Halo Goodbye ROY

'This is the story of Roy O'Brien.

'He lives in an ordinary house, on an ordinary street.

'The only trouble is, he doesn't LOOK very ordinary.

'All Roy really wants is to fit in.

'But it's very hard to stay out of trouble

'when you're a cartoon!'

Ro-o-oy!

Ro-o-oy!

Roy!

ROY!

He-he!

'It's Thursday morning in Ballyfermot School.

'Miss Sheringham is having problems with the class computer.'

-It's not working.

-Try it again, Miss Sheringham.

It was working perfectly last week.

G-I-R-A-F-F-E

BLEEP

-Must be one of the kids.

-No!

I suspect that someone here knows that the upcoming test next week

is on this computer.

They think that if we don't know the new password, there won't be a test.

Ah, Mr Hammond, give them some credit.

Credit?! Watch and learn, Miss Sheringham, watch and learn!

All right, you lot - listen up!

One of you lot knows the new password on the class computer.

Now, who is it?

Right, it's going to be like that, is it?

Sinead! Remember anything?

Honestly, sir, I don't know.

Hm? Hm?

Hm!

Tommy?

I... I...

I...I don't know.

GIGGLING

How about you, Jack?

Is there something funny you'd like to share with us all?

Sorry, sir, I've never had to use the password.

SNORING

O'Brien! Care to join us in the land of the living?

Yes, sir. I mean, no, sir! I mean...

The password to the class computer, what is it?

Um...I...

Quickly, boy! Quickly!

Um..."elephant", I think...

-OTHERS GROAN

-..Yeah!

Thank you, O'Brien!

It looks like there IS going to be a test next week, after all.

CHILDREN: Aw!

BELL RINGS

Up for a game, lads?

No!

Nice one with the computer, freak(!)

Saint Roy of the Password(!)

Teacher's pet!

Well, I'm sorry. I didn't know!

I just woke up and he was in me face!

I panicked, OK?

You don't hate me, do you, Tommy?

No, of course not. Lunch?

Ah, look, Tommy, there's the lads. Hey, lads, look,

before you say anything, I'm really sor...

Don't worry about it. You can make it up to us today

on the football pitch, OK?

Here you are - I hope they fit.

With you in goals, that tournament's as good as ours.

-What do you mean?

-With your stretchy arms.

Oh, yeah, yeah. I forgot it was on today.

But no worries, I can make it.

Just have to do a quick errand for me ma first.

-OK, fine.

-Bye, see youse.

Hurry up, Ma, I'm in a rush! The lads will be here any minute.

See, there they are!

Hi, how are you, lads? Listen, will you just hang on a second?

I've something for Mrs Ryan, yeah?

-Mrs Ryan?

-Yeah, just have to drop some shopping over to her.

She has a dodgy hip or something.

Just watch yourself with her - she'll talk the hind legs off a donkey!

Thanks for the heads-up, lads.

-Come on, youse ready?

-Yeah.

-See you, Ma!

-Roy! Haven't you forgotten something?

Thanks, love. Listen, you're Mammy's little angel!

-Mmwah! Mmwah!

-Ma, will you stop it?!

Sorry, love! Listen, good luck with the tournament, yeah?

Ow!

-Shut it, will you?

-Yeah.

-Cheers, lads!

-See you.

Hurry along, then... Mammy's little angel!

THEY GIGGLE

Oh, Roy! Come in, come in!

You'll have a cup of tea.

Mrs Ryan, I have your shopping here. I can't stay cos...

Aren't you the fine young fella? And as good! A right wee angel.

You see, I have this football tournament today and...

Now, how do you like your tea, son?

-Let me guess - milk and two sugars?

-Mrs Ryan, I'd love to stay and chat

-but I really have to...

-I knew it!

How about some biscuits? I bet you like biscuits.

Biscuits? What kind of biscuits?

THEY CHEER

Stupid eejit!

Right, lads, where's the ball?

-Where were you, Roy?

-I got a little delayed.

Mrs Ryan wouldn't let me leave when I wanted to.

Why don't we just go now?

It's too late now, Roy. They wouldn't let us register

cos we were short of one man.

Wha...?

There's always next time.

Next time?! There are United scouts watching the games, Roy!

I'm sorry, lads, but she wouldn't let me leave!

We warned you about her! You should have told her about the tournament.

But I DID tell her! She just kept blabbering on like she didn't hear

a flippin' thing I said. Then she made me mow her lawn,

bleed her radiators, change her light bulbs...

I mean, I'm a cartoon, not a flippin' handyman!

All you had to do was drop the shopping in and leave.

You knew we were waiting. First the test, now this.

But, no, Mammy's little angel had to stay and help(!)

Nice one, Roy(!)

I'm sorry, lads, but it really wasn't MY fault!

A-A-And I'm NOT an angel!

Right, that's it - who's washing, who's drying?

Sorry, Ma, I told Gemma I'd call round to hers.

Gemma? I thought you said you were never speaking to her again

-as long as you live.

-Come on, Mam, that was, like, three days ago(!)

-People move on, you know(!)

-Oh, very funny, Dad!

Can I go now? I'll only be an hour.

I suppose so. Go on.

Cheers, Ma!

Enjoy your suds, loser!

It looks like it's just you and me, Roy. Would you like to wash or dry?

I'll wash, Ma.

That's my good boy - Mammy's little angel!

Mmwah!

I'm NOT a little angel! I'm not! Stop calling me that!

Well, it looks like YOU'RE drying now, Bill.

Will you make my egg a bit runny? Bit of toast...

Sit down, you big ape! You can make your own.

-Ape?

-Ape!

-Better get a banana, then!

SOMEONE UPSTAIRS SHOUTS

..Roy!

Come on, Roy, open the door, son.

-No, go away! Leave me alone!

->

Roy, just let me see that you're OK, yeah?

Well, THAT'S certainly different!

Now, don't! Ssh!

Don't say anything.

Nice hat, bro!

Subtle, like, understated(!)

Shut up, train tracks!

It's a pity them braces don't come with zips!

-You two stop it now!

-Roy...

-I'm not going - and you can't make me.

I can. And you ARE, Roy. Look, I'll write you a note, OK?

-Stupid notes!

-Roy!

-Stupid Ma!

-Roy!

-Stupid family!

-Roy...!

That's an odd place to park.

Alarm specialists?

We do get the odd act of petty rebellion

here at Ballyfermot School, as you can imagine.

But, as in the case of the password on Miss Sheringham's computer,

it's put down very quickly by, er...yours truly.

And it's hardly likely to happen again,

what with the new computer system we're having fitted.

This is the latest state-of-the-art security device.

It is also the reason the school is the new polling station

for the upcoming local elections.

We're having the Mayor and various local politicians here all next week

so it's going to be very important

for raising the profile of the school.

I'll demonstrate it to you as soon as it's up and ready.

Ah-hem.

Hm? Hm? Hm?

-Please?

-What?

Hat! Take it off!

There you are!

What's with the hat?

Um, there's the, um...

the big football game, yeah, it's on tonight.

-No, it's not.

-All right, Tommy, I'm going to let you in

-on a little secret.

-HE WHISPERS

What on earth are you wearing on your head, O'Brien?

-A hat.

-Don't be smart, O'Brien. Believe me, it doesn't suit you.

I'm not, sir. I mean, I have a reason...

-of a note from me Mam.

-A note?

For a hat?! Do you think I came down on the last shower, O'Brien?

Yes, sir. I mean, no, sir! But...

Remove the headgear.

Now!

Hey, everyone, get a load of Roy's halo!

LAUGHTER

Good morning, class.

LAUGHTER

Look, it's St Roy of O'Brien!

OK, everyone. Settle down, please.

OK. If you don't already know it,

our school is going to be used as the local polling station

and the counting office for the upcoming local elections

next Tuesday...

which means that you're all going to be having the day off school.

ALL: Yes!

So today we're going to be learning a little bit about elections

and also democracy.

Does anybody know anything about democracy?

'After a harrowing day at school,

'Roy talked to Tommy about how best to get rid of his halo.'

'You could always try to physically remove it.'

I will do anything, Tommy! Anything!

'Have you done it?'

Well, it's on the other side of the door.

Um...it has a strong pull.

'Keep going. Maybe you can break the attraction.'

Well...it is really, really strong!

I think...I think it's gone now.

It's gone!

It's really, really gone! It is! It's...

Ah!

'Roy!

'Roy, are you there?

'Look, I'll be over in ten minutes.'

Well, it's worth a try.

Well, I suppose you're right.

Here goes.

Here, do you want a hand?

Uh...

No...you're all right.

Move it!

Oh, you flippin' halo!

Well, it kind of looks like a belt now.

Uh. I suppose it's not...that bad.

Help! Help me!

It's up here!

'It's time to call for back-up.'

You've got to do something bad to reverse the effects of the halo.

It could all be in his head.

In his head, on his head, it doesn't matter.

He did some good stuff, he got a halo.

He does some bad stuff, it goes away.

It's obvious, really.

You think?

Let's get started.

Come on, Roy. Smash it and we'll see what happens.

What if me mam finds out?

She won't care. We're probably doing her a favour.

I mean, look at it. It's horrible.

Can we not just do something else?

Do you want to be Mammy's little angel for ever?

-No.

-Then do it.

-Come on, Roy.

Still there!

Course it is. That was just a test, to get you going.

You've got a lot of bad stuff ahead of you, Roy.

Right. What shall I do?

I dunno. Take something she likes and hide it.

Nah.

Put spiders in her bed?

Nah.

I...I don't know.

-Be creative.

-And be quick!

She'll be here any second.

I know. How about this?

Her new make-up bag!

Come on. Let's get out of here!

I still don't get it, Jack.

What's this supposed to do anyway?

Roy, just think about it.

I still don't get it.

Your computer isn't working, Roy.

I think you got a virus.

Really? I just opened some stupid e-mail and the computer

has been getting slower and slower since then.

-Will you fix it for me, Tommy?

-I'll have to install a virus programme.

Yours isn't very good.

It's a shame the class computer didn't have a virus instead...

DAD SHOUTS

Right. Which one of you comedians is responsible for this? Huh?

THEY SNIGGER

I'll warn youse. If there's any more funny trouble,

I'll bring each and every one of youse home to your parents.

Right, lights out. Jack, knock that off. Tommy, turn that computer off.

And the light.

Not a peep, d'you hear me?

Yep.

'It's several hours later and the light from Roy's halo

'has become a real curse.'

That's it, Roy!

I can't sleep with your constant pacing up and down.

Shut up, Tommy!

I'm sorry, lads, but I can't sleep either with this thing.

I have to get rid of it!

-Go back to bed, Roy.

-No.

Listen, I think I've come up with an idea that might just

solve my problem.

Well, let's have it. Anything to have a good night's sleep.

You know the virus on me computer? What if we managed

to put that into the class computer?

Is that the best bad thing you can come up with?

If this works, we won't have to do the test next week,

and it might even be bad enough to get rid of me halo.

Come on, Tommy. You're the only one that knows this stuff.

All right, then!

Show me the e-mail you think you got it from.

'Roy has discovered that last night's high jinks have left him grounded

'for the rest of the weekend.'

'Are you all set for tomorrow with the virus?'

I don't know. I've been in enough trouble this weekend

to last me a month! I don't know about anything any more.

'What? Well, if you're happy walking around with that thing

'on you head for the rest of your life, then fine,

'and you don't mind people laughing at you,

'the jokes, humiliation, that's cool(!)

'As long as you're OK with it.

'Listen, Roy, I have to go study.

-'We have a test next week.'

-No!

Wait a sec, Jack.

I'm going to do it.

This thing has to go.

'Nice one, Roy. I knew you'd come around.

-'Get yourself mentally prepared, OK?'

-I know.

No more Mr Nice Roy until this thing has gone, right?

'Right. So have you got the virus ready, then?'

Jack?

Hello? Jack?

Can you hear me? Flippin' virus!

BELL RINGS

I know. If I locked Gwint in the store room,

that'd be something bad, yeah?

And it might even be bad enough to get rid of this halo.

OK. Here goes.

Hey! What's going on?

Who did that?

Oh, no! It's still there!

O'Brien!

I know it's you.

I'd know those googly eyes of yours anywhere.

Oh, I'm really in trouble now!

Hey! You can't leave me in here!

HE SHOUTS AND BANGS

O'Brien!

So, finally, here she is.

My brand-new little baby.

She's up and running now, a centralised, computer-controlled,

complete security system,

incorporating environmental regulatory software.

To put it quite simply,

this program controls everything.

Heating, air con, sprinkler system in case of fire...

It also does this.

ALARM RINGS

There's no need to be alarmed!

That's the lock-down signal.

Every entrance and exit of this school is now being sealed.

Oh!

Testing, testing.

This is a test!

Please remain in your classrooms.

There is no need to be alarmed.

ALARM STOPS

End of...

FEEDBACK

End of test.

Thank you for your co-operation.

Got to keep them on their toes.

So.

As you can see, nothing much happens in this school

that I'm not aware of.

DRILLING

Where's the fire?

Where's the fire?

You're an odd one, Roy O'Brien, I must say.

Incarcerating the school janitor.

HE CHUCKLES

You're very lucky that Mr Gwint has decided to let me deal with it,

and that no real damage has been done to school property.

PHONE RINGS

Right.

I'm going to have to leave you for a few minutes, Roy. Excuse me.

Oh. Just so as you know,

I have a camera trained on the door of this classroom,

so I will know if you so much as set one toenail outside of it.

-Is that clear?

-Yes, sir.

-Come on, Roy. Do you have everything?

-Yeah. Cheers, Ma.

-See you.

-Roy, try not to get any more detention,

-or we'll have to move your bed down to the school.

-Very funny, Bill(!)

I can't find my make-up anywhere!

Well, why can't you use your old make-up till it turns up?

And be the only one without the new look?

I don't think so...

Maureen!

The new look? You mean, you did that on purpose?

Don't call me Maureen! I'm only trying to help.

If you took more care where you left things, this wouldn't happen.

-Did you find that vase you were looking for?

-Hilarious(!) Come on!

I'm telling you, it was in my room!

Ugh!

Hi, lads.

Hi.

You all right, Roy?

Hiya.

Today's the big day, Roy.

Who's that?

It's Becky, minus the make-up.

Nice hat, sis!

Still not found her make-up, then?

No chance.

So, lads, anyway,

you know how I got detention yesterday...again?

Are you trying to make me look good?

Well, I took the opportunity for a little bit of sabotage.

Huh? You what?

What do you mean?

That's strange.

LAUGHTER

It should be working by now.

Oh, hang on.

Ah! That's a relief!

I thought the computer wasn't working there again.

THEY SIGH

Right. Don't open the papers until I say so.

You'll have 40 minutes to complete them. Remember, no talking

or looking at your neighbour's paper.

And if you need any paper, just put your hand up, OK?

'It's the following morning,

'and the election is in full swing.

'Meanwhile, Tommy, Jack and Conor are paying Roy a visit

'to see if his mood has improved.'

Boring. Boring. Boring.

That's it.

Roy, it's your day off.

No school. No parents around.

Come on outside.

I'm not going anywhere!

I'm sick of people staring and making jokes.

So where's the folks, Roy?

Well, they're out voting. Then they're off to see

me granny and grandda.

They'll be there for ages, yeah.

Turn it up! Quick. Our school's on TV!

'We're coming to you from outside Ballyfermot School, where the scene

'is chaotic. The day's voting in the local council election

'has been seriously disrupted and may have to be abandoned.'

The trouble occurred after the school's new security system

apparently malfunctioned, locking the voters

inside the building, while the sprinkler system went off,

dousing everybody inside with freezing cold water.

It took attending firemen

almost an hour to gain entry and free the traumatised inhabitants.

I'm joined now by the school principal, Mr Derek Hammond.

Mr Hammond, what do we know about what might have caused this?

HE SHIVERS

Looks...looks like the, er...

er...contamination of the...

computer system has, er...

has occurred.

Do you mean a virus? A computer virus?

Yes! A virus would appear to be the likely cause

at th-th-th-th-this...

j-j-j-j-juncture.

Right. Well, thank you, Mr Hammond.

That's all from us. It's back to you in the studio.

Whoa, look!

Now, that's a result! It's gone.

Yes! It's gone!

I've never been so humiliated in my whole life.

Turning up to vote, I nearly end up half drowned!

We'll get out of the wet clothes and...

And trapped there for hours!

I thought I was going to freeze to death!

If I ever find out what little devil

was responsible for this, I'll...

-Roy?!

-Ulp!

Well, that's certainly different.

Hey, Mrs Ryan. Can I give you a hand?

Ah! Get away from me, you little...!

-Wait! It's me - Roy!

-Go on, go on!

-Stop! Do you not recognise me?

-Go on!

Get away!

-No, no! Stop hitting me!

-You...little...devil!

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

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