Going Ape ROY


Going Ape

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Transcript


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'This is the story of Roy O'Brien.

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'He lives in an ordinary house,

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'on an ordinary street.

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'The only trouble is, he doesn't LOOK very ordinary.

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'All Roy really wants is to fit in.

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'But it's very hard to stay out of trouble

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'when you're a cartoon!'

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Ro-o-oy!

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Ro-o-oy!

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Ro-o-oy!

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ROY!

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He-he!

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-Bill.

-What?

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-What on earth are you looking for?

-Ah, I dropped me sausage.

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Oh, there it is. Roy, be a good man.

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Will you pass me that sausage, like a good lad?

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Roy? Hello?

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You are not eating that. It's been on the floor!

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-I'm only after having one sausage.

-No, Bill.

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Are you all right, love? You haven't touched your breakfast.

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I'm not hungry. May I be excused?

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Of course, but bring a banana

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and make sure you bring your towel. You've PE today, OK?

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How could I forget?

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DOOR SLAMS

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-What's up with him?

-Who knows?

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You know something? I use to love PE when I was in school.

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They use to call me the king of the push-ups.

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-You?!

-Push-ups?

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Yes, push-ups! All right, I'll show you - look.

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See, it's all in the - ahem - technique, you know.

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-LAUGHING: Yeah.

-Well, we're waiting...

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-Hold on a minute.

-Oh, my G...

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Bill...tell me you're not eating that sausage from the floor.

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-I am, yeah.

-He is.

-There's nothing wrong with it.

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HE BLOWS WHISTLE

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This is going to be classic!

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MR HAMMOND BLOWS WHISTLE

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What are you waiting for, O'Brien? The next Olympics?

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Just hurry up!

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Aw, sir, I feel sick. Can I be excused?

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Feeling sick in PE is becoming

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something of a regular occurrence for you, O'Brien.

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No, sir, I really do feel sick. Look!

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What on earth? I don't want to know.

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-You two, take O'Brien to the school nurse.

-Come on, Roy.

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-Aw, sir!

-He's faking it!

-Make him stay!

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Agh! HE BLOWS WHISTLE

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Are you sure there's nothing else bothering you?

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For the last time, it's just an upset tummy.

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Look, I'm feeling better already!

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Great, so I guess we can go back to PE, then?

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-No! Wait!

-What's the matter?

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I knew it.

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All right, all right, so I'm not really sick. It's PE.

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Just the thought of it has me stomach in knots.

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-I know exactly how you feel.

-You do?

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Of course.

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You think any of us want to see Hammond in those tracksuit bottoms?

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They're so high... so impossibly high.

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It's not Hammond's tracksuit bottoms that are bothering me!

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It's Deco and his mates. They're always making fun of me.

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-Is it really that bad?

-Are you kidding?

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WHISTLE IS BLOWN

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Now, children, I doubt it has escaped your notice

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that I'm in perfect physical shape.

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This Herculean frame...

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JOINTS CRACK

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..is no fluke, however.

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Today I will be showing you the safe and correct way to use weights.

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I thought I told you to get the weights?

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I-I asked Roy to get them, sir.

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Laziness is the enemy of fitness, Declan! So where is O'Brien?

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Right here, sir.

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And the weights?

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Right here, si...

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PUPILS LAUGH

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MR HAMMOND GROANS

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I thought those guys didn't bother you. You always laugh it off.

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I thought if I pretended I didn't mind, they'd stop.

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So I'm a cartoon - big deal! What did I ever do to them?

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That's it! I'm going back to that gym to sort out those creeps.

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No! Don't make a big deal out of this.

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-But it IS a big deal.

-Please?

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Fine.

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But if you won't let us help you, you need to talk to someone -

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-your parents or Miss Jervis.

-No chance! It's too embarrassing.

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Look, the school is a jungle

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and Deco is the king of that jungle - end of.

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Deco? "King of the jungle"?

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He's more like a gorilla than a lion.

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Yeah, well, I wish I was a gorilla. He wouldn't mess with me, then.

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Ahh, that's why the nurse needed me Book of Knots. Let's go.

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SHE CHAPS DOOR

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-How's the belly, Roy?

-Empty. But not for long.

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PHONE RINGS

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MORE PHONES RING AND PUPILS LAUGH

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This should be good!

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-What's wrong?

-Nothing.

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Yeah, it was nothing.

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PHONE RINGS

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-Here we go.

-Abby, no!

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-What?

-All right, sorry, but it is funny.

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You've got to do something, Roy. You can't just ignore this.

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Don't worry, I have a plan. I'm going to keep

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the head down until they forget about me. Genius!

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I'm don't think doing nothing is considered a plan.

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Guess what?

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Don't tell me, you're on another crusade to save the world?

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No, I'm on a crusade to save the animal shelter.

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-They're shutting it down.

-That's terrible. Why?

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Lack of funding.

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But I spoke to Miss Jervis and she's agreed to hold

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a fundraising event in the school on Sunday.

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I'm in. So, what do we have to do?

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I've got a few ideas...

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The world's not a perfect place, even Abby will tell you that.

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What do you mean, "even Abby will tell you that"?

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But when I see something wrong, I don't sit around complaining.

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Are you sure?

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I get involved! I mean, imagine the world with no animal shelters.

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All those poor animals with nowhere to go,

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just running wild and free.

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-Wouldn't that be a good thing?

-What?!

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Aren't animal's suppose to run wild and free?

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No. Well, yes. But no!

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Look, nobody asked you, Abby.

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Anyway, the balloon shop already gave us some free stuff.

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When I first mentioned the fundraiser to Dr Raschid,

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he didn't seem interested at all.

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Yeah, well, you know, not really an animal kind of person.

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Or a person's person, personally.

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Yeah, but once I told him how much it meant to the kids,

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he changed his mind.

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Turns out I do have a heart, after all,

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which I should know, cos I'm a doctor. Get it? Doctor?

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HE GIGGLES

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FORCED LAUGHTER

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Er, the ears.

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Yeah, and once I told him how hard the kids were working,

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making banners, making T-shirts, blowing up balloon...

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-Cupcakes.

-Sorry?

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The cupcakes. You said they were making cupcakes.

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I mean, not that it matters,

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but you DID say they were going to be making cupcakes, you know.

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-Did I?

-Yes, you did.

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Cupcakes.

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Have a biscuit while you're waiting for...

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Nah, I'll save myself for the cupcakes.

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Cupcakes...

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'Sunday has arrived

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'and there's great excitement surrounding the fundraising event.

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'Many of the children have turned up to do their bit.'

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I've made my own T-shirts and badges,

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which I'll be selling to raise money.

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And I've set up...

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a shooting gallery!

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All you have to do is knock off one of the stuffed animals

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and you win a cupcake.

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I'm not sure that shooting animals

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sends out the right message for an animal charity.

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I'm making balloon animals.

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It's harder than I thought, but I'm getting the hang of it.

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I've made...

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a worm...

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..panda's big toe...

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and panda's other big toe.

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Hey, I'm not finished!

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The animal charity means a lot to us, so we're doing all we can to help.

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Me and Abby are going to be face-painting. The kids love it.

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Yeah. I've always felt young children should get a feel for

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wearing make-up as early as possible.

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And that's really what today is all about - the kids.

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-It's for the animals.

-Don't call them that.

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'With everything in place,

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'the children wait for the public to arrive.'

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What's that?

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Either an emperor penguin or a blue-winged goose.

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What does a blue-winged goose look like?

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No idea. What does an emperor penguin look like?

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You might as well have these, there's nobody out there.

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Thanks, Niall.

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This is a disaster.

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If people don't start showing up soon, we'll never raise the money!

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I know what might cheer you up.

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Thanks so much for coming.

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I'm afraid there hasn't been much of a turn-out.

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Aw, not at all, Miss Jervis.

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I'm afraid Bill had to work today, but I managed to recruit

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Dr Raschid instead.

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Oh, that's so good of you, doctor, and on your day off too.

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Ah, well, you know, anything for the cupcakes. Or the animals!

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-Anything for the animals.

-Oh, hello, boys!

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Good to see you.

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Well, miss, when it comes to charity...you can always count on us.

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How is painting my face as a tiger supposed to cheer me up?

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It's fun!

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And what am I supposed to be?

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A gorilla, obviously.

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BOYS LAUGH Roy.

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Didn't you have enough make-up to paint him like a real boy?

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If you're not going to buy anything, Deco, go home.

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Well, I was going to buy this... but then it burst.

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She said...go...HOME!

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LAUGHING: Whoa! This cat's got claws, lads!

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- Better do as the tiger says. - Don't mind them, Roy.

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ROY MIMICS A GORILLA

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Roy?

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This can't be good.

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Oooh-ooh-ooh. Ah-ah-ahhh!

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What's gotten into him?!

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-It has to be the paint.

-I've had some make-up malfunctions

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in my time, but nothing like this.

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We need to get him back down here and wash it off - now!

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How does this work?

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Well, it's the same basic design as the mega-squirter...

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Oh, I am so terribly sorry! I'm such a klutz!

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Honestly, the trigger on these things is way more sensitive

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than you'd think. I mean, I barely touched...

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-I'm dreadfully sorry.

-No, no, no!

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I've got another two cupcakes that say you can't hit Miss Jervis too.

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Make it four and you've got a deal.

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Done. And, doctor... make it look like an accident.

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No problem.

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ROY SCREECHES

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-Here, Roy!

-Come on down, Roy!

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Maybe I should have made him a puppy.

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It's a bit late for that! We need to fix this before...

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-SCREECHING CONTINUES

-Uh-oh.

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PUPILS SCREAM

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Now what?!

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-Sorry.

-SHE WHISPERS

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O'Brien! What in the blue blazes is going on?

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He's just getting into the spirit of things, sir.

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You know, trying to see things from the animal's perspective.

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Role play!

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Well, I for one am delighted to see one of my students

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expressing himself so freely...

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..although now we may be bordering on the inappropriate.

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OK, that's enough, Roy. Stop it, Roy.

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Roy! Stop it!

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Roy, stop that this instant or I'll have you suspended!

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Ooh-ooh-ooh!

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Unhand me, boy!

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Unhand me!

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MUFFLED SHOUTS

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Roy? Roy, what are you doing?! Stop it at once!

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Listen to your mother, Roy.

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I've never seen such a senseless waste of cupcakes.

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PUPILS LAUGH

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Lads, I've got them.

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Did you not have enough to paint him like a real boy?

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HE ROARS

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BOYS SCREAM

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-Where's Roy?

-Oh, he's gone berserk.

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He's chasing Deco, Hendley and Fagan into town.

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Would someone mind telling me what exactly is going on here?

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There's no time for that. We need to find Roy, and fast.

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-And we're going to need these.

-Well, let's go!

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MR HAMMOND: Wait! Come back here! Wait!

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And so, for Property Report, this is Adam Murphy saying,

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if you're looking for a peaceful place to live,

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you need look no further than the sleepy suburb of Sandyford...

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BOYS WAIL

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ROY SCREECHES

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It's your man off the... Hey, Adam Murphy, yeah? Property Report?

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I don't believe it, that's my favourite show.

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Oh, you're... OK. I'd just like to say, er,

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if I'm watching the repeat of this next Wednesday,

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a big hi to myself. Hi!

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Oh, for God's sake!

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Get the van, Dave!

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BOYS: Agh!

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Oooh-ooh-ooh!

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THEY PANT

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What's wrong with him?!

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I mean, what did I ever do to make him so, so mad?

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Well you DID burst his emperor penguin.

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AND you're always picking on him in the class.

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-And in the yard.

-And in the gym.

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-And when you...

-All right, enough! I get it.

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-Ooh-ooh-ooh!

-He's coming!

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HIGH-PITCHED: Go away!

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Now just calm down.

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CAMERA CLICKS

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ROY GROWLS

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Stop it, you're scaring Roy!

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Is that his name - Roy? Roy, Adam Murphy, Channel 78. Hi!

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We just have a couple of questions we'd like to ask you.

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PHOTOGRAPHER: Roy! Over here, Roy!

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OOH-OOH-OOH!

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ROY SCREECHES

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-Let me through, I'm a doctor!

-I'm a mother!

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Wow. There's something you don't see every day.

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I don't know what's got into him. Is there anything you can give him?

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I've a banana back in the car.

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Put away your cameras, you're frightening him. Please!

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She said put them away!

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CLICKING STOPS

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Roy, it's me, Tara.

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I know you're feeling angry and frustrated with those bullies.

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But no-one wants to see you get hurt.

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This is what happens when you keep your problems bottled up inside.

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Sooner or later they're going to get too big to handle.

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OK, nobody expected you to turn into a gorilla,

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but it was only a matter of time before things got out of control.

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-What's she talking about?

-Who cares? Did you get the bit with the plane?

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Yeah.

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I don't know what's been going on, love,

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but Tara's right. There's nothing so bad that it can't

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be figured out by your family and friends.

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-So why don't you come down and we can sort it all out together?

-Yeah.

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BOYS SCREAM AND ROY SCREECHES

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The first thing we need to do is get you back to your old self.

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I'm sorry.

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Lads...just do it.

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What have I done?! Roy, say something, anything!

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Aw, I've got water up my nose.

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You've really done it this time, O'Brien.

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I'll make sure you never set foot inside the school again!

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I had him.

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As far as the school legal system is concerned,

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force-feeding a vice-principal cupcakes is grounds for expulsion.

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Seriously, look it up.

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This stunt was such a novel way of drawing attention

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to your school's animal shelter charity.

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Was it your idea or the school's, Roy?

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What stunt?

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Very good. And where exactly do you go to school?

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Oh, well I started this year in Sandyford Progressive Learning,

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and me vice-principal, Mr Hammond,

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that's him over there, he told me that I was...

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-That I couldn't be more proud of O'Brien.

-MUFFLED:

-Get off!

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I mean, Roy. In fact, I was, er, principal at Roy's last school.

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We go way back.

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I like to think of us as something of a team.

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MUFFLED SHOUTS

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Yes, Roy. I guess you could say... we're buddies.

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ROY SHOUTS ANGRILY

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I was so close!

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SO close.

0:20:220:20:24

HE SOBS

0:20:240:20:26

To be honest, Adam, this whole business

0:20:260:20:28

came as a complete surprise to me too.

0:20:280:20:29

The children have obviously been benefiting greatly

0:20:290:20:32

from Expressions. That's what I call

0:20:320:20:33

my interpretive dramatics programme. Ahh!

0:20:330:20:36

Oh, sorry! My fault!

0:20:370:20:39

This is Adam Murphy, for Channel 78.

0:20:410:20:44

Turns out everyone thought the whole thing was

0:20:470:20:49

a big publicity stunt for the animal shelter.

0:20:490:20:51

So I didn't get into any trouble.

0:20:510:20:54

Love, why didn't you tell us you were being bullied?

0:20:540:20:57

I don't know.

0:20:570:20:58

I guess I felt like a bit of a loser.

0:20:580:21:01

What are you talking about? That's not being a loser!

0:21:010:21:04

A loser is someone who bullies other people to

0:21:040:21:07

feel better about themselves. Am I right, Maura?

0:21:070:21:09

That's right, love. But you won't have to worry about them any more.

0:21:090:21:13

Miss Jervis promised me she'd sort it all out in the morning.

0:21:130:21:16

Ah! Ma, Miss Jervis?!

0:21:160:21:18

What did you have to go and tell her for?

0:21:180:21:20

Well, it's hardly a secret - we just watched the highlights on telly!

0:21:200:21:23

It's for the best, son.

0:21:230:21:25

She's trained to deal with things like this.

0:21:250:21:28

Ah, but...Miss Jervis. Can't you just tell me what to do?

0:21:280:21:32

Yeah, yeah. Er...Bill?

0:21:320:21:37

-Me?

-Yeah.

-Yeah, aw, no problem.

0:21:380:21:43

You see, all you do, is that, er... you stand up for yourself.

0:21:430:21:47

Yeah. But no fighting. And, er, try make friends with them.

0:21:480:21:55

Definitely. Yeah, definitely.

0:21:550:21:58

But it's probably best to stay out of their way.

0:21:580:22:01

So fight back without fighting...

0:22:010:22:04

and get close to them but stay away from them?

0:22:040:22:09

Yeah...thanks.

0:22:090:22:11

Might just hear what Miss Jervis has to say in the morning.

0:22:110:22:14

-That would probably be best.

-I think so, love.

0:22:140:22:18

Becky, listen, your brother's after having a very big day,

0:22:180:22:20

-you wouldn't get him a biscuit, would you, love?

-A biscuit?

0:22:200:22:23

Why are you being so nice to him?

0:22:230:22:25

He nearly got expelled from school today.

0:22:250:22:27

If I put on gorilla make-up and go mad in the park,

0:22:270:22:29

can I have a biscuit too?

0:22:290:22:31

Becky, you know how we feel about you wearing too much make-up.

0:22:310:22:33

Ugh!

0:22:350:22:36

BILL WHISTLES

0:22:400:22:41

I'm not looking forward to this. Me ma talked to Jervis.

0:22:480:22:52

So I'll give you one guess what this is about.

0:22:520:22:55

Cheer up, Roy. I've already sorted it.

0:22:550:22:57

You have? How?

0:22:570:22:59

Yesterday, when Deco ran off in the park crying like a baby,

0:22:590:23:03

I filmed the whole thing!

0:23:030:23:05

I showed it to him on the bus this morning.

0:23:050:23:07

You should have seen his face!

0:23:070:23:09

I told him if he never bothered you again, I'd think about

0:23:090:23:12

-not sending it around the school.

-Let me see that.

0:23:120:23:14

I thought I told you to back off.

0:23:190:23:22

Yeah. About that. Listen, Roy, I know I've been a little...

0:23:220:23:26

not nice lately. But if anybody sees that video...

0:23:260:23:29

Relax. I've deleted it.

0:23:290:23:31

-BOTH:

-What?! Why?!

0:23:310:23:33

Because it was making US the bullies.

0:23:330:23:35

And now, thanks to you, I know what it's like to be cyber-bullied.

0:23:350:23:39

And I'd never do it to anybody - not even you.

0:23:390:23:41

OK. I get it, you're right.

0:23:440:23:47

But did you have to delete all my videos?

0:23:470:23:50

My granny's birthday was in there!

0:23:500:23:52

I bet you're wondering, "What are we doing in the canteen, huh?

0:23:570:24:01

"Has Miss Jervis gone mad?"

0:24:010:24:04

Please, call me Jane.

0:24:040:24:07

Now, I want you to forget that I'm your principal.

0:24:070:24:10

Forget that you're in school and just relax. Breathing in, everyone.

0:24:100:24:15

SHE BREATHES IN DEEPLY Good, and letting go.

0:24:150:24:18

Philip, put your shoes on. You're in school, for goodness' sake.

0:24:180:24:20

Good. Let's talk. What do you like to talk about?

0:24:230:24:29

-Football?

-Football.

0:24:290:24:31

-Movie stars?

-Movie stars.

0:24:310:24:33

-Did someone say bullying?

-No. No-one said bullying.

0:24:330:24:37

And that's the problem. We don't talk about it. Good point, Sean.

0:24:370:24:42

Well, I'm going to start by getting each of you to say

0:24:420:24:45

something nice about the person sitting next to you...

0:24:450:24:49

and then giving them a...hug.

0:24:490:24:52

PUPILS: Ohh!

0:24:520:24:54

Who wants to start?

0:24:550:24:56

Anyone? Right here?

0:24:570:25:00

-Miss.

-Yes, Declan.

0:25:000:25:03

I... I-I think...Roy...

0:25:040:25:10

-Yes?

-..is good with phones.

0:25:100:25:12

Good with phones? Well, I see.

0:25:140:25:16

OK, not quite what I was going for, but...

0:25:160:25:19

SHE LAUGHS

0:25:190:25:20

You think you could help me delete a couple videos?

0:25:210:25:24

PHONE BLEEPS

0:25:240:25:26

You have a whole folder of videos called "Roy"!

0:25:260:25:30

Yeah. You can delete those. I won't be needing them.

0:25:300:25:33

Aren't you forgetting something, Declan?

0:25:350:25:37

Forget it. I'm not hugging no-one.

0:25:390:25:41

OK. Would anyone else like to...?

0:25:410:25:44

APPLAUSE AND LAUGHTER

0:25:460:25:48

Miss Jervis actually made some good points in there...eventually.

0:25:520:25:56

Yeah. Like "telling isn't tattling"

0:25:560:25:58

and "not telling anyone is the bully's greatest weapon".

0:25:580:26:01

And how standing up for yourself doesn't mean fighting.

0:26:010:26:04

Actually, that was a pretty good class.

0:26:040:26:06

Maybe for you. You didn't have to hug Sean.

0:26:060:26:10

-It's your own fault for liking me so much.

-Listen, Roy.

0:26:100:26:14

So I've been thinking, maybe we should call a truce for a while.

0:26:140:26:18

If I didn't know any better, I'd think you were sorry.

0:26:180:26:21

Don't kid yourself. I just don't...

0:26:220:26:25

EVER want to end up in a situation with Hendley hugging me.

0:26:250:26:29

-But that was a nice moment.

-Does someone need a hug?

0:26:310:26:35

No!

0:26:350:26:37

He's putting up the walls again.

0:26:370:26:39

This is exactly what Jane was talking about.

0:26:390:26:42

-You think he's learned his lesson?

-Nope. But I've learnt mine.

0:26:430:26:47

Next time something's bothering me, I'm telling somebody straightaway.

0:26:470:26:52

Actually, there's something bothering me.

0:26:520:26:54

-What's that?

-Have you noticed how you hardly

0:26:540:26:56

-ever see bees any more?

-Oh, no - no more crusades.

0:26:560:26:59

But we need to raise awareness.

0:26:590:27:01

-So I was thinking, "What if we paint Roy up as a bee?"

-No.

0:27:010:27:05

-Don't worry, you haven't heard the best bit.

-ALL: No!

0:27:050:27:08

We can sell the honey Roy produces and use the money to...

0:27:080:27:11

ALL: NO!

0:27:110:27:13

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