12/03/2018 EastEnders


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12/03/2018

Mitch arrives on the square, and he is hunting down the Taylors. Ian returns with a fresh mindset.


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LineFromTo

Um...

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Oi!

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You going to move this van or what?

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-I'm going to get some breakfast, darling, you want some?

-Please...!

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Mmm, Mummy looks good!

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Broke it, set it, broke it, set it...

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Just leave me alone.

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HE BREATHES HEAVILY

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It's only a trial!

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You ain't going without a bit of bacon.

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She's proud of you. We all are.

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-I thought you had school?

-Oi!

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Mum, Phil's going to flip if I'm late.

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Keanu! It's a bit of bacon!

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HE SIGHS

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Here you go, Patrick.

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Same again, please, love.

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Slip us an extra rasher?

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Hey, man, you got no chance at all.

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Yeah, but I'm a growing boy, ain't I? This young lady can see that.

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You're sure about that?

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Since when did we do extra rashers?

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Oh, it's to shut him up.

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-Ian!

-Kia Ora.

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-Mick?

-Yeah, all right, babe.

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I was going to do you a nice bit of breakfast.

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Mick?

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-You're chucking our money away!

-He shoved petrol through our door!

0:02:280:02:31

-He's not coming back.

-And if he does, the alarm will go off.

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-You're scared. I get it.

-I'm just being sensible.

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No, it got a bit lairy. You're jumping at shadows...

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-Don't make this a joke.

-I'm not laughing!

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I'm just saying he's not coming back. Trust me, baby. Yeah?

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You break anything, and you pay for it.

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Yeah, well, when I was doing my apprenticeship...

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No birds, no dramas.

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Yeah, yeah, sweet.

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And don't wear your breakfast.

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-Sorry...

-CAR HORN HONKS

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First customer.

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Keanu?

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If today ain't my day, it will never be.

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You got buff, son! Come and give me some love.

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Come on.

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-All right, see you, Marie. Thanks.

-See you later.

-Cheers.

-See ya.

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-Thanks, Mum.

-What is that on your face?

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You gone all hipster on me or something?

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No, I just thought I'd try something new.

0:03:320:03:34

Well, don't try it for too long.

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-So, don't you want to go to sleep?

-Flat bed.

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All the way from New Zealand?

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Yeah, I mean, obviously,

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-you wouldn't splash out if you're paying for two...

-How's Peter?

0:03:430:03:47

Yeah, he's doing a lot better. I read this article on the way out...

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Yeah, and what about Simon? Did you see Simon?

0:03:500:03:52

They give you this magazine, you know, when you fly business.

0:03:520:03:55

-It was all about the key to success.

-Just a minute, love.

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The past is in the past and it must stay in the past.

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The future is for the making and today is the day to make it.

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-Right.

-Oh! And I'll tell you the other thing about New Zealand...

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-All right...

-Yeah, I should go and serve, I think...

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It is full of 50-somethings who retired too early,

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and thought they should travel didn't know where they should go

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so they end up where you can drive on the left and it looks like Wales.

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-Is it?

-Yeah, and I'm not going to end up like that.

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That's where they shot the Hobbit. I am no-one's Hobbit.

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I'm going back to where I'm best.

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Well, I thought the past was the past, you know,

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-and it was yesterday...

-Rebuilding the Beale empire.

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All right, I've even learnt a Haka.

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OK, if I do it every morning, it gives you focus and determination.

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I'm like a glacier. And I mean you should see their glaciers over there.

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I mean, nothing is going to stand in my way.

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You'll have to show me this magazine.

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-Tomorrow is today and today starts with the chippy.

-No!

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-I've had a flat bed. I'm not tired.

-Ain't no-one here serving?

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-"Rudeness is a short cut for fools."

-I ain't ordered a lecture.

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I ain't ordered anything yet.

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-Well, the manager will be with you...

-I'm the owner.

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..when she's had her morning motivation.

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Actually, I need to go and see a supplier,

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so maybe tomorrow can start in here?

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I knew you couldn't cope without me.

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Do you know, some days,

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I can hardly put the kettle on.

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Right, young sir, what can I get ya?

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HE HUMS TO HIMSELF

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You're a horse!

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I was working out a move.

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Pat'n'Ted.

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"Patented".

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Do I look like a horse?

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You should put a bet on.

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When is it running?

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Tomorrow.

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Is this whole paper just...

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Ted...

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Check.

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-What's 6:1?

-Six to one. It means it's rubbish.

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Means it's a good return.

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HE CHUCKLES

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Are you playing?

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You want to bet on things where you can control the outcome.

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Like chess?

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Check...mate.

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50 quid.

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Next game.

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You should be saving for Australia!

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I never said I was the one playing.

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Is there a problem?

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Boy knows his stuff, like watching a surgeon go to work.

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Think it could be a leaking slave cylinder.

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He'll have it done for you this afternoon.

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Well, I'll wait.

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Listen, you can tell Aidan Maguire this place is off limits...

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-What now?

-He, um... He ain't from Aidan.

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I know him.

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Lot of tension around here, eh, son?

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-Ian loves a samosa!

-Well, just give him a couple of days

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-to find his feet.

-Everyone loves a samosa.

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Well, they will do, if I ever get to work.

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He, er... He doesn't know.

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He wasn't even happy with me giving you the job.

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You lied to him?

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No, I was just a bit economical with the truth, that's all.

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Yeah, well, I won't have him ruin my business.

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His business.

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I'm not scared of your son.

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No, neither am I.

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Yeah, well, he won't even notice I'm there.

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If you want a reduced price, you can have yesterday's.

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Nah, he don't like tomato with his cheese.

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-"Unadventurous people..."

-Give us a bun instead.

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It's his first day with Phil.

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Oh, good luck to him.

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Oh! You're back!

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Oh, Kim. As sharp as ever.

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He's been in bed all the way.

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No, not in bed. Had a bed.

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And Kathy's got you working already? Respect to the woman.

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Gone to see a supplier.

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And respect to the samosas!

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Have you been to the chippy and tasted 'em? Full of flavours.

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Very flavoursome.

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Yeah, I went to the towers looking for you all,

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but some geezer said your mum had moved around here.

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Yeah, they moved on again since.

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-What, and you stayed?

-Yeah.

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On your own?

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Yeah, on my own.

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Couldn't believe it when I saw the towers all boarded up.

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I thought, "How am I going to find my princess now?" You know?

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If she wanted you to find her, she would've...

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And then, my clutch went, I find the nearest garage and boom!

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I mean, come on, this is what you call fate.

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TOOLS CLATTER

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Look, I'll, er...

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-I'll nip off until you've finished, yeah?

-Yeah, she's gone.

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So, there's no point you sniffing.

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All right, son. That's cool.

0:09:010:09:03

Give us a call when you're done.

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I've only been playing a few months!

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It's like taking sweets from a baby!

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Remember your openings.

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You know, man, I've got a new woman, you know?

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Only me!

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Brought the worker a sticky bun.

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-Mum...

-I would've brought it earlier,

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but I got caught by a stubborn stain.

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Yeah, you need to go, all right.

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So, how's the morning been?

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Mum, Phil don't like people coming here.

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Yeah, maybe I got a car that needs servicing.

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And maybe you can't drive.

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Look at you, in charge of a garage.

0:10:040:10:06

I ain't in charge, Mum. If Phil comes back he's not...

0:10:060:10:09

Oh, come on. I've just bought my son a treat for his lunch!

0:10:090:10:11

No, he'll be back soon. And when he comes back, he's not going to...

0:10:110:10:14

All right, stop keeping me from my dryers.

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DOOR SLAMS

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Mick? Over, is it?

0:10:230:10:26

-Funny.

-Jumping at shadows, am I?

0:10:260:10:28

More abrupt.

0:10:300:10:32

No, my son's not abrupt.

0:10:320:10:34

"What are you selling foreign food in here for?"

0:10:340:10:36

"What you selling foreign food in here for?"

0:10:360:10:38

No, you come round here and be me.

0:10:380:10:40

I thought this was just you showing me

0:10:400:10:42

-how we were going to persuade him?

-Come here. Come on.

0:10:420:10:44

-SHE GROANS

-OK, this is how it goes.

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"We sell chips, Masood. And fish.

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"Fish and chips.

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"Sausage and chips.

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"Pie and chips.

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"This is a chip shop."

0:10:550:10:56

Yeah, well, you still haven't come up with a single reason

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why he's not going to kill the pair of us.

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"Is this called Masood's Plaice?

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"No. It is called Beale's Plaice.

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"Because it is mine.

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"The Plaice of the Beales.

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"I do not go away on holiday to come back to find my chip shop,

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"my shop of chips, my lovely shop of British chips

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"my British chip shop of British chips

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"with British salt

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"and British vinegar to find..."

0:11:220:11:23

Samosas?

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-She found me on the internet, you know?

-Just stop talking, yeah?

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Yeah, man. Me and her, back in them days...

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Think it through.

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Now, what you want to go to Australia for, then?

0:11:520:11:55

No! Bernie!

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Oi!

0:11:580:11:59

-Started as a mistake.

-What, the impression or the samosa?

0:12:050:12:08

Oh, no, the impression was on purpose.

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So, how can a samosa be a mistake?

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-Just hear him out.

-Whose side are you on?

0:12:120:12:15

She's been persuading me

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that you're not a pig-headed, obstinate little...

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No, I never said "pig-headed".

0:12:180:12:19

Right, so, this samosa, it just dropped itself in the fryer, did it?

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-Actually, people love them.

-People love chips.

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-Chips and a samosa.

-Yeah, which they go to the curry house for.

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-Only round here they can't...

-Don't go there.

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Because the curry house is shut, because the owner was so incompetent.

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-Yeah, you went there...

-Look, Masood asked me and...

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What? And you went behind me back.

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Well, you were busy off being a glacier!

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We sell chips, Masood.

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And fish.

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Fish and chips.

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-Sausage and...?

-Sausage and chips, yeah.

0:12:440:12:46

-I thought you was all about adventure now?

-Right, pie and chips.

0:12:460:12:48

-In a world that didn't look like Wales?

-It's a chip shop.

0:12:480:12:51

-Just look at the books, Ian!

-Yeah, I will look at the books.

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I'm going to look at about how much I'm paying you.

0:12:530:12:55

I could've started this again on the market.

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Yeah, right my business, my decisions.

0:12:570:12:59

-Ian, you're just jet-lagged.

-I am not jet-lagged!

0:12:590:13:01

Kept all the profits to myself...

0:13:010:13:03

You keep going on about these profits, what profits?

0:13:030:13:05

Sorry, love. We're closed.

0:13:050:13:07

-Oh, hello again.

-Hey.

0:13:080:13:10

Could I have a couple of samosas, please?

0:13:100:13:13

Oh, a couple of samosas, sir?

0:13:130:13:15

Yeah, yeah.

0:13:150:13:17

Actually, make it four.

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Four samosas.

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Yes, please.

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Four profitable samosas.

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Well, get cooking then!

0:13:240:13:25

I'm sorry, we're actually a chip shop.

0:13:260:13:29

I don't pay you to stand around, Masood.

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Get cooking.

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I never made you lose your money.

0:13:560:13:59

No-one has lost anything.

0:13:590:14:00

That's your Australia fund.

0:14:000:14:02

-You can beat him.

-Oh, yeah, course I can.

0:14:020:14:05

I believe in you.

0:14:090:14:10

You just care about your 50 quid.

0:14:130:14:16

-I told ya, Phil don't like...

-Hey...

0:14:300:14:32

I just brought you some lunch, kid.

0:14:330:14:35

-So, how's it going? We winning?

-We're getting there.

0:14:370:14:40

Getting there? You're charging me by the hour, boy.

0:14:400:14:42

You'd know all about that, wouldn't you, Mitch?

0:14:420:14:45

Look, I got this new job, yeah?

0:14:450:14:46

They're putting some flats up by the docks.

0:14:460:14:48

I could ask around, see if they need any labourers, or whatever?

0:14:480:14:51

I've got a job.

0:14:510:14:53

Qualifications as well, actually.

0:14:530:14:54

That's good.

0:14:540:14:56

That's well good.

0:14:560:14:57

I'm well in with these guys, you know? Learning fast.

0:14:570:15:01

I'll be a property developer soon just get a couple of houses.

0:15:010:15:04

I just gotta get the finance behind me, you know?

0:15:040:15:06

-Yeah, well, we've not got the money, Mitch, all right?

-Look, son.

0:15:060:15:09

I'm glad you're doing well for yourself.

0:15:090:15:11

I always said you should get a trade.

0:15:110:15:13

You're done.

0:15:150:15:17

Could you check this tyre for me?

0:15:170:15:18

It's a bit bald and it's an easy pull, please?

0:15:180:15:21

So any girlfriends?

0:15:220:15:24

Girlfriend, eh? You ever see Kandice, eh?

0:15:240:15:27

How's your brother?

0:15:290:15:30

-Brothers.

-Ah, right, yeah.

0:15:320:15:34

Yeah, yeah. And your sister?

0:15:340:15:36

Bernie's fine.

0:15:360:15:38

I was talking about Chantelle?

0:15:380:15:39

She's moved out.

0:15:410:15:42

Has Mum got a fella?

0:15:420:15:44

-Hey, listen, you go anywhere near my mum...

-Hey, be nice, man.

0:15:440:15:49

I still love her.

0:15:490:15:50

Yeah, well, she hates your guts.

0:15:500:15:52

-You can't stop me from finding her, son.

-Watch me.

0:15:540:15:57

HE LAUGHS Ain't you sacked yet?

0:16:330:16:35

Nah.

0:16:350:16:37

Yeah, well, Mum wants to know what time you finish

0:16:370:16:39

cos she wants to get some chicken and celebrate.

0:16:390:16:42

-Come on, then. Show us your new toys.

-You need to go.

0:16:420:16:44

-Have you got a grinder in there?

-You can't, Phil's in a bad mood.

0:16:440:16:47

All right. Chill out. Mum sent me.

0:16:470:16:49

HE SIGHS

0:16:510:16:53

Ah... Your...

0:17:000:17:03

Your phone was ringing and...

0:17:030:17:04

Samosa?

0:17:040:17:06

Check.

0:18:270:18:29

Checkmate.

0:18:510:18:53

50 quid, yeah?

0:18:560:18:58

I told Chaconia I'd be online.

0:19:010:19:03

Chaconia? What sort of a name's that?

0:19:030:19:05

Double or quits?

0:19:050:19:06

Few more miles for your Australia fund.

0:19:120:19:14

I said I believed in you.

0:19:140:19:16

SHE CHUCKLES

0:19:160:19:17

Had a good teacher, didn't ya?

0:19:170:19:19

THEY CHUCKLE

0:19:200:19:22

I don't want to see you again, Mitch.

0:19:260:19:29

You can't escape fate, son.

0:19:320:19:34

Say hello to Mum, yeah?

0:19:340:19:36

Did he pay his bill?

0:19:560:19:58

Mitch! Mitch!

0:20:000:20:02

ALARM BEEPS

0:20:060:20:08

Must have been Lady Di.

0:20:080:20:09

BARKING

0:20:090:20:10

Lady Di!

0:20:100:20:12

It's not her fault!

0:20:120:20:13

Turn that thing off!

0:20:130:20:15

Tomorrow starts today.

0:20:220:20:24

I think you spelt my name wrong.

0:20:240:20:27

The past is in the past.

0:20:270:20:29

There's no B in Masood.

0:20:290:20:31

Do you know how I start my day?

0:20:310:20:33

The night before, obviously.

0:20:330:20:35

With the Haka.

0:20:350:20:36

Oh, cultural appropriation.

0:20:360:20:38

Have you ever flown in a flat bed?

0:20:390:20:41

I really missed this, you know.

0:20:430:20:45

Running a business with you again.

0:20:450:20:48

-It was better with Jane.

-Was better with Zainab.

0:20:480:20:50

Yeah, but Masala Queen was good.

0:20:500:20:53

-But this, this is going to be just...

-Right, Masood,

0:20:530:20:56

I don't know what my mum has led you to expect...

0:20:560:20:58

I told her, he might be pig-headed and obstinate,

0:20:580:21:00

-but once he hears the till...

-You work for me.

0:21:000:21:02

When I just made chips for you, I worked for you.

0:21:020:21:04

OK, you finessed this idea whilst you were an employee of Beale's.

0:21:040:21:07

-Yeah, but you don't own my head!

-No, I think you'll find that I own

0:21:070:21:10

the intellectual property rights to all of the samosa business.

0:21:100:21:12

I agreed a 50% stake with your mum!

0:21:120:21:14

-Cooking is in your job description.

-I don't have a job description!

0:21:140:21:17

-All right, so you'll continue to be paid...

-On minimum wage?

0:21:170:21:20

No, at the rate you are currently being paid.

0:21:200:21:22

While you fly around the world in flat beds?

0:21:220:21:25

I could discipline you for cooking off-menu items.

0:21:250:21:27

Customer.

0:21:270:21:29

ALARM STOPS

0:21:330:21:35

SHE SIGHS

0:21:350:21:37

Well, at least we know it works.

0:21:380:21:39

Last week, I thought...

0:21:420:21:44

I just thought I'm still here.

0:21:460:21:49

He's gone.

0:21:490:21:50

It's over.

0:21:500:21:52

You're not the only one who's jumping at shadows.

0:21:560:22:00

But, like you said, there's no-one there.

0:22:000:22:02

No. We get scared, we talk.

0:22:020:22:04

We remind each other that it's over.

0:22:040:22:07

It's not though, is it?

0:22:080:22:10

Tell him.

0:22:140:22:15

You have got two minutes to get back in there.

0:22:150:22:18

-He's trying to steal my business!

-Your business?

0:22:180:22:20

-What have you done?

-Yeah. Kathy and I were trying to diversify...

0:22:200:22:23

She didn't have the authority to make the decision.

0:22:230:22:25

Oh, and who did, then? The man in the flat bed doing the Haka?

0:22:250:22:28

Thank you.

0:22:280:22:29

Are you two...?

0:22:290:22:31

-BOTH:

-No!

0:22:310:22:32

I told you.

0:22:320:22:35

Cultural appropriation.

0:22:350:22:36

-If you accuse me of...

-Stealing.

-No! It's a chip shop!

0:22:360:22:39

-Where do you think fish and chips come from?

-Have I missed something?

0:22:390:22:42

-Portuguese Jews.

-No, they're English.

0:22:420:22:44

-They're as English as hot dogs!

-German!

0:22:440:22:46

-All right, Kebabs! No, not kebabs...

-Turkish!

0:22:460:22:48

-Ian, you need to calm down.

-Yeah, do as Mummy says, Ian.

0:22:480:22:51

He wants a share of our business!

0:22:510:22:53

-Which he has been expanding.

-Yeah, exactly.

0:22:530:22:55

Which I have paid into!

0:22:550:22:56

I took the risks not that either of you two are bothered about it...

0:22:560:22:59

-Masood...

-Right, that's it.

-No, Masood...

-OK, I quit!

0:22:590:23:02

No, you can't quit.

0:23:020:23:04

You are fired.

0:23:040:23:05

This is about you missing Jane, isn't it, Ian?

0:23:060:23:09

Jane's moved on. So have I.

0:23:090:23:10

Ian, I think we should all just calm down.

0:23:100:23:13

She was always too good for you. You may end up being rich, Ian.

0:23:130:23:15

But you will always be alone.

0:23:150:23:17

And samosas, they are my intellectual property.

0:23:210:23:24

Hardly a horse's head on our pillow, is it?

0:23:280:23:30

Could be a shooter!

0:23:310:23:33

Well, didn't go off when you put it in there.

0:23:330:23:35

Or drugs?

0:23:360:23:38

A set-up?

0:23:380:23:39

One of his little games, a message.

0:23:390:23:43

Look, if it is from him, if it is some sort of message...

0:23:430:23:45

-Yeah, then we deal with it.

-Together.

0:23:450:23:47

Who frames a message?

0:23:580:23:59

Ain't he heard of a text?

0:23:590:24:01

What? What?

0:24:040:24:07

Mick?

0:24:070:24:08

-SHE LAUGHS

-I love it!

0:24:160:24:19

I forgot I ordered it.

0:24:190:24:21

I love you, Linda Carter.

0:24:210:24:24

Well, you are going to have to love me later.

0:24:240:24:28

Because we've got a pub to run.

0:24:280:24:30

I thought he was going to sack me an' all.

0:24:370:24:39

From your own cafe?

0:24:390:24:40

And he didn't sack me. I quit.

0:24:400:24:44

Yeah, well, it was fun, wasn't it? While it lasted?

0:24:440:24:49

It had its moments.

0:24:490:24:51

Actually I wanted to ask...

0:24:520:24:55

Yeah?

0:24:550:24:57

-Only I left the samosas in the shop and...

-Of course.

0:24:580:25:01

Course.

0:25:010:25:02

You know they're from Iceland?

0:25:150:25:16

I'm not in the mood, I've just got off a flight.

0:25:160:25:19

You should try a flat bed.

0:25:210:25:23

You, um... You got any samosas?

0:25:230:25:25

We've got chips.

0:25:250:25:27

I said two minutes.

0:25:280:25:30

-Mel!

-Ian!

0:25:300:25:32

Do you know this plank, Mum?

0:25:340:25:36

-I thought you were just passing?

-I'm reopening the club.

0:25:360:25:39

-What R&R?

-E20.

0:25:390:25:42

Do us two small cod and chips, please.

0:25:420:25:45

Yeah, my pleasure.

0:25:450:25:47

Extra chips. HE CHUCKLES

0:25:470:25:49

THEY LAUGH

0:25:560:25:58

-I've got a job, you've got a job...

-I used to have a job.

0:25:580:26:01

-You used to have a job.

-Here, what are you smiling about?

0:26:010:26:04

-Nothing.

-She's after that last bit of chicken.

0:26:040:26:07

This year's turning out to be proper cushty.

0:26:070:26:09

DOORBELL BUZZES

0:26:090:26:11

10p says Jehovah's Witnesses.

0:26:110:26:13

Any of you fancy finding Jesus?

0:26:130:26:16

-INSISTENT BUZZING

-You know, they'll get bored.

0:26:160:26:18

Oi, Keegan! Your brother's eating.

0:26:180:26:20

I'm eating.

0:26:200:26:21

Ask 'em why dinosaurs ain't in the Bible.

0:26:210:26:25

SHE CACKLES

0:26:250:26:27

Here, I'll go.

0:26:270:26:28

BUZZING CONTINUES

0:26:300:26:33

Hey.

0:26:360:26:38

-I thought you did a runner?

-Yeah, totally sorry, son.

0:26:390:26:42

I totally forgot, mate. Look, there you go.

0:26:420:26:45

£250. It's all there.

0:26:450:26:47

You...you followed me home, didn't ya?

0:26:490:26:52

It's a big house for just one person?

0:26:520:26:55

-Yeah, it's flats!

-Oh, really?

0:26:560:26:58

-Karen!

-Get back in your van and go!

0:27:000:27:02

-Keegan! Karen!

-I'm not going to tell you, Mitch!

-Karen!!

0:27:020:27:05

Keanu!

0:27:050:27:07

-Nice.

-Yeah.

0:27:100:27:12

Eh, you ain't changed a bit, girl.

0:27:120:27:14

What's he doing here? Unless he was recruited by Jesus?

0:27:140:27:17

-Don't ask me.

-He was just going.

-You knew he was about, didn't ya?

0:27:170:27:20

-Keegan, get back inside.

-Wow, you've grown, boy.

0:27:200:27:23

-You're not going to do this again.

-Keanu.

0:27:230:27:25

Ain't you going to give your old man a hug?

0:27:250:27:27