A Joke Too Far Me Too!

# Come on and get on down to the city

# Where the trains all clatter through

# Hey! Look at that driver driving

-# I want to ride that train of blue

-Me too

# I'm looking way up high to the windows

# Take a peek for an inside view

# All these people busy working

# I want to see what they all do

# Come on, let's weave around the market

# Do you hear the hullabaloo?

# Everybody's busy selling

-# I wanna buy me something new

-Me too

# Look through the arches under the station

# Down where the pigeons perch and coo

# Take a taxi ride to the river

# I wanna drive down the avenue

# Hey, look at those buses gleaming

# They look so clean and spanking new

# All lined up to drive around the city

-# Let me ting that bell

-Ding, ding!

# Going to ride on round to the school stop

# Where the children hurry through

# Sit down, the teacher's teaching

-# I'd love to learn a thing or two

-Me too

# I love to skip in Riverseafingal

# Riverseafingal, by the sea... #

Seven o'clock.

# ..Come on and get on down to the city

-# Where the ferryboat sails are blue

-Sails are blue

# Time to call on Granny Murray

-# She'd love to say hello to you! #

-Hello!

Hello, honey pie!

Come away in and see who's at home today!

# Granny Murray's house has two at home to play

# Granny Murray's house is home to? #

Who's here today?

Well, we've got Megan and we've got Shaun.

But don't just sit there, let's get busy!

PFFFTTT!

HORN HONKS

We're being silly today. Do you know why?

-Why?

-Because today is Tell A Joke Day!

And that's when we play silly tricks, like...

PFFFTTT!

..whoopee cushions! And...

-HONKS HORN

-..clown's horns!

-Now, I'll tell you a joke. Are you ready?

-Yes!

I say, I say, I say,

what do you call a happy hippopotamus?

-I don't know.

-A happypotamus!

-THEY LAUGH

-It's silly!

We've got Megan and we've got Shaun, but someone's missing from home.

Oh! Not any more! Who's coming home to Granny Murray?

Oh, yes, it's Jack with Rudi.

Hello, there!

-Rudi!

-Hi, Granny Murray.

Hello, there! And Jack, well done.

-Through we come!

-HORN HONKS

Hey! Oh, wow, sounds like a joke shop in here.

THEY LAUGH

We've been practising for Tell A Joke Day.

Wow! I like the sound of that.

OK, I say, I say, I say,

-where did the sheep go to get his hair cut?

-I don't know.

The baaaa-rbers.

Ah, Rudi!

Why don't you all dress Claude up as a funny man?

I say, I say, I say, why did the bicycle fall over?

It was "two tyred"!

-Oh, I need to sit down after that.

-Me too, my tummy aches from laughing.

THEY LAUGH

Oh, Rudi, do you want to pull a cracker with me for Tell A Joke Day?

Oh, yeah, there's always a joke inside a cracker.

POP!

-GRANNY MURRAY CLEARS HER THROAT

-I say, I say, I say,

what noise does a cat make in a racing car?

I don't know.

Meeoowwww!

-THEY LAUGH

-It's silly!

I'll tell my customers that one.

You know, my Angus was a proper joker,

-but sometimes he took it too far.

-What do you mean?

Once, he and his big band were playing at a dance

and he stopped the music and said,

"Gentles and ladymen,

"I shall now play for you the Waterfall Symphony."

Then he took out a hosepipe and soaked everyone!

Some of the dancers were very cross.

You should always know when it's time to stop.

I think we should stop chatting and go and check Claude out.

Oh, erm, Rudi,

-come and smell Claude's flower.

-OK.

SHE LAUGHS

I'm soaked through! PFFFTTT!

Jack, you little whoopee-snapper!

Is that for me? I'll have fun with this at work.

PFFFT!

Right, see you all later.

Bye-bye!

Now, remember, always know when it's time to stop.

-Thanks, see you later.

-Bye, bye, darling,

-I'll be thinking of you.

-Me too.

Will you keep an eye on Rudi and make sure he goes the right way to work?

No time to walk today, can you tell me a quicker way?

HORN HONKS Thanks.

# I'm in, in, in, in, in a hurry

# I nee, nee, nee, need to speed to work

# I take a, take a trip in a taxi

# I'll be, be, be, be, be, be there quite quick

# Hurry, hurry, hurry through the streets now

# Rolling, rolling, rolling down the road

# Whining, whining, whining drives the speed up

# Squeaking, squeaking, squeaking slows us down.

# Rolling, rolling, rolling through the streets now

# Squeaking, squeaking to a stop

# I'm in, in, in, in, in a hurry

# I nee, nee, nee, need to speed to work! #

HE PANTS

Phew! Thanks for that. Now what?

Ah, I need to put on my work clothes.

All dressed and ready to go.

I reckon I'm gonna have some fun at work today!

-Morning, Rudi.

-Oh, hello, Mickey John.

-Have you heard what day it is today?

-Yep, Tell A Joke Day!

I say, I say, I say, what do you get when a cow's got hiccups?

Milkshake! THEY BOTH LAUGH

How about this one? What do you call a donkey with three legs?

-A wonkey!

-A wonkey!

Oh, I wish every day was Tell A Joke Day.

You'll be telling jokes to your customers all day.

You try and stop me. I can't wait!

-Give away a joke with everything you sell.

-Where do I get the jokes?

As it happens, I've got a huge collection of cracker jokes.

I've saved them up since I was ten. You can put one in every bag.

Back soon.

PFFTT!

HE LAUGHS

Oh, I wonder how my little joker Jack's getting on?

# I love to skip in Riverseafingal Riverseafingal by the sea

# I love to skip in Riverseafingal Riverseafingal, that's for me. #

Oh, now you look like Tina Taxi!

You put that on, then.

That's what Raymond wears on the train.

-BOY COUGHS

-Oh, that's a bad cough.

What else do we have in here?

That's right. Oh, it's right down to the ground!

What a lot of silly sausages!

Is that nice? Do you like it?

JACK LAUGHS

Oh, Jack, I wish Dad was here to share the giggle.

Yeah.

'What are you doing in the market, Daddy?'

-I'm back, Rudi.

-Hello, Mickey John! Did you bring the cracker jokes?

Yep. Listen to this.

THEY GIGGLE

What does a farmer use to mend a hole in his trousers?

I don't know!

-A cabbage patch!

-THEY LAUGH

-I'll put one in every bag.

-Okey-dokey.

-I'd better get back to school. See ya!

-See ya, Mickey John.

Right, I'd best get down to work.

# Doo-be doo-be-doo

# I make it look easy What I doo-be doo-be-do

# And what I do Is sell to you and you and you

# All of the veggies for a stew

# But it's more than meets the eye

# What I do for you

# As I buy and buy

# While you still sleep

# Those fruit and veg to eat

# And the flowers in the early hours

# So when wake-up comes

# It's there for you

# The market stalls are there to view

# Oh, the market, the market What a wonderful place

# The hubbub of people The smiles on each face

# Oh, the market, the market Come look around

# The hustle, the bustle The bubbles of sound

# The colours so chaotic and spilling about

# The smells all exotic, yeah The market cries out

# Objects to excite you And draw you near

# The buying and the selling Cheap or dear

# The market, the market I just love to be there

# The market is a wonderful place! Diddly-doo-be-da be-doo-be-da-ba

# Ba-da-be-doo-be-da doo-be-da-doo. #

-Hello, Rudi.

-Hello, Bobby. Hey, heard any jokes today?

Erm, kind of. Here, hold out your hands.

OK.

HE WHIMPERS

Is it real?

Had you fooled. It's a rubber worm but looks like a real one.

It feels just like a real worm too!

-Where did you get it?

-Kai's got loads from a joke shop,

and I'm fed up of finding them around the house,

so I thought you might use them. There's 20 there.

Brilliant, Bobby. I'll find a use for them.

-I'm sure you will. See ya!

-See ya later, Bobs!

-PFFTT!

-Oops!

HE LAUGHS Oh, naughty me!

Rubber worms, eh? I wonder what you're wriggling about doing, Jack?

Jack leads the way, everybody!

Jack!

Woo-woo!

-Do you think Dad's having as much fun as us?

-Yes.

I'm gonna play a joke that'll really make Jack laugh when I tell him.

I'm gonna hide these rubber worms in the fruit and veg.

Worms ahoy!

-Hi, there, Rudi.

-Hello, Doc! What can I get for you?

-Two juicy apples, please.

-Two juicy apples coming right up.

Hey, Doc, I say, I say, I say,

-what's worse than finding a maggot in your apple?

-I don't know.

-Finding half a maggot!

-Oh, very good.

-That's part of Tell A Joke Day, I suppose.

-Yep.

You get a free joke in every bag.

-Great, I like a good laugh.

-In that case,

I'll give you an extra bonus joke.

HE GIGGLES

There you go, two lovely, juicy apples.

-50 pence, please.

-Thanks, Rudi.

-Maybe you should check I've given you the right apples.

-All right.

Ohh! Oh!

-There's a worm in the bag.

-It's not a real worm, Doc!

It's a rubber worm. It was a joke.

HE LAUGHS

I don't think that's funny.

What if I'd eaten a bit of rubber worm?

I would have got an upset tummy. That's a joke too far.

-Keep your apples. Goodbye.

-But, Doc...

Oh, what have I done?

I've been trying to make my customers laugh because it's Tell A Joke Day,

and I've gone and upset my best customer.

What will I do? Where did the time go?

At seven o'clock, I dropped Jack off.

They made funny noises with a whoopee cushion.

The children dressed Claude as a funny man.

Granny Murray told me it was Tell A Joke Day. We had a great giggle.

At eight o'clock, I got to work and unpacked my stall.

At nine o'clock, Mickey John and I told jokes.

I laughed and laughed.

Mickey John had an idea - I could give away a joke to every customer.

At ten o'clock, Mickey John came back with a bag of jokes

for me to put into the fruit and veg bags.

At three o'clock, Bobby played a joke on me.

She put a worm in my hand, but it was a joke rubber worm.

She left me a whole bag of rubber worms to have fun with.

At four o'clock, I put the worms all over my stall as a joke.

I thought Jack would think it was hilarious.

But Dr Juno didn't. When I put a worm in her apples,

she screamed and said she didn't want to buy my apples after all.

She went off in a huff. I've upset my best customer. What can I do?

Remember, always know when it's time to stop.

Always know when it's time to stop. That's it!

I need to find all these rubber worms before I make one joke too many.

I've got one here, which leaves 19 to find before my next customer arrives.

Right, it's a race against time!

# I've got to do it I've got to do it

# I've got to beat the clock before the chime

# I've got to sort it I've got to sort it

# I've got to do the job on time

# Like a busy bee I'm going to beat that bong

# I'm going to finish this job before I finish this so-o-o-ong

# Do we think he's going to do it? Do the job that needs to be done?

# Will he know how to fix it?

# Will he finish what he has begun?

# As sure as we are friends, he will get there in the end

# Because he knows what he should do

-# I'm gonna do it

-He's gonna do it

# I'm gonna beat the clock before the chime

-# I'm gonna sort it

-He's gonna sort it

# I'm gonna do the job on time

# Like a busy bee I'm going to beat that bong

# I'm going to finish this job Before I finish this so-o-o-ong. #

Phew! I managed to find all 20 worms.

And now they're safely back in the bag.

-Rudi, I'm sorry I flew off the handle like that.

-No, Doc,

it was my fault, I'm really sorry.

-I was just a bit shocked.

-You were right.

We don't want anybody swallowing any rubber worms.

I know now when a joke's got to stop. And here are two lovely, juicy apples

absolutely free and absolutely free of worms.

-Thank you, Rudi. See you later.

-See ya later, Doc.

HE CHUCKLES

Oh, I wonder if Jack's got a smile on his face now.

Let's play a game of Jelly-giggle!

-Do you want to?

-Yes.

We have to eat our jelly, and look into each other's eyes,

but we mustn't laugh.

-Are we ready?

-Yes.

Serious face. No laughing.

Go!

SHE GIGGLES

-JACK LAUGHS

-You're too funny, Jack. Honestly!

I bet Dad wishes he was here playing Jelly-giggle. It's all wobbly!

'I want to be with you, Daddy.'

Rudi, come away through!

Someone to see you, Jack.

-Daddy!

-Hey, give us a cuddle.

-Sounds like you've had a great time.

-Yep.

-We sure did.

-Say thanks to Granny Murray.

-Thanks, Granny Murray!

It's a pleasure, my angel.

Thanks from me, too, Granny Murray. I remembered what you said -

-always know when to stop. It saved the day.

-Thanks, Rudi.

Right, come on, you two, you'd better be off.

Come on, mate. There you go.

Bye, my darlings, I'm looking forward to next time.

Me too. Come on, Jack! Let's talk about our time away.

I suppose you want me to tell you all about my time too.

# Well, there was

# Waving, greeting, hello, meeting

# Bye-bye, closing, waking, dozing

# Eating, sleeping, fetching, sketching

# Painting, stretching, glueing, chewing

# Sticking up and wiping round

# Dressing up and sitting down. #

SHE PUFFS

But what was really special about today?

Well, Claude was dressed as a funny man

because today was Tell A Joke Day.

The children told some brilliant jokes and made funny noises.

Rudi told me some jokes as well.

Then we dressed up in silly clothes.

We mixed them all up, we looked hilarious.

And when we went to the park, we had more fun.

We tried to see who could do the silliest walk.

Back at home, Jack and I had bowls of jelly,

so we played Jelly-giggle. It was impossible to keep a straight face.

Later, Rudi said he remembered about when it was time to stop.

So everything had a happy ending.

Come closer if you want to smell my flower.

Did I squirt you?

I hope you enjoyed yourself. Me too.

Bye-bye, honey pie.

# I love to skip in Riverseafingal Riverseafingal by the sea

# I love to skip in Riverseafingal Riverseafingal, that's for me. #

# Come on and get on down to the city

-# Where the ferryboat sails are blue

-Sails are blue

# Time to call on Granny Murray

# She'd love to say goodbye to you! #