Three Spies and a Baby M.I. High


Three Spies and a Baby

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BELL RINGS

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Me and Mark went to that new shopping centre. It was cool.

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We were at my cousins'. A big family thing. I have a lot of cousins.

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What about you, Oscar? You done anything at the weekend?

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Nah.

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TOYS SQUEAKING

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What the...?

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This week, we have a very special assignment for you.

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BABY CRIES

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'The 21st century faces a new kind of threat.

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'Old-school spies have had their day

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'and MI9 must create a new breed of skilled undercover agent,

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'hidden in a place no villain will think to look.'

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Welcome to MI High.

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Now, these are computerised infant simulators.

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And they are just like the real thing. They need feeding,

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changing and cuddling, 24/7.

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And you are going to be looking after them for the next few days.

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They are a big responsibility - just like the real thing.

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The only difference is, our robot babies will be keeping tabs on you.

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They record when they are comforted, AND when they are neglected.

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Mrs King and I will be looking after one.

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At the end of the two days, we'll download the data from each baby

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to find out who in the class is the best parent.

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BABY CRIES

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BABIES CRY

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Give it up for Keith! The newest member of the posse.

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BABY SQUEALS

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Got it.

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-See those pictures get to the papers.

-What about Troy?

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Sorry, I can't risk him making a mess on this top.

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It's designer, you know?

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But...

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It's all right.

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-Look, Oscar. Doli's got your eyes.

-Doli?

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D-O-L-I.

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Navaho Indian for bluebird, silly.

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-It's your turn to hold it.

-Er...no. Miss King gave it to you.

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FAINT BUZZING

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Oi!

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BUZZING

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I've just remembered something I've got to do. Sorry.

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Oscar!

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I'm not raising this child on my own!

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BING-BONG

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CLUNK

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DING

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I see we have a new recruit.

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What have I told you about bringing unauthorised objects into HQ?

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BABY GIGGLES

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Hmmm...

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That's Hannah and Olaf Stein.

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That's why I called you down here.

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The Steins are the two cleverest people on the planet.

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KEYBOARD CLICKS

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Some of the stuff they've invented is out of this world. Literally.

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-They've even got a fan club.

-Don't tell me.

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You can access their blog... and you get a badge.

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222?

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-Their IQ.

-Dude,

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-you need get out more.

-That's their neural interface machine.

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That's why MI9 are nervous about the Steins.

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Last week it was stolen from a lab in Smorgasbord.

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That's in the Arctic Circle.

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The Steins programmed a network defence, that MI9 just installed

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into our computers, to protect them from a cyber-attack.

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The Steins are in the country to deliver a lecture

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on hyper-intelligence and the fight against crime.

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That makes them a prime target for SKUL.

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You are to escort their limo.

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Ensure it reaches the conference hall safely.

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CAR HORNS BEEPING

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Five minutes.

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Thank you.

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Is there a problem?

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They're just dropping something off. It will only be a minute.

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Is there anything I can get you while we wait? Water?

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-A snack, something to read?

-No, thank you, we're fine.

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Oh.

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"Is there anything I can get you?"

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They've disappeared!

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The Steins have been kidnapped.

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BABY CRYING

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Not all of them.

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Delivery van was found abandoned a couple of streets away.

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-There was no sign of the Steins.

-The Grand Master's been after them

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for years, and this has the hallmarks of a SKUL job - sneaky,

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-smug and annoyingly efficient.

-How could you let this happen?

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-All you had to do was get the Steins to the conference.

-Look,

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-I promise we'll find them.

-Yes, we will.

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Because I've put MY best people on the case.

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Please, there must be something we can do?

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-There is. What's the name of the baby?

-Grace.

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-Mmm-hmm.

-I read the blog!

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Well, seeing as you're clearly naturals, you can look after it.

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Uh!

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I must apologise for the temperature in here,

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but this equipment gets very hot when it's running,

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and this is the only way to keep it cool.

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We know. We invented it.

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And let me tell you, I went to a lot of trouble to steal it.

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You should be proud of yourselves.

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All we care about is our daughter.

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-Where is she?

-Please, we want to see Grace.

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And I want to get out of this miserable cold.

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So do us all a favour and plug yourselves in

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to the neural interface machine.

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How is it possible that something so small, can make so much mess?

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Looks like we've got another Picasso.

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I SO don't get modern art.

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I've got some gadgets for you.

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Very funny.

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And I've got something that tells me when Grace needs changing.

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It's called a nose. And this one's got your name on it.

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Frank...call out the biohazard squad.

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That thing's poo is toxic.

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Ooh, definitely weapons-grade material.

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I found some instructions online.

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You're looking at how to raise a baby, on a website?

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Are you serious?

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Like everything in life,

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you just need to approach this scientifically.

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She does realise Grace is not a machine?

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How are we meant to look after a baby,

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if we can't even look after ourselves?

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Maybe we don't have to.

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What?

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Watch and learn, Homes. Watch and learn.

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Twinkle, twinkle, little star...

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millions of light-years seem so far.

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Pi is a very, very long number. E = mc2 was...

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MUSIC PLAYS

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You hear that? Where have I heard that music before?

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Now, there's no need for that, young lady.

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ICE-CREAM VAN MUSIC PLAYS

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Hi, Rose. Would you like some chocolate sauce with that?

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I'm quite capable, thank you.

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Course you are.

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How about raspberry ripple?

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No, really. Thanks.

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It seems being a dad has brought out the friendly side in Scoop.

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Any word on the Steins?

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Not a sausage. It's like they've disappeared into thin air.

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They're not the only ones.

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What have you done with Grace?

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Scoop!

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Well, someone's in for a big surprise.

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Rose is such a swot. She's practically a cyborg.

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Which makes her a perfect mum for the baby.

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Why swap babies?

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Try and keep up, Home.

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Without knowing, Rose takes care of Keith.

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Then, at the end of this week, when we swap the babies back...

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reports get downloaded and we look like wicked dads, innit?

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BABY GURGLES

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It's moving and everything.

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Seriously, it's just in there.

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In there.

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You actually thought this was a flesh and blood baby? Eh?

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W-w-w..

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We need to have a serious talk about the human anatomy.

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Go!

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Ridiculous.

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It moved!

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Ah, so, how are the new parents doing?

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Ha-ha! These robots...

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..are remarkably realistic.

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WATER TRICKLING

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Oops...

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Someone...has had a little accident.

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Good thing it's only water.

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Hmm.

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Linda.

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Oh...new timetable?

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No, headmaster. This is the new schedule for OUR robot baby.

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As you can see, it's colour coded.

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Feed time, cuddle time, play time, sleep time.

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Oh, very impressive. Even a complete idiot should be able to follow it.

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Hmm, we'll see.

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The baby needs a feed now, but I've got to go out.

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Right, er, leave it to me.

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It'll be good to spend some one-on-one time together.

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It's very simple. Feed it, burp it and put it to sleep.

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Don't you worry about a thing. Our little treasure is in safe hands.

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Aren't you?

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Ah! Yummy milk!

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Look, I'll show you.

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Mmmm.

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What's up?

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Look! The MI9 mainframe is under attack. Someone's hacking into it.

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-Don't worry about it.

-What if they get through?

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They can't. The new cyber-defence system

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is designed at MI9 by Hannah and Olaf Stein.

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There's no-one in the world clever enough to break through.

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Ah, false alarm, then.

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No prob. Time to go home anyway.

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Why don't I have Grace tonight? I'll keep an eye on the hackers

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and wait for an update from Stark about the Steins.

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-But, I was going to...

-You could do with a break, Oscar.

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-You're sure you know what you're doing?

-Of course.

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When I was living with the Nuwanga people of Africa,

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I had the privilege of seeing how they raised infants.

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There's a lot we can learn. It's actually quite humbling...

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Oh...looks like it's just you and me, then.

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Zab-aba-bab-a!

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Bribbl-iblur!

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No.

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BABY CRYING

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How did you know...?

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HE BURPS

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HE BURPS LOUDLY

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Cho-cho-cho-cho.

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Woo-woo!

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Brrr-rrr-rrr!

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Brrr-brrr.

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Chuca-chuca, chuca-chuca...

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..and they all lived happily ever after.

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Now, then, it's time somebody went to sleep.

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GURGLES

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But we've read all the books.

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The competitor's ef...

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..effectiveness is limited by the hydraulic pressure in the vessel

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once the angle has exceeded 20 degrees.

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Even I don't understand this!

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Come on, Grace, you must be tired by now.

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STEREO PLAYS RAP MUSIC

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Scoop!

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Scoop!

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Scoop!

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MUSIC STOPS

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You're going to upset the babies.

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What are you doing?

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CALMING FLUTE MUSIC PLAYS

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No!

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MUSIC STOPS

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-I don't think so.

-Scoop!

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BELL RINGS

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Ah!

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Have any of you seen Frank?

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-No.

-How come?

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He hasn't shown up for work and there wasn't a message to say

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he'd be late, or anything. It's most unlike him.

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I don't suppose you've seen Frank, have you?

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ELECTRICAL BEEP

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Frank, come in.

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Pick up, if you're there.

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Frank!

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What happened? Was it SKUL?

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Shhh!

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Where's Grace?

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She's only just gone to sleep.

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Please don't wake her!

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-Can we get you something?

-Ice cream.

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COMPUTER BEEPS

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That can't be!

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The hackers only have one firewall left to break through.

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Frank, you were meant to keep an eye on things!

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So much for no-one being clever enough

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-to break through the Steins' security system.

-Oh, no.

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Unless it is the Steins.

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Agent Stark, Agent Gupta here.

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Yeah, Gupta, I don't have time to talk, we're under cyber-attack.

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I know what's going on. It has to be the Steins.

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No-one else can break through their own security system.

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Don't be ridiculous, the Steins will never work for SKUL!

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SKUL must be forcing them. You have to take

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the entire MI9 computer network offline.

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We'd be blind! SKUL would run rings around us!

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If that final firewall falls, SKUL will have access

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to every scrap of MI9 data.

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Details of every agent, blueprints of every gadget,

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records of every mission.

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Sir?

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Pull the plug!

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Now! You better be right.

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MI9 took their system off line

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before we could breach the final firewall.

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This is not our fault. Please...

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Fear not, this is precisely what I had planned.

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Now the real fun can begin.

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Should have done something.

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I feel so...

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so thick.

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Don't beat yourself up.

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You were trying to outsmart the Steins.

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It would be like Scoop trying to outsmart you.

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Thanks, makes me feel a whole lot better.

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So, what are we going to do?

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That's the point. There's nothing we can do.

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I don't deserve this membership.

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You don't fancy taking your turn?

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With these nails? I don't think so.

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Oscar.

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Oscar!

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There you are. We've been looking all over...

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Who's that?

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Whoops...

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Er, this is Grace.

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So this is the "thing" you had to run off for,

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that's more important than your own baby?

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-Avril, it's not like that.

-You know what, Oscar?

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I don't want to listen to your excuses.

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But you owe Doli an explanation.

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Hu! Wow, that was better than a soap.

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Wow!

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I think you've really captured something.

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Not!

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You know what I really fancy?

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An ice cream.

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'A crime wave is sweeping the nation.

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'Police are pushed as resources are stretched to the limit.

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'Looting and vigilante behaviour is up.

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'Speculation is mounting as to who will step in to save the nation.

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'We'll bring you updates later.'

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What about Grace? When do we see her?

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Oh, you've not finished yet.

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But MI9's computers are off line. Isn't that what you wanted?

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Of course, but sooner or later MI9 will come back on line

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and then they will come after us.

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So now, I want you to build an impregnable defence

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for the SKUL computer system.

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One that no-one will ever be able to break though.

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Not until we see Grace.

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Oh, very well. If you insist!

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Avril. Look, I'm sorry about earlier.

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No, I overreacted. My hormones are all over the place since the baby...

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You've got secrets, and that's OK. I get it.

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I just wanted to say I think it's great you're bonding with Doli.

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Ahh-a-a!

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Rose and Carrie are great, but they don't realise how lucky they are...

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having family. They take it for granted.

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I'd love to have a baby sister. It would be fun.

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We'll find your mum and dad, I promise.

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XYLOPHONE PLAYING

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Ah, a musician as well as an artist.

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SHE PLAYS A TUNE

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This is exactly what Stark was afraid of.

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Without computers to help predict SKUL's next move,

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-MI9 are powerless to stop the crime wave.

-Its all our fault.

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If they hadn't been kidnapped, this wouldn't be happening.

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-If only there was a way of finding them.

-How, without computers?

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What's the emergency? Leaky nappy?

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Listen to this.

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XYLOPHONE TUNE

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I know that tune. It's the ice-cream van music.

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-But it sounds like its being played on a xylophone?

-That's the point.

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I don't understand. Who's playing it?

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-Grace.

-No way!

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Don't you see? All the stuff Grace has been making,

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the drawings and shapes, it's triggering a subliminal response.

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That's why we're all craving ice cream. I know it sounds crazy,

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but I think Grace is trying to tell us something.

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I could murder a choc-ice...

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That's it! Grace's drawing.

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It's the logo from the ice-cream van.

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One was parked on the side of the road when the Steins were snatched.

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-Knew I'd heard that music before.

-Was the ice-cream van involved in

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the kidnapping of your mum and dad?

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Yeah, Oscar, she can't talk.

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No, but she can still communicate.

0:20:550:20:57

You're not seriously suggesting we listen to a baby?

0:20:570:21:00

You better be right about this, Oscar.

0:21:010:21:04

If Stark finds out we're following clues

0:21:040:21:06

given to us by someone in nappies, we'll be the laughing stock of MI9.

0:21:060:21:09

If we don't find the Steins, that will be the least of our worries.

0:21:090:21:13

-Why have you brought that?

-With everything going on,

0:21:130:21:15

we've been neglecting it. I may hate the assignment,

0:21:150:21:18

but I hate the idea of doing badly in class even more.

0:21:180:21:21

How are we to find the ice cream company with the MI9 computers down?

0:21:210:21:25

Next left.

0:21:250:21:26

How can you be so sure?

0:21:260:21:27

-Grace has drawn us a map.

-This has officially started to become

0:21:310:21:35

-a little freaky.

-Yeah.

0:21:350:21:37

Which way now, Oscar?

0:21:410:21:43

Just wake her up.

0:21:460:21:47

No. She'll be really cranky if she doesn't get her sleep.

0:21:470:21:51

The country's in the grip of a major crime wave

0:21:510:21:54

and our only hope of stopping it is taking a nap?!

0:21:540:21:57

-Can't we use the spypod?

-Not with the mainframe off line.

0:21:570:22:00

-There may be a chance of re-routing.

-Through the CIA database!

0:22:000:22:04

We need to reconfigure the algorithm protocols.

0:22:040:22:06

Or we could just ask this bloke.

0:22:060:22:08

Excuse me, have you seen an ice cream factory around here?

0:22:090:22:12

Cheers, thanks.

0:22:130:22:15

Of course, the Steins were taken from the limo, through a manhole.

0:22:240:22:28

They must have been smuggled into the ice-cream van the same way.

0:22:300:22:34

The Steins neural network interface machine.

0:22:380:22:40

The one that was stolen?

0:22:400:22:42

-What's it do?

-It allows you to plug a person directly into a computer,

0:22:420:22:45

So you can harness their brain power, like a microchip.

0:22:450:22:48

The Steins ARE the computer.

0:22:480:22:50

The question is, where are they now?

0:22:500:22:52

Can you access SKUL's computer to find out where they've been taken?

0:22:520:22:56

-It's protected by a three digit code.

-That's not too hard to crack.

0:22:560:23:00

That's 1,000 versions. If you get it wrong three times, it locks you out

0:23:000:23:04

of the system for 24 hours. It could take us till next year to crack it.

0:23:040:23:07

BUZZING

0:23:070:23:10

-Frank?

-'Stark's done a deal with the Grand Master.

0:23:110:23:13

-He's going to give them Grace.

-He can't do that.

0:23:130:23:16

At least she'll be with her parents. MI9 agents are on their way

0:23:160:23:19

-to take her to the rendezvous.

-I don't care.

0:23:190:23:22

-It's wrong. I'm not handing her over.

-'Oscar, it's an order.'

0:23:220:23:26

-Oscar, don't do something you'll regret.

-The thing I'll regret

0:23:270:23:30

-is giving Grace to the Grand Master.

-You'll be throwing away your career.

0:23:300:23:35

Family is more important.

0:23:350:23:37

Oscar. She's not your family.

0:23:370:23:40

Oscar, give it up.

0:23:430:23:45

There's nothing more we can do.

0:23:450:23:47

Please, can you give us a minute to say goodbye to Grace?

0:23:480:23:51

BABY CRYING

0:23:560:23:58

-Look what the stork brought.

-Grace!

0:24:110:24:14

I'm afraid the reunion will have to wait...

0:24:140:24:16

until you've finished my new computer defence system.

0:24:160:24:19

It's done. All I have to do is flick this switch

0:24:190:24:22

and SKUL will have the most secure computer network in the world.

0:24:220:24:26

Well, what are you waiting for?

0:24:260:24:29

BEEP BEEP

0:24:320:24:33

-Impossible!

-What's happening?

0:24:340:24:37

Someone is hacking into SKUL's computer network.

0:24:370:24:40

-If this is a trick, so help me...

-No, I promise you.

0:24:400:24:44

-Then do something.

-It's no good. Whoever is doing this...

0:24:440:24:48

-..is...

-Too clever for us?

0:24:490:24:51

But you're the cleverest people on the entire planet!

0:24:510:24:55

No. There is someone cleverer.

0:24:550:24:58

What?!

0:25:070:25:08

ARRRGGH!

0:25:090:25:12

Got a location yet, Rose?

0:25:170:25:18

Standby.

0:25:180:25:19

Lair 2B, Coldfinger Lane, Deadly End, Dungeoness,

0:25:220:25:25

'Essex, FB1 UGG.'

0:25:250:25:27

This is MI9!

0:25:420:25:43

There!

0:25:430:25:44

The Grand Master, go!

0:25:470:25:49

It's locked.

0:25:520:25:53

BABY DOLL CRIES

0:25:530:25:55

Grace!

0:26:010:26:02

Oh, Grace!

0:26:020:26:03

But how did you guess the three digit security code so quickly?

0:26:050:26:09

What else could it be? 222.

0:26:090:26:11

Maybe you're not so thick after all.

0:26:110:26:14

The question was, who to plug into the machine?

0:26:140:26:16

The only person in the world smarter than her mum and dad.

0:26:160:26:19

We wish to keep that a secret.

0:26:190:26:21

Super-intelligence is both a gift and a curse.

0:26:210:26:25

If SKUL discovered Grace's potential, any chance

0:26:250:26:28

of an ordinary life would be gone.

0:26:280:26:30

Thank you again, agents, for looking after our beautiful daughter.

0:26:300:26:34

We need to get you people out of here. STAT.

0:26:340:26:37

-But I didn't get a chance...

-We'll debrief later.

0:26:370:26:40

Goodbye, Grace.

0:26:490:26:51

Right, time to find out who made the best mums and dads.

0:26:510:26:55

Now, let's see...baby Keith.

0:26:550:26:59

Keith, a most unusual name for a girl.

0:27:000:27:03

LAUGHTER

0:27:030:27:04

As for parenting skills, you have none!

0:27:040:27:07

Next, is Doli, who's mother and father are Avril and Oscar.

0:27:070:27:14

85 percent!

0:27:140:27:15

That's excellent!

0:27:150:27:18

Remarkable. Davina and Donovan have topped that.

0:27:180:27:23

Which leaves just Rose and Carrie.

0:27:280:27:31

Come to think of it, where is your robot?

0:27:310:27:34

ELECTRICAL CRACKLING

0:27:370:27:38

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