Episode 30 Red Rock

Laser Byrne, dealing from the car park near the football field.

Laser Byrne, caught

-right in the act. Good job.

-Thanks, boss.

-Tell us why they did it, Davey.

-They said I was a rat, OK?

But I never told nobody nothing.

Stay away from him.

It was Laser Byrne who nearly killed him, you know?

Well, you can arrest Laser all you like cos he has an airtight alibi.

He was with me.

In my bed.

That kid was attacked because of the information I was given?

Looks like it.

That's him.

Just stay here, OK?

We won't be long.

-Seriously?

-What?

Just leave that poor woman alone.

She's had one nasty shock this morning as it is.

Excuse me, sir. Do you mind if we have a quick word?

-What's this about?

-You can start by telling us your name.

Neal. Neal Johnson.

Were you anywhere near Kennedy Park this morning?

A bit of open ground about a mile that way.

-Yeah, possibly. I don't know. What's this about?

-OK.

I'm arresting you on suspicion of indecent exposure.

What?

You're not obliged to say anything unless you wish to do so.

-Are you joking?

-Anything you do say, will be taken in writing.

It may be used in evidence.

Nothing much from the door-to-doors

and no-one appears to have seen anything

until after you arrived on the scene.

Hm. Don't you just love a close-knit community?

-KNOCK AT DOOR

-Yeah.

Erm...

Laser's alibi checks out.

With Davey's mother all evening?

That's twisted.

Is he going to be all right, Webb?

Discharged himself from hospital last night.

Went home to his loving mother.

He'll be OK, then?

Who knows?

Stabbed in broad daylight and labelled a rat.

Take more than a few stitches and painkillers to fix that.

-Right, of course.

-Hmm.

Looks to me like a turf war

and Davey just got caught in the crossfire.

Turf war?

I don't think Beady really sees Laser as that much of a threat,

more of a...a nuisance.

Mm, but Laser is someone that Beady would want to get rid of.

Right. Let's keep an eye on Davey Webb's movements.

It might keep him safe, it might catch him out.

-OK.

-Right, boss.

This inspectors interview tomorrow.

Right, you ready for it?

I'm doing my best but it's...

Well, you know what it's like.

Any tips or advice gratefully received.

Make sure your notebook is in order.

Bound to have a look at that.

OK. Thanks.

You'll be fine.

I think you're thinking about Nikki.

-Paudge.

-What?

What's wrong?

It's...

It's the bank.

They're just a shower of leeches.

They come after the likes of us, the little people,

the saps who try to do the right thing and they hit us hard

cos they know they can get their money back.

What did they say?

I might as well have been talking to the wall.

They're coming after my mother's house.

What?!

No, no, they can't do that. That's your home.

Yes, they can and they will.

Jesus, Paudge.

-PHONE RINGS

-Well, Mam's house is the main asset.

So, if...

-PHONE CONTINUES TO RING

-You going to get that?

Speak of the devil, huh? It's them.

Sorry, I have to return this.

PHONE RINGS

And how's my favourite garda today?

The info you gave me nearly cost the young fella his life.

Yeah, I heard about that. Don't know why you're so upset.

It's a win-win. The kid's our fall guy.

'It was just a scratch. Nothing to fuss over.'

Just a scratch?

He was in bad shape.

Paudge.

'He didn't do anything.'

-I don't want anybody getting hurt.

-'Enough.'

Now, here's what I want you to do.

I need you to check some names,

-'find out what you lot have on them.'

-What?

On that big computer of yours.

No.

No way, I can't.

Even if I wanted to, I can't just log in whenever I want.

They'd trace it right back to me in a heartbeat.

None of this can't-can't stuff. It's boring.

'So, you listen here.

'We'll text the names,'

you find out what's on file and ring me. Simple.

Oh.

And your mam was looking lovely today, by the way.

'Just happened to bump into each other in the shops.'

Small world, hey?

This is insane. Like a bad dream.

-How long have you been in Red Rock?

-A couple of days.

Any particular reason for coming here?

No. It was just part of a holiday.

And home is...?

Belfast.

And when you're not on holiday?

I'm a graphic designer.

G-R-A-P-H-I-C.

Sorry. I'm supposed to be on a bus back to Connolly station.

Earlier today you were in

what you now know is Kennedy Park.

-Yes.

-Can you tell us what you were doing there?

Nothing. I was just walking through, I wasn't doing anything.

Did you stop, did you talk to anyone?

No.

Look, you've got the wrong person.

I didn't expose myself to anyone.

The woman was there with a child -

her daughter, she's four.

How many times do I have to keep telling you? It wasn't me.

Have you been in trouble

with the police before?

-No.

-OK, listen.

We're not going to ask you again.

We have statements from witnesses

describing a man exactly like yourself -

brown leather bag, trendy jacket, specs.

OK.

OK, I might as well tell.

Not that I think for a second you're going to believe me.

Last night I was in a pub and there was this hypnotist.

-Hypnotist?

-Well, he says last night the people, well, volunteers,

were called up on stage and made to do all kinds of crazy stuff.

Apparently he was one of them but he has no memory of it.

What's that got to do with today?

Well, if he did what this woman says he did,

he says it must have been some kind of sick joke

-that was played on both of them.

-Boy.

-That's one heck of an excuse.

-Isn't it just? It's a cracker.

Do you think it's possible?

I don't buy it.

I don't know.

I went to see a stage hypnotist with Tommy a few years back.

-You'd be surprised what they can get people to do.

-Yeah? Like what?

Ah, most of it was daft rubbish but some of it was pretty crude.

Really?

It was funny all right

but I'm glad they didn't drag either of us up onto the stage.

So, what do we do?

-The suspect has no previous?

-No.

Call the pub, see if they verify,

-find the hypnotist, see what he has to say.

-OK.

Just...don't look into his eyes.

THEY LAUGH

-Hiya.

-Hey.

-It's a lovely day.

-Mm-hm.

Enjoy your sandwich.

Yeah. Oh, thanks.

-You too.

-I think you'll find this is a cloth, Sean.

Yes.

Yeah. No, it's...

It's a very nice...cloth.

Er, I'd better go.

-I'll see you.

-See you.

The hypnotist is called Andrew Prest.

Says he's happy to come in and chat.

Great.

You still haven't asked her out, have you?

I have. And you saw her in the pub the other night. So...

I did, yeah. I saw her arrive on her own and I saw her leave on her own.

Face it, Sean, she's not interested. You've lost your mojo.

I have bloody not.

Put your money where your mouth is.

A tenner.

Done.

-You have 24 hours.

-Right, you never...

It's too late, bro.

Sharon, can I borrow you for a minute?

Boss?

TENSE MUSIC

And Fitzgibbon, the chief super, where did she cut her teeth?

Fraud squad.

And Tiernan?

-I wouldn't worry about the other two on the panel.

-No?

Rugby World Cup, couple of tickets.

It worked for me.

Stop worrying.

-Now go.

-OK.

TENSE MUSIC

Paudge?

Sorry. I was just checking something. Mine's acting up.

There, I'm logged out now.

Thanks again for coming in, Mr Prest.

Just need to get everything down in a statement.

Shouldn't be long.

-My pleasure.

-Yeah.

So, you had several people on stage last night.

Yes.

Had you met any of them before?

No.

No, but you recognised the description we gave you?

-Yeah. I remember him, yes.

-Yeah.

And he was a willing volunteer?

Oh, yes. Yes.

You can't hypnotise anyone who's drunk

or who doesn't want to be hypnotised

and even then, it doesn't work with everyone.

Now, as for his saying I made him

expose himself or whatever he did,

he is lying.

How can you be sure?

Well, because I can only make him do things when I'm there

and I wasn't there this morning.

And even if I had been,

you can't make somebody do something totally against their will.

It says here you can help people quit smoking.

So, how does that work?

I mean, surely something must kick in when they see a cigarette.

There's a big difference between not smoking and doing what he did.

Why would I do it? What possible reason could I have?

We're not accusing you

of doing this on purpose.

That's what it feels like.

Maybe you did something that made him lose his inhibitions,

made him not remember.

That's rubbish.

Did you make him think the audience was wearing no clothes?

HE CHUCKLES

Just a gag.

They put these stupid glasses on, they think they are X-ray specs.

Did you also make him simulate sex with a blow-up donkey?

HE SIGHS

Whatever he did last night had nothing to do with today.

-Got you.

-Sharon.

Is Nikki in?

No, I was looking for her myself.

-Never mind. I was looking for you everywhere.

-Yeah?

I spoke to the bank about getting a loan so I can lend you some money.

-You serious?

-Yeah.

Are you sure? I mean, you really don't have to.

I want to. I know you'd do the same for me.

Thanks.

Thanks. I won't forget this.

I'll pay you back - more than pay you back.

Wait until you see how much they lend me first.

-I heard you were looking for me, Sharon.

-Yes.

-It turns out you're right, Sarge. Beady has a new haunt.

-Tell me.

The Goat. Here's the floor plan.

It's a bar at the back.

-People coming and going so it doesn't look suspicious.

-Excellent.

-Right, I want regular updates. Sorry, Paudge.

-Hmm.

You know, Laser's a wasp sting. Beady is pure poison.

Well done, Sharon.

Now, I still think the flasher is trying to pull a fast one

but we dug this up on our hypnotist.

And the pub where he was booked, the owner says it was packed.

-Best night they've had in years.

-We'll talk to the hypnotist again.

But you're right. I think this changes things.

Spoken to Niamh?

-HE LAUGHS

-Sean?

Might as well pay up now, mate.

-You know, save yourself the humiliation.

-No, no, no.

See, Holden never fails.

As soon as I'm out of here.

So, you seem to have had a bit of a decline

from the glory days of selling theatres, Mr Prest.

I'm not sure what you mean.

Well, firstly, there was the girl who you hypnotised

that turned out to be under 18.

Well, she certainly didn't look under 18.

I think you know full well what the law is regarding stage hypnotism.

One mistake.

And then there was the man

who you made think he was Mr Punch,

from Punch and Judy, and that triggered memories of his own abuse.

Isn't that right?

They didn't prove it.

On the criminal court, no.

But you were successfully sued in a civil case...

Yeah.

..after he tried to commit suicide.

That was a witch-hunt.

I had nothing to do with his psychological problems

or anything else that may

or may not have happened to him.

But you see, our problem here...

Last night in a pub, during an unregulated performance,

you get someone on stage to simulate sex unaware that he is doing it

and now, today he...

The man is a liar.

Whatever he did

had nothing to do with me.

Count yourself lucky, Mr Jones.

And if you want my advice, make sure we don't see you here again.

No danger.

Right. This way.

If you could explain to the woman it wasn't my fault,

that we were both victims in this.

Paudge.

They said yes.

-What?

-They're happy to give me an overdraft.

-No kidding?

-Yeah, 2,000 plus I have another two in savings.

That's...

-That's a really kind offer, Sharon, but...

-But what?

-Have it, take it. There's no rush to pay me back.

-No.

No, the offer means more to me than I can say, but I can't.

Why not?

It's more, isn't it?

Is it more?

What are you going to do?

Niamh.

-Niamh.

-HE LAUGHS

You will not ask her out.

You will be happy to hand over a tenner to Adrijan.

Sean, Adrijan, quick.

DOOR BUZZES

-Wake him up.

-No.

Whatever you have done to him, I'm telling you to undo it now.

HE SIGHS

When you wake up, you'll be in a park, there's a young lady there...

-No, you can't. Stop this.

-..and you'll do what you always do...

No, stop.

This doesn't prove anything.

I want you to wake him up now.

-HE SNAPS FINGERS

-Awake.

Mr Jones.

-Mr Jones.

-He can't hear you.

OK, enough. Enough.

And sleep.

Sleep.

Sleep.

I rest my case.

It means nothing. It proves nothing.

-Now wake him up. Properly this time.

-One sec, Sarge.

I mean, while he's here like this,

we may as well check he is whoever he says he is.

It might be nothing but we couldn't find any credit cards, ID, nothing.

-No.

-You want his real name?

-Easy.

-No.

-WHISPERS:

-Tell me your true name.

HE SNAPS FINGERS

Andrew Prest.

-John Patterson.

-Whoa.

-Why, what's going on?

Your records suggest a little more

than a careless exhibitionism, Mr Patterson.

Indecent exposure,

abusing a position of trust,

making obscene phone calls.

So, it's back to the cell, I'm afraid.

And that's C-E-L-L.

Yeah.

Let's go.

Good day?

Sorry, but I don't think there's any point in me doing this.

The inspectors interview.

What's brought this on?

If by some miracle I pass, I'll be transferred.

You know, spend even less time at home.

It's not fair on Conor or you or Stephen.

Haven't we got enough on without me swanning off?

We'll manage.

And we need the extra cash.

Look, we've talked through all this.

It's Nikki.

-Nikki?

-You should see her bloody notebooks.

Maps, diagrams, pie charts.

-HE LAUGHS

-Pie charts.

You know, she's a shoo-in to pass but me?

It's going to be humiliating.

You've worked hard for this. You've earned it.

You're not allowed to pull out. OK?

ENGINE STARTS

-I bet you wish you could hypnotise all your suspects?

-You're not wrong.

You're not wrong, Liam.

What?

What are you doing cosying up to my dad?

Listen, Niamh, I was wondering if I could take you out sometime.

Just you and me.

-You and me, Sean.

-Yeah. Just you and me.

We're just not...

OK. Let me ask you one question. What's your favourite book?

Favourite book?

Can't it be a film?

Listen, Niamh, I just want to take you out for a drink, a meal,

a movie or something.

I'm not suggesting that we go reading together.

Well?

Is that a yes?

Make it quick. I'm busy.

You go anywhere near my mother again

and I'll break every bone in your body.

HE LAUGHS

Excuse me?

I don't think you're the one to be making threats, Paudgie boy.

Or what?

You'll shock me?

I don't think so,

because I'm worth way more to you in this job than out of it,

so here's how it's going to be, OK?

One, stay away from my mother.

Two, I want cash.

-Cash?

-In hand. Regular notes.

What do I get?

Everything you need to know.

Yo, Kosos!

-HE LAUGHS

-No.

Yeah, boy!

Asked her, and, uh...

back of the net!

-When?

-Tonight.

Yeah, man.

-How do I know that for sure?

-What?

I have only your word for it. I need proof.

-Proof?

-Proof.

Restorative justice, yes, well, I think it has its place.

Often the offender has no idea of the impact their crime has had,

so meeting the victim gives them a welcome dose of reality,

allows them to apologise and take responsibility for their actions.

And for the victims, it gives them a voice,

a chance to say what they feel and move on.

But to call it justice,

to imply that it's an alternative effective punishment

or even a deterrent, well, then you're on thin ground.

Ice.

No, that was good. That was really good.

-You think?

-No question. Now, coffee, Inspector.

-Thanks.

Beady is definitely using the bar in the back of The Goat.

Can we get anyone in there?

No, it's too small. Everyone knows everyone.

-They'd automatically be suspicious of someone new.

-OK.

But there's no reason we can't keep tabs from the outside.

Do it. Just make sure you're back in time for the inspectors interview.

Mm. Boss, who's your money on to pass - me or Ange?

-It'll either be one or both of you.

-That's not fair.

You can't be sitting on the fence.

-That's the beauty of being the boss. You can sit wherever you like.

-Oh.

Sean, Adrijan, this is Martin.

He's been having some trouble with his neighbours.

He's anxious this remains private

and the neighbours don't know he's the one who complained.

They'll kill me.

No, I mean it. Seriously.

Mr Fielding, let's start at the beginning.

And take your time.

I haven't had a decent night's sleep for weeks.

The noise, parties, shouting, doors slamming.

And the mess.

Mess?

They throw everything over the wall into my garden.

Bottles, cans. Worse - food, used contraceptives.

It's shocking. It's just shocking.

How long has this been going on for?

I've only moved in a couple of months, but most days.

Now I know why the rent is so cheap.

Have you tried speaking to them?

Yeah, but they just shout back, laugh, spit and turn the music up.

And is it one member of the family or all of them?

None of them are angels, but the girl doesn't seem too bad.

The woman has got a mouth on her like you wouldn't believe,

and the father is a bit of a waster, but the son...

the son is the real problem.

You said you thought

if they knew about your complaint, they'd kill you.

What makes you say that?

When I reported them to the council

they left a gas cylinder on my doorstep

and flicked matches at it.

It was empty, but they said it wouldn't be next time.

OK, better get some details. Can we start with their names?

Kiely. Vincent, Bridget and Keith.

Does he have any proof? CCTV, camera footage?

-Nope.

-Nothing even on his phone?

No, he's scared that if they saw him trying that,

they'd just come in and take it.

-They'd also know it was him.

-Any criminal damage?

Apart from the constant litter,

he's pretty sure they've keyed his car and let the tyres down.

But he doesn't want to make a statement?

Not much we can do, then.

Yeah, but is that just because it's the Kielys?

Makes no difference to me who they are, unless we have a case.

We can't just sit back and do nothing.

Surely it's worth trying to rattle a few cages.

OK. Go.

-Wow. You look smart.

-You too.

Any chance you could spare a couple of officers today?

-Paudge and Sharon are about.

-OK, good luck.

-You too.

-Oh, come here. I just heard.

Fitzgibbons called in sick today,

so there's a different chief super on the panel.

-What? Who?

-I don't know.

Bang goes all my homework.

I knew jobs departments,

even some of the cases she'd worked on.

Me too.

You've no idea who else they've got?

No, only it's not going to be another woman.

-Great. An all-male panel.

-SHE LAUGHS

I know. It's a bummer.

I know it falls short, but the offer is still there.

No, it's fine. It's sorted.

No, seriously.

The insurance is paying out - finally -

and the builders are in.

-It's touch and go, but...

-If you're sure.

Sharon. Hey. You've been freed up for me today,

so I was wondering if you could you nip round to the court

-and swear a drug search warrant for Beady's house.

-Sure.

We're going to be watching The Goat today,

so if anything turns up, we want to be able to go straight round to his.

Paudge, you up for a bit of OBBO?

Uh, I'm kind of busy right now, Sarge.

You know the way it is with paperwork.

He's better after feeding time.

FOOTSTEPS APPROACH

Oh...

It's the guards.

-What?

-Yeah. Go.

BELL RINGS Don't let them in.

KNOCK AT DOOR

KNOCKING CONTINUES

-Keith.

-What?

Keith!

-What did I just say?

-I did what you said, man.

-It smells nice in here.

-What? What is this?

Come to hit me again when I'm not looking?

Vincent not home?

Yeah, he's in bed. He's working nights.

-You wake him, your funeral.

-No need.

It's really yourself we'd like to chat with.

Yeah, if he's working nights,

-then it can't be him who's making all the noise.

-What noise?

-Lovely.

-CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS

Ah, Paudge!

-What?

-Oh.

That's disgusting.

As my mam says,

better an empty house than an awkward tenant.

You think that he was born shifty looking

or is that just from years of practice?

-Born, I'd say.

-Yeah.

Takes practice to play the innocent.

Yeah.

So, who was it, then? Was it that snotty couple next door, was it?

You want to go knocking into them with their dog. Yap, yap, yap!

No-one's complaining about any dog.

It's noise, loud music, people coming and going through the night.

They can come and go as they please. This is my house, my home.

I've got little enough to party about, right? My brother is dead.

And when I do, no-one - I mean no-one - is going to stop me.

Misery guts Martin, was it?

I bet you it was him, that little runt.

-It's confidential.

-Yeah, thought so.

There's also allegations of cars and property being damaged.

Foxes.

-What?

-Foxes.

Yeah, foxes.

Ah, you want to see them around here. They're terrible, they are.

They do be tearing up car tyres and just knocking things over.

I saw one of them smash up a bird table.

-Yeah.

-Foxes?

-Mm-hm.

Foxes.

And who smoked that joint just now, squirrels?

Last warning.

Do you know him?

That's Mud Flaps.

Mud Flaps.

Where do these guys get their names from?

He steals car parts and flogs them on to fund his habit.

Yep.

All we need now, boss, is for Beady to be here. OK.

God.

"'Vengeance is mine,' saith the Lord."

You know what they say, Paudge? If you can't stand the heat...

Get out of the kitchen.

All right, ten more minutes and then I have to head back.

I've got my inspectors interview.

OK.

CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS

Wait, something is not right here.

I'm right, look. The holdall carrier bag.

It's not there. Mud Flaps, he doesn't have it any more.

It's missing.

What?

Yes.

Yes.

CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS

Right, we've got to sit tight here.

There's definitely something going on.

What about your interview?

Is it possible that Mud Flaps is more than just a user?

Yeah, but he's a dozy mare. It might be just he forgot.

-Left his...

-They're all here now. Let's go!

No, we can't just go charging in.

-Not unless we can be certain.

-I am.

Yeah, but it's going to take more than just the two of us.

All right, call for backup. I'll get onto McKay.

-OVER RADIO:

-'Hugo Victor Wild Tree, assistance on its way.

'ETA - two minutes.'

Roger that.

-Silent approach.

-'Understood.'

Damn, it's Beady. And he's leaving.

And he's got the carrier bag and the holdall! Let's go!

Brendan Burke, DS Grogan.

-Ms Grogan.

-Mind if we have a quick word?

-Do I have a choice?

-Is this your bag?

Garda Brennan...

Mind showing us what's in the bag, Mr Burke?

Yeah, I do mind. This is a huge mistake, and I take great exception.

Just open the bag, Beady. Save us all a lot of bother.

CAR APPROACHING

Is there a problem?

-No problem.

-Good.

Trick or treat.

So, for later then, I'll pick you up around seven?

-OK.

-Great.

What book should I bring?

HE LAUGHS

Ah! Well, what did I tell you?

Result.

Come on. Pay up.

Boom shakalaka.

Sweets?

We were done up like a dog's dinner.

Beady knew we were coming.

The only way we could've looked any stupider

was if the super and myself were wearing dresses.

-So, I got the search warrant.

-We're not going to execute.

No point.

Sorry, everyone. All that work.

Nikki, interview.

Oh!

Well, look who I found outside.

Thought I'd bring him in for a nice cup of tea.

-I can't stay.

-Course you can. Sit down there, Marty.

-Keith!

-Jesus, put the kettle on. Sit down.

So, how many sugars?

-No, no sugar...

-Four. Four sugars. Four sugars, Jesus.

That's an awful lot of sugar. Quite the sweet tooth on you.

-I really must be going.

-No.

Come on, Marty.

That wouldn't be very neighbourly of you, would it?

Me inviting you into my home and you just rejecting my hospitality?

No.

Biscuits. Jesus, bring in the biscuits.

I bet you you like a good biscuit, Marty, don't you?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No. Listen...

I don't mind. Honestly.

Grand. Great. I'll see you later. Cool.

Trouble already?

No.

Money back.

No, no, no. The bet was to ask her out, and I did.

It's just her friend is having this fancy dress thing later

-and she wants both of us to go.

-Sweet.

Yeah. It is sweet, mate.

And I'm telling you,

yours truly doesn't need to worry about a costume.

She's going to drop it around later. Just need to let her know what...

-PHONE RINGS

-..size I am.

Adrijan, you're not going to get that?

Red Rock Garda Station.

Yeah. Yeah.

On our way.

Disturbance at the Kielys.

Now.

Ah, here.

-How did it go?

-Um, good.

-The replacement?

-Oh, you'll have no trouble.

He's my old boss.

Your old boss?

-Great. Brilliant for you.

-What do you mean?

Come on.

You don't think that I'll get it on my own merit?

No, I...

Listen, best of luck, Ange.

You know there's room for us both.

Were you threatened?

Did the Kielys threaten you?

They offered me a cup of tea.

A cup...cup of tea?

And a biscuit.

And that was it?

And what, you then went and smashed up your own house?

Right.

No, you don't understand.

I've never been so scared in all my life.

I knew, suddenly I knew, no-one was ever going to evict them,

so now they'll have to evict me.

I can't live there any more. I really can't.

Sorry.

How did it go?

Well, you know, fine on the detail, but thrown by a couple of questions.

Mainly what my family would think if I got the promotion.

Would they be happy with the long commute?

It might only be for the year.

I know, but it came out a bit waffly.

This might not be the right time, but we have a problem.

The OBBO on Beady, he knew we were coming.

Worse than that. He knew in advance.

What?

-How come?

-That's the problem. I have no idea.

Some eejit guard chatting his mouth off down the pub.

Mm. Let's hope so.

Here he comes.

Rarrrr!

Are you not entertained? SHE LAUGHS

Wait, I forgot something.

My name is Maximus Seanimus!

Niamh!

Wait, what? Are you not going to...?

Where did you...?

-CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS

-Don't worry.

It's just for me.

Niamh!

Yeah, hilarious. Just hilarious.

I'm not some joke you have with your friend.

What are you talking about?

-I saw you.

-What?

I saw you with Adrijan.

No, no, no.

That was, um...

Hmm.

That was a bet that I'd bottle it

because I was...too scared to ask you out.

Why on earth would you be afraid of me?

Well, cos sometimes I have to look up words you say in a dictionary.

-A dictionary?

-Yeah.

-OK, then name one.

OK.

There. What does that say?

-Frittata.

-ITALIAN ACCENT: Frittata. SHE LAUGHS

Why couldn't you just say cheese and potato omelette?

-Because it isn't.

-It is.

-No, it's not.

-It is!

Are you just going to stand there shouting or what?

Maybe I like standing here.

-Fine.

-Fine.

-That's a good spear.

-It's a... It's a sword.

And, yeah, it's a very good sword.

Actually, the Romans called it a gladius.

Look, just...enough, already.