Gilt The Coroner

-Shall we call it a day?

-Not yet.

Looks like a storm's in the post.

Since when's a bit of weather stopped us?

I'm just saying!

If you want to go, then go!

Come on, Ray. You heard him.

Pint?

Oh, sounds like a plan to me.

BLEEPING

What is it?

Four pints of Lighthaven Gold.

Cheers, love.

Late-night skinny-dipping?

I asked for cider.

Well, I thought Lighthaven Gold seemed appropriate, considering.

Keep your voice down!

Any luck today, Errol?

-Not this time.

-Well, don't give up.

There be treasure out there somewhere! Har-har!

If word gets out we struck gold,

we'll have every treasure hunter in the south-west on our patch.

Who's to say there isn't more?

According to club rules,

all finds must be divided equally amongst those present.

-So...

-So let's divvy it up!

-Leave it!

We only want our fair share.

You'll get it.

But we're doing this properly.

-Who are you calling?

-The coroner's office.

I have to report the find. It's the law.

Until then, I'm not letting these coins out of my sight.

HE COUGHS

THUNDERCLAP

HE COUGHS

BANGING

BANGING

THUNDERCLAP

Who's there?!

BANGING

THUNDERCLAP

SQUAWKING

TICKING

Beth? Get in here!

What've I done now?

"Regarding last week's piece on Lighthaven's haunted churches,

"please report on actual news

"and not the superstitious ramblings of the permanently deluded."

-You didn't tell me about this.

-What's the big deal?

-My little girl's got her name in print!

-Did I miss something?

Only that your granddaughter's now a published writer.

I just think it's stupid they're talking about ghosts

as though they actually exist.

I thought you were into all that gory stuff.

A corpse is fascinating enough without Casper popping out of it.

You should keep an open mind.

Your mum reckons someone's found Long Ben's treasure.

I said nothing about Long Ben.

Who's Long B...? Not another one of your ex-boyfriends?

A silly local legend.

Long Ben's Pirate Curse.

A vicious pirate, fatally-wounded,

clambers on shore to bury his treasure.

Before he dies, he vows to return and slaughter anyone who touches it.

Yeah, right! We both know the only thing

that's cursed around here is Mum's love life.

What's this got to do with us?

Aw, did they find Long Ben's bones?

Treasure falls under the remit of the Coroner's Office.

We need to confirm who found what, when.

Fine, but I'm not touching it. I don't want to catch the curse.

You make it sound like it's a disease!

It's our responsibility to establish facts, Clint.

Anyway, there's no such thing as...

You were quick. I've only just called the office.

You'd better come inside.

It's a shot from the inside with an air rifle.

Oh! What IS that?

That is Errol Prowse.

He made a 999 call at 2:15am

saying that someone was coming to kill him.

By the time our boys got here, they found the front and rear doors bolted

and the victim was already dead.

-He looks scared.

-He smells scared.

Yeah. No obvious wound, though.

Seizure maybe, if he worked himself up into a state.

What, you're saying he frightened himself to death?

No, I'm saying I'm not ruling out natural causes.

What about the supernatural causes?

Ignore him. Why don't you go to the car and get a report form?

Who's the girl?

Amelia Prowse. Granddaughter.

She was in a nasty car accident a few years ago.

She survived, but both her parents were killed.

-Man of few words.

-Yeah.

-She lives here?

-Yeah. No sign of her, though.

Been trying to phone her mobile.

The coins.

-You said he called you about them?

-Yeah. Just after 9:00.

No, don't open it. We need to avoid exposing it to the elements.

-Has it been dusted for prints?

-Yeah.

-Great.

Whoa! Hang on. That's evidence, that.

Treasure's my jurisdiction.

Don't worry, I'll let you read the report.

Where's Grandad?

-Amelia?

-Grandad?

No! No! Grandad!

No! What's happened?!

No! Ah!

He took me in after my parents died.

Where were you last night?

Exeter. It was my birthday a couple of days ago.

-Some mates wanted to take me out.

-Sit down.

How did he die?

It's too early to say.

But, you know, your grandfather's claim should still be honoured.

-The coins?

-Sorry?

He didn't mention it?

I haven't seen him since breakfast yesterday.

Your grandfather found some gold coins on the clifftop.

I need to have them assessed to find out how valuable they are, but...

Wow! I knew he planned on meeting up with the LTH,

but normally all he comes back with is a bad mood.

LTH?

Sorry. Lighthaven Treasure Hunters.

He chaired the committee.

Nowadays, there's only four of them.

FAINT POLICE RADIO

'He's outside. He's coming for me!'

'Can you give me your name, sir?'

'It's him! The Captain.'

'Leave me alone!'

-GUNSHOT

-What did I tell you? Long Ben!

You think Errol was murdered by a pirate ghost?

Why not? I saw a ghost once.

Seriously, it properly freaked me out.

It came into my hotel room, groaned and then wandered off again.

I would've left there and then, but I was a bit worse for wear.

Scientific proof. I take it all back(!)

No chance it was just another guest who got the wrong room, no?

So we're looking for witnesses

and I'll check out the other treasure hunters,

see if they know anything about Errol's movements last night.

But I'm pretty certain it was natural causes.

Natural causes? The guy clearly thought someone was coming for him.

And I don't believe it was a dead pirate.

All the doors and windows were locked,

so, how would a murderer have got away?

Amelia must have a key.

She was away all night, I checked.

And it was bolted from the inside.

No sign of a struggle. And if someone had wanted to kill him,

why didn't they take the gold?

No, he was just an old man with a dickey ticker shooting at shadows.

And judging by the empty whisky bottles,

he wasn't looking after himself either.

My gut says foul play.

I've warned you about Mick's curries.

Either way, I need to get an expert opinion on these gold coins.

I'm going to meet the curator at the museum.

The museum gift shop lady! What's her name?

-Isn't she one of the treasure people?

-Is she?

In which case, I'm coming with you.

I'm not sure I trust you with all that gold.

I always wondered what this place was.

KNOCK AT DOOR

-Ah!

-Jane Kennedy. Pleasure to meet you, Professor.

-Oh, please. Taliesin.

-Tali...?

-Just Tal is fine.

-OK.

-Come in.

-Thank you.

I was wondering when we'd finally get to work together.

So I haven't touched the coins, they're still covered in mud.

Perfect. Layers of sediment can be as important as the artefact itself

in terms of dating and identification.

Have you alerted the British Museum?

Not yet. I'm not really sure what I'm looking at.

Well, I could take a peek.

-I've got a small lab set up here, so...

-Great! Thank you.

It's where we keep all our natural history samples.

Weird little sea creatures in formaldehyde, that kind of thing.

Well, I don't want to distract you, so I'll just take a look around the museum, if that's all right?

Sorry! THEY CHUCKLE

OK, thank you.

Sorry.

So, when did you last see him?

After the pub. We walked Errol back to his cottage, like bodyguards,

and then I went home.

OK. Can anyone confirm what time you got back?

-Only Alfie.

-Alfie. Right.

-Who's Alfie?

-My cat.

And how did Errol seem to you when you left him?

Grumpy, as always. Huh! He thought he was coming down with something.

That's no surprise when he spends half his life in the muddy fields

and the other half drinking!

Who else knew about the treasure?

Only the four of us.

Oh, and that coroner Errol called.

You know, you should question him.

Yeah. I'll be sure to check her out.

-Bad news?

-Mass-produced modern fakes.

-You sure?

-They're even stamped

with the initials of the company that makes them.

Why would someone bury them on the cliff tops?

A hoax, maybe? I'm sorry.

OK.

I guess our friend wasn't the victim of a pirate ghost after all.

Pirate ghost?

Long Ben. Lighthaven's very own Captain Hook.

Except Long Ben was real. Come with me.

Yeah, it's an arrest warrant for Captain Henry Avery from 1696.

Long Ben was one of his aliases.

Most of his crew were executed, but Avery escaped

and no-one ever saw him again. Here.

-Pirate treasure?

-Maybe.

It was found on a beach half a mile away.

Spanish, but it was minted in Mexico.

A gold pistole coin, late 17th century.

And this belonged to Long Ben?

We can't know for sure, but Avery was born just down the coast.

Many believe he was trying to get home.

And what about this so-called curse?

The young man who found that coin

died in a freak accident shortly afterwards.

Before long, stories started.

"Touch the coin and fall victim to Long Ben's curse!"

You don't believe there's any truth to it?

Of course I do. That's why I'm wearing latex gloves.

-So, now I'm cursed?

-Well...

Is there nothing that can save me?

Well, there is one thing.

You can let me buy you lunch.

I know this lovely little place.

If you're going to get murdered by a pirate ghost,

you might as well make the most of the time you've got left.

Errol scared off most of the original members.

Scared off? How?

By being a miserable git, that's how.

-So, why did you stick with it?

-You've got to be in it to win it.

The fewer the members, the... Ahem! ..the bigger the cut.

Right, OK. Thanks very much, Miss Luscombe.

Just that, thanks.

That'll be £2.99, then, please.

Skull and crossbones? Bit tasteless, isn't it, for a coroner?

It's for Beth.

To celebrate the start of her glittering career in journalism.

-Oh. Wow!

-Thank you.

I know!

-Thanks.

-Bye.

Cynical and convinced she's always right.

Chip off the old block, ain't she?

Did you notice her shoes?

Stupid question.

They're expensive. Very.

-How can she afford those on a shop wage?

-Rich boyfriend?

Talking of which, what did your brainiac say about the coins?

Worthless replicas. At least he let me hold some of Long Ben's real treasure.

Ah, the old classic, "Want to touch a precious artefact?" line.

Hang on a minute, if you've touched it,

doesn't that mean you're next on Long Ben's hit list?

-Nice try. I don't believe in...

-Whoa!

-Argh!

Argh!

-HE CHUCKLES

-Pirate curses?

They can't be fake!

An expert examined them and...

Grandad obsessed over old coins. He would have known.

So, what are you saying?

Someone nicked the real coins and put the replicas in their place!

Shall we get some fresh air? Come on.

Lived here since my parents died.

I did everything for him.

Shopping, cooking, cleaning.

He was too busy treasure hunting.

Modern replicas don't qualify as treasure.

The coins my grandad found were real.

-Please understand...

-No, you understand!

Grandad's already remortgaged the cottage.

There's no life insurance, no savings.

If you don't find that gold, I'll have to sell up.

That place is all I've got left of him.

I know this must be very hard for you...

Grandad's dead and someone's taken his treasure. You HAVE to find it.

What does she expect you to do?

We searched the cottage, there's no coins there.

Unless you count the 17p down the back of the sofa.

I feel I owe it to her to keep looking.

If we can find out what happened to Errol,

-maybe we'll find the real coins.

-If they even exist.

-SHE GASPS

-Whoa-oa-oa!

If you say, "pirate curse" one more time,

I'm going to shove you in that water.

-Right, hang on.

-Oh, thank you.

-Good luck, that.

-Really?

You here about Errol?

Debs called me.

-You were with him last night?

-That's right.

We walked him back, then we went straight home.

How do you know the others went straight home?

It was very late. I know I did.

Could someone have swapped the treasure before then?

-Swapped?

-Well, the coins we saw were replicas.

His granddaughter's convinced they were swapped.

Impossible. The four of us were together the whole time.

We barely took our eyes off it.

Did Errol have any enemies?

He could be prickly, but enemies? No.

-Is there anything else? I need to get on.

-No, that's fine. Thanks.

Can your wife confirm what time you got home?

Doubt it.

She was snoring like an outboard motor when I got back.

-Maybe we should pop round, double check.

-Yeah.

Wait!

I might have stopped off somewhere on the way back.

Where?

A friend's flat.

A friend, or more than a friend?

If you prefer, we could have this conversation in front of your wife?

-HE SIGHS

-All right.

I've been seeing someone.

One of your fellow treasure hunters?

That'd explain where Debs got those expensive shoes from, then, eh?

Except it's not Debs, is it?

Who, then?

-He admitted it?

-You're surprised?

I love Ray, but he's been in the closet for so long

that he has mothballs in his pocket.

-Were you together all night?

-Until 4am.

If he leaves it any later, his wife's sleeping pills wear off.

And did Errol know about you two?

No, I doubt it. He was only interested in himself.

You didn't like him?

Put it this way, if it wasn't for Ray,

I would have left LTH years ago.

Errol was a bully with a nasty temper. Ask anyone.

Oi! I told Ray Mason, I'm not having your lot in here.

-What did you say?

-Er...Mick...?

-Go on, scarper! You're barred!

You can't bar someone for being gay!

Eh? The lad can sleep with men,

women or inflatable sheep for all I care!

I don't want no treasure hunters bringing their curse in my pub.

And here was me thinking you couldn't sound more ridiculous.

Here, word's out that they found Long Ben's gold.

My punters are a superstitious lot. It's bad for business.

There's no such thing as a pirate curse!

-Oi!

-SMASH!

Ha! Been meaning to look at that fuse box, lads! Ha-ha!

Right, I think we should go.

-Thanks.

-Go on.

Go on!

You need to find what happened before that lot start phoning exorcists.

Hang on, you're the one saying someone murdered Errol

and then vanished from a locked room.

Maybe I should bring Long Ben in for questioning.

Unless Errol was a dead man before he got home.

-You've lost me.

-Get in.

-Where are we going?

-Mortuary.

-Lucky me(!)

I need to see you, now!

OK. "Time of death..." Blah-blah-blah.

"Most likely cause of death,

"respiratory paralysis during a seizure.

"The presence of bloodied diarrhoea suggests

"the ingestion of a toxin."

There was poison?

Yeah, I'll chase up the tox report.

All right, well, maybe he was murdered.

Could've happened in the pub. Ray said all eyes were on the treasure.

Or someone could've gone back to the house once they'd all gone,

poisoned him and then left before it took effect.

Well, there was an empty whisky glass by the body.

-I can get it tested.

-OK.

Let me know what you find. I'm late.

-Late? What for?

-My date.

What date?

You can take that look off your face.

CREAKING

Hello?

CREAKING

-SMASH!

-Oh, no, no, no, no!

Oh, no!

-Ah, Deborah.

-Professor!

What's wrong?

I'm afraid I have some bad news.

SHE SIGHS

SHE SIGHS

Well? What's wrong?

I like it.

No need to look quite so shocked.

I just wanted to let you know how proud I am of you.

Right. Can I borrow you?

-OK. Red or blue?

-Red.

-Blue it is.

-It's your funeral.

Wear the red, it shows off your cleavage!

Mum! He works in a museum!

He's still a man!

Hm!

It's beautiful, isn't it?

Yeah.

It's not quite what I expected, but...

-Oh, if you'd prefer...

-No, no, no, it's fine.

Poor girl.

She's already lost her parents.

How did she take the news about the coins?

Well, she's convinced someone bumped Errol off,

took the real treasures and put the fakes in their place.

Why would she think that?

She said her grandfather was obsessed with coins, would know a fake.

And I think she's protecting the memory of her grandfather.

HE SCOFFS

What's that supposed to mean?

I can't say I took to him, personally.

-You knew Errol?

-Oh, no, no. I met him once.

I helped him find some old maps in the archives a few weeks ago.

You've, um...

You've got a bit of...

-Ah!

-HE CHUCKLES

Here, let me.

Thank you.

SHE CHUCKLES

I take it there's not a Mr Coroner?

You don't hang about, do you?

It's a professional habit.

Rare treasures don't come along very often.

You have to make the most of it when they do.

SHE SOBS

The university wanted me to run the department,

but I'd had enough of city life.

I wanted to be somewhere I could breathe.

So, do you think you'll stay here?

Well, it depends what happens with the museum.

With budget cuts as they are... Whoa!

..you never know what's around the bend.

Maybe there's something to be said for pirate curses.

Perhaps it's like fairy tales.

The princess is cursed until...

A handsome stranger comes along.

PHONE RINGS

Hold that thought.

Davey. What is it?

What, now?

SHE SIGHS No, fine. I'm on my way back. Bye.

-I'm sorry, I have to go.

-Already?

Someone's got some information about the pirate treasure.

Really?

Sorry.

Right, so, what's this new piece of information?

-I need protection.

-From who?

-From him!

(Long Ben!)

Look, I only kept one.

There's another one!

But he's coming for me now. He sent me a message.

A ship in a bottle. And I've just lost my job!

You were fired from the museum?

I can barely make the rent on my flat as it is.

I've got credit-card debts coming out of my ears

and I've got this pain just here.

It's the curse, I know it is!

Look, just take it. I don't want it any more.

Miss Luscombe, you're perfectly safe.

As far as we can tell, the treasure isn't real.

So, you can't be cursed, can you?

Yeah. Can you just keep me in overnight, just in case?

Will you excuse us just a moment? A word?

You brought me back for this?

I thought it might be important.

-Sarge?

-Nice one. Thanks, Jim.

I know that face.

This is all your fault.

Only because you let him walk all over you.

VEHICLE APPROACHES

The lady in the cottage down the hill from Errol

said she heard a van late last night.

Looked suspicious, so she wrote down the reg.

What were you doing there, Ray?

Or maybe I should arrest you both.

It's my fault.

I'd had a few drinks.

I got paranoid that Errol was trying to keep the reward.

-So...

-So you persuaded Ray to go back and demand your share?

I'm guessing it didn't go well.

I knocked, but there was no answer.

So I went round the back and he started firing at me.

So I hid in the shed.

I heard sirens and I scarpered.

Did you see anyone else?

-No.

-So, why did you lie?

I went back this morning to make peace with him.

Then I saw your lot and I panicked.

I didn't want to get in any trouble.

All right.

I think we'll finish this down the station.

What d'you reckon?

It just doesn't sit right.

Well, we can place him at the scene

and he's got motive enough with the coins.

Yeah, I know, but...

Maybe if there'd been an argument, a struggle.

Ray lost his temper in the heat of the moment,

whacked Errol over the head, that...that would make sense,

but to poison him? It's...

..it's premeditated. I just don't buy it.

You know, for once, I think you might have a point.

-Any sign of the coins?

-No.

The lads are searching his house, but there's nothing there so far.

I hate to say it, but...I believe him.

Well, we'll keep him here for a while,

see if we can prise anything useful out of him.

-Good luck with that.

-You got any better ideas?

Right. No local shops selling replicas,

but a few online places stock the same ones.

Start calling around.

See if there are any orders to this area.

If we can find out who buried these, I can prove to Amelia there never was any real treasure.

Wait a minute.

Where'd you get that one from?

Deborah Luscombe.

-Where you going?

-The treasure hunt is back on.

I was just thinking about you.

-Where?

-One of the treasure hunters pocketed it

when they were digging them up.

OK. I-I'm supposed to be going to a meeting, just give me one minute.

-I'll tell them something's come up.

-OK.

TAL CLEARS THROAT

-Where were we?

-I've just had a call. Urgent. I'll ring you later.

But...but I should...take a look.

You were right.

The only phone call from Errol's mobile phone was to you,

but the signal in the pub comes and goes, so I checked the payphone.

Someone phoned the professor at 10:00 last night.

God, it was him, wasn't it?

-Mm. So, do you think your boyfriend...?

-He's not my boyfriend!

..could have found out about the treasure,

gone round to Errol's, swapped the coins, poisoned him

and then disappeared while he was still alive?

-No.

-But you...

He didn't swap them that night. He needed time to sort out the replicas.

And, of course, he knew I would bring them to him

because he's the curator. I'm such an idiot!

Well, be that as it may, we still don't have enough evidence.

Not enough to get a search warrant. And toxicology's drawn a blank.

Without the coins, we can't prove your professor was involved.

Shouldn't we at least talk to him?

-You want to take down his particulars(?)

-Shut up!

-No, I think we should find out who made the phone call first.

-How?

By going to the pub.

Nice one. Thanks, Moz.

He reckons Errol was the only person to use the payphone last night.

Was Moz here all night?

Moz is always here. Mick wants to charge him rent.

Here we go!

Thank you, my lover.

I didn't know we were staying.

Oh, give him a break.

Yeah, come on. I've been on duty since 7:00.

Anyway, we can celebrate Beth's wonderful achievement.

Cheers!

Could I please have a quick word?

-You've got to get that bracelet off Beth.

-Why?

I bought them cheap from a mate of mine,

sold them on to the local shops.

-But he rang me a couple of days ago...

-What have you done?

Turns out they're made from jequirity beans.

They're from Peru, or someplace like that.

Thing is, they're poisonous. They contain Abrin.

-Abrin?!

-Ssh! I've tried to buy them all back,

but one or two of them may have already been sold.

Like the one on my daughter's wrist.

They're only toxic if you break open the shell,

so she shouldn't be in any immediate danger.

And how am I going to get it off her?

If I tell her it's made from a highly poisonous bean, she's going to like it even more.

I think I know what Tal used to poison Errol and how we find the coins.

-You going so soon?

-Yeah. Sorry.

Glad you like your bracelet. Apparently, they're all the rage.

I saw a picture of Justin Bieber wearing one.

Oh, I like Justin Bieber.

-What's wrong?

-Nothing.

-I thought you liked it?

-No, I-I do.

Because if you don't, you could swap it for something else.

Or I could give you the money and you could choose something?

Mick, you got that money you owe me?

Eh?

-Sure you don't mind?

-No, of course not.

Thanks!

-Result!

-Hm!

PHONE RINGS

I was wondering when you'd call.

Sorry I had to run off earlier, but I've got good news.

-Oh, yeah?

-The police know where the real treasure is.

They haven't given me the details yet,

-but they're on their way to arrest the man responsible.

-Oh, g...great!

So you'll get to examine a real hoard after all.

Drink later to celebrate?

Yeah, yeah, of course. Um...can I call you back?

-I'm just in the middle of something.

-Yes, of course.

-Er...bye, then.

-Yeah, bye.

You really think he's going to fall for that?

He was arrogant enough to believe I'd been blinded by his charms.

He's got a point, though, hasn't he?

What can I say? I've got terrible taste in men.

See?

Excuse me! Let me just stop you there, sir.

Can I just have a look in that bag?

Hey!

Oh!

TAL GROANS

-What happened?

-Pirate curse.

I imagine collectors would pay a fortune for genuine pirate treasure.

They want to close us down.

I've already had to lay people off.

Those coins were our last hope.

You know what I think? Fortnight from now,

you'd be off somewhere on a private yacht, congratulating yourself.

It was greed, pure and simple.

Suppose a second date's out of the question?

OK. Mind your head.

Why does it matter, anyway? It's not like they belonged to anyone.

They'd been under the ground for hundreds of years.

Well, we both know that's not how it works.

But be that as it may, I'm not really interested in the coins.

-You're not?

-No.

-So...?

-Why did you give the poison to Errol?

-Poison?

-Come on, don't play games with me.

-I don't know what you're talking about!

-I'm trying to help you,

but if you don't want to cooperate...

Abrin. Controlled under the Terrorism Act.

You want to be done for terrorism as well as murder?

I said that I swapped the coins around.

I'll sign a statement, whatever, but I didn't murder anyone!

I don't believe you.

Look, I met up with Errol once a few weeks ago.

So? You had motive and access to the poison.

-What's this?

-That's a bracelet.

Those are jequirity beans.

Contain Abrin. Sold at your place of work.

Convenient, that, isn't it?

Lots of people work there.

-We're closed.

-We're not buying.

It's not my fault! I had no idea they were poisonous

until Mick phoned and he took them all back!

-All of them, even yours?

-Mine?

Professor Greening showed us how to access the staff discount log.

-You bought one for yourself.

-So, how did you do it?

Grind them up into his drink?

Like you said, fewer the members, bigger the cut.

Pay off your debts. You do it on your own,

-or were you working with Professor Greening?

-I-I didn't do anything!

Show us the bracelet.

I haven't got it any more.

I-I gave it to Errol!

-You admit it, then?

-No. As a present!

You expect us to believe you bought a bracelet for an ex-fisherman?

As a present for someone else.

He gave me the money. He wanted to use my staff discount.

So, who did he give it to?

I don't know.

-I think I do.

-Yeah.

So, you've found the treasure?

Yes. It'll be valued in due course.

Oh. My grandfather would've been very happy to hear it.

We've just got a few things to clear up.

-You still have the bracelet he gave you?

-Sorry?

You see, they pose a public health risk

and we're trying to track them down.

-I've never had a bracelet.

-Really?

We have a witness who says you were given one for your birthday.

They must be mistaken.

Want to explain how this got in your bins?

Oh, that? With what's gone on... I threw it away.

A gift from your late grandfather?

-It broke.

-It broke, or you broke it?

-I can't remember.

-You used it to poison him, didn't you?

That's ridiculous!

I would never hurt him. He was a kind, loving, gentle man.

I don't think he was any of those things.

-How dare you?!

-Even his best friend said he was prickly.

Errol was driving that night, wasn't he?

The night your parents were killed.

You see, we took a leaf out of your grandfather's book.

You do enough digging and eventually you find what you're looking for.

Now, it says here that the car ran off the road and hit a tree.

-Is that right?

-You blamed him for their deaths.

Which is a little bit unfair because according to this,

a deer ran out into the road and he swerved to miss it.

-He'd been drinking.

-Why wasn't he charged?

Because he got out of the car and ran away.

He said he was going to get help.

He didn't come back.

He left me in the car with...

with Mum and Dad.

What was left of them.

I was just a kid.

He said he was in shock. He got lost.

He knew those roads like the back of his hand.

He was waiting until he was sober enough to pass a breath test.

So you were forced to live with the man who killed your parents.

Cleaning up his mess, cooking for him.

No wonder you decided to poison him.

-I wasn't even here!

-Abrin takes a while to kick in.

You made him breakfast yesterday morning before you left, didn't you?

You had method, motive and opportunity.

You had to wait until you were 18, then you'd get your inheritance.

Except there isn't any, is there?

-Because you told me he'd spent the lot.

-We checked.

He blew it all.

On whisky and gadgets for his stupid treasure hunting.

All I got was that poxy bracelet.

I was going to sell it online.

Then when I found out that the beads were...

It seemed perfect.

Poetic.

You're under arrest.

I can't help but feel sorry for her.

-She didn't have to kill him.

-No, I know.

And if she hadn't, she would have inherited a small fortune.

I still don't get why Errol told the 999 operator it was Long Ben.

Well, he thought it was.

Abrin poisoning can cause pretty trippy hallucinations.

BANGING

Go away!

THUNDERCLAP

-Police!

-Let me in!

He's outside. He's coming for me!

Where's the gold, Errol?

It's him. The Captain!

LEAVE ME ALONE!

-Usual?

-Yeah.

Gosh, it's busy in here.

We've been heaving all night. Word must have got out.

Thinking of renaming the place The Pirate's Gold.

Get us a pint and a half while you're there, Clint. Cheers.

What is that?

What's that doing in there?

That should be in the package for the British Museum. Sorry.

You're a deeply evil person, you know that?

If you tell him that was a replica, I'll kick you in the doubloons.

MICK CHUCKLES

-So they're official.

-Looks like it.

Let's go and make some treasure hunters very happy.

I still can't believe a few coins are worth that much.

That's the legend of Long Ben.

Most pirates got caught eventually, but Henry Avery, he got away with it.

Disappeared without a trace.

Sailed off into the sunset.

Sounds kind of romantic when you say it like that.

Except when you strip back the myths and glamour

and realise he was a cold-blooded killer.

Do you think it really was his gold?

Well, it certainly didn't bring the professor much luck.

And the judge didn't buy his "saviour of the museum" act.

Oi! So go on, then, how much?

-Nuh-huh, no spoilers.

-Huh!

Thanks.

Maybe Beth was right.

Only thing cursed around here is my love life.

All rise for Her Majesty's Coroner.