Supersize Roy ROY

'This is the story of Roy O'Brien.

'He lives in an ordinary house on an ordinary street.

'The only trouble is, he doesn't look very ordinary.

'All Roy really wants is to fit in

'but it's very hard to stay out of trouble when you're a cartoon.'

ROY!

ROY!

ROY!

Roy!

'Lunch hour at Sandyford Progressive Learning.

'A time for Roy and his friends to relax

'and enjoy healthy, nutritious meals.'

Hey, get off, these are my sweets.

I shared mine yesterday.

Liquorice doesn't count.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

Oh, whoa!

Sir, look out!

ARGH!

Check out Mr HAM-mond.

THEY LAUGH

See me after school, Hendley.

And we'll see if it's still funny then.

Who brought gobstoppers into my healthy canteen?

ROY!

Er...

do you want one?

'Luckily for Roy, Mr Hammond is distracted.

'He needs the class to choose projects for a new subject

'that Miss Jervis has designed.'

Social studies. Ridiculous makey-uppey nonsense.

It's not even a real subject.

Um, sir, isn't it about making the world a better place?

Is it? Ah, that's good.

Well, any ideas how to make the world a better place?

Sir, sir, you could share the sweets you confiscated from Roy.

Nice try, Declan. Anyway, they're bad for your teeth.

We could do a petition!

Boring!

No way. Get enough people onside and you can change anything.

Anyone else?

Ah, what a surprise!

Roy, how would you make the world a better place?

Aw, chips.

THEY LAUGH

BELL RINGS

I want real project ideas for tomorrow.

Pfft! What's wrong with algebra, I say.

-CRUNCH!

-Oh, ah!

# Figaro, Figaro, Figaro, Figaro. #

Chips.

Coming up, pronto.

Oi! You can't...!

-EARPIECE WHISTLES

-Ow, my ears!

Ciao, Bella!

You can't dish out this junk so close to a school.

Terry Fellini's chips are the best in the country.

Good. I'm starving.

Poor kid. The dinners here must be rotten.

Am I right?

I'm the cook. Cordon Bleu trained.

Sorry, could you speak English?

Chip? Go on.

Best you ever tasted.

Remember your mantra, Carol. Lead by example.

Meal by meal, day by day, choose the healthy eating way.

My body is a temple.

But it's only a...

You've messed with the wrong dinner lady.

-Chips.

-I want that van moved!

-Homework?

-Yep.

Brussels sprouts?

Totally. A petition can change anything.

I'm going to file a complaint immediately.

How about that?

Maybe some causes are too hard, even for you.

"Beat the Batter," that's what I'll call my petition.

She's gone. It's safe to come out.

How many chips can I get for this?

Actually, I'll keep the gobstopper.

Step away from the van, please.

But...

Sorry.

Look at the state of you.

Whoa, whoa, WHOA!

ROY YELLS

Actually, that's not bad. How did you do that?

I dunno.

A whole kilo.

Plus vinegar and mustard and ketchup and mayo and salt.

We'll call it Royster Sauce!

What? I invented it.

After wrecking me van!

Excuse me, I did you a favour.

Now, about the chips... I'll have...

Sorry, kid, but I can't break me own rules. No free chips.

Now, vamoose!

But this won't come off.

What if I work for me chips?

Give us the er, what ya... the spanner-hammer thingy.

-Bill, Bill!

-Yeah.

You wouldn't get us a repair man, would you?

No, no, not at all, love.

In fact you go and spend the call-out charge

on something new for yourself.

I'll have this fixed in a jiffy, love.

Oh, Bill! The bin men are here!

OK.

No, I'll take them out. I'll take them out.

-It'll only smell.

-They're just gone.

Hey, check this out, Ma! I got us all dinner.

I even invented a sauce to go with them.

Roy?

No, Royster!

Seriously. I met this really cool chip guy.

His name's Terry, and he...

Yeah, yeah, that's very good, love.

Do us a favour and throw this in the bin lorry outside?

Do you know what we should do, love?

We should listen to the end of that story, it sounds fascinating.

-Roy, go!

-Back in a sec.

Wasn't a big part anyway.

I'm sure they're easily replaceable.

'It's morning in the O'Brien house,

'and Bill has found a solution to the broken washing machine.'

Hey, Mr O'Brien.

How are you, lads? You missed Roy.

He went to school early.

Now did you see him, or did he just leave a note?

He might be hiding under the bed again.

I said that to Maura. But we checked.

BOTH: Weird.

Recycling, sir?

Eh, no... I tried to save her.

I mean, you know me, lads,

when it comes to appliances, I've got hands like a surgeon.

But sometimes, you just have to let go.

-Can I borrow that?

-Of course you can, Sean,

but you might get someone to give you a hand with it.

It's a bit heavy.

And I'll call my project...

"Fix the machine!"

What does everybody love?

Soccer. I'm sending footballs over to a school in Haiti.

-For my project.

-Nice. But what else?

-Lip gloss?

-Chips.

There's a burger van down the road. I'm going to get it moved.

Boys are so weird.

It's to show that a petition can change anything.

Here we go.

At least I'm trying. What good did lip gloss ever do anyone?

Mine has sunscreen in it.

Check it out! I'll never have to pay for takeaway again!

ROY LAUGHS

Scoot!

BELL RINGS

What's that doing in here?

Oh, well, you've heard of reduce, re-use, recycle.

There's another R that can save the planet.

-Is it me?

-No, Roy.

Roads? Railways? Radiation?

Repair.

Excellent. Well done, Derek.

I knew you had a talent for this subject. Oh, by the way,

the student whose project best sums up my new subject will be rewarded.

At last. Did you hear that, everyone?

Prizes. Real motivation.

Ow!

What's that, Roy?

Oh, it's, er...

Our project, sir. On the evils of advertising.

Yeah!

-Well, you can help wipe it off then, can't you.

-But...

Right now. Advertising is banned, here at SPL.

And you can't use some makey-uppy class to break school rules.

Well, carry on!

Now we'll never show Niall. His petition is so lame.

Come up with a better idea, Roy. What would Miss Jervis do?

I'm tired of thinking.

You haven't even started yet.

I'm done.

Try harder.

Gross!

That's it.

We'll sell the ad space in your head.

But Hammo said that I'm not allowed...

It's called progressive learning for a reason, Roy.

Because it's the name of our school?

Because we learn to think for ourselves.

Just don't let Hammo catch you.

A campaign isn't just about selling our own products.

I need to destroy the competition.

But we all like Carol's food.

Not any more.

That smells like my friend's baby brother.

So?

When his nappy is full. After he's eaten mouldy spinach.

You could always have this...

The kids love my grub.

When I was a kid, I never ate my greens.

I was so unhealthy. But look at me now. Here, feel that.

Go on.

Ciao, Bella.

You're not allowed in here.

You got a loan of some salt?

I never use any.

And you said you were trained at this job.

Do you hear that canteen?

Quiet, contented munching.

No grease, no salt, no...

No customers.

Where is everyone?

Not hungry. Went back to class.

Have you tried using batter?

-Tara?

-Yeah, sure.

What?

At last, a real subject.

Geometry. One of the finest subjects known to...

GURGLING

-Is that washing machine on?

-No, sir.

Ugh...I'm so hungry.

-All right, Terry?

-All right, what can I get you?

I've been helping Roy and we've come for our pay.

Fantastico. You guys have been doing great.

Not so fast.

Do you want a Royster burger on top?

I'm Roy's agent now.

And we won't be getting paid with chips any more.

-Hey, Sean!

-Hey, Niall!

Hey, Tara!

Terry is just the start. I was up all night, sourcing clients.

We've got a nail bar, Kung Fu lessons.

Did you have chips for breakfast?

-HE SNIFFS

-Aw...delicious.

Can you do it or not?

Abby, what's with the strange glasses?

-And that briefcase?

-It's called power dressing.

Remind me. How does your project make the world a BETTER place?

MOBILE RINGS

I feel better. And that's a start.

Terry?

I've never been happier.

You want to double my orders?

That's what I said. Double.

Suckers. I can make them buy anything.

No, not you, Terry.

Got to go. Busy, busy.

NIALL WHISTLES

BELL RINGS

Lunch time.

Come on everyone, keep up! Knees up, that's it.

That's it!

Aw, sir. What's with all the running?

Somebody took all our footballs. But don't you worry.

I'll find out who it is.

But, sir, we have no energy!

Well, luckily I brought my secret weapon.

In my day, the half-time orange

could turn a match from bitter defeat into sweet, sweet victory.

OK, Roy. Now.

Better already, eh?

Wait...

Aw, can't stop, sir. Must have chips!

Argh!

Pull yourself together, Carol. You're such an idiot sometimes.

Niall's right, you can beat this.

If can't do it for yourself, do it for the children.

And if the going gets tough...

..then play dirty.

-Do you want some Royster sauce with that?

-Please.

Awful weather out there, isn't it?

Mamma Mia!

Ah!

HE COUGHS

-You know you have a ninja up there, right?

-What?!

-Sabotage!

-What? I was just...

I thought you might want to borrow it.

I'm very disappointed in you, Bella.

My name is Carol. And these kids need vitamins.

Good idea. My nan swears by cod liver oil.

She's 90 and fit as a...

-In their lunches!

-I think you're jealous.

I've won the Golden Chip Award, four years running.

Being a grease merchant is nothing to brag about.

You're right. My talents are wasted here.

And with bandits like you on the loose, it's not worth the hassle.

I'll move tonight.

That's what happens when you mess with this dinner lady.

Waaaa!

SHE LAUGHS

'Time is running out for Roy

'and his classmates to show how their projects

'can make the world a better place and claim their reward.'

You look happy.

The van's gone. I didn't even need my final signature.

So the petition didn't work, then?

All right, guys, back to class.

I can't wait to see what you've been working on.

It's been the best class ever.

Pfft...

Derek?!

Oh. Oh, ah... It's OK.

It's all right. Eyelash.

-BEEPING

-What on earth?

-Oi!

-Ciao!

I told you to clear off out of it.

And thanks for helping me find a better spot.

Just for you, I'm going to break one of me biggest rules.

Teachers eat for free.

Really?! I mean, really. Bribery. You should be ashamed of yourself.

-Is this a friend of yours?

-Yes.

-No.

You're too close to the school.

-I have a permit.

-Let me see...

Well, this seems to be in order.

Oh, we'll see about that. Come on, Derek.

I'll be with you in a minute.

I'm just checking the fine print. I see you can batter anything.

Absolutely. Come with me.

Still one missing.

Let it rip.

I've brought a mop just in case.

Don't worry. I know what I'm doing.

Smart kids.

Wait till I tell Ma.

Da's been wearing his underpants inside out to save on washing.

Focus, Roy. We can still make more sales.

Just go for it with the burger. And push the nail bar.

Yes, Abby. Burgers.

Good. Now the nails.

A toenail burger?! Gross.!

Roy, those aren't even manicured.

The washing machine is hypnotising him. Turn it off!

You can't stop the cycle.

BURGER GROWLS

That's not good

Aw, he smells like feet.

Chips!

THEY SCREAM

KNOCK ON DOOR Derek?

Er, just a minute.

There seems to be some misunderstanding, Derek. Carol.

Did you tell him he could stay?

Did I? I did. I did warn him to move his van.

Didn't I, Terry?

Well, that's true. But then you were saying about...

Just let's stick to the facts, shall we?

The laptop.

-Oh...

-Is that a battered fish in your laptop, Mr Hammond?

Well spotted. Well spotted, yes. Thanks for reminding me.

I was just about to bring this down to the lab

to get Mr Lucey to test it for grease content.

And Terrence here was to wait till I got the results.

-Weren't you, Terry?

-Er...

SHOUTING

EVERYONE YELLS

BURGER GROWLS

SCREAMING CONTINUES

Make it stop! Make it stop!

I will if you sign my petition. Just one name left.

I don't know how that could help!

Wait, I have a plan!

Chips... Burgers... Nails.

KNOCKING AT DOOR

THEY SCREAM

So this is what you call progressive learning, is it?

Not now Derek! Oh!

I hate to be an, "I told you so!"

I'll never eat chips again!

Wake up, Roy!

ROY SNIFFS THE AIR

What?

I knew you were up to something, O'Brien.

It wasn't my fault.

That's exactly what you'd say if it was.

-It was all...

-It was all Roy's idea.

I knew it.

For me to combine projects with him and Abby.

Er, yeah. To show all the dangers of eating too much junk food.

-And that every signature on a petition counts.

-Right.

That is brilliant! What a great reward.

And the best bit is you all win.

Huh?

There's no greater rewarding than finding out the value of...

Mr Hammond?

HE MUTTERS: Teamwork.

- Sorry, what? - Teamwork!

Teamwork. That's right, Derek.

HE COUGHS

Nice moves.

I brought you a peace offering.

To say grazie mille for saving me from that, er...

thing.

Go on.

There's nothing wrong with a treat every now and again.

OK. If you try my healthy brownie.

It's got gluten-free flour, cocoa...

I've been to catering college, too.

I know how to make a brownie.

See? Mmmmm.

I could do me own battered version.

What's that hint of spice?

My special ingredient. Paprika.

Paprika?!

You have to be so careful with allergies. He should have said.

He's right, though. There's nothing wrong with a treat.

I must ask him how he gets his chips so crispy.

When he's feeling up to it.

You know, I never doubted it really.

A new petition, get more bins.

-All right, Bill, love?

-Yeah, grand.

Ah! It's working.

There look. She's working. Hands of a surgeon, Maura.

Precision instruments, these things. Fix anything!

Change your underpants so.

She's only joking. I change them every day.

No, I'm not.

And seeing as the chipper is gone...

I, oh...

I know. I know that, oh!

I know that you lot are going to absolutely love this...

Huh? Look at this. A Bill special.

Bah...what is that?

Well there's SAUS... It's hot, you have that one.

Eh, sausages and pizzas. That's your favourite, Tara.

And that is a whole chicken.

-All...

-Battered.

-Ah!

-Da?

-What?

-Is there any salad?

-Salad?

Bill? I think he's a bit battered.

I'm all right, Maura.

We'll leave you there, love.

What's salad?

Oh, my back.

Figaro, Figaro, Figaro!

Figaro, Figaro, Figaro!

La, la, la.

La, la, la, Figaro.