Roy Band ROY

'This is the story of Roy O'Brien.

'He lives in an ordinary house, on an ordinary street.

'the only trouble is, he doesn't LOOK very ordinary.

'All Roy really wants is to fit in.

'But it's very hard to stay out of trouble

'when you're a cartoon!'

Ro-o-oy!

Ro-o-oy!

Roy!

ROY!

He-he!

There's Jack. Hey, Jack.

Jack?

Huh, well, maybe he didn't see us.

BELL RINGS

'There is great excitement in Ballyfermot

'with the announcement that the first heats of a new TV talent show

'are about to take place right here at the school.'

What's going on?

Deadly!

Roy, are you going to enter?

Yeah, definitely!

It's a talent contest, Roy. Not a freak show.

It's brilliant, you know.

You usually only see them talent shows on TV.

And they're all... The contestants, like, they're all really bad.

But that's serious prize money just for qualifying for the telly bit.

You know, for Ballyfermot, it's brilliant.

BOTH: Yeah!

We're going to enter with this routine...

CLAPPING AND CHEERING

Roy!

Get back to class!

Stop showing off and get back in class!

The same goes for the rest of you.

Yes, Mr Hammond.

Later, Roy, yeah?

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Careful.

Whoa-oh!

BANGING

We're looking for any kind of act, musical or variety.

And there is a sizeable cash prize

just for qualifying to the televised studio rounds.

Myself and Miss Sheringham here...

We're trying to get the best out of the students.

To bring out their other talents outside of the academic realm.

The rules are very simp...

The rules are very simple, actually.

Each act should be a maximum of five minutes in length.

Any and all types of act can enter.

There is also a... surprise guest judge.

Tara Loveworth.

Yeah. Miss Tara Loveworth.

An ex-pupil of ours.

I think it's important to show the other pupils

that success is open to all with a little bit of hard work.

Tara wasn't particularly academic

but with a little bit of help and advice from yours truly...

..she seems to have done well for herself.

-She's a millionaire!

-Yeah.

With the right guidance, support and advice

from your educators, anything is possible.

Well, one can't...

walk around taking credit for the success of every past pupil.

I think Tara herself will tell you that I made a real impact on her

while she was a student here.

Jack, Jack.

Did you hear about the contest?

Yeah.

It's deadly, isn't it?

Perfect for me.

Yeah, I suppose.

Are you gonna enter?

Haven't really thought about it yet.

-HE SNIFFS

-There's hardly any point now.

Why are you here by yourself?

My dad's taking us back to Poland.

Wh...why?

Me dad got let go on the building site.

Can't get any work here now.

So, I have to go back to stupid Poland.

But you were born here, this is your home.

He can't do that.

I know, but he is.

Here, I'll talk to you later.

I know, I'm going to give my winnings to Jack's dad.

Then Jack can stay!

-BELL RINGS

-Oh, I better get to class.

The human lungs are a lot like balloons in our ribcages.

If you blow into the balloon, it expands as it fills with air.

Just like when you breathe in,

your chest expands as it fills with air too.

And when you breathe out...

..the air goes out of the lungs, or the balloons in this case,

shrinks and deflates.

OK?

Now, everyone, you try it.

And don't blow it too hard.

Ugh!

Roy, can you stop fooling around, please?

Ah, Miss! What's happening to me?

Roy, can you come down from the ceiling, please?!

I can't!

CHILDREN LAUGH

I can't!

Oh!

Burst him!

Argh, no!

Stop that now! Nobody's bursting anyone.

Roy! Roy!

-What?

-Belch, you've got to belch.

Let the air out.

ROY BELCHES

Roy!

-'Roy has been called to the Principal to be disciplined.'

-Roy?

'Which may put his ambitions in jeopardy.'

Come in, Roy.

Sit down.

-The other day I went to the cinema to watch this brilliant movie.

-Oh.

I warned you already today, Roy, when you...

..when you turned yourself into a tornado out there.

I have a responsibility for the health and safety

of the pupils and the staff of this school.

But, sir, I didn't mean for it to happen.

That's not the point, Roy.

This is about taking responsibility for your actions.

No-one likes a show-off, Roy.

Well, they do on TV.

Whatever.

Well, you leave me no option, Roy.

I need to do something that'll cool your jets for a while.

-DO you understand?

-Yes, sir.

So...I'm barring you from the talent show.

-What?!

-It's for your own good, Roy.

But, sir! You can't do that!

ROY WAILS

That's enough, Roy. Off you go.

Off!

I don't know what to think, really.

I hate to see Roy so upset but...

Mr Hammond's the headmaster and it's his decision.

I mean, Roy needs to learn to fit in

and if that's what it takes then so be it.

Hang on...

I mean, it's a bit much, isn't it?

Do you not think?

Now that I think about it, I'm going to ring Hammond...

see if I can get him to give the lad another chance. Hmm?

I hate Hammo!

It's not fair.

Yes, I know that, Mr Hammond but, look, I don't know why,

but this competition seems to mean an awful lot to him.

I mean, what'll it take to get him back in?

OK.

Yes, yes.

I suppose we can do that, yep.

Health and safety, yeah.

OK. Well, thanks anyway, Mr Hammond.

Yep.

Now, sit down there.

Right, now.

Do you want the good news or the bad news first?

Good news, good news!

Right, well.

I had a word with Mr Hammond and it looks like he's willing

to let you back in to the competition.

Deadly! Wait till I tell Jack.

Sit down there for a minute.

Hold on there a minute, mister. That's not all.

The bad news?

Mr Hammond says you can enter the competition on one condition.

Right...

That you don't use any cartoon tricks.

-Oh, Ma!

-I know, son.

But that's the rules. It's that or nothing.

Your dad really put himself out for this.

Look, it's not that bad, all right?

You're just going to have to be a little...inventive.

Without being...animated.

-Hmm.

-Hmm.

BELL RINGS

Hey, Roy.

It's terrible news about Jack, isn't it?

Yeah, I know.

What'll we do?

We can't just let him go to Poland.

Maybe he could stay with one of us.

Well, I was going to give him the prize money from the competition

if I won.

Nice one.

But Hammo won't let me do any of my cartoon stuff.

What? He can't do that. That's discrimination.

Yeah, well, then he's discriminisatating...

I'm gonna be late.

Where are you going?

Piano lessons. Right then, see you all. See you, Roy.

PING!

Roy band!

THEY PLAY OUT OF TUNE

Stop, stop, stop!

Thank you. Look, lads. I've told you both, I don't play any instrument.

Well, I can't either but we can learn.

It can't be that hard.

-And I get stage fright.

-I don't know why I let you talk us into this.

Because we're doing it for Jackski.

Now, did anyone manage to get through to Jack

and ask him if he want to join us?

No, he's not answering his mobile.

OK, let's try some vocals first.

One, two. One, two, testing.

-OUT OF TUNE:

-# Oh, rock and roller

# Oh, rock and roller

-# Ahhh... #

-CRACKING

-What's that?

-A crack in my glass.

I don't think it was there before.

What?!

I think that's enough for now. Time for plan B.

HE PLAYS A MELODY

Now that's difficult.

Pop songs on the other hand are easy!

Just listen to all that rubbish on the radio.

Get off!

The best ones are always ballads.

They're just big chords.

HE PLAYS SLOWLY

And you have to have something about flying or soaring.

# Flying like a bird with a broken wing. #

And you have to have...

# Loving you and me. #

Blah, blah. It's a cinch.

Come on, Roy. Show us your rhythms.

What's all that noise in the kitchen, love?

Conor and Tommy are over for a bit of band practice.

And how am I supposed to...

I'm going to the chipper.

Will you get me a...

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Exactly what I wanted(!)

One, two, three.

One, two, three...

-Wah!

-Oh, come on, Roy.

Where's your moves?

That was different, I was freestyling - going mad!

This is different.

This is useless.

We'll never be ready in time.

Like, even if you two could dance, none of us can sing.

Listen, we don't have to sing.

Nobody sings nowadays. Most of them can't.

It's all backing tracks.

Tommy, could you make us one?

Yeah, I suppose I could.

We just need to find someone who can sing.

Yeah, but wouldn't that be cheating?

Come on, this is for Jack.

If we don't do this, we lose Jack.

Forever!

OK, I'll see what I can do.

Sinead, come with me.

So, what should I click on?

Er, click on...

Got it, guys!

Come on, get up.

Listen to this.

# You may think it's impossible

# You may say it's not true

# But I say that it's only natural

# This love between me and you. #

That's really good.

Who is it?

It's Sinead.

I didn't know you could sing. She should be in the band instead of me.

No way, I can't sing in public.

I know the feeling.

But then it won't be a Roy...

I mean boy band if it has a girl in it.

Doesn't matter. I can make Sinead sound like a guy.

Easy.

-FEMALE VOICE:

-# It's only natural. #

-HIGH MALE VOICE:

-# It's only natural. #

-LOW MALE VOICE:

-# It's only natural. #

This will be you, Roy.

# What I say and love is only natural

# Like this love... #

Whoa!

And now, the chorus with all three of us.

# So don't listen to your parents

# Who are they to judge us anyway?

# We gotta hold on to each other

# This love is here to stay! #

Ah, that's deadly.

Yeah! Yeah.

It's kinda catchy.

'It's the day of the qualifying auditions for the talent show

'and everyone is preparing for the contest.'

THEY CHEER AND SCREAM

Miss Tara Loveworth, welcome back to school. It's Derek.

Get the CD?

-Yeah.

-OK.

-Good luck!

-Thanks.

Are you helping them?

No.

I just gave them a CD to practise with.

It's Tara Loveworth!

THEY SCREAM

I'm sorry. Out of the way.

Quiet, quiet!

Mind my shoes!

I don't know what all the fuss is about.

She's just a pop singer.

Make room for her. For goodness' sake, mind my...

Hubba-hubba!

You can get the autographs later, everybody.

Please!

Hey, Jack!

ALL: Jack!

I got all your phone messages, so I'm here to offer support,

-make sure you win. I can't believe you're doing this so

-I

-can stay.

Ah, thanks, guys.

'Welcome to the Ballyfermot heat of the talent show.

'Today's special guest judge is Tara Loveworth,

'accompanied by Miss Dympna Sheringham

'and hosted by School Principal Derek Hammond!'

OK, and the first act today is Gary Jones...

HE SNORTS

..and Jacinta Coyle.

TANGO MUSIC PLAYS

No, no, no! Stop, stop, stop!

Honestly, I have to say

that was absolutely...awful!

Next!

I could've done that.

-Looks like he's having a seizure!

-HE SNORTS

This song goes out to the Fermot posse, you all know who you are.

# Doing the school thing Cos I'm trying to get educated

# Teachers keep telling me That I've got to get dedicated

# But half the time doing it I'd have to be medicated

# All the schoolwork You all know it's over-rated! #

-Well done. You've definitely got something, Chantelle.

-Well done.

It's nice to see you using your talents to express your feelings.

"Schoolwork over-rated"!

You obviously never attended Ballyfermot, Chantelle.

IMITATES ROCK MUSIC

Thank you! Well done.

# Twinkle, twinkle, little star

# How I wonder what you are

# Up above the world so high

# Like a diamond in the sky

# Twinkle

# Twinkle

-# Little

-..Star

-# How

-..I

# Wonder

-# What you

-..Are. #

-Oh-h!

-Roy!

-Yeah.

-We can't do this. What if we get caught?

-We could be in big trouble.

-He's right. I'm getting the fear again.

I'll freeze up in front of them. I just know it.

Relax. You just have stage fright. Do you want Jack to live in Poland?

ALL: No! >

-Is everything all right?

-Yes, everything is just fine.

Ha-ha! That was sensational!

Now that's what I call dancing!

'Next up is Rapid!'

ALL: Whoo!

-Good luck.

-I think we'll need it!

-They're all really good.

-Yeah.

-Are you better than them?

-I hope our backing tracks are.

Conor? Conor, are you all right?

I...don't know.

Ah!

Follow that, losers!

-Good luck, guys.

-Thanks.

-Thanks.

-Sinead, you know what to do.

-Yes, sure. Good luck.

-OK.

Are yous ready to get changed? ..Come on, Conor! Remember!

We're doing this for Jack.

Go on.

I'm gonna hate doing this.

Erm, I think someone tripped on the lead over there.

Oh, thanks. I'll have a look.

And the next up is...

..Bandjaxed!

One, two, one, two.

PIERCING FEEDBACK

GENTLE MUSIC PLAYS

# Some say love is just an illusion

# Some say love is just a pain

# But I say love is the only answer

# It's like sunshine after the rain

# You may think that it's impossible... #

-Is he...?

-He certainly is, dear.

-Oh!

# Love is only natural

# Life is love between me and you

# So don't listen to your... HE COUGHS

-That's not them singing.

-What? Course it is.

MUSIC STOPS

-OUT-OF-TUNE:

-# Love is here... #

-Let go!

-What's going on?

-This doesn't look good.

Jack, get it off her!

CHILDREN SHOUT

CHILDREN ARGUE

Hey, what's going on here?

-No!

-Give me that! Out of here!

Nice one!

No, Roy!

ROY SCREECHES

Well, I think we won!

Well, obviously we lost.

We all got a week's detention for cheating.

Ballyfermot School won't be holding the competition qualifiers

for the "foreseeable future".

Well, at least Kathy was disqualified for fighting backstage.

It was Susie, the little singer, who qualified for the TV show,

and then she went on to win the cash prize.

So much for helping Jack to stay, huh?

I can't believe Jack's going today.

-Roy, brilliant news, man!

-What?

-Dad got a job.

-We're staying. We don't have to go.

-Where did he get work?

You know all that glass you broke?

They've asked him to fix it. It's going to take months.

You beautiful cartoon boy.

Mwah!

Come on in. I've got that new music video game.

You know, the one with the guitar instruments and everything?

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd