Who Needs Enemies Holby City

It's the first rule of office relationships - be discreet.

-CAR HORN BEEPS

-Michael! You forgot this.

I buy in the supplies from a perfectly legitimate company

which happens not to be accredited by the NHS.

And they supply watches too?

The pressure of going straight back into theatre might be too much.

Do you think you can do me a favour and do it for me?

Really?

No, not really!

-A little less transparent next time, maybe?

-I was trying to be nice.

-You're all heart(!)

-The rules about looking after your mum.

-You have no idea what you're talking about.

So why don't you shut your mouth and stay out of it.

That's for everything!

'This is a day in the life of my dad, Michael Spence.

'He's 42 years old, he's six-feet tall and he's a consultant surgeon.

'Which means he has to take responsibility for the younger doctors,

-PHONE VIBRATES

-'show them what to do.'

'He really likes his job.'

More suction there.

Good.

Oh, good morning, Mr Bhatti.

I do apologise for the last minute change of time and venue.

Mr Templeton here was an unexpected guest.

We could have postponed.

No, no. Tempus fugit.

Besides we only have eight days left.

-Eight days?

-This isn't working.

Yes, the board have set a date for an internal review.

-We've got the go-ahead?

-Try again.

Well, if they forward the proposal to Sir Fraser,

we'll get the go-ahead.

Clamp vessels.

If not, Mr Spence, you and I face humiliation

and possibly even redundancy.

I can't see them saying no. The figures speak for themselves.

The figures you've produced so far are for the trial.

What I need to see now is your full Year One business plan

for the dedicated plastics ward.

Shouldn't be a problem.

I should like to see them on my desk this time tomorrow morning, please.

Marvellous.

Pupils fixed and dilated.

Mr Templeton, while driving to work this morning,

made the now-fatal error of trying to answer his mobile phone.

Generally advisable to focus on one thing at a time.

Would you like to check to see if he's carrying a donor card, please, and inform the next of kin?

Where is your partner in crime, by the way?

Where do you think you're going?

Come on, I've got a meeting.

I'm not going to let you go. You're all mine.

-Lulu, I've really got to go.

-You're a Consultant.

You haven't "really" got to do anything.

Anyway, what could be more important than me?

Well, I've got a meeting with a tall Swedish guy

and then I've got a date with a hot girl even younger than you.

Who, Mikey?

Who?

It's my daughter Jasmine.

she's got a school project, "A Day In The Life Of My Dad".

So I have promised her she can spend the day with me here at work.

Oh, how adorable! I'd love to meet little Yasmin.

Erm, Jasmine.

I'll bear it in mind.

Ah, I've really got to go.

She's late every single day.

she's lazy, she lies,

and her attitude sucks.

Please, please, tell me why she's still here, Sacha?

Our hands are tied.

You know that.

I'd answered the questions, "Did you pack this bag yourself?" Bla-bla...

I was heaving my bag onto the, you know...conveyor belt thingy,

and that's when the woman asked me was I OK

-and I realised I couldn't breathe properly.

-If you could...

-You're very pretty.

Thank you.

No, really, like you could be a model or an actress, or something.

Shush, don't be silly!

No, you are. You've got that glow about you,

like someone in the first flush of a passionate love affair.

-I couldn't possibly comment.

-Ohh...

I knew it!

Is he a doctor or something?

-Consultant.

-Oh!

No wonder you look so happy. There aren't many good ones left.

Whatever you do, make sure you don't let him get away.

I don't intend to.

-So can I go?

-Sorry, no. We'll deffo need to run some tests.

-I'd like to do an arterial blood gas, and maybe a chest X-ray.

-No, you don't understand...

-SHE GASPS FOR BREATH

-What took you so long?

Making up an elaborate lie for why I had to ditch a meeting at ten minutes notice.

Two questions. Are you OK? And why aren't you in Malaga?

I'm supposed to be, that's the whole point. You have to help me, Hal.

-Help you how?

-Well, you just have to get me out of here.

There's another flight at three o'clock, make sure I'm on it.

How am I supposed to do that?

-Was it one of THOSE dreams?

-GOD, no!

-You dirty monkey! What was she wearing?

-The usual - scrubs, no make-up, a malicious smile.

-You've got it bad if you dream about her...

It's the inconsistency that does my head in. She offers a reference, then uses me like her personal minion.

I'm starting to look forward to this place closing.

-You look like someone dug up.

-Poor Ollie's been having nightmares.

Oh, don't tell me - anxiety dream.

You're naked in theatre and Hanssen's giving you marks out of ten.

What? I'm not saying that's a dream I've had.

-Well, I hope he gave you full marks.

-We've got a Transplant?

-Since when?

-Peter O'Gorman. Since the lung became available an hour ago.

I'm in.

Oh, yeah? You want to help out?

Of course I do.

-Great, you can collect him, he should arrive any minute.

-Collect him?

-That a porter's job.

-Do you want to help or not?

I'm supposed to be a junior doctor.

Yeah, I heard that rumour too.

So how long have you been on Darwin Ward then?

Long enough. Why do you ask?

I've just been on the transplant list for two years now,

-and I don't remember seeing you before.

-Two years?

You must be pretty excited.

When they confirm the donor's a match and wheel me into theatre,

and they start counting down, THEN I'll be excited.

-You should have waited.

-I did but you didn't show up.

-We are equal partners.

-There are decisions...

-I should have cancelled the meeting because you can't get out of bed?

-Oh, come on, man!

-Where were you then?

I... I had a patient on AAU.

AAU? AAU is irrelevant right now, Michael.

We are THIS close to finalising the biggest deal of our careers.

-Yeah, sure. How close?

-September 12th.

He's set a date?

AND he wants a full business plan for Year One on his desk by this time tomorrow.

-Oh, right. So we're almost there.

-Right.

You and I are going to grab two litres of coffee, lock ourselves in that board room,

-and we're not coming out till we've compiled the sexiest dossier Hanssen has ever seen.

-Ah...

-Right now?

-Do you have a problem with that?

No, I just have a student who I'm helping with a research project.

Yeah, I'll cancel.

-Chantelle, Elizabeth.

-Yes, Sister?

Barry Bennett in bed three needs a group and cross match and IV fluids.

-I'd like you both to work together on this, please.

-Yay! Dream Team, right, Elizabeth?

I don't think it needs two of us to do that. That's not a good use of resources. I can take care of it.

I know I messed things up with her mum last week,

but I've said I'm sorry.

Why can't we just be mates?

Excuse me, mate. I'm looking for Chrissie Williams?

And you are?

Stephen, agency nurse.

Right. Yes. Of course you are. Good for you.

Hi, I'm Chrissie.

Where do you want me?

Chantelle, could you show Nurse Hopewell the locker rooms so he can get changed, please?

Sure.

Catch you later.

I'm agency too. You'll like it here. Everyone gets on dead well.

Since when did you have a problem with male nurses?

I don't.

Mmm? What was that all about, then?

What?

Is it because he's handsome? Are you jealous?

He's not THAT handsome.

Very smart, apparently.

-Excellent references.

-He can't be that smart.

Why, because he's a nurse?

All right. I don't have a problem with male nurses.

I just don't find it as...easy.

That's all.

It's like there's a natural order...

a flow.

When it's a male doctor, female nurse,

-it just feels more...

-Right?

Yes!

Remind me, why AM I going out with you?

Hey, it's me. Look, something's come up at work.

It's kind of an emergency, so it's not going to work out.

Tell Jasmine that I'm sorry, and I'll make it up to her. Bye.

So. What's she like to work with then? The Ginger Ninja?

Fine.

I imagine her managerial technique's a bit more stick than carrot?

Come on, man...

If I'm going to be playing the waiting game for five hours,

-it'll be a long wait, if that's what you'll give me.

-She's demanding, certainly.

-Bet you find your work rewarding?

-Why do I feel like I'm being interviewed?

COUGHS AND WHEEZES

Sorry. It's a force of habit.

I'm a Recruitment Consultant, it's what I find interesting.

Whether people are in the right jobs - are they realising their potential?

I've been doing this for some time, that ship has sailed.

You do realise we spend at least 20% of our lives at work?

Actually, as a junior doctor, that's more like 70%.

You don't want to be stuck in a job you don't find rewarding.

Life's too short.

Valentine.

Excuse me.

-So what's your name then, love?

-Nurse Tait.

That's not your name. What do your pals call you?

-Elizabeth.

-Elizabeth.

Elizabeth... I wouldn't have had you down as an Elizabeth.

No?

No. I'd have gone for something a touch more...exotic.

A name more befitting an African Queen like yourself.

Your pulse is a little on the fast side.

Can you blame me?

Tell you the truth, Elizabeth,

everything I do tends to be pretty fast, you know.

That's how I ended up in here. Taking a corner on my bike.

I'd like to order a urine test.

Are you always this serious?

I bet you've got a lovely smile, haven't you?

What's a guy got to do to see it?

Peeing in this pot would be a step in the right direction.

Listen, I've also got a bit of bruising,

but it's in a bit of an intimate area, if you know what I mean.

I don't know whether you want to take a look at it.

Why don't we wait and see what the urine test shows.

You're the expert.

Do you think I should go and help her out?

-How?

-Give her some back up with Pervy Pete over there.

I think if you want to get Elizabeth back on side, I'd leave her to it.

So 85% of our clients have rated us "outstanding" or "excellent",

10% have rated us "very good" and the other 5%...

Were your patients.

Was Rose Stanley.

We can absorb Rose Stanley. That had nothing to do with clinical error, she was a one-off - an anomaly.

Well, as long as we can get through the next eight days without screwing up.

-Quite honesty, unless the board have an aversion to clinical excellence and making money...

-This is the NHS.

KNOCK AT DOOR

Yep!

Sorry to interrupt.

Mr Spence, you left this in AAU.

I thought you might be missing it.

Thank you.

Also, you're needed downstairs.

Well, I'm sure that Mr Levy can handle it.

It really wants a consultant's attention.

Well, now is not a good time.

Well, that's a real shame.

Thanks anyway, Mr Spence.

Are you out of your mind?

So we got your results back

and your oxygen levels seem to be normal.

-Oh, great, so can I go?

-No.

Your blood results are not so normal.

What does that mean?

That means I'm sending you up to Darwin to run a few more tests.

No, have to go.

Yeah, yeah. The nurse is going to be here to take you up shortly.

Do something!

Um, I understand you have to be very cautious in these situations.

But it's absolutely vital that she gets on that flight.

Because she has a rare melanin disorder

and if she doesn't get enough sunshine she will die?

No.

You want to be a good friend?

Well, tell her to skip the flight and get her ass up to Darwin.

-Even by your standards, this is...

-Oh, relax.

-Her father is Sir Fraser Anderson!

-He could do to this project exactly what you're doing to his daughter!

-Hey! Listen to me.

I know what I'm doing.

It's not YOU I'm worried about!

You two have a little lovers' tiff, she goes crying to Hanssen, or straight to Daddy.

That is not gonna happen. Her dad doesn't know anything about us.

You better keep it that way!

Sunil, trust me. I've got this under control.

PHONE RINGS

Great.

Spence?

I thought my message was clear.

You can't cancel on half an hour's notice. She's been looking forward to this for weeks.

Obviously it's not ideal.

But you're the one that keeps complaining that you don't get to see enough of your kids.

If it was any other day.

-OK.

-She's just going to have to shadow me.

But, "A Day With My Mother's Significant Other."

-doesn't exactly have the same ring to it.

-So why can't we postpone?

The project has to be handed in tomorrow morning.

Can I get some money for hot chocolate?

Yeah, yeah, sure. Come on.

All right, Dad?

Yeah, All right. It's OK, Ric. I got it.

-Are you sure?

-Yeah.

OK. Jasmine, I'll see you later.

Laters potaters.

Oh, Dr Hutchison. How kind of you to drop by.

I was hoping that if you had a spare sec you might want to do some,

you know, medical stuff?

Or are you too busy?

A consultant needed me on Darwin.

Yeah, needed you for what? An urgent mouth-to-mouth?

Or pushing fluids?

You can't keep disappearing like that. Back me up here, Sacha.

Oh... Lulu...

You know, Eddi's right.

Your performance lately has been perhaps a touch below par.

I'm really sorry you think that.

God, I'm mortified!

The last thing I want is to let the team down in any way.

No. Exactly. Of course not.

Thank you for being so clear and so honest, Mr Levy.

From now on, I'll be on my game.

Well, you can make a start by taking a look at Mrs Piggott in bed six.

She's suffering from abdominal pains, and is nil by mouth. So IV fluids and a catheter please.

Right you are, Boss.

And I need you to sort these out.

Alphabetised and filed, ASAP.

It would be my pleasure.

-Doctor!

-Problem?

-Erm...

That other doctor wants to send me upstairs for tests,

but really, I think it's a waste of time.

Which doctor?

The scary looking one with the Emo thing going on.

Ah, Doctor Petrenko.

I know you have to be cautious, but I'm feeling SO much better.

Um...

Even by your standards, THIS is a special kind of mental.

But it'll take us 25 minutes to get to the airport,

that's assuming there's no traffic.

Assuming you don't die in the taxi.

Yeah, but you have to check in at least an hour in advance.

OK, you can hardly breathe. Now that's not a good sign.

Stop fussing, I'm only hyperventilating.

You saw that doctor, she said I was fine.

That doctor was on a different planet. I trust the Emo more than her.

-My flight...

-Look, Meels...

Then take a later one.

Come on, Meels, this is nuts.

Big-time nuts.

Macadamia Level.

Wait! Oh!

Meels!

-Is hovering in my eye-line your way of trying to get my attention?

-Peter's lung capacity's down to 20%.

-So if this donor lung isn't a match...

-Yeah, his absolute last chance.

OK, you should inform him, see if he wants us to call a rellie and all that.

I should? You're his consultant.

Your point is?

Look, it'll be good experience for you.

You need to start thinking about that CV.

-How long have you had the breathing problems?

-I don't know. Not long - a few days.

It's not serious. I've always been a hyperventilater.

Spent half my school career with a paper bag glued to my face.

Not literally glued though, right? That would be a bit weird.

How long have you two been together?

BOTH: Oh, no, no, we're not...

-We're not like that...

-We're just friends.

-Best friends.

-Since Freshers' Week.

-Don't ask us how long ago that was or I might have to kill myself.

OK, I'm going to run a chest X-ray.

Oh, there's no need.

It's just to be sure. OK?

We're still waiting for your notes.

But in the meantime, is there anything I should know?

-Any history with heart or lung disease?

-Nope.

Always been fit as a butcher's dog, haven't I, Hal?

Why don't you just tell them about your operation?

But it's nothing to do with that.

What operation is this?

So Darwin Ward is for people with heart and lung problems?

-It was, but it's going to be turned into a plastics ward.

-What about the people with heart and lung problems?

-How's your hot chocolate?

-Hot. And chocolaty.

-Am I boring you?

-No. Why?

-Because you've looked at your watch 15 times in the last two minutes.

-Jasmine, it's fine.

You don't have to do this. Nobody's making you.

Yeah, I know.

I bet Mum £2 you'd bail on me.

What?! Why would you think that?

Cos you always do.

MOBILE RINGS Come on, that is not fair. We going to talk about this.

Yeah, Sahira, what is it?

-It's not the most romantic gift you've ever received.

-Thank you.

See, no blood! Clear as Sauvignon Blanc.

-Do I win a goldfish?

-We'll still need to get it tested.

Sometimes blood can only be seen microscopically.

Oh, beauty AND brains!

I bet your beating suitors off with a stick, ain't you?

I... Um...

You're shy. I like that.

Oh, it's charming! And very rare these days.

I don't think that's appropriate.

Most girls are so in-your-face, but you...

Well, you're like a puzzle just waiting to be cracked.

The Enigma code in a starched-cotton uniform.

Cos I bet you look a lot different when out of your uniform, don't you?

Talking of which, I'd really like you to take a look at this bruising.

-I've done a proper job. Here...

-Hold it right there!

What do you think you're doing, trying to flash your bits and bobs at Nurse Tait?

I wasn't trying to flash at anybody!

She's a nurse and I want to show her my bruising.

I've spoken to Sister Williams, Elizabeth,

and she suggested I take over Mr Bennett's care.

She needs you to deal with another patient.

Oh, what a shame.

We're getting on like a house on fire, aren't we, Elizabeth?

Chantelle, a word, please.

What did you have to go and speak to Chrissie for?

I was just looking out for you.

I don't need you to look out for me.

Some dirty old perv tries to flash his nuts and makes totally gross comments -

I'm not just going to stand there and do nothing.

What kind of a mate would I be?

We're not mates.

We're colleagues.

It's fine, I don't mind. It means I win £2.

Come on, I keep telling you I'm not bailing on you.

Cool. So I can come with you, then?

Sit down.

My project's going to be really interesting.

"Had a hot chocolate, went home again." I'll get an A grade for that.

-Mikey?

-Wait.

-Sorry about earlier. I hope I didn't make it awkward with El Quiffo.

-No, it's fine.

I've been thinking,

and what we need is to get away from all this.

A weekend away, just you and me.

Have some "us" time.

What do you say?

Hi, I'm Jasmine Spence.

"Mikey's" daughter.

Uh, Jasmine, this is Dr Hutchison.

She and I work together.

Of course! You're here to spend the day watching Daddy at work?

I'm supposed to be, but he's trying to ditch me.

Is this true, Mr Spence?

I just keep telling you, I have to pop to the ward. I'll be back soon.

MOBILE RINGS

-Aren't you taking her with you?

-No.

-You can't just leave her here.

You got a better idea?

-I could keep an eye on her.

-You?

Why not? I'm great with kids.

I'm like a sexy Mary Poppins.

When I was first diagnosed, my residual lung capacity was 49%

and it's been falling on average about 5% every year,

so anything above 30 will be a bonus.

It's not good.

That's a little vague.

Are we talking far from ideal, a bit disappointing,

or shall I start writing my will?

Come on, Ollie, I'm a bloke. I love a statistic.

It's down to 20%.

So listen...

Peter, you know what this means. If the donor lung isn't a match...

At what capacity would you say you're living your life,

expressed as a percentage?

We're supposed to be talking about you.

It's a question we ask potential job applicants.

I've never thought about it.

You see, I know that I'm living my life

to its maximum capacity right now.

And that's all that matters, isn't it?

Peter, is there anyone I can call for you?

No.

Not yet.

What is so urgent?

Amelia Warner.

Who is that and what is she in for?

Difficulty breathing, chest pains. and suspected CT complications.

So what's that got to do with me?

Well, just over two months ago,

she had a breast augmentation, and you performed it.

For crying out loud, you've made us look like a bunch of absolute buffoons!

Discharging a patient with a PCO2 of 2.9?

She told me she was feeling fine.

She told you?! Oh, well, never mind her arterial blood results...

There's no need to be sarcastic, Mr Levy.

Believe me, Lulu, sarcasm is the only thing

between me and a mental episode right now.

Well. I'm going to reflect on what we can all learn from this.

Even though Dr Petrenko ran the tests on the patient

and assured me she was ready to discharge,

I should have checked the results myself.

Dr Petrenko?

I'm not blaming Friedes.

She's a very capable doctor.

But we all make mistakes.

And she's been through a lot lately.

She's not quite herself, is she?

And now, I'd better get back to my other responsibilities.

Thanks for the talk, Mr Levy.

Very...inspiring!

Filing?

Nearly done.

Just putting in the finishing touches.

Frieda, a moment, please.

-She came in with hyperventilation.

-Exactly.

-Is she an asthmatic?

-No.

Then it's a panic attack, you need me for that?

It doesn't feel like a panic attack. I'm thinking maybe a collapsed lung.

Firstly, that would've shown up right after her operation.

-And I'm not the kind of surgeon who accidentally pierces someone's lung.

-I'm not suggesting you are.

But the blood gases are giving me nothing. I wondered if you remember anything out of the ordinary?

I've done dozens of augmentations. I remember nothing about her.

If she's having breathing problems, that's your territory. So run a CT.

Come on, do your thing. I'm busy right now.

The last flight leaves at six.

Well, here's a crazy idea.

What if you don't go?

It's not like it's YOUR wedding.

It IS like it's my wedding.

The bride and groom are completely irrelevant.

I thought you would've figured that out by now.

Are you joking now? I'm not sure if I can even tell any more.

Everything I've done for the last eight months -

the hours on the treadmill, the starvation... These!

It's all been leading up to tomorrow.

For all you know, he's met someone else.

-No he hasn't.

-It's been eight months!

I check his status online every day. Sometimes twice.

And then there's THE text.

"Looking forward to seeing you at Kate and Jim's wedding."

"Looking forward."

To seeing me!

A talented wordsmith, then?

Right, Amelia. I'm going to book you in for a CT scan.

That way we'll have a better idea of what we're looking at, OK?

If I don't make it to Malaga,

if I don't make it to that wedding tomorrow, and I have to spend the rest of my life on my own,

I'm going to blame you.

A CT scan?

Mr Hamilton would like to check your pelvis and abdomen -

make sure you haven't shattered one, or both testicles, for instance.

You don't beat about the bush, do you?

Hopefully everything will still be in one piece - well, two pieces.

I've been riding that bike for years.

It's the first time I've ever had a prang.

I don't know.

Have you ever been on the back of a motorbike?

I used to go out with this guy Darren for a bit. He had a moped.

Well, it wasn't really his, it came with the job.

A moped?

Ha-ha! It's not the same at all!

I'm telling you,

you ain't lived till you've felt 70 horsepower between your legs.

I'll take your word for it.

Don't take my word for it.

I'll take you for a spin.

I'll warn you though, you'll have to hold on tight.

-I like to ride her pretty hard.

-I'm sure(!)

You'll have to put your arms around me like this.

Whatever you do, don't let go. Could be fatal.

HE LAUGHS CREEPILY

-I wouldn't, you know.

-We're just having a bit of fun, ain't we, Chantelle?

-You might be!

-You see that well-built man over there?

Yeah?

That's Mr Hamilton, and he is Chantelle's boyfriend.

What?!

They don't like to talk about it on the wards

because it doesn't look professional.

But what you should know is that his nickname is "Psycho" Hamilton -

for a very good reason.

So, we could play a game, if you like.

-Games are for babies and losers.

-Not all games.

Like, when I was your age, I used to like playing "I Spy"...

Are you my dad's girlfriend?

Yes, I am.

He's 42, you know.

I know.

-How old are you?

-22.

You're closer to my age than to his.

Yes.

So maybe rather than thinking of me as your dad's girlfriend,

you should think of me more like... a big sister.

-I think we could have fun, don't you?

-I'm starving.

-OK.

-Why don't we get you something to eat? What do you feel like?

-Chocolate or some crisps.

Oh, sweetie, no. That's not a good idea.

Cos then you'll get all big and fat.

(Boys don't like fatties.)

I bet you were fat when you were younger.

Don't be ridiculous!

I've never been fat.

And I never will be.

PAGER BEEPS

Oh, God, no!

80 milligrams furosemide.

What did you do to her?

I did nothing. YOUR patient ended up with pulmonary oedema

because someone overloaded her with fluids.

-She hadn't passed urine in hours.

-Yeah, because instead of putting the catheter into her bladder,

you stuck it into her...

Well... It's done now.

-So there's no point arguing about it, is there?

-No.

Cos you would lie anyway,

the way you lied about the discharge of Amelia Warner.

I don't know what you mean.

Course you do.

Honestly! You leave the ward for a two-minute loo break,

and all hell breaks loose.

Dr Hutchison, any sign of those patient files?

You were "just finishing them" an hour and a half ago.

-Sure. I'll just go get them.

-Mm.

Her oxygen saturation's getting worse by the minute.

I need to know what these lumps in her soft tissue are.

What if they are what's causing the inflammation?

Before we inflict the trauma of cutting the patient open again,

why don't we see how she responds to the steroid treatment?

-Silicone.

-What?

Silicone granulomas.

-That's what's causing the inflammation.

-What are they doing in there?

A perfectly normal side-effect of the procedure. Nothing serious.

The steroids should sort it out. Leave it with us.

Well, you'd know better than me(!)

Are you actively trying to sabotage us?

If she has silicone pneumonitis, that is serious and we need to fix it.

Not today we don't. If Hanssen and the board find out

you're responsible for a silicone embolism, then it's game over!

-I'm responsible?

-She's your patient, isn't she?

Yeah, all right, all right, fine. So what are you suggesting we do?

Tell her it's a routine side-effect, get the inflammation under control

and get her out of here till the internal review is over.

Unless you want her to blow this whole thing.

Why did you say you just popped out for two minutes?

Oh, I wouldn't worry about that.

We sat on the stairs for 13 minutes. I counted.

Well, I was having such fun it felt more like two minutes.

Does my dad know you tell lies?

-Look, Yasmin.

-Jasmine.

-Whatever.

Cut me some slack here, OK? Whether you like it or not,

I'm going to play a big part in your dad's life from now on.

Now, I know you like spending time with him,

so if you and I get along, that'll happen.

If we don't, not so much.

And take it from someone who knows.

Boarding school's not much like Hogwarts.

So. Why don't we play a game?

I already told you. Games are for babies.

Not this one!

How well do you know your alphabet?

I'm 11.

You and I are going to be great friends.

I can just tell.

So, it's a perfectly normal side-effect of an augmentation.

See? I told you there was nothing to worry about.

So it's normal to have problems breathing?

Well, the steroids should bring the symptoms under control.

But if the problems persist after a day or so, then come back in.

There's a flight at six. I could still make it.

I'm sorry, are you serious? You're letting her go?

Hopefully.

-Can I ask you a question?

-Sure.

When you look at her, do you see a human being, or just dollar signs?

-Hal!

-I'm not trying to be rude.

No, Hal! I'm sorry.

No. I'm sorry!

I'm sorry I've gone along with this ridiculous business.

I'm sorry I didn't tell you this was a terrible idea

when you first mentioned it.

-You told me it was a brilliant idea!

-I was trying to be nice.

-"Nice?" That's you all over, isn't it? "Nice"!

-What were you even thinking?

Butchering yourself like this! You looked better before!

What, when I was flat as a pancake? I looked like a 12 year-old boy!

At least you looked like you! Not some cheap porn star!

I'm surprised you even know what a porn star looks like!

You're such a sexless amoeba!

All right, all right, take it easy, take it easy.

MACHINE BEEPS

She's going into respiratory arrest.

We need to get her into theatre. Now.

Elizabeth?

I'm starting to feel a bit unloved over here.

I'm sorry to hear that.

Everyone else is getting the royal treatment.

It's enough to give a fella a complex.

Well, we still need to run a, er... CT scan.

You said that an hour ago. What's keeping you?

I'll just go and check with our orthopaedic consultant.

You mean Psycho Hamilton?

Sure there's no-one else?

-You are terrible!

-Don't know what you're talking about.

Wipe it off before someone sees.

Nurse Tait, I believe there's an intra-abdominal CT that needs doing?

Bed three, is it? Mr Hamilton.

How's it all going? You settling in OK?

I just wondered what people do for lunch round here?

I'm not sure what the nurses do.

I believe it's a Tupperware in the staff room sort of jobby.

Not sure if you're a Tupperware kind of guy. Chrissie?

Nurse Hopewell's wondering where he can get lunch.

Maybe you could show him the ropes.

It's leaked everywhere.

-It's an absolute mess. I've never seen anything like it.

-Of course you haven't.

You know how rare silicone pneumonitis is?

-Got to be some kind of fault with the implant.

-Why?

Because an implant doesn't just rupture like this.

Ever heard the expression, "A bad workman always blames his tools"?

It would take the tiniest nick from a scalpel as you were putting it in.

What other possible explanation could there be?

I made up a new game. Want to play?

It's a bit like snap, just instead of matching up the same cards,

you match up what's wrong with people.

Like fractured hip, and fractured hip.

You've done this on purpose, haven't you?

If you'd actually done your job yourself and not tried to get an 11-year-old to do it...

-Oh, my God, I'm screwed. What the hell is so funny?

-Your face!

-You look funny all the time, and not in a good way.

-That doesn't even mean anything!

It means you're an ungrateful little brat!

I don't even know why my dad likes you. You look like a big, fat, ugly horse!

Shut up!

Bite me!

-Where are you going?

-Lulu's getting her ass kicked.

-Because?

-No-one hits my daughter.

-What's your daughter doing here?

-Not now, Sunil!

-Michael, calm down. You sure you want to do this?

Hasn't enough damage has been done already?

I've spoken to the transplant team on Keller and they're going to run some final tests

to see whether or not the donor organ is a suitable match.

Do we know what happened. to the donor?

It was a car crash.

Man or woman?

Would you really want to know?

SPEAKS BREATHLESSLY: Clear.

Methodical. Tenacious.

Excellent communication skills.

Anyone tell you you're wasted as a doctor?

What else am I going to do with my life?

In four months' time,

when I'm used to my new lungs

and I'm back behind my desk, come and see me,

and I'll tell you.

I might just do that.

What do you think he's saying to her?

-"It's not me. It's you".

-She's horrible.

-Yup.

-Uh-huh.

-Yes, she is.

-Awful.

So you're not even going to listen to my side of the story?

You hit my child. What made you think you could do something like that?

It was an accident. You have to believe me.

I would never ever hit a child.

Why don't we talk about this later?

You should never make big decisions when you're angry.

That's what Daddy always says, anyway.

We will talk about this later.

But for now, you stay away from my child.

So you are actually going to spend some time with me now?

-Hey, kiddo, I'm sorry. They need me in theatre.

-I'm not bothered.

Come here.

C'mon.

Look, I know it's a drag but I'll be back by two o'clock.

-Promise.

-Well, in that case, it will definitely happen.

Why don't you dump me with another psycho girlfriend?

Hey, don't get smart with me.

Now Lulu has explained what happened. I know it was an accident.

-Come on, you're not serious?

-You got a problem, Mr Levy?

With all due respect, if someone hit my daughter...

Right, cos you're famous for being tough and assertive, aren't you?

-Petrenko, keep an eye on Jasmine, all right?

-What about my patients? Are they going to treat themselves?

I'm a consultant - a little respect!

So what did you tell her?

She woke up with one breast. I didn't have to tell her anything.

Though you should know she's talking about taking legal action.

She signed a disclaimer. She has no legal rights whatsoever.

-We'll just tell her she doesn't have a leg to stand on.

-That's it?

This woman has just been through the most traumatic experience

and all you're worried about is covering your backs?

She's right. We should do this the civilised way.

I don't care what you do but you have to contain this.

Olli, we just heard from the transplant team upstairs. We've got a green light.

That's brilliant news. I'll go tell him.

No, actually I'd like to tell him as his consultant.

-So you break the good news. I break the bad news. That how it works?

-Yeah, pretty much.

No, sorry. I think I should do this. It'll be good experience, no?

-Don't do this.

-What are you going to do? Fire me?

You don't appear to have any intra-abdominal injuries.

Just severe bruising and injuries to the pubic rami.

In English?

The bones at the bottom of your pelvis. Sorry, how did you...

Oh, well, you know. Took a corner a touch too fast.

Had an unexpected meeting with a tree, what can I say?

I'm a bit of a Boy Racer.

-You're not a motorbike man, then?

-Orthopods tend not to ride bikes.

-We see what they do to people.

-Don't know what you're missing.

I tell you, lads, I've yet to meet a lady that can resist the purr of an engine.

-I'll take your word for it.

-In fact, I wouldn't mind giving that sister a pillion.

For a bird of her age, she's not in bad nick.

Steady. That's my other half you're talking about.

Oh, sorry, I was under the impression you were stepping out with the younger model over there.

-Chantelle?

-That's the one.

Chantelle's about 12. Not really my bag.

Must have got the wrong end of the stick.

Honest mistake I'm sure, Mr Le Perve?

Is that how you pronounce it?

What's going on?

Is this meant to be funny?

Oi, you two!

Yeah, I can see you!

Is this your idea of a joke?

'Pepe Le Perve?'

Is that how you see me?

What's going on?

Peter! It's viable.

-I'm sorry.

-The tests are back. It's viable.

I knew it would be.

That's good news, isn't it?

I've been thinking about this for so long.

Every time I hear an ambulance go past I think,

what if that's it?

What if that's my lung?

And then you start to feel guilty

because that's someone's wife or husband or child and I'm just waiting for them to die.

He didn't die because of you.

So it's a he?

Some guy out there has died today

and they're going to stick his lung in me.

-Some stranger's lung.

-That's pretty much the size of it.

I know my lungs are completely useless, yeah, but they're MINE.

I just want them to fix themselves.

I'm afraid there's a 0% chance of that happening.

But if you don't have the op, there's a 100% chance you'll be dead by the end of the year.

-I don't know what's wrong with me.

-You're scared.

And that's completely understandable.

The question is, what are you more scared of?

Having the operation?

Or not having it?

-What on earth possessed you?

-It was my idea, Mr Griffin.

No, it was my fault. Chantelle was just trying to help me out.

Elizabeth tried to help me out. I took it too far.

It was only meant to be a joke.

It's really not Chantelle's fault.

Since you can't get your story straight,

maybe I should see what the patient has to say.

Nurse Spence, thank you for doing such a splendid job.

Now, I believe the fee we agreed was one chocolate bar

and a packet of crisps?

Two chocolate bars actually.

You drive a hard bargain.

Thank you.

Do you know why he let you off the hook this time?

Because it was an accident?

No, it's because of who your daddy is.

Michael wouldn't jeopardise his precious plastics project.

He's an American. It's all about kerching, kerching. Dollar signs.

I know it's probably hard for you to understand.

Oh, I understand. You're not the first.

And you won't be the last.

To tell you the truth, I probably deserved it.

Why?

Well, I never wanted to be middle-aged, you know?

I mean, middle-aged people are paunchy, balding,

sad fellas who wear slip-ons, do the gardening.

See, up here, I'm still the same bloke I was 30 years ago.

But you forget how the rest of the world sees you.

I used to be a charmer, you know.

Girls like that would have eaten out of my hand.

Now I'm just a dirty old man.

Well, the good news is that there's no intra-abdominal injury

so we can leave you in the hands of the orthopaedics department.

It could have been a lot worse.

Well, it certainly hurts enough.

How fast were you going?

25 miles an hour.

And did the tree just swerve into your path

or were you not wearing your glasses?

How did you know?

Oh, just a lucky guess.

I don't think there will be any complaints from Mr Le Perve.

-Why didn't you take them both out? Now I look like a freak.

-It's just temporary.

There was nothing wrong with the good breast and no point taking it out.

As soon as the scars heal, I'll replace the other one.

How long?

HOW LONG?

A few months.

A few months? I paid for these.

I put my trust in you to do your job and you screwed up.

Do you have any idea what this is going to do to my life?

I'm sorry. I know it's very difficult.

I want to talk to your boss. The other guy.

-He's not my boss.

-Well, then, I want to speak to whoever is.

This is a joke.

I'm going to sue you for everything you've got.

Everyone's going to hear about this.

-Dad said he'd be here by now.

-I'm sure he's on his way.

Ric will be here to collect me soon. What about my school project?

Well, how about we see how much we get done before he gets here?

How can we do that without Dad?

Easy. I work with him all the time.

I know exactly what he's like.

Come on, we'll do it together. It'll be fun.

-I've got to tell you, you have no legal case against us whatsoever.

-What?

Every surgery has its risks and you signed a disclaimer before we operated on you.

Now, we are not liable for what happened to you, so if you decide

to pursue this, you'll only be causing more stress and expense for yourself.

But if it's not your fault, then whose fault is it?

This was a purely cosmetic procedure.

You made the choice to have it.

No one made you.

PHONE RINGS

Ric? Wait! Wait there.

Damn it!

Hey. Just wanted to make sure you were OK.

Oh, I'm great. Never better.

I don't suppose Hal rang?

Sorry.

He's always been the guy who sorts everything out.

First night we met, he spent an hour and a half holding back my hair while I yacked my guts up.

We've all been there.

-But you've never been anything more than friends?

-God, no.

Hal's too good for me.

Have you seen Mr Spence anywhere?

Actually, don't worry.

-There you are! I've been looking everywhere.

-Shut up.

-What?

I'm going to say this to you in words of one syllable so you're entirely clear about my meaning.

You are dumped. You were a huge mistake.

-You don't mean that.

-Yeah, I do. I really do.

My only regret is that I didn't do this when Jasmine was here earlier.

I don't ever want to see you again.

That clear enough?

-You don't want to do this, Mikey.

-Oh, my God!

It's Michael.

Not Mikey, not Mike, just Michael.

Does Hanssen know about Amelia?

You know, the one whose boob job you made a total botch of?

-You wouldn't.

-You know he's going to find out.

Hanssen always does.

And when he does, it would probably really help if you knew

you could get Sir Fraser Anderson to smooth things over, wouldn't it?

You have no shame.

All you need to do is say, "Sorry Lulu, I don't know what I was thinking",

and I will put a little call in to Daddy.

You know how protective men can be of their little girls, right...

Mikey?

Bite me.

I've got to hand it to you, Mike, when you screw up, you really go for it!

You call Hanssen right now and you tell him that Lulu Hutchison

is a dangerous fantasist who is out to destroy you.

-You really think that's going to work?

-Do you have a better idea?

I don't care if he's in a meeting.

I want to speak to my father!

Tell him it's an emergency.

Mr Spence?

-Hal Nicolson. I'm a friend of Amelia's.

-Great. Excuse me.

-I just wanted to say I think the way you've treated her is disgraceful.

-OK, whatever you say.

Excuse me, I haven't finished.

-I think you have.

-Oi, listen to me!

Nobody made her have those implants, I know that, but it's not her fault they went wrong.

Now I'm not going to stand by and watch yet another man make her feel bad about herself.

She's worth 200 of you.

What do you want me to do about it?

I want you to take responsibility.

I want you to man up. I want you to admit to her that you screwed up.

-That's not going to happen.

-No? Well, screw you!

What the hell's wrong with you?

Take it easy.

Yeah, that's right.

Run away, you coward!

A bilateral undisplaced fracture of the pubic rami.

There's no treatment, so he'll just have to let it heal itself.

That's got to hurt. I'm surprised he's not screaming the place down.

I don't know. I've had patients walk around on a broken ankle for two weeks without realising it.

True enough.

I've played matches with a broken ankle and a fractured wrist.

I played 40 minutes with a fractured collarbone.

Ever done your metatarsal? Now that hurts.

Believe me, there's barely a bone in my body that I haven't smashed up at some point or other.

-Even my nose has been broken on three separate occasions.

-Four.

So, what's your sport? Or are you just spectacularly clumsy?

-Lacrosse.

-Lacrosse?

Lacrosse is not a sport, it's a game.

-A girls' game.

-I'm going to take a wild punt here, but, erm...

-rugby?

-Absolutely.

Lacrosse is about smashing people up with sticks.

Rugby's about grabbing each other's legs and trying to pull the other guy's shorts down.

But mine is the girls' sport? Hmm.

-I should really...

-Don't worry about your mum.

Have you seen the amount of security they've got on psych ward?

She's going nowhere.

OK, maybe one.

-A very quick one.

-Yay!

Mr Douglas called me.

So, you came to gloat?

What have I got to gloat about?

You said this was a bad idea

and now here I am,

a mono-boobed freak show.

-They're only boobs.

-To you they are.

Because I'm a "sexless amoeba"?

No. Because to most men they're the difference between hottie and minger.

Well, most men are idiots.

So, Jake's an idiot?

Jake is the King of Idiots.

Jake elevates idiocy to an art form.

Jake should change his name by deed poll to Big Fat Idiot Head.

That's the man I'm in love with you're talking about there!

Ach, you don't love him.

You just think you do because you're scared of being on your own.

Find me one person in the world who isn't.

Well, maybe you should find someone who loves you for who you are.

Who always has.

Who loves you for your flat chest

and your terrible singing

and your pale Irish skin

and who doesn't understand why you'd want to change a single thing about yourself.

Hey.

I owe you an apology.

You put your faith in me and I let you down.

The only person who screwed up here is me,

so if you want to sue me, you go right ahead and do it.

I'm not going to sue you.

But I do want you to do another operation.

Well, look, I already told you...

Not to put it back.

I want you to take this one out.

I want you to put me back the way I was.

Yeah, sure.

I'm not a terrible singer!

-Michael, I need you in that boardroom!

-How would your kids describe you?

-What?

How would your kids describe you? They'd call you brave, honest, decent?

-Where are you going now?

-I'm going to tell Hanssen the truth.

-Are you sure you want to do that?

-Yeah, I'm done lying.

There is a popular misconception that most Americans are stupid.

-There is.

-It's usually an easy theory to annihilate.

-I made a mistake.

-No, you didn't make one mistake, Mr Spence.

You made a catalogue of them. A litany.

I know you get perverse pleasure out of this, so why not just cut to the part where you fire me?

I've no intention of firing you. Not when our chances of FT status

depend to a dismayingly large degree on you and Mr Bhatti.

All right, so what's the master plan? I assume there is one.

I've just given a promotion to Lulu Hutchison.

To what?

I've told Sir Fraser that I don't feel we can offer his daughter the kind of

support that her "unique" abilities demand, so I've arranged for her to

be transferred to the cardiac department at St Thomas's Hospital, London, with immediate effect.

He's obviously tremendously proud of his daughter.

-And that's it?

-The Strategic Health Authority are watching our every move at the moment.

If Sir Fraser has any cause to doubt the integrity of the men in charge of plastics,

then the whole thing could easily deflate like...

Well, some metaphors are simply too obvious, aren't they?

This is the first and last time I clean up after you. Is that clear?

Very.

PHONE CHIMES

I'm sure you've heard by now

that I just been given a big promotion, so I wanted to hand back my pass.

Thank you, Lulu.

And thank you for all your...

your contribution to AAU. We're certainly going to miss your...

Oh, don't bother.

I know what you all think of me.

And, to be honest, I couldn't give a stuff.

Hanssen thinks I'm too good for this place and he's right. It's a dump.

You have all the authority of a water buffalo in scrubs.

You have hair like a lesbian, and not in a good way. And, you,

I think I'll miss you least of all.

I don't know what you are.

You're nothing but a skanky Russian weirdo.

Skanky Ukrainian weirdo.

Whatevs.

Adios, losers. I'm out of here.

Oh, and tell Michael Spence

he's a lousy lay!

Champagne, anyone?

It was very sweet of you to go to the trouble of calling him back in.

Ah, it was no hassle.

Do you think she had any idea?

-Of what?

-That her best mate was hopelessly in love with her?

A woman always knows.

My dad says being a surgeon isn't just a job, it's something called

a "vocation", which means you have to give your whole life to it.

You eat it, you sleep it, you breathe it and the only friends you have are the ones you work with.

10, nine, eight, seven...

Having a surgeon for a dad means I don't get to see him that much,

but that's because he's busy saving people's lives, which is kind of cool when you think about it.

Cooler than working in a bank or something anyway.

I acted like a jerk.

I screwed up.

Well, it was you this time. It could have easily been me.

We all make mistakes. The important thing is...

we're still in the game.

We've got a long night in front of us.

Bring it on.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

E-mail [email protected]