06/11/2017 EastEnders


06/11/2017

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Transcript


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It's extraordinary. Absolutely extraordinary.

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I swear, you haven't changed at all.

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Not one little bit.

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25 years.

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How do you do it?

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Haven't got a picture in the attic somewhere, have you?

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Can't say the same for the rest of the place.

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A lot of changes out there.

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None of them for the better,

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from what I can see.

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All those boarded up businesses. Such a shame.

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Get out.

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I'm not here to cause you any trouble, Kathy.

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I promise you.

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Just want a few minutes of your time, that's all.

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Just to talk.

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I suppose it's a bit late for coffee.

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This is something of a surprise, I know.

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Maybe I should have called ahead, given you some advance warning.

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I do apologise.

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Perhaps that was thoughtless of me.

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How's Ian?

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I'm told he has a few businesses round here.

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It's always nice, isn't it, when your children find their way?

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I have three now.

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All grown up as well, of course, but they've all found their feet.

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One way or another.

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What do you want?

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Down to business, is it?

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You always were the same, weren't you?

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No nonsense.

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Straight down the line. It's one of the things that made me

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realise you'd be just right for the Dagmar.

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I said, what do you want?

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And you've always been able to do that, too, haven't you?

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Read me.

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Here's me going on about children, businesses,

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anything and everything, but you just know, don't you?

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You know this isn't just a trip down memory lane.

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I'm dying, Kathy.

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I had the diagnosis a few days ago.

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Liver cancer.

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A few months at the most.

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I was sitting in the consultant's office, you know.

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There was a window behind his desk.

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Looking out on to the street.

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I saw a bus go past. A big, red London bus.

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I suddenly thought, how strange!

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Everything was so normal, so everyday.

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Just like it was a few moments before.

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Nothing ever would be again, would it?

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Everything had suddenly changed forever.

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But from the moment the consultant told me,

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from the very moment he gave me that prognosis, I didn't think

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about the people I'd have expected to think about, my family, friends.

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The person I wanted to tell was you.

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Look, you don't mind, do you? I just really need a glass of water.

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PLATE SHATTERS Ooh. It's all right. I'll get it.

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I'll help you clear that up, if you like.

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Thank you.

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Honey.

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You all right?

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Is there any news?

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The doctor's in with her now, so...

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-I'd best get back to her.

-Yeah, yeah.

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Where's Billy?

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-Where are you going?

-I need some fresh air.

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-Don't do anything stupid.

-I think I've already done that, don't you?

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I meant what I said. Nothing's going to change by you holding your hands up.

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-Janet will still be in hospital, but you'll be in the nick.

-I'm just going for a walk.

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OK? Nothing more, I promise.

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25 years. Can you believe it?

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You look ahead and you think it's forever.

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Look back and zoom, there it is, gone.

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-In the blink of an eye.

-Why are you here?

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Because it's last chance time, Kathy.

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Last chance for me.

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And the last chance for you, too, I suppose.

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Things went wrong between us. There's no denying that.

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There was so much bitterness back then.

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So many harsh words.

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And they don't just fade away, do they?

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They stay with you.

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Worm their way inside your head.

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And they don't just affect everything you do at the time,

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but afterwards as well.

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I know that.

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And you probably do, too.

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In fact, I know you do.

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Don't misunderstand me, Kathy.

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I haven't been keeping tabs on you or anything.

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I'm not some kind of stalker.

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But these days, it's not that difficult to keep in touch

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with how people are getting on.

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So I do know, the false dawns, the wrong turns.

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What was it...? Someone mentioned some chap from South Africa.

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An old friend of your brother's, wasn't he?

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This isn't a criticism, Kathy. Good heavens!

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Don't start thinking that for a minute. That's not what I'm saying.

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And that's not why I'm here.

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Any wrong turn you've taken, I've taken, too.

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At least. We've rather a lot in common, so far as that's concerned.

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No, we ain't.

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And that's why I'm here.

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It's 30 years since we first met.

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It's the blink of an eye.

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It's all in the past.

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But it isn't because nothing ever is.

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You think you've moved on, that you're a different person,

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but you're not.

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Not really.

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You're the sum of all your past actions.

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Everything you've done, everyone you've ever met, ever loved.

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Ever lost.

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We all carry them around, don't we?

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All these ghosts on our shoulders.

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And that's why I'm here.

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To see if we can get rid of them,

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banish all those ghosts for both of us.

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LAUGHTER OUTSIDE

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-Trick or treat!

-Well, well. What have we here?

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Treat, I think.

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Don't you, Kathy?

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There you go.

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That's for all of you.

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-ALL:

-Thank you!

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'Mum, Dad, look!'

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Hey, hey! Was you round here a couple of hours ago?

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There was a little girl, she got hit by a car.

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Did you see anything? Did you see who did it?

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Don't run away! I'm talking to you!

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Billy, what are you doing?

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Someone saw something!

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Must have!

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I mean, this is a busy road, isn't it?

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There's people round here all the time.

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I can't do this, Teen.

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I can't lose her.

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She's my little girl.

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Honey chucked me out.

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I... I told her that she loved Will more than Janet.

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That she never really loved Janet, not really.

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I said that he was her favourite.

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How dare you!

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-Sorry?

-How dare you say my life is like yours!

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-I don't think I did, to be fair.

-Fair?!

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Listen to you.

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The way you're going on, you think you cast this

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great, big shadow over everything I've ever done.

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I have built a life for myself.

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With my kids, and my grandkids.

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I ain't got no ghosts.

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I've got people.

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People who I love and who love me.

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Your life might have gone belly up over the last 25 years,

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but mine hasn't.

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And despite what you did, I've had no choice but to carry on.

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I do understand, Kathy.

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-What?

-Whatever else you think of me, you know I'm not stupid.

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Give me credit for that, at least.

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But there is damage, isn't there?

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For me and for you.

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I'm not about to deny that.

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And you've always been too honest to fool yourself as well.

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But if life can take a wrong turn, it can take a right turn, too,

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can't it?

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Can't we at least see if we can try?

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A bit late for that, don't you think?

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No.

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No, I don't.

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You're still here. I am, too.

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For a time, anyway.

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The clock might be ticking, but it is still ticking,

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so isn't it even more important that somehow, if we possibly can,

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we try to resolve these things between you and me?

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Come on then.

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You've no idea how much I've been hoping you'd say that.

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I had to sit through your version of what you did day after

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day in that court.

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But the one thing I have never heard from you is the truth.

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Not what you told the judge, not the lies you fed the jury.

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But what actually happened.

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The pictures I see when I close my eyes,

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the pictures you must be seeing right now, too.

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But I'm talking about moving forward, not going back.

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That's the whole point.

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Not raking over things that can't be changed,

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but moving on, you and me, to something new.

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You and me will never move on to anything new.

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Not like that.

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That's not what I meant.

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So you tell me...

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You tell me,

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what happened that night?

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Of course.

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-If that's how you want to play this.

-I'm not playing anything.

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This ain't some stupid game!

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Clumsy turn of phrase.

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Look, why don't you sit here?

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It does seem rather ridiculous, me over here and you over there,

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behind that counter.

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Just tell me.

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I said things at the trial I now bitterly regret.

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I said things about you I'm ashamed of.

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My only defence is that I was scared.

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And I freely admit that.

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I simply couldn't understand how we'd got into that position.

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That situation. And I suppose I just...hit out.

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And I'm ashamed.

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It was unforgivable.

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Well, I hope this clears that up, at least.

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You couldn't understand

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how you were on trial for...what you did?

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How everything had become so complicated.

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-What did you expect?

-No, between you and me, I mean.

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Be fair.

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One thing we'd always been able

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to do was talk to each other, communicate.

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Remember all those late night conversations in the Dagmar

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after work? Just you and me?

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We'd put the world to rights for hours on end, sometimes.

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I looked at you in that courtroom,

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it was like looking at a stranger.

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I simply couldn't understand how everything could have changed,

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just like that.

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Well, I understood.

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I understood perfectly.

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But I don't understand this.

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I asked you to tell me what happened that night

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and how you see all that now, but all you're

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doing is going on about how you don't understand things.

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-Well, that's not quite what I said.

-Well, it sounded like it to me.

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Going back like this, trying to relive everything that's happened, way back in the past,

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it just leads to more bitterness, more misunderstandings.

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Let me do it for you, then.

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-What?

-Well, you won't tell me what happened, so I'll tell you, shall I?

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I can take you through every bit of that night, second by second,

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cos I have been over it time and time again,

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trying to work out how it could have happened.

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How you could have got it all so wrong.

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And do you know the first question?

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The very first question I've always asked myself?

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When did it start?

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-I don't understand.

-When exactly...

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..that night...

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did you decide...

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to do...what you did?

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We'd closed up, remember?

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We'd watched Simon and his mates go off to that party.

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We'd even laughed about the girl he was trying to get off with.

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How everything had all got mixed up.

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It was... It was just all so normal.

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Like any other night.

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Well, as far as I was concerned, anyway.

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And then I was about to go home and suddenly, you were there with a drink in your hand.

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You didn't ask if I wanted one.

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You didn't say, "Can I get you something before you go?"

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You just poured it for me.

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And it was stupid, I know, because I didn't really want it.

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But it was already there. You were holding it out to me.

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And so, somehow...

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It just seemed rude to say no.

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So, was that it?

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Was that the moment?

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When I took that drink from you, was that the moment you thought,

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"Right, I can get a bit more than a drink out of this tonight"?

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Kathy, I honestly have absolutely no idea what you're talking about.

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And then you said, "Let's talk," remember?

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"Somewhere more comfortable." Just like you said come and sit over in that chair just now.

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And do you know something?

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You said it back then, too, what you said just now.

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"This is ridiculous."

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You actually used them very same words. "This is ridiculous.

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"I'm standing here in this draughty, old bar, when there's a nice warm flat upstairs."

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-Oh, come on. You don't think...

-And I didn't really want to go up to your flat.

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Just like I didn't really want the drink you'd poured me.

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I just wanted to go home.

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But you were already on your way up the stairs,

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and so what was I supposed to do?

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Just turn round and walk away from you?

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And yes, I know that was stupid, too.

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I just thought it would have seemed rude again, so...up I went.

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So, was that it?

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Was that the moment?

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When you turned round and saw me in that doorway,

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saw that I had done what you had asked me to do,

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followed you up to your flat, was that the moment you thought,

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"I can get her to do something else tonight and all"?

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Kathy, is this really serving any useful purpose?

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But then, we started talking

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and you steered the conversation round to Pete and our marriage.

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And yeah, we were having problems, I admit that. I told you that myself.

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Not a patch on the problems we had afterwards, mind you, but you kept

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talking all about that and about me and Pete and acting so nice.

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And so concerned.

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And then you started telling me about your own wife

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and about the problems you were having with her.

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So, what was that?

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What were you doing? Softening me up?

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What was happening in your head when all that was going on?

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Were you thinking, "Right, I've got her in the place I want,

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"I've got a drink in her hand,

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"and now I paint the picture of the pair of us

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"as two lost souls, that should do the trick"?

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"That should get her melting in my arms,"

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especially with the music you put on at the same time.

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"But just in case that's not enough, just in case, I know what I'll do.

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"I'll go to the kitchen,

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"I'll get that bottle of champagne out the fridge.

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"Oh, that should do it. She's bound to stay then.

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"I mean, why shouldn't she?

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"She stayed for that one drink I poured her down in the bar,

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"she's bound to stay for another one, once I've opened the whole bottle."

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So, was that it?

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The moment you opened that champagne,

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was that for you, was it? To toast yourself, cos you thought,

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"Yes, I've got her just where I want her. Clever, little me!"

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Got nothing to say?

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It don't matter.

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Cos I'll tell you, shall I?

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Cos I know exactly when it was.

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I've had a long time to work it out.

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It wasn't after any of that, was it?

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It wasn't after the drink down in the bar, or up in your flat,

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it wasn't after the chat about Pete.

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It wasn't when you put the music on, or when you opened that champagne.

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It was when Simon

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and his mates left and you closed

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and locked that door behind them.

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That's the moment that you decided

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you were going to do what you

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did that night!

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And nothing, and no-one, was going to stop you!

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But I tried, didn't I?

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I tried to stop you.

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I tried telling you to leave me alone, but you wouldn't.

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You just held my wrists with one hand and then you...

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And all the time, I was thinking,

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when it was happening and afterwards, was...

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Why didn't I do more?

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Your lawyer even said so in court. I mean, how could you do it?

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How could you hold me down on that floor with your one hand

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round my wrists?

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Why didn't I struggle more? Why...?

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Why didn't I lash out and kick you off me?

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Showed I must have wanted it, right?

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No.

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I was terrified.

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I was terrified. And I froze.

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Just like I did when you walked in here this evening.

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I couldn't move.

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I just lay on that floor and I thought, please, let this be over.

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Let this not be happening.

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Just like I thought when you walked in tonight and I looked at you

0:23:090:23:12

and thought, no, let him not be here.

0:23:120:23:17

Let me not be seeing him again.

0:23:170:23:19

And I am sorry, Kathy,

0:23:210:23:23

truly sorry, beyond words,

0:23:250:23:27

that I made you feel that way this evening.

0:23:290:23:31

Never mind about how I feel.

0:23:330:23:36

How about being sorry for what you did?

0:23:360:23:41

And I'm even more sorry that you can't leave all this behind you.

0:23:450:23:50

That you can't move on.

0:23:500:23:51

I've tried.

0:23:590:24:01

I've tried offering resolution, at a difficult time for me.

0:24:010:24:07

And you've just thrown it back in my face.

0:24:070:24:11

You really are totally deluded, aren't you?

0:24:140:24:17

Here's my address.

0:24:190:24:20

And number.

0:24:230:24:24

In case you change your mind.

0:24:260:24:28

Say black is white, you mean, and you aren't what you are?

0:24:280:24:31

Things could have been so different, you know?

0:24:330:24:36

Yeah.

0:24:360:24:37

If you hadn't done...

0:24:370:24:40

what you did.

0:24:400:24:42

It's more the future I'm thinking of.

0:24:450:24:47

What are you talking about?!

0:24:490:24:51

But I suppose that was always your problem, wasn't it?

0:24:530:24:57

Always the one thing that held you back.

0:24:570:25:01

You'd get one idea in your head and no-one would be able to shift it.

0:25:010:25:05

Well...

0:25:090:25:11

like I said...

0:25:110:25:14

I tried.

0:25:140:25:15

SHE SOBS

0:25:240:25:27

Look, I know you don't want to see no-one,

0:25:300:25:33

so just stay here for five minutes, yeah? And then I will check everyone's asleep

0:25:330:25:37

and I'll get you a bed sorted out upstairs.

0:25:370:25:40

I ain't going to be able to sleep tonight.

0:25:400:25:43

Look, you never meant what you said, yeah? Honey will understand that.

0:25:430:25:47

It's just cos of what happened. The accident.

0:25:470:25:52

I'm going to lose her, ain't I?

0:25:520:25:54

-Going to lose Honey.

-No, of course not.

-You didn't see her face, Teen.

0:25:540:25:58

-When I said all of that...

-Billy...

-She had this look in her eye.

0:25:580:26:01

Please, stop it.

0:26:010:26:03

It's over.

0:26:030:26:05

I'm so sorry.

0:26:080:26:09

What are you sorry for? It ain't your fault, is it, silly?

0:26:090:26:12

Billy, listen...

0:26:120:26:15

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