A Crushing Blow ROY

'This is the story of Roy O'Brien.

'He lives in an ordinary house, on an ordinary street.

'The only trouble is, he doesn't LOOK very ordinary.

'All Roy really wants is to fit in.

'But it's very hard to stay out of trouble

'when you're a cartoon!'

Ro-o-oy!

Ro-o-oy!

Roy!

ROY!

He-he!

'Today is Valentine's Day and it's busy for the local postman.

'In the O'Brien household, love is in the air.'

-Ma, I think I'm in love.

-Oh?

With these sausages, they're gorgeous!

Mam, can I have my lunch money?

Are you not going to wait for the postman, Becky?

Cos of stupid Valentine's Day? Don't think so.

-Maybe this year you'll feel different.

-Something smells good.

Hiya, love.

That's not just a card, right?

That is a voucher for a surprise, romantic evening

with my darling Valentine.

Aww, Bill. And I have a surprise for you.

Lovely, those apple and leek sausages.

No, it's my way of keeping your heart nice and healthy.

Happy Valentine's Day, love!

Huh, that's my gift, is it?

-Yeah, that'll be the postman!

-And my lunch money.

So, Roy, did you, did you, eh, get many Valentine's this year?

Did you send any, Roy? Maybe to a particular Sinead, huh?

-Get off!

-What?

-Look who I found.

How are you, Tommy?

Hi, Becky, here are the CDs you lent me. They were brilliant.

Whatever. Mam, my money!

Becky, there's one, two for you.

-For me?

-Yeah!

-Dad!

-Nothing!

You sent this!

Why would you say that, love?

He signed it "Dad"!

You see, last year Becky didn't get any Valentine's cards.

She threw a bit of a wobbly.

Yeah, and cutting a long story short, she took it out on...

It's all right, love.

-She took it out...

-She smashed the remote control against the wall.

Which is why, ever since, this one stays with me all day long.

So, anyway, this year we decided we'd make sure

that Becky got at least one card.

-But there was no need, she got a real one anyway!

-Yeah.

I know! Who'd be brave enough to go out with our Becky?

You see, she's got her mother's temper,

she gets that look in her eyes like she's...

That one.

HORN HONKS

He's looking meaner than usual.

Probably didn't get a Valentine's card.

Lads, I've the best idea ever.

How about we send Hammo a fake Valentine's card?

Like me da did to Becky!

-If he thought he had a secret admirer...

-He'd give less detention!

Roy, Roy, what's going on with your face?

Oh. Hi, Sinead.

Hey, guys, happy Valentine's Day!

I got the most ginormous card, and a teddy and this new perfume.

It's from Paris. It's called Eau De Toilette.

Well, if it isn't the losers.

-How many Valentine's presents did you get?

-None of your business.

That means none. Don't worry, I'll share mine with you...not!

Kathy, Valentine's presents don't count if they're from your da.

Now, now, Sinead. They weren't from her da.

They were from her ma

-AND her da.

-THEY LAUGH

You better not mess with me, or else!

-BELL RINGS

-Saved by the bell.

Roy, are you all right?

-I've never seen him that colour before.

-What just happened?

It's a commonly used device in love stories that initially

the two characters are complete opposites.

Can anyone give me an example?

Beauty and The Beast?

Yes, that's an excellent one, Sinead.

Now, I want you all to split into pairs for a fun exercise.

Sinead, you can go and sit beside Jack.

-Kathy, you go and sit beside Roy.

-Do I have to, Miss?

Yes. Chop, chop.

Now, I want you all to come up with two characters

which are complete opposites.

Then we will put them in a story and make them fall in love - forever!

Now, remember in some extreme cases, true love can cause dizziness,

love sickness, and even fainting.

But, like Beauty and The Beast, it doesn't take long

before the two characters finally realise

they were meant for each other.

What's wrong with you?

Miss, miss?

Miss, is there anything you can do to avoid falling in love?

Love is not something to be taken lightly.

Cupid's arrow can strike where you least expect it, Roy.

Ah, Miss Sheringham, can I have a word, please?

I was just wondering if you had any plans for this evening.

Big date? Romantic dinner and what not?

No, just me, these corrections and maybe a DVD. Why?

That's absolutely brilliant. Hey, you!

Stop that! That's not what a brush is to be used for.

Right, I'll speak to you later, then.

This is great news for me that Miss Sheringham is romantically

at a loose end tonight,

because I have just the thing that's going to cheer her up.

Tonight's big competition.

I've officially invited her to join my Brain Busters team...

..'Hammond's Sandwiches'

Last year we came second,

unfortunately we let ourselves down

on a question about a Lady Gaggle or Lady Gaga,

or such mumbo jumbo

which is why it's so great to have young blood involved.

Excuse me for a second.

A principal's job is never done.

Keep it down, you lot! Why aren't you in class? Huh?

It's break time, sir.

Break time!

Break time! Right, I better get a move on,

otherwise there'll be no biscuits left in the staff room.

This has to work - I've never seen Hammo this cross.

Well, not for a while anyway.

OK, Let's start off with a poem.

Maybe we shouldn't, love isn't something to be taken lightly.

But we're doing him a favour, It'll cheer him up.

OK, how about this?

"Roses are red...

"..Lips are too...

"..Come on a date with me...

-"..Cos I love you!"

-Aww, brilliant!

Way too juvenile. Hammond will know that's not from a real adult.

How about this?

"Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?

"Thou art more lovely and more temperate."

-Brilliant! Where did that come from?

-Shakespeare. Sonnet number 18.

We just learnt it in English.

Keep going.

"Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May

"And summer's sun..."

..And summer's sun glistens on your baldy head."

THEY LAUGH

-What are you up to?

-Get lost, Kathy!

You're pathetic.

-Roy, Roy, did you do it?

-Yep.

Everything all right?

Listen, lads, I have something to tell you

and it has to remain top secret.

It cannot leave this group. Promise?

-Yeah.

-Defo.

-Sure.

I think I might be in love with Kathy!

ALL: You're in love with Kathy?!

Shush! It's just every time I'm around her I feel all woozy...

and you heard what Miss Sheringham said!

A lot of the world's greatest love stories

begin with the two characters hating each other.

Just one question - who's beauty and who's the beast?

It's not funny!

I just don't get it, how can Roy be in love with Kathy?

What do you mean Roy's in love with me?

I didn't say Roy, I said...

How stupid do you think I am? I'll find out for myself!

Maybe you should ask Sinead? Get a girl's opinion.

No! there's no way Sinead will ever, ever find out about this.

Is it true, Roy? That you're in love with Kathy?

-How do you know?

-So it is true.

Well, you better watch out, Roy, because Kathy's looking for you.

I'm not scared of Kathy.

-ROY SCREAMS

-There's Kathy!

-Quick! Hide!

-Roy O'Brien, I know you're behind that pole.

-No, I'm not!

She there? Yeah, she's there.

-You're in for it now, cartoon boy.

-Leave him alone, Kathy.

You'd like that, wouldn't you, Sinead?

Well, tough luck. Roy chose me.

So Roy... I accept!

You can take me on a Valentine's date. Carry this.

Maybe opposites do attract.

Maybe.

-Ah, Miss Sheringham, can I have a word?

-Of course.

I don't know if you've had a chance to read my note

I left in your pigeonhole, earlier...?

That was YOU?

Yes, it was, and now that you've let the proverbial cat out of the bag

I know you don't have another date tonight.

So I won't take "no" for an answer.

But what will people think? The other staff?

I don't think it's a good idea.

Oh, couldn't agree more,

We don't want people to think I'm playing favourites by picking you.

-So let's just keep things to ourselves, yes.

-But...

Great! So shall we say 8pm at The Fun Centre?

The Fun Centre?!

And Miss Sheringham,

if things go well tonight, you can expect further invites.

-More?

-A little.

I can never resist any of your delicious cooking, Nora.

Ever the charmer, Denis!

-I'll pop over with a slice of apple tart when it's ready.

-Thanks, Nora.

You better stay away from my Roy.

Listen to you, "my Roy". You were sworn enemies, like, two hours ago.

That's jealousy talking.

The usual?

Do you know what, Nora? I think I'm going to have triple portions today.

-Too much?

-Hey, no skipping!

I'm with Roy. Isn't that right, Roy?

I think I've just lost my appetite.

How are you, Roy?

I know what that means! Someone's in love!

How did you know!?

Everyone loses their appetite when they're in love, son!

Dad, when you first met mam,

how did you know that she was the one?

Your mam? Let me see, now.

When we were in school we were in different gangs.

You know, I suppose you could say we were complete opposites.

There was a time, actually, when we were sworn enemies.

But you were never afraid of her, were you?

Afraid? No, not at all.

Don't creep up on me like that.

The shower needs to be unblocked, again.

Was Mum ever bossy?

Bossy? No, no that's one the thing, now, I can swear your mother...

-Bill, now, please!

-I'm coming, love!

Don't be in too much of a rush to get into a relationship, Roy.

There's plenty of time for that.

-Yeah, you're right.

-Good lad.

How am I going to dump Kathy?

Becky, can I talk to you?

Sure, bro!

What's going on?

Seriously, what's wrong with your face, is that a smile?

What do you want, Roy?

I need your help!

Go on.

There's a girl in school, it's a long story

but I want to break up with her. But I don't know how!

Then I thought to myself - Becky!

You've been dumped by loads of fellas before,

so you must have loads of tips!

Woah!

Charming!

Ah, go easy, Roy.

You'll have to tell me where I'm going. How do I know what to wear?

What you're wearing is fine, love.

Ah, Bill, it's a dressing gown!

Ah, there he is! Are you all right, love?

All set, brain working, is it?

Ready as it will ever be?

Are you ready for our double date?

It's not what you think, love. It's going to be loads of fun, I promise.

That's a lovely outfit, Maura.

Hey, Roy, any idea where the remote control is?

Grandad, I need your help!

Go on.

What's the best way to break up with a girl?

Ha! Do you think if I knew that I'd have married your granny?

Don't mind him, Roy. He begged me to marry him.

Chased me for months. I was worn out in the end.

Right, ready to go?

Don't worry son, it'll work itself out. These things always do.

I'm going to need reinforcements.

Welcome to operation break-up with Kathy.

So far I've come up with

Zilch! We have to start thinking.

What if you were really nice to Kathy.

Too nice. Annoyingly nice.

Talk about the future, getting married and that kinda stuff.

Sure to frighten her off.

That might just be crazy enough to actually work.

How are you, Kathy? I just want to say

that my feelings for you are...

are upside-down. No, back to front.

Something about getting married as soon as...

Ya sap!

No, no, no, not at all, not you Kathy, no!

I can't read that one!

Huh?

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, Kathy, I'll, I'll see you at seven at your house, yeah?

OK, bye!

Muppet!

Just tell her the truth.

That you made a mistake and you'd prefer to be friends with her.

Sounds very risky.

Cheers, thanks.

Come on, Roy, you can do this, you can do this.

Let's do it, come on!

How are you? Your mam let me in.

Punctual. I like that.

Listen, we need to talk.

I know! Did you see how jealous Sinead was earlier?

No, not that.

I know who would have thought it, me and you. BFFs.

Yeah, well, about that.

Wait! I haven't showed you my kickboxing trophies!

That was first prize in the under seven "kick 'ems".

And that's my blue belt, which I got when I was eight.

Anyway, sorry, you wanted to say something?

No, eh. Are you ready?

Maybe next week we could go to the disco.

Let's just see how tonight goes, yeah?

A Brain Buster competition? Seriously, Bill?

-For Valentine's Day?

-Look, I know love, I know.

But listen, after doing my research,

it turns out that the prize for the winner

is a romantic weekend away for two.

Rose and Petey have said they'd baby-sit,

so all we need to do is win this thing!

Is that Roy over there?

Do you know any other cartoon boys? He's out with his mates.

He mentioned that. We'll go over and say hello.

No, Maura. The last thing he wants now is his mam going over

and embarrassing him.

We can keep our eye on him from here.

Now, look. Here's the lucky pen. Lovely, better safe than sorry.

Ah, Miss Sheringham, you're late,

but seeing as it's your first night, I'll turn a blind eye.

You could have told me he was going to be here.

What?

OK, folks, it's time for the annual battle of the brains.

Now we've got ten rounds with ten questions

and lots of smashing prizes to be won.

What happened?

Kick boxing. Blue belt! That's what happened!

What am I going to do now?

Why don't you be really, really mean to Kathy?

Then eventually she's going to have to break up with you!

Yeah, but these feelings I have for Kathy, they just won't go away,

I can't hide them!

Then stop seeing her seeing her, then they'll go away.

You think?

Definitely! Now, get over there and be mean her.

With pleasure!

Roy, where were you?

How about you mind your own business? Huh? Eh?

Out in front we've got Hammond's Sandwiches,

but sniffing down their necks like a bunch of sniffy dogs,

it's Bill's Bamboozlers.

Aw, yes! Goal! five-nil!

Take that, loser!

I never saw this competitive side to you. I like it!

You like it?

Which pop band had a number one hit

in 1982

with the song Come On Eileen?

Come on, come on!

I wasn't even born then!

That's no excuse!

Dexy's Midnight Runners.

Yes! Many a late night we spent dancing to that one, Bill!

D, E. It's an "E".

D, E. Sorry. D-E-X.

Going to look up the answer on your phone?

Good move, Miss Sheringham.

No, I think it's probably best if I go home.

Go home?! But we haven't finished yet!

I don't think this is working out.

Miss Sheringham, I didn't have you pegged for a defeatist.

-Not the quiz. Our date.

-What date?

You put this in my pigeonhole.

I most certainly did not!

But you said you put something in my pigeonhole.

Yes, an invite for tonight. Purely platonic, mind you.

Really?

That's a relief!

Yes, well. Don't look that relieved.

We still have a competition to win, remember.

Question four: "Shall I compare thee to a Summer's day"

is the first line of which of Shakespeare's sonnets?

Sonnet number 18.

Shhh!

Roy, I have something to tell you.

I only agreed to go out with you

because I loved how jealous it made Sinead.

Really? Sinead? Jealous?

But now, I'm beginning to like this other side to you.

So, tomorrow we'll officially announce that you're my boyfriend!

Roy! You klutz!

LAUGHTER

Which planet, that's PLANET,

is furthest away from the sun?

I haven't a clue.

-Pluto.

-Definitely.

Is it?

I'm pretty sure it's Venus.

A minute ago you said it was the moon.

That took ages to wash off!

And you better hope this stain comes out of my T-shirt!

Wait a second, something's different.

I feel normal again.

What are you going on about!?

I'm not in love with you!

I was just allergic to your perfume!

Yes! This is brilliant! Yes! I don't love Kathy!

Easy there, Kathy.

We can still be friends...maybe.

Nobody humiliates me and gets away with it, O'Brien!

Folks, we have a draw for first place

between Hammond's Sandwiches and Bill's Bamboozlers.

So it's time for a tie-breaker.

Would one member from each team please join us?

-No, I'm the captain!

-Ah, let her.

The category is Sport.

The first person to give me the right answer wins. Understand?

You can't run forever!

Want to bet?

Complete the title of the popular football comic -

Blank Of The Rovers?

Let me go!

Roy!

Correct!

Aaaah! Whoa!

-Me remote control! Look.

-Sorry, Dad.

You're not getting away with it that easy!

Get lost, Kathy! Are you OK?

Yeah, well, you better stay away from me, Roy!

With pleasure! Now beat it!

Well done, Roy, that was so cool!

Bit late to be out on a school night, you lot!

Hard luck, Derek.

So, the winners are Bill's Bamboozlers!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

would the captain of that team like to come up to receive their prize?

Certainly! Excuse me.

That was a bit of fun, wasn't it?.

-Congratulations.

-Thank you very much.

And do you have someone to bring on the romantic weekend?

Yes, yes I certainly do. My darling wife, Maura.

She's over there, look.

APPLAUSE

I must say,

you're taking the breaking of the remote control very well.

Well, we wouldn't have won if Roy hadn't rolled in.

Anyway, I found a very good replacement

for the old remote control.

Roy! Change the channel, will you?

Yeah. No, no. Go back, back. Back one!

It's the same handwriting!

What now, love?

Aaaah!

What are you doing?!

Is this your handwriting?!

No! Tommy wrote them.

Did you send me this Valentine's card?!

Tommy?!

Yeah.

This is really hard.

After seeing what Roy went through today,

I just don't think I'm ready for a relationship.

Sorry, Becky.

LAUGHTER

Becky got dumped by Tommy!

Ha-ha! Priceless!

Which city hosted the Euro '88 match between Ireland and England?

How about politics? Who was the first president of Argentina?

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd.