27/11/2017 EastEnders

Come here.

What's got into you?

Don't know. I like a bit of danger.

HORN HONKS

Someone's the new favourite.

Not seen him in ages, but he's due back this morning.

Looking forward to it.

Mm. Yeah, you and me both.

Everything OK?

Yeah, yeah. Can you just tell him that I won't be in work today?

And I really need to talk to him, so I'll be in the caff.

OK, but it might not be straight away.

Mm.

OK, see you later.

There's no need for all that, all right? I'll talk to her.

Well, I'll be done by 12.

Let's meet again here, and we'll see what there is or isn't need for.

I have every faith in you, Maxwell.

-Everything OK?

-Yeah.

-Oi!

-What?

-Did you nick a quid from my jeans?

-No.

-Yes, you have!

-I haven't even been in your room!

What? Did the tooth fairy take it, then?

Might have, you used to nick my tooth money.

-Just give it back, you little tramp!

-I ain't got it! Get off, Keegan!

-You sh...

-Get off!

-Oi!

Yeah?

-Thought I recognised the voice.

-Yeah, well, do you?

-No.

-Where you going?!

Must have been some other squeaky little git's voice I heard.

-You what?

-Just kidding you.

-That your sister?

-Who's asking?

What are you so angry at?

A quid?

That was a rhetorical question. Frankly, I don't give a monkey's,

it's just that you ruined the best part of my cigar.

Bit of advice -

showing your feelings make you weak.

Showing anger, weaker still.

Hide your anger, and people don't know what you're thinking. Got it?

And that's a bit of advice worth a quid.

-KNOCK AT DOOR

-Come in.

-You all right, Ian?

-Yeah.

-Need to speak to Lauren.

Well, she's not here. She told me she had a day off.

Where is she?

Well, she's gone out. Just calm down, Max.

Sorry. Have you seen her?

Well, she went out about as wound up as you are now.

If you do catch up with her, though, tell her that I'm fine

looking after the little one, OK? And to enjoy her day off.

And if I was you, I'd have a day off as well.

Yeah, yeah. See you later.

Goodbye, Grandad Max.

LAUREN ON VOICEMAIL: Sorry I didn't get to my phone in time.

Leave a message. Make it a good one.

PHONE RINGS

Josh, it's me, again. Can you call me back, please?

I thought we were on the same side. I do...

I don't know what to do.

Look, just call me back.

-How long you been waiting?

-Ages.

Oh, I forgot to tell you, the element's gone.

I'll pick up a new one on the way home.

I wish I hadn't told you.

Might still have been here when I got back!

Look, Phil, why don't you make yourself useful, huh?

Put some batteries in that massage ball.

Maybe we could use it when I get back, mm?

-See you in a bit.

-Yeah.

PHIL SIGHS

-Morning.

-Morning.

Yeah, go on, mate.

Let me go somewhere a bit more private.

Yeah, go on.

PHIL SIGHS

DOORBELL RINGS

Hallelujah.

PHIL CHUCKLES

No!

As I live and breathe.

Not in bother, am I?

Now, that hurts, Philip. Would I come if you were in a bit of bother?

No, I'd pay some other mug to come and deal with you.

Good to see you.

Come in, and sit down, old man, before you fall down.

Less of the "old man".

I thought you were at school.

Er, no, it's inset day.

Oh. Er, what are your plans?

Here.

Go and see a film. Treat yourself.

What, on my own?

Take someone else.

That's not enough.

Well, spend some time on your own, then.

I need you out from under my feet.

Why? What are you doing?

I need to, erm...

..tidy up.

Ooh!

Max? Max?

Max!

You all right? Just right in the middle of something.

I'll give you a call later, yeah?

-You're winding me up.

-I swear, not a drop in the house.

So what are we going to drink? Green tea?

Well, ain't even got a kettle till the missus gets back.

I've, er...

-I've got pop.

-Pop?

MASSAGE BALL VIBRATES Yeah, fizzy pop.

JP CHUCKLES

If you haven't got one of those curly straws, I am not interested.

There we go.

Oh, I don't know. Cherryade!

Brilliant, I haven't seen that since school days.

Cheers.

Cheers.

I was in the neighbourhood.

I thought I'd visit an old pad-mate.

It's only taken you 12 years.

Well, it takes two to stay in touch.

How's the missus?

There's the thing.

She left me for a younger model,

-with half me money.

-Sorry to hear that.

So was he when I sent a couple of mugs around to deal with him.

DOOR CLOSES

Apparently, he was lucky he was wearing tight trousers,

-or it would've been everywhere.

-THEY CHUCKLE

You all right? This is JP. Aidan.

-This is Sharon, my missus.

-Hi.

Ah, very pleased to meet you, Sharon.

Phil's being a bit cagey, but I know women,

and it's best to be honest straight up front.

Phil and I shared a cell together,

for some wonderful months, back in the bad old days.

Right. Well, it's lovely to meet you, too.

Could I interest you in some cherryade?

No, I'm going to test out my new kettle.

What are you looking at?

I just saved you 20 difficult questions.

You can thank me later.

Yes, love?

Hello?!

Oh, sorry.

-We back in the room?

-Yeah, could I just get this, please?

What's so interesting?

Huh?

Oh, nothing much.

Just some prince bloke marrying some actress.

-What?! Harry and Meghan?!

-Oi!

"Nothing much".

You kids.

Ohhh.

-My phone...?

-Yeah, it's on the house.

Hiya. That's 60 pence, please.

-This is my money. Mum gave it to me.

-Nah, it's fine.

Probably Chatham or Riley took it.

60p?

Don't want it. Here.

You all right, Honey? You ain't seen Lauren today, have you?

-Not today, no.

-PHONE RINGS

You all right, Carmel?

Is everything OK? You seemed worried this morning.

No. Yeah, it's fine. It's nothing serious, just a bit of family stuff.

Oh. Is that why Lauren came round earlier?

-Did she?

-Yeah.

Er, did she tell you anything?

What are you doing here?

Very annoying knocking from the steering.

So many potholes around here,

I think the council are working for you.

You come highly recommended, all the same.

I don't want to do myself out of work...

I was just telling this gent, you're supposed to go to the dealersh...

-This recommendation?

-Yes?

Didn't happen to be your son, did it?

Oh, he speaks very highly of you. He's telling everyone.

Oh, so sorry to hear it didn't work out,

but he's throwing you a bone or two still, so maybe there's hope.

Tell him I don't need his charity.

Your tyres are fine.

No charge.

There was I, thinking times were hard for small businesses.

Just tell him!

Kathy, can I get another coffee, please?

You want to be careful.

I'll be pulling you off the ceiling with all this caffeine.

Yeah, no chance of that - not slept.

Well, you know what toddlers are like.

I'll tell you what, I'll put another shot in, on the house.

Lauren?

Oi, Lauren. You all right?

I got some kiddie's t-shirts, and I reckon you'll like them.

Do a little special discount, yeah?

-Oh, yeah. OK, I'll come and have a look. Cheers, Kush.

-All right.

-You all right?

-Where have you been?

Listen, you didn't say anything, did you?

To Carmel about the Square, or Weylands?

So you knew about that?

Listen, you haven't told anyone else about what you saw?

Just Josh, who I thought would keep quiet, but clearly not.

-Lauren, you need to delete that.

-No chance!

-Can I get a sausage sandwich, please?

-Yeah.

That photo's illegal, all right? That's industrial espionage.

We could both lose our jobs.

Did you know, Dad?

Did you know that they are planning to destroy the whole Square?

All right, come on, come with me.

Come on, I want to show you something.

Yeah, scrap that, Kath. Sorry.

Lovely!

Saves me a job.

What?

-Oh, sorry, Mick. I'm...

-You expecting trouble?

-Go on.

-Er, I, er...

..got offered a bar in Malaga.

Well, I can see why you're miserable, you know,

someone making an offer like that. That's terrible, innit?

No, the job's great, obviously, but, erm...

..I'd have to leave straight away.

Ah. Whitney.

Yeah, Whitney.

You all right, Mick?

You're starting early, ain't you?

Er, no, no, no. Got a bit of a weird request.

Can me and my dad go to the roof?

It is a weird request, innit? Why?

Er, nothing, no. Just do a little recce for Santa.

We won't be long. Please?

Go on. And don't come flying off, I have just cleaned the pavement.

What are they doing?

I'm going to go and change the old khazi rolls.

Quilted, it's cost me a bomb.

I don't want them wiping their bottle on that. Cor!

Is it me?

Come sit down with me, babe.

I've got to tell you something.

Some halfwit trips the guard, he goes crashing into Phil,

who thinks he's being mugged, and all hell breaks loose.

ALL LAUGH

The best bit is they have to apologise to Phil

when they look back at the CCTV.

Worst apology I've ever heard!

You make it sound like fun!

No, it's boring, innit? Prison stories.

Ah, you know us blokes, Sharon, we like to put a spin on everything.

But that man of yours, he was like a rock to me in prison.

There are days in there, you know,

and we all had them, when you just...

You just don't see the point in going on.

You remember the night I came to you and woke you up?

I was like a ghost. I was finished.

I had tears in me eyes. I said, "I want to do myself in, Phil.

"I want to smash me head against these walls,

"until there's nothing left of me."

I missed me wife, I missed me privacy, I just...

..thought there was nothing left of me.

And you know what he said? God bless him.

He leaned in to me, and he said...

.."Can I have your radio?"

You had me going then!

Do you want a top up?

Oh, God, no, no, no.

-If I'm going to be up all night, it has to be worth it.

-All right.

You're loving this, ain't you?

Do you remember what you did say?

You said, "It's dark, and things are always worse in the dark".

I'd better be going. It's great seeing you,

but I hate saying goodbye.

But maybe just show me to the door, and I'll see you again soon.

Why are you in Walford, JP?

JP SIGHS

I'll see you soon.

I'll never forgot those words, Philip.

Never.

I don't like it up here.

It's important, Lauren.

Reminds me of Bradley.

So, what are you planning on doing?

Go public?

Go public! You're not WikiLeaks.

Don't laugh at me, Dad.

Sorry, Lauren. It's just complicated.

What? You're buying out all the businesses so that you can

level it out and put flats on it. It's quite straightforward.

No, they're proposing to. There's a big difference.

Why are you helping them?

This is where we live!

You take a look down there.

What do you see, Lauren?

Houses, shops, the market.

Yeah, well, I see the past.

What about all the bad things that have happened here?

Bradley, Steven.

What, so no market?

No place for Grandma Dot? No allotments?

Dad, this isn't right.

Look, it was meant to be a surprise, me bringing you up here.

Yeah?

Penthouse suite, third floor, underground parking,

open plan, state of the art, all the bells and whistles.

Could be ours.

You, me, Louie, Abi if she sorts herself out.

I mean, Weylands have offered me a massive discount, Lauren,

-absolutely massive.

-LAUREN SCOFFS

We're sitting pretty in the future, not stuck in the past in this place.

Look, the world turns, Lauren.

Listen, everyone's going to do well out of this.

I wouldn't be involved if I didn't think that.

All right, yeah, Weylands ARE going to make some money,

and some people are going to have to be rehoused, happens all the time,

but I promise you, all right, it's all going to be much better for it.

You know what I have always wanted?

One of them taps - you've got the hot and the cold together.

It's like a little mini-waterfall, you know?

And then there's another tap - boiling water straight away

for your teas and coffees.

LAUREN CHUCKLES

It's yours.

It's cold up here, innit?

Yeah.

Shall we get back down?

Listen, don't say anything about this until it's definite, yeah?

OK.

Are you lost, old man?

Oh, planning my escape route.

Like a cat, I need to know all the exit points.

And how's the angriest kid in Walford?

Calm.

Here.

A quid?

Thanks. I'll spend it wisely.

Come on, Whit, can we talk about it? I ain't even said yes yet.

Moose again?

No, Woody's got a job in Spain, starting ASAP.

Whitney's got the hump cos she thinks he's going to leave her.

Whit, please.

Right, I'm just going to sit here until you come out, then.

Psst!

Have you got an apartment with this job?

Yeah, yeah. They call them pensions.

I don't care what they call them. Is there room enough for two?

Whit...

..look, you ain't really given me a chance to say or anything,

but, erm...

..I want you to come with me.

DOOR OPENS

Come here.

Yeah?

WHITNEY CHUCKLES

Stick the kettle on.

Where do you want it? There? Like that?

-Yeah?

-There.

-Yeah.

-I can't do it.

Uh-oh, busted.

He loves his bricks.

Yeah, and, to be honest, so do I.

Go on, you go out, enjoy your day off, I'm quite happy here with him.

Oh, did you catch up with your dad?

Yeah, everything all right?

Yeah, yeah, turned out to be nothing.

Oh, really?

Could've fooled me, the way he was with this little one here.

But, then again, that's your dad, isn't it?

Once he puts his mind to something, he just commits, and he just gets...

Doesn't see anyone else, he just gets tunnel vision.

Ian, can you imagine living anywhere else but Walford?

Thinking of moving away?

No, just wondering, do you even still like it round here?

IAN CHUCKLES

Well, it's seen better days.

I mean, me and Jane were thinking of moving away, but...

Look, I know it's a dump, but it's home,

and we cling to that, don't we?

Right. Well, I'll go get him some grapes, then, yeah?

Yeah, Mummy get you some grapes? Yeah?

-What's that?

-What's that? I don't know what he's called.

-Fish man?

-Yeah.

-Fish man.

Put it up here.

Put it up here, OK. So is that his hat?

-Yes.

-Yeah, is it?

Here, Lauren, come here, look. Check these out, hot off the press.

-Eh?

-Very East End.

-What do you reckon?

-Oh, that is cute.

Innit, eh? £6 each, or two for a tenner, all right?

And that is mate's rates, cos they're a tenner each on the stall.

-Yeah?

-Don't put yourself out.

No, I'm still making a little bit of a profit.

Nobody's that generous, are they?

-Mm?

-Yeah, go on, then.

Yes, all right. Well, you just bring him over

if they don't fit, all right? Cos I have got plenty of sizes.

Here we are.

-Thank you.

-Thank YOU.

Hi, can I get some grapes as well, please?

-Hey.

-Hiya.

-Guess what?

-What?

I'm moving to Malaga with Woody!

It's not permanent, I couldn't go for good.

-I'm really happy for you.

-Thanks.

I've gotta go and get some other bits,

but I will pop over later, all right?

-Yeah.

-OK.

Timekeeping skills - ten out of ten.

How are you at convincing your daughter?

-Yeah, she's convinced.

-Very good.

I have trouble persuading my children to do anything.

What's your secret?

Well, she takes after me. I just appeal to her nature.

One difficulty with this conversation.

What's that?

She's charging towards us with a face like thunder.

Done it again, ain't you?

Trying to talk your way out of it? Well, I'm not buying it this time.

WE might do well, but I've got friends that live round here.

Louie's got family! What, you going to look after them,

-are you?

-Lauren, please...

-You going to look after Ian?

This is where I live! This is my home!

I'd have thought Lauren would have been your first point of call, Max.

Telling her the good news.

James. Lovely to meet you.

I hope it's not too old-fashioned to mention

what a beautiful young woman you are.

Who's this?

The Albert Square project has been shut down.

The investors were slightly more shrewd

than they've been given credit for.

It seems they've done their homework.

Hundreds of years of tunnel building, sewer systems,

underground trains, and so on.

The risk was too high, the potential profit too small.

Weylands move on to plan B. Do you know the Barking Dockside?

No residents to displace.

Oh, lots more red tape to circumnavigate,

but we will endeavour. It's the Weylands way.

So, you're not going to change this place?

Oh, we might help it along with a face-lift on a few properties,

but the full transformation is beyond us.

Yeah, that's how business goes sometimes.

But, please, Lauren, dear, know that your job is there if you want it.

Although I beg you to keep those initial plans between us.

Communities like these have a horrid way of over-reacting

over nothing at all.

Maybe you should delete that photo, Lauren.

Oh, yes, please, we've trashed that thing already.

Could do without it appearing again!

Sorry for over-reacting.

All worked out. At least we kept our jobs.

Right, better go get Louie. Been with Ian all day.

See you.

We live in a post-truth society, Maxwell.

Say it convincingly enough, and they will buy into it.

Nice girl. Let's make sure she stays on message.

Because naughty girls go over my knee.