Roy the Rover ROY

'This is the story of Roy O'Brien.

'He lives in an ordinary house, on an ordinary street.

'The only trouble is, he doesn't LOOK very ordinary.

'All Roy really wants is to fit in.

'But it's very hard to stay out of trouble

'when you're a cartoon!'

Ro-o-oy!

Ro-o-oy!

Roy!

Roy!

He-he!

Come on, Jack!

'It's Sunday afternoon and Roy has joined Tommy and Jack

'to take Tommy's grandfather's dog, Gent, for a game of fetch.'

Get the ball, Jack! Come on, do you want to get the ball?

Want to play fetch? You do, don't you?

-Ah, give us it, will you?

-Just grab it.

Tommy! Now, Tommy.

Come on, Roy. You can catch it any time you want.

Oh, fine.

Hey! Hey, Gent. Do you want to play? Come on and play fetch.

Yeah? Do you want to play fetch? Yeah?

Yeah, OK. Come on!

Have you ever seen someone who likes playing fetch more than a dog?

No. You?

-Bye.

-See you.

Open it. Go on.

Awww, deadly! Check it out, Roy.

Tommy's granddad got us bowling vouchers for looking after Gent.

Where are you going, Roy?

Home. I'm going to trade in my birthday and Christmas presents

for a puppy.

You can't just decide to buy a dog, Roy.

Taking care of a pet's a huge responsibility.

But looking after Gent was so easy.

Awww, yeah, Roy has a knack with animals.

He'd be a great dog owner.

Yeah. Cheers, Jack. See you.

-What kind of dog do you want?

-Bill!

-I'm not living with a dog.

-Why not?

-Because they're smelly, messy...

-Sounds more like you.

Mam, tell him!

You're not responsible enough to look after a dog.

Yeah, I am. I'm really, really responsible!

Er, kitchen sink, Roy.

They're not mine. It was Becky's turn to wash.

Why don't you ask us again when you're a bit older?

Not responsible? I am responsible! Check out how tidy my bedroom is.

"If your bedroom isn't tidy, you won't get your pocket money."

She said that to me months ago.

And I haven't missed out on a week's pocket money since.

You know why? Because I am responsible.

Is that what I think it is, Roy?

A collection of model spitfires in mint condition?

How do you delete on this thing?

See? Not a single scratch on them. You know why?

Because I am responsible!

I hate inside break.

I hate the word responsible.

It's not the end of the world, Roy.

Maybe your parents will let you have a dog next year.

Aww. Poor Roy isn't getting a puppy.

-Get lost, Kathy.

-Why don't you make me?

Shut up. No-one's talking to you.

Don't tell me to shut up. You shut up.

ALL: Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!

Kathy, Roy, stop that at once.

The next person to start a commotion will get detention.

It's Kathy's fault, Miss. She started it.

I don't care who started it. You're all on your final warning.

Dogs are disgusting enough. Imagine one with you as its owner.

-What's your problem?

-She's afraid of dogs.

No, I'm not.

She is.

Yeah.

-No, Roy. Just leave it.

-Sorry, Tommy. It's too late for that.

-What's he going to do?

-You'll see.

What do you want?

Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof!

Get away from me. Stop it. Miss, tell him.

Roy O'Brien, what do you think you're doing?

Go on, Roy!

Woof! Woof! Woof!

If you bite me, I'll sue.

Roy!

Woof! Woof! Woof!

HE GROWLS

Roy, are you OK?

I don't know how to describe it, Mr Hammond.

It's a very peculiar injury.

Peculiar injury? He's a cartoon, for heaven's sake, Miss Sheringham.

Everything about him is peculiar.

I know, Mr Hammond. But this time, I think it's really serious.

Well, where is he?

I had to put him in there.

Roy O'Brien, what the hell do you think you're playing at?

Woof! Woof! Woof!

Don't take that tone of voice with me, young man.

Stop fooling around and behave normally!

Argh! Argh! Argh!

Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof!

I'll call his parents.

-Did he say what happened?

-Some sort of minor injury.

Maura.

Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof!

Ah, Mr O'Brien, Mrs O'Brien. Lovely to see you again.

My poor baby!

You call this a minor injury?

No need to be alarmed, Mrs O'Brien.

Roy just suffered a small bump to the head.

But I can assure you, there's no real har...

Argh! Argh!

Look what he's done to my beautiful car!

Let's go see Doctor Raschid. Come on, yeah.

Yeah, good boy.

OK, Roy. I just want to have a little chat with Mum and Dad,

so if you can go out. Out to the hall. Good boy. Good boy.

-It looks like mild concussion.

-Mild? He has a tail.

The tail and the ears are probably symptomatic.

-Will he recover?

-I don't see why not.

He's had plenty of bumps over the years.

He's normally right as rain a few minutes later.

I've never known him to scratch his ear before.

We're dealing with a unique individual.

There's never been anyone like Roy before.

It's hard to tell how this will affect him.

-You mean, he might not recover?

-Let's just be patient, OK?

I'll examine him again in a few days.

In the meantime, start treating him like a dog.

Wait, now, will that not just make him worse?

Psychologically speaking, he believes he is a dog.

To talk to him like a boy will only confuse him.

CRASH!

Ah, Roy! Leave the lollipops, Roy.

Still likes his grub, though. That's a good sign, isn't it?

-He's faking it.

-Becky!

He's guilt tripping you into getting him a real dog.

Maybe if we had a real dog, we wouldn't be in this situation.

Unbelievable. You're such a pushover.

Becky, don't upset your mother. Come on, love.

-Where are you going?

-Shopping. Roy's going to need a bowl

-and a doggie basket.

-One of those plastic toys he can chew on.

You're not leaving him with me. I'm meeting my friends in town.

Well, not anymore, you're not.

Becky, your family needs you right now.

-So unfair!

-We're only going to be a few hours.

Don't let him out of your sight.

What are you eating?

Spit it out.

Gross.

-What do you want?

-We came to see how Roy is.

Does he still think he's a dog?

ROY: Woof! Woof! Woof!

-Poor Roy.

-I made this for him.

It's a collar with a modified web cam

to keep a record of his life as a dog.

-Is this just some big joke to you?

-No, we just want to help.

Come on, Roy.

HE PANTS

OK. Got it. Come on, Roy!

Woof! Woof!

-Ready to score the winning goal in the European Cup final?

-Woof!

I thought it was hard keeping up with a cartoon boy.

Keeping up with a cartoon dog is twice as bad.

-Haven't seen the ball in 20 minutes.

-Seems like he's having fun, though.

Yeah. Fancy a game?

-What about Roy?

-I don't think he'll notice we're not playing.

Why can't you take him with you?

They don't let dogs in the bowling alley.

Sorry, Roy. We'll come back tomorrow,

bring you out for another game of football.

HE WHINES

Woof! Woof! Woof!

What?

Woof! Woof! Woof!

You're really starting to get on my nerves.

Just go on.

Hurry up, whatever it is you're doing.

HE SNIFFS

WATER RUNNING

That's the most disgusting thing I've ever seen.

Woof!

You want to come back inside?

Then start behaving normally and open the door yourself!

HE WHINES

-Roy? Becky?

-What?

-Where's Roy?

-In the garden.

-What's he doing out there?

Trust me, you don't want to know.

-Why are you being so hard on him?

-Because he's a big, fat faker.

-Maura! Becky!

-What?

Maura. Becky. When was the last time you saw him?

-About half an hour ago.

-Bill, he's run away.

He's probably in the park chasing cats. I'll look for him.

-I thought he was faking it.

-Oh, Becky.

Woof! Woof! Woof!

HORN BLARES

Stupid dog! Get out of the way!

HE WHINES

I've warned you two before - no more outside food.

Now, take your bag of toffees and get out of my sight.

HE SNIFFS

Argh! Get away. Bad dog! Shoo!

Wrong move, dog. You're in my jungle now.

Woof! Woof! Woof!

Sorry about the commotion, Miss.

The manager will replace your meal for you.

MOBILE PHONE RINGS

-'Hello?'

-Hi, Tommy, it's Mrs O'Brien. Is Roy with you and Jack?

-'No, we're at the bowling alley.'

-I see. Well, if you see him, love...

-'Has he gone missing?'

-Yeah, I'm afraid so.

-'What's going on?

-We'll start searching for him right away.'

Thanks, love.

Attention, please, would the owner of an albino hound,

possibly a mongrel,

contact Don Mooney at the security office immediately.

It's all my fault. I was so mean to him.

He'll be all right, love. Don't worry.

Awww, lads. You're very good to help us search.

-We looked for him on the way back.

-Should I call the police?

No. No, not yet. Let's try and find him ourselves first, yeah?

-Come on, Bill.

-What about me?

Someone has to stay here, love, in case he comes home.

Come on, lads, let's go.

Woof! Woof! Woof!

What are you struggling for? Escape is impossible.

CAR ENGINE STARTS

Gran, I'll call you as soon as we find him, OK? OK, bye.

Some big sister I am.

-Roy!

-Roy!

-Roy!

It's getting dark, love. We'd better bring the boys home.

We're going to have to call the police, won't we?

It's for the best. I'll tell them to meet us at the house.

HE WHINES

What's all the hollering for? Relax!

HE WHINES

I said be quiet!

Welcome to your new home.

Are you coming out of there? You don't have to be scared of me.

I'm not going to hurt you. Look. Look, a toffee here for you.

HE SNIFFS

Come on. Come on.

It's OK.

Let me show you around. Come on.

Now, these guys over here. That's the school. Say hello, boys.

Now, come over this way. Come on.

This guy here, this is Chippy.

Say hi to Chippy. Hiya, Chippy.

Come on. Come on back this way.

This little speedster here,

this is Thierry.

-Say hi to Thierry.

-Woof!

-How's it going, Thierry?

Now, you relax there

and I'll sort out a place for you to sleep

and something nice to eat.

Excuse me, is that your dog?

He's not a dog.

He's my little brother and he's gone missing.

Have you seen him?

You want some more?

Here, let me take that off you.

Had a rough day, hadn't you? Ah, don't worry.

You have a home here with me now.

Gulp!

Long floppy ears. A waggly tail. Walks on all fours.

Are we looking for your son or your dog, Mrs O'Brien?

He's our son. He had a little accident at school today.

-That turned him into a dog?

-Yeah.

-Sort of.

OK. Well, we'll call the animal shelters

and see if someone's dropped off a dog who looks like a boy.

Or is that a boy who looks like a dog? Anyway, we'll be in touch.

-Thanks, guard.

-We'll see ourselves out.

Where have you been?

What if Roy came back while you were gone? He can't ring the doorbell.

That doesn't matter now. I know where he is.

Just take it nice and easy, all right? Don't be panicking.

I'll keep calm, all right? Listen, don't be worrying about me.

-Don Mooney?

-Who wants to know?

I'm Bill O'Brien. This is my wife, Maura, and my daughter Becky.

-Hello, Mr Mooney.

-What do you want?

Did you, er, find a dog today?

Let me guess.

You must be the owners who let him wander off alone.

No, we're his parents. And he's not a dog.

He's an 11-year-old boy, see?

-Do I look like I was born yesterday?

-Woof! Woof! Woof!

-Roy? Roy? Is that you, love?

-Whoa! Where do you think you're going?

Get out of my way and give me back my baby, you big mutt, you!

-Come back here!

-Right, now.

-Woof! Woof! Woof!

-Roy! A-ha-ha, Roy!

If you don't get out of my house in 30 seconds, I'm calling the cops.

Go ahead. We'll have you arrested for kidnapping.

Are you out of your mind? I've been looking after him.

I'm sorry for the misunderstanding there, Mr Mooney,

but that really is our son.

What are you apologising to this big ape for?

Come on, son. I'm taking you home.

-What do you think you're doing?

-No-one's going anywhere.

-Don't be stupid. Get out of my way.

-I'm calling the cops.

-Woof! Woof!

-See, you're upsetting him now.

-He's not upset.

He's trying to say something.

Mam! Mam! Dad! Dad! They're telling the truth.

I really am a boy.

-Hey, I can talk again. Ma, Da, can you hear me?

-Oh, Roy!

Where did you get a talking dog from?

'It's the next morning,

'and Bill and Maura have taken Roy to Doctor Raschid's

'for another examination.'

The bump's receding nicely. You're talking again.

I think you'll make a complete recovery.

What's the story with the ears and the tail?

-How do I get rid of them?

-They'll probably just wither in time.

But...

-Roy.

-Hang on, wait a second, Ma. I can do this.

I'm standing! I'm standing! I can't believe it! Whoa!

-OK.

-Keep your back straight now, Maura. Don't....

OK, Roy. You're going to have to take it easy.

I don't want you suffering another concussion.

But I can talk. Why isn't the rest of me back to normal?

It will be. Just be patient.

Thanks, doctor.

Please, just call me Dajid Gunasay Garratna.

-This stuff is hilarious.

-I'm tired of being a dog.

But look at the great adventure you had.

Adventure? More like a nightmare.

How would you like it if people kept patting you on your head

and telling you you were a good boy?

Fed up with needing someone's help whenever I'm hungry, thirsty,

or have to go toilet.

I'm not setting one paw outside this room until I'm a boy again.

Do you want to be on your own?

-No. But can we do something normal, like play video games?

-Cool.

You didn't come down for your dinner, love.

-I'm not hungry.

-BOTH: What?

Fine. I don't like eating out of a doggy bowl.

That's all right. I'll put your dinner on a plate for you.

No, thanks.

I'll just wait until I can use a knife and fork again.

-I don't remember you using a knife and fork before.

-Come on, Bill.

He knows I'm joking. Don't you, Roy?

Yeah. You're hilarious(!)

Do you want to watch the match with me? United are playing.

No, I think I'm going to get an early night.

All right. Goodnight, love.

-Night.

-Night.

I can't get to sleep.

Every time I close me eyes I think about Tommy's granddad's dog, Gent.

It was easy looking after him.

But let's say he was really unhappy, I'm not sure I'd be able to tell.

A dog needs an owner who understands them.

Otherwise, they could end up being miserable.

HE YAWNS

-Roy? Brekkie.

-I'm coming!

Ma! Da!

I'm a boy again!

Yes!

Everything's back to normal.

ROY BURPS

Pardon.

Hey, look. It's Roy!

It's good to have you back.

Thanks, Miss.

And er, I suppose I've got detention for what I did to Kathy.

Oh, I think I can let you off with a warning this time.

-That's not fair. He bit me.

-ALL: Shut up, Kathy.

-Jack, Alex.

-BOTH: Sorry, Miss.

What happened to your tail? Somebody chop it off?

Listen, Kathy, I'm sorry for making you cry in the canteen.

I wasn't crying.

BELL RINGS

I wasn't!

Ah, O'Brien. Back on two feet, I see?

Yes, sir. Oh, and sir? Sorry for chewing up your trousers

and eating the seat in your car.

See you!

Ma, is it OK if I go bowling?

Sure. But we've something to tell you first.

We've decided to get you a puppy.

You haven't bought me one already, have you?

No. We'll go to the pet shop after you come back from bowling

and let you choose one.

-Nice one, Roy!

-Yeah, whatever.

-There you go, lads. On the house.

-BOTH: Thanks.

Now, if you need anything else, let me know. You OK, Roy?

-My folks want to buy me a puppy.

-That's great news.

Yeah. I really want a dog,

but I didn't realise how hard it is looking after one.

-I don't think I'm responsible enough.

-Fair play to you.

-It's a pity more people don't think like you.

-Yeah.

You know something? You mightn't be ready for a dog,

but there is one animal you could look after.

I've decided I'm not ready for a puppy.

You were right, Ma, I'm not responsible enough yet.

-We'd all help you look after him.

-I know, I know.

But I think it's better if we start with something a bit easier.

What's in the box, Roy?

It's our new pet.

Ah-ha-ha! He's lovely. What's his name?

-I don't know. How about Rover?

-Welcome, Rover!

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