12/01/2018 EastEnders

RADIO CHATTER

PHONE RINGS

-Is something burning?

-Yeah, Tiff's just...

-Trying to make breakfast...

It's called Eggs Benedict. And, yeah, it's for Whit

-to say thanks for having me.

-That's a really nice gesture.

Is something burning?

I made it for you.

-It's to say thanks, innit?

-Yeah.

You know, for putting her up, being a really, really great sister.

That's lovely... It's really sweet.

-You ain't actually going to eat that, are you?

-Right - you, let's go.

Now. Come on. OK.

Sit.

-Orange juice.

-Oh, thanks.

Looks yummy.

Wait, wait, wait.

No, don't smile.

Lovely.

Right, I'm off to the shower and then we're going shopping.

If it's my last day here...

It's fine.

Oh, there's fresh towels in the airing cupboard.

RADIO PLAYS

-Don't you lot expect tea tonight.

-Why, where are you going?

-Work.

-You spoke to him?

It was all just a misunderstanding.

Far as I'm concerned, he offered me the job.

-But...

-But nothing.

You lot worry too much.

What?

Well, we got you something but we wasn't sure whether to give it

to you until you were 100% sure that, you know,

-you were starting so we decided to put it away until...

-Bernadette, spit it out!

-To say good luck.

-Oh, you soppy sods. What you go and do that for?

-Open it then.

-We all chipped in.

But you ain't got no money.

Take it back then, shall we?

Oh!

You're going to be great, Mum.

You're still making your own tea.

It says, "The Boss."

Check you out.

Tickets and bags ready for inspection, please.

-It's going to be OK.

-Thank you.

-AUTOMATED VOICE:

-You have one new message.

VOICEMAIL: Ben, what are you doing? Don't be an idiot.

Just come home, yeah? Call me, all right.

This is crazy.

Tickets and bags ready for inspection.

Aaj ke baad...

50? What, to move a few trees?

Why are you shouting? You'll wake Daisy up!

I'm not. I'm not shouting.

Raz, I'll have to call you back.

He wants 50 to move a few trees.

They're not even ours!

Hiya, love, all right?

One of these yours? They've been dumped outside our house.

Not mine.

I was taught not to - where I eat. Know what I'm saying?

Really? I found this on one of the trees.

Beats me.

How do I know they ain't yours?

We don't celebrate Christmas.

Don't know what you're missing.

-Ta-ra, then.

-Ta-ra, then.

I'll get rid of them.

You're talking about the neighbours, I hope.

Bex has been using my straighteners again!

What? I don't want her skanky split ends everywhere, do I?

It ain't mine, it's Bex.

-Sit down.

-It ain't mine, I swear!

I said sit down, Tiff.

-So this ain't yours?

-I told you.

Well, it ain't mine.

So when Bex finishes school I'm going to have to sit down

-and have a chat with her and her dad and ask her.

-No.

Don't.

Why? Tiffany, you can tell me the truth.

SHE GASPS

Tiff?

I can't. I...can't...

-What's the matter?

-I can't breathe.

Can't breathe?

Tiff?

-INTERCOM:

-This delayed Dover to Calais service will shortly depart.

We apologise for any inconvenience caused.

Please make your way to the upper decks.

I need to go back down.

It was a really, really good business plan.

Puts me in mind of the time I was running...

What's all this?

Mr Papadopoulous Junior was just talking me

through his plans for the launderette.

-Can't wait to get started.

-I don't think so.

No, that job is mine. You offered it to me.

-Actually, that's not quite true.

-Yeah, it is.

I'm really sorry if you got the wrong idea,

but there was no offer made.

But I got a new pinny.

You should have come straight to me.

You know you can tell me anything, don't you?

I just thought you'd call Mum.

She's going to kill me.

Was it positive, Tiff?

Are you pregnant?

I'm getting off, thanks.

You can't just hold us hostage.

I ain't leaving till I get my job back.

-It wasn't your job in the first place.

-Mr Papadopoulous is a very successful businessman,

much like myself, and I don't think it'd be mistaken to say...

-Oh, stop brown-nosing him, will ya?

-Was that a racist slur?

You interviewed me. I'm the right person for the job.

You know it. I know it.

Mr Papadopoulous Junior - running this place is a very physical job.

Helping customers with heavy loads...

Oh, is that a sexist slur? You know what, roll on Brexit.

-You do know I'm British, don't you?

-Yeah, you know, coming over here taking all our jobs!

What, is it a part of your Sherry Law is it - screw thy neighbour?

-If anyone's had a sherry, luv, it's you!

-Do you include me in that?

No, you're from Hampstead, that don't count.

-Where you from?

-Karachi.

-Scotland?

-Pakistan.

-Then swan off back there.

-Enough!

Why don't you just swan off back to your Jeremy Kyle Show?

-I don't even watch it!

-That's enough.

We open in a week's time and this place is in need of a deep clean.

There's cleaning products in the back office. You take that side, you take that side.

Whoever does the best work gets the job.

-Fine.

-Fine.

-Good.

£4.99, please.

Sorry, one sec.

Why do I need another one?

In case it was a false positive.

In case it was wrong!

Yeah?

Tiff.

Look, I'm not here to judge.

But I do have a very special offer on our ribbed condoms.

I can't find my purse.

Didn't you put it in your bag?

Yeah, I did put it in my bag, it must have fallen out somewhere.

Can I pay later?

Sorry, Whitney.

Company policy, no credit.

All right, we'll have to come back.

-Well, come on then.

-All right.

MUFFLED TANNOY INSTRUCTIONS

Go, go, go, go, go!

Get it down you, girl.

Come on!

Come on, chew.

You can get more than that.

Faster, come on.

Oh, come on.

Oh, follow that.

How's the little one?

-Safe and sound.

-Good.

I was going to come over and extend my thanks.

No, look, don't worry about it. Don't worry about it.

I must admit after Masood's very inappropriate joke, I did take it to heart a little bit.

But with little ones, you can never be too careful about their safety.

He's a law unto himself.

-Did you know that he's been living in an ice-cream van?

-Really?

-I mean I never had him down as Businessman of the Year material but...

-A man of his age.

-Yeah.

-No job, no home.

No wife.

We despair.

-Look, let me give you a hand with that.

-Thank you.

No, no, that's fine.

I'll give a mate on the council a call and get rid of all of those.

-You can do that?

-Yeah, it would be my pleasure.

You're very impressive, Mr Beale.

ENGINE DRONES, GULLS CRY

PHONE RINGS

Hope that was insured.

Can you stop objectifying me, please?

Oh, dream on, dreamer.

I'm sick of women treating me like a slab of prime meat.

Piece of gristle more like.

I've got to take this. Can I trust you to behave like adults?

-Yes, Mr Papadoodle.

-Papadopoulous.

That's what I said.

Oh!

-Where are you going?

-To get more bleach.

Problem?

I need some, I'm out too.

Well, there's only one bottle left. Finders keepers.

-All right, that's company property. Give it here, Karen.

-No.

What are you, a child? Give it here.

-No!

-Will you just...

No! No! No! Whoa!

-It was her.

-It was him.

We were close, me and your dad.

Way back.

Was he involved?

-Don't know what you're talking about.

-Listen to me.

You might not think this now but I am here to help you.

Listen, love...

-It's Mel.

-Whatever your name is.

I don't know what you think you know

or what you think has happened but - whatever it is -

it's got nothing to do with me.

And it most certainly has got nothing to do with you.

I wouldn't do that if I were you.

-Oh, if you find my dignity down there.

-Huh?

-Never mind.

-I've lost my purse.

-You ain't see it have you, Mas?

-No, sorry.

-You look as bad as I feel.

-Hmm.

It's probably every kid's dream to live in an ice-cream van.

You'll get back on your feet.

Yeah, I'm not so sure.

I just blew my interview at the launderette.

Sorry, it's not funny.

It's just the thought of you working in the launderette.

What, curlers in my hair, fag in my hand.

"Oh, I say, Mr Mas-mood..."

Do you know what, if you are really stuck for work

why don't you try for my old job at the Vic?

I'm a devout Muslim,

I couldn't possibly work in a pub.

Well, it didn't stop you from drinking in there for years, did it?

Can I sit?

Do what you want.

You even sound like your father.

SHE SIGHS

So what happens when you get to Calais?

Then where?

You don't even know, do you?

Some romantic notion of what life on the run will be.

Getting away from all the people, the places,

all the things that really did your head in.

Everyone who ever doubted you...

..did you wrong, they're all gone.

And you're going to start all over again.

Get it right this time.

Only the reality is very different, Ben.

You're always on edge, always looking over your shoulder,

always wondering is today the day they're going to find me?

You'd know, would you?

I know enough.

You can never outrun yourself, Ben.

It's never going to make you happy.

So, go back home to your friends and your family

and have a life.

Why do you care about me so much?

I don't. I'm not doing this for you.

Then who?

Give me the bag and when the ferry docks,

stay on it, turn around and go home.

CHATTERING IN THE BACKGROUND

I ain't touched your straighteners!

Then why's your lank hair all over 'em?

-Oi, what's all the shouting for?

-Bex has been using my straighteners.

-No, I ain't!

-Yes, you have.

Well, it's hardly cause for World War III, is it? Now, come on, lunch is nearly ready.

Tiff, you know I can hear you from outside.

Don't worry, we've sorted it out. Haven't we, girls?

You all right?

No, I've lost my purse.

-I'm supposed to be booking my train ticket.

-Where did you have it last?

Put it in my bag. Must have just fallen out somewhere.

I tell you what, you just use my card to book your train, and anything else you need.

Are you sure? Thank you.

Why are you wearing pink gloves?

Yeah, I'm just, you know...

tidying the kitchen.

Tiff, I thought I told you to come straight home and do that?

I weren't feeling very well.

Of course you must come to the big reopening in the restaurant when the time comes.

And beforehand, I'm going to be doing tasting for family and friends.

Arshad used to own a restaurant, when we were younger.

Yeah, he was telling me. It seems we have got quite a lot in common.

Have more fruit, my friend.

You are a bad man, but I'm not going to say no.

Mr Beale has been telling me about his many

and varied business ventures.

And a family man too.

Chachi Ji? Chacha Ji?

Oh, Beale.

-Masood.

-What are you doing here?

Ian's just been saying that there may be a job for you,

in one of his many businesses.

Of course. I mean, Masood, you should have come to me straight away.

I mean, I really do hate to see you in dire straits.

Well, what do you say?

Excuse me I forgot to

throw myself under a bus.

What?

Weren't easy, coming out...

..not with a dad like mine.

-I bet.

-He pretends to be all cool with it.

But he ain't, not really.

Men like him never change.

He's a bully. Always has been.

That's why he's kept Jay hanging around all this time.

He's my best mate.

Well, more like a brother.

Sometimes I think he loves him more than me.

And this was his idea?

Look, I know what happened.

Him and the rest of his little posse.

Who? Who's that then?

You think I'm going to rat out on my own dad?

You stole his money.

I took what I deserved.

If you leave this boat with that bag

you'll be dead within a week.

-Why was it in your bag?

-I don't know how it got there!

-Why are you lying to me?

-I ain't!

Tiff, do you know what, I can't deal with this any more, all right?

-You've got to go.

-No!

-Go and pack your bags.

-No!

Fine! I'll pack 'em for you.

What?

If you've come here to have another go...

I haven't. I just wanted to tell you that I've been to see Mr Papadopoulous Junior...

Mr Papadum?

That's still not his name.

Anyway, I explained to him it was my all fault -

-the bickering and the bleach...

-Yeah, well, it was your fault.

The point is - he's willing to give you a go.

A week.

-Really?

-Hmm.

Had to do a lot of begging.

You lot - moving into the Square and taking our jobs.

What about you?

Oh, I'll get by.

I always do.

You want to come in? I'm making bacon butties.

-I'm a Muslim.

-That's all right, I'll cut the fat off.

HORN BLARES

Last chance.

I ain't giving you the bag. So what are you going to do?

If you make it through customs it's your funeral.

Mel...

You know something? I do remember my dad talking about you.

He was right. You are unhinged.

HORN BLARES

He's all yours.

Ah-hem.

Is Mick around?

No. Why?

Linda?

What do you want?

A job, if there's one going?

Excuse me?

-Yes?

-Yeah.

What it is, I'd just like to say...

Well, that I'm going to be the best worker you've ever employed.

Also...thank you.

And I just want to check that I've definitely got the job this time.

Mr Masood Ahmed explained your...condition,

which means you make a little more sense.

-Right.

-But really - you should be thanking the recruitment agency who messed up,

otherwise I'd have a qualified, experienced

and competent member of staff starting tomorrow.

Instead I've got you.

That's a yes then?

It would appear so.

I won't let you down.

-Do you want to shake hands or do you want to hug it out?

-Absolutely not.

You won't regret this!

Madame!

Monsieur! Vous, la-bas!

Suivez-moi, s'il vous plait.

Tout de suite.

Les journaux?

OK.

Vous-pouvez y aller, monsieur.

Yeah. No, no, thanks for letting me know.

Honestly, don't worry. She'll be safe with us.

Martin, who's that?

-Bianca.

-I need to talk to her.

-Oh, hang on.

Bee?

What?

Hello?

Are you kidding me? What is the matter with you?!

-Look, I was just messing about!

-Why do you keep lying all the time?

Seriously, there is something wrong with you.

-And you need to go.

-No, please...

-I want you to go!

-I was just having a laugh, Whit.

There you go again, you're lying.

Tiff...

..you're not pregnant, are you?

You lied. Why?

And then the panic attack...

-Right. I want you to go now.

-No! Whit, please.

Do you hear me? I want you to leave.

-Please don't...

-Whit, what are you doing?

-I'm putting her on the train all right?

-Get out.

-I can't! I can't go home!

Why? Why can't you go home?

It's Mum.

She tried to kill herself.

Welcome to Calais.