29/01/2018 EastEnders

Oh, them noodles you like, and some of them soup thingies.

Oh, and I couldn't resist getting you a tin of alphabetti pasta.

-Mum!

-What? You used to like it when you were little.

You can spell "litigation" on your toast of an evening.

Oh, and I've packed some cleaning products,

cos you don't know what state the house will be in.

Here you are. This is from me and Tina.

-Thanks, guys.

-Shirley!

-What?

-It'll help him make friends.

He don't need any help!

Well, he will do if he walks in

and he slaps a cleaning rota on the fridge, won't you, eh?

What's the matter? You're not nervous, are you?

It's just paying off our debts with a stolen ring.

Surely it's got to come back to bite us.

Johnny-boy, if you learn anything from your old man, learn this.

If a horse comes up to you with a present,

then you never, ever pipe in its mouth.

-You understand what I'm saying?

-Just agree with him, Johnny.

Look, for once, everything's back on track for us, all right?

Don't pick it apart.

Well, it's my head, you know, and I don't usually over-indulge,

and I don't talk to strange men, neither,

but it was that Mick Carter.

He must've been topping up my sherry when I weren't looking.

And that Tina, she was dancing on the table!

Reminded me of my friend Ethel, only she kept her drawers on,

and they were celebrating, like it was the end of the war.

Oh, but I mustn't feel guilty,

cos it's a long time since I had more than one.

No, you mustn't feel guilty. Mrs Branning, is it?

Mrs Dorothy Branning.

But round here, they usually call me Dot.

Oh, what a beautiful name for an English rose.

What, Dot?

-No, Dorothy!

-Oh.

Yes, well, I may be getting on, but I ain't no fool,

and you are Mr...?

Aidan.

And I can see that.

But you didn't say what the Carters were celebrating.

Oh, didn't I?

Oh, it was keeping the Queen Vic.

It's a new property for me. I get 'em all cleaned and painted

between tenants, so, you know what, feel free to add your own touches...

within reason.

So, you're OK with me putting some brackets on the walls, then?

Only I need something strong for the swing.

SHE SNORTS No, I'm joking!

It's perfect for what I need.

So, you said on the phone you knew the area.

Yeah, it's an old haunt of mine.

-Literally. Ghosts everywhere.

-Oh.

How far back are we talking?

Oh, Jack. I was just starting to like you.

Let's just say long enough for me to be older and wiser now.

Well, listen, if you ever fancy a drink, I take it you know the Vic?

Of course.

-Well, the owner's a mate of mine.

-Oh, yeah?

Yeah, yeah, he thought he was going to lose it,

but he's managed to pay off his debts.

-We're all still buzzing for him, so...

-Good for him.

-Yeah.

-What did you say his name was?

-Mick.

-Well, good for Mick.

So, what about this drink?

It's very sweet, but like I say, I'm wiser now.

HE CHUCKLES

See you later.

Boy, it's nippy outside.

Nippy? It's blooming perishing!

Still, Karen's girl, she's coming to work for me,

so I won't have to brave it.

Payback for the shirts?

Well, it's only right that she should be the one

to work off the debt.

She won't be any use - she's hardly got two brain cells to rub together.

I feel sorry for her, if I'm honest.

So, wait now, man. You're showing her some charity

by putting her to work outside in the freezing cold?

I'm instilling discipline.

Not getting any of that from her mum, is she?

-DOOR OPENS

-Hiya!

Morning.

Morning! Are you ready for some hard work?

Good.

I want you to turn over the weeds in the front bed,

and then pick the rest of the Brussels sprouts.

I forgot my gloves.

Well, you're a very silly girl.

If it gets cold, you clap your hands together.

What you playing?

Chess.

I don't suppose you read that chess book me and Joyce gave you?

-Oh, come on, you can't learn from a book!

-Oh?

-No, no, no, man.

You have to live and breathe a game of chess, you know?

How do you mean?

It's warfare.

It's watching and waiting.

Tactics. Manipulation.

Sounds intense. This is the horse, right?

Knight.

-And this one?

-Never you mind.

Weeds. And then Brusselys.

Chess?

I doubt she could manage a game of snap!

HE LAUGHS

Yeah, man! HE CHUCKLES

-Oh, have you told the staff about the party yet?

-What?

Denise's birthday party, upstairs in the Albert.

Babe, what is wrong with you?

I was going to wait till tonight,

but, um...there's something I need to tell you.

OK. What is it?

Please don't get angry, just... Just hear me out first. I...

PHONE RINGS

I need to take this.

Vincent?

Vincent, I'm talking to you!

Hey, Savannah!

-Savannah?

-DOOR SLAMS

Hmm. Manager of a thriving takeaway establishment

is nothing to be sniffed at, Masood.

You are on your way.

Mm?

Did you say something?

-Er... No, nothing, Uncle.

-Oh.

You weren't going to sneak away

without saying goodbye to us, now, were you?

No, of course not!

Why you think there's more prospects in fast food, I'll never understand.

Let me look at you.

Oh, please don't make a fuss.

You're not selling any liquor, are you?

It's a chippy, Chacha Ji!

-Ah.

-I made you some lunch.

Oh, no, I'll get something there.

Oh, that greasy English food has no flavour.

Hmm. Well, I've got something up my sleeve for that.

Initiative, eh?

Going to make you both proud. Chacha cha!

You text?

Ah, he speaks. Where have you been?

What, you keeping tabs on me?

Michael Carter has just come into a lot of money.

-So, what are you going to do?

-We Phil, we are a team, aren't we?

I don't think it's a good idea to jump in feet first, though.

What do you suggest?

Well, like you've been saying, we wait and see.

We keep our eyes open, see what shakes down.

Patience?

Trouble is, mine is wearing thin.

Here, darling. Take away, please.

What?

I've just got back from Paris.

That's nice. Eat any snails over there, did you?

I was trying to find Ben.

He'd been tagged in some photo in a hostel.

Right, and...?

Well, I was too late.

And now he's closed down his Facebook profile.

Well, that's sensible, anyway.

Jay, he's in trouble. If Aidan finds out what he's done,

he'll kill him.

Well, if you can't find him, then no-one can!

Let me know if he contacts you, yeah?

Right, and make sure you top up the oil every couple of hours, OK?

Look, multi-tasking is the key here.

You've got to be taking orders while you're frying,

frying while you're wrapping...

Mm-hmm. I've got it, Kathy.

I ran The Argee Bhajee for a number of years,

so I know all about multi-tasking.

Yeah. Went bankrupt, didn't it?

Yeah...

Anyway, I Skyped Ian last night, and he came up with this great idea.

First 20 customers get a free saveloy.

Genius!

Right, well, I'll be over in the caff,

so I'll keep popping in, see how you're getting on.

-There's no need.

-Yeah, even so.

Oh, good luck!

Thank you!

HE SIGHS

Mmm!

Hello, young man.

Sorry, am I interrupting?

I heard your family's come into some money.

A substantial sum, in fact. Am I right?

Well, don't be modest.

I like it when good things happen to good people.

So, where'd it come from?

Cos last week, your father hadn't got a pot to pee in.

Family heirloom.

Oh, fancy that!

Ming vase in the attic, or something?

No, nothing like that.

Oh, come on, spit it out, Jonathan,

otherwise I'll think you're making it up.

Medals.

My grandad's war medals.

We didn't realise they were worth anything until the other day.

What medals?

Er...I don't know. Erm... Look, I've forgotten my wallet.

I've got to go.

-So, did you bring them?

-Why ain't you got your own pair?

Because we're going to need two for this job.

What job?

Me and you are going to spend a morning

cutting the crotch out of every single one of Vincent's trousers.

And then we're going to start on his boxers.

He's having an affair.

-No!

-Yes.

-How do you know?

-He told me.

-He told you?

-Yeah.

-When?

-This morning.

And what did he say?

Well, he was going to tell me, and then she called, innit.

-Who called?

-"Savannah."

Who makes up a name like Savannah?

-I don't know. Who?

-Linda. That's who!

Whoa, whoa. Slow down!

You're...

You're telling me that Vincent has been having an affair

with Linda Carter,

and that she's been pretending to be called Savannah.

-Yes, that's it, yeah.

-Mm-hmm.

And why do you think that?

Because...

She came round the other week, yeah, and they're acting all shifty,

whispering in the kitchen like, "Sssss."

Right.

Yeah, and then look at this, look at this, look!

He's changed the password to the laptop. I can't get in.

Well, it is his laptop.

He is entitled to a little bit of privacy, you know?

I really thought I could trust him, Dee. I thought I could trust...

OK, OK, OK, OK!

OK, darling.

Now, how about I just, you know, make a small suggestion...

before you go cutting up his designer smalls.

How about you just try... talking to him?

Come on, Bernie, you'll be here all day, the rate you're going.

I hate digging. The ground's frozen solid,

and my hands are cold.

Well, when I was a lad,

I used to have to break the ice on my bath before I could get in!

Why didn't you have a shower?

I'm hungry. Ain't it lunch yet?

Yeah, well, the chippy reopens today,

so, get me and Patrick haddock and chips, eh?

Two large, please.

Might need a bit more than that.

-Why?

-You'll be wanting a can of something, won't you?

Patrick, you got any change?

What we're trying to say is, we've missed you,

-and we'd love to have you back on the payroll.

-Thanks.

-Lovely. Couldn't put a shift in now, though, could you?

-Yeah!

OK.

Johnny?

We're screwed, Dad. We're totally screwed!

A Victoria Cross? First World War?

How very interesting.

No, not for me, sadly.

Friend of a friend.

I'll let you get on. Ta-ta.

-Medals?

-Yeah.

What you mean, medals? What, Olympic medals? FA Cup medals? What?

-War medals.

-War medals.

Why have you said that?!

It's the first thing I could think of.

Haven't you come up with a cover plan, Mick?

Well, I was going to say we got a loan from Linda's family.

I was going to keep it, you know, vague, believable,

but Johnny-boy here's made Grandad Winston Churchill.

Sorry, Dad.

-It's not your fault.

-No, I know.

I'm sorry. I should've made our strategy a little bit clearer.

We can rein it in. There's no drama.

You think?

Yeah, yeah.

We just do a bit of research, we get our story straight.

-It'll be sweet.

-Bit of research?

He's going to want proof.

Yeah, well, I can't give him that, can I, cos you've made it up!

You were the one popping champagne bottles all weekend!

-What do you suggest I do, then, whizz kid?

-I don't know.

-Go away for a bit.

-Oh, have it on me bromleys?

-That's not going to look shifty, is it?

-The man's a psycho!

He's probably killed people. He'll come for you!

-Calm down, Johnny, you're getting hysterical.

-Oh, wake up, Dad!

I'm not being soft.

The bloke's old school, and you can do what you like,

but I won't have Mum stuck in the middle.

Come on, let's pack a bag. We're going to Grandma's.

Two haddock and chips, and a large chips, please.

Can I tempt you with a new and improved recipe?

It's a subtle aromatic tweak on the traditional batter,

and one I think you'll find goes very well with white fish.

Is it more expensive?

-No. Same price.

-All right.

You tampering with Beale's formula, Mas? I mean, you're a brave man.

A very brave man.

Oh, don't get me wrong, Jack - Ian's good with the basics,

but, you know, nowadays we expect more from our takeaway experience.

We want restaurant quality with a fast food setting.

And as manager, that's my aim for this place.

Here's me thinking I just wanted something hot, fried and salty.

Mas, I was third in today, so where's my free saveloy?

Er... Take that one.

Do I get one too?

HE CHUCKLES No.

£17, please.

-Well, go on, I'll have one of your specials.

-Yes!

Er... How's it all going?

Oh, yeah. Tickety-boo.

-Great. Well, I'll leave you to it, then.

-Yeah.

Honestly, since Ian's been away, the power's gone right to her head.

This isn't your mess, Johnny, all right? It's mine and your dad's.

I won't be able to concentrate.

I'll be worrying, waiting for the phone to ring.

"Is this Johnny Carter? It's your mum and dad.

"Are you sitting down?"

You always did have an active imagination.

-This is real.

-Yes, I know.

How can you be so calm?

Honestly?

I don't know.

But we've come this far,

and I'm not going to let a low-life like Aidan run us out of town.

And I'm certainly not going to let him

put my son off the start of his brilliant career.

What if it isn't?

What do you mean?

Brilliant.

Johnny...

What if I end up letting you all down?

SHE SIGHS

You're nervous, sausage.

Course you are.

New people, new job.

But what you've got to remember is...

..whatever you do, you could never let us down.

What are you doing? No, you can't come up here, it's private!

Mick!

I'm sorry, he wouldn't take no for an answer.

Aidan.

I hear you've been intimidating my boy.

Why don't you come and have a little sit down?

-Whit, go downstairs...

-Mum?

-What?

Did you keep any of my GCSE history projects?

Probably. Why?

Hi. You must be Mick.

HE CHUCKLES

Something funny?

Oh, you weren't joking! No, I'm Halfway.

I'm a family friend from back home.

Halfway?

What a fun name!

Halfway, as in only half here.

That's what Linda says, and that's being generous.

Only, "Quarterway" doesn't really have the same ring to it, does it?

SHE LAUGHS

I'm Mel. I'm new to the area. Fancy buying me a drink?

White wine, please. I'll grab a table.

This is him, then? The famous Grandad?

Second World War, eh?

I don't have to explain myself to you.

Yes, you do, Michael.

Cos as I see it, you have played an absolute blinder.

Waited a few weeks...

made it look like YOU were the one that was wronged.

Very clever.

As if.

I'm a straight goer.

That's why you wanted me, innit?

Why I said yes to you, I'll never know,

but then, hindsight, you know, it's a wonderful thing, isn't it?

Tell me about this family heirloom, then.

I don't have to tell you nothing.

Oh, come on, Mick. Why don't we get it all out into the open?

You know, we've got nothing to hide, have we?

You see, it weren't Mick's grandad's medal.

It was his great-great uncle Perry's.

First World War.

Well, give him a minute, he'll find some pics.

But first, I'll stick the kettle on. Few biccies? Excuse us, Aidan.

-What you babbling on about?

-Johnny's got a plan.

I knew there was a reason I said medals.

Look, I did this project for my GCSE about a war hero who won the VC,

and I named him Perry Carter!

We Googled the Victoria Cross.

They can go up to 500 grand at an auction.

I mocked up a newspaper article, and everything.

And you got an A star!

You little swot!

He's never going to buy this.

He will if you sell it.

I'm going to make some tea.

Hmm...

Your great-great uncle?

Yep. Served on the, er...

Western Front with the Royal Naval Volunteer Reserves.

And here you are, look, get on this, look, look.

CLEARS HIS THROAT

"His.." er...

"His fearless courage instilled bravery and confidence in his men,

"who he led home to safety, despite himself being dazed by shrapnel."

So... Do you know what I mean?

It's, it's...

Now, I... Look, I know it looks like bad timing,

but the truth be told, we didn't realise

we were sitting on something so valuable,

and a pal of mine came round -

he's an antique dealer - and we got chatting.

Are you stopping much longer, Aidan?

Only, my boy Johnny, he's moving away today,

and I'd like to serve up, if it's all right with you.

Where are you going?

Manchester. I've got a training contract with a law firm.

Oh! Brains as well as bravery in the Carter lineage?

-Yeah!

-Don't know about that!

Best of luck.

I'll be seeing you, Michael.

Certainly will. You certainly will.

Get in!

Come here, well done.

Scratchcard? What are the chances?

I know. Mick needed some luck.

He's been through the ringer lately.

Well, what a fantastic story, Halfway. It's been a real pleasure.

Thank you for the drink.

Hang about, can I get your number?

Dream on.

-It just... It tastes weird.

-Not good, mate.

-It's horrible, mate.

All right, all right, all right!

Shrimps, sometimes our palates need a little bit of coaxing.

Why don't you try it without the ketchup?

I'd prefer it without whatever you've put in it,

thanks all the same, Mas.

-Do you mind if I try a bit of that, Shrimpy?

-Here you are.

Er... Can I have a word?

SHE SIGHS

What are you playing at?

-You like it?

-No, I don't. And it's like Shrimpy said, it tastes weird.

With all due respect, Kathy, you run a greasy spoon.

Your idea of flavour combinations

doesn't get much more exotic than brown sauce on bacon butties.

Well, if it ain't broke...

I just think you could be a bit more creative.

And I think you should shut up and get on with your job.

Look, Kathy...

I've put up with you teaching me how to suck eggs all day.

Frankly, Kathy, frankly...

What?

Because if you've had a better offer from some Michelin-starred

restaurant, then let me know, cos I'm sure I can find someone else.

Er... No. That won't be necessary.

We can stick to traditional, if that's what you and Ian prefer.

Great. I'm glad we're both on the same page.

Now, if you'd like to refund the customers,

and then let's get a move on, eh?

Cos we're already missing out on the lunchtime trade.

-Good journey?

-Yeah, it was fine.

I know we've talked about this before, Vincent,

but I'd urge you to wait for a better offer.

It's only been on the market a day, and I'm certain we can get more.

Yeah, trouble is, Savannah, I don't have a lot of time.

Well, well, well!

This is cosy!

And who are you?

Savannah.

So you're real?

Excuse me?

-Kim, could you just give us a sec, please.

-Savannah who?

Sweeting.

Savannah Sweeting!

-SHE LAUGHS

-What sort of name is that?!

Kim, go home.

Does she taste sweet like honey, is that it?

-Cos that's what he says about me, you see.

-Kim!

Probably says the same thing about Linda.

You're not the only one, you know.

Savannah, this is my wife, Kim.

Oh, so she knows about me?

How long has this been going on?

What? You think I'm a joke?

You think I'm funny?

I'm a commercial estate agent, Mrs Hubbard.

I'm handling your husband's sale.

Hold on. What sale?

Yeah, I tried to tell you earlier.

Vincent?

Perhaps I'll come back another time, Vincent.

Savannah, please, could you let the buyer know that I'm saying yes?

Are you sure?

Did your fish taste funny?

The rum was muddling the flavour a bit.

-True!

-THEY CHUCKLE

Finished! Can I go now?

-You what?

-I'm done.

You HAVE been busy!

I'll see you tomorrow, then?

Yeah. Don't forget your gloves.

I won't.

-Blimey! I didn't think she had it in her!

-Mm!

No, these aren't my sprouts.

She's got these off Martin's stall!

Ha! Guess she's got more than a couple of brain cells, after all.

-Mas?

-You want a refund, too?

No. I want more.

You liked my curried batter?

The samosas.

What, you took my lunch? I was going to eat them!

-What are you talking about? You gave it to me!

-What?

-So you don't have any more?

-No!

But you could make more.

Oh, just leave me alone, will you, Robbie?

All right.

DOOR SLAMS

Who? Who do you owe money to?

It's best that you stay out of it.

The Albert is our business.

It's our livelihood. It's Pearl's future!

I know. I don't want to sell it,

but I promise you, the alternative is far, far worse.

Vincent, you are scaring me now.

Look, baby, baby, you thought I was having an affair, and I'm not.

You can trust me.

Can I?

Can I really?

You're sneaking around,

you're in over your head with these dodgy guys.

I thought you were done with all of that, Vincent.

I really thought you were someone that we could rely on.

Come here.

Love ya.

CAR ENGINE STARTS

Glad I caught you in.

Aidan. Long time.

The pit bull.

Ciara says hi.

How much is she paying you?

I'm a free agent.

Have you changed sides?

She barged her way in. Thinks it's Mick, the same as you.

It's not him. I've just been round there. His money is legit.

You bought the scratchcard story?

Scratchcard?

Halfwit, mate of Mick's, blabbed.

Why? What did Mick tell you?

You've been played.

AIDAN GROWLS

I am going to kill him!