13/03/2018 EastEnders


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13/03/2018

The Taylors are tense after Mitch's sudden arrival. Ian tries to blag a date with Mel. Patrick's fortunes take a turn for the better.


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CROCKERY CLATTERS

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Why would he just turn up like this?

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Cos that's what he does.

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So, your new best mate too scared to come

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-and get the stuff himself, is he?

-Is that yours?

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Oh, no, I thought it was your nose you'd cut off to spite your face.

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Running a successful business

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is about making the right decisions at the right time.

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That little gem was in your in-flight business magazine, was it?

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You're either a winner or a loser in this world.

0:01:130:01:15

-Well, let's hope you're not a loser, then.

-Don't you worry about that.

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It's how you come out the starting blocks that counts.

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Not how you finish.

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DOOR BUZZER SOUNDS

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Leave it.

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-< Karen.

-BUZZING CONTINUES

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Mum?

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Ignore him and he'll go away.

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< Karen! Do you really want to do this?

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< Well, come on, girl, I just want to catch up.

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BUZZER CONTINUES

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< Karen, do you know how cold it is in this van?

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BUZZER SOUNDS

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Kaz!

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Ah! Here they are, the East End's answer to the Waltons.

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-We told you last night to jog on.

-Where's the other two?

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They're at their dad's.

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-A proper dad, a bloke who wants to spend time with their kids.

-Son...

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Look at you.

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What happened to the scrawny little boy I used to know?

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What do you want?

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I want to see my family, catch up.

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Keegan, you want to see your dad?

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Want to spend some time with your old man?

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I'm late for school.

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Another time, yeah?

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Be gone when I get back from work,

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otherwise it won't be your van that you're leaving in.

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Mum, you know he never turns up unless he wants something.

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-Promise me you're not going to fall for this nonsense again?

-Course.

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Your son don't want to see ya, I don't want to see ya,

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-so get in your clapped-out van and do one.

-Hey, you don't mean that.

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-Kaz! Come on.

-DOOR SLAMS

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Remember, Kee, the bloke's bad news.

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Always was, always will be.

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REGGAE MUSIC PLAYS

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HE CHUCKLES

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Bottom line is that takings are down.

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Yeah, well, having a crack den in the gents don't help.

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We need to get our nuts together.

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Think of a way to get her back to her old self.

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Yeah, well, is being her old self really what we want for the Vic?

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Please, don't anybody suggest that we start selling craft beers.

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No, no, this is our gaff again, so we do what we do.

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I was thinking maybe Dickie Ticker...

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-Comedy night?

-Stop it.

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-Not after what he did with that pickled egg.

-Yeah, yeah.

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What about an Open Mic night? That's always good for a giggle.

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Yeah, we could do a little duet...

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# I wanna really, really, really wanna zig-a-zig, ah... #

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Yeah, all right, Beardy Spice,

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we want to bring the punters in, not scare 'em off for life.

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What we need is Johnny and his special quiz nights.

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Yeah, come on, then. Come on, ideas, team, ideas.

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Yeah, it's looking good out there.

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Yeah, it'd be looking a lot better if the workmen actually showed up

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when they were supposed to.

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You should crack the whip more, you were always good at that.

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What is it you actually want, Ian?

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I was just passing. I just thought I'd, you know,

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pop in, see how it was going.

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Us local entrepreneurs we gotta stick together, haven't we?

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I mean, must be long hours, getting this place off of the ground

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and then going home and looking after... Gunter?

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Hunter.

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Hunter, Hunter, sorry. Hunter.

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Or does your husband look after him?

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I'm not being rude, but I've got a hell of a lot to do.

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No, no, sure, sure...

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Look, maybe we could catch up later? Talk business.

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Ian, I don't think...

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Mel, I've got a lot of good contacts in Walford Commerce.

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OK, I could put you in touch with people

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who'll help you make a real go of this place.

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-It's all about good contacts.

-I've got contacts.

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Well, obviously, not good enough ones, judging by your contractors.

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Look, you've been away a long time, I can help open doors for ya.

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OK, why don't we have a quick catch up around six-ish.

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-All right. In the Vic?

-Whatever.

-All right. It's a date.

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As the old Maori proverb goes, "E mua kaikai, e muri kai huare."

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Sorry?

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"Early risers get the pickings, latecomers only get spittle."

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You won it, fair and square.

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I'm not taking your money, Patrick.

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-Look, take the damn money now, man.

-I don't want it.

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I pay my debts, you know,

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because I don't have to listen to you

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crowing about how a teenage girl beat me.

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Stock up on some more rum, or stick it in a charity box

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if it makes you feel any better.

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It's your money, Patrick, you can do with it as you please.

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I thought you needed money to go to Oz?

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Well, I'm not going to get very far on 50 quid, am I?

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Unless you're going to add a couple of noughts to it.

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HE SCOFFS

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Got it sorted.

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-What?

-Steak night!

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-Steak?

-Yeah, I got all that lot

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for 30 quid off the meat van near Turpin Road.

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What's the geezer do?

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Empty his bins straight in the bag?

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Fry it up a bit, put a load of gravy on it, and then pile on the chips.

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-Are you sure it's even beef?

-Think about the mark up.

-It stinks, look.

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Look at it, Fifty Shades Of Grey.

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Yeah, well, maybe it's...

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only a couple of days near it's use by date...

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Yeah, yeah, if it was used last week...

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Look, there's no way that that's off.

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Look, even if it's not off, you can't serve that as steak.

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I'm trying to make us money here.

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Yeah, well, unless you can make that edible, you just wasted 30 notes.

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Good luck.

0:07:130:07:14

SHE GRUNTS

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We dancing? Romancing. We prancing? Sorry...

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Now, that is the face of a winner.

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Well, you know, but I broke my own rules though, you know.

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Ignored the form, Put my money on a name.

0:07:470:07:50

-Destiny Woman.

-Destiny?

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-Mmm, 12:1.

-Nice!

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Strongest force in the universe, my friend.

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That may be so but at the end of the day,

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man has to make his own choices.

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True, my brother, true.

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And I've made a few bad ones.

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But not today, not today.

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Yeah, man!

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What's this?

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That's Ian making Britain great again.

0:08:210:08:23

Here, you know about catering.

0:08:230:08:25

What can I do with that in the Vic later on?

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Ugh! Put a hazard sign on it and cremate it.

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It's fine.

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Offcuts of loin and braising steak?

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Yeah, all right, Huw Fearnley what's-his-name,

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-what do you do after you've braised it?

-You got loads of options.

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Well, what would you do if it was you?

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Thank you.

0:08:510:08:52

Adios, Senorita.

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I was hoping you could slot me in.

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SHE GROANS

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No salt.

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He ain't going to have changed, is he?

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-If he's here to upset Mum, then...

-Saying he wants to catch up.

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Saying he wants to see me, like... What's all that about?

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Right, I know he's your dad, but him suddenly turning up like this,

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you've gotta ask yourself why?

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And, knowing him, it ain't going to be for anything good, is it?

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I was going to leave, but little horsey told me to stay.

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So, am I going to get a service or not?

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Why don't you do it yourself? Always was your thing.

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Ah...

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That's my Kazza.

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No-one calls me that.

0:10:070:10:09

You really think you can turn up here after five years

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and just expect me to welcome you with open arms?

0:10:130:10:15

Well, you did after Keanu.

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Yeah, I was young and stupid, then. Still thought you was God's gift.

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-I took on another man's baby.

-Yeah, and then scarpered again

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-when your own son was born.

-Then I come back and took on a whole tribe.

0:10:230:10:27

-What are you doing?

-Well, it's dirty.

0:10:290:10:32

Don't you dare.

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Well, it's not as if you ain't seen it all before, right?

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If you take anything else off, then...

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Well, looks like I'm stuck here till my laundry's done.

0:10:410:10:44

Maybe we should catch up while I'm waiting?

0:10:470:10:50

RADIO PLAYS RACING COMMENTARY

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FOOTSTEPS APPROACH

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You haven't seen my phone, have you?

0:11:130:11:16

-Have you checked in the kitchen?

-No.

0:11:160:11:17

Move. Ah.

0:11:190:11:21

Here you are. Oh!

0:11:240:11:25

Will you look at the state of this sofa!

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All we're sitting on is the frame.

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Come on, it's comfy enough, man.

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Really?

0:11:350:11:36

Do you know, if that sofa was a dog,

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we'd have had it put out of its misery by now.

0:11:370:11:39

Huh.

0:11:390:11:41

DOOR CLOSES

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Oh. Oh...

0:11:490:11:50

COMMENTARY CONTINUES

0:11:500:11:53

-RADIO:

-..Lucky Prayer from Benny Bunting in second.

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At this early stage, Rogue Element tracks them in third...

0:11:560:11:59

You still all right to cover the chippy later?

0:11:590:12:02

Yes, course, but what are you playing at?

0:12:020:12:04

I thought you came back to build your empire not disappear all day.

0:12:040:12:07

You can't build an empire unless you're going to look the part.

0:12:070:12:11

-Oh! New clothes?

-Yeah, new clothes maketh the new man.

0:12:110:12:14

So, where are you going to be tonight?

0:12:140:12:16

-It's just a meeting.

-With who?

0:12:160:12:18

Just a meeting, not with anyone important.

0:12:180:12:21

Ian, can we make tonight a bit later, please? About 6.30?

0:12:210:12:24

-I've gotta sort out some dinner for Hunter.

-Yeah, yeah, yeah.

0:12:240:12:27

-That's fine. 6.30.

-Great. See you later.

0:12:270:12:30

A meeting!

0:12:300:12:32

She wants some advice from a successful businessman.

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SHE SCOFFS

0:12:340:12:36

-It'll be done first thing tomorrow, love, all right?

-Yeah.

0:12:370:12:41

I'd get out of here quick, darling. I just came in for directions.

0:12:410:12:44

What's the matter? You turned shy?

0:12:480:12:49

No, I'm more concerned I'll throw up my breakfast.

0:12:490:12:53

Eh! This is the body of a god.

0:12:530:12:55

Cross dressing?

0:12:590:13:00

Well, if you're into it, I'll give it a go.

0:13:000:13:04

Is that a smile?

0:13:040:13:06

Do you remember we used to hang out in that launderette,

0:13:060:13:10

just to keep warm, under the towers.

0:13:100:13:12

You'd sneak out, we'd meet up.

0:13:140:13:16

Your mum would have had a fit if she knew it was me you were seeing.

0:13:160:13:20

Always had good instincts, my mum.

0:13:200:13:23

You were the first girl I loved.

0:13:240:13:26

Mm! Then there was that bird from the bookies'.

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The sort from the newsagent's and don't forget my mate, Liz.

0:13:300:13:33

All right, I messed up a couple of times.

0:13:330:13:35

But I could see you weren't happy. You deserved better than me.

0:13:350:13:38

And when Keanu threatened me, I thought just keep on going, mate.

0:13:380:13:41

I mean, you probably would've found yourself a new bloke by now, right?

0:13:410:13:44

I mean, why wouldn't you? An amazing woman like yourself.

0:13:440:13:47

But I just couldn't go.

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Couldn't leave.

0:13:510:13:53

Kazza, I've been a fool.

0:13:530:13:55

Even more of a fool than I look now.

0:13:550:13:58

But I want you back in my life.

0:13:590:14:01

I want to know who my children are.

0:14:030:14:05

I don't even know if I've got grandkids.

0:14:050:14:08

And why should I believe it'll be different this time?

0:14:080:14:10

Cos I'm different. I'm older, wiser, that fire in my belly's dying down.

0:14:100:14:14

I want to take it easy now.

0:14:160:14:18

I've got a new job.

0:14:210:14:23

I've got much more to offer you.

0:14:240:14:26

I've got my life in order...

0:14:290:14:31

nearly.

0:14:310:14:33

Hiya. All right?

0:14:380:14:40

Right. How's it looking?

0:14:430:14:46

Yep, all good. Did you and Linda put out flyers?

0:14:460:14:48

Yeah, I whacked it on a board out the front.

0:14:480:14:50

-This meat is a bit lean...

-Good.

-And you're sure this ain't Jekyll?

0:14:500:14:54

No, it's fine, it's just cooked up a bit different than I'm used to.

0:14:540:14:58

Well, if anyone can weave their magic...

0:14:580:15:00

What's with the spuds?

0:15:000:15:01

Curry and chips. couldn't get more East End than that, eh?

0:15:010:15:05

Go on, trust me, I should know. Have a go. It's proper pukka...

0:15:050:15:08

No, I think I'll let me mother have a go. Love a Ruby, don't ya?

0:15:080:15:12

I'll have a plate later on.

0:15:120:15:13

Well, you don't want to insult the chef, do ya?

0:15:130:15:16

-Good?

-Mmm.

0:15:210:15:23

And there's me thinking you'd bought a bag of moody meat.

0:15:230:15:26

Looks like we're all set to go, don't it.

0:15:280:15:31

RADIO: They turn into the famous home straight...

0:15:360:15:38

Oh, Patented, come on now, man, where are you? Come...

0:15:380:15:41

-RADIO: Betty Jim with Curry King tucked in behind...

-Oh, no, no, no.

0:15:410:15:44

..and as they approach the final flight,

0:15:440:15:46

it's Betty Jim still being pushed by Curry King.

0:15:460:15:48

Curry King takes it well.

0:15:480:15:50

And Patented is moving into contention on the outside.

0:15:500:15:52

-Patented, yes, come on!

-Patented is now picking up.

-Come on...

0:15:520:15:55

-Betty Jim is fading with Curry King still strong.

-Come on, Patented.

0:15:550:15:58

-Come on, come on, Patented.

-Patented now upside Curry King.

0:15:580:16:01

Half a furlong to go and only a neck in it,

0:16:010:16:03

-Curry King, Patented.

-Yes! Yes!

0:16:030:16:05

-Patented just in front.

-Yes!

0:16:050:16:07

Final few strides. Curry King, Patented...

0:16:070:16:09

Can't be separated as they cross the line together...

0:16:090:16:12

-Come on, yes, yes!

-Desperately tight...

0:16:120:16:14

-But it's Patented the winner.

-Yeah! Patented! Yeah!

0:16:140:16:17

Yeah, man! Patented!

0:16:170:16:19

Patented!

0:16:190:16:21

Pat and Ted.

0:16:210:16:24

Yeah, man.

0:16:240:16:25

Yeah, man!

0:16:250:16:27

Patented.

0:16:270:16:29

Yeah, man!

0:16:290:16:31

What?

0:16:310:16:32

Oh...

0:16:350:16:36

You can have the drying on the house,

0:16:480:16:50

add it to the maintenance you never pay me.

0:16:500:16:52

And when I slip into my pants I'll remember you.

0:16:520:16:56

I really missed you, Kaz.

0:17:000:17:02

-You always end up hurting me, Mitch.

-I used to.

0:17:040:17:07

Hey, look, can I come for a cup of tea, eh?

0:17:110:17:14

It's going to be freezing in the van tonight.

0:17:140:17:17

No strings.

0:17:190:17:20

Oh, look who it is.

0:17:230:17:24

The Invisible Man...

0:17:240:17:26

Mother, punters need Rubies.

0:17:260:17:28

So, what went down, then?

0:17:360:17:38

Maguire's gone. Everything's sweet.

0:17:380:17:41

It's over.

0:17:410:17:42

So just go home, go home to your missus, go home to your little girl.

0:17:420:17:47

Go enjoy the rest of your life like I'm doing.

0:17:470:17:49

-Nice shirt.

-Ah, thank you.

0:17:580:18:00

-What's that? Curry and chips?

-Yep, and a drink, all for six jib.

0:18:000:18:03

Sounds good. Fancy it?

0:18:030:18:05

-Sure, why not.

-I'll grab us a table.

0:18:050:18:07

-You all right?

-Hiya.

0:18:130:18:15

Can I get you a drink? Sure, yeah, white wine, please.

0:18:160:18:20

Here you go...

0:18:200:18:21

Thanks.

0:18:230:18:24

All right.

0:18:260:18:27

-What can I get ya? Couple of curries?

-Yeah, yeah, please.

0:18:280:18:31

-That'd be good.

-All right. You get your drinks at the bar.

0:18:310:18:34

Still a white wine?

0:18:340:18:36

Yeah.

0:18:360:18:37

Oh, I've already got one, thanks.

0:18:370:18:39

Oh, right, oh.

0:18:390:18:40

Jack, have you met my ex, Mel?

0:18:400:18:43

Yeah, yeah, I have, yeah.

0:18:430:18:45

Got to hand it to you, Mother, you and Mas, you've cooked up a winner.

0:18:570:19:02

-Everyone loves a curry night.

-I know. Look at 'em, look.

0:19:020:19:05

They can't get enough of it.

0:19:050:19:06

And we did all of that

0:19:060:19:08

without serving it in a flowerpot or on a slate.

0:19:080:19:11

Luck, innit, eh?

0:19:110:19:14

I was just about to send out a search party.

0:19:150:19:18

I had a few late washes that needed finishing.

0:19:180:19:20

-Pizzas?

-Yeah, I thought I'd treat us all to dinner.

0:19:200:19:24

-Seriously?

-Keanu, love...

-One day, Mum.

0:19:250:19:27

-You couldn't even do one day.

-You don't have to be like this...

0:19:270:19:30

-I don't want to hear it.

-Mum, why is he even here?

0:19:300:19:33

Not to cause trouble.

0:19:330:19:35

That's a new one.

0:19:350:19:37

Yeah, and he ain't eaten today.

0:19:370:19:39

Look, he's just popped in for a cup of tea

0:19:390:19:41

and a bit of pizza with us all. That's...

0:19:410:19:43

So, who wants pepperoni and who wants barbecue chicken?

0:19:430:19:46

-Mum?

-Make us a cup of tea please, darling.

0:19:460:19:48

You, erm, you need to leave.

0:19:500:19:52

Actually, I was going to ask your mum if I could stay the night.

0:19:520:19:54

-Here we go.

-Just one night, two tops.

0:19:540:19:57

-No...

-I mean, I can sleep down here.

-I sleep in here.

0:19:570:20:01

-I'm sure we could sort something out, eh?

-No, I'm sure we can't.

0:20:010:20:04

No, come on, I think it's just best you leave, yeah?

0:20:040:20:08

A pot of tea and a pizza, guys. Hmm?

0:20:080:20:10

And a chance to find out what you've been up to all this time?

0:20:100:20:14

All of you...

0:20:140:20:15

I changed your nappies, put a roof over your head.

0:20:150:20:18

Loved you all the same.

0:20:180:20:20

I'm asking for one chance.

0:20:200:20:22

Mum said she wants you to leave.

0:20:220:20:25

All right, Son.

0:20:280:20:29

Fair enough.

0:20:290:20:30

It's a stuffed crust.

0:20:320:20:34

Well, I never thought I'd be sat in here with you again.

0:20:440:20:47

You and me both.

0:20:470:20:49

That's what I learnt in New Zealand.

0:20:490:20:50

It's all about new opportunities and being ready to seize them.

0:20:500:20:53

And what opportunities can you steer my way, Ian?

0:20:530:20:56

-Because that's why I'm here.

-Here you go.

0:20:560:20:58

Here is a list of registered tradesmen,

0:20:580:21:00

all approved by the Walford Commerce group.

0:21:000:21:02

Reliable and good value for money.

0:21:020:21:04

Still the same old Ian, saving the pennies.

0:21:040:21:06

Well, it's good business to look for deals,

0:21:060:21:08

and as for the same old Ian, no.

0:21:080:21:10

Is that right?

0:21:100:21:12

Yeah. You never get anywhere in life if you stand still.

0:21:120:21:16

You have to keep moving forward. The past is in the past.

0:21:160:21:19

-It's what's ahead of you.

-And what's ahead of you, Ian?

0:21:190:21:22

Grub's up.

0:21:240:21:25

Where's my curry?

0:21:280:21:30

Well, the chef told me to say that he's aware that you don't like curry

0:21:300:21:34

but he thought you might like this...

0:21:340:21:36

Seems like my curry's a hit again, how does that make you feel, Beale.

0:21:380:21:42

It's about your level, ain't it? Pub grub.

0:21:420:21:43

Right, turn it in, the pair of you. Mas, kitchen, please.

0:21:430:21:46

And you call these chips? I've seen crispier lettuce leaves.

0:21:460:21:49

I made the limp ones especially for you, make you feel at home.

0:21:490:21:51

-Mas, kitchen.

-Ian, sit down.

0:21:510:21:53

I'll give you your money back, Ian, all right?

0:21:530:21:56

-I want an apology from you.

-You can whistle for that.

-Yeah?

0:21:560:21:59

Oi.

0:21:590:22:00

This was a brand-new shirt and it's ruined.

0:22:000:22:03

You are going to pay for it.

0:22:030:22:05

Had to get lairy, didn't it?

0:22:170:22:18

It wouldn't be our boozer if it didn't.

0:22:180:22:21

Listen, have a chat with that geezer down at the meat wagon.

0:22:210:22:24

-Why?

-Tell him we'll have his off-cuts every week.

0:22:240:22:27

Them tills are rammo.

0:22:270:22:29

Um, I don't think, you know,

0:22:290:22:32

-he'll be able to do the same deal again.

-Here you go, Ian.

0:22:320:22:34

It's money for old rope, ain't it, we can't let this go.

0:22:340:22:36

-We might have to.

-Why?

0:22:360:22:38

What have you done?

0:22:410:22:43

What's in the curry, Mother?

0:22:430:22:45

Well, let's just say it won't be running

0:22:470:22:49

in the 4.30 at Kempton tomorrow.

0:22:490:22:52

Tonight couldn't have gone any better.

0:22:520:22:54

I mean look at the place, top night, us back doing what we do best.

0:22:540:22:57

-Yeah, they don't need to know about the offcuts.

-Exactly.

0:22:570:23:00

I should never have doubted you.

0:23:000:23:02

It'll teach me to look a gift horse in the mouth.

0:23:020:23:04

So, I've got us fish and chips as I was running late.

0:23:150:23:19

You all right?

0:23:220:23:24

Patrick?

0:23:260:23:28

I didn't look at the odds.

0:23:310:23:33

What?

0:23:350:23:36

It wasn't 6:1 as Bernadette said.

0:23:380:23:41

It was...

0:23:430:23:44

..66:1.

0:23:460:23:49

£3,300.

0:23:520:24:00

You won three grand?

0:24:000:24:06

Destiny, woman!

0:24:060:24:09

You know what this means, don't ya?

0:24:100:24:13

-Yeah, I can go and see my...

-Get a new sofa!

0:24:130:24:16

What?

0:24:170:24:18

You've done the right thing, Mum.

0:24:220:24:25

He's given you nothing but grief.

0:24:370:24:39

Why would he be different this time?

0:24:390:24:41

-Night-night, sweetheart.

-Night-night.

0:24:460:24:49

MESSAGE BEEPS

0:25:030:25:05

MESSAGE BEEPS

0:25:100:25:12

Oi, oi, I know it's late,

0:25:280:25:30

but you haven't got any of that curry left, have you?

0:25:300:25:32

-Yeah, I'm sure I can rustle some up for you.

-Blinding. I'm starving.

0:25:320:25:36

I could eat an horse.

0:25:360:25:38

See, the old Ian, he would be stressing about all this...

0:25:430:25:46

-You could say it's an improvement.

-HE MURMURS

0:25:460:25:50

The new me, no, I wake up every morning now, thinking positive,

0:25:500:25:53

-ready to take on anything.

-Even having curry thrown over you?

0:25:530:25:56

Yeah, even that.

0:25:560:25:58

I mean, Masood kicking off,

0:25:580:25:59

everyone stuffing their faces full of curry...

0:25:590:26:01

It just proves I was right about the whole samosa thing

0:26:010:26:04

and securing the intellectual property rights for the chippy.

0:26:040:26:06

I knew today was going to be a good day, OK.

0:26:060:26:10

I could feel it.

0:26:100:26:12

Can you feel it?

0:26:130:26:14

So, what happened to not looking back?

0:26:150:26:18

The past, the present, the future...

0:26:190:26:21

It's what we make of it.

0:26:210:26:22

THEY GIGGLE

0:26:480:26:51