Stupid Cupid ROY


Stupid Cupid

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Transcript


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'This is the story of Roy O'Brien.

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'He lives in an ordinary house, on an ordinary street.

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'The only trouble is, he doesn't LOOK very ordinary.

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'All Roy really wants is to fit in,

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'but it's very hard to stay out of trouble

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'when you're a cartoon!'

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Ro-o-oy!

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Ro-o-oy!

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Roy!

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ROY!

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He-he!

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'Everyone has an off day,

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-'where they feel a little out of sorts.'

-Look!

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'Poor Miss Jervis has had an off week.

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'She isn't just a little out of sorts,

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'she appears to be a lot out of sorts.'

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SHE GASPS

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Huh! She's been scatty all week - it's brilliant!

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Ha-ha, I know.

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Deco convinced her that we could dress up as anything we wanted.

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Arr! That be true, me hearties!

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You guys are cruel, taking advantage of her!

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She must be upset about something.

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Well, I'm going to make the best out of it!

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Wait until you see my astronaut outfit - it's out of this world!

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BELL RINGS

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Ah, Miss Jervis! May I bring to your attention exhibit A?

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Aw, Roy, what are you doing?

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I'm a Roystronaut, Miss!

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Oh, now, Roy, while I approve of your creative outfit,

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-I'm afraid that you can't just...

-But Miss,

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you told Deco that we could dress up yesterday. Do you not remember?

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Did I? Oh, right. Probably did, yeah. Good.

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Well, I never.

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Right, O'Brien, I want you to get that thing off your head right now

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or I'll give you so much homework you'll really be seeing stars!

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-It's stuck!

-Come on, O'Brien.

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Argh! Oh, I can't see!

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Arrrgghhh! Help me! I'm... Oww!

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-Calm down, O'Brien! Calm down!

-Get it off! Get it off!

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-Relax!

-Get it off!

-Relax, O'Brien!

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This blasted thing won't come off!

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Arrrrgggh!

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CRASH

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Oh, phew.

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Thanks, Sir!

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Oh... oh. Argh.

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-You all right, Sir?

-Roy!

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I miss you, Pete. This is all my fault.

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If I wasn't so busy with this school, I'd have you with me.

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-I can't, this is too hard.

-SHE SOBS

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Pull yourself together, Jane!

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Poor thing!

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Oh, sorry, Tara, didn't see you there. Come on in.

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Oh, it's nothing.

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It's just the permission slip from my Mam for the soccer camp.

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-Good, good.

-You OK, Miss?

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Yeah, mm-hmm. Fine. Thank you.

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Miss Jervis is depressed because she split up with her boyfriend Pete.

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-No way.

-Even worse, I think he ran away with her sister!

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Oh, no! I've been messing all week

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and she's been heartbroken!

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-We warned you.

-Ugh, I feel awful!

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Aw, poor Miss Jervis!

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She's been so good to me ever since I arrived.

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We have to cheer her up!

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You boys should stay out of it. You'll only make it worse.

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-Hey!

-I resemble that comment!

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-Resent.

-Look, this is Jervis we're talking about.

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This school is everything because of her.

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She doesn't deserve to be sad.

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We have to make this right.

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It's too important!

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This needs a girlie touch, Roy.

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Well, you try your way and we'll try ours,

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-then we're twice as likely to cheer her up! Yeah?

-Yeah.

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Here she comes!

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Em... Ahem!

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-Oh!

-This is for you, Miss!

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Sorry, Roy, I didn't see you there.

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Just so you know, we think you're deadly.

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A puppy...

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-What just happened?

-Beats me.

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Something has to be done!

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I agree she's been a bit shaky lately but she just needs a bit of time!

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She's not fit to be principal in the state she's in!

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Lay off, Mr Hammond. You'd be the same if you missed someone you loved!

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It's not my fault she couldn't keep Pete around.

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And frankly, her personal life is not my problem!

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She's so stressed she's talking about taking

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an extended leave over this.

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But of course you'd love that, wouldn't you, Principal Hammond?

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How dare you suggest I'd use her pain for my gain!

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You need to back off, Derek!

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Jane doesn't need your nonsense on top of this.

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Nonsense?! Nonsense?! Well...

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-your hair is nonsense!

-HE SNORTS

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Well, your face is nonsense!

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Wow!

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-At least I have hair!

-I heard that!

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You should have seen them!

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They were all like, "Your hair is stupid!"

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HE SNORTS

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"Oh, yeah, Well, your face is stupid!"

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Priceless!

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But the bad thing is,

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Mr Lucey reckons that Miss Jervis is going to take extended leave

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-cos of the whole Pete thing.

-What?

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What if she decides to leave and never come back?

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BELL RINGS

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No, she can't leave us!

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I can't imagine school without her.

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Me neither. She's the best.

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And guess who'll become principal if she does leave?

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Hammo!

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She can't go! She just can't!

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I remember what it was like!

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This is for you, Miss!

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-We made you vouchers.

-Cos you're so nice.

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And you're always working super hard to make the school brill!

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Aw! "One hug voucher, to be used if feeling down.

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"One manicure and polish, to make you feel special."

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Abby does the best nails ever.

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Girls, that is so nice. Thank you.

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See, that's how it's done, fellas!

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-SHE SOBS

-Pete! I miss doing your nails!

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We made her even worse!

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Wow, Pete should never have left her. She did his nails!

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Ma always grosses out about cutting Da's toenails.

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Chocolate is always good when you're feeling down.

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Thank you.

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I must say, you look really very, very stressed, Jane.

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This whole Pete thing, wow.

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I mean, if it were me, I don't know what I'd do.

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I'd probably take an extended leave, I suppose.

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Go home, sort things out, get Pete back.

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Some things are more important than all of this.

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We're more than just this school, you know?

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We're people, with lives and loved ones

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who need to be...well, loved.

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And, you know, if you did decide to take leave,

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you needn't worry. I will... Sorry, WE will

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take care of the school when you're gone.

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That is, you know, if you decide to go.

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SHE SOBS

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Maybe you're right, Derek. Maybe you're right.

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Oh... There, there.

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I... I didn't mean to upset you.

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Um, actually, just forget everything I've just suggested.

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Um, look, everything will turn out just fine.

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-Do you really think so, Derek?

-Yes. Yes, of course.

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Thank you.

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I'm here for you.

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Roy's freaking out about Jervis leaving.

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We all are. I don't know what I'll do if she goes.

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It's just too horrible to even think about.

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We have to think about her. We have to do something.

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I know, but what?

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Cheering her up isn't working.

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She's just too upset about her boyfriend.

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Everything reminds her of Pete.

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We need to find her a new Pete,

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someone cool and deadly, and she'll be happy to stay!

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No. No. Definitely no.

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My Uncle's best mate, Jimbo the Hammer, would be perfect!

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-He looks hard-core!

-Oh, he is.

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You boys don't have a clue.

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I've found him! The perfect match.

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That's your man out of the Darkest Moon films.

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Zach Morgan?

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Yeah, I know, ha-ha!

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What?

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Becky says he's hot, Ma says he's lovely, so he's perfect!

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Yeah, don't think he's going to come to the school just for a date, Roy.

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But he's shooting a new movie in town.

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I sent him a letter about how cool Jervis was and everything, so...

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Now this fella is spot on.

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He's my gymnastics coach's brother, Darren.

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He looks like he works in a bank.

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He does!

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It's Miss Jervis we're trying to set up here.

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OK, where's your solution?

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I couldn't think of anyone good enough for her.

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It would have to be someone Jervis is comfortable with.

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Someone intelligent, good-looking, with similar values -

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you know, recycling, progressive teaching...

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-Thinks outside the box.

-Pffft.

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That's a unicorn man - he doesn't exist.

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There has to be someone, someone we're missing.

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Bingo!

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Aw, guys, he's perfect!

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Put the fan and torch back, lads.

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You know they're just for science class.

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What? But Miss Jervis said we could!

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See? Chaos!

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Thank you! Thank you!

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-What?! No, sir, but...

-No buts!

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So how do we get Lucey and Jervis to like each other?

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We'll have to make Jervis think that Lucey is being romantic.

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Let her make the move.

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Nice!

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Cool. So what do we do?

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Yeah?

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Nothing. Just go read comics or something.

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Yeah, this requires a special skill.

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No way! Jervis means as much to us as you guys!

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-Fine. Just don't mess things up!

-Yeah!

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OK. So, how are we going to get Lucey and Jervis together?

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Romance! It'll be easy.

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You guys go home and watch as many romantic comedies as you can.

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Rom-coms? Rom-com is the lowest form of film ever!

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What are you going to do?

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I'm going to go read all Becky's girls' magazines.

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They always have stuff on the cover about finding that perfect guy

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and ten awesome dates and stuff. Catch you later.

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Operation kissy kissy is go!

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-Sup, Roy.

-Hey, Roy.

-Hey, guys.

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So, what did you guys figure out?

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-Well, they all have the guys giving her flowers...

-And chocolates.

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Although most of the women seemed to be eating ice cream and crying.

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What did you find out?

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Well, mainly that all these magazines are brutal.

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What else? Erm... Oh, OK!

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This is what I wrote down.

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"Mood and lighting is important, mystery is vital..."

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-Oh, and "scent is a powerful factor in romance".

-Scent?

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Smelly stuff. See if you can borrow some perfume and aftershave.

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I'll take care of the choccies.

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Floral Bouquet. Granny loves it. Ma never uses it. No?

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I got this cologne.

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Dark Lion. Wow, sounds fancy.

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Choccies and romantic lighting - check!

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Does this smell of anything to you?

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I read in a magazine about this cool French perfume called

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Eau du Toilette.

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Ma didn't have any, but Becky said that Eau du Toilette

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was French for toilet water, so she made me some.

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What? It's too strong?

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OK, step one. Get in the mood for love! Ha.

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Let the romance begin!

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-Hi!

-Hi.

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You smell like my gran!

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And you smell like my Uncle Bob.

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-I mean, Uncle Bob smelled great.

-Oh.

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-Just going to go and...

-He really did.

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(It's not working.)

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Royster took out the light bulbs and put candles in there.

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What for?

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So the mood could be romantic for Lucey and Jervis during break.

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FOOTSTEPS

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Why is it so dark in here? Who turned out the light?

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-CRASHING AND BANGING

-Ow!

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That went well.

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GIGGLING

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Well done, lads. He really looks attractive now(!)

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Jervis is bound to go for him.

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Er... Maybe she'll feel sympathy for him and fall in love?

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We warned you not to mess things up. She has to stay.

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Relax! It was just to set up the mood.

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Roy is about to break out the big guns - chocolates -

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and then we'll seal the deal with the flowers.

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These look super dodgy. "Choclets of Love..."

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I hope they taste better than they're spelled.

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It's all I could afford.

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Where'd you get them?

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The 50p shop. Two packets for the price of one.

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They were out of date last year!

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Aw, I don't have time for this! Just write the card, quick!

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Erm... OK.

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"To my sweet Jane, I want to be your snooki wooki Tarzan.

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"Hope you think I'm cute. Kisses. Mr Lucey."

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Are you serious?

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It's all I have. Hurry!

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"To my sweet Jane, I want to be your snooki..."

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-She's coming!

-Quick!

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Hey! I wasn't finished writing!

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"To my sweet Jane, I want to be

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your snooki wooki Tarzan. H..."

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Oh, "H".

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H, H. Who could that be?

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I'm here for you.

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Hammond. Oh...

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-So, I thought those flowers were for Jervis?

-They are.

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I put a card in them saying, "Special delivery for Miss Jervis."

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What?

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He'll think they got mis-delivered to his classroom

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and then he'll send them up to Miss Jervis!

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Don't get you.

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She'll think he's giving her flowers.

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Ohhhh, genius! Ha-ha.

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And after the flowers and chocolates,

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-she's bound to ask him on a date!

-Cool!

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Oh, no.

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Not...flowers! Aaa-choo!

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Aaa-choo! A-choo, a-choo!

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CRASH

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Oh, stupid allergies!

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Why me?

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-Jane?

-Hi, are you on your own?

-Yeah.

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I've had the worst day ever.

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Oh, tell me about it.

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Some idiot put flowers in my classroom.

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Aaa-choo!

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Oh...sorry! Sorry...

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-No, no, it's OK. It's all right.

-It's just my allergies.

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I found a box of chocolates in my office from...

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-Hammond.

-What?!

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He wants to be my snooki wooki Tarzan. I know.

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That two-faced liar!

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You know, yesterday he was saying he wanted you out of the school

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and all this while he was trying to get you to go on a date with him!

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I was so stressed out I ate the entire box of chocolates,

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which were manky. They tasted like...

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SHE PASSES WIND

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PFFFRRT!

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-I... I think I'm going to go and do...

-Please do.

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..that thing I was going to do, erm...outside.

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-Argh!

-Oh!

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-PFFFRRT!

-Oh! It must be the chocolates...

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Ohhh! Ah!

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Any second now, they're going to come out hand-in-hand,

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-all thanks to...

-Me.

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..Doctor Love!

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Jervis and Lucey, sitting in a tree! K-I-S-S-I-N-G!

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Move! Move! Ohhhh...

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Get out of my way!

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Awww, what's that smell?! Ugh...

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Aw, that's disgusting!

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Oh, sorry, people, I claim that one. Bit of a dodgy curry last night.

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-I think I'm going to be sick!

-My eyes!

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Gross!

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Run! Move, Roy!

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HE COUGHS AND WHEEZES

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How dare you,

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you two-faced so-and-so!

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What?!

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Pretending you were trying to get rid of her,

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and all along you were trying to steal her.

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I've done nothing but try to console her.

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Exactly! Console her away from me!

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Have you gone absolutely mad, man?

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Oh, I'm mad all right! Mad at you, you sneaky...beaked...

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..sneaky thing!

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-What are you talking about, Mr Lucey?

-Jane!

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You want...

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Aahhh-chooooo!

0:21:310:21:33

Oh! Oh, all right!

0:21:380:21:41

How dare you!

0:21:430:21:44

THEY CHANT: Fight! Fight! Fight!

0:21:500:21:52

Oh, no!

0:21:520:21:54

What are you two doing?! Stop this at once!

0:21:570:22:00

He's gone absolutely mad! He said I was trying to woo you!

0:22:020:22:06

Argghhhhh!

0:22:060:22:09

Wait, but didn't you leave chocolates in my office?

0:22:090:22:12

Admit it! You want to be her snooki wooki Tarzan!

0:22:120:22:17

Has everyone here gone mad?!

0:22:170:22:19

What are you two talking about? Snooki wooki what?!

0:22:190:22:23

I'd expect this kind of shenanigans from Roy but...

0:22:230:22:26

Er...sorry?

0:22:310:22:34

Roy, what were you thinking?

0:22:340:22:37

You were just so sad, Miss, and we wanted to cheer you up

0:22:370:22:40

but everything reminded you about your ex-boyfriend.

0:22:400:22:42

Then we thought all you need is a new boyfriend,

0:22:420:22:44

then we saw Mr Lucey and we thought...

0:22:440:22:46

Wait, wait, wait. Boyfriend? What are you talking about, boyfriend?

0:22:460:22:49

Pete! Tara heard you on the phone

0:22:490:22:51

telling Pete you missed him and you were sorry!

0:22:510:22:54

THEY BURST OUT LAUGHING

0:22:540:22:56

Pete's her dog, Roy!

0:22:580:23:00

Yeah, he was sick and he needed full time care,

0:23:000:23:03

so he's staying at my sister's. But then, he misses me so much,

0:23:030:23:06

so I call her up and she holds up the phone to his little ear.

0:23:060:23:10

Oh! That explains why you miss doing his nails.

0:23:100:23:14

Well, I'm so sorry, Miss.

0:23:160:23:18

We just didn't want you sad and we were scared you'd quit

0:23:180:23:21

and leave us here with...

0:23:210:23:23

..out your smile! Ha-ha!

0:23:250:23:28

I was thinking of quitting, just so I could spend more time with Pete

0:23:280:23:31

while he was getting better, but I could never leave here.

0:23:310:23:34

Aw, phew!

0:23:350:23:37

Yeah, how could I leave here,

0:23:370:23:38

when I've got such sweet students who care about me?

0:23:380:23:41

I am the luckiest Principal...

0:23:410:23:43

-HER STOMACH RUMBLES

-Ohhh... excuse me, sorry.

0:23:430:23:45

Must go. Move!

0:23:450:23:47

She's obviously emotional.

0:23:480:23:50

Phew. That all worked out.

0:23:510:23:54

Wait... What's that smell?!

0:23:560:23:59

Ah, here, Mr Lucey! Not again!

0:24:000:24:02

Aw, Lucey! Aw, that's not even funny!

0:24:020:24:06

Mr Lucey!

0:24:060:24:07

I can't believe you're eating those chocolates.

0:24:200:24:23

I had a spare box. What was I supposed to do, throw them away?

0:24:230:24:26

Wait, guys...

0:24:270:24:28

One, two, three!

0:24:300:24:32

Ha-ha! Woohoo!

0:24:360:24:38

OK, just tell her how you feel. What have you got to lose?

0:24:440:24:47

Just ask her out. OK.

0:24:480:24:50

Yep?

0:24:550:24:56

Hey.

0:25:000:25:01

This is the place.

0:25:010:25:03

Ahem. Miss Jervis... Oh, no, I sound like a judge.

0:25:040:25:07

Hi! Jane, right? Yeah, listen, babe,

0:25:090:25:11

your student Roy sent me a letter and your photo.

0:25:110:25:14

You're smoking hot, so...

0:25:140:25:16

Wow. Brutal. Come on, Zach, get it together.

0:25:160:25:20

Hi, I'm Zach.

0:25:220:25:23

Roy told me all about the great work you're doing here.

0:25:230:25:26

I love to give back to the community whenever I can,

0:25:260:25:29

so I just had to come down and see for myself and say well done.

0:25:290:25:34

Maybe I could show my appreciation by taking you out to dinner?

0:25:340:25:37

Perfect.

0:25:370:25:39

OK, Miss Jervis...here I come.

0:25:390:25:42

Jervis doesn't have an iron stomach like mine!

0:25:430:25:47

No chocolate can beat the Roytron!

0:25:470:25:50

Ha-ha-ha. I'm invinc...

0:25:500:25:52

-HIS STOMACH RUMBLES

-Oh...

0:25:520:25:54

Oh, no, this can't be good!

0:25:590:26:01

Run!

0:26:050:26:07

THEY SCREAM

0:26:070:26:08

Whoa, easy! Autographs one at a time.

0:26:110:26:15

There's plenty of ink for everyone!

0:26:150:26:18

ROY PASSES WIND

0:26:210:26:23

Ah, that's better!

0:26:230:26:25

Ack! Can't breathe!

0:26:320:26:35

HE COUGHS AND GAGS

0:26:350:26:37

Aw, that smell, it's following me!

0:26:400:26:43

That is so weird.

0:26:440:26:46

There's a guy running up the road with no shirt on

0:26:460:26:48

and he's the spitting image of Zach Morgan.

0:26:480:26:50

If only. Zach Morgan, total babe.

0:26:500:26:55

Oh, sorry, you were going to ask me something?

0:26:550:26:58

Oh, yeah, no, er... No, it's nothing. Just a crazy idea.

0:26:580:27:02

Might ask you again another time.

0:27:040:27:07

OK.

0:27:070:27:08

So out of my league.

0:27:080:27:10

He's such a strange one.

0:27:120:27:15

Strange, but cute.

0:27:150:27:17

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