50ft Roy ROY

'This is the story of Roy O'Brien.

'He lives in an ordinary house on an ordinary street.

'The only trouble is he doesn't look very ordinary.

All Roy really wants is to fit in but it's very hard to stay

out of trouble when you're a cartoon.

Roy!

Roy!

Roy!

'Roy and his classmates have gone science crazy as they prepare

'their entries for the National Junior Scientist competition.'

As a young man of 11 years of age I myself was

a finalist at the Junior Science Competition.

No, I might have been 12. Hang on a sec...

-No, 11. I was definitely, definitely 11.

-Sir, get on with it!

Sorry.

My robot cat inspired by Dr Who's robot dog. Anyone? K-9.

We came second that year.

The winner was a young girl from Athlone who had invented

an early version of what later became known as the Internet.

Which it turned out had already been invented.

I hold no bitterness however.

There's a lot to be said for being the bigger person.

Sir, I have a question.

Of course you do, Declan.

Do you have a girlfriend, sir? And does she know about your robot cat?

No, no comment. I mean, stop being cheeky.

Go make stuff.

We are all very excited about the Junior Scientist Competition.

That said, I should mention Sandyford Progressive Learning is

a non-competitive school. We don't believe in competition.

We believe in learning for learning's sake.

That said, go Sandyford! Woo-hoo!

Don't listen to her.

Life is a competition and there are no prizes for second place.

It's a dog-eat-dog world out there

and the sooner these children know that, the better.

I didn't get to become... vice-principal of one of the top five

schools in the greater Dublin area by being non-competitive,

let me tell you that.

We will destroy our rivals, we will do what ever it takes to crush them.

When I'm in charge, we will...

We will do our best to win,

our sporting best. Isn't that right, Miss Jervis?

Ah, but it's not about the winning, it is all about the taking part.

-Don't you agree, Derek?

-Oh, absolutely, Miss Jervis.

Couldn't agree with you more.

For my junior scientist experiment I am putting

-the theory of elasticity to the test. Everything OK, Roy?

-Yeah!

-Come on, you too. My nanny can pull harder than that.

-Oh, yeah?

CLANK!

BANG!

CLANK!

Roy!

Oh, dear.

'Tara isn't the only classmate availing of Roy's many talents.'

For my junior scientist experiment I may have discovered

a solution to the global energy crisis.

All Roy has to do is keep spinning just another minute.

Duck for cover, everyone!

Have mercy, O'Brien! Have mercy!

'One person definitely not availing of Roy's services is Deco.

I can pretty much guarantee that my project is going to win

the Junior Scientist Competition before making me rich and famous.

I'm not bothered, though.

Scientists are nerds.

Science is mostly for nerds.

So, anyway, I'll call it the Green Grow formula.

One single drop of this can turn your garden into a jungle paradise.

It works well with the vegetable crops too.

So, here's a few samples I have from earlier.

Any further questions, anyone? No? OK.

Well, you are all doing a great job. Don't forget, however,

all junior scientist entries must be in first thing tomorrow. No excuses.

Did he say tomorrow? Oh, no.

-My ball.

-Correction. That WAS your ball.

-GIRL:

-He always picks on little kids.

-Yeah, somebody should do something.

You're right. If only everybody was as brave as you are, Roy.

Now wait a minute...

All right. Here goes nothing.

This might be his finest hour.

LAUGHTER

-So?

-He said he will definitely think about it.

Go on back to your little girlfriend, O'Brien.

Are you going to let him away with that?

Always be the bigger person, that's what I say. Nice try, Roy.

-Just so you know, we were ready to jump in there.

-No, we weren't.

BOING

BOING

BOING

-Roy, can you keep it down?

-Some of us are trying to work.

-Sorry, lads.

Just thinking. I still haven't got a project.

He thinks he's so amazing and that he can do anything he wants.

Someone needs to teach him a lesson.

Imagine if Roy won the Junior Scientist Competition,

-Deco would be sick.

-Yeah, I don't think that's going to happen.

I haven't got an idea, never mind a project.

What if you can make your own Green Grow formula,

that way you could out-Deco Deco.

Great idea, but Roy doesn't have a Green Grow formula, does he?

No. But Deco does.

What if we were to borrow the formula and make it even better.

I can see it from here on his desk.

Isn't that stealing?

Is it really, though? Think about it.

All we're doing is taking his ball away from him for a bit.

Let's see how he likes it.

-All right, Deco.

-What do you want?

-Relax, I thought I'd ask if you need any help.

-Help? Off you?

No way. I don't want any loser getting in on my project.

Suit yourself. Later.

Where's Roy?

-How did you do that?

-Simple. I'm a genius.

-So, did you get it?

A lot of elasticity. I hope it washes off.

BELL RINGS

Got to go. Science calls.

'Roy has been in his bedroom for approximately five hours.'

What's he doing in there?

-Everything all right there, Becky?

-Dad, don't jump up on me like that.

Have you nothing better to do than stand there spying on your brother?

I'm not spying on him. I was checking if he was OK.

I'm sure he is grand. Go on, toddle along, there's a good girl.

Come here. I want to show you something.

Mind your foot on that... I have to fix that at some stage. Shush.

Are you all right, love? Yeah, brilliant.

See that?

Third place at the first young scientist competition back in 19...

So, I guess Roy doesn't pick it up off the floor, does he?

-I still do a bit of inventing in my spare time.

-Don't get him started.

Yeah, I had the original idea for the first pump action

toothpaste dispenser.

Cookie dough ice cream, that was me.

You're welcome.

I also developed an early version of Twitter.

Using real birds.

I bought Roy a science kit

so I thought he might follow in the family footsteps, you know.

-Every girl loves a science geek, don't they, love?

-Oh, yeah.

Third.

Right, I've done everything that it said

in Deco's original Green Grow formula.

Plus a few Roy touches.

Mwah ha-ha! Mwah ha-ha! MWAH HA-HA!

-Roy!

-Sorry, Bex.

Sisters, eh?

Stand back, everybody.

But I've done everything that it said.

Now what am I going to do?

Mr Lucey's going to be really angry, or even worse,

really disappointed.

Please, that's it.

Please.

Whoa!

Oh, deadly!

The magic word works. Da!

I'm a genius!

I'll call it Jumbo Juice. Please.

Whoa!

Nice one, Roy. What's the secret?

I don't know. Use the magic word.

He stole my Green Grow formula.

That's a very serious accusation, Declan.

Especially when your Green Grow formula is rubbish.

No way, get your own.

THEY SCREAM

I'm feeling a bit peculiar!

O'Brien! Enough is enough. This time you are in big trouble.

I think I can see my house from up here.

-Stop growing this instant, O'Brien. Do you hear me?

-Sorry, sir.

-I can't help it.

-Right, that's it. I'm calling your parents.

But sir, it's not my fault.

ROY CRIES

Roy!

THEY LAUGH

Calm down, Mr Hammond. What you mean, Roy is in big trouble?

Is that your lad, Maura?

Looks like he's having a bit of a growth spurt.

You can say that again!

Looks like he's having a bit of a growth spurt.

Both Mrs O'Brien and I have agreed Roy should stay put

-while we find a solution.

-Of course, if I was principal...

But you are not, Derek. I am. My decision is final.

We'll see.

I beg your pardon?

Um... I said feel free!

I feel free.

I've rewired the PA system

so you'll be able to hear everything going on in class. And don't worry,

great scientific discoveries always come with the odd hiccup.

You should be very proud of yourself.

I'll just get my book, sir.

-Sir!

-Roy, stop moving your arm!

BELL RINGS

OK, class. Quiet down.

It pains me to say this but we had to send Roy home

for the rest of the day for everyone's safety.

Some people will do anything for a bit of attention, miss.

That's quite enough, Declan.

Mr Lucey assures me that he will find a swift solution to the situation,

not that we have a situation.

I hope he's all right walking home on his own from school.

-It's not him I'm worried about, love.

-Be nice, you.

Roy is probably feeling a bit sensitive,

promise me you won't say anything.

I promise I won't say a word.

All right, ma? All right, da?

HE LAUGHS

-It's Royzilla.

-Bill! Ignore him, love.

-Sorry, son.

Couldn't help meself.

GURGLING SOUND

What's that sound?

-Me tummy. I'm absolutely starving.

-I'll fix you a snack, love.

You stay where you are, son. We'll call the takeaway.

And listen, don't step on next door's cat.

If you squash Tiddles we'll never hear the end of it.

Sh! Come on.

What if he stays like that for ever?

We'll have to build an extension. We can't afford an extension.

-He's still my little baby.

-Will you take a few deep breaths?

Roy will be grand and Lucey said he's going to drop in after school.

He'll sort something out. And don't forget,

I'm still a bit of a whiz when it comes to all things science.

-Bill, no.

-It wasn't my fault that shed exploded.

-Sometimes things happen.

-CAT MEOWS

Sorry. Here, Tiddles.

I'm going to move on with this food, love.

Lovely stuff.

Is there any dessert?

I'll have a look.

Your man! Ah!

Roy, you're sure this is the entire list of components

for your Jumbo Juice formula?

Absolutely.

Strange, that.

Deco used a lot of these ingredients in his Green Grow formula.

Oh, really?

What a coincidence. Great minds, eh?

The only difference of course is that your formula works and his doesn't.

I'll get to work on an antidote right away.

-Yeah, I'd hurry up if I were you.

-Why is that?

Because, Bill, by my calculations, Roy is still growing - and fast.

If he gets any bigger he's going to develop his own ecosystem.

There's already birds trying to nest in his hair.

What's wrong, son?

HE BURPS

BIRDS SQUAWK

Pardon. Better out than in, eh?

No, not in that case, pal. No.

'To give everyone space, Bill has brought Roy to the park where

'he has arranged to meet his friends.'

-Hey, Roy.

-What's the story, lads?

-Hey, Mr O'Brien.

-I see Roy's still a giant.

-Yeah. Well spotted, Sean.

I think the correct terminology is "a person of height".

-Well, there's no more arguing who's tallest in the class any more.

-No.

Is that Deco over there?

Typical.

-Right, who fancies an ice cream, my treat?

-BOTH: Yes, please.

99 all round, I think. And 199 for you, Roy. Be back in a jiffy.

-How's the weather up there, Roy?

-I hate it.

I told him I'd be cool but I'm starving all the time.

I can't get into me bedroom.

Everyone's looking at me even funnier than usual.

The neighbour's cat is having panic attacks.

And me ma's fed up with me.

This is all Deco's fault. It's payback time.

We're in.

-Did you see that old woman's face?

-Totally lost. Classic Deco.

HEAVY FOOTSTEPS

Do you hear that?

Let's go.

I'm bored.

It's a monster!

THEY SCREAM

THEY LAUGH

That twig won't help you, Deco.

We're not afraid of you, O'Brien. OK, we're a bit afraid.

Maybe you should help me with me new junior scientist experiment.

-Testing the laws of gravity.

-No.

-Put me down or I'll...

-Or you'll what?

-Or I'll ask you again nicely.

-Please put me down.

-That wasn't so bad, was it?

Now buzz off before I use you to clean the wax out of me ears.

-Did you see their faces? Hilarious.

-I nearly wet myself.

-Nearly.

-This isn't over, O'Brien.

-I'd tell your little girlfriend Tara to watch her back, too.

-Oh, yeah?

Both of you pull my finger.

-What?

-You heard me, pull my finger.

One, two, three, pull.

HE BREAKS WIND

That's nasty.

Wait a minute. Roy had beans for lunch.

A lot of beans.

-What did Roy's text say?

-He just said to meet him here.

Oh, stinky.

-What's up with Deco?

-What happened to you guys?

-Hey, girls.

You just missed the funniest thing ever.

-Roy is a total legend.

-What's going on?

'Tara has been telling Roy off for approximately 12 minutes

'and 32 seconds.'

-Maybe you should be the bigger person, Roy.

-Bigger person?

How much bigger do you want me to get? We were only having a laugh.

Is that so? Doesn't sound very funny to me.

They're bullies, you said so yourself.

That doesn't mean you have to lower yourself to their level.

I'm very disappointed.

-Don't say that. That's the worst.

-I said it and I meant it.

If you put half as much effort into finding that antidote,

you'd already be back to normal.

There yous are.

-Sorry to interrupt.

-That's all right, Mr O'Brien. We were just leaving.

Where did you all disappear to? The ice creams were all melting.

'The next morning, supersize Roy is back at school where Mr Lucey

'has spent all night working on an antidote to Roy's Jumbo Juice.'

I promised Roy that I wouldn't sleep until I found a solution.

Sorry.

What was the question again?

-I just wanted to say sorry.

-Sorry, are you talking to me?

I was bang out of order in the park yesterday.

-You were right and I was wrong.

-It's not about that. It's just...

-I never thought you were mean.

-I'm not mean, I'm just scared.

What happens if I keep getting bigger and bigger?

-I don't like being called Royzilla.

-Relax, Roy. Everything will be fine.

Wait and see. You were there for us, now we're here for you.

-Thanks.

-Even if you are a big eejit.

We've put our junior science entries on hold.

Some things are more important.

If you'll excuse me, I'm making a shrinking potion.

OK.

Ready...aim...fire!

Hey, that tickles.

Come on, Roy.

I'm sorry, Roy.

Not to worry. Thanks for trying, everyone. Sorry for the hassle.

-It's no hassle, Roy.

-You'd do the same for us.

-Whatever.

Can we go inside now?

Roy! On behalf of Sandyford Progressive Learning

I'd like to extend our sympathies

and wish you all the best for the future.

What does that mean?

He can't exactly attend the school if he can't fit inside it, can he?

Let's be realistic.

I wish I'd never entered that stupid Junior Scientist Competition

-in the first place.

-Here we go. Quick!

Don't say that, Roy. You're brilliant.

-I'm very proud of you.

-Don't be.

-I didn't even invent anything.

-Yes, you did.

-No, I didn't.

-Just took Deco's formula instead.

-I knew it. I knew it worked.

I just wanted to teach him a lesson.

-He's the genius.

-I am?

I mean, I am! I am.

But, Deco, how come your formula doesn't work like Roy's?

-What does he mean?

-Of course it works.

-Not really, Deco.

-I just wanted to be cool.

And win the competition and have Tara like me.

And be a scientist like me dad.

I never meant to hurt anyone's feelings.

Not even Deco's and I'm so sorry.

Hang on a second.

-Reload, quickly.

-What are you doing?

-Call it a hunch.

OK, ready...aim...fire!

-It's working.

-It is? It is.

ALL: Roy!

I'm normal again.

Roy, I don't think you'll ever be normal.

I mean that in a good way.

This special junior scientist group award is for...

Project Roy.

Genuine tears of remorse can be a very powerful thing indeed.

Roy came up with his own antidote.

With a lot of help from his friends.

I'm very proud of them. That said, no more magic potions.

Next year we're building robots.

Don't forget. I'm still the genius.

O'Brien said so himself.

I don't know what he did. I'm the genius, not him.

Just you wait and see.

-I'm proud of you, Roy.

-You are? Why?

-You told the truth.

You were the bigger person.

-I was?

-Yeah. Just don't do it again, OK? You had me worried for a bit.

She was worried.

About me.

And to all the other schools who took part in the competition

today, I'd just like to say...

..tough. We win, you lose.

HE LAUGHS

-Derek.

-That said, the real winner today is education.

We're all winners today.