Dark Star M.I. High

Howdy, partner.

And I'll see you soon, old friend.

The 21st century faces a new kind of threat.

Old-school spies have had their day and MI9 must create

a new breed of skilled undercover agent...

..hidden in a place no villain will think to look.

Welcome to MI High.

-The lab should be down here.

-Are you sure this time?

No, but I'm open to suggestions,

-cos that worked out well before.

-OK, chill, Mr Grumpy.

-Yes?

-It is a bad year for pomegranates.

Yet the kumquats have ripened early.

And smell of my stinky socks.

I was about to send out a search party.

-We're here to collect a package.

-I'll get it. Don't wander off.

Don't want you getting lost again, ha-ha!

That was so humiliating. What's the point of spy training

if all they want us to do is run stupid errands?

When are we going to get our hands on another proper villain?

ALARM SOUNDS

-Who's your amigo, Butch?

-His name's Mad Dog.

-Woof!

He's not really a dog.

What's the plan then, boss? Eh? Bank job? Jewellery heist?

First thing's first, have you found him yet?

The photo.

HE WHIMPERS LIKE A DOG

He'd fallen off the radar.

Took us a while to find him.

Ah, Mrs King, may I have a word?

-Headmaster.

-You know that report I've been working on?

The Departmental Memorandum of Standards and Procedures?

Yes, yes, that's the one. It's just that I haven't quite finished it

and I'm going away for half term, so I was wondering

if you wouldn't mind...

-Of course, Headmaster.

-That's awfully good of you.

You haven't even started...!

BELL RINGS

So, Os, got anything planned for half term?

-No.

-We could hang out if you like?

-Oh, well...

-Mrs King.

-Avril, what can I do for you?

Would it be OK if I come in during half term?

-HIS PEN BUZZES

-I've got a project I want to finish.

Of course, we must encourage this kind of initiative.

Thanks, I'll nip home and get some stuff.

Too bad more of you don't show Avril's commitment.

-What's up?

-Nothing.

I just wanted the package you picked up for me.

It was taken off a SKUL agent. Interesting contraption.

HQ want me to cast my beady eye over it.

Not much to look at.

Maybe not, but in the wrong hands it could wreak havoc.

-How so?

-It's a polarity invertor.

In English, please?

Whatever type of energy you put in, it turns it into the opposite.

For example, a negative charge would become positively charged.

-And that's scary because...?

-Well, plug this into the electricity grid

and the feedback would blow the country's entire power supply.

You don't want to mess with this.

If you get the polarity the wrong way round,

the resulting explosion would blow a hole the size of Wembley Stadium.

-So the spy lesson of the day is...?

-Don't plug it in?

Very good, but no. It's 'looks can be deceiving.'

We need to have a serious chat about this image of yours, Frank.

-Is that an award you're holding?

-Very observant.

The university gave it to me for my invention, the Dark Star. See?

It looks like a sheriff's star.

It emits darkness from a six-point matrix, hence the name.

I built it to cancel out light around observatories.

-Maybe yours truly's finest hour.

-I see why you and Rose get on.

Ah, that reminds me, Rose sent this.

Hi guys, I'm in the south of France. Are you missing me?

This conference is amazing. You'd love it.

Yesterday, there was a fantastic lecture on molecular cybernetics.

Gotta go, don't want to miss a lecture on

Artificial Intelligence: The Next Step,

especially as it's me presenting it.

See you guys next week!

She's in the south of France?!

I want to hear about the weather, the beach...

-How come we don't get extra training?

-Somewhere warm would be nice.

PHONE RINGS

HQ. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

When did this happen?

I understand. Well, thanks for letting me know.

-When did what happen?

-Do we have a mission?

N-No, it's j-just HQ chasing up some paperwork.

Come on.

Where are we going?

I'm shutting down for the week and you're off duty.

-One last order.

-Yes?

-Have a good half term.

'...to stand on the shoulders of giants

at the dawn of a bright, new tomorrow.

The pace of scientific progress is dizzying.

It sometimes seems that truths that our grandparents thought immutable

are replaced by new truths on an almost daily basis.

If a power station ran on hot air,

he'd make the country self-sufficient.

Don't worry, your hands'll be on the prize soon enough.

-You think so?

-Of course.

You did a brilliant job on the atomic flux corrector.

I did, didn't I?

..indomitable spirit of innovation that we are celebrating today,

so it is with great pleasure that I hereby award this year's prize

-for Achievement in Science...

-This is it.

..to Frank London, for his Dark Star.

'..to Frank London, for his Dark Star, Dark Star, Dark Star...'

-You look great, boss.

-Woof, woof!

Just one thing missing - the star.

Oh, Mr Flatley!

-Ola, senor el Franko.

-Are you, er, feeling OK?

Oh, yes, fine, thank you. Off to Benidorm.

Just getting into the swing, ole, ha-ha! What about you, Frank?

-You going anywhere nice?

-No, I think I'll stay here.

With the kids off, there's a chance to catch up on stuff.

-Good man. I tell you what, I'll bring you something back.

-Thank you, sir.

Good thing I stopped. Wouldn't want to mess up that nice outfit.

So you didn't buy Frank's story about paperwork either?

What are you looking for?

I figured there'd be a record of the phone call on MI9's computer system.

I've tried to access it but the firewall's too good for me.

Let me have a go.

-Maybe we should call Rose?

-No, we can do this.

Five minutes.

Five minutes.

'I can't respond to my communicator right now.

I'm either away from my desk or saving the world.'

Hi Rose. Sorry, I know you're busy, it's just that Frank's acting odd.

I mean, odder than normal Frank odd.

Oscar and me, we think something's going on.

We tried to hack the MI9 mainframe, but we don't know how.

And, em, I hope your speech goes well.

Why are you acting so weird?

Is it me, or is there something a bit funny about this?

You mean apart from Frank's taste in blazers?

The framing.

Who's he?

There's only one way to find out - banana bugs.

-What are you doing here?

-Who's Mr Jealous?

I've never seen him before.

This has nothing to do with you.

-You need to get out of here.

-We're meant to be a team.

-But this is personal.

-Bet you wouldn't send Rose home.

-What?

Look, I haven't got time for this. Go home.

I'm ordering you - stop bugging me!

SPURS CLINK

Hello again, old buddy. Long time no see.

What's happened to your voice? You never used to speak like that.

Where have you been?! I was worried!

-Don't you worry about me.

-What are you doing with the Star?

You're always top of the class. You always get the girl

and you always win first prize.

Well, I'm sick of being number two to you, old friend.

The Dark Star may have won you an award

but it's going to make me filthy rich.

-I don't understand!

-I'm going to rob a bank.

In the middle of the day, there'll be a blackout

and when the lights come back on, I'll be long gone with the money.

No.

'If it weren't for them night vision goggles,

it'd be me riding off into sunset, 'stead of you.

After you sent me to jail, I had a lot of time to chew on things.

What was I thinking?! A bank? Small-time.

So here's my new plan, Stan. I'm gonna take me here that Star,

amplify its power a thousand fold and plunge the whole country into dark.

When we were at university, I was always in the shadow of Frank London.

Now everyone's going to know what it feels like

to be in Colt Winchester's shadow, forever.

Least till I get the government to pay up

the massive ransom I'm gonna demand.

Funny how things work out.

I'd have bet the ranch on you doing something special with your life.

Working with kids has its rewards.

The only reward I'm interested in is the green stuff.

Bogies?

Oh, this is so annoying. What do we do?

Frank ordered us not to get involved.

So, old buddy, I hope you like my new look.

'cos there's one last detail I need to finish it.

Hmm, you mean this?

Get him!

# Come out, come out, wherever you are. #

Aargh!

GURGLING SCREAM

HE GROWLS

-Carrie, Oscar!

-Hey, Frank.

-I forgot my...

-I told you to go home. That was an order.

-Yes, but...

This is personal. I don't want your help.

PAINED SCREAMS

Sounds like Frank just changed his mind.

I'd forgotten how pretty it was.

-Second spy lesson of the day...

-Know when you need help?

The great Frank London, needing rescuing by a couple of brat kids.

Ha-ha ha-ha!

That's a picture I'd like on my mantelpiece.

You've got the room. Frank's is full of awards.

Getting the Dark Star was business.

But this, ha, this is just for fun.

-Ha-ha, ha-ha!

-Oh, no.

SHE GASPS

Slow down, boy, I'm gonna enjoy this.

The caretaker's mine.

SPURS CLINK

I'm gonna go to HQ to get the polarity invertor.

No, Os, it's dangerous.

Don't worry, Frank, I'll keep them busy.

Carrie! Oscar! Oscar!

COMPUTER BEEPS

Weird...

Big mistake, bucko!

I might be in the dark, but I can do that with my eyes closed.

-Ah! Who's there?!

-It's me, Rose.

Rose? I thought you were in the south of France?

Oh! What's the meaning of this?! Who's there?!

Ain't it obvious, lady? I'm the bad guy!

Aah!

Nice one, Avril.

I wanted to remember this moment in living colour, old buddy.

Mr London, is this dreadful man a friend of yours?

Me and Frank go way back to university.

Oh! You must have the wrong man.

Mr London was never at university, were you?

Why so bashful, friend?

I bet he ain't even told you 'bout his prize winning invention, neither?

Prizes? University? Is this true?

Mrs K, I don't know what he's on about.

What's with the phoney accent?

-That's rich, coming from you.

-The question is, Mr London,

just what kind of a caretaker are you? Why all the secrets?

Well, I can explain...

Actually, I can't.

-He's MI9.

-Rose!

MI9?

-Got your message.

-How did you get here so fast?

-Supersonic jet.

-Supersonic jets?!

Don't tell me, they're agents too? Whatever next?!

What's next is the end of Frank London and his snot-nosed agents.

Ooh, scary(!)

Polarity invertor. Shut your eyes.

I can't see!

That's because the polarity invertor turned dark into light.

'Cos you're wearing night-vision goggles, the effect was amplified.

The blindness is only temporary.

The next thing you'll see will be the inside of a cell.

The SWAT team are coming to take you and your mates back.

Maybe this time, but don't never count out on Colt Winchester.

Colt Winchester? Hmm, don't you mean Colin from Winchester?

All right, there's no need to be nasty.

So you really are secret agents! In my school!

Well, that's just...

..wonderful! Is that why you're always skipping out of class?

Super villains don't respect the national curriculum, miss.

Of course. Now it all makes sense.

Hey... I can help.

-Uh-oh.

-No, really.

I'm quite the actress. I could do undercover work.

The name's King, License to Teach!

-That would be good.

-It would?

I can be your Miss Moneypenny.

-You'll need some gadgets, of course.

-Oh, gadgets!

-I've got just the thing.

-Eh, Rose?

Try these.

Now what?

The new memory eraser. I picked it up at the conference.

I wondered when HQ would send one.

So, final spy lesson of the day is...?

When we pull together, we can make a really good team.

Bring it on!

What are you doing for the rest of the holiday?

Clearing up this mess.

So much for the teamwork.

Frank...

Isn't that the door you were working on when I left?

How adorable!

Yes, it's, em... it's for you.

It's a thank you for filling in that dreadful departmental memory thing.

-The Memorandum of Standards and Procedures?

-Yes.

What about it?

You finished it. I found it on my desk.

I think I'd remember doing something like that.

I think maybe the headmaster's had a little too much sun.

But...