07/07/2017 EastEnders

-Afternoon.

-All right?

Hi, Ted. You off out?

-Picking up Joyce from the bingo.

-Oh, I'm good with a dabber.

Tell her I'll go with her next time.

He's a right misery. Never wants to chat.

Nice day?

My back's playing up. I hate sleeping on that floor.

Oh, stop your moaning.

It's good for you, sleeping on a hard surface.

Rich people spend thousands on that in them retreats.

Here, Bernadette's not said nothing to you, has she,

about who the father is?

Why would she say anything to me?

Because you two, you're thick as thieves.

Have a word, will you?

Social are going to start asking questions soon

and I don't want them knowing before me.

Hello, love. How's your gran?

Oh, I'm just on my way to see her, actually. I'm dreading it.

Oh, I'm the same. I hate hospitals.

You never know whether you're going to get out alive, do you?

-I've got to tell her her cat's died. She's going to go to pieces.

-Oh, no!

They get so attached, don't they?

You tell her we've got a bearded dragon she can have.

Thing gives me the creeps.

LAPTOP BLEEPS

Dad?

Gran?

MOBILE RINGS

Hello?

Hey, babe. You all right? What are you up to?

-Just grabbing some food and doing some work.

-Oh, yeah?

-Are you eating that salad I made you?

-Mm-hm.

Yeah, it's lovely.

You still working late?

Yeah. Um, I don't know how long I'm actually going to be.

I might be working longer than I thought.

All right. Well, not to worry. I'll take care of our boy.

All right. Thank you. See you.

Yeah, I'll see you later.

Right, how are we getting on?

-Yeah, there's loads of interest in the craft beer.

-Good.

Good, music to my ears.

No, what she means is that they're only buying it cos

they get a free glass. They're not buying more than one.

Well, get behind it, Mother, cos I want to show that Fi that we

-can deal with any promotion she throws at us.

-Yeah, we'll push it, won't we, Shirl?

-No!

-Cos I'm not a hypocrite!

-What are you talking about?

-I've tasted it. It's like gnat's pee.

No-one round here's going to like it.

-They need educating, Mother. Their palates need refining.

-Oh...

Yes, mate. What can I get you?

-OK, in Iranian, you go up to him and you say, Man...

-Man.

-Doostet daram.

-Doostet daran.

-Ram, with an M.

-R-r-r!

-What's wrong with you?!

-It sounds like you're choking.

-Hello.

All right?

Great minds think alike, eh?

Nothing like a drink after a long day on the market.

-Can I get anyone a drink?

-No, just got them in, thanks.

Oh, right.

Cheap round for me, then.

Ah, whilst you're here,

I've cancelled the team-building exercise.

I know you're probably all disappointed, but I had to

take into consideration the very valid points that Donna made.

It was very remiss of me not to think about her unique situation.

So I've been looking into something that we can all embrace.

-Donna included.

-Yeah, she's big on embracing, aren't you, Don?

-Mm, yeah.

-I've not finalised anything, as of yet.

But I've found a company that specialise in building trust

through meditation.

-Do me a favour. What, again?!

-Hang on.

Are you saying that people with disabilities are incapable

of doing anything extreme?

-Yeah, cos if you are, that is highly offensive.

-No, no.

No, I'm not saying that.

I was just saying I hadn't considered Donna's feelings.

Doesn't sound like you considered any of our feelings really,

Robbie, because if you think we're all going to sit around in a circle, getting our Zen on..

I am really hurt that you are not treating me

the same as everyone else.

Oh, shame on you, Robbie.

Shame on you, mate.

-Right, can we get back to the real team building?

-Yes! The drinking!

-What is it again?

-R-r-r-r!

-You need to stop that!

I'll start your dinner in a bit. It's nuggets.

Bernie, I know you don't want to say who the dad is... No, listen.

Hear me out. I've been thinking and if he's someone you're seeing,

if it's a relationship, then bring him round.

I promise not to kick off and I'll control the boys,

but if he's going to be part of this family, then we need...

-You just want to see if he's got any money.

-No!

Well, it would help, wouldn't it?

Men get off scot-free.

We're the ones who get the pain of childbirth and the nappies

and the feeds...

The least he can do is cough up a bit of dosh.

He hasn't got any.

They never have, love.

But still, he's got to do his bit.

I mean, look at all the dads you lot have had over the years, eh?

I mean, Chatham and Riley's the only one who see anything of theirs.

I know I said we're fine as we are.

Oh, we don't need men, and all that.

But love, I'm me, and you're you, and, love,

you could do with all the support you can get.

You finished?

-There we go.

-Oh, lovely!

I wish all my customers were enthusiastic, like you.

So, when are you going back?

To bingo?

You're on a roll, Joyce! Win last month, now this.

It was 25 quid. I'm not breaking Monte Carlo.

Nice to be eating out for a change. We should go back to that steakhouse. You know,

-the one by the old market. We haven't been there since...

-Look...

-What are we looking at?

-It is!

-Is it?

Violating my human rights! 60 years I've been smoking!

-That's longer than you was born!

-Dot, it's OK!

I'm here. Calm down.

Well, I'd be better treated if I was in Guatemala Bay!

-Well, what's the matter?

-Well, she won't let me have a cigarette.

-All that fuss over a cigarette!

-I ain't had one since I been in here.

I mean, all my nerves, they're all on edge

and I feel as if I'm getting one of my migraines!

Oh, my poor Nick.

I know what it was like now when I made him go cold turkey

when he was coming off heroin.

Oh, Nick! Nick! Forgive me, forgive me!

Why don't you have one of those gums I bought you?

Well, I chewed all of them. I've chewed them till the taste has gone!

Fine, I'll text Robbie later and tell him

-to bring some in when he comes.

-Yes, and tell him to bring me something decent to eat.

I can't stomach the food they give you in here.

Oh, that fish at dinner time! Well, if that were Huss, I'll eat my hat!

It was unrecognisable.

How's Dave?

Mrs Branning.

Evening.

What's this I've been hearing about you refusing to do physio?

Yeah, well, like I told the nurse, I don't need it.

It'll make you feel so much better.

I'll tell you what'll make me feel better, a cigarette!

-You didn't have to walk me home.

-Oh, it's a nice area.

Look, I wanted to say something to you.

The other day, I took on board what you said.

What did I say?

About moving on.

I buried my wife's ashes and I planted a rosebush on top of them.

-She loved roses.

-Good for you.

It needed to be done.

And now I have something beautiful in her memory.

My dad's got a bench. Just over there.

Oi!

Oi, stop that!

-What?

-Vandalising my dad's bench, you little hooligan! Get up!

Get away from it!

I'm sure she didn't mean any harm.

-No respect.

-Michelle, I wanted to ask you something.

You can see how she's been brought up!

Would you have dinner with me?

I don't mean tonight. Next week.

-Oh, er...

-And just to be clear, I'm talking a date.

A proper date.

Not just dinner with someone you know.

I'll give you a call later, yeah? When I've checked my diary.

Thanks for walking me home.

Right.

-Well, er, hope to speak to you later, then.

-Yeah.

SHE SIGHS

-Hey.

-Hi.

I was wondering if you've got any shots of the back

of the Wilshire - I've got the ones you took of the front,

but I was thinking I might want to use the terrace a bit more.

-What, do you want to see everything, or...?

-No, no, no. You pick the best one.

You've got the eye. DOOR OPENS

Hiya!

Abi, what are you doing here?

I called Lauren earlier. She said she was working late, so...

You called Lauren?

What did you say?

I didn't tell her about us. I'm not an idiot.

So, have you got the house to yourself, or...?

No, Louie's upstairs, so...

-Have you been spying on her again? You have, haven't you?

-No, no.

No, I was just watching a video. That's all.

So, have you caught them at it yet, or...?

No.

But they're both working late tonight, so...

Well, maybe if they're working late tonight, we could work late, too.

Not with Louie here.

You're such a good dad.

I like that.

Why don't I call you later?

Yeah?

OK, I'll leave you to it.

But make sure that you call me.

-You want more nuggets, Shaks?

-No, I'm good, thank you.

-Oh.

-I'll have some more.

-You've had enough!

How's school, Shaks? I ask Keegan, but he never tells me.

-Yeah, it's good. I'm doing the sound for the showcase.

-Oh, showcase? What's that? I've never heard of it.

-But then again, no-one in this family ever tells me anything.

-I tell you things.

-Yes, you do, love.

It's just where people show off their talents.

-That's why we've not heard of it. Keegan ain't got any talents!

-Oh, yeah, funny(!)

-He just wants to watch Bex.

-Aw, you still like her?

Is it her mum who works in town, but acts like she runs the country?

-No, that's her aunt, but they were both doing the same American.

-She shouted at me.

-What?

-Who did?

Her, the one with the name badge, cos I was scratching at a bench.

-What's her problem?

-The bench in the gardens?

-Yeah, that's her dad's bench.

-So?

She shouldn't be shouting at kids! Snotty cow!

It's just a bench!

Here, I know how we can teach her a lesson.

-Why can't I have an electric one?

-Cos you ain't allowed one.

Not allowed? Well, then what is the point?

-You really need to do your physio.

-Oh, not again!

Anyway, son, you don't know what it's like.

-I know, but it ain't going to be forever. You'll be home in a month or so.

-A month?!

And when you do get home, we need to start making changes to your sleeping arrangements.

-No!

-Dot!

-No, no, no!

My dining room is my dining room and my bedroom is my bedroom.

And if you don't like it, then you can find yourself somewhere else.

Oh, you are a bossy boots, Sonia!

-Good night.

-Good night.

I much prefer this place when no-one else is around.

LOUIE CRIES

Thanks for the Wilshere photo, that was just what I needed.

Did you want to go over that portfolio?

No, um...

No, I'd rather go over something else.

OK. What?

Um...

I wanted to talk about us.

Because it's started to get to me. I can't get you out of my mind.

I need to know where this is going.

We're friends.

Is that what you tell yourself?

Be honest, Lauren. I am.

I've fancied you since the first time I saw you...

And I know you feel the same. Look, you can't say you don't.

Oh, can't I?

We need to sort this.

Especially after last night.

MOBILE RINGS

I need to take this.

Sorry.

Hold that thought.

Hello?

-DOOR OPENS

-Abi?

-No, no. It's me.

I've cut my hand at the caf. I've had to come home.

I'm feeling quite faint.

Gran, er...

LOUIE CRIES

Listen I need to go out. I'm really sorry.

-Louie's crying. Can you just...? Thanks. Cheers.

-No, I can't...

I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

-We shouldn't be doing this.

-Cos Bex wouldn't like it?

-Oi, oi.

Shut up, you two!

Bern!

Mum!

Hold on!

All right, love?

-All right?

-WHISTLES NONCHALANTLY

Go!

Right, come on!

Right, come on. Watch Ted's car!

So, have you told her, then?

About Dave?

-No, I haven't had a chance.

-Told me what?

Hi, Dot.

What about Dave?

-Dot...there's been an accident.

-What happened?

-Is he hurt?

-Well...

Well?

He's dead.

He's been gone for days. And we were calling him and calling him.

He must have just slipped out. Look, we've been searching

the Square and everything, Dot, rattling his food.

And then we found out that a cat had been knocked down.

Oh, Dot, I'm ever so sorry.

Get away from me!

Not only do you try to take over my house, but now you've killed my cat!

-We haven't done anything.

-Mrs Branning?

She's had some very bad news and we're dealing with it, OK?

Well, I'm sorry to hear about that,

but Security have got a black cat downstairs,

with your address on its tag.

I've never known anything like this to happen before,

but one of the other nurses said it happened to her once.

A cat or dog misses its owner so much it finds them.

-Wellard would have done that.

-No, it can't be Dave.

Security sent a picture.

No, no! Show me! Show me!

Oh!

That might be him.

Oh, Jesus! Dear Jesus, let it be Dave!

-Oh!

-Mrs Branning, no, you can't get out of bed.

You're always telling me to exercise my legs

and he's walked all this way to see me!

Mrs Branning, you can't go out of the hospital

-and I'm afraid we can't bring him in.

-Look, I'll go. We'll bring him home, Dot.

-Yeah, but I want to see him.

-Well, he's clearly missing you.

If only you'd agree to do physio, you could get out of here quicker.

I will do the physio. I'll do anything,

but I've got to get back home before he slips out again.

And comes to find me. Here, Robbie, take him this.

What's that?

It's the fish from my dinner. Tell him it's from me.

He's a very fussy cat. He might turn his nose up.

Is that Dot's cat? He's still missing!

-Do you know this cat?

-Yeah, he ate my turkey.

Oh, it's a long story.

Dot took it in and then she brought it in here on Christmas Day.

-There you go, Winkle, the golden nectar.

-You're not wrong there.

-Yeah!

All right, here we go.

-I admit it. I was wrong.

-Sorry, what was that? I'm a bit mutton.

No, I'm not going to say it again. I just didn't think we'd sell as much of this stuff, that's all.

-Well, that's their third round.

-Never seen him in here before.

-They're hipsters, aren't they?

-They're into all that proper stuff.

-Well, they're not into razors, that's for sure.

Oh, I'd hate it if Martin grew a beard.

Oh, they're just trying to prove a point, ain't they?

They're lacking in the trouser department.

There's a sign over by the gents advertising for a potman.

No, no, I suppose you're right.

-Did I say anything?

-You didn't have to.

-Apply.

-You what?

Might get you out from under my feet a few nights a week.

-You're just saying that. I know you. You wouldn't like being in the flat on your own.

-What?

With full control over the remote? I think I'd cope!

-A date?!

-Shush!

Don't want everyone knowing.

-Anyway, I haven't said yes yet.

-But you will?

-I thought you liked him.

-To chat to on the tube, yeah.

But dinner? Dinner's something else, isn't it?

Dinner means wine, which means expectations,

-and I'm not sure I'm ready yet.

-Course you are.

From what you've said, he sounds like a nice man.

-You mean he's age appropriate?

-Well...yeah.

What's wrong with that? Oh, do yourself a favour, Michelle.

Live a little.

They were telling me at the bar Dot Cotton's had our Lucky.

Branning, not Cotton.

I don't care what she's calling herself. She's a cat thief.

She had him in here Christmas Day, showing him off.

-Look, suppose it is Lucky...

-It is!

Well, it's good news, isn't it? There was us thinking all sorts.

Now we know that he's alive and where he's been.

-But he's gone away again.

-Then we go out and we find him.

Yes, we do, before that Dot gets her thieving hands on him. Dave!

What sort of name is that for a cat?

Anyone can tell just by looking at him, he's a Lucky.

Well...

LAUGHTER

-How do you like my new bed?

-You'd better get used to it.

You're going to be homeless most of your life.

Look, listen, I'd better get going. You know what my mum's like.

You tell her to pop over sometime. Be lovely to get to know her.

She's single, ain't she? Maybe we can go out on the pull sometime!

-Basketball tomorrow, yeah?

-Yes, on it. Look, see you guys later.

See you, love.

Come on, Bern. You can scratch what you like in it now.

Can't wait to see that cow's face when she sees her dad's bench has gone.

Teach her to disrespect you, won't it, Bern?

Won't it, Bern? Won't it, Bern?

-Bernadette, Shaks lent me that game. Do you want to see it?

-Yeah.

Have you spoken to her yet about the dad?

I've tried but she just shuts me down.

You've not, have you?

This is serious!

We need to know!

Look, talk to her. You two are so tight, I know she'll tell you.

Why does it matter who the dad is?

-Do you know? Has she told you?

-Mum, just leave it, please!

She's going through enough at the moment, without having you on her back!

-I've a right to know!

-I said leave it!

This is why I did it. It's cos you're cheating on me!

You told me it was all in my head, but I knew it!

You know what they say about talking to yourself, don't you?

First sign of madness!

The first sign of madness is being crazy enough to get into your bed!

Why don't you just leave me alone?

There's no crime against walking along the street.

-You still spying on Lauren?

-Yeah, so what if I am?

You're losing the plot, do you know that?

I told you I'd call.

Yeah, well, as it happens, I'm pretty free next week,

so if your offer for dinner still stands, I'd love to...

Sorry, I've got to go.

Louise?

Louise, come back here!

-Louise!

-Sharon?

-Not now, Michelle!

Why the hell did you call your dad and ask him to change schools?

I'd already said no.

I don't care what you say! He's my dad!

Yes, I know he is. And I told you I'd talk to him when I get to Italy.

-Now, get back inside.

-No, I'm going to see...

-You are going nowhere tonight!

-Or the weekend, or next week. You are grounded!

-Oh, you can't be serious!

Do I look like I'm joking?

In!

You all right?

Dad's bench. It's gone.

Michelle...

Sorry about that.

-So, everything you were saying...

-I mean it.

Can you sit down a minute?

We're both in relationships.

Maybe we shouldn't be.

-You're with someone, you meet someone else.

-No.

-Last night...

-Would have been a mistake.

I wanted to stay.

I really did.

I'm not a cheat.

I'm not my dad.

What's your dad got to do with it?

I promised myself that I would never do to anyone what my dad

did to my mum.

I won't.

But you're right, though.

Me and Steven, we are not good.

Jumping in bed with you, it wouldn't...

It's not going to make anything any better.

Yeah, but you don't want things to get better. You know that.

-It's complicated, Josh.

-He doesn't excite you like I do.

Well, maybe not.

Maybe he don't, but...

You know, life ain't... It's not about being excited. It's just...

-He's really good with Louie.

-He's a babysitter!

-No.

I'm sorry, Josh.

And if not sleeping with you means that I...

-I don't know, I'll lose my job...

-No, no, no.

Look, you know me better than that, come on.

If you say no, I can respect that.

You know, I can keep things professional.

-Good.

-But you're kidding yourself.

You know there's something here.

No!

Why are you playing these games with me?

Why are you playing these games with me?!

Argh!

I know what you've done! I know what you've done! I'm not stupid!

I know you've cheated on me!

I'm not the bad guy in this! I'm not the bad guy!

HE SOBS

Are you really sure you want to keep the baby?

-It's not too late.

-I want it.

OK.

Well, you know I'll give you all the money I can

and I won't be doing the apprenticeship for long

and when I get a proper job, I'll pay for everything.

You've not told her anything, have you?

I promised, didn't I?

It's our secret.

No-one's ever going to find out.