21/08/2017 EastEnders

What does that mean?

You killed my dad? What the hell are you talking about?

Phil...?!

-I should have done something.

-What about?

I knew what a...

What a headcase Terry was,

you could see all that coming a mile off.

I should have...

I should have got Jase well away from him,

I did it before... I should have done it again.

And that's it?

Yeah.

Phil!

Listen, I told you what I meant, all right?

Now, just get off my back.

-So why didn't you?

-What?

Do something? Get him away?

You said it yourself, you knew what Terry was like, we all did.

Or were you in on all that?

What?

Is that what you're trying to tell me?

Terry did the damage and you were pulling the strings? Is that it?

Me and Terry? Behave, will ya?

Right, so what is all this?

Phil, you've got something to tell me, it's written all over your face.

PHIL!

Did Jase never... Never say anything to you?

What about?

About his family, your family. He never said anything about them?

He told me about his brothers.

Did he tell you how... him and your mum first met?

Why should he?

And he never told you when they met, neither?

Phil, will you stop asking me all these stupid questions?

I know.

You know what?

I know when they met. And I know how they met.

Right, so you and my old man had a conversation

about ancient history, so what?

I didn't find out from him.

Jase first...

Jase first met your mum a couple of months after you was born.

She was involved with someone else before, but...

Well, there was an accident and he died.

Obviously, it was a bad time for your mum - she was on her own -

she had a baby - him coming along like that -

and taking you on - well, it must have seemed like a lifeline to her.

Why are you saying all this?

Because it's true, Jay.

What, that Jase isn't my old man?

Is that what you're trying to tell me?

-You're sick.

-Jay...

Have you lost your mind? Did you ever even meet my mum?

No.

So apart from the fact you've just told me

that my old man isn't my dad - which is just wrong, OK, wrong and just

plain weird - now you're telling me you took all this interest in

some single mum who you never even knew - and who you never even met -

and whose boyfriend died in some accident?

People die in accidents all the time.

Open the paper, you read about dozens of them every week.

So why should this one man

who died all them years ago in a car crash or something,

stick in your mind anyway?

Yeah, well, he didn't die in a car crash.

-Well, whatever.

-He died in a fire.

And it weren't a... It weren't an accident neither.

That man from the car lot?

That tramp who died there, is that who you're talking about?

It was big news back then.

That's how - how I found out about your mum.

And when they found out that his girlfriend was pregnant,

well, the newspapers really went to town, they tracked her for ages.

No. No way...

It was just meant to be a simple, straightforward insurance job.

Frank - Frank Butcher - you never knew him -

but he was the geezer that was running the place in them days.

Well...running it into the ground, more like.

Well, he needed money. A lot of money.

And I owed him a favour, so we did the deal.

He'd cop for the insurance money and get straight.

And start over again.

But we didn't know that someone was sleeping in one of them cars.

Neither of us did, how could we?

I-I started the fire.

And then I disappeared.

I told Frank to do the same - just, you know, to keep away.

The next thing we know is the Old Bill are saying they've

found a...a dead body.

Jay.

Jay!

Jay, I couldn't say anything, all right? Neither of us could.

We'd have gone down for life if any of that had come out.

Jay, listen to me - listen.

I didn't know your dad was sleeping in one of them cars, all right?

But you torch a gaff and somebody dies, that's what you do -

you try getting off a murder charge.

The Old Bill was sniffing around the place for weeks,

they was itching to put a name in the frame.

And if that name had been mine, well, that would have been

a dream come true for them, wouldn't it?

You know, a Mitchell bang to rights.

We had to keep schtum, we didn't have a choice.

Jay, I... I ain't no choirboy. You know that.

I've done a lot of people a lot of damage over the years...

and a lot of them have deserved it an' all.

But that...

I'll never have blood on my hands like that.

But I have tried. I've tried to put things right.

At least, as much as I could.

Anyway, you know that night that Jase went after Terry...

the night he caused all that mayhem in the Vic...

He was going to get killed, you know that, but I stopped him, didn't I?

Why? Well, now you know.

And then I... Well, I gave him a job.

Got him to do things for me, tried to keep him on the straight

and narrow, as far as money goes.

Now, why would I do that? Why would I care?

Well, now you know why.

Then I gave you a job, didn't I?

I put a roof over your head, I sorted things out for you

when they needed sorting.

I know that it doesn't make up for it,

I know it doesn't change what I did.

But I did try, Jay, all those years - I've tried.

Please.

Please say something.

KNOCK AT DOOR

The...er...

The Old Bill, they gave up after a couple of weeks.

It didn't make any difference though. Everything still fell apart.

Frank was in a right state, he was ready to stick his hands up.

He didn't, but he went to pieces, you know.

He walked out on Pat...

Went on the streets himself,

he slept rough for the next couple of years.

And just lost everything.

It was ONE mistake, Jay. One VERY stupid mistake.

But if you think no-one's paid for it, then think again.

Because I did. Frank did.

Neither of us got off scot-free.

You really have lost it, ain't you?

What?

All them years, all that booze, it's done things to you.

Jay, Jay, just listen...

Oh, I have been listening. And you're deluded.

No, I ain't.

OK, hallucinating, then.

You really think I'd dream all this up?

Well, ain't you forgetting something?

This knight in shining armour,

this St Jase who you're talking about, he was supposed to have

stepped in and looked after me and my mum.

Well, he walked out on us.

So how does that...

How does that fit in with what you're trying to tell me, eh?

And then, years later, he turns up out of the blue

and wants to see me again, now, why would he do that, eh?

Why would he want to get back with a kid who isn't even his own

flesh and blood?

Well, maybe because he always

thought of you as his own flesh and blood.

-Well, who would think like that?

-Me. I do with Dennis.

Jay, I don't know why he walked out.

-I don't know why he came back again...

-Cos none of this happened,

that's why! Not like you're saying, anyway.

But maybe he made a promise, in his head.

To you, to your mum. You know, he said he'd look after you,

he said he'd look after her as well and he did, for a few years.

But then it all went wrong and well, he bailed, yeah.

And then what? What, he had second thoughts, did he?

Well, maybe it was her dying like that.

Maybe that's what did it.

I never asked him, how could I?

But, you know, something like that, it does things to you, I know.

It makes you think about what you've done wrong

and maybe how you could put things right.

I ain't listening to any more of this.

He said he'd been working the cruise ships.

That's where he'd been all that time.

Trying to get his life back on track.

Billy never bought it.

He reckoned he was a wrong 'un from the start.

And Billy was right.

Cos he hadn't been working at all.

He'd been in prison.

And that really screwed me up.

Because the first thing he'd done to me, in all that time,

was lie through his teeth.

I stood by that bus stop...

I got out a knife and I carved "Liar" into the shelter.

And now you're trying to tell me that that was nothing

compared to the big lie he'd been telling me all his life?

That weren't a lie.

Well, you just said it was.

He just... He just didn't tell you the truth, that's all.

What's the difference?

He was protecting you, that ain't a lie. That's the difference.

JAY SCOFFS

I know that this ain't easy to take in, Jay.

I've been living with this for over 20 years now.

Sometimes I still struggle to get my head around it, as well.

Now you know.

And everything I've said is...is the truth.

So if - if - what you're saying is right...

Why would I make all this up, eh?

Well, then, you're a killer, yeah?

What?

Well, that's all I keep hearing.

You set fire to the car lot and some tramp died there.

Not some tramp, though, is it?

Ain't you been listening to anything I've been saying?

You didn't mean it, you said. But you did it.

Just like Ben, with Heather.

What?

Well, he didn't mean to do that, not really.

-Still did it, though.

-What are we talking about Ben for?

Because it's the same thing.

You did something and someone died.

Ben did the same, right.

He didn't set out to kill Heather, it just happened,

and he did it and he had to pay the price.

So if...

what you're saying is right, then now it's your turn.

Can't have one rule for one, and another for everyone else.

You did what Ben did, according to you, anyway.

so now you've got to do what he had to do.

What are you doing?

What? What, I've got to spell it out for you, have I?

Phil, you're not usually this slow on the uptake,

maybe it's all that booze again, eh?

-Jay...

-I'm calling the police.

See what they can make out of this.

Listen, we don't do things like that, you know that.

What's it going to achieve anyway? Ain't going to change anything.

Ain't going to bring anybody back, is it?

So why did Ben have to go down?

He didn't have a choice, there was

no way we could keep any of that quiet, you know that.

Oh, there we go again, one rule for Phil Mitchell,

and another for everyone else.

And the difference is, if I go down, I won't be coming out again.

So you're scared? I bet Ben was as well.

Yeah, and then Dennis grows up without a dad - and Ben and Louise -

Well, they'll have Sharon.

If I go down, they'll lose everything, won't they?

You know how the law works, if they find out what I've done,

there's no way they'll let me keep anything.

I go down and everybody ends up with nothing, where's the sense in that?

Sense? I can't make any sense of this, none of it.

So let's see if the Old Bill can...

Give me that. Give it to me!

OK.

All right.

You do what you've got to do, yeah?

I ain't going to stop you.

When was it?

What?

That fire?

-You know when it was.

-Tell me.

'94.

When?

March.

You was born in October.

What was his name?

Alan...

Alan Hall.

I don't think he knew anything about you.

According to the papers,

your mum didn't find out she was pregnant until after he died.

Is this really true?

Yes.

PHONE RINGS

I meant what I said. You do what you've got to do.

I ain't going to stop ya.

PHONE RINGS

Hi, Sharon.

Yeah, I'm OK, I've not been drinking.

Well, Honey got it wrong, I was winding her up.

I've not been drinking, OK?

I can't, not now, look - I'll talk later, all right?

Does explain one thing, I suppose.

What?

You and me. You blowing hot and cold all the time.

What are you talking about?

I mean, one day it's like -

it's like I'm the prodigal son or something...

You know - job?

"Oh, it's yours."

Somewhere to live? "My house is your house."

And then the next, it's like the shutters have come down on me.

I mean, look what you were like with me and Star, eh?

Listen, Jay, I never - I never, ever meant to treat you badly.

No, you just couldn't help yourself, yeah?

You must have looked at me and felt so guilty.

But I know you. And I know what you're like.

And I know you would have hated feeling like that.

And then you'd have hated me for making you feel like that,

wouldn't you?

I didn't really think much of it,

I just thought it was the way you were.

Or it was the booze making you like that.

Listen, I told you, I didn't mean to treat you badly.

You just said it yourself.

You did more for me than anyone else ever did. A job.

Roof over my head. Money.

But it was all blood money, wasn't it?

No.

And me and you. That was fake. Right from the start.

No, Jay. No, it weren't.

I thought we had, like, a connection, you know?

We do.

I thought there was something there between us.

Well, there is, isn't there?

I wasn't part of your family, right, we both know that.

But you - you made me feel like I was,

even when you were shouting at me, and that was all right, as well,

because that's what families do, ain't it?

They make up, they fall out, they make up again.

But none of it was real, was it?

It was all just guilt.

If you hadn't blown all them lives apart back then, you'd never

have given me the time of day, would you?

Maybe - maybe that's how it started out, yeah, I was trying to

help out, I was trying to put things right, but it didn't

stay like that and I didn't do everything I did because of guilt.

I don't believe you.

No, Jay. No, not once I got to know you.

Because I genuinely started to care about you,

and believe me, it'd have been a lot easier if I hadn't.

You know, if I could have just slipped you and Jase a few quid

every now and again, that would have made my life a whole lot simpler.

Because then I wouldn't have had to deal with you, day in

and day out, and yeah, sometimes that would get on top of me...

it did.

Most of the time I just - I'd just - I'd just blank it out,

but sometimes, yeah, sometimes I'd look at you and

I'd be back there that night. Pouring petrol over them motors.

And lighting that match.

So, yeah, yeah, it would have been a lot easier to just...

To just push you away and sometimes I did, OK?

But I didn't bring you back

because I felt guilty.

I brought you back into my family

because that's what you felt like, you felt part of it, Jay...

You did.

Just like Ben and Louise. And do you know why?

Because I love you, Jay...

Just like I love them.

Fine words, Phil.

But I still don't buy 'em.

There was another reason...as well,

that I'm telling you now.

What happened with Sharon.

And her old man coming back like that.

Oh, cos that turned out so well, you mean?

No, no it was a nightmare.

But...you know, I've watched her ever since and, well,

she's got stronger, hasn't she?

Knowing the truth, as hard as it was at the time, it's helped her.

And I didn't - I didn't feel like that at the start, you know,

I started to think like that when I got ill -

and then when I was in that hospital - I was lying there

and I thought...

it was RIGHT that you should know the truth.

Oh. Oh, so you've done all this for me?

Oh, Jay! I didn't say that.

Yeah, you did. To make me stronger. Just like Sharon.

And I get a big wad of cash once I flog that old car lot.

All the way round, this is shaping up into a right result, isn't it?

Jay...

But the trouble is, that big wad of cash is just all a bit iffy,

isn't it, it's all a bit tainted?

And that's why you're really trying to get rid of the car lot, ain't it?

Because you can't stand the sight of it any more.

I didn't have to say any of this, all right?

I didn't have to deal with the car lot.

Do anything about the car lot.

I could have just kept me mouth shut,

and taken all this to the grave, couldn't I?

Yeah, and maybe you could have done all them years ago,

when you were flying high, walking the walk.

But it's all a bit different now, isn't it?

All them things you thought you could handle back then,

all of a sudden you can't, can you?

OK. Even if what you're saying was the truth...

Yeah, it is.

What's so bad about that? If you're right, what's so wrong, eh?

At least I'm trying to do some good.

JAY CHUCKLES

You ain't trying to do anyone any good, not really,

that's not what all this is about.

That car lot - that's you throwing me some sort of consolation prize.

What's that supposed to mean?

Just like you're doing with everyone else - Ben - Denise's kid,

you're trying to do the same with him -

even that Tony's son - you hardly even know him, do you?

But that ain't stopping you, is it?

This ain't about me.

Or anyone else. This is about you.

Making YOU feel better.

Jay.

Jay.

I really loved him, you know.

Yeah, he walked out on us, but he came back, didn't he?

And, yeah, he could be a basket case,

and, yeah, he did do stupid things, but he did some good and all.

You know, when he died...

..I felt like I was going to die.

And I ain't ever forgotten him, not for one single day.

JAY SIGHS

It'll be the anniversary soon.

That night he died.

I ain't ever forgotten that, neither.

I ain't trying to change any of that...

You have changed that! You've taken him away.

-Of course I haven't.

-And what have you given me, eh?

Some man who died in a fire before I was even born.

And me and you. That's all spoilt now, innit?

I can't help what's happened and I can't, I can't change it either.

You said it yourself, you could have kept your big mouth shut.

Oh, no, you couldn't, could you?

Because of this big, black cloud you've been carrying around.

Well, you all right? Do you feel better now, do you?

So...what happens now? What are you going to do?

Cos if you're still going to go to the Old Bill, give me

half an hour, will ya?

What for, give you a head start, a chance to get away?

So I can tell Sharon.

She deserves that much, at least.

I don't want her hearing it from someone like Marsden, do I?

Yeah, it's not really the Mitchell style, is it, eh?

See, I have learnt one thing from you.

It's never let the police finish your scores.

Do that yourself, yeah?

Meaning?

If I'd come to you - and told you what you've just told me,

what would you do?

Would you shake my hand?

And go, "Oh, ta, thanks for telling me?

Or something else?

Like what?

I don't know.

I ain't quite worked it out yet.

But when I do...

..you'll be the first to know.

DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES

TRAIN PASSES

It's me.

Of course I told him, I said I would, didn't I?

Yeah.

Yeah, the whole pack of lies.

Now, we've got a deal, remember?

I've done what I said I'd do.

Now you've got to do the same.