16/01/2018 EastEnders

Dave? Are you in here?

Oh, no. Don't say they let him out.

No, he'll probably be staying with Joyce.

Oh, how messy they are. Look at 'em.

Ugh!

-How do I look?

-Right now, you look weird.

-You look great.

-What if I get there and I don't know what to do?

Well, there'll be training and that there...

Maybe this is not a good idea. You know, last time I was working,

Charles and Camilla were still dating.

Chucking skid-mark boxers in a washing machine

ain't exactly rocket science, is it?

I'll remind you of that when my first pay cheque comes through

and you want another pair of trainers, shall I?

Mum, you're going to be fine. Just remember - service wash with a smile.

-Yeah. There you go.

-Yeah, so when do you get paid?

School! Now.

You're going to be great!

Yeah...

-Yeah...

-Hey, you ain't seen my charger, have ya? Sorry.

Well, I will let you know as soon as I do.

Thank you. Bye.

That the Wakefield lot?

Apparently, they have got another taker for the unit...

..but if I can get there on Thursday, it's mine.

-LOUD POP MUSIC PLAYS

-You going to go, right?

Tiff! Tiff, I've told you - turn that music down! Tiff!

Sorry!

I've told 'em I've gotta sort everything out here first.

I'd say she was all right.

Now that's what I call a perfect Windsor.

I don't think it's going to be that formal in there.

You only get one first impression.

Good. All you need now...

..is...

Who's going to buy a home from a briefcase-less man?

No briefcase means no papers. No papers means no sale.

No sale means no business.

Briefcase means business.

YOU mean business.

-That makes sense...?

-Good.

Oh, bring a colleague home tonight for dinner.

Mariam? Something spicy.

Something very spicy. Let's see them sweat.

You never listen, do you?

I have to take Daisy to the doctor's for her jab.

I can't just bring a complete stranger back for dinner.

Stranger. No, the enemy.

You work for commission, right?

Commission means war. And what's the first rule of war?

Know thy enemy.

She's beautiful.

Can only presume she takes after her mum.

-I saw you in the chapel earlier, didn't I?

-Mm.

Do you believe in all that?

Well, it's like my old dad used to say,

can't hurt to believe in something.

Gives you something to blame, at least.

Don't you think?

I remember my dad picking me up from school one day.

Walking down the road, we saw this nun.

This geezer pushing her along in a wheelchair.

My dad went straight up to this bloke, gave him a slap.

Bosh - back of his hand.

Yeah, apparently, she was a nasty piece of work.

She used to give my dad a good hiding when he was at school.

He couldn't hit the nun, obviously,

so this bloke was the next best thing.

Then he said to me, "Boy, that woman is proof that God don't exist

"and that only the good die young."

And then he married a church woman and died an old man.

Shows you what he knew.

I don't know what I believe any more.

Dr Harding will be in shortly.

For what?

See, all you people are the same.

You want to come in here, you want to pull the plug,

you want to free the bed up and that's it, you just want to move on to the next one.

I'll tell you exactly what I said to the other nurse, which is you ain't going near her.

Call yourself a Christian? You're ain't a Christian, are ya?

You're no better than a murderer...

Sorry.

Just I haven't slept.

-You haven't got any paracetamol, have ya?

-Not on me. Sorry.

Just...I can't think straight.

Um...

Look, I'm really not supposed to leave the room.

Look, I'll just get someone.

Mr Branning?

Mr Branning, move the bed!

Gimme a sec, yeah?

Ain't you going to separate them whites from the colours?

Oh, look, the laundry police is here. It's a cold wash.

Well, I've got my dirties with me. I could do 'em in my own machine,

but I don't like to leave it unattended cos it's dangerous.

Yeah, you're going to have to bear with me, all right?

Ooh! Posh grapes! Ever had these frozen?

Like crack, they are.

Hm!

Well, you know what they say?

Dress for the job you want, not the one you've got.

-What job's that, then? Bollywood Bond?

-Er...

..Pakistani, not Indian, so that borders on racism in the workplace.

Still a bit much for a day's worth of washing-up, though, mate.

I assumed, with my experience, I'd be working behind the bar...

Not today, sunshine.

Linda's gone to Watford to see her mum, Tracey's got the trots

and the dishwasher's packed up.

Halfway sort of knows his way around the bar,

so you'll be doing the washing up.

You think a guy called Half-day can do a better job than me

-behind the bar?

-It's Halfway, mate.

-This guy? Come on?

-Oh, what, a called Halfway

and another bloke with an empty briefcase.

-To be fair, I'd say it's 50/50.

-You think this is empty, do ya?

No, in here are business proposals.

Business proposals that I intend to work on in my lunch break.

This job is just a pit stop on my road to success.

Oh, so you think it's an easy gig, do ya?

No, course not.

I'm just saying you don't need five A to Cs to serve drinks.

No offence, Half-Pay.

All right, then - let's see how good you are.

You go behind the bar with Half-Wit and start pulling pints.

It's Halfway.

But I bet you a day's wages, by the end of the day, you'll be

costing us more money than we take in.

Deal?

Double or quits. My OJ and crisp privileges. Deal?

Should I shake on it as well?

How long has he been in there?

He asked me to get a couple of paracetamol and I come back

and he's barricaded himself in. You need to talk to him.

Dad? Dad!

They want to kill her, Lauren, all right?

That's what they're saying they want to do.

-So I ain't going to let it happen.

-Dr Harding's been called.

If he thinks your dad is a danger to himself, security will come.

No, no. Just listen to me - he hasn't slept, that's all.

Just give me two minutes.

Mr Branning, we have a duty of care to ensure that your daughter

passes in a dignified...

Listen to me, all right, I don't want you anywhere near my daughter!

Do you hear me?! Stay away from me!

You need to get here now.

Hang on, man. Because you don't want to help your missus do the cleaning,

we have to hide out here all day?

Patrick, it's Joyce we're talking about.

She'll have me at the top of a ladder with a squeegee

risking life and limb. Well, not today.

-I'm too young to die.

-All right, all right...

What can I get ya?

Sorry! I was just colour-coding the old alcopops.

There's so much dust down there. Not on my watch!

-Who are you?

-I'm the new bar manager. Masood.

-Since when?

-Today.

Yeah, Masood, you...

Yeah, I know, just cos I serve it, doesn't mean I have to drink it.

I have some self-restraint -

unlike some, who've been here since 11am...

Well, well. Wonders never cease.

Make that a double rum.

Right, that's a large rum and a pint of that, please.

All right, coming up.

Bar MANAGER, you said?

Right.

Do I get a Flake with that?

Er...you a chess man, eh?

Good for you.

-Good for me?

-Yeah. You know? Don't often see...

..old cockneys playing chess.

It's more of a snakes and ladders area round here, mate, eh?

Not that you're old or...

..cockneys are stupid or anything.

That'll be £8.

-You don't know about the two for Tuesday deal, then?

-Two for...?

Tuesday. OAP discount.

You ask Linda, or Shirley, or Mick, they'll tell you.

But then you're the bar manager, ain't ya?

I'd hate to embarrass ya.

No, no, no! Two for Tuesday! Two for Tuesday! That's fine.

No, I'll just... I'll just...

Mr Branning, please...

Lauren, I'm not leaving this room until he agrees Abi can go America.

Abi can't go anywhere - look at her!

Mr Branning, I assure you the withdrawing of your daughter's

life support machine will be controlled and dignified.

If you don't let us in, there is a danger that she could have a sudden cardiac arrest

and then it will all be over before your family has a chance

to say goodbye in a calm and dignified manner.

Dignified - why do you keep saying "dignified" all the time?

You're the one who's standing there telling me

-that you're going to pull the plug!

-Lauren?

Uncle Jack, please. You need to talk to him now.

The cavalry's arrived.

The doctors say, you know, when they're being official,

that she's "brain stem dead".

Whenever I close my eyes, she's there. As I remember her...

Happy little girl, you know. World at her feet.

And there's no...

There's nothing they can do?

No, no, so Son says.

What about the baby?

It's like a miracle. She's doing fine.

Can't find no instructions online. What did you call it again?

Merino wool.

Like what I've got on now, actually.

I'm worried about it shrinking, that's all...

Oh, hello, you ain't even flexing, are ya?

I should have it dry cleaned or maybe a cold wash - no tumble dry.

Well, if you're such an expert, you can pop it on, yeah?

I've been rushed off my feet all day. I'm gagging for a ciggie.

Ta, love.

Not the service it used to be in here, is it?

If you come back in an hour or so, I'll have it ready for ya.

-No, no, no, Dot, you shouldn't be working...

-No, it helps me to keep busy.

All right.

Thank you. And if there's anything I can do...?

Just make sure she ain't smoking in front of the laundrette door.

All right.

-See ya.

-See ya.

Bianca Jackson, yeah.

Yeah, I am family.

She definitely ain't been in?

No, I've tried St Mary's already.

Thank you. Yeah, thanks. Bye.

St Gregory's...

-You going to buy that?

-No, I can't stand 'em.

You can't just finger my fruit and put it back.

-Does Whitney know you're out here?

-Uh, yeah. She sent me out.

-I need a new top.

-Go and see Donna, then.

What, the witch in the wheelchair?

No, thanks. I wouldn't even dress my dog in her stuff.

-You haven't got a dog.

-Exactly.

-Whitney is worried sick about you, Tiff.

-Yeah, well, it's family stuff.

-Yeah, and while you're under my roof...

RINGTONE: THE BIRDIE SONG

-You should probably take that.

-Yeah.

Hello?

PHONE RINGS

Max?

Man, this thing too light for me, man.

My rum must be like my women.

What, spicy?

Yeah, man. And dark too.

Well, that's why you try before you buy. Well, take them over.

-Yeah, bar work suits you!

-What are these called again?

Snakebite and black, son.

Because I can't seem to find a price for them.

Well, that's probably cos most pubs don't serve it.

There you go, that should cover it.

You don't want the white rum, then? No? Ted?!

-TED!

-How's it going?

Yeah, good. Yeah, really busy.

The OAPs, they love the discount.

PHONE RINGS

Hang on. I gotta get this.

It's a business call.

-You work for me.

-Fine.

I need a bathroom break.

You cheeky old...

Yeah, no, everything's going really well.

Yeah...

There's more boxes that want bringing in.

Erm...

Listen, Chachi-Ji, I have to go now cos I've just got to close a deal.

Yeah, 300 square feet, yeah, white goods included... Yeah.

So what would you do if it was one of yours?

I'd hope I'd do the right thing.

Yeah, we can all hope, can't we? But you ain't answered the question.

Look, I know what it's like - to go through what you're going through.

It's my daughter, innit?

Nothing compares to losing your child, does it?

I'm just saying. You know, we do things when we grieve.

Things we don't normally want to do. Things we might regret...

Why are you all ganging up on me?

We're not ganging up on you, Dad. We just want to help.

This is about Abi. All right, what's best for her.

Uncle Jack's right. You're not fighting for Abi any more. You're fighting for yourself.

This ain't about me, Lauren.

This is about a little baby who needs her mum.

Mr Branning - this has gone on long enough.

Security will now be called, unless you come out.

Mate!

Think we need to have a little chat, don't we, boys?

Ted! I've got your wife on the blower...

Are you having a laugh?

-What? What did I do?

-You do not grass punters up to their wives.

You relax.

I'll just tell her that he mistook you for some other old git.

Cheers, Shirl. Hang on.

Old git?

Shut up. OAP discount? You've been conning him all day.

Well, now it's time for you to pay back your debts.

Get out there and do the washing up.

And you - join him.

Oh, Kush, I'm ever so sorry.

I must have put it on a hot wash by mistake...

It's fine, Dot, honestly, it's fine. It was an old one anyway...

No, merino wool, you said. That don't come cheap.

It were me.

When I come back - I turned the machine up by mistake.

-Did ya?

-Weren't thinking straight. You know, first day and all that...

I tell you what - I'll give you a couple of free service

washes for the inconvenience, and in the meantime...

Let's see what we can do, eh?

We followed all the guidelines and the protocols, but he's calm now.

It's Jack, innit, yeah?

Yeah, yeah, I'm his brother.

Are they really just going to barge in there?

I mean, what if he does something stupid?

Well, that's why I wanted to ask.

If you don't mind, I could try talking to him?

Yeah, go ahead.

PHONE RINGS

Oh!

Where did it all go right, eh?

These snakebites ain't half repeating. Oh!

-Ted?

-What?

I think we might be saved.

I'm not going to bury another child. It's not going to happen.

I understand.

How can you possibly understand?

My Ryan was 18.

One night, he asks for a tenner to go out with his mates...

Glad to get rid of him, to be honest.

So he goes out.

And he drives home after too many drinks.

Next time I see him, he's laid out just like your girl...

..'cept there were no machines beeping.

I had nothing to cling to.

I had no choice but to say goodbye there and then.

I guess I was lucky.

The truth is you can sit and pray all you like,

but you still beat yourself up.

You never stop...

Saying goodbye, that's just the start.

But you have to say goodbye.

You told me you didn't know what to believe in any more,

but believe this...

It has to start, Mr Branning. You, you need to start.

You fixed it?

We got the same one in our restaurant.

There's a knack to it.

New one of them would've cost you a fortune, so, technically,

he has saved ya more money than he's cost ya.

-Technically, like.

-Steady on, Vorderman.

-One more chance.

-Er, so does that mean I've won our bet?

If so...I have a little favour to ask you.

Thank you. We'll take it from here.

The family have been through a lot.

I just stopped at the chippy on the way back -

loads here if you're hungry. Tiff back yet?

TJ called.

B, she didn't try to kill herself.

She's on a cruise.

So Mr... How did our Masood do today?

Yeah...good.

Yeah, he sold a house and that. So, good, yeah.

Have the last bhaji. I think I've got some more in the kitchen.

If that's your competition, you'll be running the place in a month...

Hair conditioner. Lukewarm water.

Yeah... Works every time.

Skinny look's in these days, innit?

Well, I suppose he could give it to baby Arthur.

THEY START TO LAUGH

No, I shouldn't be laughing.

I don't suppose you smoke, by any chance, do ya?