15/06/2017 EastEnders

-Anything in the paper?

-Ah, usual rubbish.

So, have you decided?

New loose covers for the sofa.

-Needs brightening up.

-We win £250 on the bingo and...

Since when did you play bingo?

A lifetime of handing over my wages

and as soon as you get a full house, it's your money.

Look, the sofa's fine as it is.

We've got to put it away for Australia.

-The money, I mean, not the sofa.

-Shush. Come here.

What?

-Goldfinch on the feeder.

-Oh, there's two of them.

BIRDS TWEET

I told you it was peaceful here.

-Wouldn't see them if it wasn't.

-No, no. You're right.

You're right and I was wrong.

I do like it here.

And it is peaceful.

What say we splash 50 and put the rest of it away?

Last of the big spenders(!)

THEY LAUGH

I didn't think you were coming.

Course I am.

-What about your religious studies exam?

-It starts at two.

We'll be done by then anyway.

Are you sure you want to go to the clinic?

-Why don't you just see a doctor?

-Someone will see me.

And it will take too long to get an appointment.

Have you had any symptoms?

I've caught something off Keegan.

I know I have.

'Listen, I need you to be serious for a minute.

'OK? Try this one. It's pulled pork, which is a big favourite.'

OK? With rocket and beetroot.

-It's delicious, isn't it?

-Mm, yeah, it's nice.

-The mark up's brilliant. Can you taste the spice?

-Mm, can you, Mick?

Can you taste the spice?

Come and have a bang on this, Mum.

What is it? The promo for Father's Day?

Well, not just for Father's Day. The aim is to introduce it,

give the customers a taste and then leave them wanting more.

Well, what if they don't want more?

There was an uproar when we got them Oriental scratchings.

Yeah, but, to be fair, they were nasty.

But this gear, it's nice.

It's out of a packet.

They're from a catering company, part of our umbrella group.

Oh, right. So you get money when they sell it

and then you get more money when we buy it.

Look, I thought we agreed that I was going to do a roast.

Like chicken, pork, beef, loads of potatoes, veg,

-Yorkshire puddings, something authentic.

-We could do both.

Couldn't we? You know, could do the roast

and we could have the new gear. She don't half do a lovely roast.

-Why don't you do one and let Fi try it?

-I ain't auditioning for her!

All right, fine.

-Fine.

-Cushty mushty.

What, so I'll come back in a couple of hours then?

Don't rush back on my part.

Carrots and hummus. Delicious(!)

Mm, if you've never tasted a cream horn or a vanilla slice.

I tell you what, this diet is just doing my head in.

Only, it's not a diet, is it? This is how I've got to eat.

All I can think about is food, and not the healthy kind.

-Listen, are you coming to the restaurant later?

-Yeah, probably.

We just need to chat through some ideas for Father's Day.

It's the first time we'll be fully booked in months.

I just want to make sure everyone is on top of their game.

-You all right?

-Yeah.

Yeah, why wouldn't I be?

-OK. Well, er, I'll see you later then, yeah?

-All right.

Lauren, I've got Marshall's on the phone.

-What was the name of that Italian place?

-Ciao Bella.

-That's it.

Life-saver. Er, Ciao Bella.

You know, you don't have to worry.

I haven't said anything to Josh about...the other day.

Lauren, I told you, it was nothing.

Why do you always have to get involved in underhand stuff?

-Cos it is, isn't it?

-No.

-You're going to get yourself in trouble again, Dad.

-Course I ain't.

Look, I just don't want Josh knowing, that's all.

-Anyway, I've got eyes, Lauren. You're all over him.

-What?!

No, I'm not!

That's just your warped brain just seeing things.

-So there's nothing going on?

-No. Course not.

Right, OK, so, what about age?

Younger and energetic? Or older and a bit more experienced?

Actually, no, they might be a bit set in their ways.

So go with younger. Younger.

Right, that's got to be it.

Well, one big question - do you want someone to live in?

-No.

-Sure?

I just want them to come, look after the kids, so I can go off,

do some work and then they disappear in the evening.

Last thing I want is them hanging around, sharing a bathroom.

Yeah, I know what you mean.

Bad enough sharing one with Billy.

I mean, he always leaves his wet towels on the bathroom floor.

-I mean, we do have a towel rail!

-SHE CHUCKLES

Look, I think you've got everything covered here, Jack.

So why don't you give the agency a call? But be firm with them.

Tell them exactly what you want.

Otherwise, they'll just palm you off with anyone.

I'm doing the right thing, aren't I?

I mean, Amy and Ricky've had enough upheaval in their life already.

I mean, they'll be OK with another woman round the house, won't they?

I think it'll help them, Jack.

Listen, you're not taking anything away from their lives.

You're adding to it.

Aren't you supposed to be looking after Pearl?

She's having a nap and Patrick's with her.

I saw Stacey here doing this and I offered to help.

And I'm very grateful. The more people that get involved,

the better. We want Walford blooming for Walford In Bloom.

I don't get it.

It's called doing your part for the community, Kim.

Doing a little bit to make the place look nice.

Oh, yeah?

Secret meetings in the middle of the morning?

Poor Billy!

LAUGHTER

Honey's just been helping me think about what I want.

Yeah, from a nanny.

-Unless you want a job.

-Oh, no.

I'm hardly Mary Poppins material, am I?

Plus I've got Louie anyway, and my little one.

I tell you what though, when you do find a nanny,

I might sling Arthur her way. She won't notice one more.

Who's to say it's she? You get men doing it now. Nannies.

Yeah, well, I don't think I want a bloke.

HORN BEEPS

MUSIC THUMPS DULLY

STEREO PLAYS LOUDLY

Right, everybody out.

You all right?

Karen Taylor. Just moving in.

Bronson!

-Bronson!

-DOG BARKS

Bronson! Bronson! Bronson!

-Is it all ours?

-Top floor and the attic.

There's never enough room.

Oh, stop your moaning and start getting things from the van.

Wes has got to get it back to the abattoir by three.

Bernadette, keys.

Get that door open.

Keanu, shift yourself, will you, you lazy git?

-What about you?

-I'll do me bit once I've had me ciggie!

Honestly, kids!

Don't suppose one of you fancies putting the kettle on, do you?

MUSIC CONTINUES THUMPING

Um, I need to see someone.

To be tested?

-Have you been here before?

-No.

I need you to fill out one of these forms.

Personal details, and then the questionnaire.

We're quite busy today, so there might be a bit of a wait.

Everything's going to be OK.

PHONE PINGS

What?

Travis keeps asking me why I'm not at school.

I couldn't speak to him yesterday.

Didn't know what to tell him.

He keeps messaging me, and I don't know what to say to him.

Ooh, yeah! Something smells strong!

Yeah, well, I hope she chokes on it.

That's the chicken out, puddings are in.

I'm going to go and have a fag.

Has she given up and left?

No, she's doing something.

I suppose you must be really attached to her cooking.

Did she used to make roasts every Sunday when you were little?

No. Not really. Nah.

My mum always used to make a roast.

Probably the only time we sat together as a family.

Does she still make them, or...?

No.

You do realise that your mum's not a proper chef?

I mean, you'd be so much better buying in pre-made

and getting Abi to plate it all up.

Yeah, but...

you ain't tasted it yet.

I don't need to.

I'm sure it's as palatable as she is.

Mick, I know she means well, but she just doesn't get this place.

She's not like us.

So, shall I arrange for the food to be delivered on Sunday morning?

You was never going to consider her roast, was you?

It's my job to make a plan.

The best plan.

And then put it into action.

You know, in life there are people who act and those who react,

and where's the fun in reacting?

I've got to go.

Will you make my excuses?

How long we got till Mary Berry comes back?

I was just thinking, you don't want to be in here,

slaving over a hot stove, not on Father's Day.

You want to be out the front, having a booze, don't you?

Being wrapped round all the chaps and all that.

-She's got to you, ain't she?

-No.

I just thought it would be better if we get the old pre-made gear in.

You know? I...

Mother, what you doing?

No, no. Don't do that.

That's a good bit of chicken, that is!

What are you doing?

No...

I'll see you next week.

BANGING

I could have sworn we had a hammer.

It's not fair I've got the small bedroom.

At least you've got a bedroom. I've got to sleep on the sofa.

-Only, we ain't got a sofa no more, have we?

-Don't look at me.

If we'd have left before nine, like I said,

they wouldn't have been able to repossess it, would they?

BANGING

It's no good. I can't hammer these in. Go on, you have a go, love.

Don't worry. Slave labour here will do everything.

-Why can't you get her to help?

-Because she's only got two speeds.

Slow and sat still. Ain't that right, Bernadette?

Oh, that one's to go up in the attic. The boys' bedroom, yeah?

Thanks.

I just want everything right for when the boys get here.

They need picking up?

No, your sister's doing it. It's the least she could do.

I had a go at her last night.

Reminded her that she's still part of this family.

Since she's moved in with him, she's forgotten we exist.

-You don't know what Chantelle sees in him, do you, Mum?

-No, I don't.

And I've told her so and all. Now, look at me, the pair of you.

This is a new start. Got a nice little flat, yeah?

You got your apprenticeship, the boys are doing well at school.

Everything's looking up for us.

So let's not do anything to muck things up.

It's not us you need to worry about.

Right, I'll let you have a look and just give me a shout

-if you need me.

-Thank you.

What do you think?

Courgette fries?

Organic ketchup?

Papaya and poppy seed dressing?!

Take you a week to suck the seeds out of your teeth.

Let's go, eh?

-Won't they think we're rude?

-No.

He's not looking. Come on.

-CHAIR SCRAPES

-Shush!

-Any more interest in the chippy?

-Not yet.

-Probably be stuck with it for months.

-Nah, someone'll snap it up.

And I think it's a good thing we're selling it.

Full of memories, isn't it?

Yeah, they're everywhere, aren't they?

You know...

..I feel the same when it's Mother's Day.

You don't have to work on Sunday, Ian. We can go out, we can stay in.

You know what? I just can't shake it off this year.

It's everywhere you look, isn't it? Any occasion to sell a card.

-I shouldn't be telling you this, but um...

-What?

I found the card that Steven got you.

There's lovely words in it, Ian.

Yeah, but it's not the same, is it?

-Well, he sees you as his dad. You are his dad.

-Yeah, I... I'm not.

You brought him up.

Yeah, but he's not Peter, he's not Lucy, he's not Bobby.

He's not really my son.

Hiya.

-Want a coffee?

-Ooh, such a temptress.

No, I'd better not. Um, too much caffeine.

Oh, your sister, Abi...

Yeah, what about her?

-She messaged me.

-She did what?

Yeah, I thought it was a little odd as well.

-I'm so sorry.

-No, no. No big deal.

She's just invited me to her 21st.

Actually, no, it wasn't just that.

She said it was a shame I couldn't make it to her 21st.

I wonder what gave her that idea.

She's weird sometimes.

So's her sister.

Oh, I love that one.

Maybe Travis will be OK.

He thinks sex is special.

I got drunk and don't remember anything about it.

-Really special(!)

-But that wasn't your fault.

-He knows your drink was spiked.

-It won't matter, Bex.

I'm used goods.

Louise?

I'm Rachel. I'm one of the nurses here.

-Have you had far to come?

-Not really.

-Sit down.

-Are we doing all the tests?

-Yeah.

Do you want the 60 second HIV test as well?

-What is it?

-It's just a test for HIV.

I take a little spot of blood and you get the result instantly.

OK.

Is it your first time here?

Don't worry. I'll make it as painless as possible.

You know what those sausages need?

Papaya and poppy seed dressing.

Can't beat egg and chips.

These chips taste proper.

Meaning mine aren't proper?

-I didn't say that.

-You didn't need to.

There's nothing wrong with oven chips.

I've been doing battle for years with that chip pan spitting at me.

You used to make cracking chips.

Well, if ever you fancy peeling and cutting a spud,

it's in the box underneath the sink.

Along with the sandwich maker.

-Top up?

-Oh!

-That's very kind.

-You settling in all right?

-Mm!

I used to live in the tower block years ago. 14th floor. 14B.

We were 15C.

Hang about, you're the potato lady.

We were always seeing her in the lifts, lugging about sacks of spuds.

We used to have a fruit and veg stall. It's just outside.

My nephew runs it now.

-I'm Kathy. Kathy Beale.

-Ted and Joyce Murray.

Very nice to meet you properly.

Here, how old would you say I was?

I'm 80.

You're supposed to look amazed.

I don't know what he sees in the mirror,

but it's not the same as the rest of us.

-Well, you look great.

-Oh, thank you.

-I was just admiring your chips.

-Oh, thank you very much, kind sir.

I'll just get you a top up.

Oh.

Free top ups, eh?

The prices she charges, she could give us a free teapot.

Eyes front!

Unless you think that she could put up with your cold feet

and your snoring, in which case, be my guest.

Thanks.

Right, Pam and Les are coming.

What do you think about inviting the Mayor?

It's only a new sign, Hun.

No, it's not.

You're a partner in an old, established business.

Your name is going to be up there in big letters.

You've arrived, Billy.

People need to know that.

Ooh, and I've thought about, you know, an angle for the press.

What?

Your story.

From rags to riches?

Like Cinderella?

-Riches!

-HE CHUCKLES

Look, I really need you to come on board with this, Billy.

-When that new sign goes up, it's a new beginning, new horizon.

-OK.

And I'm also thinking you should speak to Les, you know,

about joining the Rotary Club. Mix with the inner circle.

-Anything you say, baby.

-Yeah.

Well, I'm going to take care of everything.

Make sure people are there. You know, of quality.

Speaking of quality, or lack of,

you should see the rabble that's just moved in next-door to Dot.

I knew a handy looking bloke like you would have one.

Yeah, just make sure you bring it back when you've finished with it, yeah?

-MUSIC PLAYS

-Is that music going to be blaring out all day?

-Don't you like music?

-No, not when I'm working.

SHE SCOFFS

-Got one.

-I need a screwdriver as well.

I'll see if I can borrow one from work.

You're really enjoying it there, ain't you? Good for you, love.

It's going to take me longer to get there in the mornings now.

-I'll have to set off at eight.

-Well, at least we're still in Walford.

Loads from the towers are having to move out to Essex and Kent.

-We're lucky.

-We'd be lucky if we had the whole house.

You give it six months, we'll have the downstairs and all.

-Any idea who lives downstairs?

-I keep knocking but no-one's in.

I hope they're a laugh.

Louise, call me straight back.

I've had eight messages from the school, asking where you are.

-Your kid playing hooky?

-Sorry?

Karen Taylor, just moved in here.

Oh, right. Sharon Mitchell. I live down the end. The big house.

Oh, nice!

Just saying to my lad, seems like a nice, friendly neighbourhood.

Ooh!

Ha-ha!

See you!

-Mum? I can't find the remote.

-Look in me bag.

-Shouldn't she be at school?

-Gave her the day off.

You know, moving in, she wanted to be part of it.

-How many kids you got?

-A son and two step-kids.

-I got five.

-Six.

-Oh! Why did I say five? Six!

I got six and two grandkids.

I know, I don't look old enough.

I could have strangled her. Not for the first time either.

-Were either of those men your husband?

-Ha! As if!

No. Never seen the point of marriage.

And before you ask, neither of them's had the pleasure either.

-At least, I don't think they have!

-SHE CACKLES

Right, well, I'd best be off.

HORN BEEPS

Sharon?

Um, that woman's not moved into number 23, has she?

Yeah, why? Do you know her?

LOUD LAUGHTER

Yeah, I'm afraid I do.

Just to reassure you,

even though you are 15,

this is all completely confidential.

But, in case something is detected,

is there anyone at home you can talk to?

My friend's outside.

How about a parent?

-It says here you've only had the one partner?

-Yeah.

Is that someone you have sex with regularly? Maybe a boyfriend?

No.

Not someone you're keen on then?

I hate him.

So it was just the once?

And you didn't use protection?

I don't know if he did or if he didn't.

And when will I get the results?

We'll either call, or text you, to the number you've given.

If something shows up positive and you want to talk things through,

then you can come in.

Louise, can I just ask?

Did you want to have sex with this person?

Well?

It's a good job you don't fancy Josh.

What?

Well, apart from the fact you're with Steven,

it would make things awkward, wouldn't it?

You know, when Imogen comes in?

-Who's Imogen?

-What, has he not told you?

Told me what?

It's his fiancee.

Seriously, she's got a rock on her finger size of Gibraltar.

-You're lying.

-Am I?

Yeah.

Josh? When you getting married again?

November.

Oh, that's good. Yeah.

Give you plenty of time to sort the stag out, won't it?

See you.

-I know I should have said something.

-No, why should you?

Look, I've got work to do.

See? It's your hooks, hanging up, like in the old flat.

Here, I thought she'd at least look around the flat. But oh, no.

-she got to get back to him.

-Don't let it get to you.

Right, you two. I've put your bunk beds up.

Do you want to see your new bedroom? BOTH: Yes.

Off you go, up the stairs.

You be careful up there.

All right.

-Well, it's not in here.

-Well, it's got to be somewhere.

-You could just use the grill.

-No, it don't taste the same.

It's too much. I knew it would be.

You'll feel better once you've eaten.

You're nothing without your toast, are you, Mum?

-Have we even got any bread?

-Yeah, it's in that bag from the food bank.

Just give me a minute. My sugar levels are all over the gaff.

I suppose I'm sleeping on the floor.

As far as the council's concerned, you don't even live with us.

It's not my fault I can't afford a place of my own!

Only way Chantelle was able to get her place was getting knocked up.

I'll probably be sleeping on the floor when I'm 40.

Not on my floor, you won't.

You can sleep on my floor, when I get a floor.

I'm going to get a house with loads of bedrooms and a big garden.

HE SCOFFS Is this when you win your millions?

I can't wait till I'm 17, and I can do the lottery.

I can't even afford a lottery ticket.

-Oh, you're always moaning, you!

-Have you seen my life?

-You do me nut in!

Moan, moan, moan!

You should have told the council you needed more bedrooms!

You don't care, do you?

Don't you speak to me like that!

I took you in, didn't I?

MUFFLED SHOUTING: 'You're my mum, you're meant to take me in!'

-'And what thanks do I get?'

-'Thanks? For what?

'I give you all of my wages!'

'Don't you walk away from me!

-'Keanu!'

-SLAM

I've got mud on me.

I need a plaque for this, you know, to say that I helped.

Maybe they'll rename the gardens after you.

You think?

-Kimberly Gardens.

-SHE GIGGLES

Louise, please say something.

You've got me so worried and I've got my exam.

Louise!

Whatever it is, I can help.

No, you can't.

I've already told you, no-one can.

Why does he always have to be hanging round here?

Oi!

You stay away from these plants, do you hear me?

What are you going to do? Hit me again?

-Where you been? I had to do everything!

-All right! Chill out!

I told you before! No-one walks away from me!

Go and see your father! See if he wants you!

-Same goes for you! Where was you all night?

-Mate's.

-Yeah?

You think you got out of it all, do you?

Well, we ain't brought any of your stuff or your nasty dragon!

-What? You left Rooney?

-Rooney's upstairs. We brought him.

Yeah, would have served you right if we hadn't brought him.

-Creepy thing, always staring at me!

-Yeah?

-We should leave you in the old flat.

-Yeah? Come here and say that!

Get here!

ANGRY SHOUTING CONTINUES

-It's them.

-Who?

The ones that lived next to Joannie.

The ones that gave her a nervous breakdown.

Get off!

Mum? Riley and Chatham need you.

Upstairs!

Keegan! Get Bronson!

What you looking at?

Bex...

Bex, he's moved in.