Charity Case ROY

This is the story of Roy O'Brien.

He lives in an ordinary house on an ordinary street.

The only trouble is he doesn't look very ordinary.

All Roy really wants is to fit in,

but it's very hard to stay out of trouble

when you're a cartoon.

Roy!

Roy!

Roy!

Roy!

At Ballyfermot School, it's that time of the year

when the school takes part in their annual charity drive.

So this year we have two groups.

One raising money in the traditional way.

Yeah!

While the other group will undertake sponsored challenges.

Yeah!

Now, one person from whichever group raises the most money will

get to present the cheque to charity.

Which means they'll get their picture in the paper

and be something of a local celebrity!

So people are giving you money to stay quiet?

How much quietness would I get for a fiver?

Roy, did you know Sinead's a boy?

And she has to shave her moustache off every night.

Lads, don't be saying things like that

when you know Sinead can't say anything back.

Jack, did you know that Roy is her boyfriend?

Yeah I did, and she's always snogging him!

What are you lot up to?

I'm doing a sponsored run. 40 laps of the football field.

Oh. And Tommy?

-I'm doing a readathon.

-I see.

What's wrong, Miss?

Nothing! Just, you run every day, don't you, Jack?

And you're always reading, Tommy.

So what about you did the run and you did the reading?

I mean, look at Sinead here, doing a sponsored silence.

Now, that's what I call a challenge. What have you decided to do, Roy?

I was thinking of doing some cartoon tricks maybe.

Yeah, the usual, like some sort of circus freak

doing cartoon tricks for money.

-How pathetic.

-Now, Kathy...

But Miss, his team has an unfair advantage with him on it.

People will always cough up money to see weird stuff.

Why aren't you a millionaire then?

Less of that now, you two.

Kathy, if Roy wants to do his cartoon tricks then he can.

I'm not doing cartoon tricks.

I'm doing something else. Yeah, I want to be like Sinead!

I mean, I don't want to just do something that I'm good at.

I want to do something that's more of a challenge.

Like what?

-Like, um...

-Roy?

-I'm thinking, Miss!

-I've an idea.

How about you swap teams and try your hand at collecting?

That way any unfairness

is balanced out by you having Roy on your team, Kathy. OK? Decision made.

-No, Miss!

-But Miss!

No buts. My decision is final.

Yes. Ballyfermot School's charity drive

has been running for some time now.

When I first came to the school

it was something of a more modest affair.

But with a little inspiration, blood, sweat and tears on my part,

we've managed to turn it into

something of an annual community event.

Blasted birds.

Yes, we've managed to raise quite substantial

amounts of money for those who are worse off than ourselves.

Not everyone in the world has such luxuries which some among us

might take for granted.

OK, that's everybody's location sorted then.

-What about me? I don't have one.

-Well, lucky for you there's

one spot left. You'll have to do that spot on your own because

everybody else is paired up.

And you'd better not let the side down, freakboy Roy.

It's very important that I...

That WE raise as much money as possible for the charity.

That's where you're going.

The competition to raise the most money for charity has begun.

In Crumlin Road it's been four-and-a-half hours and Roy hasn't

managed to collect anything yet.

Are you ready? On your marks, get set, go!

Collection for the developing world!

Collection for the developing world!

Collection for the developing world!

Collection for the developing world!

# As I was going over The Cork and Kerry Mountains

# I saw Captain Farrell and his money... #

Collection for the developing world!

Collection for the developing world!

Thank you.

-You're not even trying!

-And yet I'm doing so much better than you.

Oh!

Why are you so uptight about this anyway?

Because I have to win!

-Oh, so you mean so you can get your picture in the paper?

-No!

It's so I can be sure we raised enough money

for all those starving people in...wherever!

Another hour has passed and Roy's efforts are still unrewarded.

Would you like to donate?

HE PANTS

Oh, man, this book is so long!

I'll never finish this in three days.

Come on, Tommy. Only 39 laps to go!

Hey, Conor.

How are you doing so far?

Terrible. Not enough people come by here.

I've only collected about 1.70,

and I've been here all day.

A bad workman blames his tools, Roy.

-Come on, Conor!

-Nyin-nyin-nyin-nyin.

Conor!

At least you don't have to spend all day with her.

Back at the O'Brien household,

Roy is trying to relax after his stressful day.

Wow! Cool!

Roy!

Roy! Turn that off!

The neighbours'll be giving out.

Roy! One more minute, then I'm coming in there to sit down.

# My heart is older than The cold oak tree... #

What are you watching those eejits' video for?

Because they're the greatest guitarists in the world ever!

So cool!

So now you want to be a guitarist, do ya?

Yeah. Why not?

You might have a little bit of a problem there.

-Shut up, Becky.

-That's it. Off!

But Ma! I just want to see this!

Roy, please! The Antiques Show is going to be on now.

-Is that a programme about you and Da?

-Oh, very funny, you(!)

-What's that?

-Roy, please, I can't hear meself think!

-But Ma!

-Roy!

Just do as your mother tells you.

HE TURNS UP TV VOLUME

MUSIC STOPS

It's not fair. We never get to see what I want to see!

ROY SINGS LOUDLY

ROY CONTINUES SINGING

BECKY LAUGHS

Get out!

-Morning, Ma.

-How are you, love? I didn't see you there.

I was just wondering, do you need a hand with that?

No, no, I'm good. Everything OK, yeah?

Yeah, fine, fine. Just fine.

Actually, I was thinking.

Wouldn't it be great... Wait for it, you ready? Wait for it...

If I could go to a rock school?

My name in lights.

A rock school?

Yeah. That would certainly be different all right, yeah.

Yeah, but to join a rock school I'd have to do an audition.

Of course, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, but to do an audition, I'd have to be able to play an instrument.

Stop right there, little fella.

Come on.

Now, what was it you were saying again, love?

It's day two of the charity drive and Roy sets out hoping for

a better day's collecting after yesterday's disappointment.

Do you want a hand there?

Thanks a million, love. You're a natural.

No problem, missus.

-Roy, is it?

-Hiya.

I believe you've been doing great work here today.

Well, I try my best.

Well, I understand you're collecting for charity.

I have a suggestion as to how you can make more money

and help me at the same time.

Do you see?

And if there's any money in there, you can keep it!

Cool!

Uh... Oh!

Oh... Ah... Ah, oh no!

CRASH!

RO-O-OY!

I'm sorry sir, but the sign outside clearly states

-that you park at your own risk.

-Yes.

But you haven't got one that says, "Danger, Roy O'Brien works here!"

Hey!

Look, I'm not an unreasonable man.

But it was his fault! And he was working for you.

Have you any idea how much it will cost me to get that car fixed?

I'm really sorry, sir. I was just trying to make money for charity.

Let me see what you have there.

Yeah.

-That should just about cover the cost, I think.

-Are you serious?!

That money is for charity.

That's like taking food out of their mouths.

Yes, well.

Of course.

I was joking. Ha ha...

But that still doesn't solve my problem.

Are you going to pay for my repairs or aren't you?

Sir, I'll save up and I'll pay for them.

What are you talking about, O'Brien? I think you should go home

and think long and hard about what you've done.

But I've still got money to collect.

I think you've done just about enough damage for one day!

Get out of my sight!

Cool!

You'd never be able to play that, you know.

What are you doing here, anyway?

What does it look like I'm doing?

What have you been doing for the past three hours?

Just collecting in a supermarket, helping to pack the bags.

In the supermarket.

I suppose it's good experience for your future career.

OK, Kathy, that's enough.

-Yeah.

-I crashed my trolley into Hammond's car

and then they told me to go home.

So what are you going to do now?

I knew you'd mess it up.

We've another day left and you're still the weakest link.

Why don't you just go home and let the rest of us get on with it?

Come on, Conor. This money isn't going to collect itself, is it?

If she says one more thing she'll get the bucket on her head.

GIRL SINGS IN DISTANCE

ELECTRIC GUITAR

-Roy?

-What?

-What's going on in there?

-Nothing. Mind your own business.

STRUMMING ON GUITAR

Roy, what on earth are you doing in there?

Listening to music. What does it sound like?

What is it? It's not the new album from whatshisname, is it?

Yeah. It's Whatshisname.

And it's great, so leave me alone to enjoy him in peace.

STRUMMING CONTINUES

But you don't even like him!

Roy, what on earth is that?

Becky, please!

Where did you get that?

-I erm... I...

-Dad bought it for you, didn't he?

No! I mean, yeah!

I knew it! It's just not fair, you always get everything you want!

Oh come on, don't tell.

Dad'll only get in trouble with Ma!

And that would be a bad thing?

After pulling something like this?

Come on, Becks. I'll do anything.

Just don't say anything.

I'll think about it.

Da, didn't you used to play

that thing, you know, the whatchamacallit?

The what?

The guitar.

The guitar?

Well, yeah. Yeah, I suppose I used to be

able to knock out the odd tune.

Remember that, Maura?

Dee-dow-dow-dow-doww...

Guitar? Don't talk to me about guitar.

What you did with that instrument was pure torture.

Was it a red guitar or a blue guitar?

Are you all right, son?

If I had a guitar...

-it'd be a white guitar...

-Ahh!

-..or a purple guitar...

-Ohh!

-..or a gold guitar...

-Ahh...

-..and I'd play my guitar...

-Ohh!

-..all night long.

Roy? Are you all right, love?

I'm fine. Just not hungry.

Coming to you from outside the courthouse,

where the case is currently ongoing.

Maura, listen to this. This is terrible. Listen.

...has gone to provide this man with a life of luxury,

when the very people he claimed to help continue to live in poverty,

hunger and despair.

Heading up a bogus charitable organisation, this man conned

hundreds of well-meaning people, who were unaware that their money

was providing him with his excessive lifestyle.

-I'm going to bed.

-What?

Wait, wait, wait. Hang on a second.

It's only half eight.

We normally have to drag you upstairs at your bedtime.

Yeah. Well, I'm very tired.

-Good night.

-Good night, love.

This is all that's left.

This is my change.

All that money wasted on that!

I can't play it properly.

What was I thinking?

I'll never get the charity money back playing that thing.

All those poor people are worse off now because of my stupid decision

and if Mam catches me with that guitar

then how will I explain how I got it?

Kathy's right. I have messed up.

It wasn't my money to spend in the first place.

Another day begins in Ballyfermot, but Roy has had a troubled night.

-Morning, love.

-Hey, Ma.

Ma, remember that fella on the news last night? Who took all that money.

-What about him?

-What if he spent that money

on all those things so he could make even more money for charity?

Why would anybody believe him?

He's a crook and he deserves everything he gets.

Will he have to go to prison, or will he just have to give the money back?

Well, hopefully he'll give the money back AND go to prison.

Roy!

Everything all right?

I don't think he's well at all.

Sure he didn't eat a thing last night.

-Will I take him down to Dr Rasheed's?

-Yeah.

I think you'd better. Poor Roy.

Would youse two stop! I'm not sick!

What's wrong with you, then?

Look, whatever it is we promise not to get upset. Hm?

You did what?!

Yeah, I know. I'm really sorry, Dad.

I was trying to make more money for charity.

And you thought you'd get a guitar thrown into the bargain, did you?

It wasn't your money to spend, son!

I know. I'm really, really sorry.

Well, look, at least you did the right thing by coming clean, eh?

-You can still put all this right, you know.

-How?

-You still have the receipt, haven't you?

-Yeah. It's upstairs!

-Whoa, whoa, hold your horses there now for a second.

-Mm...yeah?

You've learnt a valuable lesson here, haven't you?

Yeah. I know. I'm really sorry.

No-o-o-o-

o-o-o-o-

o-o-o-o!

Hello! Is somebody there?

Can I have my money back?

Please! I still have my receipt!

Please!

Now what am I gonna do?

You all right there, Tommy? You're walking like an old man.

This is why I get my ma to write me a note every time

we have to do exercise.

It hurts even more than yesterday.

How'd you get on with my book?

Fine, fine.

Once you get past 100 pages or so

it kind of sucks you in.

I was done in no time!

Mm-mm-mm!

Sorry, Jack. I think Sinead wants to tell us something.

DVD?!

Oh, I get it.

You didn't even read the book at all, Jack.

So what? We had three days.

It would have taken me three years to finish it.

What else was I supposed to do?

If anyone asks, I still know the story.

The money goes to charity anyway.

Good point.

Besides, we're all on the same team.

I won't tell if you won't.

HE PLAYS GUITAR LOUDLY AND TUNELESSLY

Hello. Hello!

You're killing everybody's trade with that... that...

I wouldn't even call it music!

Here, take this money and clear off with that...music. Go on! Go on!

FAINT APPLAUSE

Here. Get out!

Hey, man.

Cool guitar.

How much do you want for it?

The deadline for the actual count is supposed to be three.

So if he doesn't turn up soon I'll have to declare Team A the winner.

-Wait, Miss! Wait.

-Roy!

Look how much money Roy's collected, Miss.

How did you manage to raise so much money?

Well, I did a bit of busking, Miss.

Busking?

I never knew you were so talented.

Yeah, well, neither did I.

Well, I have to say I was pleasantly surprised with the amount of money

that the kids raised this year.

It far exceeded last year's total.

And who'd have thought

that Kathy would have got the most out of Roy in the way she did?

They should both be very proud of themselves.

Well, you'll all be excited to know that the results are in!

The collecting team have raised the princely sum of 1,457.65.

Oh, how close.

And despite Roy's particularly impressive

contribution to the collecting team, it seems that they've fallen just

a little bit short of winning.

I declare Team A the winner.

Yes!

-But you're all winners if you raise money for charity.

-Miss Sheringham!

Yes, Kathy? What seems to be the problem?

There's something you should know, Miss.

If someone doesn't complete their sponsorship task,

then isn't that...cheating?

This way, please.

Roy, seeing as you raised the most amount of money,

I think you should be in the photo too.

Thanks Miss, that's cool.

I'll just slip in here.

And say cheese!

Cheese!

Finally, Kathy's moment as a celebrity has arrived.

Right, class.

I've got the newspaper.

Now, let's see is our article in it, and the photo.

There we are!

-Great.

-Out of the way.

Let me have a look!

No... No way!

Where's the picture with me in it?

Oh, you're in there.

Isn't that your hand, Kathy?

No-o-o-o-o-o!

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

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