28/11/2017 EastEnders

-We need to find another solution.

-Like what?

Right. You write all the options down, yeah?

Fold them up, put them in a bowl, and choose the winner randomly.

You can't leave a decision like that down to luck.

We're going round the houses. We can't agree on this. This is the fairest way.

All right. So, Mother, she wants Whitney's room.

As much as I LOVE sharing with my sister!

And L, forever the diplomat,

suggested that Tina should have the larger room.

Well, she's younger than me.

-She's got more clothes.

-Kids' clothes!

Johnny, he's going to be over the moon, you know,

Ollie getting his own room again.

Oh, and it just so happens that if you put a baby bed in there,

you can squeeze in that gym stuff you've been banging on about.

-Which don't exist and will never be used!

-Just a coincidence, darling.

-Huh!

Yeah, well, I'm not going to dust it.

Ah, thanks for the vote of confidence.

-I'll pick.

-Well, shut your eyes.

I'm not a cheat!

-Well, go on. It's not in braille, is it?

-Shush!

You can go with your mates, if that's what you want!

No, I never meant it like that.

Well, what did you mean, then, Woody?

What did you mean? Cos you said, "I don't want to stay in all the time!"

-No, I didn't.

-Like I'm a massive weight around your neck!

-I'm just saying I don't want to spend

-every minute of the day with each other.

-OK, fine, I get it now!

So go on your own cos you don't want me cramping your style, do you?

-Oh, hark at her, Miss Independent. I thought you can make your own mates.

-What? I can make my own mates! Here!

-Thank you!

-Yeah? DOOR SLAMS

Go!

That'll be that, then.

-Yeah...

-No!

Now, now, I'll admit I've had my issues with Whitney.

SHIRLEY SNORTS

And the thought of her abroad made me happy.

But it's not just about me.

You know, she deserves to have some fun.

And whether it works out with Woody or not, you know,

she needs adventure in her life. She don't want to be stuck here with us.

-Mick?

-Yes.

It's up to us.

Now, I'm going to do the big shop. Is there anything you want?

Well, text me if you think of anything.

Phil!

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I will.

What you got on today?

Nothing.

Well, it worries me when you've got time on your hands. That shelf came.

-What shelf?

-Lou's running out of space.

Well, put it together if you get a minute, yeah?

Right.

-What's that for?

-Lunch.

I thought I was coming back here for lunch.

No, sweetheart. Get some chicken and chips with your friends.

Ugh, Max is coming round again, ain't he?

-Get a move on, or you'll be late.

-Isn't he?

When you work, it is hard to find time alone.

You'll discover that, sooner or later.

I've lost my appetite.

Come on, you cheeky little so-and-so.

There you go.

You know, I'm sure there's an E on the end.

-No, there ain't.

-Really?

-Yeah, I'm positive.

I did learn some of the language from my time there.

Right. Well, I've got some fajitas on the go here.

-But they're off to Spain.

-Says she, dressed as a Mexican.

It's the same sort of culture. It won't matter.

Who'd have thought being on the run was so educational?

Hold up, Cupid's arrow's gone bent.

What?

-She ain't going.

-We've opened the box now. We can't get a refund.

-Well, not all's lost.

-Yeah?

-Mick and Linda are giving them counselling.

-That's that, then.

Anyone fancy some spicy chicken?

Urgh!

-Looks like you got your wish.

-Which is what?

That your bit of rough doesn't show up.

-What were you going to do if she did?

-Nothing.

Well, not me, anyway.

Just how desperate are you?

Desperate enough not to let your tart ruin a whole year of planning.

Uh-oh. Question is, what are you going to do?

You have what we want. Sophie's filled you in.

Are you going to help us get it?

Now, this is called narrative therapy.

It helps to externalise the problems.

So, what that is in English is that basically

we speak what's on our nut but we don't use our real names.

-That's not it.

-That IS what it is.

Cos that what I done, remember? I called myself Rick.

Like from Casablanca.

Nah.

So I spoke about my faults,

but I used him as the person that was having them.

-Now, I'm confused.

-Were we even in the same room?

-Yes.

Right, so, sometimes,

what Belinda does is she says things that Rick doesn't quite understand.

And Rick thinks that Belinda thinks that he's a little bit thick.

Fair enough.

Rick is spot on and Belinda needs to give him some credit.

I... What's going on?

OK, so, you can talk about, um, him,

we're going to call you...Britney.

-And um, we'll call you...

-John.

-No.

-Not John.

-It don't have to rhyme.

We're going to call you Buddy.

So, Britney, Buddy, what's going on?

OK.

Um, Britney is worried that she'll end up stranded

somewhere in the middle of Malaga all on her own,

while Buddy is out all hours, getting up to God knows what.

-Right, so this is what Whitney thinks...?

-Britney.

Britney, all right.

So, Buddy was honest with her and said it might be a good idea if he

goes out with his mates a couple of times a week,

just so they don't get sick of the sight of each other.

-Nah, nah.

-What should I have said, then?

What Buddy should have said was that Britney can go out

whenever she wants.

You know, because Buddy doesn't want her to get sick of the sight of him.

That way, what Buddy's doing is he's being thoughtful

and he's not being thoughtless.

That's what you do to me, isn't it? You sneaky...!

Not now, my little darling. I'm counselling.

So, my mate Ricky thinks that Buddy

and Britney are a little bit nervous about massive commitment.

No.

Britney is nervous that he'll end up getting with someone else.

Same thing, Whit. Brit.

Well, Britney's got a worse track record, hasn't she?

She had Moose hanging round her like a stink, got married to Lee,

you know, kissed other...people.

So, we're talking about trust.

Mm. Britney, if you could give Buddy some advice, what would it be?

Keep it in your pants or I'll chop it off.

No, no, no. I mean in getting Britney to trust him.

Well,

Britney's been hurt in the past,

she's been let down a lot.

And I suppose she's scared.

Cos it's all moving pretty quick.

She needs a grown-up, not a child,

worrying about the next time he's going to see the boys.

And, er, Woody? Buddy?

Buddy loves her.

And he knows he's got a bit of a reputation for being

a bit of a playboy.

But he knows he ain't getting any younger.

And you know, he's got to mature a little bit.

But his dream is to have a bar of his own one day

and he wants to share that with her.

Come here.

Oh, no, no, no.

We need to discuss how you've been tricking me

into getting your own way.

-I thought you'd been avoiding me.

-No, no, not at all.

Um, I took what you said seriously

and I've been looking into it for you.

I had to ask around a few people and...

Well, it's too late ,now anyway.

I spoke to the big boss.

He said it's all fallen through and now we're working on Barking Docks.

Is that true?

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. I just heard, myself.

Well, lucky for you lot. Cos I never would have let you have the Square.

No, I know you wouldn't.

Who can blame you?

So are you going to stop avoiding my calls, then?

What are you doing?

Well, I'll shoot myself if I stay indoors any longer.

I thought I'd come and help out.

Help out? I've got nothing to do myself. I'm salvaging here.

Does it need a sort out?

Er, no. I had them two do it and sent them home.

Why ain't there any work?

Cos Luke got his mates and family to book in and I told them

to go whistle.

You can't turn work down, even if it is that little git.

Dad! It's my place, isn't it?

Yeah.

Yeah, it is.

You all right?

Yeah.

You?

Yeah.

TEXT ALERT

Oh, Linda's just text.

It's back on.

So come on, let's crack on, give her the best send off we can, eh?

KNOCK AT DOOR

-COUGHING

-One minute!

Max?

Just me!

DOOR CLOSES

WOLF WHISTLES

Hello.

Here for the kitchen sink?!

Oh, my God! Are they presents from you and Lee's wedding?

Yeah.

Never got round to using half of them.

-Didn't want to throw them out. Can't take them with me.

-OK...

-How's the money-raising thing going?

-Yeah. Yeah, good.

We're not far off and we've got plenty of time.

You've been good to me, Linda.

At times, you didn't have to be.

I want to pay you back.

-I'm not taking your wedding presents.

-Oh, no.

No, it's better than that.

Might as well dig in. Looks like he's been held up.

-You sure?

-Yeah.

Oh, right.

Well, where were we?

-Egypt.

-Oh, yeah.

Well, it's disappointing, really. It's just a tourist trap.

But then, most places are, aren't they?

Yeah, we found a little tour guide and asked him to take us

somewhere really quiet.

And he took us to these old ruins with a natural underground spring.

It was a temple for an evil god called Seth.

Yup.

He was... The carvings were really creepy.

Kamil was terrified. He got eaten by crocodiles.

Sounds lovely.

Where is Kamil?

-He's with his mum.

-Oh.

So, um, why are you here?

Not that it's not lovely to see my favourite landlord.

Um...

I wanted to tell you personally.

Your tenancy agreement runs out next month.

I won't be renewing it.

Sorry.

Step here. Step here.

Yeah, that's it.

Careful.

And open.

Ta-da!

CHEERS AND APPLAUSE Best we could do at short notice.

Thank you.

I hope everyone's bought a ticket.

I'm not spending 20 quid on a raffle ticket!

Oh, no. You don't understand, Ian. Look at the prizes.

It's a lucky dip.

You can get pots and pans, there's a toaster in there,

there's a lovely little vase, an' all.

Honestly, everyone gets a go.

You're a very, very tight man, Mr Beale. Honestly.

No-one's ever said that about me before.

-There you go.

-See? Oi, oi, oi. No piping!

Not going to miss her, are you?

Yeah, right.

SHE CHUCKLES

-Oh!

-What?

The instructions were foreign.

Give us a hand with these bags.

Can't we get her some ready-made shelves?

Not exactly skint, are we?

Yeah, well, we're not made of money, either.

Put that lot away.

When did this happen, Sharon, eh?

Just now.

-I've been shopping.

-No, I mean me.

Staying in, doing all the chores, like some sort of house husband.

I mean it, when did I become boring?

Phil, you've had a liver transplant, you've got a dodgy ticker.

Boring is good. Boring lets you keep healing.

Boring keeps you out of trouble.

Ain't denying it, then, are you?

Oh!

MOBILE RINGS

You all right, Carmel? I was just on my way over. I just got held up.

You all right? You sound like you've been crying.

I will. I'll come straight over.

Give us another large coffee, Marie, please.

Oh, yes! I love waffles!

-You know what's nice with that, Don? A bit of maple syrup.

-Yes!

-Next number, please, baby.

-21!

-Oh, that's me!

-Yay!

-Come on, then, Arkwright. Take your pick.

-Get the biggest one, Ian.

-Size doesn't matter, Robbie.

-I'm sure you've heard that.

-Come on, lively. I've got a dozen of these to get through.

Ooh! It's a game for lovers!

Is there a one-player option?

Right, 17!

Oh, that's me!

Go on, Lil!

Oh, here she is, look.

Here you are. Oh, be careful.

-It's a bit heavy.

-Come on, then.

Look after Stacey for me.

-What else?

-I'm serious. Just, um... Just keep me updated.

-Yeah, course.

-No, we will. Well, I will, anyway.

Oi!

Oh, it's a toaster! Oh, it's a proper nice one, as well!

-What did you get? A toaster?

-You can have my old one.

-Lucky you!

Lovely!

Hey, what's this?

Haven't seen you in 12 years and now, twice in two days.

What you doing with Vincent? He's a grass.

Any cherryade left?

-Listen, there's 400 shots here. You sure you don't want it?

-No.

Listen, you keep this place, right? We're going to need somewhere to come back and visit.

-Yeah. Got to keep the Queen Vic. We need somewhere to crash, don't we?

-Oi, that works both ways.

-Listen, I've had a thought.

-Oh, easy. Don't want to strain that tiny little mind.

-You and Linda...

-Yeah?

I think that you could both do with a fresh start and all.

You just said we should keep this place.

Oh, not like moving or a new job or nothing.

OK. So, Rick and Belinda,

they've had their troubles, ain't they?

Slight understatement, but yeah, yeah.

-So, Belinda needs to feel secure.

-Like a princess.

-Exactly.

-And Rick keeps telling her that he's the one to do that.

-Yes, he is!

Yeah, so maybe they need a magic spell.

-No, you've lost me now, treacle. I'm not sure what...

-Wedding vows.

They're like a magic spell. They're... What's the word for it?

Incantation.

That's the one. I promise this, I promise you that.

I think that's what she needs to hear.

Yeah, we could renew our wedding vows, get a vicar...

-Well, that's where I was going.

-Congregation, yeah...

Do you know what? Do you know what? That's lovely.

What a lovely parting gift that is.

-Honestly, I really do...

-I'm sorry...

Don't be silly, eh? Come on. It's not going to be forever, is it?

-I know.

-Hey, silly.

Oh!

I'm back.

That's the best I could do without hitting town.

Cor, look at that! Look!

Thank you.

-That's gorgeous.

-Yeah, it's nice.

-Proper.

-Woody?

-Oh, I've not left you out, either.

-Ooh!

-Got me on the beach!

-Strong, yeah! What have I got?

Games night?

-Oh! I'll keep the old tash on!

-Thanks, Linda.

-Thank you, Linda.

Hey, babe, I'd better go and sort out the money,

before they have us over a barrel at the airport.

-Do you want me to come with you?

-No, no.

You got to figure out how to get all those clothes in those suitcases, right?

Meet me at the station at, what, half three?

-Yeah? All right?

-Half-three. All right.

Babe...

I love you.

I love you, too.

Sorry I missed lunch. It's been a mental day.

Couldn't get here for one o'clock.

You look nice.

Thanks.

How do you feel about me, Max?

I'm not angry, I just... I just want to know.

I'm just not good at this sort of thing.

I love you, don't I?

You know, you're good for me.

And, well, I hope I'm good for you.

I'm glad you said that.

You know what I hate?

I hate the thought of you living in a crummy little bedsit, all alone.

It's not that bad.

-It's not a palace, but...

-Oh, come on, Max.

If it's not that bad, how come I've never been invited over?

All right, it's a dump.

It's not right, you living there.

I want us to get a place together.

-Text us when you get there.

-I will.

-I'll walk you round.

Don't be a stranger, will you?

Decision time.

Can't you at least wait until she's out the door?!

Ooh! Go on!

-Shirley.

-Yes!

-You get off.

-Oh, no, it's all right. Martin's got the kids.

It's not that. I don't really want to say goodbye.

Let's just pretend it's a normal holiday.

Why?

Cos if it ain't, I'll start crying.

You do want to go, don't you?

It's just a holiday.

Yeah. All right. Well, bring me back some duty free, then, yeah?

Yeah, I'll see you next week.

Yeah, you will. You'll be all lovely and tanned and...

Don't drink too much, will you?

I'm not promising nothing.

All right, well, um...

I'd better go and get the nuggets on.

Yeah, you don't want them to starve. Don't forget the chips.

No, I won't.

Come here.

Have a nice holiday, Whit.

I will.

It's like the body ain't even cold yet.

She's got a ruthless streak longer than the Thames.

Anyway, so, what we up to?

Ooh, don't know.

What are the rules for this game, then?

Rules?

We don't need no rules, do we?

-Eh?

-Maybe just a timer.

Oh, what do you mean "timer"?

Eh? What are you trying to say, young lady?

CHILD CRIES

All right, boy. Daddy's going to come and get you.

No, not those holes. Those holes.

How do you know that?

Well, they've got to match.

-Remind me never to bring my car to you.

-I'm a mechanic, not a joiner.

So why are you concerned about me getting involved with Mr Hubbard?

Not concerned. Confused.

-Well, his location is important.

-And he's a grass.

I'd trust you with my life, Phil. I know I can tell you anything.

But these cards I'm going to have to play very close to my chest.

So, what's next?

Well, one, two,

three,

four.

There are some goods being moved.

I want them to pass through Walford and I want to take them.

And how secure?

Fairly secure.

That's not the point.

It's the goods.

Ill-gotten gains.

Villains, nicking off of villains. Is nothing sacred?

Why Vincent?

It's a young man's job, Phil.

Can't I help?

I'll be in touch.

Oh, she's just so brutal, isn't she, your nan?

She really is, but we love her very, very much. Give her a cuddle.

-Come here.

-Yeah!

-Mwah!

-Bye!

-Bye, Daddy!

Bye-bye.

Oh, bye.

Woody? It's me.

Um, I'm getting quite worried now.

Can you give me a ring and let me know you're all right?