19/03/2018 EastEnders

SIRENS WAIL IN DISTANCE

Nan?

You awake?

I ain't slept for days.

Nan, I need you to just tell me everything again.

-Stace...

-Nan, when did it happen?

-Cos she was fine a couple of weeks ago...

-Eh?

She sent Hayley over here.

-Hayley? Why?

-Don't matter.

I'm surprised that this place is all in one piece.

Nan, please! I need to know all the details.

Can't you do us a cuppa tea first?

Nan...

Please, Nan, don't hide this from me.

I just want to know everything.

-She was on a boat.

-A boat?

And then she fell off.

Well, didn't anyone try and help her?

Well, it was at night, weren't it?

They could hear her, but they couldn't find her.

Surely, someone could've done something.

Well, they was looking for her and all of a sudden they spotted her.

-No, don't say it, Nan.

-Come here.

But you wanted to know, love.

It was too late.

What, and Alfie just stood there and did nothing?

-Alfie wasn't there.

-Where was he?

Him and Kat had a bust up, he took the kids, went off,

and no-one's seen 'em since.

-What, you telling me they don't know?

-I don't know.

We need to go to Ireland.

Kat's gone, love.

It doesn't matter where we go,

she won't be there.

THEY SOB

You hear that?

Hmm?

No children.

< FLUSHING

< I'd give it a few minutes!

Well, you say that...

What?

Come, come sit on my lap.

You old fool.

Is this is the way you say "good morning"

to your husband of 500 years?

We never get the time, do we?

Well, let's take advantage.

Go away for a few days.

-Really?

-Yeah.

Southend, Margate, you name it.

What about our favourite place?

Can you imagine us going back there?

Yes...

-Yes, of course, I can.

-Book it, then, Arshad. Book it. Book it now.

When you say "our favourite place", do you...?

I mean "our favourite place".

HE LAUGHS UNCERTAINLY

She's just like you were.

Mummy, are you sad?

Me? No, darling, I'm fine.

Just got a bit of a cold, that's all. Go and get ready.

Good girl.

Well, what do we do now?

There's going to be a funeral, in't there? We'll have to go over for it.

She's coming over here.

-To the Square? Well, how's she getting here?

-Belinda.

I can't do this, Nan, it's too much.

-When...When are they bringing her?

-This week.

-That soon?

-It's got something to do with Irish laws...

Do you know, if this was Kat right now,

-she'd be in the Vic on her fourth.

-Ain't a bad idea.

There's more.

-What?

-Bel's got the cash to fetch Kat over here,

but she hasn't got it, you know, to lay her to rest.

-Didn't she have life insurance?

-Kat was Kat, love.

-We'll have to use her lottery money.

-It's long gone.

Well, Bel can't expect us to cough up, Nan. I'll ring Mo and Lynne.

-I've already tried 'em.

-So, you're telling me that Kat is coming back

-and we can't even afford to bury her?

-Look, we can't do that to her.

So we'll have to try somehow to get the dough

or it's going to be quicklime and a pauper's grave.

SHE SOBS

Be careful, that's all I'm saying.

And send us a postcard.

That's if you get a minute away from that Renee.

Yeah, well, you're going to be the only person

I'm sending a postcard to.

Do you know, I thought you'd be happier than this.

-Mind you, it's going to cost you though, innit.

-Not me, my dear.

She paid for the ticket. Could you do me a favour, please?

Just tell Ted and Joyce I ain't going to miss them.

-Bye.

-Bye.

-There we go, me old mate.

-Thank you.

-All right.

-Mo? When do you get here?

-Later, Martin.

-Oh, right.

Flying visit, then? Well, nice seeing ya.

Good chat.

Mummy's sad.

No, I ain't. She keeps saying that, she's heard it in a cartoon.

-Well, look, if there's a problem.

-C'mon, Lil.

Mo Harris! >

You all right, Mo? You've gone a bit pale, babe.

Nearly gave me heart attack.

If there is anything I can do...

No, it's fine, Martin. C'mon.

Back in a bit. >

So, I'm getting the house to myself. I might have a cards night.

No gambling, of course. Just me and the boys playing snap.

You know, I might need your help, Munno.

You don't know where Chachi's favourite place is.

-Of course I do.

-Well, tell me, then.

-Well, I...

HE LAUGHS

It's not funny. CROCKERY CLATTERS

We've all got a place.

You know, it'll come to you. Zainab and I...

You know, we've been to a thousand different places.

I mean, how am I supposed to know which one is more important

-than the other 999?

-Ask Chachi.

You can't ask a woman that!

See, every precious second they spend with you

is logged away and labelled.

And they think you're doing the same.

-Aren't we?

-HE SCOFFS

-How long is this trip?

-Two days.

Well, it's probably in England. Factoring in the travel time.

-I hadn't thought of that.

-Yeah, and at your age,

-you don't want to be spending too long in a car.

-Eh?

-No offence.

OK.

We need a map.

Map?

Hm.

HE SIGHS

You have my sincerest sympathies, you really do.

Kat was...

Well, she was one of a kind.

-You know, there was no-one like her, was there, eh?

-Thank you.

We need... We need your advice.

Well... Your help, actually.

Kat's...

Kat's coming back here to be buried

and we just need to know how much it's going to cost.

Right, OK, well, you've come to the right place.

I've got a price list here. Somewhere...

-Do you know what you're looking for?

-As in?

As in, is it a church thing? A cremation? Any specific cemetery?

People do ask for somewhere with nice views.

I just want the best that money can buy.

Well, why don't we start by having a look at what Kat would want.

-Not being dead for a start.

-Nan, I think I'll do the talking.

Well, Kat would want everyone to know that it's her funeral.

-Well, horses could be an idea.

-Oh, you've got horses?

Not on the premises. But we rent 'em in.

Nan, horses?

Expensive?

-They're not cheap.

-She always loved an 'horse.

Right, well, that brings us to the other thing.

Do you ever do funerals on the never-never?

I mean, there is a payment plan.

It's 50% deposit upfront and the rest within about a week or so.

So, you'd need the money today?

Well, it depends on when Kat'd be arriving back in England.

Probably this week.

-Nan, how much money you got?

-About £30 and a bit of shrapnel.

STACEY SIGHS

Jay, come on.

It's me! We must be able to sort something out.

It's not like you don't know us.

I know, but it just don't work like that. I'm sorry.

Please, Jay. Look, there must be a way round it.

Well, what about a cheaper option?

We're not doing cheap. Kat would never forgive us.

Well, in that case, I mean, you are looking anything upward of,

-like, ten grand.

-Are you serious?

-We'll have it.

-Nan?!

Only the best, love.

So... That's a couple of hours' drive in every direction.

Any names spring to mind within the circle?

There are hundreds.

I've got to tell her.

Keep studying the map, something'll come to you.

It's not that she'll be angry,

it's just that she'll be sad.

As if all the things we shared together

don't matter to me any more...

Photos!

-You've got photo albums, right?

-Of course.

Well, go and get the photo albums.

It might jog your memory. Come on, go and get them.

-Jaldee!

-Shabash.

So there's mahogany, there's teak.

-I mean, you can even have cardboard ones.

-She ain't a parcel.

-Uncle Charlie had one like that.

-How much?

-It is steep.

-It'd be nice if they had matching coffins, eh?

-That is a good performer, that one.

-How would you know?

It's not like they're going to complain, is it?

I want that one, with leopard-print lining.

-Right, well...

-Is that a problem?

-I'll have to make a call.

-And I want her dressed right.

OK. Do you want to bring me some clothes over?

Yeah, I can get Belinda to pack some of Kat's stuff.

Let's treat her, Stace.

Let's get her something new.

Her last ever shopping trip.

Well, have you ever dressed a woman?

More than I've undressed, yeah.

Kat liked a tight little number, push-up bra, heels.

I'll have to bring you some fake tan an' all.

Cos she would not be seen dead without it.

That ain't a joke.

Anything else?

Right, so, all of that is going to come to ten grand, yeah?

And you're sure you can't trust us to pay up after?

Look, Les wants everything done by the book now, but, for you...

Keep this to yourself, right,

but maybe I'll take the 50% deposit upfront

and we'll just stagger the rest?

-So, that's 5K upfront?

-Well, that's the best I can do, Stace.

All right, well, we ain't got a choice. We'll have to get the money.

Cos no-one is going to forget Kat Slater. In life or death.

MOBILE RINGS

Is someone blanking Mummy?

-It's Louise.

-And you're airing her?

Did someone die or something?

My dad.

HE SIGHS

-Are you serious?

-It was years ago.

-But today's his birthday.

-Bruv...

Don't sweat it.

Didn't know him or nothing.

Yeah, well, sometimes you don't know 'em - even if they are around.

Oi, look, the footie's on later.

Do you fancy it?

Yeah, OK.

Yeah, I know, it's been a while, Mo,

and I'm sorry it's under such... such circumstances.

How's Alfie and the kids taking it?

Well, that's why we've come round.

Alfie's disappeared and we need his number.

Well, I haven't spoke to him in ages.

I don't even know if I've got the right number for him.

Actually, Ian, that's not the only reason that we've come.

And this is as embarrassing for us as it is for you, but, um...

..we can't afford to bury Kat.

-You want me to pay?

-Alfie'll show up and he'll square it with you.

-It's just that we need the money now.

-How much?

10K.

Are you serious?!

5K will seal the deposit.

You're Alfie's mate, you want to help him, don't ya?

Well, yeah, course I do.

What, so that's a yes, then?

Yeah, I'll definitely help.

-Ian, you're a prince. In't he, Nan?

-A king.

I could kiss him right now.

Look, I'm more than happy to do the sausage rolls.

-You what?

-"Sausage rolls"?

-Scotch eggs, even. I mean, for the wake.

-Are you serious?

We can't have a wake if we ain't even got a funeral!

I'd love to give you the money,

but I'm ploughing everything into the restaurant, OK?

-So it's take it or leave it.

-Fine, fine. We'll take the Scotch eggs.

All right, well, just let me know when and where you want 'em.

Well, I haven't even thought about that yet.

Look, if you're struggling with all this,

what you need to go and look at...

..is how the Maori deal with loss.

SHE GROANS

If it was your missus,

Alfie would've sold a kidney.

Yeah, well, Jane's not here any more, is she?

What a surprise!

Who's next, Nan?

DOOR OPENS

Any luck? When are you leaving?

-That would be never.

-Not so hasty.

Why are you grinning like that?

I bumped into Chachi and she was out shopping

-and you'll never guess what she bought.

-You're right, I never will.

All right, well, you can thank me for my genius later.

I said to her... I said, "Let me take that bag home for you."

I don't see any genius.

You don't remember Chachi wearing something similar?

I don't know, I have to think.

"I wore something very similar in our special place".

Those were her words.

In one of those albums is a picture of Chachi

wearing something almost identical to this salwar kameez?

HE CHUCKLES

LINDA: Dunno how you're bearing up.

Well, I've got to, ain't I?

Or Kat'll be back and nothing'll be sorted.

-Mick, open a bottle, we'll have a toast.

-Oh, no, thanks.

I've actually come here to ask you a favour.

Well, Kat loved this place.

It was her to her bones.

And I just thought that maybe we could have her wake here?

Yeah, course you can, babe. Like you need to ask.

Yeah, but I'm asking for a bit more than you think.

We don't need any money.

Are you sure?

When we first came on the scene,

we bought a pub with not a drop of booze in it.

Now that might've worked for the Amish community.

Alfie stepped in and saved the day.

-Yeah, so I think we owe him a wake or two.

-Mick...?

No, she was one of your own, Stace.

So, we'll pull it out the bag for you, I promise.

KNOCKING

I saw Mo and Stacey leaving your house

and I know it's none of my business,

but there is something going on.

You need to sit down.

It's one of those, is it?

Yeah, it's one of those.

Here.

That ain't funny, Vincent!

-I know you've just sold your bar, so...

-For a pound. This exact pound.

It's all I have.

-Are you serious?

-You have no idea how much I wish I wasn't.

This is going well!

I promised my nan. Right, you should see her, she's in bits.

And I promised her that I would fix this,

and I'm doing everything but that.

Here, Dot offered me a prayer.

Can you believe that? A sodding prayer.

Kat was too young.

Don't matter if she'd lived enough for five lives,

still ain't fair, is it? KNOCK AT DOOR

-Leave it.

-Are you sure?

I don't want people seeing me.

It might be someone coming over with money?

Stace, it's me.

-Let him in.

-KNOCKING CONTINUES

DOOR OPENS

-Stace not in?

-No.

DOOR SLAMS

You all right, Mo?

Ian...

Look, he told me about Kat.

I'm sorry.

But, look, I reckon I've come up with a way to raise the money.

-Oh! You big beautiful lump!

-Yeah.

-Have a look.

-What, you're going to sell your laptop?

No, no...

I've come up with this, ain't I? I've set it up.

It's an online donation thing.

Right, you share it with your mates,

and then they share it with their mates and before you know it,

-you've got a ton of people chipping in.

-What, sending us cash?

Well, to a bank account, but, yeah.

You know, the odd fiver and tenner, but it all mounts up, don't it?

-What do you reckon?

-You single?

-That's Dot's prayer, that is.

-Yeah.

-Yeah.

Couldn't just stand by, could I?

What are you doing here?

-Stace, I was worried.

-Just stay out of it.

-Stace, he's got a plan.

-It doesn't involve you, Martin.

-Stace?!

-Just have a look.

-Hardly anything has gone our way today

and you ain't about to change that.

Right, I'll leave it there.

-What?

-Whit, show her.

This was Martin's idea.

He's set everything up.

Well, you could've told me!

We'll figure this out. We will.

-I have to tell her.

-Well...

I mean, what's a marriage without honesty?

PHONE RINGS

Mariam...

Oh.

Hello, Meri-jaan...

Arshad, did Masood bring my bag home?

Yes, yes, he did.

And did it bring back happy memories?

Well, actually, about that, I think I...

I need to be honest.

-You don't sound like yourself.

-No, but... Well, I...

Hold on, I'm getting another phone call. Wait there.

Don't tell her - you'll never hear the end of it.

Arshad?

-Arshad..?

-Yes?

Arshad, I need to go, it's the foster people.

Ah, but... But, I mean...

-I'll call you back.

-OK, well...

What now?

-Where's your Janet and John?

-Are we going to get one?

Not really.

Well...

Um...

Well, maybe.

Maybe for...

for Auntie Kat...

Come here.

Talking of Auntie Kat. She's going to be coming here soon.

-Yay!

-Not like that.

She's, um...

Well, you know Arthur's robot that he loves?

You know when he runs out of batteries and he stops moving

and all his lights go off?

Well, um...

Auntie Kat, she's, um...

..she's stopped moving and...

..and all her lights aren't working any more. And...

Me and...

and you and Nan...

..and Arthur and Hope, we're, um...

..we're going to wave goodbye to Auntie Kat,

but she's not going to wave back.

In fact, you won't even see her. But she'll, um...

She'll know that you were there and she will love that.

Is that what takes you to Heaven?

Well, yeah, in a way.

But it hasn't got any wings.

SHE CHUCKLES

It doesn't need 'em.

It just goes on its own.

And we just let it.

And we let it take Auntie Kat away...

..and we just try and hang on to whatever's left afterwards.

-Think.

-Oh, my.

-Quickly.

-My mind's gone blank.

Before Chachi gets back.

Please, take it off.

OK, I'm Chachi and I'm walking down the street,

my bright salwar kameez is attracting attention,

and my chuni's blowing in the wind.

And you, you're proud of me,

because I'm the happiest woman in the world and people can see it.

Cornwall!

Huh?

Fistral Beach!

HE LAUGHS

Yes, the sun was setting and there we were together,

more complete than at any time in our lives.

You did it, Munno! DOOR OPENS

My wonderful nephew... Mwah!

HE LAUGHS

SHE CLEARS HER THROAT

Oh, Mariam?

Arshad?

-Jenny.

-Arshad.

She has a baby she wants to place with us.

Along with the other baby we already have.

BABY CRIES

-STACEY:

-I've brought your favourite.

-Thought we could share it.

-Thanks.

-Thank you.

-Is Dot in?

No.

She's at church.

She's gone to light a candle...

,,for Kat.

-I wish you'd just told me.

-Wouldn't have changed anything.

-No...

No, it wouldn't.

Look, I know how much she meant to you...

..and if you want to talk about her, then I'm here.

She's all I want to talk about.

I just don't really know where to start.

Mainly cos every thought starts with "She was..."

and I really want her to be a "She is..."

Look, I don't know if this is going to help, but...

.."she is" is you.

I have always felt that, Stace.

I ain't half what Kat was.

I've done it again. Another "was".

-Are you going to be all right?

-Well, I've gotta be, ain't I?

Nan is crumbling by the second

and someone's gotta hold her together.

Who's holding you together?

Stace, I mean it.

I'm here.

Did the man in the salwar kameez upset you?

-BABY CRIES

-Is that it?

How long is it going to keep crying?

"It" is called Harley and he's still in shock.

It was just an attempt to jog an old man's memory.

-You look nothing like me.

-No, but...

How long's this going to drag on?

-Drag? Did someone mention drag?

-Oi!

-ARSHAD LAUGHS

Look, it's all right to forget. Just talk to your wife.

It means that we had many, many special places.

How, Meri-jaan?

I suppose Fistral Beach can wait.

Fistral Beach? I hate that place.

I got stung by a jellyfish there. What kind of man are you?

I'm going to put dinner on.

-How many times have you called Hunter?

-A few...

More than ten, less than 20?

-Maybe.

-Psycho.

Why won't he answer?

I could be calling with an emergency,

I could've been kidnapped again or I could be trapped somewhere.

Or just a psycho.

Hello, is anyone in? My key's not working.

All right? What did you do, double lock it?

CHAIN JANGLES

If anyone asks, I ain't here.

You're really suffering, ain't ya?

-Just don't let no-one in, love, yeah?

-All right.

I really didn't want to do this.

SHE SOBS

Stace, come here.

It's all right.

Hey, it's all right. Come here.

It's OK to cry.

Hey, hey, yeah, look at me.

It's OK.

You will get through this.

I promise.

CROCKERY CLATTERS