Equilibrium Holby City

Well done.

'One close colleague on Darwin'

who persuaded me that she was an essential asset.

Mr Douglas was particularly insistent I remember.

-All right, sis?

-He's done a runner from his YRO.

-YRO?

Yeah, it's like a community sentence thing.

Unless of course you'll be willing to let me mentor him.

I thought I would team you two up.

Sometimes you just have to listen to the patient.

'I make the calls here, not you.'

Hey, she's just a little bit upset.

This is your fault...ALL of it!

SHE BREATHES DEEPLY

Greg.

Have you seen Sahira?

I need her report on Anthony Camacho, the kid with the gun.

He's dead.

Yeah. So I need incident reports from you, from Rafi and Sahira.

Have to wait, I'm afraid. Been sent home.

-Who's been sent home?

-All of us.

You came back.

I was wondering where you got to.

Needed some time to think.

I bet you did.

-Are you at least going to let me try and explain?

-No.

I don't think I am. Not just yet.

YOU are not the only one who needs time to think.

We can't leave it like this.

-Where does it leave us?

-Right now, I'm not sure there is an "us".

-Does it hurt?

-My dignity more than anything else.

I'm sorry.

I'm not. If I was in Rafi's position I'd probably have done the same.

You OK?

Not really.

-You lost patients...

-It's more than that today.

Rafi can barely look at me, let alone talk.

-He's just angry. He just needs time...

-He wants to leave me.

I don't know what to do.

What do you want?

I...

PAGERS BEEPING

Ms Shah, Mr Douglas. Good, I'll get right to the point.

There's been an incident at a warehouse

on the Longhurst industrial Estate.

Multiple casualties, they're on their way here.

Do you need us?

Everyone's needed. All wards will be placed on alert.

-You and I have incoming in five minutes.

-What about me?

A man has been trapped under fallen debris.

The emergency services can't move him at the moment.

We need a Mobile CTU team there straight away.

-Well, I'll need an anaesthetist.

-You've got one.

Rafi, are you sure?

-CTU mobile is a specialist area...

-I am a specialist, remember?

That's what Consultant means. I guess you'll just have to trust me.

-It was open.

-Make yourself at home.

-Eddi'll be finished soon, I wanted some privacy. I didn't think you'd mind.

-What's all this?

Prep.

Got a meeting with my youth offending team officer tomorrow.

-Not in trouble are you?

-The opposite.

-I'm applying for early release from my YRO.

-Feeling rehabilitated?

Trapped more like.

Actually, it's mostly down to you.

Having this job, having a mentor, that kind of thing goes down really well.

So I was wondering, would you come along?

-To what?

-The meeting. You don't have to do anything.

Apart from tell them what a fully rehabilitated...

-PAGER BEEPING

-..and responsible member of the community I am.

-When is it?

-Tomorrow, 12 o'clock.

So?

Sure.

-Really?

-Yeah, course, why wouldn't I?

I don't think Eddi will be home any time soon.

-What is it?

-All ward alert.

-Duty calls.

-See you tomorrow.

MULTIPLE SIRENS WAILING

-Where are we going?

-'Just through this way.'

Through this way.

-Straight up?

-Yes.

Guys, hold off until we make the scene safe, OK?

-Mr Marsh?

-Lucas. It's Lucas.

METAL CREAKING

I'm Sahira Shah, trauma surgeon. To my right is Dr Rafi Raza.

-Can you tell us what happened?

-I don't really remember. Stuff falling...

-Where's Caitlin?

-Who's Caitlin?

That's my wife.

I told them I wanted to see my wife.

Someone will let her know what's going on.

First we need to let you know what the situation is.

I know what the situation is, I'm dying.

I want to see my wife.

-Say goodbye.

-Well, you can tell her yourself back at the hospital.

GCS is dropping.

We need to get him out.

How? Can't get in to put a collar on, let alone a spinal board.

Someone needs to go in to support his head and neck. Not until this wreckage is been moved.

CREAKING METAL

-SHOUTS:

-Quickly guys!

What are you doing?!

-We have to wait, it's not safe! We have to wait...

-We don't have time!

-He's going into shock. He could stop breathing.

-You don't know that!

Sahira!

Exciting, isn't it?

I can hardly contain myself.

An all ward Clinical Incident alert.

Not knowing what might come through the door.

Yeah, people are hurt, dying - exciting stuff(!)

Is this a Clinical Incident patient?

The only incident Mr Oakshot's had is currently running down his leg.

-Bed two's free.

-Transfer from ED.

Raised temperature, slight pain in his abdomen

and passed a little blood in his stool this morning.

Let's prep for a gastroscopy, just to be on the safe side.

Gastroscopy? Can I assist?

Yeah, OK.

Follow me.

When I said "assist" this isn't exactly what I had in mind.

You'll get your chance.

Mr Oakshot, I just need you to lie down for us.

-Call Mr Malick!

-Mr Malick!

OK, Mr Oakshot.

-Talk to me, what going on?

-He vomited blood.

-BP 90/40.

-He's Hypotensive, bleeding internally.

-He's hypovolemic.

-OK, Get bloods. Push them through.

A varix must have blown.

Sengstaken tube, right now, please.

-His pulse has stopped.

-Starting compressions.

Call the crash team.

-Up on red, up on black.

-Up on red, up on black.

Left on red...down on red.

Mr Marsh, we're going to move you.

CREAKING

OK, Mr Marsh? Lucas?!

He's not breathing! Let's get him out of here now!

One...two...three...move. One...two...three...move.

One...two...three...roll.

Down...lift.

Let's get him on the trolley. He's still not breathing.

I'm on it!

Why aren't you intubating?

You went through that to protect his C-Spine to have me shove a tube down his neck?

Cricothyroid.

RUSHING GAS

Still nothing.

-Come on, come ON.

-Breathing, let's go, let's go.

Er, bed three.

-Good evening, Mr...

-Zimmerman. Andrew Zimmerman.

-Like it says on his name board in big letters.

-I'm Mr Hemingway, what seems to be the problem?

There was an accident.

A load of metal units and wood pallets come crashing down, pretty much on top of me.

You got off lightly, then.

-Did the Paramedics let your wife know?

-My wife? Not that I know of.

-I can call her if you like.

-It would only worry her.

You do have some deep splinters. Shouldn't be difficult to remove but it will be painful.

We'll give you a local anaesthetic and some morphine. 10 milligrams.

No. No morphine.

-Allergic?

-Yeah, something like that.

-Doesn't say that in your notes.

-Then the notes are out of date.

Paracetamol and Ibuprofen will be just fine.

Trust me, you'll need something stronger than that.

Like I said, that'll be just fine.

One...two...three...breathe.

I'm calling it.

Time of death...

-No, we have to keep going.

-Dr Lo?

-What do you think you're doing?

-We have to keep trying.

There's no point. He's dead.

-Time of death?

-23.25.

'BP 90/65,'

pulse 100, sats 96, C-Spine, chest and pelvis X-ray.

-We will also we need to do a head and chest CT.

-Got it.

-You couldn't intubate him?

-GCS dropped from 11 to 6, initially 14.

-Breathing stopped so Rafi...

-Performed a Cricothyroidotomy.

That's nifty, well done. Right, I'll take over from here.

Take a rest, Wonder Woman. Eat a cupcake.

I'll see you upstairs.

"Nifty"? High praise indeed from Jac.

White coffee, please.

I'll go home. Let Magda get off.

You're going?

Somebody has to.

What's that supposed to mean?

Just what I said. One of us has to go home to our kids.

-Implying that I don't want to?

-I don't know.

What was that back there, Sahi? You got a death wish?

I was doing my job.

Your job is to save people's lives not throw your own away.

-It was a calculated risk.

-It was reckless!

You don't understand.

But Greg does?

This isn't about that.

Isn't it? There's a reason this happened.

-A reason you and he...

-Nothing happened.

But it could have. Right?

You knew there was something between you...

and instead of stopping it, walking away,

you bring me here, right into the middle of it.

Was that a "calculated risk" too? Or was it reckless?

Maybe there is part of you that wanted this to happen.

Me to find out.

-And why would I want that?

-You tell me.

-Because you're right about one thing.

-I don't understand.

I don't understand any of it.

Ah!

Ah! Ugh!

All right, Mr Zimmerman?

Fine...ah!

All right, last one coming up.

Ahh.

Argh! AH!

There we go. There we go.

-Andrew?

-Shelley?

I heard about it on the news. Why didn't you call me?

-I didn't want to worry you. I know that you hate hospitals.

-Me?

You must be Mrs Zimmerman?

Mrs? No. Not yet anyway.

Shelley's my fiance.

Fiance?

Yeah, if you don't mind, we'd like a bit of privacy.

-Yeah, I bet you would.

-OK, we'll leave you alone to catch up.

-No wonder he didn't want me to call his wife!

-Not our business.

Last time I checked, Bigamy was still illegal.

Until they're married, no crime's been committed.

Men.

SHE EXHALES All right?

No. Still no word from Liam.

-I've been trying to call him, tell him I've been held up.

-He knows.

He's at my place. Or at least he was. That a problem?

No. Except according to the terms of his YRO, he has to stay with me,

whether he likes it or not.

I mean you should know that. You're his mentor, remember?

Not for much longer hopefully. The YRO bit, not the mentor bit.

What are you talking about?

He's applied to have his order rescinded.

You didn't know?

-No.

-Right. Well, it's a good thing though, yeah?

-Yeah.

-Yep.

Didn't know you smoked.

Only in times of stress.

It's a weakness.

Not your only one.

Yeah, you've made your point.

Look, it's not what you think.

Really? What was it, then? A dalliance? Harmless flirtation?

A meeting of minds?

-I don't know.

-You don't know.

-Sahira's my friend.

-She's my wife.

-I'm sorry, I don't know what to say.

-Do you love her?

-What?

-Are you in love with her?

Yeah.

At least I know now...

..and maybe you do too.

Oh, Mr Douglas.

Oh, morning, Mr H.

Morning.

Please tell me you didn't sleep here last night.

I wasn't sleeping.

What's the matter?

Do you think I'm a coward?

I think you're many things but a Coward...

No. Why?

I had a...dream last night.

I was standing in front of a door. I wanted to go through it but...

I couldn't.

Well, in basic dream theory locked doors represent opportunity denied.

Someone or something is blocking your progress.

-It wasn't locked, I just couldn't...

-Take the leap of faith?

So I've been lying here, thinking about it.

Thinking about what was stopping me.

-That's where you've been going wrong right from the off.

-How's that?

You don't think about taking a leap of faith. You just take it.

Thanks.

My pleasure.

HE GRUNTS AND SPLUTTERS

-Mr Zimmerman...

-No morphine.

No, I understand that

but the Paracetamol and Ibuprofen isn't working.

It says here you were treated with Diclofenac

for gallstones, seven years ago.

-Yeah.

-It won't take away all of your pain away

but it should levitate the symptoms somewhat

and we can dose as required.

-I appreciate that.

-He will need food before he starts medication,

you might want to buy a sandwich from the vending machine.

You all right?

Fine, thanks.

You don't look it.

-Trust me, I'm a doctor.

-Really?

Yes, really.

Right now I'm exhibiting signs of a central nervous ischaemic response

triggered by inadequate oxygenated blood in the brain.

What does that mean?

-It means I'm feeling a little faint.

-Gotcha. I'll be on my way then.

Sorry, I didn't mean to be rude.

I'm just feeling...

A bit...silly?

You look all right.

You might want to see a Doctor about that ischaemic thing though.

-Good morning, Ms Shah.

-Is it?

I have no reason to suspect otherwise.

Ms Naylor informs me that CTU excelled itself last night.

For which you are to be commended.

-You look tired.

-I am tired.

Well, if it's work...

-What did you say to Rafi?

-You'll have to be more specific.

Why did you tell Rafi there was something going on with me and Greg?

-I did no such thing.

-Don't lie to me, Rafi said...

Your husband was being imprecise.

Dr Raza accused me of forcing you to remain at this hospital against your better judgement.

I simply pointed out to him that, in the specific example he cited,

there were others whose influence mattered more.

It's the same thing and you know it. You wanted Rafi to be suspicious.

I've known you for 15 years, you've been married for 7 of them.

What possible reason could I have for wanting to jeopardise your relationship now?

And I suggest you ask yourself the same question.

-I didn't want this.

-And yet it's happened, hasn't it?

I suggest you examine what it is you did want when you encouraged this...

added complication in your life.

-Are you looking for someone?

-Yeah.

Erm, Sahira Shah.

Well, that makes two of us.

-Are you a patient of hers, Ms...?

-Caitlin.

No, I'm not a patient, she left me some messages about Lucas Marsh.

-I think there was an accident last night?

-Warehouse?

Would you like to take a seat here?

-Can I get you tea or coffee or something?

-Erm...

No, no, no, I'm fine. Thank you though. Thanks.

Sahira, this is Caitlin. She's here to see Lucas Marsh.

Of course. He's her husband after all.

-EQUIPMENT BEEPING

-Is he in a coma?

No, he's just heavily sedated.

We wanted to give his body as much rest as possible.

Lucas has been through quite an ordeal.

We are going to decrease the sedation soon to see if he responds.

So, I should stay?

Did you have to be somewhere?

Well, no.

Not really. It's just...

..I wasn't sure he'd want to see me.

It's all he could talk about.

-Something wrong?

-No, I guess not, no.

We've been separated for quite some time.

I've barely spoken to him in a year.

-Why didn't you tell me?

-It was supposed to be a surprise.

I'll tell you what was a surprise, you not returning my calls.

-I told you I was busy.

-Too busy to call?

-You told her about the meeting?

-I didn't know it was a secret.

-Now she's fretting, wants to come!

-Maybe she just wants to help.

And SHE'S right here, you know.

I'm sorry.

I didn't tell you cos I didn't want to get your hopes up. Get my hopes up.

I didn't mean to hurt you, OK?

Of course it's OK and of course I want to help,

which is why I got you these..

-A tie? Really?

-Yeah!

There's something wrong!

-What's happened?

-I don't know.

He was fine then he felt sick and couldn't breathe properly.

Tachycardic?

500 micrograms Adrenaline, intramuscular.

-What's happening to him?

-He's going into anaphylactic shock.

-Why?

-I have no idea.

Breathing unaided, signs are good. Should wake up any minute.

How are you doing?

I'm OK, I guess.

You?

Could do with a drink!

-Now?

-Well, not now, obviously.

Whenever.

-Look, Sahira...

-What are we doing?

Having a conversation.

Is that what we've been doing?

Having conversations but never really talking.

Talking's not my strong point...

..but I'm trying.

Now.

Why?

Because I love you.

Where am I?

Mr Marsh, good to have you back. How do you feel?

-Like I made it.

-You did.

Try to rest.

Lucky for you, there were no serious fractures

but your body's been knocked about a bit.

I want to book you in for another CT scan.

-Where's Caitlin?

-I'll go and get her.

Blood sugar? The cupcake.

I always find my blood sugar levels dropping this time into the shift.

I'm hungry, not diabetic.

I'm sorry, I'm just...

-There he is again.

-Who?

Ronald McDonald.

That's not Ronald McDonald, that's Roger!

C'mon, I'll introduce you.

You'll love Roger. Roger! He's a regular up on Paeds.

He works a lot with kids that have leukaemia - that sort of thing.

He's the loveliest man you'll ever meet.

Roger! There's someone I'd like you to meet.

Tara Lo, this is Roger Delaney. Roger, this is Tara Lo.

Pleased to meet you...

again!

-Are you all right?

-Bit tired.

I've just finished the Day Surgery staff kids party

-and then before that it was the ED!

-HE CHUCKLES

Maybe you should call it a day?

I can't! I've got Paediatrics and Oncology at 7.30 -

it's my big finale.

-Roger?!

-Not again.

Roger, can you hear me? Roger?

Lucas...

..you're all right.

I am now.

I thought I'd lost you.

Lost me?

Can't get rid of me that easy.

Where's Danny?

What?

Where's Danny? I thought you would have brought him with you?

What is this?

Where's Danny?

Caitlin?!

Mrs Marsh...

you can't just walk away, he's your husband.

-Is this some sort of sick joke?

-Caitlin? Who's Danny?

He's my son, he's our son...

Where is Danny?

He's dead. He died two years ago.

Is he going to be OK, now?

Let's hope so.

What's wrong with him?

Luc...

-Sandwich.

-Sorry?

The sandwich you got him. What was the filing?

Egg and bacon.

But he's allergic to egg.

-Did you not see the big sign with "no egg" written on it?

-No, he's not.

I've given Andrew eggs hundreds of times.

Is anaphylactic shock the new way to say "I love you"?

-He's not allergic to eggs!

-It's in his patient notes.

-Right, well, the notes are wrong.

-Right, we'll monitor him closely.

Whoa, check you out. Has anybody seen my brother?

I feel like a right idiot.

Yeah, well, you look rehabilitated and that is all that matters.

-Is it lunchtime already?

-Nah, I'm meeting my Liaison first.

-You're not up for a couple of hours.

-Right, have you got an address?

Yeah, it's on your desk. So, what do you think?

How do you feel?

Like I'm pretending to be something I'm not.

Where do you live?

27 Frederick Street.

And where are you now?

Holby City Hospital. Where's Caitlin?

If you'll just answer the questions...

I am answering questions. Why won't you answer mine?

What's the last thing you remember before the accident?

Warehouse.

Yeah, I remember noise...

Falling and then...

..nothing.

-Where's my son?

-Mr Marsh, what's the date?

Date?

-Today's date.

-3rd April?

Well, it's actually the fourth now but that's close enough.

-What year?

-2010.

-And why didn't you take him to ED?

-I felt kind of responsible.

-How?

-I shook his hand.

-You had to be there.

-He passed out, didn't he?

Yes, he did.

Then he woke up, then he felt fine and wanted to go home

and they all lived happily ever after.

Well, you've certainly improved. Your BP's fine...heart rate too.

In fact, I'm not sure why you even collapsed in the first place.

"Central nervous ischaemic response

"triggered by inadequate oxygenated blood in the brain."

(Heard it's been going round.)

Still I think we should run some tests just to be on the safe side.

Really, there's no need.

I don't want to waste any more of your time.

Get back in bed, Bozo.

You're not going anywhere till Dr Lo gives you a clean bill of health.

Me?

Yeah, you broke it, you bought it.

Post-traumatic amnesia is the type you see in movies.

Bang on the head, forget your name, type thing.

It's not always as simple in practise

but it's the most likely diagnosis in this case.

So what happens now?

He's still asking for you.

And?

You don't expect me to go back in there do you?

And say what?

Hey, Lucas, sorry about this, but it's actually 2012 not 2010.

Quite a bit's changed.

Your son, who you adored,

-who would have turned six just last week, he's dead...

-Caitlin?

-..and your wife, who loved you so much it hurt, can barely look at you.

-Caitlin?

Sorry, I don't understand...

amnesia?

How can he forget?

How could anyone forget?

Some things, some memories are just too hard to bear.

The mind tries to forget about them, WANTS to forget about them.

If you had a choice...wouldn't you?

I'd change it if I could but I can't forget it.

There's a difference.

Excuse me.

Sahira.

-I should probably go.

-What I said earlier...

I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable.

You asked what we were doing, what this was about. Well...

..that's what it was about for me.

PAGER BEEPING

It's Lucas.

Colder.

-Here?

-Freezing.

-Here?

-HONKING HORN

-HE CHUCKLES

-People are looking.

Good!

They'll get to see you smile.

-Stop it.

-I'm serious!

You should smile more.

You need to smile more.

-What's that supposed to mean?

-You're very serious for someone so young.

Touched a nerve?

-What's the matter?

-I'm fine.

You can talk to me, you know.

You're my patient.

Erm, not your average one though, am I?

One of my patients died earlier. It was my first.

-First patient?!

-First patient death.

Hm. Everyone dies eventually, Dr Lo.

Not on my watch.

BEEPING ALARMS

-No change.

-How long without output?

-Three minutes.

-OK, charge to 360.

Clear.

RHYTHMIC BEEPING

-Sinus rhythm.

-Get him down to Radiology, we need an urgent CT scan.

All non-essentials are to be put on hold.

What happened?

-I don't know.

-I thought you said he was going to be all right?

I thought you didn't care?

I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that.

I don't know what to do.

'He never cried once,'

just withdrew.

He blamed you?

Blamed me, blamed the world...

most of all blamed himself.

I can forgive him for leaving me,

I can't forgive him for making me hate him.

Why did you stay here ?

Did you see how he looked at me earlier?

-Like he needed you.

-Like he loved me.

Hard to walk away from someone who looks at you like that.

Ascending Choledocholithiasis!

I thought it was gallstones at first -

gallbladder's enlarged but I wasn't sure.

Any other symptoms?

When he collapsed he was sweating quite heavily.

Indicates the presence of fever and chills.

-Put that together with his jaundice...

-Jaundice?

Yeah, I thought it was an effect of his face paint at first

but it's all over...

-When you palpated his abdomen, was it tender?

-No...

-not particularly.

-Not particularly or not at all?

Was there Murphy's sign present?

No.

You don't think it's Gallstones, do you?

Are you familiar with Courvoisier's law?

In the presence of an enlarged gallbladder which is non-tender

and accompanied by jaundice, the cause is unlikely to be gallstones.

And when Courvoisier's Law is manifest, what is the probable diagnosis?

I told him not to worry.

That everything was going to be fine.

What am I going to tell him?

Nothing.

We don't know anything until further tests and...so neither does he. OK?

KNOCK ON DOOR

Liam!

-Where were you?

-Working.

-The YOT meeting.

-Yeah.

-Is it too late?

-A little bit.

-Sorry, I got caught up.

-I can see.

-Did it go OK?

-Fine, yeah, whatever.

-Good, good.

-You didn't need me there anyway then?

-Didn't need you at all.

They give you any idea when they might...? Sorry. PHONE RINGS

-Look, I'll let you get on.

-Yup. Hello?

Mrs Zimmerman, thank you so much for getting back to me.

No, I won't take up too much of your time...

Mr Delaney.

Mr Delaney? This has turned serious.

No, not serious at all, we just need to run a series of tests.

-That won't be necessary.

-Nurse Lane?

-Dr Lo, really...

-FBCs, U&E, amylase, glucose and calcium.

Plus LFTs an ESR and a CT scan...

-Please, listen to me...

-..and we'll need an ultrasound...

I was diagnosed with stage three pancreatic cancer

at Hugh's private hospital four months ago.

-Cancer?!

-'Fraid so.

-Sorry, I didn't know.

-No-one does.

It's not something you want to shout from the rooftops.

I'm sorry, I tried to tell you but I just couldn't.

Are you in treatment?

I was, I discontinued it...

six weeks ago.

-You've given up?

-No, made a choice.

Hard to complete a forward somersault and tumble combo

while on a course of chemotherapy!

The fainting was almost certainly due to my illness.

I didn't mean to waste your time. I'm really sorry.

-Who said you wasted anyone's time?

-Well, all the tests...

Oh, we're still doing the tests. We don't know for sure what caused you to collapse.

It could be an illness, it could be a complication

or it could be something completely new.

'Where's Shelley?'

Gone to get something to eat.

She's very worried about you.

-She loves me.

-Does she know you?

What's that supposed to mean?

-She doesn't think you're allergic to eggs but it says you are here.

-It's only a very mild allergy.

Mild about anaphylactic shock? You might have died.

In fact, if you had died,

we'd have contacted your next of kin according to your notes,

which is a Mrs H Zimmerman.

Your wife.

Does Shelley know about her?

-You leave her out of this.

-Sorry, who? Shelley or your wife?

I don't have a wife.

No, but Andrew Zimmerman does.

In fact I've got her number right here. Do you want to try calling her?

I'll save you the trouble.

I spoke to Mrs H Zimmerman,

she assured me that her husband moved to Dresden three years ago.

So, the question is, if he's Andrew Zimmerman...

who are you?

-Did you...?

-He's in the CT scanner right now.

-Thank you.

Been talking to Caitlin.

-Thought she was going?

-No.

She's not going to go. She loves him.

Or at least she thinks she does.

Must be hard.

You were good with her. Before. You know, she was...angry,

in a lot of pain.

-You have a way, a charm.

-You do know that's bedside manner.

I am...more than that.

I mean you get people.

It's a gift.

I don't get you.

Yes, you do.

Yeah, maybe I do.

You don't love me.

I'm sorry.

Don't be.

At least I now know.

If I don't...

What was I thinking? Why take the risk?

How can I hurt him like that? Hurt someone I love...

-Unless...

-You don't love him.

Or maybe you've just forgotten?

Either way, you need to work it out.

I wasn't trying to steal anything, just...hitch a ride on someone else's name.

Andrew's name.

He was a neighbour of mine. We didn't really know each other but...

I knew he'd emigrated, so when a credit card turned up in his post...

-You stole it.

-I didn't take his money.

I took his name.

With a credit card and a few utility bills, you can get a bank account.

And with that you can get a new life.

You can, literally, become a new person.

A better person.

You don't need a new name, to become a better person

unless you're running away from something.

-Yeah, well, no-one got hurt.

-Apart from you.

That's my choice, isn't it?

-You won't tell anyone about this, will you?

-Not my business.

She deserves to be happy.

I need your name. Your real name.

I need to know who you were in order to treat who you've become.

-No, I can't...

-You must. ALARM BEEPS

It's happening again. Give me the name.

Whatever it is, it can't be worth your life.

Come on.

-It's happening again?

-500 micrograms adrenaline, IM again.

-Pulse is 120.

-100 milligrams hydrocortisone.

-Is that going to make him better?

-No, not really.

-"Not really"?!

It'll counteract it, it won't stop it recurring. Discontinue medication.

Antibiotics, pain relief, fluids. The lot.

-What's that going to do?

-Buy some time.

-Sahi?

-Hey.

-You all right?

-Yeah, I'm fine. Just long day...

I've just been to see Hanssen.

Oh, yeah? What about?

A few things. It was constructive.

-Can you spare me some time?

-Yeah, of course.

-It's just, you know, I'm busy.

-You're always busy.

-Sahira, it's important.

-You're not wearing...? Did you come in to work?

No, I came in to resign.

CT Scan.

Is it serious?

Well, it appears to...

Yes...

yes, It's serious. We could operate but...

If there's something you'd like to say to him, say it now.

Thank you...

..for being honest.

I need a theatre slot asap. and a GS consult.

(Fine.)

Hey, Mr Zimmerman's BP is falling and his pulse is rising.

That'll be the pain relief wearing off.

How long are we going to discontinue that?

As long as it takes to isolate the source of the allergy.

And the antibiotics? I mean, the risk of infection...

Is less than the risk of anaphylactic shock.

OK.

Oh, have you spoken to Liam? He's not answering his phone.

-I saw him when he got back from his meeting.

-How did it go?

I don't know, he seemed happy.

You weren't there?

-No, I got distracted.

-What?

-He didn't seem fussed.

I really don't have time for this conversation.

Thank you.

The hematoma is on the aorta between the thoracic...

To the Abdominal. Yes, I can see that, thank you.

I need a GS consult. Mr Griffin...

-That will be taken care of. Have you arranged a theatre?

-Yes.

Something else?

-Rafi says he offered you his resignation?

-Yes, he did.

-And you accepted?

-I did.

-Why?

-That's a conversation you should have with him.

-I'm just asking why you accepted...

-Well, he made a convincing case.

It's the best thing for him, the best thing for the hospital

and the best thing for you, Ms Shah.

What's that supposed to mean?

You have a singular opportunity here.

You have a singular capability.

Your husband realises that, even if you don't.

Dr Raza coming here has caused complications.

I think a surgical ward is not the best place

for domestic entanglements.

His resigning will help to clarify matters

so we can all return to focusing on what's really important.

And what's that?

A sense of equilibrium.

Control.

That will be all, Ms Shah.

Hey, Tara Lo.

What do you think you're doing?

Tara, it's over.

It's OK, there's nothing you can do.

-The tests...

-Have been done. You can't change them.

-There are treatments.

-And there's quality of life.

-You won't have a life in three weeks if you don't do something!

-It'll be the same in three months.

-You don't know that. Please, let me help you.

-You know what will help?

Let me see that smile.

-How can you expect me to smile?

-Let me show you.

Come and watch me do my thing.

Let me show you my choice.

I can't. I'm sorry.

Me too.

Resume antibiotics, discontinue the Diclofenac.

-Isn't that the pain relief?

-Yes.

-But...

-Could you give us a minute, please?

Yeah, let's go. Come on, it's fine.

Your fiance is right, the pain will be considerable.

I can take pain.

I know you can.

You saw?

It doesn't have to be that way again. YOU don't have to be that way again.

-If you just talked to Shelley.

-No! No! She mustn't know.

I've already lost one family...

She might be able to help.

She already has.

Then maybe I can help too.

I understand your fear of your morphine...allergy

but there might be a possible compromise.

-Combination of Naproxen with Codeine Sulfate...

-No, no!

The combination should be safe.

For a man with strength of will.

Nurse?

Naproxen and codeine sulphate.

Er, security's just called. Someone's trashed your van.

You're joking?

-You speak to Hanssen?

-Yeah.

-Get a Consult?

You want to tell me why you resigned?

Why Hanssen's in it up to his neck?

Henrik had nothing to do with my decision. Apart from okaying it.

Then?

When I got home last night there was an email from Paul Matheson.

Nottingham? What did he want?

Me. He was offering me the job, again.

And I accepted.

You did what?

What can I say?

It was impulsive.

-I was in a mood, to say the least.

-You were in a mood?

So you just made a life changing decision for the family.

Without consulting us. What were you thinking?

That I was leaving you.

And then I woke up this morning, or rather, Indy woke me up,

So, I made breakfast for the kids...

I put on ZingZillas...

I missed you.

I missed us. The way it used to be.

So, I thought, "Why not make it like it used to be"?

By resigning?

By...giving up your career?

I'll give up a lot more than that for you, Sahi.

I can't ask you to do that.

You didn't. That's the point.

You don't want me to give it up.

-Greg?

-No, it's nothing. It's not Greg.

-Then what?

-I don't know.

-Me?

-No!

No, I don't know. I don't know why I did this.

Why I hurt you, myself, the kids...

-You think you'll do it again?

-No.

-PAGER BEEPING

-Theatre's ready.

-Go.

-No. I want explain.

-Just go.

-Why?

-Why do you think?

-The YOT meeting? He said it went well.

-He lied.

-Why would he do that?

-Because he's human, because he's a kid,

because you let him down when he needed you most.

-You're defending this?

-No, I am explaining.

Well, Liam can explain it - to the police.

You are a piece of work!

He's not my responsibility, he's not my brother.

No, but you gained his trust and then you betrayed him.

And now, cos he kicked off, you want to throw him to the wolves?

I knew you were cold, all right?

I knew you liked to keep your distance

but I didn't think you were cruel.

Hey.

(Caitlin.)

I'm here.

Where's Danny?

Nursery.

On a Tuesday?

-Yeah, on the first Tuesday of every month cos I'm at...

-Book club.

Does he know what's happened?

Erm, a little bit.

Just that his Daddy's been involved in an accident and...

he won't be back for a few days.

But you will be back.

A Ukrainian, a Chinese and a clown walk into a hospital...

I know you're there.

Sounds the like a beginning of a joke, huh?

A bad one.

If it's any consolation,

I reacted even worse to the death of my first patient.

It never gets any easier.

You just get accustomed to it.

-You'll be all right.

-I'm hiding in the toilets

because I couldn't accept a man I'd just met was going to die of cancer.

How is that all right?

I used to hide in the morgue.

SHE LAUGHS

The morgue? Really?

Yeah, it was like second home.

Maybe I'll try there next time?

Yeah, I'll show you the best crypt.

What are you doing here?

-You asked for a GS Consult, did you not?

-Yeah.

I just didn't think that...

-What are you doing here?

-Surgery.

-I've asked Ms Naylor to lead on this.

-You can't, he's my patient.

Correction, was your patient.

An aortic haematoma of this size and complexity

requires a level of focus, which, after recent events,

I'm not sure you're able to display.

I did warn you that domestic entanglements have no place in a surgical theatre.

-Aren't you supposed to be...?

-Hanssen bumped me for Jac.

-Oh.

-"Oh"? Is that all you can say? "Oh"?

Apparently I'm not "focussed" enough,

apparently there's no place for "domestic entanglements" in theatre.

A singular opportunity? Singular capability.

How many times do I have to hear that same old song?

What do I have to do to get him off my back?

Out of my head?

There's nothing you can do. It's just what Hanssen does.

SHE LAUGHS

What? What's so funny?

I should be angry.

And you're not?

Furious. That's what's funny.

-Why? Cos he got the reaction he wanted?

-No...

..because I recognise it.

I have to go.

Where?

Do what you have to.

Will you be OK?

I'll be fine.

Thank you.

Rafi, wait!

Rafi!

What the hell are you doing?!

-Stopping you.

-From what?

(I'm sorry.)

What for?

For everything.

For starting this mess, getting you into it, for HURTING you, I...

You have to believe, I never meant to hurt you.

And Greg? What was that?

Greg is just a good friend. It's not about him, it never was.

It was about something, Sahi.

Hanssen?

Everything was just so controlled.

He needed me to be the best.

He...wanted me to focus on my "singular capability".

To the exclusion of everything - you, the kids...

I just, I felt alone.

I wanted to lash out, that's what I did.

Why didn't you talk to me?

Because you would have done something about it.

Wanted me to leave or...

Well, if you were so alone, isolated...?

It's not easy to turn your back on someone who thinks you're gifted.

Maybe he has a point.

No.

It's his dream, not mine.

I've already lost myself, I'm not going to lose you as well...

-He's sleeping.

-He could use it, he's been through a lot.

Yeah, he has but he'll get through it.

Thank you.

-Just...making him decent.

-I know track marks when I see them.

I wouldn't know.

I know that he's got a past.

That he's ashamed of it.

-That he'll do anything to wipe it away.

-That doesn't matter?

Why should it? We've all got a past.

All I know is that he was let down by himself,

by people around him.

People who should have cared.

I won't do that.

-Oh, dear! Oh, I've got three now! Oh, dear! Oh, dear!

-THE CHILDREN LAUGH

What am I going to do? What am I going to do?

Oh, dear, oh, dear! Oh, my goodness!

THE CHILDREN LAUGH

Has anyone seen a chair about?

ALL SHOUT: Behind you!

Is it behind me? I'm just going to sit on this chair.

-HORN HONKS

-Oh, no, no, no!

THE CHILDREN LAUGH

Well, anyway, boys and girls, that's it for me.

I want you all to say goodbye to me.

Ahh! You going to say goodbye to Roger?

ALL SHOUT: Bye, Roger!

Did somebody say something?

ALL SHOUT: Bye, Roger!

YES, now it's my big finish!

Clear the decks, I'm going to do a fantastic summersault!

Here we go!

Woo-woo!

THE CHILDREN LAUGH

Ha-ha-ha!

THEY APPLAUD

-DR LO LAUGHS

-You see? Doesn't that help?

(Ta-da!)

Bleed. Suction.

-Control it, please, Ms Naylor.

-Yes, I'm trying.

ALARM BEEPS

-Ms Naylor!

-I know. I know. Clamp, please.

Another clamp, please.

It's splitting everywhere.

-Suture it.

-I can't. The only thing stopping him from bleeding out

-is me holding the tear together.

-I see.

Need a hand?

Yes!

Just be careful, it's tearing all over the place.

Dacron graft and platform stool, please. 2-0 Prolene.

-Can we adjust the clamp?

-No, Sahira, don't touch the clamp -

the aorta will tear before you can get a chance...

-You just got to be quick on the draw.

-Ms Shah...

It's going to tear.

Not if I can help it.

Clamp off.

Clamp on. There.

Do you do patterns as well?

-Thank you, Ms Shah. That was...

-What you expected of me.

Precisely.

Dacron graft.

Can I have five minutes?

After you've finished closing up, of course.

-Thought you might have done a runner.

-I was considering it.

-I got a call from my YOT liaison.

-Yeah?

Somebody called them. Said he was my mentor.

He told them he'd stand up for me in court.

Because of that, they're applying to have me order revoked.

-Bloke sounds like a right do-gooder. I wouldn't trust him.

-I would.

I just don't get why he did it.

Maybe he just thought everyone deserves a fresh start.

Lucas, erm...

Danny...

-He's gone.

-I know...

I'm here though.

KNOCK ON DOOR

Ms Shah, if you're here to complain about being pulled from theatre...

No. No, I'm not. I'm used to it.

-Maybe that's the problem.

-There's a problem, is there?

You were the one who pointed out that we need to clarify things.

-We need...

-I

-need equilibrium.

I quite agree.

I'm resigning, Henrik.

Rafi and I have decided to move on.

Together. He's been offered another job and I'm going with him.

I see. Good day, Ms Shah.

I need to find my own way...

-You've chosen mediocrity.

-No, I've chosen to live my life on my terms.

Now, if that's mediocrity... Can you not see the problem?

Clearly you've made a decision, I see no reason for justification.

Good day.

Thank you, Henrik.

Kate, can you put this back, please?

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