The Pink Room Doctors

Rise and shine It's the breakfast express!

But, before we eat, Mummy would like you to try and squeeze her hand.

Just one teeny-tiny little squeeze.

Three, two, one, and...

Never mind, you're still a trooper.

In fact, what's this?

The breakfast express heard you tried really hard,

and wants to pay a visit.

Choo-choo! Choo-choo!

And she climbed the highest branch of the tallest tree.

Are you as bored as I am?

Then why don't we read something different? Just don't tell Mum.

That place down the road.

Seems OK.

Rooms are decent, staff seem kind,

but it's the rec facilities that are - wait for it -

swimmingly good.

I mean, the pool's not Olympic or anything, but it's big enough.

What the hell are you doing?

-How could you?

-I was just showing her a few pictures.

You promised me. You went behind my back.

We shouldn't have to keep everything from her.

Keep everything from her? I'm protecting her.

I'm just making sure she feels loved.

You're treating her like a child.

Well, mentally, she is a child. I know my daughter.

So do I.

Don't make it like I don't have a stake in this.

Gemma's my daughter too.

Good news - zumba's been cancelled,

and we can have the hall at lunchtime.

Instead of this evening?

As well as.

As well as? But we are in flu season.

It is nearly Christmas, and we are rushed off our feet.

No. No, we need the lunchtime to do administration.

Mrs Tembe, I have very little time to mount this production.

Dr Carter, I appreciate your effort,

but I have two surgeries to run, and I have to put them first.

Which is exactly what I'm doing.

A lot of patients will come and see the show.

Think of our reputation.

And we can catch up with the admin later.

I thought you were observing this morning.

Ah, couldn't make it. One of my clinic patients rescheduled.

Observing? Let me guess.

You're going to cryogenically freeze some teenager's skin cells,

so you can graft them back on in old age?

No, it's therapeutic Botox.

Therapeutic?

Yeah, it's a long-term patient.

She's been having a series of injections at St Phil's

into the flexor muscles of her right hand.

To stop intractable spasms?

And to help with the movement and control of her right thumb, yeah.

I've seen the first two injections. The third one's today.

I'm going to pop round later, and see how she's doing.

The difference that one thumb would make!

I'm impressed. That is proper medicine.

SHE SCOFFS

Someone doesn't agree.

Proper medicine works. We don't yet know if this treatment does.

The consultant in question may have raised the family's expectations,

all for nothing.

But if there's a chance that it'll improve the patient's

quality of life, they're going to try, aren't they?

Daniel, back me up here.

Look, you know, you can't generalise.

Every patient's different.

We explained the risks to the parents,

they want to give it a shot.

It's their choice, not ours.

-Hi, Tracy.

-Hi.

-Keeping well?

-Yeah, you?

-Yeah, yeah, not bad.

Carol, hi, it's Dr Granger.

-Of all the selfish...

-Me, selfish? You're the one who...

-Cares for her?

-Controls her!

-Oh, God!

-SMASHING

Now look what you've done.

Great(!) The doctor's here to take your side.

-Not a good time.

-No, stay.

It's not like I get a say in anything around here.

Something go wrong at the hospital?

No, the injection was fine.

Me and Nick, we put on a front for the consultant.

It's just when we came home and started talking again...

Why don't we take a seat?

Sorry you have to see all this, Dr Granger. It's just...

I caught Nick showing Gemma a brochure, for a care home.

I didn't know you were considering that.

I'm not. Gemma's place is here, with us.

I can't imagine this house without her. How empty it would be.

Nick know how you feel?

Told him, again and again, but he just keeps badgering.

I'm so tired of it.

Would you like me to have a word?

You'd do that?

Of course. I mean, I won't take sides,

but I can certainly remind him that the treatments take time to work.

When Scrooge awoke, it was so dark and he was endeavouring to

pierce the darkness when the chimes of the neighbouring church struck.

Bell rings. And...go.

One o'clock?

It isn't possible that I have slept through a whole day

and far into another night.

Are you the spirit, whose coming was foretold to me?

-BOOMING VOICE:

-I am.

OK, can I stop you there, Valerie?

That's very interesting.

I was going for Cate Blanchett in Lord Of The Rings.

Were you? Right, good. Interesting. A little bit, erm...

A bit elvish.

I was thinking grandiose. Remember - you're his charming,

charming spirit guide, taking him on a voyage of discovery.

Mm. Charming. Yep, yep.

Got it.

Right, let's do it again. Al, your last line.

One o'clock?

It isn't possible that I have slept through a whole day

and far into another night.

Are you the spirit whose coming was foretold to me?

-IRISH ACCENT:

-That I am, lad!

I am the Ghost of Christmas Past, your past, so get yourself up

out of your bed and come along with me. 'Twill be a great craic!

Can I join you?

As long as you don't lecture me.

On duty, I suppose.

Sometimes a beer's all that gets me through.

Gemma turned 45 this year.

That evening, me and Carol got talking.

We're not getting any younger.

None of us are.

Yeah, but are other men my age spoon-feeding their kids?

Mopping up faeces?

Turning them in bed so they don't get bedsores?

We can always talk to the care team.

I love my daughter. I want to look after her.

Yeah, but you seem to be struggling.

Is there any harm in asking for more support?

It's not about support. It's about age.

I'm getting older, my wife's tired.

We can't keep this up forever, no matter how much help we get.

Which is why you're thinking of residential care.

My aunt died, left me some money.

Not a lot, but it's given us options.

We decided to throw every penny at Gemma.

Pay for Botox, physio,

hiring the expertise that wasn't around when she was a kid.

And if that doesn't work, then you'll put her into a home?

Yeah. But the closer that day gets, the more Carol stalls.

Is it any surprise? Gemma's been her whole life.

Mine too.

But I really wanted to try an accent.

I thought it might help with my character,

and Zara and Sid are doing cockney.

Barely.

I thought it might also help define me as a spirit from the beyond.

Oh, go on, let her try another one.

OK. Keep it simple, Valerie.

Are you the spirit, whose coming was foretold to me?

-FRENCH ACCENT:

-Oui, I am ze Ghost of Noel Passe. Votre Passe.

Lose the French.

Who and what are you?

-SOUTHERN US ACCENT:

-I am the Ghost of Christmas Past. Your past.

I have some things to show y'all.

It's not really working, is it?

Do you think you could stick to accents from the British Isles?

What is your business?

Your welfare. Now rise, and walk with me!

Is that "pirate"?

Let's pause there, shall we?

I mean, this is very valid, in rehearsals,

but do you think, Valerie, you could try it with your own accent?

Really? Isn't that just a bit obvious? And my mum always said that

I sounded like a shop girl with a bunged-up nose.

You have a lovely voice. It's very clear.

Proper enunciation - one of the reasons I chose you for the part.

Oh, Heston!

So, do you think you could do it with your beautiful voice?

Well, if it was my dulcet tones that got me the part, then OK.

Right, Al, can you go from, "Are you..."?

Are you the spirit, whose coming was foretold to me?

-I am.

-Who and what are you?

I am the Ghost of Christmas Past. Your past.

And what is your business?

Your welfare. Now rise, and walk with me.

The dreaded blood pressure test. I'll pump up the cuff.

Any discomfort shouldn't last more than a few seconds, OK?

Here you are, love.

-Thanks.

-PHONE RINGS

Hello?

Yes, this is Nick Parnell.

Can't we put off the decision,

just by a week or...?

Yes, I do realise that.

Can I call you back? Thanks.

That was Hopeview House.

A room has come up, but they need a decision today.

No. It's too soon.

How about we make a deal?

You come and see this place, and in return,

I'll stop banging on about care homes.

I'll even throw away the brochure.

Everything OK?

Yeah. A place has come up in Hopeview House.

But we won't be taking it.

We can't visit, anyway, today. Tracy's gone.

I can always hang on a bit longer if you want to go and have a look.

Mrs Tembe, would you like to join Al on stage?

Can I ask a question first, please?

Of course.

I have been reading the original Dickens,

and it always talks about Christmas Present as "it".

"It was clothed", "its feet", "its brown curls."

Am I male or female?

I very much see the three spirits as women.

Yes, but they don't have to be, though, do they?

No, casting is much more fluid these days.

Our actresses could play men.

I think it would be ridiculous seeing Mrs Tembe as a man.

I'm not really sure what that means.

You won't know unless you give it go.

Exactly. Why don't you let her read it in both genders,

and then you can see which works best with the text?

Mrs Tembe in drag might be quite funny.

I am happy to try, Dr Carter.

Miss Pitman experimented with lots of different accents,

and it led to a very good reading in the end.

All right, let's try it.

Emma, cue.

There sat a jolly giant, glorious to see.

DEEP VOICE: I am the Ghost of Christmas Present. Look upon me.

You have never seen the like of me before.

You can say that again.

Dr Carter, I was thinking,

perhaps if I had a long beard and maybe some big boots...

Now, Letherbridge would pay top dollar to see that.

Thank you, Dr Haskey.

Mrs Tembe, thank you very much for a very interesting idea,

but I really think that Christmas Present should be a woman.

Bounty, generosity, fecundity -

all very female traits, wouldn't you agree?

Those plants are really nice.

-And?

-This is a care home.

I don't want the staff spending their time picking out plants.

I want them to care.

This place is ranked outstanding.

Why don't you give the staff a chance?

-Hello, welcome to Hopeview.

-Hi, I'm Nick Parnell.

-Carol.

-Hello.

Hark! The time is drawing near.

Forgive me, but I see something strange protruding from your skirts.

Aye, look here.

Dr Vere, are you there?

Sorry, it's just it's a bit difficult to do this without being,

erm...

indelicate.

Oh, no, I trust you, Dr Vere.

Besides, I have made certain provisions in that area.

Oh, good grief!

Sorry, Heston, what exactly am I supposed to be doing here?

You are manifestations of Want and Need,

clutching at Present's robe in despair.

Would a robe help?

-Oh, yeah, I think so.

-Good thinking, Lena.

So, Sid, we only need to see your hands,

and when Mrs Tembe raises the robe, that's your cue to start clutching.

But just to be clear - I'm not clutching her actual legs?

No. Er, Dr Carter?

You clutch at the robe, OK? Shall we try that?

Forgive me, but I see something strange protruding from your skirts.

Aye, look here.

Sorry, what's happening?

Dr Vere, are you all right?

I'm sorry, it's just I can't quite reach.

The lad's at full stretch back here.

Well, it's no use if we can't see anything.

Come on, Dr Vere, please.

Sorry, but it is a bit dark down here.

That's what she said.

Thank you, Dr Haskey!

OK, let's try it again, OK? Al, cue.

Forgive me, but I see something strange protruding from your skirts.

Aye, look here.

How's that?

I love rehearsals. Can't we just do this all the time?

OK, so just like in the hospital, I'm going to check your range

of movement by very gently turning your fingers.

-PHONE RINGS

-Sorry, just check...

Got to take this. One second.

Hi, I stayed on with Gemma. Can I call you back?

I just want to let you know that I have found a Tiny Tim outfit.

Would you believe that there is a children's tailor in London

that make Victorian suits?

-They're adorable.

-How much?

We will cherish the photographs for years.

-Zara, how much?

-I'll show you the website tonight,

and then you can fall in love all by yourself before the bill arrives.

Gemma, was that...?

Was that a spasm, or did you move your thumb on purpose?

OK, I'm going to ask you a question.

Tap twice if your name is Gemma.

I am in the presence of the Ghost of Christmas Yet to...

RUHMA BREATHES LOUDLY

Seriously?

It's not really working, is it?

No, it's not really working.

It's like we'd suddenly been transported to Tatooine

and a Jawa has entered.

-(What's that?)

-Star Trek.

Star Wars, if you please.

I can just about put up with the lady of 1,000 voices

and the Jolly Green Giant, but I'm going to draw the line at Scrooge

going for a midnight walk with a member of the Lollipop League.

-No offence.

-We didn't really think this through, did we?

Maybe we could fly her?

-What?

-How, exactly?

Do we have a fly tower?

You are joking.

-Well, look at her!

-I am standing right here.

Trampoline? Bungee cord? Box?

How about Sid and Jimmi put her on their shoulders?

Right, that's not going to happen.

Oh, for goodness' sake!

The Greeks could make gods descend from Mount Olympus,

Shakespeare could make Ariel fly to the heavens,

there must be something - something - we can do

to give this poor woman a bit of height.

Poor?

I've got it - stilts. Let's buy some stilts.

-Emma?

-What?

-You're the producer. Produce an idea.

-Nice!

Oh, I get it.

So I get lumbered with having to produce a miracle

because you didn't think this through properly?

I am writing and directing and starring in this piece.

Surely I can't be expected to solve every problem?!

Well, with an ego so big,

maybe Ruhma can float in on it!

OK, I'm going to take Emma for a quick loo break,

and we'll have a bit of a brainstorm.

Good idea.

I bet you ten quid they break your neck.

Make it 20.

I can't remember the last time I sat and watched the clouds.

I remember when we lay on a beach and looked for shapes in them.

When was that?

Our honeymoon.

You looked so relaxed.

Young, is what I looked.

I'm not talking about your age.

I can't remember the last time you didn't have this knot

between your eyebrows, this crosshatch.

If you're aiming at flattery...

I'm aiming at care.

Gemma's my daughter, but you're my wife.

I have to look after both of you.

You DO look after me.

Really? When was the last time you took a holiday?

I don't care about holidays.

Or pampered yourself? Slept the whole night?

Gemma's more important than any of that. Looking after her.

You can still do that here. You'll be visiting every day.

I'll be popping in each evening, every weekend.

When I'm retired, I'll come weekdays too.

Why can't we move her next year?

The year after? What's the rush?

We're getting older, love.

Can't we enjoy life before there's none of it left?

OK, we'll reserve the room.

PHONE RINGS

It's Dr Granger.

Hello?

Heston, could I have a word?

Can this wait till after rehearsal?

It's about the play. You know Adam, the lad that I'm fostering?

-He's a really talented performer...

-I'm afraid it's too late to recast.

No, no, I was wondering, could you slot him in?

Cos it wouldn't take much rehearsal, cos he can already sing

and dance, he's got his own YouTube channel.

He's got 600 followers. I could show you a video...

YELPING AND LAUGHTER

This is really not a good time.

OK, just one.

I wouldn't ask, but he's away from home

and everybody else is doing family Christmas-y stuff.

OK, just one video.

-No, I... Well, you can't...

-You can't do that.

How does this work?

Take a seat. She seems to find it easier if you support her wrist.

Like this?

Yeah, and then ask her a question.

She'll tap once for no, twice for yes.

Do you understand me?

-Nothing's happening.

-It's OK. Gemma, take your time.

Oh, yes!

You stay with Gemma.

Yes, a lovely tone in that last video. Almost vibrato.

Who's that?

Adam.

-The boy you're fostering?

-Yeah.

-Will he be helping backstage?

Oh, no, he's more of a performer.

There's only one part for a boy in this production.

Tiny Tim.

Is Tiny Tim up for grabs?

You know very well it isn't.

Well, he's maybe a bit old for Tiny Tim, he's 15.

But it would be an absolute waste not to use him.

He's got the most incredible singing voice.

Heston, this is the costume that I've sourced for Joe.

It's already on order.

Thanks.

I should have known Gemma understood me.

How? I've been a GP for years,

and I had no idea she had such a high level of cognitive function.

You're not an expert.

I'm her mother.

I just wish I could have done more.

Perhaps you should be easier on yourself.

PHONE RINGS

Excuse me.

Er, look, this is the consultant.

Do you want to give me a minute, and I'll fill him in?

Hi. Yeah.

I've been asking Gemma what she likes.

Bananas and smoothies.

I hardly ever make smoothies.

Well, you can now.

Here, why don't you take her hand?

Oh, darling, I'm sorry I ran out. This is all so strange.

All these years I've looked at you, wondering what you were thinking.

You don't have to wonder any more. Ask a question.

Do you resent me?

Choose an easy one, why don't you?

It's all I can think of.

Are you angry I treated you like a child?

No. Nick, she said no.

There's something else.

When I was asking her what she likes, we got on to colours.

Gemma doesn't like pink.

We'll redecorate.

From now on, I promise you'll have anything you want.

That's what I said.

Then I asked her if she liked this room, just to check,

and she said no. So then I asked her if she liked this house. Again, no.

So, finally, I asked her if she wanted to live somewhere else.

And Gemma said yes.

Hopeview House?

I've already explained she can't go.

We need you here. We want to get to know you.

You do understand that?

No.

You're bored? You want a change?

Yes.

Nick, we did promise to give her anything she wanted.

This will always be your real home,

but we'll take you to Hopeview.

If you like it, we'll reserve the room.

Now, in the life you had before you entered the Spirit World,

where were you born? Past?

I was born in a four-poster bed, in a castle, to a raven-haired queen.

Chobe National Park, during the hunters' feast.

Er, St Phil's.

And how did you pass into the Spirit World?

Poisoned by a jealous lover.

Lion attack.

Knocked over by the 42 bus.

Hold on to your hats, luvvies.

I think we're about ready to show you what we've got.

There you are.

You are not going to believe this.

Gobby Hollins is only trying to take away Joe's part!

She was showing videos of her foster son to Heston, behind my back.

The boy's 15 if he's a day. He's nearly as tall as Sid.

I've just got back from the Parnells'.

Oh, no.

Did something go wrong with the injection?

No, completely the opposite. The treatment worked.

Gemma has the use of her thumb.

That's wonderful.

Yeah. You know, it's at times like these I realise how lucky we are.

We have our health. We don't need anything else.

AS COCKNEY: God bless us, every one!

That still needs work.

This is it, darling. Do you like it?

She likes it.

There are other homes. You don't have to choose this one.

But this one has a pool.

You do like water?

Nick, it's what she wants.

OK.

Two taps for yes -

would you like us to reserve this room?

Welcome to your future home.

The entrance of Christmas Yet to Come.

And lifting up his eyes, Scrooge beheld a solemn Phantom,

draped and hooded, coming towards him.

This mysterious figure filled him with solemn dread...

RHUMA WAILS EERILY

-..but did NOT speak.

-Oh, sorry, sorry.

I am in the presence of the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come?

Well done, Ruhma. What have you got under there?

The wheels need a bit of work, but it does the trick, don't you think?

It's marvellous.

I think it's ingenious.

Can you see it on the trolley?

Right, let's use this momentum, and push on with the scene.

You are about to show me shadows of things that have not happened,

but will happen in the time before us. Is that so?

I fear you more than any spectre I have seen,

but as I know your purpose is to do me good,

and as I hope to live to be another man from what I was,

I am prepared to bear your company and do it with a thankful heart.

Lead on, then, spirit, lead on!

And point upstage.

Upstage.

RUHMA SHRIEKS

It'll be OK, darling. Everything's going to be OK.

I can't think straight. What am I going to do?

Come on. Come on.

Just nipping to the gents'.

With all Dr Haskey's complaints, I forgot about decorating here.

I'll do it.

-BOTH:

-Large gin.