24/10/2017 EastEnders

Seems to me everything's coming together rather well.

The pieces are all falling into place.

Only the last few pockets of Walford remaining.

Especially thanks to your sterling work getting hold of those sealed bids, Sophie.

Actually, there's been a slight hold-up.

Max is still working on his source.

How much of a hold-up?

Nothing serious. I'm on it...

Is it me, or does Max seem to be getting a little laid-back lately?

-How so?

-Well, he was supposed to be making a deal on the car lot, but

there's still no sign of it, I was wondering if maybe I should jump in.

-By all means.

-Shouldn't be hard.

The owner's a gormless undertaker's assistant who's half as clever as he thinks he is.

I'll wave a tiny bit of cash, he'll jump.

He also happens to live with Luke's mechanic toy boy.

Well, then I hope you'll be getting a knock-down rate.

-Absolutely.

-I must say it gives me

such pleasure seeing the two of you working together.

Not so much together, as in parallel.

I remember when you were small, the two of you would fight like hellcats.

Used to drive your mother mad.

"Why can't you two just be friends," she'd say.

And look at us now, eh, Sophie?

So, how soon can you deliver us the car lot?

Just give me till tomorrow.

And what about these tender bids?

End of today. At the latest.

'Don't speak to anyone until I've called you.

'I'll explain everything, I know, I promise.'

Ian.

You've got to stop torturing yourself, love.

What're you going to achieve calling her over and over?

I know, all right. What else am I supposed to do?

You've done everything you can. You've looked for her everywhere.

Yeah, and I know. If she wanted to ring, she'd have rung. I know that...

Yeah, and all you can do now is get on with your life.

She'll come home when she's ready.

I know she will.

Yeah, I'm sure she will. You've just gotta be patient, that's all.

But for now, why don't you go upstairs, have a shower,

get yourself dressed, and get out of the house.

Why? I mean, what for, Mum? What am I going to go do?

You said the insurers had agreed to pay up.

Why don't you go and make a start on Beale's.

All right, yeah, maybe...

You're a terrible liar. Always have been. Always will be.

I dunno what you're talking about.

"A very slight hold-up?" Soon as Dad mentioned the tender bids,

you very nearly dropped a lung. So what's the story?

Like I said, Max is working on it.

Is he? You sure your charms aren't wearing off?

He had a wobble, that's all. A moment of conscience.

Didn't know Max HAD a conscience. That's disappointing.

-He'll get over it.

-Careful, Fi-Fi.

You don't get Max back in line, Daddy's going to have a new favourite.

Like I said, I'll have 'em by the end of today.

I know Max. Thousand pounds says you won't.

What is she doing in there?

Any longer and I'll have to wee in the kitchen sink.

Can't believe you've only got one mirror in this house.

Jay, are you eating Louie's yoghurt?

Oh, sorry. I didn't know it was his.

It's a kids' yoghurt, Jay.

They're not JUST for kids, are they?

It's got a cartoon bunny on it!

KNOCK AT DOOR

Louie, put that down!

Guys? Are you serious?

You cannot leave stuff like this lying about the house.

Morning.

Was in the area. Wondered if I could buy you breakfast?

I gotta go work.

You're the boss. Can't you be late?

-Bathroom's free!

-Oh! Finally.

-Morning.

-Morning.

Have a good day. Have fun with your stiffs.

Cheers.

Jay!

See, the thing is, I don't mind hurting people that deserve it.

But Carmel's done nothing wrong.

She don't deserve to get caught up in all this.

She's hardly caught up.

It's just a few names, and a couple of files.

Listen, you don't get it, all right. I'm done using her.

-I'm just going to tell her it's over.

-No, you can't.

-Well, I think you'll find I can do what I want.

-Yeah,

course you can. You're your own man. I get that.

One of the things I really like about you.

But you're also smart.

And you've got to admit, it doesn't make sense, logically.

What doesn't?

After all our hard work, why would we bottle it now?

She's already agreed to give you the bids.

Fi, there's loads of people work at the council.

Can't we just find a junior, bung them some money?

Well, then, so what's it all been for?

You've had to put yourself through sleeping with that woman,

and what was the point?

What, so just to be clear, you're trying to persuade me

to carry on sleeping with another woman?

I'm doing it for us.

I just want to get this whole Walford business finished and Dad off my back,

so I can get out of here and we can get on with the rest of our life.

Our life?

Yeah.

We're so close now, Max.

If you can just do this one last thing for Dad.

If you do it without her knowing, then she's not even culpable.

Just get hold of those bids.

And then you can end it.

All right, fine. I'll do it today.

There you go, thanks, love. Have a good day.

And you.

There we go.

Hello, love. What can I get ya?

No, you said that you'd mind Louie for me. I've got work.

Did you forget?

No! No, course not. Just a bit flustered, that's all.

Marie's called in sick, and Tina's got a day off.

You're not going to be able to have Louie as well, then.

Yeah, course I can. He'll be no trouble.

You can help me out, can't ya, Louie?

Right, if you're sure.

Thank you.

Some of his favourite stuff in there,

so should keep him quiet for a little bit.

Right, Louie. Mummy's going to go to work, OK?

-See ya later.

-See ya later.

-Miss you.

-Love you.

-Good morning.

-Is it?

-Know what you need, don't ya?

-What's that?

-A secretary. Or a PA.

-Ain't that what you're for?

I'm an undertaker. I do bodies. I don't do filing.

Yeah, well, right now. Filing will be a bit more use to me.

Why? What you lost now? Not another invoice?

No, the stapler. Sure that thing grows legs when we ain't here.

-It was there.

-Yeah, course it was. Thank you.

There you go, love.

Just sit down, love, I'll come take your order in a minute.

Come on, Louie. No. You can't have all that, darling.

Max! I hate to ask, but I'm desperate.

What do you need?

You couldn't look after Louie for a few hours, could ya?

I'd love to, but I'm... I'm bit busy today.

A bit busy to look after your own grandson?

Actually, forget that. I've just thought of the perfect baby-sitter.

So did you get that present for Bex?

The one you were looking at on the computer?

Nah, it was too much. Couldn't afford it.

I was 20 quid short, so...

-Afford what?

-Something for his girlfriend's birthday.

She's not my girlfriend.

Actually, I don't even know what she is, to be honest.

He was looking to get her some fancy undies.

Oh, sounds good. Can't go wrong with that.

There you go, darling. If that's what you want to get her.

Yeah? Cheers, Mum. See ya later.

-See ya later.

-See ya, darling.

Look, I actually need to talk to ya.

Here's not the place.

All right. Well, come over to mine when you're done with work tonight?

OK.

See ya later.

So how many people do you live with?

Looked like about 30 of you this morning.

I've lost count, to be honest.

S'posed to be me, Jay, Donna and Abi.

Jay's a strange one, isn't he?

How long's he been dealing with the dead?

Not that long. Used to be in cars.

I reckon he'll quit the undertakers,

when he works out what to do with his car lot.

You don't think he'll just sell it?

I would, if it was me.

So why doesn't he?

Something happened there. Someone died or something.

I don't really know the details.

Couldn't mind the cafe for five minutes for me, could ya, love?

-Cheers.

-What? Where you going?

Anyway, the thing is, I've only just found your letter and,

unfortunately, I don't think I'll be able to make next Thursday,

so I was wondering if maybe we could postpone it.

You know, to sometime next month?

Oh, right.

Yeah, yeah,

I see.

What's the matter with you?

What do you mean?

Well, you look less mopey than usual.

Almost...cheery.

They upped your meds?

You know what, Donna? Maybe I'm just in a good mood.

No, gotta be a reason.

All right.

Well, maybe I've got a date tonight.

With a woman?

No, with a lamp post. What do you think?

Who is she?

Well...

It's a blind date.

Oh... She's visually-impaired.

Oh, that makes sense now.

Joke all you like.

This'll be the first date I've been on since me and me ex split up.

I'm feeling pretty good about it.

What if she's a moose?

What if she's a psycho? What if...?

You know what, Donna? You should get on the love train yourself.

It might make you a nicer person.

DOOR SLAMS

Lovely.

You're back early.

Yeah, I'm not staying, but this young man is.

-What?

-Lovely.

Yes, er, Lauren should be back to pick him up in

about five hours, give or take.

No, Mum, Mum, no. I can't.

Look, he's got crayons, toys, games. It's all here.

Mum, I'm not in the right frame of mind.

Ian, you are his grandad and he needs you.

So step up.

DOOR SLAMS

-Oh, hello.

-Hi...

My wife just died, I wondered if I could talk to you about funerals.

Well, you're not married, are ya?

No. The idea doesn't really appeal to me.

Yeah, I got that from you, yeah.

So where do you store the bodies?

The embalming room's out the back, along with the chiller unit.

How many have you got in the fridge at the moment?

Well, none at the moment.

But you're being a little bit disrespectful now.

I'm sorry. I really don't mean to be. It's just fascinating.

You've got to admit, it's an unusual career for a young man to pursue.

Well, you can make a real difference.

I'm sure you can.

Especially with the relatives.

You know, cos they come in here at the worst time of their lives and you can make it...not so bad.

That sounds admirable.

Sorry, why are you here?

Yes, good question.

Ben told me about your car lot.

Wondered if you'd like me to take a look?

-Why?

-I have a little bit of experience in real estate,

thought I might be able to give you some advice.

I totally understand if it's of no interest.

DOOR OPENS

Well, erm, I'm working at the moment.

Yeah, course. I just thought you might get a lunch break.

Not to worry...

You can take your lunch now if you want, Jay.

Take as long as you like.

I'll hold the fort here.

Sorry, mate. Grandad's not in a very playful mood today, is he?

Come on, then. Tell me all about your picture.

-Who's in your picture?

-Mummy.

Mummy. Is that Mummy?

No, Mummy up.

Oh, that's - do you know what? That's brilliant.

A brilliant picture. Have you done another one?

Yeah.

OK, who's in this one? Is that me?

-Yeah.

-Is it?

-Yeah.

-Yeah, you could've made me a bit slimmer, couldn't ya?

-Yeah.

-What d'ya mean, "Yeah"?

-It's very nice though.

-Mummy, where's Mummy?

Where's Mummy? Have you put Grandma on here?

-Yeah.

-Have ya?

Sorry, mate. Grandma's not around at the moment.

She's had to go away for a little bit.

I don't actually know when she's going to be coming back.

It's just you and me, mate, yeah?

-Yeah.

-Yeah.

We'll have to look after each other.

Yeah.

So...where are you taking her, on this blind date?

Posh Indian restaurant in the West End.

What if she's one of those people that likes to share their food?

I really hope not. Nothing worse.

No. Why do I have to share everything?

Why can't I just eat what I've ordered, you know?

Exactly. Look, I know what I like.

-Yes.

-BOTH:

-A chicken tikka masala and a Peshawari naan.

Yeah, well.

Even if she's a psycho moose,

at least I get a curry out of it.

Every cloud...

Bro...

What're you doing?

It's for Bex's birthday.

Are you sure that's a good idea?

I mean, are you two even together?

Shakil?

What are you doing?

Um, er...

It's for my mum, so...

Right. OK, see ya later.

Oh, bro, what was THAT?!

I know it's been really stressful, but I'm going through

the books again, we're waiting on a second opinion. I'm doing everything I can...

I know you are and, er, we really appreciate it.

We'll sort all this out at the meeting.

It's always best to do these things face-to-face, right?

Right.

What about Jane and Ian?

Honestly, I would've had 'em down

as the most rock-solid couple on the Square.

I just can't make any sense out of it.

And no-one knows why she left?

Nope.

-Poor Ian.

-Anyway, enough about all that.

How are things with you, everything OK with Max?

To be honest, I thought it was a bit of fun to begin with.

-Fun?

-Mm.

We are talking about the same Max, aren't we?

Cos I don't think I've seen that man ever crack a smile.

Oh, there is more to Max than you think.

You know, I think he's really starting to open up to me.

-Yeah?

-I don't want to jinx it, but...

I think we might have something special.

The thing with Max is, yeah, deep down he's just a scared little boy.

And it's very hard not to fall a little bit in love with that.

Oh...

I feel like...he'd do anything for me.

Is it just me,

or is there something a little bit spooky about this place?

I can't quite put my finger on it...

I dunno. I don't really believe in all that.

It's not an ideal location either, is it?

You're not going to get much passing trade.

I can see why others have struggled with this site.

But I assume you have a cast-iron business plan?

Well, I'm developing it

and some other areas I'm considering.

Right.

Good for you.

I think it's really brave in the current economic climate.

But I mean, just because most small businesses go bust within

a year, doesn't mean you can't buck the trend.

Had any experience running a business?

A little. Yeah, I've worked quite closely with Billy...

It's all about holding your nerve.

So what if it takes five years of working all hours before you

even start to see a profit?

Got to play the long game, right?

Absolutely right.

It's a shame you don't want to sell this place.

I'd have taken it off you for 150.

Well, if you'd have told me that, I'd have told you where to stick it,

because it's worth double that.

You're right.

I'm sure you could sell it to some corporation,

some suit who'd keep you tied up in contracts

and negotiations for months, if not years without you seeing a penny.

With me, it'd all be pretty instant.

No middleman.

What's this?

Just a little something to show you I'm serious.

Well, like I said, it's not for sale.

OK. Then use it however you want.

Drink it. Sniff it.

Or just hold it in your hand and see how it feels.

Cos there's a lot more where that came from.

I still don't see what's wrong with buying a girl underwear.

That'll be why you don't have a girlfriend.

I don't even know where to start on how wrong this all is.

The main thing with presents is it's gotta be personal.

-Yes!

-Right.

Like a tattoo of her name. Can't get more personal than that.

Unless you want her to take out a restraining order on you.

Mum would have a heart attack! OK. What does Bex like?

What does she, what is she into? What does she love?

I dunno.

-Music.

-Music! Right?

So you write her a song, or you pick her favourite song

and you stand under her window playing it on a boom box.

Right.

What's a boom box?

Look, guys.

Thank you, but I'm just going to figure it out for myself.

That boy.

I worry.

You're looking especially pleased with yourself.

Well, everything's going to plan. How about you?

Are we now the proud owners of a derelict car lot?

-I'm working on it.

-That means no.

It means I'm working on it.

So you've got the bids?

All but.

Is poor Max going to have to jump the ginger council lady again?

Don't, Luke.

Oh, my God...

You're not actually falling for him, are you?

No more than you're falling for your little chav mechanic...

There's nothing little about him, trust me.

So shall we go to a cashpoint?

You can draw out that thousand pounds you owe me?

It's not over yet.

-Blimey, what the hell's happened here?

-Thursday, Jay. We've got 'til Thursday.

-What for?

-HMRC. They want to do a tax inspection.

Well, that's all right. You ain't got nothing to hide. Just show 'em the books.

It ain't about the books, Jay. They've seen the books.

Now they want to see every invoice and receipt for the last two years,

and I don't know whether I've got 'em all!

What am I going to do, hey?

Billy, it's all right.

Right, just explain to 'em we haven't done anything illegal.

You don't get it, do ya?

I have totally winged our tax return.

I don't even know how much money we owe.

Who am I trying to kid, eh?

I'm no businessman.

LAUGHTER

-You're joking.

-No.

Shouldn't you be heading west for your blind curry date?

Yeah.

No, I've just got a text, she ain't coming.

What happened, she Google ya?

Dunno. I was really looking forward to that curry.

All right, listen.

As it happens, I'm ravenous

and I don't have any plans for this evening.

So just because I feel sorry for you, I'm going to let

you buy ME a curry. OK?

Go on, then.

£200,000. You drive a hard bargain.

I want you to be sure, though, Jay.

At the end of the day, what am I going to do with it?

You know, who needs the agg of a business

when you can have 200 grand and an easy life, eh?

But Ben's dad certainly won't like it.

Well, then, maybe it's best if we keep this to ourselves for now.

You won't regret this.

Now all you've got to do is think about what you're going to spend the money on.

Sit down, Max.

Take off your coat.

Take your shoes off, if you want. I don't mind.

Make yourself at home...

Why do you always look like you've got

the weight of the world on your shoulders?

Just work, you know.

They're putting the pressure on.

Just all that stuff we talked about yesterday.

-I thought you'd sorted all that out?

-Nah.

It's just never that easy, is it?

Well, what isn't? I don't understand...

You know, sometimes good people do bad things.

It's like the blokes in prison,

they weren't bad, or evil...

Some of 'em were just unlucky, or made stupid choices...

Maybe they just got caught up in something and...

..didn't know how to get out of it.

Or they'd done nothing wrong at all.

Listen, Carmel...

No, actually, you listen for a second.

After Umar, I'd lost my faith in men.

I decided you were all cheats and liars.

Then I met you.

Do you know how lucky I feel to have found one of the decent ones?

I'm not sure many people round here would agree with ya.

I don't care.

I don't care what anyone else thinks.

I know you.

And I'd defend you to my last breath.

Hi, Max, it's me again.

Can you give me a call when you get this?

I just want to know that everything's sorted.

OK, thanks, bye.

Little Maxie gone AWOL?

No. It's all in hand.

No, I think Dad's going to be disappointed in you.

Fortunately, he'll have the car lot to cheer him up.

I believe that's a grand you owe me.

Funny, innit. All that time off I had,

I couldn't wait to get back to work.

Now I'm back at work

and all I'm thinking is I can't wait to get home and see my boy.

Yeah, well. That's life as a working parent -

knackered, guilty

and constantly wishing you was somewhere else.

Are you going to show me what one's that?

Boys and their toys, eh?

Look at him. He's loving life.

He never gets to play like this when he's at Abi's house.

He's not got enough room on the floor for one of his toys.

You can always move back in here?

-What?

-Couldn't they, Ian?

You know, you and Louie.

Yeah, I mean, we've got the space.

I mean, it's just the two of us now and...

I mean, we're going to be busy getting Beale's back on its feet...

Think about it. You'd always have a baby-sitter.

I dunno.

It's not that I don't appreciate it.

It's just...

Yeah, I know. There's a lot of history in this house.

There's probably a lot of stuff you'd like to forget.

Same goes for all of us.

But, look, it's important to have people around you that...

understand you and can support you.

I know that's what I need right now.

Yeah.

Yeah, OK, then, why not?

You'd love that, wouldn't you?

Move back in with Grandad.

I tell you what. I'll show you this, he did this earlier.

I tell you what, no help from me at all.

Budding Van Gogh.

Look at that.

You did this, didn't ya?

-Clever boy.

-Which one was me?

-Mummy.

-Which one was Mummy?

-What one's Mummy?

TV: 'In his mid-30s and looking to develop his business,

'Brown was invited to a sprawling rural estate in Leicestershire...'

-So you actually punched him?

-Yeah.

-Where?

-Where do you think?

Why?

Right, turns out the whole thing was a misunderstanding.

I thought he'd called me a cheeky half-pint.

Actually, he was asking me if I WANTED one.

No.

It was a real shame.

Going pretty well up until then.

Kind of takes the shine off an evening

when you smack a guy in the, you know.

Donna, I've had some pretty bad first dates in my time,

but YOU are an expert.

Honestly, if this had a been a first date,

then it would have been one of the least bad dates I've ever had.

Yes.

But it wasn't a first date, was it?

No, no, no.

Course not.

It was just a mercy mission.

Right.

It's Max.

Look, I know you wanted those tender bids, but I don't want to see

an innocent person getting caught in the crossfire.

So what's going to happen is this.

We're going to sit down,

face-to-face and talk this through.

Cos I'm done dancing to your tune...

It's time we sorted this out.