The Journey Home Holby City

I'm wondering where the hell you are and what possible reason you

would have conjured up not to visit your son and why...

-You'll post these, yeah?

-Yeah, course.

First class.

-"The time to cast away is yet far off."

-Tennyson.

It's bad enough that his parents are refusing to come in and see him

but we are the only support network that that kid has got.

I really, really like you.

But?

But I like being your friend.

You're brilliant.

Oi! Dr Wilde! Fancy a spin around the car park?

Ohhhh...

Arthur!

Sorry, mate! You OK?

-Yeah, I'm fine.

-Well, you could at least get out of the car!

Stop overreacting. Digby's a man of steel.

Aren't you, mate?

Look, don't move, OK?

See? Now get in.

He's just some lowly peasant to you, isn't he?

She called you a peasant, Digby! I think that deserves an apology.

You could've killed him! Least you can do is come out and check him over.

Love to. But I hate being late.

Don't spend too long playing Florence Nightingale.

Ms Campbell's on this morning!

All right? Got both bags. Ticket and passport.

You are ready to go.

Haven't had a 99 or fed the ducks.

Well, you could feed them every day

if you're serious about wanting to move back here.

I am. I told you.

OK, I'll talk to your mum.

What if she says no?

Well, she is just going to have to deal with the fact that

despite her frequent rants to the contrary

I am so great that you want to live with me. Right?

Call her. Now!

And wake her up? Are you crazy?

-She never was a morning person.

-Still isn't.

Whereas my smile fills you with joy over the breakfast table.

-Yeah, right.

-I'll tell her today. I promise.

I'm starving.

All right, well how about a giant doughnut with sprinkles on top?

And hot chocolate with marshmallows and whipped cream.

And a chocolate spoon.

Chocolate spoon? Seriously?

Please. It's my last chance.

Mum never lets me have stuff like that any more. Brad's a vegan.

Of course he is.

Wow. You must know every chip in that toilet bowl by now.

Jac, thought you were off today.

So did I. Valentine called in sick again.

Right, I'd better give him a call.

"Thanks for coming in, Jac, putting yourself out for the team." I'm the one who needs sympathy here!

Cut him some slack. He doesn't know about Rosemary's Baby.

Makes no difference. He's only got eyes for his tragic lost protege.

Even when he doesn't deserve it.

There was a major screw-up on the night shift last week.

And it was all down to Ollie, but he made Gemma take the bullet.

Well, that's low. Even for him.

If Valentine's intent on hitting rock bottom, nothing the Prof can do about it.

-Isn't going to stop him trying, is it?

-I don't know, I think he just needs something to

take his mind off it.

Managed to track down those truffles you were talking about.

Cost an absolute...fortune.

That's very kind of you, Dr Tressler.

But an apple would have sufficed. Shall we?

Ms Campbell's been called to St James's.

I hope you're not too disappointed.

Yes, OK.

Well can you just tell Rachel I'll be there as soon as I can.

Thank you.

Mr Hanssen.

You wanted me to look at a patient?

Did I? Yes, yes.

My head's all over the place this morning.

Mr Falco, abdominal pain, flu-like symptoms, recent weight loss,

diarrhoea and painful open ulcer in the mouth.

Crohn's, I wonder.

Oh, yes, Crohn's. Yes, of course.

PHONE RINGS

Sorry, it's Rachel. She had a rough night.

Then you must go to her.

Take all the time you need.

Thank you.

I reckon we're going to have to amputate.

-Ha-ha, very funny.

-Sort that out yourself, I've got to go.

-I can dress that for you.

-Thanks, Chantelle. See you later!

Actually. It's fine.

-No, I don't mind. Don't be daft.

-No, it's fine.

As soon as I get back, I'm having a tattoo

-I may be cool, I'm not a pushover.

-You let Seb have one.

-That's different.

-You said Seb's...

Seb this, Seb that.

You got a crush on him?

Dad! He's 17!

Yeah, he's practically an old man.

Chantelle, tell him. Boys and girls can just be friends. Not like the old days.

Sometimes. Not always, though.

Actually, Jas, I need to speak to your dad.

-Is it Seb?

-Wait for me in my office.

-But...

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll come get you in a minute.

Ah, Amy Cardle.

You know her?

I treated her husband, James. Lovely man, a real fighter.

Survived first heart attack but not the second.

No wonder she's anxious.

They were very close. No children.

She must be feeling very vulnerable.

Amy, so good to see you. Hello.

Elliot, thank God.

Now you'll tell me the truth.

-Fire away.

-I'm not sure I need this valve repair,

whatever you call it.

I'm afraid you do.

The medication that you're on is no longer managing your condition.

But I feel fine now. Really.

It's a very straightforward procedure.

The thing is, it doesn't seem straightforward, not to me.

Sorry to interrupt, got a quick question for you when you're done.

Yes, yes. Five minutes.

I find it very difficult to think clearly since James...

Amy, you've been through a tough time,

but this operation could be completely transforming.

You'll be able to travel,

be more active, spontaneous. It'll be like a new beginning.

He's in and out of consciousness, BP's erratic,

he's very weak and tired.

The night nurse was really worried,

said he hadn't been himself at all.

OK, let's run fresh bloods, creatinine and tox screens.

We'll take a view once we get the results.

Excuse me, Nurse Lane.

Nurse Lane? Are you fighting?

No, it's trivial.

Seb said the pain's getting worse.

Take him off the PCA and set up a syringe driver.

Call his parents.

Mr Hanssen? Have you got a minute?

It's not just his mouth that's ulcerated,

and he's complaining of chest and joint pain that doesn't fit with Crohn's.

Isn't this the guy who had surgery in Laos?

Abscess following an insect bite, I believe.

Then it could be melioidosis. It's endemic in parts of South East Asia.

The incubation period's around 1-21 days.

And he's been back 11 days.

I saw a really similar case during my training.

We'd need a specialist review to confirm, but I'm 90% certain.

And we can't take any chances. Untreated, this could kill him.

Impressive work, Dr Tressler.

You're late, Dr Wilde.

I was looking for Ms Campbell.

Statistics show that the absence of even one clinician

can seriously effect patient outcome.

Especially on an acute wards such as this. Tropical diseases, please.

You owe Dr Tressler an apology.

Won't happen again, Mr Hanssen.

No, it won't.

Ms Campbell told me about your chest drain debacle last week.

You're already on very thin ice.

Where's my apology then?

Get lost!

Hey.

Hey. Heard you had a hard night.

How's the pain? We're trying something different.

Yeah, bit better.

It might not last.

Thank you for that helpful insight, Dr Digby.

-Well, all the studies show...

-Can I see you outside? Now.

Dr Digby is going to escort you back to my office.

And I want you to stay there until I say so.

-I am not a baby-sitter.

-Yeah, maybe not,

but your reassuring bedside manner is not what our patient needs right now.

Can't I just say hello?

If you want to be a good friend to him, you'll let him rest.

OK? Come on.

Sorry about that. Jasmine just wanted to say hi.

That's cool. Maybe later.

I'll give you a hand.

Thanks.

Any idea when your parents are planning on coming in?

Thursdays are usually quite busy. Maybe tomorrow.

Right.

Anything else I can help you with?

-Pass me those.

-Yeah.

I have to write my will.

Really?

Joking. Come on. Everyone needs to lighten up here.

All right, I'll catch you later.

It was definitely a look, I'm telling you.

Seen it before. He likes her.

Enter Romeo stage right.

Sorry about that. What can I do for you?

It's more what I can do for you.

A friend of mine's just offered me two tickets for Rigoletto,

but it's tonight.

They'll be great seats.

You don't have to convince me. I'd love to come.

Great.

-PAGER BEEPS

-Sorry. I have to get this.

-Sure. We can arrange the timing later.

-Great.

No. Please. Please just sit. Sit!

And stay.

I'm not a dog.

You look a bit like Blaine from Glee, but nerdier.

I have no idea what you're talking about.

Glee, you know, the TV show.

I don't own a television set.

Oh, my God. You are seriously weird.

Test results are back. I can't find Mr Spence.

No. No funny business. Stay.

Woof, woof.

Arthur, can't we just sort this? Please? We're such good friends.

Seb's creatinine and potassium levels are up

but his urine output is down so his kidneys may be compromised.

He's going into renal failure. When are his parents getting here?

There was no answer, I left a message.

Try again. Home. Mobile. Carrier pigeon if you have to.

But get them here. Fast.

Brendan Dorsey. 71 years old.

Suffered a spinal cord injury eight years ago.

Problems with muscle pain since the accident.

-Admitted today with severe pressure ulcers.

-I'll take that.

Sorry.

In Mr Levy's absence, Dr Tressler's dealing with all admissions.

-Says who?

-Mr Hanssen.

He's been called to Keller but he made himself pretty clear.

You been a naughty girl?

Bed 4 please, Mary-Claire.

Dr Wilde, clerk that patient.

Start suppositories for the rectal impaction in bed 6.

Oh, I need you to pick up some blood results.

That's a porter's job.

Well, you could do with the exercise. And I'm the boss.

Shall I shine your shoes for you as well?

Oh, yeah, that'd be great.

Oh, and get me a cheese and pastrami on rye. Extra salad.

No mayonnaise. Thanks.

I finally got hold of Seb's mum.

Good. She's on her way?

Not immediately.

What does that mean?

Her husband's working away.

It's going to take him hours to get back.

Er, what is the problem? She gets in the car

and she meets him here.

But she needs to sort the other kids out before she can leave.

She said she'd try her best.

Oh, well, if she's trying her best, that's great.

Her son is dying but she's trying her best!

Mr Spence.

Part of your job as clinical lead is to maintain a professional

distance at all times.

I don't care any more. I've had it with this family!

I'm sure they're dealing with it the best way they can.

No need to get emotionally involved.

I'm finding it hard to keep my distance

when there is a 17-year-old boy dying alone

in pain without his family.

Maybe not for an ice man like you.

Maybe it's just another day at the office!

Sorry.

How did it get this bad? You must have help.

I did have a carer - Woytek, Polish fella.

He was OK, actually.

Turned up one day totally bladdered.

I let him sleep it off

but then social services found him

spark out on my settee stinking of booze.

That was the end of him.

They didn't replace him?

They tried to. Sent this miserable old bat,

face like a bucket of smashed crabs,

but when she called me "dearie", that was it.

What happened, if you don't mind me asking?

Bit of argy-bargy with an articulated lorry.

Car crash?

Motorcycle. 1000cc, big beast of a machine. Red and chrome.

I'm sorry but also kind of impressed.

Didn't have me down as a biker, did you?

That stings.

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

That was my mantra when I was younger.

A couple of pints and I was the kinda guy who was up for anything

just for the hell of it.

It was James's.

My grandfather had one very similar.

James inherited it from his father.

It's beautiful.

Keeps him close when I need him.

I know how hard it is at first.

I lost my wife.

I didn't know.

It's the little things I find so hard.

The empty chair at the breakfast table,

paperwork I know nothing about,

anything to do with the car. Oh, Elliot, I must confess...

..it's all a little overwhelming.

Blood results.

Thanks, Germa.

Don't. I mean it.

You have all the charm of a bacterial infection.

And you're a virus. Lacking the key characteristics considered necessary to count as life.

That's no way to speak to a senior colleague.

I demand some respect.

Dream on.

Gemma, I'm kidding.

That a cornflake? Don't you ever look in the mirror?

-I actually thought you were going to apologise then.

-For what?

For being an arrogant, infantile megalomaniac.

Such harsh words, Dr Wilde.

Why can't you ever be straight with me?

Even when we kissed next minute it was like it never happened.

Thanks, Dad.

Five minutes, OK?

Hey.

Hey.

How are you feeling?

Wish people would stop asking me that.

Sorry. Can I see?

Wow.

That's me. The wounded hero.

And who are they?

That's my family.

Why are they never here?

I'd be so angry.

How's getting angry going to help?

Because you shouldn't be here on your own.

They should want to be here.

They've got their own lives to lead. And I'm cool with that,

cos when they see me it just makes it worse...

..for me and them.

I see how much it hurts, especially Mum...

..and I can't handle it.

In here I'm the same as everyone else,

not some cancer boy freak show.

But it's not like you've just broken a leg. You're...

I'm dying.

Don't.

It's OK, Jas. I'm not scared.

When I was little,

my mum gave me a book - King Arthur's Path To Avalon,

the real King Arthur. The warrior.

I used to live it out in my head.

When he gets fatally wounded. He sails over the sea to Avalon

where his wounds are healed and he waits to come again.

I have to finish, I have to draw Avalon.

I can't remember what it looks like. You have to help me.

BEEPING

Wait, I'll go and get my dad.

Do you have to drink coffee?

I thought you loved coffee.

Not any more, OK?

OK, keep your wig on.

Problem?

No. No. Everything's OK.

And you? Looking forward to your date?

It's not a date.

What?!

All right, we need to clear his airway or he's going to suffocate. Suction.

OK, Seb. We're going to insert a tube to help you breathe.

Sats falling.

Stabilising.

Sats 90.

All right, good job, everyone.

-Mr Channing's mother is on her way.

-Finally!

But she will be at least another hour, though, I believe.

Seb is in early stages of multiple organ failure.

One more set back and he's finished.

Then we must try to keep him stable until she arrives.

I'm going to do my job as it should be done, but I tell you one thing -

I will not let him suffer one minute longer

than he should just for her convenience.

Everything OK?

Sorry, Doc, nothing seems to work any more.

It's OK, no harm done.

We're going to have to take you into theatre, I'm afraid,

surgically remove the infected tissue.

It should make you more comfortable.

I can handle that. It's these muscle spasms that are killing me.

You get all this attention when it first happens,

but people have their own lives to live

and just you're left to take care of yourself.

These sores are as a result of neglect.

When I can manage the pain I can see a way forward

but when the pain takes over...

So next time you put your foot on the accelerator to impress some girl,

or to get somewhere five minutes earlier, think about me.

Seb's very nauseous, severe headache.

Hey, Annalese, I can't talk right now, I've got a crisis here.

Yeah, I know I rang you.

She's around here somewhere.

Look, I'll give you a call later, all right?

-Where's Jas?

-So now your daughter's missing in a busy city hospital.

Not now, Hanssen.

Seb's starting to panic. He's asking for his dad.

I don't know what to say.

It's OK, I'll handle it.

Professional please, Mr Spence.

Right now Seb needs a doctor and his parents.

Now, if you had any children you'd understand that.

Bad idea. Bread equals bloating.

And excess gas is the last thing you need on your first date.

It's not a date.

Take it from a man who knows.

She definitely had that look in her eyes.

Definitely. Surely you've noticed.

Dr Kozinsky had a spare ticket, that's all.

She probably made that up to get your attention.

-We need to talk ground rules.

-What you're going to wear.

-Who pays for dinner - always tricky.

-We're not having dinner!

You are. I've booked it. Don't let me down.

Buy a decent bottle of wine and flash the plastic. No arguments.

Mo's right, going Dutch is never very sexy.

-Sexy?!

-Speaking of which, your Y-fronts are 50 shades of grey and not in a good way.

-I'll buy you a new pair in my break.

-You'll do nothing of the sort! Now if you'll excuse me.

Dr Tressler?

Sorry to drag you away from your dish of the day,

but Mr Dorsey is no better.

Yeah, I know. We're going to have to up his morphine pre-surgery.

You can set up a central line.

Yeah, I've never done that.

-First time for everything. You'll be fine.

-Are you trying to get me into more trouble with Mr Hanssen?

How evil do you think I am?

You'd be surprised.

Come on.

Just the man!

I thought we could grab a bite to eat after the show.

There's a lovely little Italian.

Sharon, I'm really sorry... No.

I've re-checked my schedule and I've got a complicated valve repair.

Mrs Cardle, you know, the women you saw me with earlier.

So not a good day, I'm afraid.

Another time.

Yes, yes.

Now, if you'll excuse me, duty calls.

There you are. It's Mrs Cardle.

She was fine earlier.

I went to prep her for surgery,

she told me not to bother.

It's OK, Seb. All right, we're doing everything we can.

You just hang in there.

BP's rising. Is he going back into VF?

No, he's bradycardic and hypertensive.

It's Cushing's Response.

Emergency head CT?

Can't do this...

Chantelle...

If by some miracle his mother is anywhere in this building

find her and tell her to come here!

Pulse is slowing.

-Scared...

-It's OK, Seb, I'm right here.

Right here.

BEEPING

Dad?

Yeah.

My head...

It's OK, you don't have to be strong any more.

I can't see... What's happening?

It's OK, it's OK. I've got you.

I'm floating...

Am I on the sea now?

Yeah...

you're on the sea.

I am not trying to be difficult.

I just don't understand.

This is preventative surgery, right?

Which in your case is absolutely necessary.

Yes, I know.

So why are you leaving?

I just started to think what's the point?

Without it you will succumb to heart failure in a very short space of time.

I do understand that, strange as it might sound.

I don't want to travel or be spontaneous

or have a new beginning. I just want my old life back.

And if I can't have that...

Sorry for wasting your time.

Amy, please, before you make a final decision

there's someone I'd like you to talk to.

Mr Channing's mother has arrived.

It's too late. He's dead.

She'll be happy now.

No more annoying hospital visits to disrupt her busy schedule.

This is not about you and how you feel.

Mrs Channing has just lost her son and it's up to you to tell her.

I hope I can trust you to retain your composure, please.

Mrs Channing? My name's Michael Spence.

-I'm Seb's consultant.

-I know who you are.

And I know what you're going to tell me.

Sorry, it took ages had to try three shops before...

Seb?

It's OK, Mr Dorsey, won't be a minute.

-OK.

-Try again.

Stop. That's not the right angle. You need to focus.

I told you I couldn't do this.

You can. You're just not listening to me.

-Maybe you're a rubbish teacher!

-Why do you have to be so negative, Gemma?

-Puts people's backs up.

-Whereas you just blind everyone with your nauseating charm.

I hate to interrupt your little love fest, but

could someone please just stick that needle in my neck and get this over with?

Here, give it to me. And I'll need a new catheter.

I can manage that at least.

There's none left.

Go easy on her, son,

we all get a bit twitchy at times

and she seems like a lovely girl.

Disordered thoughts with delusions. Side effect of morphine.

She's just lost her confidence. Happens to the best of us.

Go on. Be nice.

Give her one more chance.

Is there anything else you'd like to know?

-No.

-Would you like me to come in with you?

Oh, no.

Oh, God, no.

My boy.

Give the woman an Oscar.

SHE SOBS

I've managed to persuade Mrs Cardle to stay

until Sharon is able to have a word with her.

Look on the bright side,

if she cancels surgery, you'll have loads of time to

prepare for your date.

You've chickened out.

Prof?

There's someone you wanted me to see?

Mrs Cardle, my valve repair,

recently bereaved, now refusing surgery,

it's like she's given up hope of any kind of positive future.

Obviously I want to try and persuade her to make her slot,

but there's patient I need to check on first.

How long have I got?

She's booked into theatre for two o'clock.

That's a lengthy procedure, to prevent you going to the opera?

Not at all. We're usually done and dusted in under an hour.

Professor Hope, maybe you could walk me to the lift.

It was an evening out, not a proposal of marriage.

If you didn't want to come, you should've just said so.

I'm a big girl, Elliot. I don't need lame excuses.

Mr Spence. I feel awful but,

I need to start thinking about last offices,

I usually like to talk to the family first,

but his mum still seems so upset. Should I go in?

No. I will.

Mrs Channing, is everything OK?

I don't understand.

How the hell did he get that?

Now wait a minute.

Who did this to you, my beautiful, beautiful boy?

How dare you let this happen?

You were supposed to be taking care of him!

Well, that is exactly what I have been doing!

That tattoo was his dying wish.

You needed our permission.

Well, there wasn't anyone to ask.

Now, I was the one who held him when he was dying.

I was the one who told him that he was OK,

so do not speak to me about not looking after him!

Dr Tressler informs me you performed a textbook central line placement.

And she did an excellent job assisting me in theatre.

Then it's down to your expert supervision.

Thanks...

for the shout out.

I meant it.

Maybe you would like to.

I can't do it.

Mr Hanssen has expressed concern over your boundaries with this patient.

His parents left me no choice because no-one should die alone.

I'm not saying that I approve of her position,

or that what she did was right...

Oh, great, I'm glad we agree on something.

But for some parents, when they know their child is going to die,

they begin to withdraw, it's called "retreating".

And that's OK?

Of course not. It's never in a child's interest to be abandoned,

particularly when they're so vulnerable,

but you know nothing about these people,

what brought them to this point.

I know that a good parent protects

and supports their kid no matter what,

but these people are only interested in protecting themselves.

Sorry to interrupt, I just was looking for Mrs Channing

in the ladies, and I found Jas,

locked in a cubicle, crying.

But the surgery went well.

It's not that, it's the muscle spasms,

poor guy's in pure agony.

HE PANTS

You go. I'd better get Mr Hanssen, I think.

Wait, I need to speak to you, alone.

Brendan, I can't up your morphine any higher.

Doesn't touch this anyway.

But I know something that will.

I'm sorry, Jas, none of that should have happened.

I said I'd help him.

Hey, none of this is your fault, it's mine.

He needed me, and I wasn't there.

Come on out, Jas, please.

Where'd you disappear to?

To get this.

He was trying to draw this.

In his head that's where he was going when he died.

He couldn't remember the picture, so I went to get the book,

but I was too late.

Hey, you listen to me,

you made his last few weeks so much happier.

You don't blame yourself for any of this. You leave that to his parents.

But Seb was OK with that. I thought he'd hate them but he didn't.

It was like he'd already let them go. And if that's what he wanted...

Come in.

Good to see you and Dr Wilde working as a team.

You're obviously a good influence.

-Mr Hanssen...

-Plastics are ready for Mr Dorsey.

You can prepare him for transfer, please.

-But his pain levels are off the scale.

-Plastics will re-assess him.

Mr Dorsey knows what he needs.

Over time opioids have become ineffective for his neuropathic pain.

One can always find a therapeutic dose.

Ever since his accident, he's developed such a high

tolerance that any effective dose simply renders him unconscious.

-Cannabinoids on the other hand...

-Cannabis?

Are you seriously suggesting we allow him

to smoke an illegal Class B drug on the ward?

No, of course not,

but there is one cannabis based medicine licensed by NICE.

It's a mouth spray that's proved extremely

effective in the treatment of spasticity.

Indeed. But it's only licensed for the treatment of multiple sclerosis.

But his symptoms are exactly the same.

No, I cannot endorse the prescription of medication

unlicensed for purpose.

The answer is emphatically no.

He's in absolute agony, cannabis is the only thing that works for him.

-I wouldn't be surprised if he discharged himself.

-That's his decision.

Mr Hanssen, I can't believe there isn't some way round this.

We have no choice but to work within the parameters of the law.

I think we should let the pain specialists do their job.

Next week would've been our 40th wedding anniversary.

James spent months planning it. We were going to Corsica.

You should never wait for anything.

Then why are you refusing this treatment?

If you get the surgery done now you could re-arrange your trip, go with a friend.

But why would I want to? That's the wall I keep coming up against.

Everything seems so pointless without him.

Why don't you try something simple like going to the

movies by yourself,

just put your toe in the water and see how it feels.

It might feel OK.

Or it might just feel empty and terrifying.

All of us have an innate fear of what's unfamiliar,

but you won't know if you don't try.

Chantelle. Is Mrs Channing in there?

She's waiting for her husband downstairs.

Would you keep Jas company for a while?

-Of course.

-Back in a minute.

What are you up to?

Nothing.

Oh, I get it, you want to handle the transfer all by yourself,

get the old school tie out, charm the bigwigs in plastics.

Even I'm not that shallow.

What then? One minute you're all over me, telling Hanssen how amazing I am,

the next it's like I don't exist!

Can you run that through please?

I was trying to protect you, but if you really want to get involved, give me your lighter.

What for?

We're taking Mr Dorsey for a smoke.

Weed. It's the only thing that touches his pain.

You are actually insane.

He's got his own stash. Grows it in his greenhouse.

Look Hanssen's refusing to give him officially licensed medical cannabis.

His condition doesn't tick the right boxes, apparently.

But I believe pain management is a right not a privilege

-so I'm taking the law into my own hands.

-How?

Look, if you want to bow out now I completely understand.

But time is short. Are you in or out?

In.

Hi. Coffee?

No, thank you.

You look very pale,

Dodgy curry.

I thought you'd have a go at me for dropping you in it with Sharon.

No, I deserved it.

You've got to get back on that horse, Elliot.

I know, but it's so much easier just to go home, shut the door,

feed Samson and pour myself out a large glass of single malt.

-And that's all you want for the rest of your life?

-No, but...

You're the same age as Madonna, for God's sake!

Just go back to Sharon. Apologise.

I'm so out of practice, Jac.

So we'll practice.

I just wanted to say,

I should never have let rip at you like that earlier.

Why not? I deserve it.

My own child had to say goodbye to me in a letter.

He must've hated me so much.

I think you should open it.

I've been carrying it around for days.

Maybe you would...

He didn't hate you.

Come on.

I think Seb would have wanted you to say a proper goodbye.

OK, so Mo is Sharon, what do you say?

Um, hi, Sharon.

It's good start.

Now say something complimentary about her appearance.

Um, I must say I like your skirt.

Sounds a wee bit pervy. Watch and learn from the master.

Sharon, have you done something different with your hair?

It really suits you like that.

Thanks, Elliot.

But what if she hasn't done anything different with her hair?

Doesn't matter, cos all you're doing is letting her know that you've taken notice.

Making her feel good about herself.

Now ask her if it's too late to change your mind.

Um, Sharon, I just thought, if you still had the tickets,

on second thoughts...

No, no, no! You've got to be more direct. More manly!

American women are more ballsy. They like a man with a bit of chutzpah!

Well, then she won't want me, will she? I can't do this.

You just need to channel Madonna!

How? By wearing a pointy bra and gyrating my hips?

Take that image out my head. Now. Please. Let's start again.

Sharon...

BEEPING

Mrs Cardle.

Saved by the bell.

It's all right, you can do this.

Where did this come from?

Seb and my daughter become very good friends.

Seb told her how much he loved this book as a kid.

She went out and got it for him.

The tattoo.

I used to read this to him every night.

He begged me to change his name to Arthur.

Seb was always brave, even as a tiny boy.

Unlike his mother.

I am very sorry for your loss.

Don't be.

I'm relieved he's dead.

-You should go.

-It's OK.

This is the mad, illegal bit.

No point both of us risking our careers.

There you go again, always wanting to hog the limelight.

From golden boy to bad boy in the space of a single shift.

I think I prefer the bad boy.

Good luck.

He was my first-born, my golden boy...

..and then I did this to him.

He just had a cruel roll of the dice.

No. I destroyed him.

No, I don't think that's true.

Don't try to make it all right, it'll never be all right!

Sorry I just...

We were on holiday in Spain, it was August 2001.

The others were just babies and I couldn't cope.

I let Seb stay too long in the sun, and he burned.

I should have paid more attention. That's what caused all this.

You can't know that.

I'm his mother. I know.

We all had to watch him suffer...

..until I couldn't face it any more.

God, how selfish does that sound?

Seb must've picked it up.

He started saying that he was fine, that I needn't visit,

the other kids needed me more.

And I let him.

Before he died, did he ask for me?

Why would he?

His hair, he didn't like it like that.

There...

..that's better.

I'll wait with him until my husband comes, if that's all right.

Of course.

Chapter One.

Excalibur.

I just want to let you know,

I never touched drugs in my life till this happened,

so when my GP was talking about cannabis, off the record, like,

and the positive results for this kind of pain,

I said no way.

Didn't want to have anything to do with it.

But then the pain got so bad, I couldn't cope.

But all you can do is fend it off,

whatever way you can.

Here you go, mate.

Harry, you're a life-saver, man.

It's all part of the job description.

When Dr Kozinsky was speaking to me, she mentioned James,

asked what he would think. And then I heard him,

clear as a bell.

Absolutely furious with me for even thinking of giving up.

He loved life, fought for every last breath.

I remember.

So I can't let him down, can I?

I've got to at least give it a go.

So you're agreeing to the surgery?

But there is a catch.

-Ah.

-You've got to give it a go too.

I've heard that production is very good.

-Well?

-Mission accomplished.

Not out of the woods yet, that smell is a dead giveaway.

Eugh, that's disgusting.

It's Mary-Claire's, guilty secret.

Once a Catholic...

Stop! Stop, stop, stop.

Thank you for today.

My pleasure.

Been having a bit of a rubbish time lately.

Yeah, I noticed.

About that kiss...

Oh, my God. Smells like a brothel in here!

I prefer natural pheromones myself.

I'll be checking yours out later.

Yes?

Sharon...

Your hair really suits you like that.

It's the same as it was this morning.

What can I do for you?

I just... I wanted say thank you for talking to Mrs Cardle.

She's agreed to the surgery.

That's great. But if you don't mind,

I've got a lot of work to do.

Was there something else?

I just wondered if you still had those tickets. If so,

I would very much like to be your plus one.

I'm delighted that Mrs Cardle has made a positive choice.

But you shouldn't feel that you have to go out of your way to be

nice to me as some sort of payback.

You're clearly very uncomfortable around me for whatever reason,

and I think we should just call it quits.

We're not in high school any more, Elliot. I'm over it, OK?

She doesn't seem to want to talk.

She just asked for paper and pens.

Thanks.

Hey.

You OK?

-Thought you hated drawing.

-I do.

Today was a big deal, Jas. You want to talk about it?

Seb says it helps, but I'm rubbish.

I don't know. Let's take a look.

Well, OK. Well, that's Brad and your mum and the other kids,

you in the middle, and me.

Mmm, although I don't think I like Brad with all those muscles.

I'm pretty rock myself.

You miss them, of course you do.

I promise, everything is going to be OK.

Hadn't you better get back to work?

No, I've got something more important to do, come on.

Gemma.

-Still here, Dr Tressler?

-There was a couple of things I needed to do.

One moment, please. Well, Mr Dorsey's rather more comfortable now

so I'm taking him up to plastics.

The morphine seems to be having a more beneficial effect,

doesn't it, Mr Dorsey?

Oh, yes, definitely.

Good. Well, good luck.

Thanks for everything.

Dr Tressler. You carry on please, Mr Dorsey. Thank you.

I'll be with you shortly. I want to speak to you. Now.

-Don't want to go to the park.

-Come on, fresh air'll do you good.

-What's in the bag?

-Croissants.

I hate croissants.

They're for the ducks.

You said we'd do that when I came back.

Jas,

you know what I want for you more than anything?

I want you to feel free to do what's right for you.

Not me. Not your mum.

You.

I realise Seb was trying to be the grown-up,

trying to protect everyone from feeling sad,

and I don't want that for you.

But you must get so lonely, and Mum has Brad,

and the other kids.

Look, you don't need to worry about me.

I am big enough and ugly enough to look after myself until the next holidays.

But Mum knows now, she'll think I hate her.

I haven't had that conversation with her yet.

So the choice is yours.

Come to the States, Dad.

You'll easily find a job there and you could see us all the time.

It's not that simple. Maybe one day.

But I will always be your dad. No-one's going to replace me.

I promise you that. And, you know, Brad is actually pretty cool,

for a vegan.

But they don't have 99s in Florida.

No, they don't. Come on let's get you one.

You have a very high opinion of yourself, Dr Tressler.

-No, I...

-And scant regard for authority.

-Mr Hanssen...

-Silence.

Medicine is not a profession where you can bend the rules to

suit your own personal convictions.

If I were to believe for one moment that you had enabled Mr Dorsey -

a fragile and wheelchair bound elderly patient -

to smoke an illegal class B drug on hospital grounds,

I would have no choice but to inform the police.

Understand?

And if - for the sake of argument -

you had been fool enough to put your career on the line in such

a manner - would you, I wonder, have stopped for one moment to

consider the potential consequences of your recklessness?

What if Mr Dorsey needed emergency treatment

and was found to be in a state of cannabis intoxication?

He would be severely compromised. And you would be finished.

You've been warned, Dr Tressler.

Double Flake, please, and sprinkles,

and green sauce.

-Green sauce kinda looks like snot.

-Dad, you're so gross!

Well, that's why you're better off with your mother. Thank you.

PHONE RINGS

Speak of the devil.

What are you going to say?

I am going to tell her that you've had a great holiday,

and you're looking forward to going back home, to stay.

Sharon?

I'm sorry, never was any good at this kind of thing.

Apologies for my earlier ridiculous behaviour, but here I am, warts and all.

A vulnerable, terrified, faintly absurd middle-aged man,

who would love to go to the opera with you,

not to be nice, but because I think it would be fun.

But being American you probably think that makes me

sound like a wimp without any chutzpah.

No. I think it makes you sound honest.

Which is all that matters to me. You've got yourself a date.

They're not back row seats or anything,

so you'll be perfectly safe.

See you downstairs at seven.

Gemma.

Shouldn't you be leaving for your date?

Look, it was really just a casual thing, OK.

Mary-Claire has got completely the wrong end of the stick.

It's the flat above the bookie's.

I'm going to run a long, hot, steamy, oily bath,

so we can be really relaxed. I'll see you later!

Enjoy your evening.

Not so fast. Let's have a look at you.

Same clothes all day, but not bad.

-Hair could do with a bit of a comb.

-And that tie's a bit skewwhiff.

-Yeah, it is.

-Thank you! I think I'll just be me, if you don't mind.

Main thing is, forget about this place.

Have some fun.

And get a snog, with tongues.

At the very least.

There you go. Passport. Ticket.

You're in charge now.

Can't we stay a bit longer? My flight's not for ages.

Well I thought we could get dinner at the airport.

Get you the fattiest fast food we can find before we turn you over to the vegan police.

Jas.

Seb's mum asked me to give you this.

Seems like he wanted you to have it.

Thanks.

He remembered.

See? You didn't let him down.

Come on, let's get you home too.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd