04/01/2018 EastEnders

-I can't breathe!

-You're going to kill him!

-Where is it?

-Get off him, will you?

-Get out of my face!

-I never touched that stuff, I swear!

Your cousin thinks I'm just off the boat!

It was in that coffin, I sealed it myself!

Billy wouldn't rip you off.

He couldn't find his own backside in the dark, let alone pull this off.

-Well, maybe he had help.

-Well, you better be joking.

If someone has ripped me off, Philip,

I will have the last laugh! Trust me on that!

You get the truth out of him!

You better start talking!

All right, come on. You cop for her nut, I'll get her trotters.

All right? On three. Ready? One, two...

-Oh, leave off.

-Come on, clean now.

And I might not kill you!

Which one of you took it?

Don't lie to me!

Or I'll rip your lungs out!

JP.

-JP?!

-Joseph Patrick, named after my father.

See? He hasn't been straight with us since day one.

-Someone knows where my money is.

-Yeah, he does.

If that mangy git thinks he can do a legger...

Get the car.

-What are you going to do?

-I'm going to find him.

-Then what?

Then I'm going to make him wish he'd never been born.

-The plaques must have got mixed up.

-Yeah, must've(!)

And our money's six foot under.

Well, at least it never got cremated, eh?

-Now, there's a thought, Michael.

-You know what? I'm out.

No-one leaves until this is sorted, right?

Billy, I'm sure you have a few shovels lying round the place.

What?

No, no.

-No way.

-You being serious?

We can't do this! Phil... We can't do that! We can't dig it up!

Why not?

Because there's rules and laws and procedure about digging up coffins.

Ain't as if there's a body in there, is it?

YOU have got to sort this!

You buried my money, now you un-bury it!

Hey, man. That daughter of yours, she is a natural, you know.

What a voice!

You want to get her signed up to a label.

-Pearl is a singer, and I'll be her manager.

-She is out like a light.

All that singing has worn her out.

So, no sign of his nibs, then?

Congratulations, Dee. Nothing gets past you.

-You two all right?

-And why wouldn't we be?

-I don't know.

Apart from the fact that he just disappeared without a word.

Well, he's a businessman, Denise. He's got a bar to run.

Something's up, Kim. I can see it in your face.

-You can't kid me, you know.

-Hey, hey, hey. No beef. OK?

You are happy, you got nothing to complain about, eh.

And this time next year, Pearl will be a big sister.

Oh, yeah. I'll have to have a little chat with her about sibling rivalry.

Trust me.

-Look, just leave it, yeah?

-Hey, Kim, man. She's only pulling your leg.

Where's your sense of humour?

I don't know! Maybe I should go and find it!

-Where are you going?

-Out!

-Oh, come on. Don't be so stupid.

-DOOR SLAMS

Don't worry, she's not going to get too far, is she?

Dot insisted.

She's in bits.

Will you get Uncle Max to call her? She's desperate to talk to him.

It's not a good idea.

Well, maybe she can get through to him. I mean, he's in denial.

-He can't accept...

-I know what denial is, Son.

Why is he doing this?

Ain't it painful enough?

I've got tea on the go.

I can set another place. You can bring the kids.

Nah.

Uncle Jack, you need a breather.

What I need is to get through to my brother.

Well, if he ain't going to listen to any of his family,

then who else is there?

Oh, can't keep away, can you?

Yeah, I just wanted a quick word.

Yeah?

Yeah, I'm... I'm going away for a bit.

Oh, bit of what?

Holiday. Flying off tonight.

Sharon never said.

She don't know. It's a surprise.

I just wanted to make sure it was all right with you first cos,

well, I know things ain't too good with you at the moment.

Maybe I should come with you.

-I suppose you could do, yeah.

-Don't worry, I ain't serious.

No, maybe you should get away for a bit.

And leave this place? I don't know.

You wouldn't have to worry about me shutting up shop or anything.

The lads will take care of it.

Well, don't need my permission, do you?

You're your own man, ain't you?

Me and Jay are going to go and see Abi tonight. Say goodbye, you know?

How do you do that to somebody who ain't really there any more?

Donna reckons Abi might be able to hear us still.

I doubt it.

Well, why don't you get off and I'll... I'll shut up here.

What?

Have a nice holiday, yeah?

Yeah.

So, this second opinion...

Third.

-We get to choose a doctor, yeah?

-It doesn't work like that.

He's got to be objective.

You can't just cherry pick a doctor who's going to agree with you.

-That would be illegal.

-Sorry. Remind me how much I'm paying you?

My invoice is in the post.

No more yelling at the doctors. Won't help. Just play nice.

Doc!

Mr Branning, I really can't talk now.

I just want to say I'm sorry.

I'm sorry for being so um...

Aggressive?

-Yeah.

-Look...

I do understand, Mr Branning.

We all want what's best for Abigail.

But the medical facts speak for themselves.

And any doctor will tell you the same thing.

Please, Ian. You might be the only person to get through to him.

He won't listen to me.

He might. You know what it's like to lose a daughter.

It's worth a try, love.

You were going to take Louie to see Lauren anyway.

Why should I, after what he did?

Look, it's breaking Lauren's heart. I know you care for her.

If you don't want to do this for Max, then do it for her.

-Jack, we'll think about it, all right?

-Thanks.

Don't try and persuade me.

I won't, love.

I know I don't have to.

I'll go and get Louie.

You can't beat a board game this time of year.

-We'd have the whole gang round the table, right, Joyce?

-Oh, yeah.

Monopoly, Scrabble, you name it, we played it.

-Yes, the hours just flew by.

-Not to mention the ultimate, eh?

-The game of kings?

-Now you're talking, Ted!

-See?

A woman after my own heart!

Helps with this. Use it or lose it.

Precisely. Who doesn't like a game of strip poker?

-Don't tell me. The dog ate your purse?

-I'm good for it.

-I don't know you.

-Don't know you!

-It's all right, Halfway.

Kim's a mate. Why don't you go and collect some glasses?

-Sorry, Kim. What are you having?

-A vodka and tonic, please. Double.

Not illegal, is it?

Is Vincent not with you? Um, I've lost Mick.

When I say I've lost him, he's nipped out,

-but they've been as thick as thieves lately, haven't they?

-Have they?

-So I thought you might have seen him.

-No.

Vodka and tonic. On the house.

-MOBILE RINGS

-Without the vodka.

Mick?

Thought you might be in here.

You forgot this.

Kim...

Where are you?

It's all under control. I'm with Aidan.

No! Mick, get back here now!

It's my old woman, she worries.

What are we going to do?

Dig up the grave and get out there. Right?

TAPPING

Will you stop doing that?

I ain't digging nothing.

What are you doing, playing with my eyecaps?

You stick these in the eyeball sockets.

Stops the skin from sinking in.

-Must have fallen out.

-Guys.

-We've got good news.

-Yeah.

Yeah, I've had a word with a couple of fellas I know at the cemetery.

Cut to the chase, Billy, will you?

Well, they're finishing up a funeral at the minute,

and then I said we'd go and meet them, once it gets dark.

Kim?

What do you think about this colour?

Mm?

It used to be my colour.

It IS my colour.

Kim, come on. Talk to me.

They must have changed it. Why do they do that?

-Just when you find the right colour, they change it!

-Kim, Kim...

Is it the baby?

No.

There is no baby.

No, no, don't, please.

OK?

When?

Over a month ago.

Over a month ago?! But you...

That's when I lost my baby.

Not even a baby.

Not really.

But you...

I thought I could get pregnant straight away

and then I wouldn't have to tell anyone.

But, Kim, come on.

You have lost a baby.

-And all this time, you have been...

-Lying.

Hey.

Grieving.

I just thought...

I just thought this time, we'd done it.

I thought I was pregnant again.

Then this morning, just turns out I was just late.

Look, hey, does Vincent know? Is that why he walked out?

No.

You know, he wants this baby so much.

-How am I going to tell him?

-You just...

Oh, I'm so glad you two are here.

I was worried I was going to get stuck with Darby and Joan out there.

Am I interrupting?

Oh, no, it's fine. It's fine, Carmel.

We're just having a little bit of a...private chat.

-Oh.

-In private.

I'm bursting. I'll only be a couple of seconds.

Your secret's safe with me.

Had the odd sneaky glass with all three of mine.

I'm not pregnant.

MACHINE BEEPS

KNOCKS ON DOOR

Go round the back.

Can I help you?

Do you work here?

My husband.

He's the manager.

-He's the Mitchell.

-I need to speak to him.

-It's an emergency.

-You've lost someone, I take it.

Yes.

Well, this can be a very emotional time.

But you can trust that Coker

and Mitchell will take care of all your needs.

-If you could come back tomorrow...

-No. No, it's got to be now.

I want the works, you see? Big Irish funeral, white horses, bagpipes.

-No expense spared.

-Right, um...

I tell you what, why don't you come with me?

I'm meeting him later in the pub. The Queen Vic?

Come on. You come with me. And please, do not worry about anything.

No, you're right. This really ain't your colour.

-Here, let me have a go.

-Um, I thought this was about me.

What is everybody going to think?

Oh, who cares what anyone's going to think?

Obviously, me.

You've got plenty of time. You've no need to worry.

Let nature take its course.

And what if it doesn't?

What if that's it? No more children!

Kim, you have got a beautiful little girl.

A healthy, beautiful daughter. That's more than most people

-can hope for.

-Why didn't you tell me?

I don't know.

I just couldn't.

I can understand that. You do have a tendency to judge.

Me?!

Pot, kettle!

If you ever need a shoulder, I'm here.

Sister from another mister.

-I just didn't want her growing up on her own.

-She's hardly on her own.

You really should tell Vincent, you know?

-Yeah.

-Yeah. You know what? I could give him a ring, if you want.

No, no, It's all right.

OK. Well, we'll just leave you to it then.

Voicemail.

'Please leave your message after the tone.'

Um, hiya, babe. It's me.

This place is spooky. It's like something from a horror movie.

Once we've dug this up, you've got to stay and help me bury her. Right?

That is the deal, yeah?

Shut up, Billy, will you?

-What could possibly go wrong?

-There it is, over there.

See?

-He should have taken his antibiotics an hour ago.

-It'll be fine.

Oh, I thought you two had fallen down the lavatory.

I was going to put out a search party.

No, we just got chatting. You know what us girls can be like.

-You're not stopping?

-No, places to be, Joyce.

Be hormonal. She's all over the shop, that Kim.

Mm.

I know what I should have got you for Christmas, binoculars.

-Will you stop staring?

-I'm observing, Joyce.

-Oh!

-I'm taking an interest in my surroundings.

And there's that other one, isn't there? Um, now what's his name?

Oh, lovely man.

-Um, singer.

-Narrows it down(!)

-Daniel.

-O'Donnell.

-Yes!

That's him!

-No, I don't know him.

-Oh.

Oh, and I have a second cousin in Limerick.

Billy won't be long.

-Right, Honey?

-Hi, Linda.

-Mick not about?

-Mick's out.

-Yeah, he's out of it.

He's got the trots.

-Oh, dear.

-Mm. Stinks.

Your fellas haven't planned a sneaky boys' night out, have they?

You're Irish.

It's a beautiful part of the world.

Yeah.

So everyone keeps telling me.

-And what brings you to our neck of the woods?

-Family matter.

I'll have a highball and ginger.

-Ice?

-Cold enough.

Or so my ex used to tell me.

Well, welcome to Walford.

Yeah, I mean, it's a really lovely place

and everyone's really friendly.

Why don't you ring him? Billy.

I mean, if it was my fella, I'd want to know where he was.

Besides, I'd hate to have to take my business elsewhere.

So, you're certain this is the right one this time, Billy?

-I watched them bury it myself.

-Let's just get on with it, yeah?

If you need me, I'll be in my office.

Old Man River gets to take it easy while we do the dirty work, yeah?

-I'm warning you!

-Where's Mick?

-He's over there, keeping lookout.

She's put on three grams.

When Abi sees her, she's going to be so proud.

She's going to be an amazing mum.

-Max..

-Ian, whatever you've got to say, I'm not really interested.

In fact, I don't really want you here full stop.

Well, that does make two of us.

I was sent to try and make you see sense.

Let me guess, Tania?

No, Jack.

He wants me to make you give up, to cancel the court order.

They don't get it, do they?

I can't ask you to stop fighting.

How can I?

If I was stood there in your shoes and it was my little girl,

and I thought there was just a glimmer of hope,

I would just grab it with both hands, no question.

I know what you got coming, Max, and I would not wish that on anyone.

But don't push your family away, OK?

They're going to be the ones that get you through this.

At some point, you're going to have to let her go.

If you don't,

you'll die too.

The sooner we get this done, the sooner we get out of here.

-I've got a bad feeling.

-Let's just get on with it, yeah?

You ain't scared, are you?

No.

You are, aren't you? You're scared!

FAR OFF CRY

-Oi, oi, keep the noise down, will you?

-Sorry.

-Now who's scared, eh?

-Eh?

-I ain't scared. That was a shock.

Listen, if you don't get a move on, you'll be joining this lot. Now, hurry up! Come on!

-Where do you think you're going?

-Need a bigger shovel.

-MOBILE RINGS

-Sorry.

I thought you said no phones!

I did!

-Hello, babe.

-Billy! Where are you?

I'm... I'm on my way.

Well, can you make it quick? I've got a client here to see you.

Yeah, she wants the works, Billy. You know, traditional funeral.

Horses, bagpipes, no expense spared.

-And I've told her that you'd come and speak to her.

-What, now?!

-'Yeah.'

-CHURCH BELL

'What's that noise? Is that bells? Are you at church?'

I can hear church bells.

Maybe he's found God.

Billy?

Babe, babe. You're breaking up.

No. No, it's gone dead.

Well, I suppose he can't be far.

Maybe another time, yeah?

Well, look, at least let me give you a card.

We don't know that she's anything to do with Aidan.

Bit of a coincidence, don't you think?

-Look, Linda, we've got...

-Look who I found.

-Mick?

-Mum!

-Oh!

-Happy New Year!

Sausage!

Oh, you're back!

Look at you! You've lost weight.

-No.

-Are you sure?

Great news about this place. Tina told me.

-A couple more weeks, better than nothing, right?

-Yeah.

Why don't you take your bag upstairs?

-Why don't you give the boy five minutes?

-I've just walked through the door, Mum.

-Now, Johnny, please.

-I don't need your stuff cluttering up...

-Linda?

-I can't barely move for tripping over.

-Mum, what's the matter?

-LEAVES RUSTLING

-Hello?

Come on.

-Someone's here.

-Who?

I don't know. I heard someone.

Or something.

-Something?

-Yeah.

Over there.

Could be one of them, you know...

Undead!

I'll give you undead if you don't shut up!

I had a mate who got attacked by one of them. Grabbed him by the throat.

Told him he was going to go to hell.

Hark at him, look! Stephen King, over there! Look, cheers!

Listen, there's a load of money in there and we ain't going till we get it. Come on. Crack on.

I'm going to extend the business with my cut.

How far down did you bury it, Bill?

In some circles, I'm known as the king of the coffins.

-Billy...

-Course, I don't like to brag.

-Billy!

-What?

-THUD

-Wipe it off. Wipe it off!

Ha-ha! You beauty!

We struck gold.

-I thought you was supposed to be the clever one.

-I am.

Well, I knew that you had a degree in law,

but I didn't realise it was sod's law.

-If Mick's in trouble, Shirl...

-Mum, we've got to call the police.

And say what, exactly? Excuse me, my husband was involved in an armed robbery.

Don't suppose you could help me find him, could you? Johnny, no!

-MESSAGE ALERT

-It's Dad.

What does it say?

Pack a suitcase.

DOOR OPENS

CREAKING

Haven't you got work to do?

Hm.

Try it.

Try it!

I should have pulled the trigger on you when I had the chance.

-You should have.

-You're brave, all of a sudden.

-You two-faced rat!

-Out!

MOBILE RINGS Out! Now!

Saved by the bell.

'You stood me up.'

Oh, darling. I'm sorry.

-I had a prior engagement.

-Say a few Hail Marys while you're there.

'Oh, yeah. I know where you are. I know what you're doing.'

I'm always one step ahead of you, darling!

I thought you said you didn't know where he is.

No, I don't.

Make him sweat.

Besides, there's more than one way to skin that cat.

Keep him on a leash, will you?

-Come on, boys.

-It's stuck.

-So, what? You tried to batter him?

It would have been easy.

A sitting target.

-We still could. Two against one.

-Two against one?

You got to sort yourself out, look at me!

-What's keeping you?

-It's stuck.

Keep your cool.

We get our money, we disappear for a while.

Whatever beef you've got with the old boy, you've got to let it go.

Let it go?!

I've lost my business!

How am I supposed to drop that bombshell on Kim?

I can't. I mean, she ain't pregnant, we thought she was.

I can't even manage that!

Give me that screwdriver. Hold that. SIRENS APPROACHING

We've got to get our arses out of here!

-You think they're after us?

-Hurry!

Let go.

That's what they want me to do.

That's Beale all over.

He's weak.

He's a weak man.

You've got me for a dad, Abi. I'm never letting go.

Come on!

Oh, no!

No!

-Where's the money?

-This weren't me, I swear!

Where's the money, Bill?

-Well, it ain't there, is it?!

-What we going to do now?

Leave the bleeding country, if you have any sense! Run!

Aidan! SIRENS

-Every man for himself, Phil!

-Aidan!

Aidan! SIRENS APPROACHING