Millionaire Flatley M.I. High


Millionaire Flatley

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LineFromTo

Explosives Direct.

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I've got a delivery for, er, SKUL.

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One kilogram dugranite...

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Is that what you ordered?

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INTERCOM: Yup.

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Enough to blow up a school.

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HE LAUGHS EVILLY

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Bills, bills and more bills.

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Oh,

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-this one's for you.

-You read it.

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It'll probably be another demand for money.

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"Dear Kenneth Flatley,

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"regarding the dying wishes of your great Aunt...Jemima"?

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Jemima.

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My father's aunt.

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She moved to America and... Oh, I remember now,

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she married a millionaire oil baron from somewhere like...

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BOTH: Khazboldia.

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She inherited all his money,

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but now she's died.

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"As one of her four favourite relatives,

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"you have been invited to share her fortune

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"totalling £4 million"! £4 million between four of you.

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Headmaster! You're going to be a...

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Millionaire.

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The 21st century faces a new kind of threat.

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Old-school spies have had their day

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and MI9 must create a new breed of skilled undercover agent.

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Hidden in a place no villain will think to look.

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Welcome to MI High.

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Ooh! Thank you!

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Thank you, oh!

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BELL RINGS Thank you!

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So Flatley's getting a million quid.

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And some new friends.

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Ah, sir. When is after-school morris dancing club start again?

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Ah, at last, Timothy. A useful hobby.

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Ah, Frank.

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Could you round up some extra chairs for my office?

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I've got some relatives coming for the reading of my...

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great aunt's will.

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Today's the big day.

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No problem, Mr F.

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Here, bit unusual to have the reading of a will at a school,

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-isn't it?

-Yes, the solicitor asked if he could do it here.

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Something about his office being redecor-r-r... Ooh, oh!

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"Turn down your share of the money or I blow up your precious school.

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"And don't tell the cops neither."

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Blow up the school!

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Does that mean a bomb?

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Keep this to yourself. We don't want to cause a panic.

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I'll search every corner of the school if I have to.

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Yes, thank you, Frank.

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You're a good man in a crisis.

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I mean, who could possibly want to do this?

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-Sir?

-Oooh!

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I found this South American weavers cooperative.

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I thought with your new fortune, you might want to buy them a school.

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-That's a kind thought, Avril, but...

-Sir, relax.

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-You're in the hands of professionals.

-Am I?

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We are your new personal shoppers.

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Clothes, accessories, shoes.

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Cars, televisions, gadgets.

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Er!

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I know what you're all after -

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some of his million.

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Well, he hasn't even got it yet. Have you?

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No.

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Run along.

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-Go!

-Oooh!

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I am so sorry about them.

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Now, you mentioned you'd forgotten your lunch.

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So, I thought you might like to buy a sandwich.

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It's really not necessary, Mrs King.

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No, no, no!

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I insist.

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We can't have the top man going hungry, can we?

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HE LAUGHS NERVOUSLY

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Hmm.

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Keep away from Mr Flatley today.

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He's got a lot on his plate without you acting all matey.

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ELECTRONIC BEEP

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WARNING ALARM BEEPS

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This was on Flatley's desk.

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"Turn down your share of the money

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"or I'll blow up your precious school!"

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-ALL: What?

-Must be a hoax.

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Unfortunately not.

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Right, I have a gadget for you.

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Detector specs.

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They show up the tiniest trace of any unusual substance.

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What can you see?

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ELECTRONIC BEEPING

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Dugranite?

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Dugranite - a rare and powerful explosive.

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Whoever sent that note is serious. There is a bomb in the school.

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We need to evacuate. Everyone's in danger!

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One wrong move could trigger the bomb.

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Who'd want Flatley to turn down his million?

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Any one of his relatives. They would all get a share of it.

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-Oh, that's bad.

-What?

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The only supplier of dugranite made their last delivery six weeks ago...

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to SKUL.

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I thought you said Flatley's relatives would get the money?

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They would.

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Though it appears one of them is working for SKUL.

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-Unbelievable.

-Shouldn't we call the police?

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-The note says not to.

-The bomb squad, then!

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We don't want to cause a panic, this is SKUL we're talking about.

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We're the best people to deal with this.

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I want you to find out which relative is behind this

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-and stop them before Flatley accepts the money.

-Look.

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The Flatleys - they're arriving.

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Result.

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The bomber licked the envelope.

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We have DNA.

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Get DNA samples before they reach the office -

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skin, hair, nails, anything!

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And keep an eye out for the bomb.

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Wait!

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I didn't notice that before.

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-Carrie, come on!

-No, you go.

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TICKING

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OK, Oscar. Approaching you now is Flatley's Uncle Hamish -

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a university lecturer in advanced chemistry.

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He certainly has the know-how to make a bomb.

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FAINT BAGPIPE MUSIC

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Professor Hamish Flatley?

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I've had a hell of a journey

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and this is the welcome I get.

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One of the nit-ridden kids.

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HE GROANS

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BOX TICKS

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LOUD ROCK MUSIC

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Rose, heading your way is the head's second cousin -

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Nozzy Flatley - lead singer with Flaky Pastry,

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probably the worst rock band ever.

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In 20 years they've never had a hit,

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so the money will be very tempting to him.

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-Flipping heck!

-Nervous?

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Er, no, no. Just, em,

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you know, excited.

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I'm here for the reading of the will.

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I know a shortcut. Follow me.

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ROCK MUSIC SWELLS Oh.

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TICKING

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ELECTRONIC BUZZING

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Carrie.

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Carrie!

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CUCKOO CHIMES

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"Dear Mr Flatley,

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"congrats on your exciting news!

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"From all at the Caravan Club."

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Carrie, about time! The last Flatley's here.

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-It's the Reverend Jeanette. She's approaching reception.

-On my way.

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She runs a drop-in centre for youngsters, but check this - it's under threat due to lack of funding.

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Hey, homie. Bunking off?

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School's like, well boring, yeah?

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No!

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I mean, I'm here to show you to the will reading.

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Wicked!

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Yeah, you must be excited about the money.

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Oh, no, no. As long as I've got a roof over my noggin.

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Dosh can't buy you happiness.

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-You feel me?

-Yeah.

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Well, em, just follow me.

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Oh, thank you.

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Headmaster?

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Frank's a good man in a crisis.

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Headmaster, this is Mr Pronting, the solicitor.

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Frank's a good man in a crisis.

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Frank's a good man in a crisis.

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-Frank's a good man in a crisis.

-He's just overexcited.

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Frank's a good man in a...

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Would you like to contribute a ginger hair to my science project?

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Contribute a ginger hair?

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I havnae got time for this.

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Obviously the more samples I get, the better.

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We're trying to find out why ginger dominates -

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why it always comes out on top.

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Ah.

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Because it's the best hair colour.

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Ooh!

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Obviously.

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Stupid boy.

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Now,

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where's this head's office?

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Rose? Hamish is certainly aggressive enough to be the bomber.

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Nozzy's as nervous as anything, and he obviously wants the money.

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And then, once I've built my own studio,

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we won't need to sign to a label.

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We're going to be huge, bigger even than Take That!

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SUCKING

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Ready?

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Hamish's DNA sample.

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COMPUTER BEEPS

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Rose, Nozzy's.

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His dandruff will contain DNA.

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COMPUTER BEEPS

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So it's Jeanette?

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I knew she was too good to be true.

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Here. Should be enough saliva for a match.

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Then we need to find where she's hidden the bomb...

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-COMPUTER BEEPS

-What?

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It's none of them.

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-The bomber must be someone else.

-But who?

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Everything's gone hunky dory.

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I'll be listening in.

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-LAUGHS EVILLY

-And if I don't get my money...

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Kaboom!

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CHUCKLES EVILLY

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That note didn't just arrive by magic.

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Here's the CCTV from first thing this morning.

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Er, why would Scoop be working for SKUL?

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Look.

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Scoop's just the delivery boy.

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Someone giving him...

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a bear and an envelope

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and some money for doing it.

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And this is our only angle?

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That's our bomber.

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I'll find Scoop and get a description.

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I'm thinking the dugranite might be...

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Inside that teddy bear. I'm on it.

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-And you're on forensic analysis.

-Yes!

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BELLS JINGLE

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Yeah, go on. Laugh away.

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Truth is, this is the best way to get in Flatley's good books

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and it's a short step from his good books to his wallet.

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Oh, so that's why you took him a cuddly toy this morning!

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You, em...

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-You saw that?

-Dude, you must really like him.

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No! No, no, no, no!

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See... You, you've got it wrong, see?

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I was given that from someone else, innit.

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Straight up, some bloke at the gates.

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What bloke?

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Don't know. I've never seen him before.

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Erm, '80s mullet...

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erm, dungarees...

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sort of talked funny as well.

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A foreign accent?

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Don't know.

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Maybe. Why?

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Just that you probably helped an underworld crime syndicate

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with a plan to blow up the school.

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HE LAUGHS

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Pull the other one. It's got bells on it!

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Er, Mr Flatley?

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I'm not leaving Flipsy and friends alone with them.

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But what about the will?

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I just need to speak to Frank.

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I'll give him ten minutes.

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If he's not back by then,

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I'll have to split his share between the other three.

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He'll be back.

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Er, hi.

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The bear on Mr Flatley's desk.

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My sister gave it to him by accident and now she's upset. Could I just...?

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Sorry. Legal proceedings. I can't let you in.

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Ahh, where is he off to?

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I dinnae trust the English!

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HE CLEARS HIS THROAT

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Nae offence.

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It's Hamish. He has dugranite on his fingers.

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But he didn't match the DNA from the envelope.

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Plus Scoop described a man with dungarees and a mullet.

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Maybe they're working together.

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We need to get into Flatley's office and scan that bear.

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Classic - using newspaper letters to avoid handwriting analysis.

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Could've come from anyone.

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Look! Colour.

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In Britain we spell it with a U, right?

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Here it says C-O-L-O-R - the American way.

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Whoever bought this newspaper was from America.

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Great. That narrows it down to, oh, 300 million people.

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MOBILE BEEPS

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Hello.

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Frank, I know who the bomber is.

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Great, who?

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It's one of my relatives.

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They're the ones who get my share of the money! Now,

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I don't know which one it is,

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but I'm going to call the police right now.

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No need, I've already found the bomb

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-and defused it.

-Really?

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How did you manage that?

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Er, it was a badge I got in the Cubs.

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It all came flooding back.

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Frank, you're a marvel!

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-Well done.

-Cheers, Mr F.

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Frank!

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The note says not to call the police.

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It could've triggered the bomb.

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If he thinks it's been defused, he's bound to take the money now,

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which will also trigger it!

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I had no choice. I've bought you some extra time to find the bomber.

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Now I have to evacuate the school.

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It's getting too dangerous.

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TOILET FLUSHES

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-Headmaster?

-Hmm?

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Are you all right?

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Tickety-boo, Mrs King.

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I'll tell you what, Frank London is my new best friend!

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I wonder if he'd like a new car...

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HE KNOCKS ON DOOR

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ROCK MUSIC PLAYS

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Wow!

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I heard you were here.

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I love Flaky Pastry. Would you sign this?

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Oh, right, fans! No problem, mate.

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Hey!

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This isn't opened.

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I know.

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I keep all my Flaky Pastry CDs safely in

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their original wrapping.

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They're that precious.

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Precious?

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You mean, you've never listened to them?

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Never.

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Wow!

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I'll just get a pen.

0:16:330:16:34

There's no dugranite on the bear, but there is a listening device.

0:16:350:16:39

That must be so the bomber can hear if Flatley takes the money.

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If we invert the frequency of the transmitter in the bear,

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we should be able to pinpoint the receiver.

0:16:450:16:48

There.

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A few streets away.

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You go, I'll search for the bomb.

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There you go, mate.

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Remember,

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keep the flake!

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Nice shades, man.

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Oscar, this is mad.

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He's got dugranite on him too.

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So Nozzy and Hamish are part of this somehow?

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But it was the dungaree man who gave Scoop the note.

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Time to find out who's listening in to Teddy FM.

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Nice stash!

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These kids must think he's well quality.

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Now, the sooner we do this, the sooner I can order the...

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seven-berth Winchester deluxe caravan,

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complete with aquarium, ha-ha!

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Come on, Mr Pronting. Chop, chop.

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Check it, he's got his own little mic,

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look!

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RECEIVER SCREECHES

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Lost him.

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Frank?

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The newspaper lettering is dodgy. All the B's have a tiny bit missing.

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I'm searching for a match.

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Got it.

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Our bomber comes all the way from Nohorse, Alabama,

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USA.

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He's obviously desperate for the money,

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but we have to stop him somehow.

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No, you won't stop him.

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Mr Flatley WILL get his money

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and then he WILL buy me a Porsche.

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MOBILE RINGS

0:18:220:18:24

Mrs King?

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Everyone's ready.

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We just need you and one other witness.

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I have the perfect person.

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Oh, I was just about to do a fire drill.

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I'm not letting you out of my sight.

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ELECTRONIC BUZZING

0:18:420:18:44

Rose? We've lost the signal.

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I found a newspaper archive.

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"Dwayne Flatley, 43, rescued his pet cat, Rosco-Pea,

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"after destroying his home with an experiment...using dugranite."

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Dwayne Flatley... But,

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where is he now?

0:19:030:19:04

He's renting a lock-up round the corner.

0:19:060:19:08

I'll check it out.

0:19:080:19:10

HE LAUGHS

0:19:310:19:33

MRS KING: 'I have our witness, Mr Pronting...

0:19:410:19:43

BEEPING

0:19:430:19:45

Oscar?

0:19:460:19:47

Yeah, I see him.

0:19:490:19:50

ANSWER MACHINE BEEPS

0:20:130:20:15

'Hi there, Rosco-Pea.

0:20:160:20:19

'I've left you a saucer of milk on the side

0:20:190:20:22

'and I'll be all right soon.

0:20:220:20:25

'Everything's going to be hunky-dory.

0:20:250:20:28

'I'll be listening in

0:20:280:20:30

'and if I don't get my money...'

0:20:300:20:33

HE LAUGHS EVILLY

0:20:330:20:34

'Kaboom!'

0:20:340:20:37

MACHINE BEEPS

0:20:370:20:39

Rosco-Pea.

0:20:390:20:40

"Confirming your status as an animal charity"?

0:20:400:20:43

Weird.

0:20:430:20:44

Oscar?

0:20:450:20:47

No sign of Dwayne.

0:20:470:20:48

That's because he's here.

0:20:480:20:49

I'm on my way, just need to check something out.

0:20:490:20:52

Guys,

0:20:520:20:53

I'm stuck in the office,

0:20:530:20:54

it's up to you now.

0:20:540:20:56

Er...

0:20:560:20:57

No time for odd jobs. Now, sit down

0:20:570:21:00

where I can keep an eye on you.

0:21:000:21:01

No hillbilly's going to blow up our school.

0:21:040:21:07

Oscar, the bomb trigger.

0:21:070:21:08

Y'all get back.

0:21:100:21:11

Come any closer... and I'll blow us all sky high.

0:21:120:21:17

In order to receive your share...

0:21:200:21:23

..you each need to sign this form.

0:21:240:21:27

HE CLEARS HIS THROAT

0:21:270:21:28

Before we start,

0:21:280:21:30

I'd like to know which one of you sent me the note

0:21:300:21:33

about a bomb.

0:21:330:21:34

A note like this one

0:21:340:21:39

threatening my precious lecture theatre?

0:21:390:21:41

Mine said, "Your precious church."

0:21:420:21:45

"Precious shed."

0:21:450:21:46

It's where I keep my drum kit.

0:21:470:21:49

They each got a note.

0:21:490:21:51

That's why they all had dugranite on their fingers.

0:21:510:21:54

So you're working alone?

0:21:540:21:55

Stay back!

0:21:550:21:56

I will do it.

0:21:560:21:58

Where's the bomb, Dwayne?

0:21:580:22:00

I'm not saying nothing...

0:22:000:22:02

till I hear 'em say no to the money.

0:22:020:22:06

You all got a note,

0:22:060:22:08

but you were all brave enough to come here today?

0:22:080:22:11

No-one tells me what to do.

0:22:110:22:12

For a million quid, it seemed like a chance worth taking.

0:22:120:22:16

Chillax, man!

0:22:160:22:18

It's probably some Herbert having a giraffe.

0:22:180:22:21

Oh, no, no, no!

0:22:210:22:22

It was a real bomb. Frank here defused it.

0:22:220:22:24

Good heavens above!

0:22:240:22:27

A real bomb!

0:22:270:22:29

Ach, who'd do that?

0:22:290:22:31

Wait a minute.

0:22:310:22:32

If we all turned down the money,

0:22:320:22:34

who gets it?

0:22:340:22:35

It's in the small print.

0:22:350:22:38

It goes to an animal charity -

0:22:390:22:41

SKUL.

0:22:410:22:42

SKUL.

0:22:420:22:45

CAT MEADOWS

0:22:460:22:48

Dilute it.

0:22:500:22:53

Aggravate.

0:22:540:22:56

Heat.

0:22:590:23:00

Distil.

0:23:000:23:02

Gives you liquid dugranite!

0:23:020:23:05

Carrie? Dwayne converted the dugranite into a liquid,

0:23:080:23:11

that's why it didn't show up.

0:23:110:23:12

Flatley's carried it into the school in a vase of flowers.

0:23:120:23:15

Repeat, the dugranite is in the vase.

0:23:150:23:18

-WHISPERS: The bomb's in a vase in Flatley's office.

-Frank's in there.

0:23:180:23:22

No interruptions.

0:23:400:23:43

Nothing is going to stop Mr Flatley from getting this money. Got it?

0:23:430:23:46

You're doing all this just for the money?

0:23:550:23:58

Oh, no.

0:23:580:23:59

It's not for me.

0:23:590:24:01

I just want SKUL to have the money.

0:24:010:24:04

I believe in everything SKUL stands for.

0:24:040:24:06

-MR FLATLEY:

-I've made up my mind.

0:24:060:24:08

We don't give in to bullies at this school.

0:24:080:24:11

I shall be taking my share of the money.

0:24:110:24:13

Thank you.

0:24:130:24:14

No!

0:24:180:24:20

You stupid...

0:24:210:24:22

HE PRESSES SWITCH

0:24:220:24:23

BOMB BEEPS

0:24:250:24:27

Two minutes till...

0:24:300:24:32

..kaboom.

0:24:330:24:34

I can't stop it.

0:24:360:24:38

You need my four-digit code.

0:24:380:24:40

You'll blow up this whole school!

0:24:410:24:43

If SKUL don't get the money,

0:24:430:24:46

life's not worth living.

0:24:460:24:49

SKUL?

0:24:530:24:54

Save Kittens with Unconditional Love?

0:25:020:25:05

Carrie, Dwayne doesn't work for the Grand Master. It's a different SKUL.

0:25:070:25:11

A charity.

0:25:110:25:12

Save Kittens with Unconditional Love.

0:25:120:25:15

He might not be the Grand Master,

0:25:150:25:17

-but he's crazy enough to blow up a school.

0:25:170:25:20

I've got an idea. Call me back on my mobile.

0:25:200:25:22

Carrie?

0:25:220:25:24

I'm not taking any money.

0:25:270:25:28

The risk is too huge.

0:25:280:25:30

I have no idea what he just said,

0:25:300:25:33

but I dare not put the church at risk. I decline.

0:25:330:25:37

-MIAOWING

-Mr Flatley keeps his kittens in school.

0:25:370:25:40

They're all over the place.

0:25:400:25:42

Of course, erm,

0:25:420:25:43

blowing up the school would make you a kitten killer.

0:25:430:25:46

All right.

0:25:460:25:48

I'll stop it.

0:25:480:25:50

BOMB CONTINUES BEEPING

0:25:500:25:53

Hey, Rose,

0:25:570:25:58

the new ring tone totally worked.

0:25:580:26:00

I've forgotten my PIN number!

0:26:000:26:03

Frank!

0:26:060:26:07

Morse code. Let's just hope Frank's listening.

0:26:140:26:17

LOUD TAPPING

0:26:210:26:23

That's terrorism.

0:26:280:26:30

Nothing less.

0:26:330:26:34

Frank!

0:26:470:26:48

I changed the water in those earlier.

0:26:480:26:50

Did smell quite odd.

0:26:500:26:52

-WHISPERS:

-Sit down.

0:26:520:26:54

If I may continue, Mr Flatley.

0:26:590:27:02

All the money is now coming to you.

0:27:020:27:04

As you know, your aunt's husband was Khazboldian.

0:27:040:27:08

Yes.

0:27:080:27:09

So all I need to do is convert

0:27:090:27:11

the four million Khazboldian pounds

0:27:110:27:14

into English money.

0:27:140:27:17

Convert it?

0:27:170:27:19

You lucky beggar.

0:27:190:27:21

Please dinnae say it's even more.

0:27:210:27:23

How much is it?

0:27:230:27:24

Minus my fee, plus overtime...

0:27:240:27:29

£5.

0:27:290:27:31

Exactly.

0:27:310:27:32

THEY ALL LAUGH

0:27:340:27:36

You owe me that for lunch.

0:27:380:27:41

£5.

0:27:410:27:44

That's funny!

0:27:440:27:46

ALL: Sir, Mr Flatley, sir!

0:27:460:27:48

He's in there.

0:27:500:27:51

ALL: Sir, Mr Flatley, sir!

0:27:530:27:55

-HE SOBS

-I've spent it all!

0:27:550:27:58

On a sandwich!

0:28:010:28:04

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