09/03/2018 EastEnders

CALL ALERT

I'm so sorry, Whit. They're like kids here.

What was you saying about Mick?

Erm, it's fine, it's fine.

There's nothing wrong.

Is it something to do with me, or...?

Is he getting trouble off that Welsh bloke?

-I want to stay.

-Not for this one, darling.

Sonia and Bex are expecting you.

-Should you come with me?

-No, no, no. I need to face the music.

Go on, it's fine.

CRASHES AND THUDS

CLOCK CHIMES

Right...

Phil?

Grab me orange and white pills, will you?

Just me!

MASOOD GASPS

Teach me to get wound up, won't it?

I can hardly blame you.

This is not the reaction I was expecting.

You.

You know, I had everyone in the frame.

Jay, Mel, Mick, Billy, Vincent, all the Taylors!

Well, any good whodunnit, and it's the last person you'd expect.

Billy got a clump.

You left your mate high and dry, you nicked off of Ben,

you put everyone - everyone - at risk!

Just get out.

Get out!

DOOR OPENS

Fashionably late.

-I thought you'd bottled it.

-I'd never stand up a date.

Could've saved them a job.

Then why would I pay them? Best to let them get on with it.

GLASS BREAKS

Clumsy, ain't they?

Not much of an audience here for your grand apology, Michael.

Must be something good on the telly.

CRASHES AND THUDS

Are you seriously here alone?

Well, you've got the drop on me again.

I'm wrong-footed before I even begin.

I was convinced you'd have a crew.

I had a posse. Hardly a crew.

I just thought, you know, it would be wiser,

-safer, if we did this ourselves.

-Mm.

Unreasonably cold out there tonight.

Yeah, I was saying that to the wife when I shipped her off.

-AIDAN CHUCKLES

-Probably for the best,

she'd probably just want to call the police.

What's the whisky?

I am genuinely flattered.

Shall I be Mammy?

Oh! You can taste the peat.

Smoky, too.

Mm. It's nice.

Nice? That's 60 quid's worth of Islay's finest.

I think you could come up with a better adjective than nice.

It's proper nice.

AIDAN CHUCKLES

So...

..shall we start the dance?

We are going to dance, aren't we?

My dance card's full. There's credit on there already.

Oh, my lucky night.

No Johnny Cash?

We did have Ring of Fire,

but Robbie Jackson nearly burnt the place down trying to be funny.

THEY CHUCKLE

Why are we at odds, Michael? I love you, boy.

So, dance?

All right, I'll do it alone.

MUSIC: Dirty Old Town by The Pogues

Our dance, where you say you're not letting my boys work in The Vic,

and I say, "OK, give me my money back, then."

And you say, "I ain't got your money, Aidan."

And I say, "Well, how did you buy this place back, then?"

And what excuse do you give? Family heirloom? Scratchcards?

So many excuses, I forget.

And I say, "Michael, you let my staff work here...

"..and you make a nice, big public apology to me."

And you say...

No.

No.

Then we'll have to start the dance again.

I will not have drugs in my pub.

Then walk away, and I will find someone else to run it.

No.

No.

Then I will have to beat you until you say yes.

Honey?

Honey, are you in there? I just need a birthday card!

I'm never going to apologise or say yes to you.

I'm going to stay in my boozer, and I'm going to run it how I see fit.

And you, after that drink, are barred...

..for life.

And...

..how is this all going to happen?

I haven't worked out the finer points yet.

What was your dad like?

He was a scumbag, and I walked him out of town.

He should have been proud to have you as a son.

Stop playing games with me.

No, I mean it.

You're a man of principles.

I thought you were and all.

So why am I not?

Well, drug dealing aside, you threatened Vincent's kid,

you're threatening my kids. And for what? Pocket money.

This Square is a cash cow...

..waiting to be milked.

At the heart of it is this place.

Your place.

You know, there aren't many pension schemes for old villains like me,

and I need something to see me through me old age.

Well, the Square ain't up for grabs, and neither am I.

Yes, it is, and so are you.

This place is full of clowns, scrabbling around to make a crust.

What it needs is a ringmaster.

You know, I'm enjoying that.

Did you hear about my brother? Topped himself in prison.

When we were kids, I took a lot of blows for that boy.

-Our dad?

-AIDAN CHUCKLES

He was king of the scumbags.

I should have stood aside.

-No, you shouldn't.

-No, I shouldn't.

But that's what you should do now.

Ah, but there's no-one round here that can make me.

That's why I like this place.

I've nearly finished me drink.

Phil, let's be practical. You ain't right.

I can stay in Louise's room, keep an eye on you.

Do you want me to explain myself?

Don't you even want to know how I did it?

-SOFTLY:

-Right.

Wait.

Where are you staying? Linda's?

No, they've gone.

-All of them?

-Yeah.

Finally seen sense, then.

Cos I was just thinking, "At least I know how they kept the boozer."

No. I didn't give them a penny.

That one's got you.

Don't be smug.

Do I get to stay?

Depends on your answers.

Well, I can promise they'll be truthful.

I can't promise you'll like them.

Well, thanks for the compliment, boys, but I am old enough.

It's shut.

Oh, no, I don't want a drink. I'm a really good Muslim.

I just wanted to ask Linda if she'd got any spare birthday cards.

Or Mick, if he's about.

I can wait.

Hey, hey, hey, hey!

Mick?

-We're closed, Mas.

-Is everything OK?

Yeah, I'm sweet.

All right, fair enough.

Not bad for a 60-odd-year-old, eh?

You don't fancy hitting me back?

MUSIC: Happy Hour by The Housemartins

I didn't put this on.

Needs updating. The tracks are different.

Well, that's a rip-off.

-It weren't your money.

-I still feel aggrieved.

What's the plan here, Michael?

-I ain't got one.

-Then apologise.

-I have got some pride.

-Then fight back, and we will end it.

No.

DOOR CLOSES

Ah, there he is.

Someone wants to talk to you.

Why didn't you help Linda?

I didn't want to get her into more trouble.

I just wanted Aidan to go first.

-But you gave Ciara the money?

-I had no choice.

I took a risk, and it didn't pay off.

I was trying to help Mel and her son.

You robbed Ben.

He was robbing you, very badly. It was too easy.

-So you robbed me instead?

-No!

I was getting it back...

..for you.

Well, you didn't do a very good job, did you?

Any more questions?

Just one.

Who are you?

I'm Den and Angie's little girl.

It's not cold, is it?

What?

Since when did Sharon Mitchell need an invitation

to take her coat off in her own house?

Whit?

I'm sorry, he insisted.

Right, it's connected.

-What is?

-Just listen. Please.

Halfway? No!

This is the idiot that shot you!

Is he wanting me to finish the job?

Hello, Mr Maguire.

Is this live? I thought it was a recording!

-Can you see me, lad?

-Yeah.

How many fingers?

Oh, yeah, good one.

Listen, Mr Maguire, I've got something to tell you.

Look, Mick's a great bloke, and I know you think he ripped you off,

but he never. The truth is

I took a ring from the stash before you boys even got there.

And the other guards did, too.

It was me that bailed Mick out for the pub. It was me.

Well, good luck to you.

Mick never took anything from you.

You can leave now, girlie.

-Yeah.

-Mick?

Whit, just...

..you go. Go on, you go.

Tell Halfway thank you, though, yeah? Now.

Nice to have friends, eh?

Yeah.

AIDAN CHUCKLES

You really don't care how I got that money, though, do you?

It's about control.

Who runs this place runs the whole Square.

My legacy, son.

Aidan Maguire is not about to shuffle off into the sunset.

I am going to make this place legendary...

..after I've put you back in line.

-How are you feeling?

-Old and knackered.

There's plenty of life in you.

Look how excited you were when you were about to do over that van.

-Didn't last, though, did it?

-Well, it was the company you kept.

A stupid old man and a bunch of empty heads.

PHIL SIGHS

Imagine if it was me and you. Someone you trusted.

Imagine if you'd been with me when I went to see Ciara.

Do you think I'd have had to hand over the money then?

What? You fancy being Bonnie and Clyde?

We're cleverer than that.

We put our heads together, we could be king and queen of Walford.

Yeah, well, I think Aidan's going for that job.

But he's not from here.

We shouldn't be letting a stranger just turn up and take over.

I don't mess with Aidan, and Aidan don't mess with me.

That's how it is.

You're no hero, Mick Carter.

I don't need to be.

There's a memorial out there with a list of geezers' names on it.

Ordinary geezers like me.

They fought back.

Yeah. Well, I won't hit an old man.

MICK GROANS

A sad, lonely old man,

who's grabbing on to anything to make himself feel better.

You've lost everything and everyone, and it's your fault.

It's not mine, it's not Vincent's, it's not your brother's,

and it ain't the Square's, it's yours.

MICK CHUCKLES

You had enough yet, old man?

Right!

Fight back, or die.

MICK GROANS

DOOR OPENS

Yeah, well, I'm sure we'll have something.

I normally have some spare.

All right? Just needed a birthday card. Forgot my aunt's birthday.

It's, er...

-Cleaner's on holiday.

-Right.

Right. Does she like trains?

Er, I wouldn't know, but I think she'd prefer them to naked men.

-Do I owe you anything?

-No, it's fine.

-Wish your auntie happy birthday, yeah?

-OK.

Oh, is everything OK with Mick?

Oh, they've gone, Masood. No time for goodbyes.

No, he hasn't.

He's at The Vic.

There's a load of thugs guarding the door.

-You shouldn't have come back.

-Shush.

-It's over now.

-No, it's not.

Chachi Ji?

-Sh!

-What?

-Be quiet!

-Why?

She's putting the little one to bed.

-All right, well, I got her a card.

-Put it with the others.

I didn't know her age, but I don't suppose she wants reminding.

-Huh?

-What?

Her birthday isn't for months!

ARSHAD CHUCKLES

Mothering Sunday! Oh, what a pagal!

How many kids have been through her arms?

No, no, no, no, no!

There were worse options.

Please tell me you lot have got a plan.

Yeah. Time to go, Aidan.

You think?

We know.

You know that film where Sean Connery plays an Irish cop,

and he says, "They pull a knife, you pull a gun,

"they put one of yours in hospital,

"you put one of theirs in the morgue."

Something like that.

My Irish accent is better.

Your cronies have gone, mate.

-They did?

-Yeah.

I suppose you could call it that. Or you could call it...

AIDAN WHISTLES

..fetching back up.

DOOR OPENS

You know we should help.

I don't know anything, and you didn't help when you could've.

They were going to lose a pub, not their lives.

Well, he's made his choice, ain't he?

And I wonder who'd gone for the pub if they HAD have lost it.

Yeah, well, you'd have done what Mick's done.

You wouldn't abandon your home for a bully.

Aidan had my back in prison.

Years ago, yeah.

But check your back now - it's full of knives.

Phil, he's running this place.

He hasn't asked you, he hasn't even cut you in.

He's taking liberties.

Well, I caused all this.

If he'd got his money, he'd be gone.

Whatever happens to Mick's down to me, so...

..I'm going down there anyway.

And what happens when Aidan discovers it was me?

What would your old cellmate do then?

Tell them, Michael.

-Tell them what?

-Why you stood them down.

Cos I know you.

Elaborate.

He ain't got nothing to lose.

This is what he does to people that stand up to him.

This is what he does to people that he likes.

Mm. Very eloquent.

You know me. Dumb And Dumber, an old man,

two ladies I couldn't care less about.

I don't mind ruining their lives, but you...

AIDAN SIGHS

This is going to hurt me more than it hurts you, Michael.

Do it.

Oi!

-Please!

-Oh, "Please," now, is it?

Two minutes ago, you were going to have me lynched.

Let it burn!

Michael...

..a public apology, and my boys start here again tomorrow.

Yes.

I didn't hear an apology.

I'm sorry!

Excellent.

I will see you all here again tomorrow.

It's OK.

Evening.

It's OK.

I think it's going to be all right.

Now, just let me know where you want that shoving, won't you?

No! Not you! This ain't right!

No, you!

You, JP! YOU ain't right.

-I thought we were mates!

-Yeah, we were, but this...

This is where I draw the line.

Are you all right? Are you coming at me unarmed?

You should know me better than that.

Look at that! You were right.

Spot on.

You see, I don't need a gun, JP, to bring you down.

As if Phil Mitchell would go to the Old Bill.

No, but Vincent would.

We shared a cell! We're brothers!

Now, you leave.

You leave, and you don't come back. No trips down memory lane.

Go and poison some other pond!

AIDAN CHUCKLES

Where are the rest of them?

That's your trouble.

You always think you're one step ahead, don't you?

AIDAN SIGHS

You want a job doing well...

Do it yourself.

-We're mates.

-Yeah, and I'm treating you like one,

because I think I know who this belongs to,

and his family are rich.

Very rich. They can afford top lawyers.

None of your court-appointed nonsense for the Willmott-Browns.

You told me to do him.

No, I told you to scare Luke off, not to kill him.

And you still might go down with me.

-PHIL SCOFFS

-Yeah, I might,

but do you know what, JP?

I ain't afraid of the dark.

You've overreached, JP.

This is a disgrace...

Oi! Stop bunnying, and get out the boozer.

I told you, you're barred.

All right, old man? How's it going?

Ah.

Here.

It's not a bitcoin, but start saving up.

Get yourself out of this dump.

No. I like it here.

Orange juice, sir.

Thanks.

-You all right?

-Me? Look at the state of you!

Yeah, well, at least I ain't got a dodgy ticker

-and someone else's liver, eh?

-Still some fight left in me.

Yeah!

You're not wrong.

-Cheers.

-Cheers.

So between me and you, you had that money all along, yeah?

Sharon took it. Give it back to Ciara.

Sharon?

Between me and you.

Grab a glass!

I tell you to stay away, you do the opposite!

Bulldog spirit, son!

Come here, you. My hero!

Oh, easy.

-SHIRLEY:

-Here, everyone - Phil, welcome back.

ALL: To Phil!