21/11/2017 EastEnders

-What's that?

-Don't know, babe.

What's that? What's that?

It's a tractor.

What's that?

What's that?

-What's that?

-What's that?

What's that, Mummy?

-What one?

-Mummy?

Yeah?

Vroom vroom!

There's a man on it.

Well, don't just stand there with your gums on the floor - take 'em.

-Mum, why are you being weird?

-You never make us packed lunch.

Well, if you don't want 'em, I'll give 'em to Bronson.

And you're going to be late an' all.

What are you trying to get rid of us for?

And where even is this mechanics?

I've already given you the address.

And they're definitely looking?

Yeah!

And why did you send Riley and Chatham to their dad's, eh?

There's something up with you today.

Yeah - you lot. Now, go!

RINGING

Hello?

It's me.

We all sorted?

Yeah, I got another 250 out this morning.

Good girl. I'll be round in a bit, then.

You still here? You're going to be late, ain't you?

Yeah, I'm working from home.

Must be nice to be a millennial.

Mind you, I don't suppose I can serve bacon butties

and cups of teas from the house.

RINGING

Everything all right?

Yeah, fine.

Right, well,

I've got a day off, so I'm popping to the shops with Michelle.

Louie, want to come with me?

No, no, he's fine with me.

Well, I don't mind taking him, you know.

Might be nice for him to get out the house for a bit,

and I'm sure Michelle would love to see him.

Lauren, are you sure everything's all right?

Fine.

Right, well, I won't be long, all right? Don't work too hard.

RINGING

LAUGHING

And then you were up dancing,

then next minute you were sparko,

and we've all got to carry you up the stairs.

Oh, wow. Where's my bag, Whit?

Here.

My dignity's not in there, is it?

Shall I make you a bit of breakfast?

Oh, please.

-All right.

-Thank you.

You're not talking to me now, then?

I'm not in the mood for this.

Mood for what?

Why didn't you tell me that Lee's finally filed for divorce?

You went out the house this morning without saying a word.

Look, I know you're still angry with me about last night, I get that.

I'm getting that loud and clear.

I come here for a bit of peace and quiet, not another row.

You know what I'm like, Joyce.

It's easier for me to have a bit of a laugh, make a joke of things.

You can say that again.

I'm just as scared about all this as you are.

OK, OK. Then talk about it.

I might have a bit of a surprise for you later.

If we can still be friends?

Buy me another cuppa. I'll think about it.

You're still short.

And now you owe more interest.

More? Why?

Cos you've kept me waiting another day. That's another ton.

I ain't got it. You're mugging me off!

I'm a reasonable man.

If you'd've paid me on time - like we agreed - happy days, right?

But you didn't. Did you?

There's no more money.

Start with the TV.

No! Please, please, come on. No, you can't take that.

-Get out my way.

-Please, please, come on.

-Move!

-I'm still paying instalments on that! Please!

FOOTSTEPS

Kathy?

What are you doing here?

Wanted to see you.

You can't just walk into people's houses!

Well, I'm here now, so...can I stay?

Look, it weren't like that, I was going to tell you...

Well, but instead I had to find out from that muppet in there.

Well, he's Lee's mate. Lee probably told him!

I don't even know why we're arguing about this.

I love you, you daft git.

Oh, I love the smell of sizzling sausages in the morning.

Any more of that coffee going?

Woody...

I only borrowed 300 in the first place!

Mum, why are there two blokes outside with our telly?

Mum, you told me you'd sorted it!

Yeah, I am sorting it.

Who are you, huh?

What are you doing in my house?

Keanu, stop!

Listen to your mother, yeah? There's a good lad.

I'll be back later.

What have you done?

Oh!

Got to head to the bar.

Why you sneaking up on me?!

Look, I made you breakfast in bed.

-But I'm not in bed.

-Well, it's on a tray.

Well, at least have some of the toast. Yeah?

Like the flower?

It's a shock, I know. I know.

It's not really a shock, is it?

I've got to get to work.

Are you kidding?

We'll talk about that later.

Vincent, I'm pregnant! Hello?

Earth to Vincent.

I'm with child!

Thanks.

We ran out of sugar.

-That's fine.

-Yeah, well, it'll have to be, won't it?

Right, well, you said you wanted to talk?

I don't understand you.

One minute we're having a laugh and getting on fine

and everything's great.

Everything's really, really great.

And then the next minute you just done a runner

and you're not answering my calls or texts!

-I'm going to have to wake Louie up from his nap soon.

-That can wait.

No, it can't, actually. He is my son, and he comes first.

End of.

Why are you being so weird?

Oh! So being a mother is weird now, is it?

That's not what I said at all.

I said why are you being weird. Which you are.

What are you even doing here, anyway?

I mean, I know you're my boss, and I don't mean to be rude,

but surely there's some sort of law against harassing

employees in their own home.

It's not like I haven't been here before.

And I don't see you as just an employee.

You don't know nothing about me.

I know you're...kind.

And clever and...all kinds of sexy.

And that's a start.

Don't.

Why not?

Because I am a mess.

There is so much about me that you don't know,

and if you did, I promise you, you would run a mile,

and I wouldn't blame you.

Then tell me!

Lauren?

Oh!

What do you want me to say?

I've had an abortion, that I've got acute alcoholic hepatitis -

this isn't even the bad stuff, by the way.

I'm an alcoholic, Josh.

But you don't even drink.

Because I'm an alcoholic.

So you're sober, then? So what? My cousin's sober, and...

sanest one out of the lot of us.

Yeah, well, good for him.

Her.

So do you go to meetings and stuff..?

No.

Yeah. Sometimes.

Good - great. That's, you know, that's really good.

Well, thank you so much, I'm so glad I have your approval.

This isn't about my approval, Lauren, it's about the fact

that you're on top of it, I mean, that's really good.

That's something to be proud of.

Can you just get out, please?

No, Lauren. I know what you're trying to do and it's not going to work. None of that matters to me.

Yeah, well, it matters to me!

You are nothing but a...

You're just a posh boy.

You don't know nothing about the real world, do you?

Do you?!

Just get out. Get out now!

Just go.

Mummy. Mummy.

How's the old nut holding up?

I felt rough this morning, I won't lie to you.

-Feel all right now, though.

-Fair play to you.

You army boys, you can half put it away.

It's work hard, play hard, innit?

Do you still like it? The army?

Yeah, it's all right.

Can barely make ends meet at the moment, though, you know?

I sometimes wonder, you know, what it would've been like for Lee,

if he hadn't have left, and...

Yeah, he was a good soldier, Lee.

Yeah, he's a good boy, you know.

Had his troubles and that...

Yeah. Got through 'em.

It's the one thing they don't tell you about being a parent.

You never stop worrying about 'em, no matter how old or ugly they get.

Listen, I wish my old man's as sound as you, I can tell you that.

Oh, don't be fooled. I'm only soft on the outside.

Look, I appreciate you letting me stay last night an' all.

Well, you was in no state to go nowhere, was you?

Still appreciate it, though.

Don't you worry about that.

The lager ready?

Oh, er... Nearly.

Nearly. Come on, leg boat.

-Right.

-That's it, get the old barrel on there. There you go.

Ooh! When you said you were going to be working from home,

I half expected you'd be sitting in front of the TV all day.

How was Michelle?

She's great. Just had a good gossip. Bought myself a new top.

I think I just saw your boss at the tube station.

Yeah. He popped over to... get some paperwork.

Oh.

What?

Oh, Lauren, I've heard the way you talk about him.

It is OK to move on.

Move on from what?

Steven.

You know, I'd give anything to be sitting where you are right now.

You know, you're young, talented, you've got the world at your feet.

You've got it all to come.

I had it all to come once.

Me and Pete used to talk about all the plans we were going to make.

The places we were going to go.

Funny how life turns out.

But you've got Louie, you've got your health,

you've got a roof over your head, and you've got people who love you.

Everything else - it don't matter.

That's really nice of you, Kathy, but...

Look, just hear me out, OK? What I'm trying to say is...

you don't want to end up like me, right?

The wrong side of 60 and all alone.

It's not a nice place to be.

And you deserve better.

How long am I going to have to put up with you two sulking, then?

Don't know what you're talking about.

Look, Whitney is marrying you... you. That's what counts.

Lee's started his divorce proceedings.

Has he? He ain't told me.

Anyway, ain't that a good thing?

Yeah, would be if Whit told me herself.

'Stead I had to hear it from that mug.

Oh, Woody, you're going to have to grow up.

All right, you're making something out of nothing.

Marriage is about compromise, you know, forgiveness.

You're going have to learn that.

It's not just about Whit.

Then what is it about, then?

Him and Mick getting on like a house on fire...

He's fond of him, so what?

Why ain't he fond of me? I swear I've done everything, seriously.

Look, Moose reminds him of Lee,

it's only natural that he takes a shine to him.

# Da da! # Come here, you, go on - go and make yourself busy.

Go on.

Why's he still here?

Oh, he just wants to help out, cos he crashed out here last night.

But we ain't got any money to pay him.

That's the point, he's paying us back now, isn't he, eh?

SINGING

Just keep your head down.

-There we go.

-Cheers, Marie.

Ooh, you look busy.

Yeah, all a bit manic at the minute.

Yeah, that's because you spend all your time in here and not in the office.

RINGING

Sorry, I've got to take this.

All right.

Oh, don't mind me.

Oh, sorry. I've just got to get this booked. Right - open return.

Looking forward to spending time with your mum?

Yeah, be nice to get away from this place for a while.

You going to tell her this time?

'Bout your little bun in the oven.

No.

I don't know. Why?

Well, you can't hide it from her for ever.

That's the thing about babies, Abs - they grow.

I can, um... I can try and get a loan.

No. No more loans.

That's how I got into the mess in the first place.

Cos the geezer's a loan shark, Mum. If we'd've went to the bank...

You think the bank's going to lend us money?

This ain't... It ain't legal, Mum.

Oh, you think I don't know that?

They've got us by the short and curlies.

Mum, Mum! What are we going to do?

Mum!

Mum!

What are you doing?

Mum, that was Nanna's ring.

Mum.

Everything all right?

Yeah, yeah, fine. How is it?

Yeah. Mine needed a bit of salt.

Oh, you are having a laugh!

Did you do this?

Jay does it to me all the time.

Get off...!

Do I look like some stupid little kid to you?

What are you doing? It was a joke!

You're stressed, I was trying to cheer you up!

Jokes are meant to be funny.

What... Where you going?

I'm needed in the office.

Luke?!

Izzy was an absolute state. I swear, she couldn't even stand.

Everyone was asking about you, Joshy.

Nobody from school has seen you in ages.

Still not talking, are we?

I'm talking.

Listen, you got to make it work with her.

Well, why have I got to be the one to make it work?

Cos that girl's going to make you happy

and I'm sick of looking at that sorry looking drop boat of yours.

It was nothing, all right? We were messing about.

Ben, he grabbed you. We saw it.

It didn't look like messing about to me.

Are you sure that this is what you want?

I've heard it all now, ain't I?

Relationship advice from Abi Branning!

-That's not fair.

-The woman who faked a pregnancy to keep me around.

Fair play, Abs.

Whose side are you on?

Listen, you're just jealous.

You can't stand the fact that I'm finally happy.

Ben, I'm just trying to be a mate.

Lauren? All right?

Yeah. Fine.

D'you mind if I sit with you?

No, course not.

I hate the winter, it gets dark so quick.

I always do better in the spring.

She asleep?

Yeah, she's just gone off.

I tell you what, sometimes it feels like a merry-go-round

of nappies, vomit and no sleep.

How do you know if you're a good mum?

How d'you mean?

I dunno. That you're doing it right.

No-one does, do they?

We just make it up as we go along.

But we'd do anything for 'em, so I guess that's how you know.

Yeah. They come before everything.

Yeah, course they do.

You going to go and get changed, then?

What? Why?

It's not really appropriate, is it?

Are you being serious?

It's not really appropriate for the theatre. Stalls, middle aisle.

42nd Street. Me and you, tonight.

Really?

Yeah.

That's nice. How did you get them?

Oh, I know a man who knows a man who knows a dog.

What about work?

Oh, you've got the night off. Both of you. Go and enjoy yourselves.

Go on - go and get your bit of clobber on.

Thank you!

Thanks, Linda.

You're welcome. Oh, I do love a musical.

Go on...

Look at her, everyone, look at her.

Ted, no, I don't know where I'm going!

It's all right, we're nearly there.

Right - open your eyes. Da-da!

Oh, my goodness me, Ted!

Right, we've got scotch eggs, we've got hot soup,

and we've even got one or two tots of Patrick's rum.

Oh, love, you shouldn't have.

MUSIC PLAYS

Remember this? Come on, girl.

How could I forget?

# Happy with a girl like you... #

-You don't answer your phone?

-Don't start.

Don't start? I tell you I am with child and you don't

so much as raise an eyebrow and then you disappear for the whole day?

-Look, I'm just...

-What? You cheating on me, is that it?

-No!

-You find yourself some little bit of fluff on the side?

-Kim!

-Kim what?

-Stop.

Look, if it's not that, then what is it?

Because I can't fathom why you're not running around doing a happy dance!

This is good news, Vincent.

Yeah... Yes.

Look, Pearl's at nursery now,

we're starting to get time to ourselves again,

and another mouth to feed...

Money? You're worried about money?

It's just a bit of a shock.

Look, I'm just thinking about the practicalities, that's all.

I know it's a shock.

But it's our baby! You know?

We can keep it low key.

Low key?

-Yeah. Hm?

-Hm.

-Hm-mm?

-Hm.

-Come on, then.

-OK.

-Low key.

-Low key.

We're having a baby! All right.

Where you going?

I'm going record my first pre-natal parenting V-LOG. Vlog.

Hi! And welcome to my channel and pregnancy...

-Hiya.

-Hi, love.

-D'ya want a cuppa tea?

-I've got one already. Come on through.

What?

Josh.

Right, well, I think I'll go to the Vic, catch up with Shirley.

S'cuse me.

Turn it around.

Yeah, turn it around. I'll turn it round, then. You want me to do it?

Hey, baby. What you doing?

Where we bringing it?

-He's a clever boy.

-In here.

Wow!

Take it now!

Right, let's make this quick.

We ain't got your money.

Then why are you wasting my time?

Cos I can give you this.

Make you feel like a big man, does it?

This ain't worth a tenner.

It were my mum's engagement ring.

White goods and electrics.

No, come on. Please, mate! Come on! Doesn't help if you take the stereo, does it!

-DOG GROWLS

-Mum! Mum! Mum! Bronson, shh.

TV PLAYS

RINGING

Is that him?

Yeah, hello?

Hey - just closed the deal on that new block near Ealing.

Oh, right?

Still angry, then?

Can you blame me?

No. Look, I was stressed with work and stuff, and...

I was an idiot.

Yeah, you were.

So you want to come over?

What for?

So I can apologise properly.

"Living Doll" PLAYS

Takes you back.

Oh! We'd been married a few years by then.

Well, you know what that means?

Yeah - we're old.

Well, there's no-one that I would rather have spent my life with.

Don't get maudlin. Plenty more years in us yet.

Something I've got to tell you. The solicitor called.

He said we should each pack a suitcase.

What for?

For court.

I saw you with Imogen.

I came to the office this afternoon.

Yeah.

-Yeah, she wanted us to make another go of it.

-Oh!

I told her no, cos I wasn't interested.

Cos I was interested in someone else.

Interested in a mad, crazy alcoholic who likes to ignore my calls

and texts and chuck me out of her house.

She told me last night you hated kids, and you don't want 'em.

No, not with her, I don't - cos I don't love her.

-It won't come out.

-Fine.

What about when I asked you if you wanted to come to the zoo

with us, you said can't it just be me and you?

Because I wanted to spoil you, not cos I didn't want Louie to come.

Look, d'you really think I'd be here if that mattered to me?

Look, I want to be with you,

but I know Louie comes first. You two come as a package

and, you know what, that's fine with me.

I still want to be with you.

Really wish you hadn't said that.

Why not?

What's that you got there? You want to play some football?

-No.

-Yeah?

-No.

No? What you want to do then?

He wants Mummy.

Oh, I see!

No, it's ring-fenced, for the development money...

-Mum?

-No, look, you're going to have to talk to Finn about that.

-Mum, what's going on?!

-It's all right, it's all right - go to your rooms.

-Look, will you shut that dog up?!

Actually - take him as well.

No! Get your hands off him! Bronson!

You can't take him!

Mate, it's absolute carnage here.

Listen, fella, I'm going to have to give you a buzz back...

Get me my money!

Bronson! Bronson!

Mum? Why are they taking him? BRONSON!

It's fine, we'll get him back. We'll get him back.

No! No!

Why do they keep singing all the time?

Because it's a musical.

Yeah, but it's crap, innit? I mean, keep suddenly bursting into song.

-You got to suspend your disbelief.

-Suspend me what?

Scrubs up all right, don't she, eh?

-Right, come on, we'll see you later.

-Bye.

How do you keep her?

What d'you say, pal?

Nothing. Go enjoy your night.

Woody, leave it.

Nah, give us a second.

You got something to say, say it.

-Why don't you...

-Get off me - what you doing?

-Stop it!

-Oi, oi, oi! Turn it in!

You've been winding me up all day! You know that!

-All day!

-Get off!