Death in the Family ROY

'This is the story of Roy O'Brien.

'He lives in an ordinary house on an ordinary street.

'The only trouble is, he doesn't look very ordinary.

'All Roy he really wants is to fit in,

'but it's very hard to stay out of trouble when you're a cartoon.'

ROY!

ROY!

ROY!

'It's Saturday, and like all happy families,

'Bill is taking Maura, Becky and Roy for an afternoon outing.'

ROY AND BECKY: Are we there yet?

If they say that one more time...

Jack asked me to go ice skating with everyone else.

There's a new outlet opening in Liffey Park.

Well, I wanted to go fishing

and your mam wanted to have a pedicure. But there you go.

-Why do we keep going to Aunt Bridie's?

-Every Saturday.

Because she's old, she's on her own and she needs our help.

And a bit of companionship.

So would it hurt you pair to stop thinking of yourselves?

BOTH: Are we there yet?

Are yous done moaning?

Here y'are, love.

Right.

She's done it again.

She's left it under the mat on the inside.

She's 80, Becky. She's allowed to get a bit confused.

Roy, come on.

Do I have to?

It won't take you a minute, go on.

He's going to be there.

No he won't be there, come on, good boy.

Come on, it's getting cold.

-Have you got it?

-Almost!

-CAT YOWLS

-Yowwwww!

Wasn't so bad, you see? That wasn't too bad, was it?

I think he's getting to like you.

Are you all right, love?

MEOW!

Don't be worrying, he's friendly, Roy.

All right, Mungo? Right.

Onwards and upwards.

CUCKOO CLOCK WHIRRS AND CHIMES

I thought I'd threw that...

-She's must've had it fixed. Come on.

-Come on.

MEOW!

That's enough outta you, Mungo.

MEOW!

Maura, Maura!

-And what have you been up to this week?

-Huh?

Bill, get...

Well, I did a couple of airport runs... and a wedding...

Oh, I picked up that fella out of that band that you like,

you know, your man with the Walnut Whip hair.

So, when are you going to get a real job?

A real job?

You've been hauling that taxi round for years, Bill.

Where are you going?

It's all so aimless.

There's nothing wrong with Bill's sense of direction.

No, where is your ambition? I mean, take your cousin Danny...

TOGETHER: "Started off without so much as a hod of bricks..."

Worked his way up to foreman, and took over the whole company.

Yeah, then he sold it off for a fortune just before the recession.

-What did you say?

-Nothing.

-Oh, he knew where he was going.

-He did.

He retired to Florida. All right for some!

-I can't hear you.

-I didn't say anything!

Look, we can't sit around chatting all day, we've work to do.

I'll have bash at the garden. Do the hoovering, will you?

Make sure the kids are doing a good job in the kitchen.

Come on. Are you all right?

-LOUDER:

-Are you all right?

She doesn't throw anything out.

Look, she's left the fridge open again!

Aw, look, it's all gone off. Eugh!

Look at this.

How old is she?

Leave that, it's supposed to smell like that.

Ahh, you were so cute.

Next time, I am bringing a tractor.

-MAURA SCREAMS

-Spider.

I hate this house! >

Right, that's it for the day. Come on, out, out.

Come on, move.

-See you next week, Bridie.

-What?

-Bye, Bridie.

-We're going.

-CUCKOO CLOCK WHIRRS AND CHIMES

-Calm down!

That thing's going to give me a heart attack.

MEOW!

OK, paintballing next Saturday.

Listen, Alex, I can't go, have to visit my auntie this Saturday.

Again? You missed ice skating.

You didn't miss anything. Just Jack falling on his bum.

Why have you got to visit your auntie all of a sudden?

My dad says she's all on her own and she needs help,

cos she's getting on a bit.

I don't even like going to her house.

It's all dusty and full of junk.

And she has this really, really freaky cat.

Oh, what a pain. You won't catch me getting old.

Technically, we all start dying the moment we're born.

I'm just telling you as it is.

'It's the following Saturday,

'and the O'Briens are getting geared up again

'for their weekly visit to Auntie Bridie's house in Castleknock.'

Right, let's see what we have.

Homemade chicken and barley soup, nice and easy on her gnashers.

-Maura?

-Yeah?

-I can't find the, er...

-Dust masks?

I want to have a go at her at her attic today.

-Actually, Da...

-What?

-Do you mind if I skip today?

-What?

-I want to do my nails.

And I want to watch the match.

If it's too much, I'll go on my own.

You sit here and do your nails, uh?

It's only two hours out of your week, Becky!

-SKYPE BEEPS

-Hey, it's Cousin Danny.

'Hey, everyone.'

-ALL:

-Hey, Danny.

-What's the weather like there?

The usual, ya know?

'It's 38 degrees here and it's just gone breakfast. Phew!'

If it wasn't for the plunge pool,

they'd be scraping me off the ceiling.

'How's my Becky? How's Roy?'

We're fine. Looking forward to next summer.

Come again?

Remember? You invited us over.

'I did?

'Hmm, OK, well, erm, we may have to take a raincheck on that one.'

I'm in the middle of repainting the guest wing,

it mightn't work out this year.

-But next year. That's a promise.

-Danny, listen, mate,

did you call for anything in particular?

We're going to Auntie Bridie's.

-'Aunt Bridie's?'

-We go there every Saturday.

Oh, you do, do you?

Becky, get Roy, we're late. Come on.

-'What's going on, Billy Boy?'

-What do you mean?

What's with this visiting Aunt Bridie all of a sudden?

We're helping her out. She's on her own.

Come on, Bill, I wasn't born yesterday.

-What?

-Big house, Castleknock.

Bet you've been onto the estate agents already.

Hear, that did you? Outrageous.

He's gone.

-It's never crossed your mind?

-No.

I mean, Danny's her only other relative.

Wait a second - you think I'm doing all this, every week,

just to get into her good books?

-What's going on?

-Ssssh!

Ah, Bill, I mean, you haven't thought about it?

Big house. Big garden. Five bedrooms. Best part of Castleknock.

She's got to leave it to somebody.

-They're talking about Aunt Bridie's house.

-So?

When she dies, she'll have to leave it to someone, won't she?

So?

And that someone is either Danny or us.

So?

So, if we keep visiting her

and helping out, maybe she'll leave it to us.

But I don't like that house.

No, but we'll sell it. Then we'll make a lot of money.

Do you want a new laptop?

That mountain bike you saw with all the gears?

-Dad?

-Huh?

-How much do you reckon this house is worth?

What sort of question is that?

Just curious.

In!

How much is the house worth!

You haven't grown much, Roy, have you?

I only saw you last week, Auntie.

In fact, you don't seem to grow at all.

You know, you don't have to come and visit me.

You've all got other things to do.

Oh, it's no problem, love. No problem.

How you keeping?

Euch, chillblains again.

Why don't you turn the heating on, Bridie?

I'm dying, Bill.

No, you're not, Bridie.

I hate this getting old malarkey. When you start losing it.

Losing what?

-Your hearing.

-It's fine.

And your mind.

-It's fine.

-And your teeth.

They're in!

Ooh! One thing nice did happen this week.

I got a lovely card from your cousin Danny.

-He says he might be coming over this Christmas.

-Oh, great.

He's done so well for himself.

Got off his back, pulled himself up by his bootstraps,

made you proud to be an O'Brien.

Then he swans off to Florida without so much as by-your-leave.

Sunning himself while I'm left here on my own.

But did he think of me?

No, Danny O'Brien always looks after number one.

Selfish boy.

Unlike you, Bill.

Ah!

I won't forget your kindness.

Roy, have you got something in your eyes?

Erm, we'll, er, we'll go do a bit of cleaning,

I think, Bridie, is that all right? Come on.

What's the matter with you? Won't be long, love.

OK, she's upset with Danny, but it never lasts long.

He's always been the favourite, the golden boy.

He's a charmer. He promises you the moon and the stars.

But what Danny says and what Danny actually does

are two completely different things.

Anyway, it's her house and I'm not getting involved.

She can leave it all to to him if she wants to.

It's only money, at the end of the day.

A lot of money, come to think about it.

MEOW!

That animal has got serious grooming issues.

Aah... Aah...

Roy, why didn't you tell me it was there?

Aah-aah-aah-tchoo!

Becky, do you reckon she wants that posted?

-What's up?

-Do you know what this is?

-What?

-It's the will.

What's that?

It's a legal document where she writes out exactly

who she wants to leave her stuff to when she dies.

Yeah, documents, definitely.

Let's go. Your dad's feeling under the weather. Come on.

Dad, look, we found this lett... Oww!

-We still have to post it, don't we?

-Not yet. Come on.

MEOW!

Becky?

What are you doing?

-I... er...

-Where'd you get that?

It was on Aunt Bridie's mantelpiece. We thought it needed to be posted.

-Were you trying to open that?

-We thought it was her will, Ma.

-That's private!

-Even if it is her will, that's her business, not ours.

Leave that there and I'll post it first thing in the morning.

-SKYPE BEEPS

-Get that thing, will you?

It's Danny.

'Hey! How are things?'

All right, Dan?

So how did the visit go? How's Aunt Bridie?

-She's grand, yeah. Looking very well for a woman of her age.

-Oh.

Yeah well, that's good to hear.

We heard you're coming over for Christmas.

If you want to stay with us, Becky and Roy can share.

-Actually, between yourself and yourself, I'm not coming.

-Oh?

Yeah, well, I just can't face it actually.

All that small talk, that creepy house, not to mention the weather.

IF you guys could just play along, I'll tell her I've got the flu.

-Won't Aunt Bridie be disappointed?

-Yeah.

But she'd have had all that time thinking about it.

They need something to look forward to.

They got nothing else to do Hey, Billy Boy how's the fishing?

Remember those times we used to go out together? That was a riot, wasn't it?

Funny you should say that actually, Dan.

Managed to catch a couple of seabass off Dollymount strand last week.

-2 kilos.

-No way!

-Yeah, should have been there, mate.

Yeah, I popped down to Key Biscayne last weekend. Look at that baby.

985 lbs. It's not a world record or anything

but I really at feel one with marine life.

Give us a shout when he's finished, love.

And it gets me.. Bill, Bill.

You were saying.

Uncle Danny wasn't very nice about Aunt Bridie, was he?

-She's probably split it.

-Huh?

The will. 50/50. Or, 60/40. In favour of Danny.

That's not fair. We're the ones that visit her.

-Remember there was the power cut and you found the torch?

-Yeah.

I mean, it was completely dark,

we couldn't see our hands in front of our faces but somehow saw it.

How did you do it?

I just concentrated.

-And you saw through the cupboard door?

-Yeah.

No, dad told us it was private, we can't.

OK, forget it.

-Wait..

-What?

What day was it when we had the power cut?

Sunday.

Right, So we just had dinner.

-That's fascinating, Roy.

-Roast pork. Roast potatoes.

Peas. And...

-Night, Dad.

-Night, love.

You've got a carrot sticking out of your pyjamas.

OK, I think you can stop now.

I think I can see something...

"I... Bridget... Gormley...O'Brien...

"Hereby leave my estate and possessions to...

"My beloved nephew..."

Just get on with it, Roy.

"Bill O'Brien and his dear family."

Becky, I don't think I want any more carrots.

It's OK!

What are you doing with that envelope?

-She's left it all to you.

-What? Aunt Bridie's left it all to you.

-We told you not to open it

-We didn't open it. Roy saw through it.

Roy, you're looking kind of orange, what's wrong with you?

-Carrots.

-Come again?

Aunt Bridie's left it all to you.

-It said, "I Brigid Gormley O'Brien..."

-Roy...

How could you?

OK, what's done is done. You're young.

We all do reckless things in our life.

Let's make sure we post this letter, all right?

And maybe, in a way, it's a good thing.

Because now we know we never should have doubted her.

And maybe now we'll be happy to do a bit more for her.

Dad, do you remember what cousin Danny said about visiting her for Christmas?

Yeah, well that wasn't fair. She'll feel really let down.

PHONE RINGS

Why don't we go and visit her?

Or, she could come here for Christmas.

-She could have my room.

-That's a brilliant idea, love.

She could stay here for a couple of days. Hello?

Yeah, make her feel part of the family

-Would the cat come?

-No, it goes to a cattery in Castleknock.

Mind you, she'll probably just stay in her room and watch the wrestling.

Thank you.

What's wrong?

The meals on wheels person

found Bridie on the floor an hour ago.

Said she had a heart attack.

They don't think she would have felt much pain.

Can't believe she's gone.

She died?

It's so strange.

One moment she's there, the next moment she's not.

When's the funeral?

Tomorrow.

My Da has to make a speech.

There's not going to be many people there,

she didn't have many friends left, and she only had one relative

apart from my Dad, he's in America, so he can't make it.

My Dad says when he dies he's going to have a massive party.

And he wants his ashes scattered in the goalmouth at Old Trafford.

I want a woodland burial.

I'm going to donate my body to science.

I want to be cryogenically frozen then woken up

when they've found a cure for death.

Or get turned into fertiliser.

Hmmm, what?

Thanks very much.

That's about it. I don't think anybody else is coming.

-Danny!

-Billy Boy!

-Maura.

-Daniel. I didn't think you'd make it...

How could I not be here for dear Bridie?

-How are you?

-Exhausted.

Long flight?

Yeah, I was upgraded.

They keep waking you up and feeding you caviar!

Listen, Bill, they are reading the will today, aren't they?

Yeah, the solicitor's coming to the house.

Not that it's important, it's just I'm booked back tomorrow

and it would be nice to tie everything up while I'm here.

FUNEREAL MUSIC

Thank you all for coming today, to commemorate this sad occasion,

the passing of our dear...

Auntie Bridie...

I'd like to pay tribute.

To her long and interesting life...

Born April 12th 1932 in Castleknock.

She attended Castleknock Girls' School

where she played for the netball team.

She left at 16 to work for Castleknock Biscuits...

CAT CRIES

..till her retirement in 1995.

Our dear Bridie, much loved and missed by all...

Actually, I can't do this.

Who am I kidding?

Who are we all kidding, huh?

All she wanted was a bit of company,

a bit of love.

It was all so much hassle though, wasn't it?

I mean we all went over, every week, we turned up,

but we were just going through the motions.

Couldn't wait to get away from her.

Impatient with her for getting a bit deaf, getting a bit old

cos that's never going to happen any of us, is it?

Oh yes, it is.

And won't we be glad to see a smiling friendly face once in a while?

Someone who'll take our hand,

and give it a little squeeze?

Roy, no...

I can't hold it in.

Thanks a million. Thank you.

You know, Danny, it's great you that made it over.

I really wasn't expecting it.

Listen, Bill, what you said today, was so true.

So heartfelt.

Thanks.

I feel so guilty.

Even when I was living here, I never really went to visit,

then I took off to the States, never even said goodbye.

I don't think she ever forgave me.

She was proud of you, Danny. She told me so herself.

No, I'm so ashamed. I let her down.

-Dad.

-What?

Come here.

-Danny's really upset, isn't he?

-Yeah, he is, yeah.

We might have got him wrong, huh?

You know Auntie Bridie's house? Maybe we should...

You're thinking what I'm thinking.

Danny, there's something I want to tell you.

I'm sorry to interrupt, everyone, but I have another appointment,

so if you don't mind I'd like to press on with family business,

namely the reading of Miss O'Brien's arrangements for her estate.

-Danny, it's OK.

-What?

-We'll split it.

-What?

-Aunt Bridie's will.

-What's there to split? She'll be leaving it all to me.

-I'll talk to you after, all right.

"The Last Will & Testament of Brigid Gormley O'Brien..."

"I, Brigid Gormley O'Brien, leave my estate and possessions to...

"..Castleknock Kennels & Cat Sanctuary."

"Furthermore I leave my antique Swiss Cuckoo Clock

"to my beloved nephew Bill O'Brien and his dear family."

-Roy, you said that...

-I did, thought that's what it said.

"I Brigid Gormley O'Brien, hereby leave my estate

"and possessions to Castleknock Kennels & Cat Sanctuary."

I don't get it.

"I Brigid Gormley O'Brien, hereby leave my estate

"and possessions to my beloved nephew Bill O'Brien

"and his dear family."

Roy.

Right, well that was delightful. We should do that again sometime.

They can keep that damp, woodworm infested old pile anyway.

-It needs a bit of work, Danny!

-It needs a bulldozer, Bill.

I'll see myself out.

Ciao!

-Suppose Danny will be on the plane by now.

-You what,

I never saw anyone run as quick to get a taxi before in my life.

Are you still upset?

Nah, it could have been worse, son.

We could have been left the cat.

Listen Dad, I'm sorry about trying to read the will.

No, Roy, I'm sorry.

I got a bit carried away myself too there, ya know.

Sometimes you lose sight of what's important in life.

And it's not things that are important, it's people.

We're all together, we've got our health,

and that's all that matters, at the end of the day.

You've just got to be philosophical about these things.

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