16/03/2018 EastEnders


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16/03/2018

Keegan is stunned when he hears a shocking truth about the past. Patrick tries to get Ted to open up.


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Transcript


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"The dynamic individual forges his own future.

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"Don't be swayed by the shallow... judgementalism of others."

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Ian...

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what's a bag of barbecue coals doing by the back door?

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Might fancy a barbecue.

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In March? Yeah, and what's this I hear about you doing

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a turn at the Vic's open mic night tonight?

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-OK? Who've you been talking to?

-Well, is it true?

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-Might be.

-I hope you're not going to sing.

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Mum, thanks for your support.

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Well, you're not, are ya?

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Not stand-up. Promise me you're not doing stand-up.

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-TV:

-A duty policeman has spoken of the dramatic moment

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he tried to save a motorbike rider...

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What're you doing on your day off?

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Watching my favourite telly programmes.

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Oh, not all that Police Camera cobblers, is it?

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And Ambulances - Do Not Disturb.

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Waste of time. Why don't you go up London?

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Because if I go too far from here, I know you lot'll mess it up.

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All right, well, no more horse meat or I'll have to iron you out...

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-Shut up!

-Get up there.

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..burst into a shop front while trying to avoid a speeding car.

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Ian? On stage?

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Yeah, according to Phil who got it from Mick who got

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it from the horse's mouth.

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-What's he any good at?

-Well, Phil's counting on him

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dancing The Sugar Plum Fairy in a tutu with a kipper on his head.

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THEY CHUCKLE

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-You going?

-Is the Pope a Catholic?

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Here's someone who won't want to miss it.

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What's that?

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He'll explain. I've got to dash.

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Got to see an electrician.

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It's open mic night at the Vic.

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Told you yesterday.

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And I seem to remember saying I'd be too tired.

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And if I told you that Ian was doing a turn?

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Ooh, is that supposed to be an inducement?

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Just a thought.

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I'll probably be washing my hair. Sorry.

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HE SIGHS

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Cup of tea when you're ready, please.

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All right, babe?

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I'm going to go speak to him now.

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I just want him home.

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Look, he'll only blank you again.

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But Chatham and Riley are back tonight.

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I mean, what am I going to tell 'em

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when they ask where their brother is?

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Look, it's me he's got the problem with.

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It's only right that I sort this out, OK?

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Now go and get dressed.

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But how?

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I'll think of something.

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Hey, all right, son?

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What's the matter?

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I heard you.

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-Heard what?

-Last night.

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Something about Keanu's dad.

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Are we having French toast again?

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Er, actually no.

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You kids have been so good to me

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I've decided to take you all out to breakfast, one at a time!

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Keegan today, you tomorrow, Chatham and Riley the day after,

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just so we can get to know each other, y'know?

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Why does he get to go first?

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Because he was up first, all right? I'll get me coat.

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-Oh. Morning.

-Morning.

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Shouldn't you have been at work by now?

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-I've pulled a sickie.

-Why?

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Because I love you, Patrick, and I'm not going to sit on my hands

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and watch you make a complete idiot of yourself.

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We have had this conversation.

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I get the teenage love thing,

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y'know, when it was pure, when it was innocent.

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Wasn't that innocent!

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You know, it's like "the one that got away", yeah, I get that, too.

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I'm sure she's, like, y'know... she's a lovely person,

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but marrying her? Living in the same house?

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With a woman that you haven't seen in the flesh for like,

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55 years?

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She is the love of me life.

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Eh? I thought that was Yolande? And what about Audrey?

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No, no, no, no... She is a special one.

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Ah...

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Right.

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OK.

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So you're going to go all the way out there

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and marry her on the basis of what?

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A couple of weeks' worth of online chat messages?

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We have a spiritual connection.

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That...that has got to come from her, innit?

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Why would you say that?

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Because in all the years that I have known you, Patrick,

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I have never once heard you use the word "spiritual".

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Yeah, well, maybe she is changing me.

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Maybe she's bringing things out in me

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that I just didn't know was there.

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-Oh.

-Yeah...

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And you've spoken to her?

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I mean, like, face-to-face?

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-Of course not.

-What's stopping ya? You're both online.

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Me and the girls, we do it all the time.

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Yeah, yeah, yeah, but you know me and computers.

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Come on, Patrick, I'm not buying that one.

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If you wanted to, you would find out how.

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But I can tell you why you haven't - it's because you're scared.

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You're scared of facing the reality,

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of that little fantasy bubble bursting in your face.

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Listen to me now, man.

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She makes me happy and alive

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in a way that I have never felt since I had my stroke,

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and you're trying to take that away from me.

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When I think of the men that you've been with over the years,

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did I ever say anything at all to you?

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Well, maybe you should have.

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You might've saved me a whole load of grief.

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Oh, where are you going now?

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I'm going to get dressed before I say something I'll regret.

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Thank you. Cheers, Tina.

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Oh, look who it is. It's my little princess.

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Hi, have you missed me? Have you missed me?

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You all right?

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Yeah, I've had six missed calls from my nan this morning.

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She didn't leave a message?

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No, she does it all the time. She drives me nuts.

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You going to this?

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Doubt it. Why?

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Bex is singing and Sonia's on lates, so I've sort of got to go.

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-Oh. Good luck with that.

-Yeah.

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Ian's doing a turn.

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-SHE SCOFFS

-Yeah.

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I'll leave that one with you.

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-All right.

-Bye, princess.

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-See ya.

-See ya.

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There you go.

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-Thanks a lot.

-Two full English coming up.

-Bless you.

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So go on.

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Y'know, son, I don't think this is a good idea.

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What?

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-Can I trust you?

-Yes.

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I swear.

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Even if it upsets you?

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Dad, just...

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All right. I don't know the details.

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I'm only going from what your mum told me

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and this was a long time ago,

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but when Keanu was a baby,

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his dad tried to kill your mum.

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Stabbed her with a kitchen knife. She was lucky to live.

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-Why?

-Oh, just...

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she'd dumped him, he didn't like it.

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He was just a nasty piece of work, y'know?

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Where was Keanu and Chantelle when all this was going on?

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I told you, I don't know the details.

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And, understandably, your mum don't want to chat about it.

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So, what happened to him?

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-Who, Shane?

-That was his name?

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Yeah, well, he was arrested.

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He...pleaded guilty and then, erm...

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he went down for 12 years.

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And where is he now?

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I don't know.

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And Keanu don't know nothing?

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Your mum won't tell him.

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She keeps on bottling it.

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That's what you heard us talking about last night.

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There you are.

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Thanks a lot, darlin'.

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-Enjoy.

-Lovely.

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I'm not hungry now.

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You can imagine what this did to your mum's state of mind.

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And I tried to help her, yeah?

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But when it's repeatedly chucked back in your face,

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there's only so much a man can take, y'know?

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Is that why you left?

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Shamefully, yeah.

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Look, I don't blame your mum, y'know?

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After going through that, it's no wonder she couldn't trust a man.

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But...

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See, Keanu's got it in his head that I'm this big, bad wolf and I'm not.

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I mean, the real culprit...

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Well, you see my problem?

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So, what are you going to do now?

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I've only got two options, ain't I? Leave...

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I don't want you to leave.

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..or I could find someone he trusts to convince him

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that I'm not as bad as he thinks I am.

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I'll do it.

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Yeah?

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All right.

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This is what I want you to say...

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I...

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..I hate myself for having done this and you...

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you will probably hate me, too,

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but I didn't feel like I had any choice and I've read your messages.

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-You've done what?

-I'm glad that I did, too.

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How dare you?!

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You reckon that you're in love?

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Think you've got a "spiritual connection"?

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It is pure filth, Patrick! Talk about explicit!

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If you were 15 years old, I might just about get that...

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Look, I'm having a midlife crisis!

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You're 77!

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She makes me feel young again, all right?!

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You said exactly the same thing about Yolande!

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-Leave Yolande out of it, all right?

-OK, right.

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-I think you'd better sit down for this.

-Why?

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So, after I read the messages...

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..I put the name Renee de Boyne in a search engine

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along with the word "Trinidad".

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Got about 100 hits.

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Y-you never thought to do that for yourself?

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You know that she got divorced the back end of last year?

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Yeah, she told me.

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Oh, and did you also know that

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she'd been divorced three times before that?

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It gets worse.

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Turns out that all of her ex-husbands were Caribbean expats...

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..all living in the UK.

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I can...

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And I can show you, if you want.

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I'm sorry.

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Look, I, erm... I'm going down to the allotment.

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Yeah.

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SHE SIGHS, DOOR CLOSES

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Mum's in bits.

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He tell you to say that, did he?

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It's not fair on the rest of us.

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-Come home.

-When did I start taking orders from you?

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I'm asking you nicely.

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I'm not an idiot, Keegan.

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-I know he sent you.

-Yeah, so what if he did?

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Ain't you got school?

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What if this was your dad and I was doing this to you?

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How would you feel?

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Please?

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Yeah, all right.

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Thank you.

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Ted...

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Man, what're you doing?

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Joyce thinks I'm at the doctor's.

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But don't it hurt?

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No! That's the whole point.

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Robbie, where do you see yourself in this world?

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Are you a success?

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-Well, never really thought about it.

-Do you want to be?

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What if I was to tell you that inside you, there is a superman?

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A superman that is literally capable of anything?

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The only thing holding you back is fear.

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Now, you and me together, harnessing the power of now,

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we can overcome that fear.

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We can turn you into the man you always wanted to be.

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You up for it?

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Yeah.

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Good man.

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Now, Joyce mentioned something about Australia.

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Talking behind me back, is she?

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Only in passing.

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She said something about not being able to afford it this year.

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Doesn't help, I suppose.

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Ted, Ted.

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Look at me now, man. Look at me.

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We're friends, right? Friends talk?

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Long enough to have been at the doctor's now.

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DOOR CLOSES

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"Beautiful Bathsheba leaves nothing to the imagination as

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"she strips naked to flaunt her phenomenal frame for the cameras."

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Is this what they call news nowadays?

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It must have gone half past by now.

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Look, Kee said he'll come, so he'll come, all right?

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I mean, who wants a robot woman like that, eh?

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When they've got a real woman like you at home? Come here.

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-DOOR OPENS

-Shh. Shh.

-Hello?

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So you've come.

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Fantastic.

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Proud of you, son.

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Now all you have to do is apologise and we can put this all behind us.

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I'm sorry for being a prat.

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-Can I come home?

-You don't really have to apologise, boy.

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Course you can! Come here.

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Hey, stop that.

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You'll get me crying next.

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Now look what you made me do.

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Give me a sec.

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I'm doing this for Mum, not you.

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We're going to be one happy family.

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We both know you're going to mess this up at some point.

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So why don't you do us all a favour and just leave now?

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DOOR CLOSES

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-Hi.

-All right?

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Yeah, I'm worried about Ted, though.

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-What's the matter with him?

-He...

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HE SIGHS

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Best not.

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He'd hate being talked about.

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And you?

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What's there to say?

0:15:260:15:27

I've been a damned fool.

0:15:280:15:31

No, don't beat yourself up.

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What you felt, it was... true, for you.

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At the time.

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Listen, I've been thinking.

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You can still go to Trinidad.

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Only now, you're armed with what you know.

0:15:470:15:51

-Yeah...

-And who knows, y'know, maybe she might...

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..she might turn out to be the real deal, y'know, after all.

0:15:550:16:00

Forget Trinidad, all right?

0:16:000:16:01

We'll get the three-piece suite.

0:16:030:16:06

I need a shower.

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Evening, Mick.

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What's there two of you now?

0:16:140:16:16

Yeah, we need to use your bathroom so we can get changed.

0:16:160:16:18

Bit early, in't ya? We don't kick off for ages.

0:16:180:16:22

Robbie's got to mentally prepare.

0:16:220:16:24

What's with the fire extinguisher?

0:16:240:16:26

Oi!

0:16:280:16:29

What's he doing?

0:16:340:16:36

He's jumping to a thousand.

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And when he gets to a thousand, he starts again.

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Does it most nights.

0:16:400:16:42

Would you like to hold him?

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Not right now, son, if you don't mind.

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-Is it always like this, then?

-Yeah, pretty much.

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SHE HUMS You've got a good voice...

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Voice...

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This is what you wanted.

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One big, happy family.

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Who's hungry?

0:17:010:17:02

Why don't you give it to the man of the house?

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He's been working all day.

0:17:040:17:06

Hang on, everyone. Shh!

0:17:060:17:07

-MUFFLED:

-Well, did you?!

-Bernie, shut up.

0:17:070:17:10

Did you, or did you not go to the doctor's?

0:17:100:17:12

You said I don't understand?!

0:17:120:17:14

How can I ever understand when you won't even talk to me?!

0:17:140:17:18

Did you or did you not go to the doctor's?!

0:17:180:17:21

Don't you dare walk away from me!

0:17:210:17:24

-Explain the mud on your shoes!

-Ted and Joyce from the Towers.

0:17:240:17:26

-Really?

-She don't sound happy.

-Shouldn't we do something?

0:17:260:17:29

Nah.

0:17:290:17:30

-Where are you going?

-I don't know. Out!

0:17:300:17:33

DOOR SLAMS

0:17:330:17:35

As you were.

0:17:350:17:36

Here, chicken nuggets and chips.

0:17:380:17:40

-You want some sauce with that?

-OK.

0:17:410:17:44

Glad to be home?

0:17:440:17:45

Oh, you've been a long time.

0:17:500:17:53

Fancy a rum?

0:17:530:17:54

OK, look, look, look...

0:18:000:18:01

I've had another idea.

0:18:030:18:05

Why don't we both go to Trinidad?

0:18:050:18:08

And you can check out that Renee and, y'know, if it doesn't work out,

0:18:080:18:12

then it's not the end of the world because we're still on holiday.

0:18:120:18:16

Will you stop trying to make me feel better?

0:18:160:18:18

We're getting the three-piece suite and that is the end of it,

0:18:180:18:21

all right?!

0:18:210:18:23

DOORBELL RINGS

0:18:230:18:24

Joyce.

0:18:310:18:32

Ted swears blind he went to the doctor today, but I know he didn't.

0:18:320:18:35

He's come back, no prescription, nothing.

0:18:350:18:37

And the doctor - amazingly - has told him to

0:18:370:18:40

"go home, take a few days rest and come back in a fortnight".

0:18:400:18:44

And that - if you'll excuse my French - is total cobblers.

0:18:440:18:48

Now I've got a feeling that he has been sagging it with you

0:18:480:18:52

down the allotment. Has he?

0:18:520:18:53

Don't diminish yourself by lying to me, Patrick.

0:18:530:18:57

He's my friend.

0:18:570:18:59

So I'll take that for a yes, then.

0:18:590:19:02

I know he's not well, but there's only so much patience...

0:19:040:19:08

I've had enough.

0:19:100:19:11

I'm going down the bingo!

0:19:130:19:14

What did she want?

0:19:240:19:25

I, erm...

0:19:270:19:28

I think I know what I'm going to do with that money.

0:19:310:19:33

ACOUSTIC GUITAR PLAYING

0:19:360:19:37

Hey, do you mind if I join you?

0:19:370:19:39

# Let me take you by the hand... #

0:19:390:19:41

I heard Ian Beale's doing a turn.

0:19:410:19:42

It's what we're all doing here.

0:19:420:19:45

# I'll show you something to make you change your mind. #

0:19:450:19:52

That was amazing, right?

0:19:580:19:59

I'm just going to go to the toilet. See you in a minute.

0:19:590:20:02

They're still in our bathroom.

0:20:050:20:07

I mean, what on earth are they doing in there?

0:20:070:20:09

Well, go and give 'em a nudge will you?

0:20:090:20:10

We've only got Shrimpy and then they're supposed to be on.

0:20:100:20:13

-You all right, Jack? Usual?

-Please.

0:20:130:20:15

You all on your own?

0:20:150:20:17

Well, I thought I was.

0:20:180:20:19

Well, well, well... What made you change your mind?

0:20:200:20:24

Morbid curiosity. Don't flatter yourself.

0:20:240:20:27

What can I get you to drink?

0:20:270:20:29

Oh, I'll sort myself out, thanks, if that's all right.

0:20:290:20:32

Dry white wine, please.

0:20:320:20:33

I, er... I wrote this for a special someone.

0:20:350:20:39

It's called Intrusion.

0:20:390:20:41

You trespass on my hopes

0:20:420:20:45

Insinuate your soul

0:20:450:20:46

Between the cracks of my broken heart...

0:20:460:20:48

KNOCKING

0:20:480:20:50

How long are you two going to be? Your public are getting restless!

0:20:500:20:52

Right, won't be long, just got to get something.

0:20:520:20:56

-Well, what?

-You'll see.

0:20:560:20:57

What?

0:21:000:21:02

The locks are picked

0:21:020:21:03

The bolts withdrawn...

0:21:030:21:04

All right? What are you doing here?

0:21:040:21:06

Well, I can't miss Ian's cabaret debut.

0:21:060:21:09

'Chelle's watching the kids.

0:21:090:21:10

How was Bex?

0:21:100:21:11

I'm her dad, ain't I? What do you want me to say?

0:21:110:21:14

Did you speak to Mo?

0:21:140:21:16

-Every time I call, it goes to voicemail, so I've given up.

-Right.

0:21:160:21:19

APPLAUSE

0:21:190:21:20

Do you want a drink?

0:21:200:21:21

No, I'm all right.

0:21:210:21:22

Stace, come on. Let me get you a drink.

0:21:220:21:25

Usual?

0:21:250:21:26

Go on, then.

0:21:270:21:29

What on earth are you doing?

0:21:330:21:35

Mick, if you could just introduce us, yeah?

0:21:350:21:37

That's a fire hazard! I'll lose me licence!

0:21:370:21:38

Hurry up, will ya? It's hot and heavy!

0:21:380:21:41

APPLAUSE

0:21:420:21:44

Didn't take her long.

0:21:470:21:48

No... No Sharon tonight?

0:21:480:21:50

Er... We're not exactly seeing eye to eye at the moment.

0:21:500:21:54

I'll have an orange juice, please.

0:21:540:21:55

Right, ladies and gentlemen. They're the...

0:21:550:21:57

hottest act in London... Er...

0:21:570:21:59

The Queen Vic welcomes Ian Beale, Robbie Jackson.

0:22:000:22:04

Turn them lights off... Yeah, come on... Hey...

0:22:040:22:06

APPLAUSE

0:22:060:22:07

MURMURING

0:22:100:22:12

MUSIC: Also Sprach Zarathustra by Richard Strauss

0:22:120:22:17

Lights, please.

0:22:170:22:18

Thank you. Erm...

0:22:200:22:22

Ladies and gentlemen, tonight,

0:22:220:22:25

harnessing the power of now, Robbie Jackson will dispense with

0:22:250:22:29

all fear and negative thoughts, and before your very eyes,

0:22:290:22:34

walk barefoot, feeling no pain,

0:22:340:22:38

across these white-hot, burning coals.

0:22:380:22:42

Robbie, are you ready?

0:22:490:22:52

Has he gone stark raving mad?

0:22:540:22:56

BUZZES

0:22:560:22:58

Ted!

0:22:580:22:59

Ted, man!

0:23:020:23:03

The light's on, so I know you're in there, y'know.

0:23:070:23:09

I'm assuming you can hear me.

0:23:140:23:15

Look, I'm putting an envelope through the door,

0:23:210:23:24

a little something for you,

0:23:240:23:26

and I want you to pick it up straightaway, yeah?

0:23:260:23:29

Just think Australia.

0:23:310:23:32

All right, I'll go. See you soon.

0:23:340:23:35

Are you ready to use the power that dwells inside all of us?

0:23:430:23:46

Then proceed.

0:23:480:23:49

MUSIC CONTINUES

0:23:520:23:53

What are you trying to do?

0:23:580:24:00

Give everybody in here carbon monoxide poisoning, you plum?

0:24:000:24:04

-LAUGHTER

-And this moron, third degree burns?

0:24:040:24:08

I knew it would all go wrong without me being down here!

0:24:080:24:11

Right now, I am going back upstairs to watch my "waste of time" telly.

0:24:110:24:15

Try not to kill anyone!

0:24:150:24:16

Ow!

0:24:160:24:17

I've got a splinter!

0:24:200:24:21

Say one thing for you, Ian - that was memorable.

0:24:210:24:23

LAUGHTER

0:24:230:24:24

DOOR CLOSES

0:24:300:24:32

TV: It's a little bit bent at the end.

0:24:320:24:34

-But again...

-How much is it marked?

-125.

-Gosh.

0:24:340:24:37

Did you speak to him?

0:24:370:24:39

No, no...

0:24:390:24:40

..but I dread to think what he's going through, though.

0:24:410:24:44

Ah. So you're going to give him all of it, then?

0:24:440:24:47

A man can take this Good Samaritan lark a little too far, you know.

0:24:470:24:50

Nah, man.

0:24:500:24:51

I kept 500 smackers for myself,

0:24:510:24:55

so you'd better get your glad rags on, baby -

0:24:550:24:57

we are going to paint the town!

0:24:570:24:59

HE CHUCKLES

0:24:590:25:00

TV IN BACKGROUND

0:25:020:25:04

PHONE CHIMES

0:25:060:25:08

Hey, thanks, baby.

0:25:210:25:22

I thought one of you was taking Bronson for a walk.

0:25:230:25:26

-His turn.

-Bernie's turn.

0:25:260:25:28

No, it ain't.

0:25:280:25:29

I'll take him out.

0:25:340:25:36

I need the exercise.

0:25:360:25:37

And while you're doing that, I'll ring Mum.

0:25:370:25:40

Ah, better not tell her I'm here, please.

0:25:400:25:42

Bound to find out sooner or later.

0:25:420:25:44

Best get it over and done with now.

0:25:440:25:46

Oi, dog!

0:25:500:25:52

Don't get lost.

0:25:530:25:55

Be such a shame if you never came back.

0:25:550:25:58

I'll be 20 minutes, all right?

0:25:580:26:00

Mum? Yeah, don't freak out when I tell you this.

0:26:000:26:04

Promise?

0:26:040:26:05

Me and Mitch is back together.

0:26:070:26:09

What? You promised you wouldn't freak out!

0:26:110:26:13

What are you doing, you mangy mutt?

0:26:150:26:17

WOOF!

0:26:230:26:24

So this is where the universe has been leading me, huh?

0:26:330:26:35

Nice.

0:26:370:26:39

Well, that was an evening that I'll never erase from the memory.

0:26:390:26:42

You going already?

0:26:420:26:43

Yeah, I've got an early start tomorrow.

0:26:430:26:46

You did very well. You barely bored me at all.

0:26:460:26:49

-All right, Jack?

-All right, mate?

0:26:490:26:51

-What happened to Stace?

-She got a phone call.

0:26:510:26:54

She had to go home. Baby-sitting troubles, I think.

0:26:540:26:57

Oh.

0:26:570:26:58

No, Mum...

0:27:000:27:02

Well, why do you always have to think the worst of him?

0:27:020:27:06

He has been a long time walking Bronson.

0:27:060:27:08

BRONSON BARKS

0:27:080:27:09

-Me charge is going in my phone, Mum.

-Hey!

-Hey...

-Bronson?!

0:27:090:27:12

He was tied up outside, the railings.

0:27:120:27:16

-Your door was open.

-How come?

0:27:160:27:18

I dunno. Anyway, he's all right, isn't he?

0:27:180:27:20

-Yeah.

-See ya.

-Cheers.

0:27:200:27:23

-Where's Mitch, eh?

-His van's gone.

0:27:230:27:25

What?

0:27:250:27:26

I don't get it.

0:27:300:27:32

-I think I do.

-I bet you do.

0:27:320:27:33

This is all your fault.

0:27:340:27:37

-Where is she?

-Living room.

0:27:410:27:44

Why didn't she just ring me?

0:27:440:27:45

Her phone's knackered.

0:27:450:27:47

Well, what's the matter with her?

0:27:470:27:49

Oh.

0:27:490:27:50

-All right, leave it to me.

-Well, you know where I am.

0:27:500:27:53

-Thanks, Michelle.

-No worries.

0:27:530:27:54

Nan?

0:27:560:27:58

SHE SOBS

0:27:580:27:59

What's the matter?

0:27:590:28:00

-It's Kat.

-What about Kat?

0:28:000:28:02

She's dead.

0:28:040:28:05