Attack of the Clowns Danger Mouse


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Attack of the Clowns

Animated series. Danger Mouse's uncontrollable laughter annoys a race of clown aliens so much that they invade Earth!


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Transcript


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# He's the greatest, he's fantastic

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# Wherever there is danger He'll be there

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-# He's the ace

-The ace

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-# He's amazing

-Amazing!

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# He's the strongest he's the quickest

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# He's the best

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# Danger Mouse Danger Mouse

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# Danger Mouse! #

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Since the dawn of time, mankind has

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sought the answer to one question above all others. Are we a lemon?

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A lemon? Alone, are we alone.

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They really should turn off predictive text

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when they write these scripts. A-hem.

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Today, from the depths of outer space, comes the answer.

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-Just think, Penfold, we're going to meet our first-ever aliens.

-Oh, yes.

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Well, apart from Quark, he's an alien. Oh, and the Wapos.

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And the alien fly people. And...

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Yes, but apart from them, a special, special day.

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Ah, DM. First contact with alien life, eh?

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Fourth. At least.

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Penfold? Shush.

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Hail, earthlings. We are the Bozorians.

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Greetings.

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Now, on behalf...

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CIRCUS MUSIC

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A-hem. And on behalf of all earthlings, may I...

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HE LAUGHS

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-Is he laughing at us?

-HE LAUGHS

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No, no, he was saying, "Ha-ha, hello. Welcome to Earth."

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Good, because on our planet,

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laughter is considered extremely rude.

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HE LAUGHS

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-Chief, what are you doing?

-LAUGHING:

-Sorry.

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But ever since I was little, I've found clowns hilarious.

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Ah, Crumples the clown. I wonder what happened to him?

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But these aren't clowns. They just look like clowns.

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Perhaps our advanced technology can help your earthling friend.

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HE LAUGHS

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HORN SOUND

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He is laughing at us! That does it. We're leaving! Pancake, the keys.

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HE LAUGHS

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Well, that's done it, Chief.

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Never mind, we all...we all had a good laugh. And no harm done.

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Citizens of Earth, as you have seen fit to ridicule us,

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we have no choice but to declare war on your planet.

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Well, that's not very funny.

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Bozorians, attack.

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-Oh, crumbs. Flying saucers!

-Nope, they're custard pies.

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And we're back. Brilliant!

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-Should I go for the Danger Jet?

-Don't bother, Penfold.

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A massive spoon ought to do it.

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A disaster, DM.

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The Bozorians are a proud and noble people, and your unprofessional

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sniggering has provoked them into a full-scale invasion!

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It's not my fault they look like clowns.

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Professor? Why are you in here?

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Uh, just doing a bit of cleaning.

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SHE WHISTLES

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All right, it's the clowns, I can't stand them!

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But everyone loves a clown! Look at these.

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CIRCUS MUSIC

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She really doesn't like clowns.

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Sorry, Colonel. From now on,

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I'll take the Bozorian invasion situation 100% seriously.

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Look out! Bozorian troop carriers.

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CIRCUS MUSIC

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HE LAUGHS

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Oh, yes. Squirt me with water. Oh, brilliant.

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No!

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These clowns are no joke, chief.

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Nope, they're not.

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That's marvellous timing, though.

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Calamity! It's an Earth versus clown intergalactic war!

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And while the world seems ready to crack,

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all our hero can do is crack up!

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But after a ten second war montage, cool heads prevail.

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Peace talks agree that once Danger Mouse

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has signed a formal apology, both sides

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will make an intergalactic no laughing pact.

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I shall relay your sincere apology to the Bozorian hive-mind.

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Bozorians, move.

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HORN SOUNDS

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MUFFLED LAUGHTER

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HE LAUGHS LOUDLY

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You've made fun of us for the last time, earthlings.

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HORN SOUND

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Well, that that a lot better than I expected.

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THUD

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Choose your fate, earthlings.

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Rabbit, horse or poodle?

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The fiends! The Earth won't stand being balloon modelled into

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anything more complicated than a giraffe.

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-It'll tear apart.

-Ha-ha!

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I need to think about something so sad, it stops me laughing.

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How about the tale of someone you love,

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being betrayed and exiled from their home forever?

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Behold, the agency's most secret-est secret.

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-Crumples!

-I was once ruler of the Bozorians.

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But my best friend Pom-Pom betrayed me, dyed me black and white,

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and stole the solid gold nose.

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No-one exiles my favourite clown and gets away with it.

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It's time I got serious.

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Hurry, DM. The fiends have modelled the Earth into a poodle.

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It can't take much more of this.

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Let's quit clowning around.

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Ow!

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Ha-ha! Too late, laugh-y, laugh-y earth dweller.

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Soon, your planet...

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HE GIGGLES

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Oh, don't you start, Penfold.

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HORN SOUND

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Oh, crumbs.

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Is this the final punchline for mankind?

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Will Danger Mouse have the last laugh?

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Will any of us ever laugh again?

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Cos personally, I think it it's been going downhill

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ever since the lemon gag.

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The only way to stop them is to defeat their champion,

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Simon the Big, in single combat.

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SMALL HORN SOUND

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No-one makes a monkey out of my planet.

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I challenge Simon the Big to single combat.

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THEY GASP

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Agreed! Tiny Phil, go and get him.

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THUD

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THUD

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THUD

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THUD

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THUD

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-Oh, honestly.

-Fight!

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HORN SOUNDS

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HE ROARS

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Whoa. What are you doing?

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Bozorians don't hit each other when they fight. They fight themselves.

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THUD

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BIRDS TWEETING

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That's absurd.

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Uh, fate of all mankind, etc, chief?

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THUD

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HORN SOUND

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SLOW CIRCUS MUSIC

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Who knew making a fool of yourself was so hard?

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Remember your sixth birthday.

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HE LAUGHS

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CIRCUS MUSIC

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HE LAUGHS

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THEY LAUGH

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Whoa. Stop it! What's wrong with you?

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What are we, savages?

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CIRCUS MUSIC

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HE LAUGHS

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You earthlings have shown us that perhaps

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we do need to work on our sense of humour.

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I thank you Danger Mouse, Colonel, Penfold,

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and Professor Squawkencluck.

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Go away, go away! Don't touch me!

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No, no, no, no, no, no, no...

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THEY LAUGH

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We're laughing at her real and deeply felt fear.

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THEY LAUGH

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Join us next time for more of the big questions.

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Like, if clowns are aliens, what about jugglers? Or magicians?

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And if a clown falls over in a forest and nobody laughs,

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does he still get paid?

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Whatever the question, you can be sure the answer is...Danger Mouse!

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# He's the greatest,

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# He's fantastic

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# Wherever there is danger

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# He'll be there

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# Danger Mouse Danger Mouse

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# Danger Mouse! #

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