The Unusual Suspects Danger Mouse


The Unusual Suspects

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Chief!

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# He's the greatest

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# He's fantastic

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# Wherever there is danger he'll be there

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# He's the ace

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-# He's amazing

-Amazing

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# He's the strongest He's the quickest, he's the best

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# Danger Mouse

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# Danger Mouse

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# Danger Mouse! #

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Bangkok,

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Mumbai,

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Acapulco

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are just some of the takeaway restaurants

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to be found in Willesden Green.

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-EYE PATCH RINGS

-'Danger Mouse, what's your status?'

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Professor, I'm torn between Chinese and Indian,

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although there's always Big Mike's Pie Stall.

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'You're supposed to be collecting a very important

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-'consignment of Formula X for me!'

-Keep your feathers on, Professor.

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Penfold is preparing it for transportation as we speak.

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How's the bubble wrapping going, Penfold?

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-Can I stop now?

-Load her up, Penfold.

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'Remember, Formula X is a powerful weapon and must not

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'fall into the wrong hands.'

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POPPING, SHE GASPS

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-'What are you doing?!'

-It's hard to stop, isn't it?

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-I could literally do this all day.

-'Danger Mouse!'

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And so our heroes rush to HQ with a weapon so powerful that a villain

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would do anything to get their hands on it, and I mean anything,

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awful stuff, like taking superheated nuclear lasers and...

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Yes, thank you, we've got the message.

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Ah, morning, DM. Oh, picked up a hitchhiker, have you?

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Hitchhiker? No, Colonel, that's Penfold, my assistant?

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-You've met him several hundred times.

-Well, be careful.

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-This mission is vital. Don't trust anyone.

-Hmph.

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I'll send you a random route to HQ so you don't get ambushed by... ACHOO!

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Achoo? Achoo what? A choo-choo? Oh, no!

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Relax, Penfold, the Colonel's random route is coming through...now.

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Ooh, 'eck!

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Crikey! Oh, carrots!

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-CLANGING

-Ooh!

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Ooh, lovely.

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No-one could possibly guess our route and ambush us.

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Aah!

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-Mwah-ha-ha-ha!

-Baron Greenback!

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How did he know where to find us?

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Don't fret, Penfold, he doesn't know that we have Formula X.

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Deploy bubble wrap-popping spider-bots to capture Formula X.

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HE GASPS

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Launching jam jars.

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Urgggh!

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I'll be seeing you sooner than you think, Danger Mouse.

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At least the Formula X is safe.

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It still doesn't explain how the Baron knew where to find us.

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It doesn't, DM.

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Not unless someone on the inside

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has been feeding the Baron secret information.

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I regret to announce that the agency has...

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ACHOO!

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The agency has a cold, Colonel?

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No, the agency has a mole!

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THEY GASP

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Oh, here we go.

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Not that kind of mole.

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ACHOO!

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I mean Baron Greenback has a spy inside the agency.

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ALL: Oh, yeah, that makes more sense. POPPING

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How DO they get the air inside?

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-What?

-I'm ordering an immediate lockdown.

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You probably should have turned the lights on first, sir.

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-Sorry.

-Oh!

-Oh! Ow!

-Oh, bother.

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SQUEAKING

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-ACHOO!

-Gesundheit, Colonel.

-This is no time to talk in riddles, DM.

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You have a traitor to catch.

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I just can't believe any of us would be working for the Baron.

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That's why I'm entrusting you with Formula X

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and putting you in charge of finding the snake in our grass.

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HISSING

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It's just an expression, Danger Snake.

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Someone is betraying the agency, DM,

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and they're doing it right under our...nose...

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ACHOO!

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You know, Penfold, these agents are more than just colleagues to me,

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-they're family.

-That's funny.

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I'd never met half of them till the last scene.

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I refuse to believe any of them could be working for Greenback.

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There's no traitor in this agency and I'm going to prove it.

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Psst. I've hidden Formula X in the basement.

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A word in your ear, Formula X is in the Danger Car.

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Formula X is in the training room.

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Ah, DM, what progress?

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I've told every agent a different location for Formula X.

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If there's a traitor, which there isn't,

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-we'll see them make their move.

-Gosh, that's clever.

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-So, where is Formula X?

-Safe and sound right here.

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Good show, DM. Let me know what happens, hm?

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You see, Penfold - nothing.

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There's no traitor in our agency. We're completely 100% secure,

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watertight, impenetrable.

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Can you smell burning?

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Look out!

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-Don't let them get up your trousers!

-Deploying danger clips.

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-Have they gone?

-Penfold, hold very still.

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Hey!

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Oh!

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-You're welcome, Penfold.

-What are you doing, Chief?

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There's only one person who knew I had Formula X on me,

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-one person who must be the traitor.

-You don't mean...

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Colonel K, you're under arrest.

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THEY GASP

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'Even I didn't see that coming and I've read the script!'

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The colonel is the only one who knew my real plan,

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so he must be the Baron's spy.

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Preposterous!

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Take him away.

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No, wait, stop.

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No, take him away.

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No, wait... No, take him away! No, stop.

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No! Take him away! No...

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Something tells me you're in two minds about this, Chief.

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I can't do it, Penfold. There must be something else going on.

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Colonel, look me in the eye and tell me you're not the traitor.

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I'm not the...

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ACHOO!

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-Hm.

-The agency has a mole, we have a traitor to catch.

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Someone is betraying the agency right under our nose... ACHOO!

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ACHOO! ..right under our nose.

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Good grief. That's it!

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The Baron does have a spy and he is right under your nose.

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Oh! Ow!

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-Aaaah!

-Aaaaaah!

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'What's happening?!

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'Cut to an ad break or something! I can't un-see that!'

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Allow me to reveal the traitor.

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Nero, the baron's notorious pet!

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-BOTH:

-Uh-oh.

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Hee-hee-hee!

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-He's got Formula X!

-After him!

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You just don't have the same authority without the moustache.

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Catch that caterpillar!

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HE WHIMPERS

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Easy, Nero, nobody wants to hurt you.

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There he is! Get him!

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You hold him, I'll do the damage.

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CRACKING

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Um, is that bad, Professor?

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Um...not sure. We don't actually know what Formula X does.

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-What?

-I beg your pardon?

-What?!

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Why do you think we call it Formula X?

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Anyway, it doesn't seem to have had any effect on him.

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SCREAMING AND SHOUTING

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It works!

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Which is obviously a disaster.

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After that caterpillar!

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Never fear, my cohort of danger agents will stop that pumped-up worm

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from escaping with Formula X.

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Nippy little fellow, isn't he?

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Oh, look! Danger Mole is hiding in the air vents. Smart thinking!

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Nero's got him!

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-DEVICE BEEPS

-Nero's doubled back!

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He's coming straight for us! Range eight metres.

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BEEPING GETS FASTER

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Seven, six...

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It can't be. That's inside the room.

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BEEPING BECOMES SINGLE TONE

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LOUD THUD

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NERO GROWLS

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THEY SCREAM

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Aaaaah!

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Get off me, you overgrown slug!

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PENFOLD PANTS

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-NERO GROWLS

-Aaaaah!

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Get away from him, you insect!

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Ooh, 'eck!

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Ah.

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Quick, hold this!

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Ow.

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Told you I'd rescue you.

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POPPING

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THEY GIGGLE

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-Um, Colonel, haven't we forgotten something?

-Huh?

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Over here, sir.

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Look at the state of him!

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He hasn't been waxed or trimmed for days!

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No, don't go!

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The agency needs you. The country needs you!

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I need you!

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Oh, come here! I thought I'd lost you forever! Oh! Mmm...

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-We should probably...

-Yep, job done.

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And so Danger Mouse and Penfold

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returned to work safe in the knowledge that they have

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rid the agency of traitors and there are no villains listening in,

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at least, there are no more bugs.

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What have you got against bugs?

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Danger Bug?! Do me a favour!

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# He's the greatest

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# He's fantastic

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# Wherever there is danger he'll be there

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# Danger Mouse

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# Danger Mouse

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# Danger Mouse! #

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