Magical Roy ROY

'This is the story of Roy O'Brien.

'He lives in an ordinary house, on an ordinary street.

'the only trouble is, he doesn't LOOK very ordinary.

'All Roy really wants is to fit in.

'But it's very hard to stay out of trouble

'when you're a cartoon!'

Ro-o-oy!

Ro-o-oy!

Roy!

ROY!

He-he!

'It's Sunday morning,

'and in the O'Brien household it's business as usual.'

-Morning, sweetness.

-Aw, Billy boy.

-Ah, look.

-Breakfast in bed.

-There ya are, chicken.

-Mmmm.

Fresh orange juice.

I squeezed it myself.

What a treat.

I'm off carbs but, hmm, no matter.

-Egg perfect.

-Ah, yeah.

Even better with a minute longer.

Anything else?

Erm... Papers would have topped it off, but don't go out especially.

No, I won't, I was going anyway.

When's it my turn?

In a sec, Roy. Right, well, I'm going to do a kickflip.

Kickflips are for girls. I'm doing a twist'n'spin.

Roy, we need to make a ramp.

And, Bill, don't forget the supplements.

Don't forget the supplements, no.

And especially Fashion. They left it out last week.

Fashion, aw, yeah, Fashion.

Put them on an angle. Move that box.

-Morning, Bill.

-Morning, Mr O'Brien.

-Morning.

Just going to the shops, Roy. Listen, you haven't seen the, er...

-Ah, very... Listen, be careful with that, will ye?

-Yeah.

I've got a big pile of shirts

waiting for somebody when they get up.

-Dad.

-What?

Pyjamas.

I know, yeah.

MAURA: Ah, Bill, it's only 50 yards.

Jack, you said I could have a go.

-I just don't think you can do it, Roy.

-You're out of your depth.

Out of me depth? Oh, yeah? Yeah, well, I'll show you, yeah.

Go on, then.

This is going to be gas.

Roy, just push. Like this.

OK.

Slow down.

Whoa!

He's doing a rock'n'roll.

No, he's doing a bomb drop.

I can't stop!

-What's he doing now?

-I don't think they've got a name for it.

-Watch out!

-Your dad's car!

-Whoaaaa!

Ah!

Look, Roy, it was an accident.

-Me back.

-Your dad will understand, won't he?

Yeah, I suppose.

Look, Roy, I'd better be getting home.

Yeah...me too.

It, er, It could have happened to anyone.

Well, nearly anyone.

OK.

Oh! Car!

That's a big bump.

ROY WHIMPERS

You OK, son?

I just had an accident.

An accident?

I didn't mean to...

I-I-I was trying to loop the loop, ya know? It's my dad's car.

-He's going to hit the roof when he sees it.

-So, er...

your dad's out, is he?

Yeah, he's just gone across to the shops.

Ah. Let's have a gander at it. Mightn't be as bad as we think.

Just needs a bit of bodywork done, ye know.

Bit of beating out, touching up. Shouldn't cost too much.

You think so?

Then again, that bump's either damaging the engine or the chassis,

you can add another couple of zeros.

HE GULPS

Look, I'd check it for you but, er, a bit pushed for time.

HE CRIES SOFTLY

Right, tell you what I'll do,

I could take it down to the main road and back, ya know,

give it a once-over and check that everything's hunky-dory.

Oh, could you?

I need the keys, though.

Hang on a sec. I think I know where there's a spare set.

Well, so far, so good.

I'll take it down the main road, round the block

-and run it through the gears.

-Cheers.

-Don't go away now, will you?

-No.

TYRES SCREECH

Right, Sport, Travel, Business...

Oh, where's the Fashion, ye...

Say nothing, Bill, say nothing.

Ah, no.

Maura!

Have the cab company got a car they can loan you?

No, they're all driver-owned. What am I going to do, Maura?

-I dunno, call the police.

-Call the police, brilliant, yeah.

Mind you, that's a waste of time, isn't it, huh?

Only after having it re-sprayed, too.

Lovely new stacking system for my CDs. A buckskin lumbar cushion.

After spending a fortune on it. You didn't see anything, no?

-I was in bed.

-What about Roy?

-I don't know, ask him.

Here, hold on for that one, there. Roy, good man, listen.

Did you see anything when you were out playing in the street?

-No, I, er...

-Anything suspicious at all?

-I, er...

-Nah, it doesn't...

Maura, that car puts food on the table. What are we going to do?

Bill, police.

Oh, brilliant. Hello, Bill? Er, police, yeah.

'Ah, no, no, not the telly!'

Not the telly. Anything but the telly.

My favourite telly.

Roy, you're having a nightmare.

What's the matter? What's going on?

HE SIGHS

-Well, you know Dad's car?

-Yes.

I was playing with Jack and Kathy.

-And that's what happened.

-Ouch.

But he seemed like such a nice man.

I bet he did.

How much is a new car?

What?

Well, if I save up and buy Dad a new car,

then I'll be able to tell him what happened to his old one.

-Maybe you should try earning some money.

-And how will I earn money?

-Get a Saturday job.

-And how do I do that?

Actually, you could help me out this weekend for a start.

I've got a double-booking.

HE SIGHS

Are you sure it's OK?

She said it's fine. I just said you're hanging with me tonight.

-He's so cute. Hey, Leo.

-Roy, no.

-What?

If he wakes up, I swear, you'll never, ever get him back to sleep.

DOOR CLOSES Right, Mrs Connor's gone.

I'll be back at quarter to six.

So where are you going?

The Mulligans at 23. They pay double.

And they've got a popcorn maker. Have fun, Roy.

THUDDING DANCE MUSIC

MECHANICAL BUZZ

PHONE RINGS

Hello?

Roy, forgot to tell you - remember to leave the phone off the hook.

He can hear it from the bedroom.

LEO CRIES

ROY BLOWS RASPBERRY

LEO MOANS

LEO GIGGLES

-LEO STARTS CRYING AGAIN

-Oh, no. Wait. Hold on. Er...

LEO CONTINUES TO CRY

Roy?

Roy?

MUSIC BOX PLAYS AS ROY SNORES

I don't think I'm cut out for babysitting, Sinead.

Have you tried dog-walking?

-DOGS BARK

-Snappy, Ela, Marley, no. Ah, don't.

I'm warning you, Kute. Stop!

I don't think I'm cut out for dog-walking.

Mr Keating always needs help with his garden.

I don't know much about gardens. Is it difficult?

Just aim the nozzle the compost.

-ENGINE REVS

-Roy? Roy?

You OK, Roy?

These little jobs - they're a waste of time, they're boring

and you get peanuts. You need to think big.

Like what?

You know, play the stock exchange. Become a football agent.

Start up a low-cost airli... Oh, no!

It's my sister's birthday. Ya coming in?

I think I'll go home. I'm never going to make any money.

I think it's time I told my dad.

Just for five minutes.

She had this guy last year - he's a real lame-o.

-You could do with some cheering up.

-All right, five minutes.

I can't hear ye.

-ALL:

-Nicky nacky nocky noo!

He can't do it.

Did somebody say something?

Where's the bird? There aren't any birds.

-See what I mean?

-Yeah.

Let's hear it one more time.

LAUGHTER

Hello?

Oh. It's a cartoon boy. Big deal.

Well, just don't stand there. Go and take a seat.

Let's try it one more time.

-ALL:

-Nicky nacky nocky noo.

THUD!

CHEERING AND LAUGHTER

Hey, Roy, they like you.

Are you trying to take over?

Do it again.

No. Magic's over.

It's disco time.

Everybody up, everybody up, disco time, children, yes.

DANCE MUSIC PLAYS

You, bird, are a waste of space.

SQUAWK!

Sorry about that, I had to go to the ATM on Dooley Street.

I didn't know you only took cash.

Mum, we're bored.

OK, let's find the party bags.

Never again.

MUSIC STOPS

Did you see how much money he made?

-I know.

-Come on, this could be your big break.

PHONE RINGS

We want more magic.

Ask him.

No, sorry, booked solid till November.

-Excuse me, Mister.

-Mm?

You know that bit with the birds when you accidentally hit my friend?

Yes, I'd be grateful in future if you'd keep...

We've got a proposition.

Mmm, a proposition?

Do you need help with your act?

Me? Help with my act?

Magical Mickey? Ballyfermot's number one?

Established since 1983?

Well, the kids seemed to like it, didn't they?

Well, they did, didn't they?

What was it now that happened?

I hit you with the...

I think you've got the hang of it.

-Now, what's your name again?

-Roy.

-OK, Boy...

-No, Roy.

Now, there's a hint of talent there.

And if you were to work hard and learn, we might give it a go.

You really mean it?

Come on, Roy, you'll be able to pay your dad back in no time.

-Money problems, Boy?

-I suppose you could say that.

Well, this is a booming business.

And if you come up to scratch

there's no reason why you shouldn't have a little cut.

HE GULPS

But you have to get your dad's permission. Now, here's my card.

You ask him to give me a call.

I'm telling ye, I swear that is the same card

-he gave us for Becky's 7th birthday.

-You remember.

How would ye forget?

BOTH: Nicky nacky nocky noo.

Please. He still can't be doing that, Bill.

Look, he's after giving us the full schedule,

all the contact details and all seems above board.

I can't see what harm it is to let Roy have a go at it.

Yes!

Magician's assistant? Wow!

He says I'm going to be his sidekick. Like a kind of double act.

-How much will you make?

-Serious money. You'd have to do

months of dog-walking or paper rounds to match it.

-Hopefully enough so Dad can get his new car.

-When do you start?

This Saturday. I've got bookings for Dunleavy Road,

Walkinstown, and Liffey Park Playcentre.

Liffey Park? Saturday? That's my cousin Keira's party.

-Do you want to come and watch?

-Can I?

-Hey, Roy, no freebies.

No freebies?

-ALL:

-Nicky nacky nocky nooo.

Where are the birds? Have you seen any birds, kids?

-ALL:

-No!

Boy, have you seen any birds?

-ALL:

-Nooo!

You see any birds now?

-ALL:

-Nooo!

Oh, I give up.

-THUD!

-Oh, clumsy me!

CHEERING

And now you're going to help me blow up Boy.

No, it's Roy. Never mind.

Shall I blow up Boy?

-ALL:

-Yeah!

Oh, dear.

Aaah!

ROY BELCHES

And thank you, boys and girls.

THEY CHEER

Thank you.

Now...the magic is over. It's...disco time.

Everybody up. Everybody up.

DANCE MUSIC PLAYS

So, er, what ye think?

Er...

-Kids seemed to love it.

-Yeah, but, are you all right, Roy?

-Yeah, why?

-He kept hitting you.

Ah, it doesn't hurt.

When he blew you up?

Easy. I just held me breath.

Yeah. So how much are you going to get paid, Roy?

I dunno, he hasn't said exactly, but there's always the chance...

Yes... Ha-ha. Not bad, Boy.

Still a bit rough round the edges, bit of fine-tuning to do.

It's only week one.

We all clear for next week?

Er, yeah, I suppose.

Er... Er...

Yes, Boy?

Didn't you say you were, er, going to pay me?

Oh, yes, you did well.

Five parties the first day.

Here's your 20.

From which I'll need this.

The cost of the new props.

And this.

The costume.

And this...for lunch allowance.

-At least I got a fiver. In my last job...

-And this.

For transport, seeing as your dad's without wheels right now.

Pick you up same time again next week, huh?

What?

HE SIGHS

'It's one week later, and Roy has a busy day ahead.'

..at 12:00, statutory quick break for lunch at 1:00,

then we have a 2:00, a 3:15, finishing with a bang at 4:00 -

the daughter of the Mayor of Ballyfermot, no less.

-Wow!

-Big mansion, garden as big as Alaska.

-Ah, go way.

-Children of VIPs.

-Fantastic.

Should raise the profile.

If you can just sign the release form here.

-Now, there we are.

-Thanks very much.

It seems to be a very busy day for him, yeah.

-Boy's doing OK - hanging in there, aren't you?

-Yeah.

-Best of luck now son.

-Good luck, love. See yous.

-Cheerio.

-PHONE RINGS

-I'll get that.

You stay were ya are, yeah.

You know what, no, you're great. Fair play to ya.

What's going on?

Hang on a second, Frank. Frank at the office.

They felt sorry about me car so they had a whip round

and got me tickets to the United match. It'll be a treat for Roy.

Dad, Roy keeps a diary now. You'd better check it first.

I will. Yeah, good man, Frank.

All right, talk to ye later. Bye. Ho-ho-ho!

Look at this. Look. Look. This is taking over his whole life.

I mean, he's only a kid. Saturdays are supposed to be for fun.

No, no, no, I'm going to put a stop to this right now.

-Dad.

-What?

-I've got something to tell you.

-What?

'It's been a long, hard day for Roy. But there's one last show to go.

'The Lord Major Of Ballyfermot's house, no less.'

Five down and one to go.

Now, if you bring the gear in, Boy, I'll sort out the paperwork.

Chop-chop, Boy. We're on in a minute.

-Chop-chop, Boy.

-I'm coming.

Why didn't you tell me? Why didn't HE tell me?

-He was scared.

-Scared? What, of me? I'm not scary.

Did you see yourself that day? You were like a bear with a headache.

PHONE RINGS

Well, he shouldn't have to give up his Saturdays to go and work for me.

That's crazy. I'm going to get him.

-What's my taxi number again?

-Dad.

-Huh?

-It's the police.

Hello.

I can't hear you.

-ALL:

-Nicky nacky nocky noo.

Nicky nacky nocky noo!

HARD THUD

AUDIENCE GROWN

Nicky nacky nocky noo!

HARDER THUD

What's going on, Boy? Where are the birds?

I think we've done it so many times I'm getting used to it.

HE BLOWS

Talk among yourselves.

Come on, Boy, last chance. We can't let the boys and girls down.

I'm sorry, I'm just feeling a bit tired.

Maybe your blood sugar's low.

-Drink that.

-What is it?

Energy drink. Go on, Boy. Down the hatch.

Whoa!

OK, Boy, that's enough.

I can't stop.

Aaah!

ROY BELCHES

SCREAMING

THEY SCREAM

Never work with animals, children

or cartoons.

Thank you. I take cash only.

Come again?

Marquee damage.

Lawn re-turfing.

Dry cleaning.

-ROY BELCHES

-Pardon.

Hear that, Boy? That's coming out of your takings next week.

Here, his name is Roy.

Dad!

And there won't be any next week.

Come on, son. We're going home. And, here, that's yours, I believe.

Come on.

Oh, and my officers will be contacting you, by the way.

-What?

-From Health & Safety.

Ah, look, we had five parties today, and this is the first...

Five? In one day? Oh, then I guess I'd better get on to my solicitor

about child employment regulations.

I just wish you'd told me, ya know.

Sorry, Dad.

Never, ever feel you can't come to me or your ma

when something's wrong.

-The sooner you talk about it, the sooner it gets sorted out. OK?

-OK.

I mean, if I'd known you were giving up all your Saturdays...

I wanted to try and get some money for you.

Becky said it'd take ages for you to get another car.

I know, well...

We'll just have to make do with the bus in the meantime, won't we?

Wait! The car! You got it back!

Yeah, yeah, got a call from the police.

They found it at some second-hand dealership in Havenbrook.

Gang of carjackers doing the rounds, they bring them in,

-they re-spray, they change the plates and...

-And I fell for it.

Yeah, well, at least we got our Saturdays back, huh, son?

Let's keep this between ourselves, huh?

By the way... how much did you make in the end?

Well, er...

You got nothing?

See, I think I trust people too easily.

No, no, no, Roy, better that than not trusting them at all.

Now, if the world did that, we might as well shut up shop, huh?

You see, the human race, well,

they're generally a decent bunch of people, you know.

You shouldn't be put off now

-by one or two people who take advantage, huh?

-Yeah.

You know my old saying, son.

BOTH: What goes around, comes around.

Good lad.

It was here. I parked it here!

HE WAILS

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd