The Curse of Amenhotep Father Brown

I told them.

I said all along there was a second chamber.

You know what this means?

The name of Beresford will become the stuff of legend.

Who is he?

"Princely...High Priest.

"Powerful of strength.

"Sacred of appearance.

"Amenhotep."

"He who disturbs the appointed of the Gods...

"..shall suffer their wrath."

BARKS ORDERS IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE

How...beautiful he is.

SCREAMING

Thank you for this, Mr Hubble.

Such invaluable research for my latest novel.

My pleasure, Lady Felicia.

The Beresford collection is the only private museum

to own a complete set of 12th dynasty embalming tools.

Did Father Brown tell you the name of it?

It's entitled Love In The Dunes -

The Adventures Of A Flame-Haired Beauty.

What's this?

Some kind of crochet needle?

A brain hook.

Inserted through the nostril to smash the brain

and extract it through the nose, during the embalming process.

I don't know what's wrong with a good, hygienic, Christian burial.

What's down here?

Oh, erm...

Sir Raleigh's private collection.

Now, over here,

we have some particularly fine examples of new kingdom scarabs.

Are you limping, Father?

Old war wound.

Nothing camphor oil won't fix.

Gout.

Shrapnel!

That's what the doctor said, was it?

At the appointment I made for you this morning?

HE SNEEZES

-Bless you.

-It's pollen.

He's a martyr to hay fever.

Oh, I picked up your eye drops at the surgery.

Thank you.

When are you going to put that poor man out of his misery?

Walter and I are good friends, but...

At a certain time in life, isn't that enough?

He'd want us to leave here.

CAR HORN BEEPS

Did you know about this?

When did Raleigh deign to inform me of his movements?

He and his son Leo are supposed to be in America on a lecture tour.

DISTANT: Valeri-i-i-ie!

Valeri-i-ie!

Valeri-i-ie!

Hello, Raleigh.

Isn't Leo with you?

Oh, he's following on behind.

Where the hell is everyone?

The staff were given leave.

Some notice would have been appreciated.

Change of plan.

Who the hell are you?

Hello, Raleigh.

I hope you don't mind.

Mr Hubble has been giving us a tour of your museum.

Felicia Windemere! Oh, ho, ho, ho!

You haven't changed a bit.

Neither have you!

As beautiful as ever. You'll stay for lunch.

I'm afraid we couldn't possibly intrude.

Lay extra places. It's a celebration.

POINTED COUGH

And here she is.

My love, let me introduce you.

No! I want to guess.

Let me see.

I think that is Hubble.

Very good!

Miss Oliphant, the faithful secretary.

And you must be Raleigh's daughter.

Tell them.

This is Caterina...

My wife.

Congratulations!

Champagne?

No, thank you. We've only just finished breakfast.

How lovely, thank you.

THEY GIGGLE

How long have you been married?

Two weeks.

It was a whirlwind romance.

I couldn't wait to make her my wife.

How romantic.

Caterina attended one of my lectures.

I looked up...

and there she was, sitting before me in the front row.

So you're a student of archaeology?

I am a student of many things,

and the whole world knows the exploits of Sir Raleigh Beresford.

When can I see Amenhotep?

HE SPLUTTERS

Oh, I'm sorry... I beg your pardon.

Fingers and thumbs!

Yes, I was going to tell you.

I've donated him to the Oriental Institute in Chicago.

Well, say something, man. I thought you of all people would approve.

I'm surprised. You always swore...

A man can change his mind.

Who is Amenhotep?

Raleigh's Mummy,

locked away for decades...

intact, and unwrapped.

Not on display in the museum?

Security reasons.

But now he'll be shared with the whole world...

and your name will be immortalised.

I want to see him.

And you will.

I want to see him now.

LIGHT BULB BUZZES

I say...

It's very dusty.

The chamber hasn't been opened in decades.

'I wouldn't if I were you.'

Have you taken leave of your senses?

My son, Leo. Soft. No sense of danger.

And you've already lost one wife.

Are you really going to be so careless with another?

Hasn't he told you it is cursed?

I want to see inside.

The air is too humid.

It must be opened under laboratory conditions.

How beautiful he is.

"How beautiful he is."

Aristocratic, flame-haired beauty,

crushed within the stagnant confines of her class.

Ripe for adventure.

Thrown into the company of a mysterious explorer,

bound on an expedition for Egypt.

-I trust I won't have to consult my lawyers?

-I guarantee you won't.

-GHOSTLY VOICE: ('Amenhote-e-ep...')

-The book starts in...

CATERINA SCREAMS

Goodness, child. You look as if you've seen a ghost.

I tho... I thought I...

I'll come with you.

Non!

You must stay with your guests.

I confess to curiosity about your cursed mummy.

Wretched thing killed my mother.

Evelyn was on Raleigh's expedition.

There was a rock fall.

She was killed, instantly,

along with two Egyptian bearers.

I'm very sorry.

"He who disturbs the appointed of the Gods shall suffer their wrath."

Enough!

I've put the past behind me and so will you.

God help me, that's an order.

The view of the lake is wonderful at this time of year.

Oh, good.

When was the house built?

CROWS CAWING

SHE WHIMPERS

WHISPERING: Amenhote-e-e-p.

God and his Holy saints!

-Are you all right?

-Perfectly!

I thought you were lying down.

I needed some air!

Do you have to monitor my every breath?!

I'm going to change.

I need a bloody drink.

Why don't I fetch some?

God damn it all, woman, stop fussing me!

Trouble in paradise?

Paradise?

WHISPERING: Cateri-i-ina-a-a.

'Amenhote-e-e-ep...'

Goodbye, Father!

LONG SCREAM

Key's in the lock.

THUDS ON DOOR

She's dead.

HE PRAYS UNDER HIS BREATH

Amen!

Ah...amen...

Amen..ho..tep...

Sergeant, what do we know about the victim?

Caterina Beresford, 21.

-Ah, Sir Raleigh's daughter?

-Wife, sir.

Witnesses heard screams and the victim struggling with an assailant,

but by the time they got there...

Yeah, any indication as to cause of death?

Not yet. Police surgeon's on his way.

-Oh, one other thing, sir.

-Yes?

According to the witness who found her,

the door was locked from the inside.

That's all I need. Who was this witness?

Detective Inspector Sullivan,

Kembleford Po...

lice. Thank you.

My condolences on the death of your wife, Sir,

but I need to ask you all some questions.

I'll ask the questions, policeman.

How did my wife die?

We'll know more after the postmortem.

Sir Raleigh, you, Mr Beresford,

and Miss...

Oliphant.

..Oliphant were unaccounted for at the time of death,

so I shall require an account of your whereabouts.

Damn your impertinence!

I was in the office making phone calls and typing letters.

Did you make any phone calls between 3.00 and 3.10?

I'm not...

No, I don't think so.

Mr Beresford?

I was in the garage.

My car developed a little rattle on the way down.

Do you have a habit of acting as your own mechanic?

Only when I'm in the middle of nowhere.

Which leaves you, Sir Raleigh.

I was in my study...

..alone. For all the good it will do you.

And my wife's bedroom door was locked from the inside.

Before she died, she spoke a name.

Amenhotep.

God, no.

Don't say I didn't warn you.

And where can I find Mr...

Amen...hotep?

Sir!

Sir!

The Chief Super wants updating, sir.

You can tell the Chief Super I've an unexplained death,

a houseful of people with no alibi,

and a 3,000-year-old Mummy on the prowl.

Don't tell the Chief Superintendent that, Sergeant.

Yes, sir.

No, sir.

A Mr Lincoln from Chicago phoned earlier this morning.

They want to know when they can pack the Mummy for shipment.

Never!

Tell him the answer's never.

I don't mean to intrude upon your grief.

But, as Caterina was a Catholic,

I was wondering if you'd like a mass said for her soul.

What good will it do?

It would give comfort to her family.

She has no family.

They were all lost in France during the war.

You should eat something.

I can't eat.

How can anyone eat at a time like this?

What did Leo mean when he said his mother's death

was "only the start"?

Beresford bought Amenhotep back to London for a public unwrapping,

in front of the creme de la creme of the archaeological world,

all gnashing their teeth at his coup.

It never took place.

Dickie was next to die,

Raleigh's younger brother, and a member of the expedition.

On the boat home, he fell mysteriously overboard and drowned.

The day of the unwrapping, Leo was struck down with fever.

Evelyn should never have taken a two-year-old child to Egypt,

where it's hardly surprising he picked up some terrible...

tropical disease.

Beresford was deranged with paranoia.

He found some self-styled Egyptian priest

to perform prayers of exorcism

and re-entombed Amenhotep.

Later that evening,

Leo's fever broke...

..and Beresford has never set eyes on the Mummy since.

Until now.

I'd like you and Mr Beresford to remove your shirts.

How dare you!

The police surgeon found traces of blood and skin

under your wife's fingernails,

along with evidence of bruising to her neck.

This is merely for purposes of elimination.

And what if I refuse?

That's your prerogative, Sir.

I assumed you'd prefer to do this privately,

but we can continue at the station if you choose.

-Damn you.

-I can explain.

'I loved her.'

Leave him!

Come with me. Why stay?

For the same reason I married him, silly boy.

So you ARE what everyone thinks...

just a vulgar little gold-digger.

Leo...

..so naive!

And what about us?

There is no us!

You are a diversion that has stopped being diverting

and has become...tedious.

A diversion!?

Just some piece of rag that you can use and toss aside?

I won't let you.

Aah!

You little...

I knew it!

Leo Beresford, I'm arresting you on suspicion

of the murder of Caterina Beresford.

I didn't do it.

I couldn't! I loved her.

You forced yourself on her, admit it, damn you!

You are not obliged to say anything,

but anything you do say will be taken down in writing and may...

Stop!

He's telling the truth.

I did it.

I murdered Caterina.

26 stalls is rather excessive, Mrs McCarthy.

Well, it's not as if you don't have the space.

Just think of it as your Christian duty.

But do we have to have Splat the Rat in the walled garden?

My camomile lawn will never survive the hoards of rampaging children.

Mrs McCarthy, Lady Felicia.

There you are, Father. Now, what did the doctor say about...?

-Miss Oliph...

-What is that smell?

-Valer...

-Camphor oil.

For all the good it will do your gout!

Valerie Oliphant has confessed to the murder of Caterina.

-No!

-But she's second soprano of the church choir!

Why would you confess to a murder you didn't commit?

To protect someone whose life is worth more than your own.

You and Sir Raleigh had an affair?

It may be hard to imagine now,

but at one time I possessed if not beauty then a bloom of youth.

-I didn't mean to imply...

-There's no need to apologise.

And this was...?

Decades ago.

Why did it end?

He was married.

I was just a notch on his bedpost.

Yet you stayed in his employ all this time.

A woman may hope, Inspector.

And, for 30 years, I've been as a wife to him,

in every way but one.

Did Caterina Beresford dash that hope?

She would have driven him to his grave,

gold-digging little minx.

Pardon my language, but...

she deserved what she got.

Which was?

I killed her.

I put my hands round her neck...

and I squeezed the life from her.

And then locked the door behind you?

I have a master key to every room in the house.

I locked the door afterwards...

to buy myself time to get away.

Father Brown swears that the key was in the lock.

Father Brown was mistaken.

In that case, Valerie Oliphant,

I am charging you with the murder of Caterina Beresford.

Your wife was beautiful.

I had TWO beautiful wives.

Your business?

A member of my flock has confessed to murder.

I believe she's protecting your son.

More fool her.

Leo couldn't kill anyone,

the milksop doesn't have it in him.

An apple fallen so far from the tree it landed in the next field.

He takes after his mother...

..his real mother.

I couldn't help noticing the way her eyes follow him...

..watching his every move.

Once you look for the resemblances, you can see them.

Confessional rules apply, Priest.

Or do I have to be a left-footer?

God does not discriminate.

After we were married,

I discovered Evelyn was infertile.

Imagine a man like me without prospect of son and heir.

It must have been devastating for you both.

When Valerie fell pregnant...

..I made her an offer.

Leo was born abroad...

to Lady Beresford

and returned to England as mine and Evelyn's son.

His real mother Valerie came back.

You think that was my idea?

That was her only condition - to see him grow.

After Evelyn died, surely...?

What? That...I should have proffered my hand in marriage?

Her father was a bought ledger clerk...

..and I didn't have to buy her silence.

My documentation is irrefutable.

Who'd believe the ramblings of an obsessed woman? No...

she'll take her secret with her to the grave.

Which will be sooner rather than later,

unless we find the murderer.

My wife didn't die by human hand.

And I...

..don't believe in ghosts.

Your whole system of faith is based on a man risen from the dead.

Caterina died alone in a locked room.

She named her killer.

Leave Amenhotep in peace,

or I warn you, Priest, you'll be next.

HE LAUGH

Yes, obviously there are a few outstanding enquiries

to complete, but...

Yes, sir. Thank you, sir.

Yes, indeed. I'll do my utmost.

Ah, yes. Goodbye, sir.

KNOCK ON DOOR

Valerie Oliphant is innocent.

She's protecting someone,

which means the murderer is still at large,

but something tells me you already know that.

You have exactly 20 seconds to get out of my office,

or I'll have you arrested and thrown in the cells.

On what charge?

Anything.

I'll find something that will stick!

Very well, Inspector.

Miss Oliphant, the postmortem shows that Lady Beresford

didn't die of strangulation,

which means you have some explaining to do.

'Sergeant, release Valerie Oliphant on bail for wasting police time.'

'Right away, sir.'

Lady Felicia, do you mind if I ask what it is that you're doing?

Inspector, how fortuitous. Do take a seat.

You're in my chair.

I'm writing you a note about a soiree I'm holding next month,

just some local luminaries and rising stars of the district.

Yes?

It's for "Inspector Sullivan and Guest."

Do you have someone you'd like to bring?

No.

No...young lady in your life?

No, Lady Felicia, I...

Shame.

And you so...

young and handsome.

Don't you get lonely?

Thank you for this.

I shall endeavour to be there.

I look forward to it.

Right.

Au revoir...Inspector.

RADIO: 'And now, yesterday's results from Thirsk.

'2.50, The Archibald House Novices Hurdle.

'First, Mr Neil...'

Dr Fairfax has had a cancellation...

-'Second, Half A Policeman...'

-..and can squeeze you in at...

'Third, Troubled Parishioner.'

..at five o'clock.

Hello, all.

Mission accomplished?

Rather. Caterina wasn't strangled - she was poisoned with atropine.

Ah-ha.

What are you thinking?

The answer to the mystery is that there is no mystery.

The crime was committed before Caterina even entered that room.

Valerie.

Why didn't you tell me you were being released?

I would have met you.

I didn't want a fuss.

I wouldn't consider it one.

Dear Walter,

what would I do without you?

Then come away with me.

My offer still stands.

I have means for both of us.

You needn't be at his beck and call ever again.

I can't.

I know you think he murdered his wife.

Why else would you make such a ludicrous confession?

Stay here when you could be next?

Or the house by the sea you've always yearned for?

Devon or Cornwall.

The South of France.

Sounds nice.

Then say the word.

Say yes.

I'm sorry.

What do you expect to find, Father?

Well...

..it's rather what I expect NOT to find.

Don't tell me my employer has convinced you

that Amenhotep is risen from the tomb

and prowling the corridors?

Caterina wasn't cursed.

She died of atropine poisoning.

I don't understand.

Eye drops.

I picked up your eye drops at the surgery.

'So innocuous...'

Thank you.

'but a deadly poison and a powerful hallucinogenic.'

A colourless, odourless poison,

just sitting there, in your pocket.

Top me up, Hubble!

Temptation must have been overwhelming.

But I dread to think...

what horrors Caterina saw before she died.

Why would I kill her?

Because she was the driving force

behind Sir Raleigh's change of heart.

Because, at all costs,

you had to stop Amenhotep being disentombed.

I'm an archaeologist!

I seek to uncover the past, not bury it.

But...

what lies buried here?

This is not just a tomb, is it?

It's a treasure trove...

..locked away,

undisturbed for decades.

That's absurd.

Well, there's one way to find out.

Very well, Father.

I have nothing to fear.

Ohhhhh!

Oh, I was hoping you wouldn't recover consciousness.

How very thoughtful.

I want you to know my actions were for the most chivalrous of reasons.

A damsel in distress.

Yes.

How could I provide her with an escape on a Curator's salary?

And a hoard of riches before your eyes.

Treasures that would never see the light of day,

so I removed it to examine at my leisure.

To desecrate at your leisure.

Semantics.

What's to differentiate the archaeologist from the grave robber,

bar education and hubris?

Fortunately, antiquities attract the sort of collectors

who don't ask questions.

HE CHUCKLES

What about Amenhotep?

Nothing more than dust and bones.

The remains of a mortal man.

A husk, expired millennia ago,

despite what my employer may have believed.

But as long as he believed,

your secret was safe...

until the arrival of the second Mrs Beresford.

Scheming little minx,

blinded by greed...

..and he blinded by her.

You murdered...

an innocent girl.

I had no intention of spending the rest of my days in prison...

and that little trollop was anything but innocent.

Whereas I...

..endeavoured to save a genuinely virtuous woman

from a life of servitude, and regret.

Only...

O-o-oh!

Walter, Walter...

..she turned you down.

I'm so sorry.

"A faint heart never won fair lady."

I am a patient man, Father.

She'll see...

..in time.

-She'll see.

-Repent...

..and you will be forgiven.

You shouldn't have meddled, Father.

This is regrettable, but will be painless

and give you time to make peace with your God,

and pray for your soul.

I'd rather use my time to pray for yours.

HE CHUCKLES DARKLY

Mr Hubble!

I don't suppose you've seen Father Brown? He's gone AWOL.

Oh, not since this morning.

Perhaps he's dropped in on Valerie.

What did I tell you? He won't be far from the biscuit tin.

He's lying.

Didn't you smell him, Mrs M?

A distinct whiff of...

BOTH: Camphor oil.

SHE SNIFFS

He was here.

Well, he's not here now. Praise be.

Nasty heathen place.

The dead should be buried IN the ground,

not lying around on display like ornaments.

-CREAKING

-Sh-sh!

What is it?

I can hear something.

The only thing I can hear is the sound of an over-active imagination.

-Now, can we get out of here?

-Wait!

-Horrible spooky place.

Wait, wait!

Oh, what are you doing now?

3,000-year-old mummies don't bleed.

Oh, no.

Really?

-There's only one way to find out.

-No!

"He who disturbs the appointed of the Gods shall suffer their wrath!"

Not half as much as they'll suffer mine

if any harm's come to the Father.

Are you just going to stand there,

or are you going to help me lift this lid?

Oh, he's dead!

Not yet, he isn't.

Father.

Father, wake up.

Come on, Father, wake up!

It's no good, Mrs M!

-His left foot.

-What?

-Don't ask!

Give his big toe a good tweak,

as hard as you can!

Rise and shine, Father!

Your time has not yet come.

Sorry, Father.

HE GASPS

Thank you, Sir Raleigh. I'll be in touch.

"Faint heart never won fair lady."

Ah, Mr Hubble.

The investigation has revealed that Lady Beresford died of poisoning,

which makes it necessary to re-interview everyone.

Of course, Inspector.

Whatever I can do to help.

Mr Hubble!

Mr Hubble!

POLICE WHISTLES BLOW

Mr Hubble!

Mr Hubble, stay where you are!

HE CHUCKLES

MOTOR GRINDS TO A HALT

Ah!

Whoa!

('Amenhote-e-e-ep...')

('Amenhote-e-e-ep...')

Aargh!

Help!

Help!

('Hubble...')

I think some hot tea is in order.

No, thank you.

Nonsense. You are chilled to the bone.

Take it from me, Inspector,

resistance is futile.

Oh.

I hear Father Brown has you ladies to thank for a timely rescue.

How is he?

Oh, don't you be worrying about him.

That man has the constitution of an ox

and the luck of the devil.

Sir!

Looks like his foot got tangled in the weeds -

that'll be what dragged him down.

Where do you think you're going?

As the police no longer require my presence,

as far away from here as possible.

You're going nowhere, until you admit you lied.

I told the truth.

You forced yourself on my wife and she defended her honour.

-There was no affair. Caterina was innocent.

-Just say it, Leo.

It doesn't matter, just...say what he wants to hear.

You may have raised a milksop for a son...

..but he isn't a liar.

Please!

No!

No, where will you go?

I don't know.

Steam boat to South America.

French Foreign Legion.

-Don't cry, Valerie.

-No!

I'll miss you.

For as long as I can remember you've always been...

there.

I'll write.

SHE SOBS

What have you done?

Your vanity and ego did this...

and now you're on your own.

-I'll pack my things and leave tonight.

-You won't leave.

I've no reason to stay.

Well...

-What about...?

-You?

I stopped loving you the day you took my child from my arms

and gave him to your wife.

You're a stupid, stupid man!

The only curse on this house is you.

It's not enough to lose two wives,

you've now driven away your only son.

-He's an adulterer.

-As are you.

Perhaps the apple landed closer to the tree than you thought.

You think I can forgive him?

You should pray that he forgives you

for denying him his mother for his entire life

and that she forgives YOU

for taking away her son.

-It's too late to change the past, Priest.

-And the future?

"Judge not and you shall not be judged.

"Condemn not and you shall not be condemned.

"Forgive and you shall be forgiven."

I commend the soul of Walter Henry Hubble.

May his soul, and the souls of all the faithful departed,

in the mercy of God rest in peace.

ALL: Amen.

Goodbye, Walter.

Do you think he is at peace?

His actions were not the actions of a sane man...

and God is merciful.

And that's the end of that, I hope.

And of all this business about a curse!

I think the curse has lifted.

Will you stay here?

Until I find my own house.

Raleigh's been very generous

and Leo's promised to come and visit all the time.

I still can't fathom his U-turn after all these years.

Confession is good for the soul.

Beware Greeks bearing lunch!

We have cold roast beef, ham salad and apple tart.

And a rather licentious Burgundy.

Splendid.

Not for you, Father.

Remember what the doctor said.

No red meat, no pork, no sugar

and strictly no alcohol.

Mrs McCarthy, what would I do without you?