15/03/2018 EastEnders

-WHISPERING:

-I'll give you a call later, yeah?

-Yes. Now, off you go.

-Can I have a kiss before I go?

-No, just...just go!

No, just...

Unbelievable.

Keanu, let me explain.

You lied to me, Mum.

DOOR SLAMS

How did I know this would happen?

Because it was meant to happen.

Like we were meant to happen.

-Everything happens for a reason, baby.

-No, you've got to go.

No.

No. This is the universe telling us that

we shouldn't be doing it like this.

We're not kids.

Right, breakfast! Where do you keep your eggs?

You all right?

Yes, thanks.

It's opening night soon, yeah? How's Hunter?

Yeah, settling in.

Good. Good, I'll leave you to it, then.

Cheers.

Oh, and let me know if you change your mind.

About what?

Backing off.

Oh, the builders are coming in next week to take that wall down.

Did you get that?

-Ian...

-Hmm?

Can you explain to me how taking Mel Owen out last night

fits in with all this "dispensing of the past" nonsense?

Oh, it's not nonsense.

Well, the proof's in the pudding, isn't it?

I mean, everything I've been through these last couple of years,

I should be depressed, self-sabotaging, suicidal,

but I'm not.

My eyes are focused firmly forward.

The past is behind me. It's all about the now.

And you said this to Mel last night, did you?

Well, she's not come back here by accident.

-Something's drawn her here.

-Oh, yeah? What's that, then?

I'm going to marry her.

-Again?

-Yeah, properly this time.

But you're still married to Jane!

Legally, yes,

-but in every other respect, no.

-Is Mel aware of this?

Not yet.

But when I've made my mind up about something,

I mean, harnessing the power of now, once I've made my mind up,

I make it happen.

Oh, Ian...

Dump that anxiety, Mum, won't do you any good.

SHE SIGHS

So how was your date with Mr Chips?

How many more times? It wasn't a date.

TEXT MESSAGE ALERT

Oh, look what you've done now - you've summoned him.

What is it? Picture message?

Shouldn't you be at school?

Who's that?

Oh, nobody.

-No sign of wedding bells again, then?

-In his dreams.

He's still the same little immature weasel he was when I first met him.

I still can't believe that you were married to him.

Maybe you should give it another go and see if...

Licensing bloke's here.

Mum, think of all the free fish and chips.

School, now!

-Billy...

-Yeah?

..which one's Ronnie again?

That one.

Why'd you ask?

Just curious.

Listen...

..would you take that over to Jack Branning?

It's probably not important, but you never know.

-All right.

-Cheers.

TEXT MESSAGE ALERT

Listen, we need to talk about Masood and the chippie, OK?

So will you pop in later?

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, sure.

-Are you all right?

-Yeah.

Every setback is the foothold for your next endeavour.

-Right.

-KNOCK AT DOOR

Oh, thanks.

Oh.

Oh, yeah. What have you been buying yourself?

You'll see...

..later.

Hey.

-What are you doing here?

-I'm making you breakfast.

-Where's Mum?

-Ah, she's sorting out your big brother.

You ever tasted my French toast, hm?

Hm?

What's the matter, son? You don't seem happy to see me.

-Did you stay here last night?

-Keanu, please.

What if I promise he won't be here tonight?

What, like you promised he wouldn't be here last night, you mean?

-Where you going, son? I'm making us breakfast.

-I am NOT your son.

-Mum!

Oh, for God's sake.

There's a tide, son, sweeping us along.

Catch a wave, you're king of the world.

DOOR CLOSES

But that brother of yours...

..sadly...

So...

..which way you going to swim?

Are you with me or against me?

Hm?

HE SIGHS

Are we out of milk?

Hm? Oh, yeah, sorry, it's my fault.

I've just had an e-mail from Kush.

He's not going to be back till next week at the earliest now.

-Oh, dear. Why?

-I don't know.

I'm guessing that his brother's marriage is still

firmly on the rocks.

You are going to miss him.

I'll live.

-While I've got you...

-Hm?

..why have you been researching flights to Trinidad?

-Ah...

-Is this what your windfall's going on?

I thought we were going to get a new three piece suite?

-You mean you did.

-Oh, come on, it's like you go every year...

-So?

So, it's just...

It... I don't know. It feels like a little bit...

-..selfish.

-Pardon?

-Well, it's your money.

-Oh, there's no need for that.

Look, a trip to Trinidad, that's going to last a fortnight.

Whereas a new three piece suite, that can last us a lifetime.

Oh, come on, there's nothing wrong at all with that.

Oh, right. You are joking.

Where are you going?

I'm going to get milk.

Unless that's not sensible enough for you.

-We'll talk about this when you get back, yeah?

-Ah!

DOOR CLOSES

Mm, this is lovely.

French toast is my signature dish, darling.

His only dish, more like.

He ain't answering.

Well, if he only knew what he were missing, eh?

Well, I'm going to have to pop round there, have a word.

No, no, no, no. It's me he's got the problem with.

It's only right I sort it out. Argh.

There's no time like the present, is there?

You ain't going to ruck with him, are you?

Ruck? When did Mitch Baker ever ruck?

I'm too diplomatic, darling, you know that.

That's my problem. But first, I've got to...

..answer the call of nature.

Don't worry, I'll open the windows.

Oh.

Erm...

..why isn't there a sofa in this flat?

Look, I know what you're both thinking.

And, you know, it's not a permanent arrangement.

I mean, it's not like he's moving in or anything, you know.

So you've got nothing to worry about.

Who's worried? Especially if we're getting this for brekkie every day.

Keegan?

Seems all right.

Hey, that's a lot of scratchcards.

-Any luck?

-No.

Anybody ever tell you that gambling is the road to perdition?

You won't tell Ted, will you?

Are you OK?

No, I just feel a bit of a fool, you know?

Like I can afford to waste ten quid on scratchcards.

Will Ted be coming down to the allotment later?

-I doubt it, love.

-Why, what's the matter with him?

He's just a bit off colour.

If he's like you say he is, he'll be gone in a couple of days, won't he?

And who's going to be the one clearing up the mess?

Has he ever hit you?

No.

-What about your mum?

-No.

Did he ever got drunk and smash the gaff up?

No.

So what are you moaning about, then?

Hey.

Can I have a quick word with Keanu?

As long as you don't stop him from working.

All right, look, you got a problem with me.

I understand that.

Yeah, you may be able to fool Mum, but you can't fool me.

-What are you frightened of, son?

-Nah, I'm not frightened.

Certainly not of you.

I know my failings, son.

Do NOT call me your son.

But like I said yesterday, the universe has brought me

here for a reason.

Quit with the airy fairy cobblers, yeah?

-Me and your mum have got a strong connection, boy.

-Oh, please.

-Yeah, we're like magnets.

-Oh, give me a break.

This time next week, you'll be gone,

leaving her in pieces,

and we'll be the ones picking her back up again -

not you.

So jog on.

Is it me you're really angry with?

-You hear from your dad lately?

-Drop dead.

That'd be a "no" then.

Completely different situation.

Him and Mum were never a proper couple from the start,

so don't go dumping all this on him.

-Look, I didn't know my old man either.

-Yeah, I think you're

-mixing me up with someone who gives a damn.

-Yeah, but your brother,

-he might feel different.

-Cos he hasn't seen through you yet.

-Look,

look, you don't need me, yeah? I get it.

But Keegan might.

And for me to make it up to him, you need to give me a chance, boy.

But that's down to you, yeah?

You're your own man.

Nice speaking to you, son.

DOOR CLOSES

Never had you down as a reader, Ian.

Ordered it yesterday, came today. Brilliant.

Oh, yeah? Let's have a pipe, go on.

Looks like one of them...

..snake oil salesman to me.

That, my dear Michael, is where you are wrong.

OK, you are trapped in negative thinking.

OK? Adopt a positive attitude and anything's possible.

Look, I'm living proof of that.

-Oh, yeah?

-Yeah, I mean...

I was dreading coming home, OK, and then,

I read an article by this bloke on the plane,

and it all made sense.

That dread that I was feeling in my head,

it's only in my head.

It's not out there in the real world.

The only thing holding me back was me.

Change your attitude, change your life.

Now...there's nothing I can't do.

Well, in that case, why don't you whack your name down for this?

Cos so far, I ain't got any takers.

Not really my sort of thing.

What happened to "nothing I can't do"?

Is that a challenge?

Well, what're you going to do, eh? Bird impressions?

You going to do the old... the old Limbo?

Put my name down.

No, Ian, listen, I'm only joking.

I don't want see you make yourself look like a plum.

PHONE RINGS

Yes, Mum? Yeah. All right, all right.

Hold on, hold on.

Look, if it means that much to you...

..give him his job back, OK?

Yes.

Look, I've got more important things to worry about.

I'll catch you later, yeah? All right, Bye.

Michael, put my name down and, afterwards, you will be amazed.

Hark at him. Look.

Lovely.

Hello?

Yeah, Joyce, I was wondering if Ted fancied a visit.

Oh, like I said this morning, he's a bit under the weather, Patrick.

I am sorry.

Well, let me in now, man. I've brought a bit of Caribbean sunshine.

It's not a good idea.

I've some rum in my pocket.

Hang on.

Wait there.

-What, is he ill?

-Sort of.

-Well, what do you mean?

-Well, it's not something

-I can talk about out here.

-Well, then let me in.

I can't really do that either.

I tell you what,

why don't I meet you down the cafe in say...

-..15 minutes?

-Can't you give me a clue?

In the cafe.

Go on. I'll make an excuse.

See you.

Yeah, he's got a bit of a stubborn streak, that one.

Rule number one - you do not slag off my kids.

I'm not slagging him off.

I like the boy.

And you're going to have to sleep somewhere else tonight,

-you do realise that?

-Oh, don't do me that!

Last night was so good.

Too bad.

Keanu comes first.

You know, he's got it in his head that I'm this bad man.

Cos you are.

Not as bad as some.

What do you mean?

Keanu doesn't know yet, does he?

No-one round here knows.

I thought we'd agreed that you'd tell him when he gets to 18.

Yeah, and then you went and slung your hook,

and I couldn't handle it on my own.

Well, you're not on your own now, are you? Put yourself in his shoes.

-Wouldn't you want to know?

-Actually, no...

-No, I don't think I would.

-Well, suppose he finds out some other way?

Look, I could tell him, but he'd never buy that.

But coming from you...

Listen, I didn't say this wasn't going to be hard.

Yeah? But the longer we take...

Look at me.

You want this thing to work, this time round, yeah?

Well, it means that we all have to be honest with each other.

Just take him out for a drink.

Break it to him gently.

You know, show him that he's loved.

Why did you have to come back?

Maybe for this very reason.

"Depressed"? But he was perfectly OK yesterday.

Well, he's very good at putting on an act, love,

until the moment comes when he can't.

Yeah, but surely if I pop round with the chessboard

and a drop of rum it's going to be all right.

Love, once he gets in this state...

..he just refuses point blank to see anyone.

It'll be a waste of time, Patrick.

But what brings it on?

Well, we wanted to go to Australia this year.

He had his heart set on it and...

..we were saving and saving.

It's very difficult to do that on a pension, y'know.

And then suddenly a bill comes out of the blue

unexpectedly, like it did this morning and, well...

And he so wanted to fix things, you know.

Whilst there's still time.

-With your son?

-Mm.

So that's what the scratchcards were all about, hm?

-Well, that was a bit stupid, wasn't it?

-Yeah.

THEY LAUGH

See, things you do when you're desperate.

-Is there anything at all I can do?

-No, love.

Just don't talk to anyone about this.

He'd hate to think that we were gossiping about him.

-Course not.

-I'd better go.

I only said I was popping out for tea bags.

Oh, thank you, Patrick.

-Thanks, love.

-It's OK.

KNOCK AT DOOR

Come in. Oh, hi.

Just passing on my way to pick up the kids from school.

Oh, surely your nanny does that?

Not all the time.

Listen, I just wanted to say thanks...

..you know, for sending Billy over with the letter.

Was it important?

No, not really, but it was kind of you.

It's no problem.

Listen, the Vic's having an open mic tomorrow night.

-Oh, yeah?

-Yeah, chances are I'll be dropping by, if you fancy it.

I'll probably be too tired.

-Just a thought.

-KNOCK AT DOOR

We need a gas safety certificate, apparently.

-All right, Bill?

-Yeah, yeah.

-Not interrupting anything, am I?

-No, no. I'm just going.

-See you later.

-See you.

What?

I ain't said nothing!

Look, what I was going to say was...

Well, it hasn't been that long, you know, since Ronnie...

And it ain't been that long since you got this job, has it?

No.

Where did it come from?

Ask me no questions, I'll tell you no lies.

-Right, I'm going to the pub to see your brother.

-Yeah.

Get him a pint on me, yeah?

Ta. I'm dreading this.

Do you know what you're going to say?

Not a Scooby.

-I'll think of something.

-All right.

Mm!

What was all that about?

Nothing for you to worry about, my son.

Right...

..where are the biscuits?

Ah-ha!

-Yeah, that's Mum's.

-So?

So you don't mess with her emergency stash.

I just gave her 20 quid! She can buy another one.

Want some?

Hm? Hm? Hm? Hm?

Come on.

Life is for the living!

I'll clear it with Mum later.

Go on.

Yeah!

THEY LAUGH

Yeah.

DOOR CLOSES

-Hiya.

-Hiya.

Did you put that money in the bank?

Oh, Patrick.

I just never get round to it.

It's all right, it's perfectly safe.

-Uh-huh?

-Why are you looking at me like that for?

I'm just wondering if there's something you want to say to me,

that's all.

You want to talk about the three piece suite, huh?

-Patrick.

-What?

If you're going to ogle pretty young women in their swimsuits over the

internet, you'd do as well to clear your search history afterwards.

That's all I'm saying.

Miss Trinidad and Tobago 1963.

Oh, it's all coming back to you now, is it?

Oh, come on, there was a reason for that, you know.

And who on Earth is Chaconia?

What the devil have you done, huh?

Well, if you don't want me to know about her,

you shouldn't have left her face up on the flaming screen.

Look, I'm going to have a shower and change my clothes, all right?

I'm not going to let this drop, Patrick!

DOOR CLOSES

-You can't make me like him, Mum.

-You're not giving him a chance.

Of course he's being the nice guy now.

He's worming his way in again, ain't he?

-You know what's going to happen.

-Not necessarily.

-He's got form, Mum.

-I'm not saying he's perfect.

Remember what happened last time he left, huh?

What it did to you? How you ended up?

This isn't about me. I'm thinking of you.

It's not even Mitch I want to talk about.

-Go on.

-It's about your own dad.

What about him?

Oh, I get it. This is where you slag off some bloke

-I hardly knew just to make that slimeball look good.

-No.

Oh, come on, Mum, he put you up to this, didn't he?

-No.

-Don't insult my intelligence. He must have done. Well?

All right, all right. We discussed it, yes.

That's all I needed to know.

Keanu, please, I beg you...

You're being played here, Mum, and you can't even see it.

I'll be sleeping at Jay's tonight.

Let me know when he's gone.

-What, Ian's going to do a turn?

-I was only winding him up.

-I didn't think he'd take me up on it.

-So what's he going to do?

Well, that's what everyone's been asking.

Apart from making a total prat of himself.

It'll get the punters in, won't it?

No-one's going to want to miss that. Spread the word, Phil.

Spread the word.

So we fill this football with concrete, right?

Put it at the front of the houses. The kids,

they come home from school, getting ready to chuck more stones at us,

yeah? This big kid, he sees the ball and reckons he's going to put

one of the windows out. Does the run up...

..bam! Looks down, his foot's facing the wrong way.

He opened his mouth to scream and nothing came out.

He just had bogie in his nose, he had tears in his eyes...

All right, Kaz?

Not really.

Sorry, we ate your chocolate.

Guys, you nip out to the shops,

-yeah, you can get your mum another bar.

-Don't need two of us.

-I need to talk to your mum.

-Well, let him do it.

I'm going to my room.

There you go, son. Don't rush back.

Is there a problem here?

No, look, don't argue, please. Just take that.

Get something for yourself.

I take it it didn't go too well, then?

All right, all right, all right.

-What did you say, huh?

-Nothing. He wouldn't let me.

Just storms off, says he's going to stay with Jay from now on.

You're kidding me.

It's all your fault.

-You know, why did you have to come back?

-It's all right.

Don't.

Right.

Right, right, right. So I've been putting two and two together.

This Chaconia that you've been chatting with,

was she Miss Trinidad and Tobago 1963 by any chance?

No.

Oh, so she was one of the other contestants, then?

No.

So explain.

Look, I....

Look, I've known Renee de Boyne since she was in pigtails...

Hang on.

Renee de Boyne? I thought her name was Chaconia?

No, Chaconia is the national flowers of Trinidad and Tobago.

It's the name she uses on the internet.

Go on.

Look, she was...

She was supposed to be one of the other contestants...

..only she got disqualified.

How come?

She was found engaging in what the local call...

..immoral congress.

Look now, man...

We were young and crazy about each another, you know.

Till she father found out.

Presbyterian Pastor.

I mean, I tell you, all hell let loose.

I never saw her again till...

..till last week when I got a message from her.

Along with...

..with...

..this photo.

She kept it all these years.

-She's gorgeous.

-Yeah.

And so are you for that matter.

You know, it's like the last 55 years never happened.

Turns out we are still in love.

We want to get married.

Yeah.

This always happens to me.

You know, I do something with the best intentions,

and it ends up like this.

No, I'm not blaming you.

Yes, you were, you said it was all my fault.

No, if it's anyone's fault, it's my fault.

You know, I should've told him years ago.

Maybe...

..but we are where we are, right?

-I should leave.

-No!

Look, if you want Keanu back, that's the quickest way of doing it.

I mean, he'll be happy, cos he would've won.

No, what about Keegan? Bernie? I mean, how will they take it?

They've got over me before, they can get over it again.

No. No, there must be another way.

-All right, I'll go and see him now.

-And say what?

Well, tell him what you were going to tell him.

-He won't even let you in the door.

-Well, I'll stick to the facts.

-Which ones?

-All right, I'll sugar coat it, you know.

Break it to him gently.

So how're you going to do that?

The man, he tried to stab me to death, y'know.

He put me in intensive care!

Look, he don't want to know all of that.

All right? I'll just tell him he weren't right in his head.

That he didn't know what he was doing.

He knew exactly what he was doing. That's why he got life.

No, Keanu don't need to know that!

All right, so we just leave him in the dark?

Yeah.

FLOORBOARDS CREAK

Keegan? Is that you?

-Yeah.

-Don't say nothing to him. Promise?

Scout's honour.

-Hey.

-All right?

It's all right, son, me and your mum sorted it out.

-Haven't we, Kaz?

-Yeah.

Well, give her the chocolate before she collapses.

I'll... I'll leave you two to it, yeah?

-No, you don't have to go, son.

-No.

-Come on, stay with us.

I've got stuff to do anyway.

MUFFLED: I'm sorry, but this can't get out.

He can never know what his dad did to me.