Karma Chameleon ROY

'This is the story of Roy O'Brien.

'He lives in an ordinary house, on an ordinary street.

'The only trouble is, he doesn't LOOK very ordinary.

'All Roy really wants is to fit in,

'but it's very hard to stay out of trouble

'when you're a cartoon.'

Ro-o-oy!

Ro-o-oy!

Roy!

Roy!

He-he!

'It's a very special Saturday for the O'Brien family.

'For Maura, her cousin is getting married.

'And for Bill and Roy, it's Cup Final Day.'

Ah, will you hurry up, love? Come on!

Of all the days to have a wedding.

I've been waiting for this match all season!

Priorities, Bill. You can watch the match any time.

This is family.

Family? I've never even heard of this "cousin Anne".

I think you're making her up.

Take that scarf off, it looks ridiculous.

-I will not. I'm going to wear it all day...

-Bill!

Well, at least let me wear it in the car,

listening to the match on the radio.

Fine. Then it's off.

Yes! C'mon, United!

-Go on, United!

-Ha-ha!

United! United!

-Good lad.

-PHONE RINGS

Ow! Becky, that phone of yours has gone off all morning.

Uh...it's just the girls in my study group looking for advice.

-What do you think, lads?

-Yes, gorgeous. Come on, we'll go.

-Becks?

-Hmm...

I think you should try the other one.

Great idea. Two minutes, two minutes.

That'll be the third costume change.

Lady Gaga wouldn't get a look in.

Lady who?

Doesn't matter.

Now listen, you better behave yourself for Becky,

do you hear me boy?

-What?

-Well, your granny and grandad are going to the wedding too,

so that means Becky's in charge.

But...

No buts! That's final.

We'll be back tomorrow.

I'm old enough to look after meself. That's so unfair!

Look, you can sulk all you want, son, but them's the rules, kiddo.

-Ta-da!

-You must be joking?

That was the first one you tried on an hour and-a-half ago!

-Yeah. I bought it especially for the wedding.

-Ha-ha!

You bought..? Yeah, it's beautiful. Come on, let's rock and roll.

Yeah. Just got to decide on the shoes, then I'm with you.

I'll be in the car, breathing deeply.

"Who's Lady Gaga?"

BEEP! BEEP!

What's keeping her? Ah, nice of you to finally join us, love.

Those shoes are an accident waiting to happen, anyway.

They match the outfit, that's all that matters.

Famous last words. Right, let's go.

See yiz, kids! We'll miss yiz.

No wild parties now!

Ha, as if! Have a lovely time, and don't worry about us.

Yeah. And, Roy, you listen to your sister. Whatever she says, goes.

Hey! Why are your fingers cro...?

Urp!

Would you look at that? I'm telling you, responsibility suits her.

Isn't this exciting, the two of us, off together for the night?

Not really, no.

What are you planning, Becky?

Only the party of the decade. And guess what?

-What?

-You're not invited.

That's not fair! Why?

Because, Roy, this is my big chance to join the coolest gang in school

and you're not going to mess it up.

Join them how?

When I heard they were looking for a place to watch the match,

I said I had a free house.

But you can't stand football.

Roy, Roy, Roy,

you have so much to learn about the ways of the world.

It doesn't matter if I don't like football,

they're never going to know. I'll just wing it.

-But that's so fake!

-It's not fake.

It's called being able to adapt to different situations,

like a chameleon.

A chameleon is a lizard that changes colours to blend in, Roy,

like me.

A lizard?

Oh, Roy.

'Roy is in his bedroom looking up chameleons on his computer.'

OK, it says here that chameleons can change colour to

blend to their surroundings.

Cool! I wonder if I can do that?

OK.

Hrrrr!

Ugh!

Hmm, projectile tongue.

Now that shouldn't be a problem!

Ow!

That didn't work.

OK, let's see what we've got.

Football scarf, check.

Nibbles, check, chocolates, check.

Biscuits...

Hmm. I just hope these are cool enough.

I mean, what if they prefer other, cooler ones?

Do they even eat biscuits?

Oh, this is stressful!

Hey, I think that football was offside, right?

C'mon, ref, get your eyes tested!

On second thoughts, I reckon I have this down...

I hope.

CAR SPLUTTERS

I'll check it for coolant.

If you're trying to get out of this wedding...

I'm not trying to get out of the wedding.

You are trying to get out of this wedding.

HE COUGHS

-Yeah.

-Yeah?

-Yeah.

-What is it?

-It could be the whatsit...

-The what?

That, the...wassivolly valve...

-Oh, you...

-It goes into the...

This is fantastic. Just brilliant(!)

..flangicator under...

DOORBELL RINGS

What? They can't be here already!

I'll get it!

No, stay away from that door!

Hey, that's a foul! Yellow card.

Ah, yellow card to you, too!

You don't even know what that means!

You losers? What are you doing here?

Hey, Becky. We heard about a party.

-Are we in the right place?

-How do you know about my party?

Roy!

Hey, yiz!

Let's get something straight first -

you're NOT coming to my party.

Don't want to go to your stupid party! We're having our own!

We are?

Fine, but not outside your bedroom, you're not.

Now, go on upstairs before the really cool people start arriving.

Go. Go!

They're coming!

Oh, I need to get ready!

OK, OK.

OK, cool, cool.

-Cool.

-DOORBELL RINGS

OK, I'm cool, Becky, I'm cool.

Oh, hi. I completely forgot you were coming.

Hey. What's up?

(Cool.)

I mean, there could be anything wrong with it, you know...

Oh, good work, Sherlock.

The computer voice here's telling me it's going to be 40 minutes

-before I get to speak to anybody.

-What?! We'd better call a taxi then.

Wait, no, no. Hang on a second... A taxi? No, no, no.

You see, it's... It's too far, love. It'd be way too expensive.

What do you suggest then?

Well... You know, I think we should just go home -

it's only a 15 minute walk.

You know, Bill, if you had the slightest idea how cars work,

I'd think that you rigged this to happen.

There's absolutely no need for you to say that, now.

I'm as upset as you are, you know?

Oh, give me a break!

HE MOUTHS

-Roy.

-Yeah?

This isn't a party.

What do you mean?

We're just hanging out, watching a movie.

The real fun is happening below us.

Can we go downstairs?

But Becky told us not to.

So what? It's as much your house as it is hers.

How is she going to stop you?

Come on, guys, I'm out of here.

Where do you think you're going?

Er...to the bathroom.

All four of you? Back inside.

Your sister is so mean, Roy!

-BECKY:

-I heard that!

Are you going to let her get away with that?

-BECKY:

-Heard that, too!

This is stupid.

HE SIGHS

I'm on hold, love.

Honestly? Honestly, the car breaking down,

it was either pure coincidence, or fate, or something.

But whatever it was, I am taking it as a sign from the footballing gods

that I'm going to get to watch the match on telly.

And, of course, if I can help make that become a reality, I will.

I mean, United in the final!

Go on, ya boy, ya!

All the recovery vehicles are out on jobs at the moment, love.

It's going to be at least an hour.

-This isn't happening.

-I know, I know.

WHISTLING AND CHANTING City!

Ah, blueies.

Arrragh! It burns me eyes!

Don't stare at the dress - it's brighter than the sun!

Excuse me?

Nah, look seriously, I'm only messing with you.

You're sending a good message to the kids.

Be safe, be seen, yeah?

LAUGHTER

Chill out, you look great for a granny!

And you, good luck today, Granda'!

We'll see if you're celebrating later on, won't we?

C'mon, let's find that party and watch United getting destroyed!

Come on, United!

City! City!

Bill.

-Bill.

-What?

The dress, it's OK. It's not too young, is it?

No, the dress is perfect. I love it.

-Really?

-Yes!

Yeah, you should have got two of them.

Shh, be quiet.

Phew!

I can't wait to see what they're wearing.

Show me the snacks.

Ah, this is torture!

Ugh!

Shh!

I can't believe it. Everyone is really enjoying themselves.

I've never seen them so excited.

Hey, Vicky, is any more food coming? Cos we're starving.

Yeah, some of us haven't eaten since brunch.

You mean it's all gone? I only put it out a while ago.

It's kind of embarrassing.

Oh... I'll see what I have.

And it's...

..Becky.

Why didn't you get any chocolates or crisps?

He can't just walk in and get them, can he, Niall?

Have yiz ever heard of a chameleon?

That lizard that can change colour?

Yeah. All I have to do is blend in with me surroundings.

I am cool and I'm going to the party!

Go for it!

Maybe he needs a bit more practice.

This is going to be deadly!

I could have sworn I had a sausage roll just there.

So, Vicky, I hear you have a cartoon brother?

It's Becky!

Sorry, Becky(!)

I hear he's quite the entertainer. We'd love to meet him.

He's not really into parties.

So, do you think United are going to win?

Maybe it's a good idea if you ask him to join us.

The party is getting a little boring, don't you think?

Well, no. I thought everyone was really enjoying themselves.

It's called being polite.

Go and get him.

It's one of the only reasons why we're here.

Seriously?

Hey, everyone, Vicky's cartoon brother is on the way.

THEY LAUGH

This is a disaster!

And what's with meeting Roy? Roy, Roy, Roy, Roy.

Ugh! I'm sick of it.

I wish I had a normal brother.

He ruins everything.

Give me your phone and I'll call them.

No, I can ring them back in a minute, meself.

-Give me the phone, Bill.

-I can... I'll do it meself...

How come the last person you called was me, yesterday?

That can't be right.

You never called them!

I guarantee you one thing, Bill, we will go to this wedding!

Becky's party is not going quite as planned.

She's going to need all Roy's help to turn things around.

They need us down there, to get things going!

ALL: Yeah!

What's wrong, Roy?

Nothing.

I come bearing gifts!

Dig in, everyone.

Don't you want any, Roy?

I'm fine.

Well, look, I've decided the party could use little nerds,

so you can come.

Roy, you coming?

No way.

Woo-hoo! Let's get this party started!

LOUD MUSIC PLAYS

Just when you thought this party couldn't get any worse.

Come on, Roy, what's wrong with you?

Nothing.

OK, last chance.

Either you come down now, or you're not coming to the party at all!

Please, Roy, I need you to come down to the party!

No.

If only you had a normal brother that didn't ruin everything for you!

Did you hear me say that?

But how? You weren't there!

CRASHING DOWNSTAIRS

What's that?

Oh!

What's going on?

Who are you?

Friends of a friend, Becky. Just popped in to watch the match.

Her name's Vicky.

Get out, right now! I didn't invite any of you.

Your party was on the internet, wasn't it?

So that means you invited the whole world!

Well, I certainly didn't put it there.

I might have mentioned it online.

Yeah, me too, actually.

Look, the only reason we were here was to see your cartoon brother, OK?

I think we should just go.

What about the match?

We don't even like football.

PHONE RINGS

Get out or I'm calling the police.

Hey, calm down. Ever hear of hospitality?

I'm serious!

- Well, go ahead then, call the police...

if you don't mind your folks finding out about this party.

- Look...Becky?

The vibe in here isn't cool any more,

so we're going to go to a different party.

Are you for real?

Yeah, we can see your brother some other time, like. Bye.

Ugh!

Roy! Roy!

What?

What's going on?

Gate crashers! Becky really needs your help.

Yeah, we got it serviced last month?

-Last month, yeah.

-Yeah.

Well, I don't know what could have happened.

I mean, it was fine this morning when I put petrol in it.

Petrol? Wait, petrol... The car's diesel!

-Where are you going?

-Home.

You coming? Bill?

Everyone leave, right now, or else!

Yeah? Or else what?

Erm...

I haven't thought of that yet...

but something will happen!

Ha! Thought so.

No, no, I can't walk another inch. We'll need to call a taxi.

You know what? There's no need, love.

-What?

-Whoever said chivalry is dead?

What? Whoa!

-Bill, be careful, please. You all right, love?

-Yeah.

Bill, we're going down!

Yeah.

-I'll call a taxi.

-Yeah, good idea.

I'm not sure about this, Roy.

Relax, Becky. I know what I'm doing.

So, I have a challenge you won't be able to refuse.

I'm listening.

A dance-off.

THEY LAUGH

I'll be representing the home team and I'll take on your best dancer.

Go on.

If I lose the dance-off, we'll leave this house.

Is that fair?

Roy!

Yeah, fair enough. You go first.

Music!

MUSIC PLAYS

Yeah!

-THEY CHANT

-Roy! Roy!

Whoa...

Yeah! Wha-ha-ho!

Yeah!

Whoo!

Yeah!

Beat that! Ha-ha!

Wow, wow. Impressive. Really, really impressive.

So impressive, in fact,

that I don't think we're even going to try and compete with that.

Yes!

Yeah-ha-ha! Come on, Sean!

Woo-hoo! Yeah!

Hey! Everyone out, as agreed!

Yeah!

Oh, really? Really?

Cos I don't remember agreeing on what we had to do if we lost.

But I'll tell you what we can do.

What?

Arrrragh!

Are you all right?

Yeah.

This is a nightmare!

No-one upsets my sister!

Leave it, Roy.

Roy?

Roy?

-Where's Roy?

-We don't know.

Wait, please, I don't know how that happened!

Where are yiz off to? The match hasn't even started!

H-how is that happening?

Ow!

Arrrghh!

This house is full of ghosts!

THEY LAUGH

Becky? Hi, love.

Your Da's just gone to get us a taxi, so we'll be home soon.

I hope you're having a lovely day.

Ta-da! Your chariot awaits.

Oh, thank you, Roy.

The pleasure's all mine.

KNOCK AT THE DOOR

Who's that?

Hi, Becky, it's Carlton! We saw that gang leave.

Yeah, like, can we come back in?

-MIMICS HER

-Like, I think we're

too boring for you - it's kind of embarrassing.

THEY LAUGH

Nice one, Becks!

What was I thinking?

PHONE RINGS

Eight missed calls from Ma...

and a text.

They'll be home in ten minutes.

What?

I'll be grounded until I'm 30.

Come on! Come on!

We should make kick-off.

-ALL:

-Arrrgh!

Ghosts, everywhere! Waaaah!

Who's the Granny and Grandad now, huh?

-Come on, United!

-Come on, United!

Roy, I need your help like never before.

Uh...

Please, Roy, I'll bring you breakfast in bed for a week.

A month! I'm begging you.

Oh, I was going to say I'm not sure we'll do it all in ten minutes...

But, thanks, Becks!

I'll take the breakfast in bed, too.

-OK, Becky, you're on dishes and glasses. Go!

-OK.

Niall and Sean, you're on furniture duty,

make sure everything's in the right place.

-Go!

-OK!

Tara and Abby, I want you dusting off the furniture.

Let's go, go, go!

-And what are you going to do?

-Yeah?

Well done, everyone.

Thanks, guys. I couldn't have done it without you.

So, the next time you have a party, will you invite us?

Absolutely!

Though I'm never, ever going to have another party.

Come on, guys, we better head.

-Right, see you, Roy!

-See you!

-See you, guys!

See yiz later! Bye-bye.

Thanks, Roy.

Get away!

I'm glad you're not normal.

You're not normal! Get away from me!

-Give us a hug, Roy!

-No! Becky!

-Come on...

-Hey!

Are you not going out to play with your friends?

Oh, yeah. It's just, I told them I was hanging out with Becky.

Really? Aw!

Guys, do you want to go in to the sitting room and watch the match,

and I'll bring yiz in a cuppa?

-Aw, brilliant.

-That would be heaven. Thanks, Becks.

Roy, you want to help?

Yeah, OK.

Do you know? After seeing that crowd today,

I don't think we give ourselves enough credit for our kids.

It's a fair point, love.

Maybe we should go easier on them in future, huh?

Ha-ha!

-No, don't give it to him!

-Ow. Ow!

Bill, that was the worst foot rub ever!

Your man, he's brutal, this fella...

There's something sticking into my back here...

Erm, I've got some homework to do.

Yeah, me too.

Not so fast.

Aw.

ROY SNORES

HE SNIFFS

Breakfast, Roy!

Whoa!

Oh, thanks, Becky!

Enjoy it. I've done my part of the bargain.

I thought this week would never be over.

Mmm. You cook a mean sausage, sis.

I'm going to miss breakfast in bed.

Well, I not going to miss making it, but thanks.

PHONE RINGS

Who's that?

Ugh! Carlton - he won't leave me alone.

-No way!

-PHONE RINGS

Ha-ha!

That's Heather - they want to hang out.

Listen, Roy, forget what I said about being a chameleon -

it's caused me nothing but trouble.

I'm just going to concentrate on being myself from now.

Well, when I'm not grounded after three weeks.

Well, well, well,

it sounds like someone's learned from their disastrous party!

Yeah, Becky.

Yep, it looks like we're going to

let you off the next three weeks for good behaviour.

Really? Thanks so much. You won't regret it.

Yes!

Oh, don't mind if I do.

Not so fast, Da'.

Up you go, up you go...

Give it out wide.

Go on, pass.

Go on, son.

Go on, skin him. Skin him!

Get it over...

Yes! Ya boy, ya! Get in there!

Ha-ha-ha!

Come on, United!