Big Penfold Danger Mouse

Chief!

# He's the greatest, he's fantastic

# Wherever there is danger He'll be there

# He's the ace, he's amazing

# He's the strongest He's the quickest, he's the best

# Danger Mouse

# Danger Mouse

# Danger Mouse! #

'Three hours to go before a colossal meteor destroys the Earth.'

'In a last-ditch attempt to save civilisation,

'the world's most brilliant minds are meeting in Shanghai.'

'The world's greatest secret agent, Danger Mouse will be there, too.'

'As soon as his assistant, Penfold, has finished his washing.'

Er, can you slow down so I can put the washing powder in, Chief?

Penfold, we have three hours to save the world.

We're already late because we stopped to buy fabric softener.

It might be doomsday, but it's still wash day.

Aargh!

Pass those socks, will you, Chief?

Aargh!

Chief!

Catching isn't your strong suit, is it, Penfold?

We need to work on your reflexes.

-I have the reflexes of a cat, Chief.

-Hmm. That cat, maybe.

Cor!

My fellow geniuses, and Isambard King Kong Brunel,

the asteroid will strike in two and three-quarter hours.

There is no telling what will be left after the collision.

-Aaargh!

-THEY GASP

Oops! Still, it's not the end of the world.

THEY GASP

Uh-uh.

THEY ALL SCREAM

Oh, crumbs! I think I've shrunk my trousers in the hot wash, Chief.

The first scientist to present their plan to stop the asteroid is...

Isambard King Kong Brunel.

Hey!

To deal with this giant asteroid,

I have constructed the biggest carwash the universe has ever seen.

THEY GASP

-THEY GASP

-But we want to stop the asteroid.

Oh, it doesn't do THAT

but it will make it spotlessly clean for when it destroys the Earth.

Well, that was a massive waste of time we don't have. Next.

No, wait. I've got another idea.

Behold, my asteroid...rudder.

-So we can steer the asteroid safely around the earth?

-No.

It's nowhere near that strong,

but we can aim it at a bit no-one one likes

so that gets destroyed first.

THEY ALL GROAN

I vote Willesden Green Swimming Pool.

-Please leave the stage.

-I've got one more.

-THEY ALL BOO

-Get off!

-Go away!

I present the MOLD! The Massive Object Location Device.

It can pinpoint the asteroid's exact location.

We know where it is,

it's ten minutes closer than when you started talking. Next!

Ouch! Let go!

Your go, Professor Squawkencluck.

Thank you. May I present my shrinkertiser?

Rubbish! Ouch! That stings.

If fired close enough, one direct hit will shrink the asteroid

from planet-splatting size to a mere otter squasher.

-Eh?

-Oh! Nothing personal, Professor Ottersbottom.

That's just a technical term.

Brilliant! All in favour of using the shrinkertiser, raise a tentacle.

Marvellous. Make sure the device is set properly.

If put in reverse, it actually makes things bigger.

Did she say it makes things bigger?

-Ouch!

-So, who will take the fate of the planet into their hands?

Well, I'm not up to much in the next two hours and 20 minutes.

-All in favour of Danger Mouse?

-Thank you. You are too kind.

You'll need to be within 100m of the asteroid to shrink it,

so don't fire it too early.

Don't worry, Squawky, your device is in safe hands. Isn't it, Penfold?

Argh! It works, everybody.

-Ouch!

-Penfold, after we've saved the world,

you might practice your catching.

Danger Mouse, be careful. The device takes half an hour to recharge

before it can be fired again.

Hmm!

'I must have that great ray.'

-After him.

-Arrgh!

-You drive, I've just got to drop in on an old friend.

-'Eck!

Penfold, I need you to catch the device with the car's extender arm.

No pressure, but if you fail, the world is doomed.

Oh, crumbs!

Argh!

I definitely would have caught that, Chief,

-if it wasn't for these trousers.

-Lucky for you,

Shanghai is currently the scatter cushion capital of the world.

Only 1 hour 40 until impact.

-MACHINE BEEPS

-Ooh! It's just recharged, Chief.

Please let me have a go. I just want to be a bit taller.

The device is for shrinking the asteroid,

not for stretching insecure chimpanzees.

It can recharge three times before the world ends, what's your hurry?

-I wonder if it can make my trousers bigger again?

-Fine.

-Let's all have a go, shall we?

-Well, if you say so, Chief.

-What have you done, Penfold?

-It didn't work.

Me trousers are still too tight.

Never mind your trousers, Penfold, you're crushing Shanghai.

Oh, 'eck!

Calm down, Penfold. I'm coming.

The size changer, it's... CAR TYRES SCREECH

Oh, dear! Sorry! Excuse me!

-Stop moving, Penfold.

-I can't help it.

-All this panic is making me panic.

-You've got to wade into the sea.

I can't save you and the world at the same time.

Ooh!

-The asteroid looks much closer from up here.

-It is much closer!

-It's now an hour and a half until impact.

-I know what we need.

A lucky cat.

No!

I'm a monster! Oh-oh!

-The poor cat.

-Don't worry, Penfold.

-You can't do any harm in the sea.

-You never did nothing to me!

Ah. Right! The device will be recharged in ten minutes.

Wait one of those minutes, where is it?

Isambard, any ideas where Penfold dropped the device?

Into the cuff of his trouser leg.

-HE GASPS

-Penfold!

If only we had some way of locating a massive object.

Ooh! How about a Massive Object Location Device?

A-ha! Oh! Wrong massive object.

Ah! No. My mistake.

A-ha! He's in New York harbour, dressed in a toga.

That's the Statue of Liberty.

There he is. 18th time lucky.

But we've only half an hour to save the world.

Penfold, we need the size changer. It's in your trouser cuff.

Oh, 'eck ! my friends are trying to stretch my trousers so they fit me.

-Your friends?

-Yeah! I met them while I was wading through the sea.

They invited me

to this sanctuary for the results of terrible experiments.

May I introduce Tyrannotourbus rex?

Beep-beep!

-Pleased to meet you.

-And this is Frankenstein's rooster.

WHIRRING

Charmed. Who on earth would create a chicken with a whisk for a head?

-A chicken who can wake you up AND make an omelette. It was genius!

-You?

Ah! Yes. Hello again.

-WHIRRING

-Beep-beep!

-Argh!

Penfold, we've only got 20 minutes. Where are your trousers?

Ah! Anagondola's trying to stretch them for me.

Good grief!

'Ere, who threw that?

OK, we have no way of stopping the asteroid.

It's not too late to wash it!

It doesn't look so big now.

That's it!

Penfold, you're big enough to catch the asteroid.

What? But I can't catch, Chief. Especially when I'm nervous.

You can do it, Penfold. No-one's watching.

I'll give it a nudge in the right direction

Hold still, Penfold.

Left a bit. Right a bit.

Geronimo!

I did it, Chief!

Ah! Ooh! Hot! Hot! Ooh!

I caught it. I actually caught it!

Well done, Penfold.

Never doubted you for a minute.

Abort nuclear-missile strike. Abort nuclear strike.

At last!

Beep-beep!

-Ooh!

-I've got to hand it to you, Danger Mouse. You did it.

Credit where it's due, Professor. Brunel's inventions did help, too.

And who would have thought his intergalactic carwash

would come in useful?

A quick ultra-hot wash in that should shrink him down to size.

'Thus, we prove what comes down sometimes goes back up.'

'Size isn't everything.'

'And I'm not the only one who hates Willesden Green Swimming Pool.'

'Honestly, the first time I went there, I got a verruca.'

'It doesn't even have a flume.'

-# He's the greatest!

-He's fantastic!

# Wherever there is danger He'll be there

# Danger Mouse

# Danger Mouse

# Danger Mouse! #