Mind Machine M.I. High

And in other news, the government today announced the completion

of the Mind Machine,

an incredible new device for turning bad people good.

It is today being sent to a top secret location for safekeeping.

Flopsy, are you thinking what I'm thinking?

If it can turn bad to good,

it can turn good to bad.

I want that Mind Machine!

The 21st century faces a new kind of threat.

Old-school spies have had their day,

and MI9 must create a new breed of skilled undercover agent...

..hidden in a place no villain will think to look.

Welcome to MI High.

We have a wonderful new supply teacher with us today.

Dr Wallis is joining us from Cambridge University.

Cambridge? Wow!

I've just had a call from Ofsted.

They want to inspect the school.

School inspectors, ha!

-Nothing to worry about.

-Mr Richter will be with us in a few minutes.

-A few minutes?!

-Problem, Mr Flatley?

-Yes.

-We need time to prepare.

-We can't,

it's a...snap inspection, that's the point.

-I never thought this would happen to us.

-What do you expect?

We're inches away from special measures.

Yes. Yes, it's a chance for us all to shine.

I've a feeling it might be.

A science teacher from Cambridge, I can't believe it!

If the inspector closes down the school,

-we can kiss goodbye to all this.

-Are you going soft on us, Oscar?

MI9 will find us another school.

I don't want another school.

If it's a snap inspection,

they obviously wanna close the school down. Where does that leave us three?

OK, agents, never mind about the school inspector,

focus on your mission.

-Agents, meet Dr Wallis.

-The teacher from Cambridge!

Rose Gupta.

I hope to go there myself one day.

-Hi.

-Dr Wallis is a government scientist, here for protection.

The teaching thing's just a cover. Here's why.

This is the Mind Machine.

Dr Wallis, perhaps you could give us a demonstration?

With pleasure.

Behold...the gentle goldfish.

The machine can remove, or implant, the behaviour

patterns of any living thing.

Now, this is something much scarier.

A Japanese fighting fish, cool!

OK, think how much better the world would be if we could take

our violent friend here and give him the mind of a peaceful goldfish.

That's impossible, isn't it?

That's fantastic!

So now, the fighting fish thinks it's a goldfish?

No, no, it only behaves like one.

The government's going to use it on criminals -

-get murderers behaving like lollipop ladies.

-What's it doing here?

We've had reports of a SKUL agent trying to kidnap Dr Wallis.

-Your mission is to guard him, and his machine.

-Why do SKUL want it?

The machine works both ways, it can make bad people good, or...

-Good people bad?

-Only in the wrong hands.

Guys, think about it, if we can change people's behaviour,

-we can end crime forever, stop them fighting wars...

-Just because

we can, doesn't mean we should. We can't mess with people like that.

Dr Wallis, the invention's brilliant.

-I think you deserve the Nobel Peace Prize.

-Oh, I don't know.

Dr Wallis, you'd better get on with your science lesson.

I can show you to the lab.

What's that?

A work in progress. Enormousizer. It's for making things bigger.

Looks like it's worked on our chocolate all right!

Remember, guard Dr Wallis and keep an eye out for that SKUL agent.

Oh, a Van de Graaf Generator!

I haven't seen one of these for a while.

Now, can anyone tell Dr Wallis what this machine does?

Rose.

It generates static electricity.

Excellent. Now, what do you think...

Morning, everyone.

Please don't mind me.

I'm Mr Richter, your school inspector.

Mr...Richter?

An honour.

'Keep an eye out for that SKUL agent... '

This is one inspection I wouldn't have missed, Mr Flatley.

Perhaps you should show the children what happens

when you touch the machine?

Yes, indeed. Ha ha!

Whoa, check that out!

Well done, Mr Flatley. Most inspirational.

Ooh!

Ooh!

He's under a lot of pressure.

Fine...

Everything's going to be fin... Aah!

Fine!

I've been worried about Mr Flatley for a while.

Doesn't seem to have the grip he used to have.

In the circumstances, I could understand

-if you did decide to make some changes.

-Erm, Mrs King?

Would you like me to help show Mr Richter around the school?

No, no, Rose, that won't be necessary.

Yes, that's an excellent idea.

You can tell me all the school's secrets.

Dr Wallis...could I have a word with you in private at some point?

Come on, now, don't be shy.

Science can be fun, you know.

Here, we have the Van de Graaf Generator.

Come on. Look, it's cool.

It's an image thing though, man.

I don't want no machine messin' with my homie's looks.

It powers the rubber belt here, which generates the static electricity

on top. See what happens when you touch it.

Isn't it brilliant, Flopsy?

Our SKUL agent has discovered the secret hiding place

of the Mind Machine, and he's managed to trick his way in.

The Mind Machine will soon be ours.

EVIL LAUGHTER

< Waaah!

Actually, I think it might be quicker this way.

Waaah... Wah!

Oh, Mr Flatley, I didn't see you there!

Rivals...

they can be anywhere.

Rivals? What rivals?

Oooooh...

Richter-son.

You will take tea with us?

-I do have a busy schedule.

-Tea lady, show our guest into my office.

-Tea lady?!

-Waaaah...

Waaaah... Oh!

Oooh! Oooh!

Richter-son, please be seated.

Sit!

Guys, we have a problem.

You've got to see this.

-Let's go, come on, Rose needs us.

-Hang on, aren't we supposed

to be protecting Wallis? ..Static electricity...

We can activate the motion sensors, if anyone approaches

-the science lab, we'll know.

-Nice one!

Oooh!

Tropical fish.

-Very relaxing.

-Oooh!

HE SPEAKS JAPANESE

I think I'd like to continue my tour.

He just asked Richter if he thought it was delicious, in Japanese.

And he's eating fish food, like he thinks he's a fish.

A Japanese fighting fish! What if he got zapped by the Mind Machine?

Oh, sure! Flatley just sneaked through security into HQ.

Maybe the machine zapped him, without him knowing it.

Carrie, trust me, Dr Wallis would not let that happen.

Look, it doesn't matter why he's acting like this,

we need to keep him away from Richter,

-before he shuts the place down.

-Why's Richter so cool?

Something's not right. I'm going to check on Wallis.

Stay here, we have to keep an eye on Richter.

Carrie?

Waaah...

A rival.

A young male.

Wuh... Waaah!

I'll keep an eye on Flatley.

-Would you give me five minutes to myself?

-Of course.

Waaah...

I'm conducting a methodical sweep of all their facilities.

Nothing of interest will escape my attention...

No, I assure you, no-one recognises me.

Waaah...

Waaah... Wuh!

-Waaah...

-BLEEPING

Richter's reporting to someone he doesn't want us to know about.

I think he's talking to the Grandmaster.

He could be the SKUL agent.

Received, Rose.

Oh, no! I've lost Flatley.

MOBILE RINGS

I've just heard from Rose, Richter's the SKUL agent!

Richter!

Rose, the kids' names

are flashing on the Mind Machine. How's this happened?

I'm going to try and reverse the effects.

PC: Get your mitts off!

-PC: I said, get your mitts off!

-Rose, it's no use!

-Uh!

Ha!

Ooh!

Yo!

I don't know what's got into them! It must be the Mind Machine.

Somebody must have breached security at HQ.

Is there any way the machine can affect people

without them touching it? HQ now!

-I'll keep them busy.

-Protect me!

Get out of here, will you?

No!

-No, he... He... He...

-Help?

I think it's a little late for that,

wouldn't you say, everyone?

Welcome to my army of little helpers.

Carrie?

Carrie, come in.

< Waaah!

Don't make me fight you.

I am going to count to three.

One. Two.

Three. Waaaaa!

Frank, it's OK, I've found Flatley.

Uh-oh, and he looks angry.

-'I'm on my way.'

-Bonzai!

The five-finger freeze, it worked!

I told you it would.

-We need to find Carrie.

-Let's split up.

Get out of here, man! Run!

Run? Why?

OK, that's why.

Something's happened to Carrie. She's not answering.

Frank, if Carrie's gone missing, who's looking after Dr Wallis?

Ah, a fish finger.

Thank you, Agent Mackerel.

GRUNTING

Who are you?

Wallis. Dr Wallis.

Wallis!

I'm supposed to be teaching here.

Some brute jumped on me and stuck me in here, quite literally.

My classroom inspection is complete.

Excellent. Perhaps you'd like a proper cup of tea before you go.

The non-academic facilities -

I need to examine them.

-Oscar?

-Rose, you'll never believe this.

Wallis isn't Wallis. He's the SKUL agent.

The real Wallis was locked in the stationery cupboard.

Report to HQ immediately.

Rose? Rose? It's not Richter.

Received.

On my way.

Cheerio, Agent Mackerel.

You're going to make someone a lovely fishwife.

It's just along here.

Hi, I'm Rose.

Carrie!

The mind machine, it's gone!

Wallis. He must have done something to Carrie

and used her to get through security.

-She thinks she's a fighting fish.

-Oscar, don't take it personally.

He messed with Carrie's mind. That's personal.

You need to keep a clear head.

Wait.

The enormaciser.

I thought it was a work in progress.

Flatley's net. Good idea.

I was sure it was Richter.

That handheld computer thing.

I thought he was controlling the mind machine remotely.

Not him. Wallis. He must have plugged into the mind machine.

Does the mind machine have a wireless connection?

Just as a back-up.

It's never been tested. Where were the children

-when they were affected?

-The Van de Graaff generator.

They all touched it, even Flatley. The SKUL agent must have hacked

into the network and linked the two machines.

Get up there and check it out.

Hang on. If Richter's not the SKUL agent, that means

he really is the Ofsted inspector.

So any minute now, he's going to bump into a bunch of kids

-who think they're Japanese fighting fish.

-And close down the school.

Look on the bright side, at least Flatley's out of the way.

Wooo!

Whah!

Wooo!

Vengeance!

Wooo! Honourable adversary.

By great piranha,

say your prayers!

Frank, there's a wireless connection, but it's not reversible.

-We need the mind machine.

-Grandmaster, the device is ours.

And I've discovered the secret loc...

It's not fair! It's not fair!

You're not going anywhere.

Frank, SKUL agent neutralised. I've got the mind machine.

Mr Flatley has had a problem maintaining discipline recently.

Perhaps it is time to think about closure.

Closure's one option,

but surely a new head teacher could make a difference.

Good head teachers aren't easy to find.

The school's been here so long.

It would be a tragedy.

Obviously, I hate to push myself forward...

Yes, it would be a shame.

I suppose you do know the school.

I think I'd like to see the gymnasium before I make a decision.

-Good work, Oscar.

-Not quite.

He dropped the mind machine. I think it's broken.

Just have to fix it then, won't we?

No, no, it's mine!

No. No way.

The kids. Flatley. Richter.

They're all heading for the gym!

Rose, how are we doing?

The wireless function's destabilised.

If we override, could we get a temporary boost on the resonance?

It's never been tested. I don't even know if it works.

Time we found out then.

Fry of impudence!

Rose, come on.

We need that wi-fi connection.

OK. Here we go.

The gymnasium's been rather under-used of late.

< Woooo!

Mr Flatley?

Mr Richter.

I, erm...

Just a little Tai Chi.

Right, well, that's...

Excellent.

Boys and girls, I'm sorry to interrupt your exercise.

I'm afraid I have a personal reason for wanting to inspect your school.

I was a pupil at St Hope's myself, 1967 to 1976.

My colleagues wanted to close your school.

Our school. They didn't want me to inspect it.

They thought someone would recognise me

and exploit my sentimental nature. I admit I was beginning to think

they were right about closing the school.

Until...

I saw Mr Flatley here.

Working through his lunchtime

despite all the pressure that he's been under.

You don't know how lucky you are to have him.

Pity all the staff don't have the same attitude to teamwork.

Well, that all seemed to go very smoothly.

Well done, children. Carry on.

-St Hope's is safe.

-Come on, we had it under control.

I just...

Well, I like it here. A lot.

Cambridge scientist? I can't believe I didn't realise.

What are you doing?

The technology is too dangerous.

You can't!

Your classmates were almost permanently fishified

because of this machine. If that impostor had succeeded...

-But he didn't!

-Only just.

At least you didn't let yourself get zapped by a SKUL agent.

At least you were with the right guy. I thought it was Richter.

By the way, there's one thing I don't quite understand.

-Why have we turned him into a goldfish?

-He's a SKUL agent.

Can't have him remembering where to find us, can we?

Goldfish, three-second memory span.

It's the most ingenious device I've ever seen.

-They're hiding it in their secret headquarters.

-Yes, where?

It's the most ingenious device I've ever seen.

Then tell me where it is!

Hello. I don't think we've met.

Oh, give me strength!