23/11/2017 EastEnders

Geeza here, his old woman found out he's got a whole

family on the other side of the country.

Wife, chavs... I mean, how does he have the energy for that?

Is this your way of telling me there's another Mrs Carter,

with a load of little Carters running around somewhere?

-Oh, leave off, you lot have put enough years on me.

-Oi!

Young man...? You going to help me in the barrel store or...?

Yeah, course... I do want to try and catch Ted and Joyce

before they go to court, though.

Wonder how long they'll get sent down for.

Well, lets hope it doesn't come to that.

I thought you'd forgiven them.

Nah, I said I understood how it happened.

Forgiveness is something else.

-Morning.

-Morning.

-Morning.

All right...

-Babe, ya all right?

-Excuse me....

It's all ruined!

I'm dreading the boys coming back, can't bear telling them

about Bronson.

It's going to break their hearts.

They're going to look after him, aren't they?

Yeah, course they will...

They're not going to know he likes his tummy rubbed or he won't eat unless someone's with him...

Are we getting the electric back soon? I need to keep Rooney warm.

Why couldn't they have taken him instead of Bronson?

They're not going to want him, are they?

There must be a way we can get Bronson back. They can't just take someone's pet!

-Do you think they'll come back, Mum?

-Oh, it's only going to get worse, ain't it?

You know, another 200 quid interest and what happens when we can't pay that, yeah?

You know, it's going to end up being thousands.

I need a fag.

Oh!

I'll be at your back gate in two minutes...

What are you doing here?

You're not going to work.

Why not?

I've got other plans. You-and-me plans for the day.

Sounds promising...

Meet me at your back gate, yeah?

OK. Bye.

Any idea how long you've got off at Christmas?

No, not yet.

I bet you'll have one of them office parties, won't ya?

I've never had one of them.

I suppose so, dunno.

Lovely day out there.

Bet you wish you weren't stuck in an office all day.

I'll, erm, just go and get little man ready...

Here, I'm going to go for a run. You fancy it?

Since when do I run?

HE CHUCKLES

Yeah. You all right?

Yeah, I'm fine. I just needed some space.

Yeah, I thought we got past this yesterday, babe,

but we haven't, have we?

And I said I'm sorry.

I mean, what kind of geeza would I be if I just let him

crack on with you like that? I mean, I don't...

Oh, "He started it", yeah?

Woody...

..I want to marry a man, I don't want someone in a playground.

I'll work on it.

Yeah. I know.

Look, let's go for a run. We've got two hours.

No, no...

I'm going to go and see Stacey, all right?

Yeah, all right.

Whit...?

Yeah?

We're all right, ain't we?

Yeah.

Thanks. You're a life-saver. I mean it, a real hero!

Now all we've got to do is find 200 quid...

I'll go round mates, see what I can get.

We got to stay positive, yeah?

Off on your holidays?

Court.

Oh...today, is it? Good idea, taking a bag.

Here, if you end up in Dickens Hill, ask around for a Malc Jenkins.

Tell him you know me, he'll look after ya.

Hopefully it won't come to that, eh?

I'll keep an eye on your flat for ya.

We're for the court.

Wonder if their electric's been turned off, as well.

Que sera, sera...

Good luck!

Here ya...

Thank you...

So listen to this. Billy asked me if I fancied learning embalming.

Not whilst I'm eating, bruv...

Nah, I'm just saying, it got me thinkin', you know, like...

Am I just there to pass the time or is this, y'know, an actual career?

No-one wants to be an undertaker.

Why? Job security. People are always going to die.

So... when you moving into Luke's, then?

Well, save you leaving there every morning,

to come back here to get changed for work, dunnit?

-I ain't moving in with him.

-You mean he hasn't asked you.

I mean, I'm me own person. I like me independence, don't I?

Such a bird.

At least one of us gets some action, eh?

Yeah... Right, I'd better get going, cos Billy'll be on one.

Oh, yeah...

What?

Well, it's your turn to pay, innit? For the bacon butty.

Me wallet's in me coat.

Oh, yeah? Present from Mr Wonderful, is it?

It's Luke's! I must have picked up the wrong one!

Well, ain't you going to look through it?

I bet it's full of gold cards and receipts for posh restaurants.

No, I ain't looking through Luke's wallet.

Yeah, all right. Right, I'll catch you later, then.

See ya later.

You've got to tell her. Everyone knows.

Well, not everyone.

Three people said congratulations.

Three people that I don't even know.

Well, I've got followers, innit?

You need to tell your sister before someone else does.

Look, I just got to find the right time.

When you're screaming for gas

and air, as they take you into the delivery room, yeah?

Look, I get it, all right?

You don't want to upset your sister over the whole baby thing...

I mean, how is she going to react

when I casually tell her that we're having a baby?

This needs careful planning. I can't just tell her like that...

Shame you didn't think about that before broadcasting it on your vlog.

You know what? That reminds me - we've got to book the photographer.

What for?

For the Beyonce-inspired maternity pictures, of course.

Please.

So he got jealous. That's a good thing, innit?

How would you feel if Moose was all over you and he did nothin'?

He weren't "all over me". He was only flirting.

Yeah, I get what you're saying.

He shouldn't act like he owns you, but...

Just suppose some girl was flirting with him. You'd have her eyes out.

No, I wouldn't.

I would. Anyone gives Martin the eye, my claws come right out.

I guess it could be worse.

You know what this is, don't ya?

You ain't even divorced yet, Whit,

and you're going from being Lee's wife

to Woody's wife, with no time to yourself.

What would you have said to them, anyway?

I just would have wished them luck.

They've really been going through it.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I have to say something.

He shot you!

Yeah, because he thought I was an intruder.

-It's as much my fault.

-What?!

-I'm not going over this again, Mum.

Well, I'll never get it.

I'm with you, Linda.

Someone shot me, I'd hold a grudge rest of my life.

Shows you Johnny's a better man than me.

Just pray they get off with a light sentence, eh?

At the end of the day, we don't want them

going down for a long time at their age, do we?

-You give me five clues...

-No.

..and then I get three chances to guess...

No clues, no chances...

I'm not moving until you tell me where we're going.

I told you, it's a surprise.

OK, well, then, why didn't we just get in your car?

Because I had to leave it at work.

I'm pretending we're in an all-day meeting.

-That's clever.

-Mm, I'm not just a gorgeous face.

No...no, not till we get there.

HE CHUCKLES

Right, OK. I thought we could spend a romantic day.

Oh, romance.

First of all, we're going ice skating.

SHE LAUGHS

Then we're having lunch in a very secluded dining experience.

-Uh-huh.

-And then we're booked into a romantic boutique hotel,

where we can order room service and...

And... I like the sound of that "and".

Good.

Excuse me.

I'm nearly there now... The laundrette on Bridge Street, yes...

I know I'm running late - I don't need you to tell me that -

but I'm still going to need a coffee,

so they're just going to have to wait.

PHONE RINGS

Yes. Dad. I'm nearly there!

Well, it's all ready for you to pick up.

Great, all right, all right, Miss Morris,

I'll see you later. Yep, bye.

HE SIGHS

Right, that's everything set up.

Did you go for a run?

Nah... I had to change the barrels.

Now, Whit... I've been thinking about everything you said...

and you're right - I shouldn't have lashed out at Moose like that.

I need to sort it out.

He just got under my skin.

But I was thinkin', when your divorce gets sorted...

..what about if we go down to the registry office

and set a date for the wedding?

Still want to get married, don't ya?

You don't think we're rushing it?

I mean, we're still getting to know each other, really.

I know all I need to know...

You're kind, loving, always putting people first before you.

And you're beautiful and sexy. What more do I need to know?

I need to... I just need to see Stacey.

Again?

-All right, Linda?

-Oh, all right?

You look like you're on a mission.

I'm trying to get ahead for Christmas.

I need all the help I can get.

-Do you know, she's been sitting there for ages.

-Really?

Yeah, Kim says she saw a couple of blokes carrying out the TV yesterday.

PHONE RINGS

Oh, who's that.?

Oh, here. Talk of the devil.

I'll catch you later. Hello.

No, nothing in particular. Why?

Yeah, course I can.

Karen?

They took our dog. They took Bronson.

Who did?

He ain't even worth anything.

SHE SOBS

Oh, darlin'.

It's all right.

Yeah, he said all these lovely things to me

and none of it made me feel better.

Hm, that ain't good.

No. He means it, I know he does.

For some reason, he thinks I'm wonderful.

Yeah, well, men can be deluded.

THEY CHUCKLE

No, I do love him.

I just don't know.

Maybe you just need a little bit of time apart.

You can come and stay here if you want, for a couple of nights.

In the mad house.

See that's what I want - a houseful.

Kids.

It's what I wanted with Lee.

What, not Woody?

Do you think I'm being a right ungrateful cow?

I seem to be finding fault in everything that he does.

DOOR KNOCKS

I dunno. Must be the postman.

-WOODY:

-I want to speak to Whit.

Mick. Double vodka.

Right, you, sit down.

-I don't want to be no bother...

-Just sit.

I should never have gone to them for the money but I was so desperate.

D'ya know what that's like?

I've an idea.

We've had it bad before but never like this.

I try and put a smile on it for the kids, y'know...

But today, it's... It's hard, you know?

You need to go to the police.

And say what? I never signed nothing.

I ain't got a leg to stand on.

-You can't let them get away with it.

-You don't know these blokes.

No, we just got to find the money we owe them

and hopefully they'll leave us alone.

-That'll be £5.20, please, darlin.

-It's on the house.

Thanks. I really appreciate this - I do.

You're here. What happened?

Suspended sentence for me and community service for Joyce.

I'm going to be painting railings!

Oh, well, that's fantastic.

It was Ted's psychiatric report that did it.

That and that letter that you wrote. We had no idea.

-The judge read it out.

-Thank you.

This boy of yours, Linda - he's one in a million.

I hope you're proud of him.

How do you think I felt?

Telling you how much I love you and you just get up and walk off!

-She's got a lot on her mind.

-I'm not talking to you, I'm talking to her.

Well, you're in my house. I'll chip in whenever I want, thank you!

Do you even want him here, Whit? Cos I can get rid of him...

Course she wants me! I'm her fiance! What you been saying to her?

Nothing.

Babe, he was mugging me off, hitting on ya...

"Mugging you off".

You're a typical man, you just made everything about you.

He was creeping on her. Am I supposed to be all right with that? What kind of bloke would I be then?

Well, you've upset her.

Well, tell me what I'm supposed to do. Smile?

Ah, better still, I'll turn round and say, "Yeah, mate, crack on, son, fill ya boots!"

Do you want to keep your voice down? My baby is asleep!

Will you stop it?! It's not just about that, anyway.

Well, what is it about? Are you on your period or something?

Cos it's the only way I can make sense of it.

Oh, where you going now? Off again, are we?!

We're going to talk about this, Whit!

-Lunch?

-Just sent Lance and Cole on theirs.

Ah, well, I'll go to the cafe, then.

I had a look through his wallet.

Course you did. And...?

Oh, don't tell me it's full of blokes' numbers.

"Project Dagmar".

What's that?

Dagmar is the name of the bar my mum used to work at.

The one Luke's dad raped her in.

What's my boyfriend doing walking around with it

written on one of his business cards?

Cheers.

I thought last night was the last night I'd ever spend in my bed,

I really did.

I thought I was going to be banged up with a load of glue-sniffers!

She's always had a very vivid imagination.

It's not imagination, it's on the telly every week.

Overcrowding, underfunding.

Drones going everywhere.

Well, tonight we'll be sleeping in our own bed and that is that.

And I'm really happy for ya.

We'd better get that electricity put on.

I'm not having another candlelit night.

Had enough of that in the '70s.

THEY CHUCKLE

DOOR OPENS

I'm not insecure, you're getting married. You're off-limits!

Off-limits?! I'm not your property, Woody!

You're going to be my wife! Well, hold on, what's this all about?!

Are you saying you don't want to marry me? Is that what it's all about?

-Maybe I should go up.

-Just let them get on with it.

C'mon, Whit, this can't just be about Army boy now, can it?!

-Whit, talk to me!

-I don't know, all right?! I can't think straight!

It's all happening too fast!

What, about us?

You told me you wanted me to get you a ring.

You told me you wanted to get married.

-Yeah, I know...

-Right, you near enough proposed to me,

so I went and got you a ring and took you to the Isle of Wight - cos that's what you wanted!

I told you that I was scared to commit,

that I didn't know if I could settle down.

You knew how I felt about letting someone in but you convinced me

it was the right thing to do, and now this...?!

I just don't get it!

I love you, Whit.

I love you, too.

It's just happening so fast!

I got the letter from court, my divorce is starting.

I can't keep up.

You're the one who said you wanted to get married on Valentine's Day.

Look, we can take our foot off the gas,

if that's what you want?

Is that what you want?

Nah - I want you.

You're the first person I've ever met who's even made me

think about settling down.

And now that's all I can think about - making you Mrs Woody.

SHE GIGGLES

See, that's better.

Look, I know I'm not great marriage material, babe.

I've been a lone wolf for a long, long, long time.

I'm trying...because I want to be the best husband for ya.

I know.

Take no notice of me.

I'm sorry.

Stop being silly. All right?

And I promise I won't go around smacking every single

bloke that hits on you.

Just most of them, anyway.

Come here.

You're mine, Whit.

Mine.

-Where's Pearl? She at nursery?

-Yeah.

Aww. How you managing?

I remember how weird it was when Chelsea went off to nursery.

I dunno what it was. Made me broody.

Well, you didn't have anything to occupy yourself with, did you?

You see, I've got all my pastimes.

Oh, yeah, yeah, you've got your blog.

I must get round to looking at that some time.

You wanted to see me.

Oh, well, y'know.

It's been a long time, so I thought, y'know, we could catch up

and share what's going on in each other's lives.

Hmm, yeah. Oh, great.

Oh, while I remember, this must have...

Delivered to us by mistake.

Oh. Kim.

Oh, yeah! Oh!

Oh, yeah, "congrats". What for?

Oh... I-I-I...

Why don't you open it? See who it's from.

It's from you! You know?

And I'm fuming! How long have you known?

A few days.

You have robbed me of getting excited about my new little

niece or nephew! Come here!

Wha... You're happy?!

Of course I'm happy. Come here, Kim.

LAUGHTER

I thought you said you'd been ice skating for years!

-It's a different kind of ice.

-What?!

I'm serious... It's completely different, skating outside.

It's a good job that little old lady was there to help pick you up.

Did you see her jumping and spinning and everything?

She must have won some medals back in the day

because no-one who looks like Judi Dench should be able to do that!

THEY CHUCKLE Are ya happy?

Yeah. Do we have to go for lunch?

Aren't you hungry? It's a great restaurant.

Can't we just go straight to the hotel?

It's been a long time coming.

Yeah.

I can't wait to get you naked.

THEY CHUCKLE

You OK?

Oh. He's in the gents. Come and sit down.

Sometimes, good people are pushed into extraordinary circumstances.

Yeah, and sometimes stupid old men get trigger happy with guns

they've no right to have.

I still cannot believe that we walked free.

-I can.

-I thought I'd never see him again.

I know he comes home with the big "I am",

but prison would have broken him.

I want you to come over for your lunch on Sunday.

A roast with all the trimmings.

That's if we've got electricity by that time.

Come here.

Thank you.

They've taken everything, even their dog.

And they still owe 200 quid in interest.

-No, L, no.

-We've only got another seven grand to go

and then we've reached our target. It's just 200.

We'll never get it back. Soon as the loan sharks come knocking

again, she'll be over here with her begging bowl.

You know what your mother used to say.

Yes, yes - "Give them your ears, but not your money". I know.

But I want to help, Mick. What about the karaoke tomorrow?

I could make an announcement, pass around a bucket.

Right, anyone want serving?

Er, have you sorted things out with Whitney?

Yeah. Yeah...

Just a little bit of wobble, you know what it's like.

Don't worry, we're all good.

Hey. Day I've had...

Hard at it. That's what I like to see.

Did you pick my wallet up this morning?

Yeah, it's over there.

We'll have to get different-coloured ones or something.

Have you eaten yet? If not, can I whisk you away?

Yeah - sounds good. Just give me ten minutes, yeah?

Yeah, I'll wait.

It'll whet my appetite, watching you work - getting greased up...

What's "Project Dagmar"?

One of your cards fell out of your wallet this morning.

It was written on the back.

You couldn't keep your grubby little hands from going

through my wallet, you mean.

Luke, it fell out...

Just tell me this is nothing to do with my mum...

-Drop it.

-I'm just asking...

I'm warning you, drop it.

If it is to do with my mum, I've a right to know!

Answer me!

Don't you ever use that tone with me!

EVER!

HE CHOKES

HE COUGHS

You know, I don't think this is working.

We... We've had our fun.

BEN COUGHS

Should go our separate ways.

BEN GASPS

Luke...

There you are.

Everything OK?

Yeah.

We did talk. We cleared the air.

Good. So, you're back on track?

He... He made this joke.

He said, "I'll try not to thump every guy that flirts with ya".

He makes too many jokes. It's just the way he is.

Yeah, but then he said I was his.

I'm going to be his wife, not his possession.

Men get jealous. You know, heated.

Lee used to, didn't he?

Yeah.

And I swore to myself I would never be with someone like that again.

I just thought Woody was different.

I made him out to be something special, Mr Perfect.

But deep down he's just a bloke from Watford who thinks

with his fists every time a punter tries his luck.

Honestly?

I ain't doing it.

I can't marry someone like that.

Not again.