Pint-Sized Roy ROY

This is the story of Roy O'Brien.

He lives in an ordinary house on an ordinary street.

The only trouble is, he doesn't look very ordinary.

All Roy really wants is to fit in,

but it's very hard to stay out of trouble when you're a cartoon.

ROYYYYYYY!

ROYYYYYYY!

ROY!

It's the weekend and Roy is hanging out with his friends.

Er, hi, Mrs O'Brien. It's Tommy here.

Could you please come collect and Roy? He's had a bit of an accident.

'What? Is he OK?'

Yeah, he's fine, He's not hurt or anything but...

'That's it. I've had it. This is the fifth time this month.'

'I'm on my way and tell Roy I am not happy.'

OK, thanks, Mrs O'Brien.

Sorry about this, lads.

Argh!

Are you all right?

I suppose you could say that.

Oh, don't touch it! Eek! Ooh!

OK, everything for the party goes in this pile.

-Everything for charity goes in that pile.

-Right.

-You know, I haven't seen this stuff for ages!

-No, me neither.

Ah, look. That's mad, isn't it?!

You used to love playing with this.

You and Roy playing tea and cakes, remember?

Yeah, till he changed into an annoying little twerp.

I'd have loved something like that when I was younger!

-You were young?

-Ha-ha, ha-ha ha!

I'll have you know I was quite the wild child.

They used to call me Crazy Bill.

Wow! Now they call you Tubs.

So embarrassing, Roy!

I can't believe the fire brigade had to cut you out of the monkey bars!

I'm warning you, you'd better not wreck

your grandparents' surprise anniversary party.

Wait in there for your father.

All sorted. These are all the stuff for party decorations.

All the stuff for charity is in boxes on the landing.

Great. Thanks, love.

I'm not going to shout at you, Roy.

You never seem to listen to me anyway.

It's just that I'm...

Well, I'm disappointed in you, Roy.

Can you just shout at me instead?

I'm really sorry. It was an accident.

It's always an accident with you, Roy.

Look, your mother and me can't always be taking time off work

at the drop of a hat to come and rescue you

from whatever mess you've gotten yourself into.

Look, I know you're sorry, Roy.

But someday you'll realise that life isn't all just fun and games.

There are consequences for every action, you know?

Yeah, I know.

The next time you're thinking of doing something mad or fun,

just stop and count back from ten.

If you think you'll get into another mess, just don't do it, right?

Yeah, count back from ten. I have it. I promise.

Er, um...can I do anything for Granny and Grandad's party?

Yeah. Stay out of trouble.

Anything else you want me to do for the party?

Well, you could help me bake this cake.

You must be joking! Bake a cake? I can't even boil an egg, Ma!

Ah, come on, love. I'll help you.

When was the last time us girls did something together?

Sure it'll be fun!

OK, it's your cake funeral.

-Dad?

-What?

Do you need a hand?

No. No. I've got everything under control.

Here, take that inside, will you?

Give it a bit of a clean, good lad.

Make sure you put it somewhere safe.

Ah, yeah, I see it now.

Ah! No! No! No! No!

OK, Bill, all right, tip it back your way.

-Back to you?

-No, back to you.

-No.

-Nah, this is useless.

I'm going to have to rip up the couch when I get back from work.

Wow, Roy is really on a roll today!

-Stop, Becky!

-Mind yourself, Maura. Mind, mind.

No, it's not working.

Right, Royster, try and stay out of trouble

for the rest of the day, will you?

Just remember, count down from ten

and try and think of the consequences, all right?

See you, love.

Roy, do you want to come to the shops with us

to get some ingredients for Granny and Grandad's cake?

No, I'd better stay here in case I look at the shop by accident

and it bursts into flames.

Yeah, right.

Good choice, spanner.

PHONE RINGS

How are you, Jack? Yeah, I can't come out.

What do you mean you can't come? Everyone's going.

Just grab your bike and meet us.

'I can't. I have to stay out of trouble.'

Are you joking me? How are you going to get in trouble?

It's just riding your bike,

not bungee jumping into a pool of sharks.

'Yeah, I know, but I can't risk anything else going wrong today.'

'I'm sorry.'

Well, suit yourself. I'll catch you later.

Right, a book.

Can't get into trouble with a book.

Bet that won't get turned into a movie.

Ah, I know! I know what's good to read.

Think you can outwit the great Roy, Rebecca O'Brien?

Yeah, but you can't hide your diary from me!

Bingo!

Woah!

Phew! Dodged a bullet there.

Ma and Da would kill me if...

Oh! Argh!

Oh. Wargh! I look like a unicorn!

Go upstairs and get Roy, will you, love?

See if he want to help with the cake.

No, no, no! This can't be happening.

Ma, I found another box of toys for the charity shop.

Great, put all the boxes together. I'll drop them to the shop tomorrow.

It's boiling in here.

May as well just face the music.

Oh, Becky! Becky! It's boiling in here and I'm stuck!

I'm stuck and I'm sweating buckets! Come on!

ROY BANGS DOOR

Did you ask Roy if he wanted to help?

He's not here. He must have gone out.

-That's it love. Good.

-Yeah?

-Good girl.

-I'm doing well, eh?

How many eggs have gone in there?

Hello?

Anyone?

I'm melting!

Oh, lovely(!) That's the place for them.

Arrrrrrrgh! Rat!

You rat! Get out of the way!

Arrrgh!

Ma! Ma, no, it's me!

Roy! Roy O'Brien, what have you done?

Classic!

-Are you all right, love?

-Yeah.

-Hi, love.

-How are you, love?

Listen, I don't want to panic you but...

Never tell somebody not to panic. Then they panic automatically.

See, I'm panicking now. What's wrong?

It's Roy. He's changed...a bit.

Hey, Da.

So much for counting down from ten.

Aw, that's so cute!

Becky's picking on me cos I'm small!

No, I'm picking on you cos you're an idiot.

Stop it, both of you.

I called Dr Rashid, but he's away until Monday.

Do you think he'll be back to normal before the party?

I don't know. He's been like that for hours.

We can't let Granny and Grandad see him like that. It'll stress them out.

I know but we'll have to think of something.

This is worse than the last Roy party disaster.

Hang on! How many times can I tell you?

It wasn't my fault. The trifle exploded by itself!

Drink up, love, now if you want to go to the party.

Are you joking me?

You have to rehydrate.

But that's like you trying to drink a swimming pool!

-Now.

-What's that for?

Look, you need to get your sleep, son. The party's tomorrow.

Listen, Dad. I want to be back to normal more than anyone.

But that's a doll house. For dolls. Girls' dolls!

I know, I know. But your own bed is way too big for you.

How would you even get in and out of it?

This is perfect. It's safe and, look, exactly your size.

See? Comfy, huh?

No way!

Look at them glassy-eyed smiling freaks.

I'll never sleep!

Aw, Woykins, do you want me to tuck you into the widdle dolly bed?

Shut up!

Maybe you could drive the dream car to Malibu ranch?

Ohhh! Shut up!

Shut up!

Ahem, Becky?

Where's the toilet in here?

No, still the same!

Oh, I'm doomed.

He's been drinking water all evening but he can only take small sips.

-I'm trying, Da.

-I know.

Maybe Gran and Grandad won't notice.

Maybe we could stuff you with baking soda, like the cake,

and you'd rise.

Er, n-n-now, hold on, now.

Now, drink that, love.

Eugh, it's manky!

This better work. It tastes like rotten mushrooms.

Hold on, hold on!

I feel something. Something's happening!

ROY PASSES WIND

Sick!

Ahhh!

That's just wrong, isn't it?

Oh, Roy, I think we'll have to hide you for the party, love.

Ohhh!

ROY PASSES WIND AGAIN

Oh, stop it!

Hello?

Hello? Over here.

I'm not that small.

This has been the worst day in years.

The harder I try, the bigger a mess I make of things.

There's no way I'm going to be back to normal in time for that party.

I mean at least this day couldn't get any wor...

Ah! Ah! Giant spider!

Giant spider! Argh! Argh! Argh!

Aw, poor little thing!

Here, let me help.

See, Mr Spider? Roy is nothing to be scared of.

Stop winding him up!

He's supposed to have peace and quiet to recover.

The party is tomorrow.

There, love. No spiders. I checked.

Yeah, the giant rat ate them all.

Becky!

Woahhh!

Hey, Becky, look. I found a prize in here!

Gross.

Oh, I was hoping you'd be back to normal size.

This is desperate.

Maybe we could feed him to the cat next door?

Not funny, Bec.

I really don't know what we're going to do.

No. No good.

I measured him again. Hasn't grown a bit.

We need to sort something out before...

Well, would you look at that now? Wow. I mean, wow!

I know. She made the cupid herself out of marzipan.

Isn't it magic?

Who would have thought you were a little masterchef, huh?

-Well done, love!

-Dad!

Now, photo, Becky.

-Put it up closer to your face, love.

-OK, hold on.

-One, two, three, cheesecake!

-Cheesecake!

Go back, go back, go back, go back. That's it. Good lad.

Right, me and Becks are off to get the last of the party things.

Any bright ideas about Roy?

-Not one.

-Me neither.

Oh, no! Do I really have to hide for this party?

Yes, I'm afraid so, love.

Don't worry, Roy. I'll have fun for you.

That's what big sisters are for.

Are you sticking out your tongue or waving?

It's hard to tell from up here.

Oh, any luck with that wedding ring?

Do you know what?

I haven't had a chance to look with all this party madness.

I'll figure out how to dig it out of the couch

after all this business is over.

I hope so. See you, Roy. Come on, love.

Right, you spiders and creepy crawlies, back off cos I'm armed!

Arrrgh! Get away from me, you hairy freak!

Get away!

SWORD CLANGS

Yes! Yeh-heh-heh-heh, yesss!

I'm victorious.

'Just stop and count down from ten.'

Ten, nine, eight, seven, si...

Oh, this is defo a bad idea!

Woahhh!

Come on, Roy, just...

Watch out for the door!

Woah, woahhh! Arrrgh!

Argh! Ooh!

Ooh! Oh! Arrrgh!

Arrrghhh! Owww!

Argh! Becky, I'm sorry!

MOBILE PHONE RINGS

Hey.

'How are you, Tommy?'

'Er, I, I, I think I've done something really bad.'

What, you've killed someone?

'No, worse. I destroyed a cake!'

-What are you on about Roy?

-'Just get over here now!'

It's us. Let us in.

The spare key is under the gnome.

-Thanks for coming, lads.

-What happened?

-Is that you?

-Of course it's me!

Have you done something different with your hair?

Yeah, you look different. Yeah, you look taller.

Nah, leave him alone, lads. It must be hard enough being...

Five inches tall.

This is the worst thing I've ever done.

I've destroyed Becky's brilliant cake.

And I've ruined me granny and grandad's surprise party.

Relax, Roy, it'll be all right.

Don't worry, Roy. We'll help sort it out.

We'll just buy a new cake. Simple!

Yeah, how much cash do we have?

Not nearly enough.

We could buy a muffin.

We could bake a cake! What did it look like?

It looked like this!

Wow!

Don't worry, Roy.

Sinead'll be able to make a cake just like that one. I'm sure of it.

Oww! What was that for?

Oh, yeah. I should be able to bake a cake just like that

because I'm a girl? I haven't a clue how to bake a cake.

Here we go. How to bake a perfect cake.

Sorry, Becky.

What? It said eggs!

Yeah, the stuff inside!

Pass me the whisker thing.

Woah, woah, woah!

Lads, get me down now!

SMOKE ALARM SOUNDS

THEY COUGH

Do you think they'd notice?

FRONT DOOR CLICKS SHUT

We're in for it.

What the...?

Everybody out! Home! Now! Come on, out. Except you, Roy.

Out. Go on, lads.

Hot! Argh!

Oh, you!

I did what you said and I counted down from ten and everything.

I tried to get out in the car but it all went wrong

and I hit the cake and I ruined everything! I'm useless.

Hey, hey, hey! It's all right.

You're not useless. It was just an accident.

Look, we can fix everything up before they come home.

No-one will ever know!

-Really?

-Of course!

ROY SIGHS

I climbed down the hole in the couch and

fought a few giant spiders and I got this for you.

Hah!

Good man! See, the day is getting better already!

Come on, there's nothing a little icing can't fix, huh?

Don't be worrying.

Do you reckon it's missing something?

No.

Heh-heh! Brilliant!

-Woah!

-Sorry, son.

Listen, we better get the kitchen clean

before they come home and skin us alive.

Ah, do we have to?

Life isn't all fun and games, you know.

Yeah, well, sometimes it is, though.

Come on, I have a brilliant idea!

-Oh!

-Sorry.

Good man.

Right, you ready?

Hit it!

Waheyyy!

Woahhh!

Ha-ha ha!

Back, back, back! Oh, watch it!

Now, there we are.

Nice cup of tea for the two best ladies in the world.

-Ladies?

-Oh, yeah.

Muffins?

All right, what's going on?

Hmm?

Nothing.

Hello?

What's going on here?

-ALL:

-Surprise!

Happy anniversary!

Ah, you are too good!

Hey, where's Roy?

He's away on a school camping holiday weekend thing.

He sends his love, though!

Ah, that's nice. Shall I give him a call so he knows we miss him?

Ah! Hey! Wait until you see the cake Rebecca made.

It's just brilliant.

She even made a wee little cupid out of marzipan!

I'll just go and get it, in the kitchen. Don't do another thing!

Ah, great idea!

Here we go. Prepare to be amazed!

Oh, wow! Well done, Becky!

Ah, sure that's just amazing.

The little statue even looks like Roy!

Roy! You're so dead!

Was that Roy?

Sorry about the cupid, Becky.

We knocked it over earlier on, when we were messing around.

It really was brilliant.

Don't worry, I'll figure out a way to make you both pay.

Now, everyone grab a slice. Let's get this party on the road!

That's lovely, Becky, really lovely.

Roy, you're dead.

You owe me one!

Well, what's the story? Will Roy come back to normal?

I don't know, Da. I phoned Dr Rashid but he's away till tomorrow.

I only hope the doc can help can figure out some way

of unshrinking him. I mean, we're stumped.

What about that recipe I had to unshrink the clothes?

Maybe if we soak him in it for a few hours, it will work on Roy.

Now, that's worth a try. Hmm?

Yeah. Yeah.

Look, you're doing it!

No arguments, cake-wrecker!

No way! This is stupid.

Come on, Roy. You used to love playing tea when you were small.

Yeah, well, I'm small now and I don't want to.

Ah, come on, Roy. Let's do this just one more time

before all this stuff goes to charity, please?

Well, we did have great craic when we were little.

It would be nice to say goodbye to all this stuff.

Would you like some tea, Mrs Dolly?

Ahem. Oh, why yes, that would be delightful, Mr O'Brien.

-Cake, Miss O'Brien?

-Oh, yes, please.

And how about you, Mrs Dolly, would you like some delicious cake?

Why yes, that would be delightful!

Oh! Oh, no, Mr Dolly. I'm afraid you can't have any cake.

You're on a diet.

Ah, this is great, Roy.

Haven't played with these in ages. Nice hanging with you.

Yeah, we should do this stuff more often!

That's what I'm saying, Roy.

How much longer, Gran? This stuff smells like mouthwash.

I think that should do it.

Right, OK. Now everybody grab an arm, all right, and pull.

Now gently, all right. One, two, three.

-Ooh!

-Ah this isn't working.

Ahhh! This feels weird!

Keep pulling! Keep pulling!

Argh!

It's working! It's working!

ALL CHEER

The party was hilarious!

Grandad was laughing his head off and dancing.

Mad stuff.

That's weird! I got an e-mail from Becky.

Huh? Me, too.

Oh, it's a file.

It's a vid. I got it, too.

What is it!

ALL LAUGH

Oh, you've got to see this, Roy!

Sending it now.

Why yes, that would be delightful.

Would you like some tea, Mr Roy?

Gahhh! Shut up!

Listen, if you're my mates, then no-one ever, ever, sees this.

Delete it now!

Of course! But can we have some delightful cake first?

Pretty please!

Right, that's it! No cake or tea for anybody.

Ha! Told you I'd make you pay, Roy. Never mess with me.

Becky!

Oh!

The giant took him!

CREW LAUGH

Maura!