Stupor-ize Me Sidekick


Stupor-ize Me

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# We are Splitsboro kids and we go to Sidekick School

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# Learning to be second best while playing by the rules

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# Maxum Man is missing Now we rule the school

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# Flying, smashing, bashing stuff and looking super cool

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# I'm a sidekick, sidekick - that's the life for me

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# Half-sized super zeros with full-sized super dreams

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# Sidekick, sidekick What an awesome gig!

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# Just like superheroes Just like superzeros

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# But only half as big! Sidekick! #

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Welcome to Maxim Man's Swell Burger employee training programme.

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So, you've got a job. Now what do you do?

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I've never had one, so I have no clue, but you're not me,

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and never forget it.

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At Swell Burger, when the assistant manager in charge of grilled food

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and super toilet paper orders you to repair the thermonuclear oven,

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you say, "Yes, most amazing man in the world."

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Or maybe people just say that to me, I really don't know.

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Oh! Uh-oh!

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I'm OK.

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SHE SCREAMS

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Hem-hem.

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As a Swell Burger employee, you work for me.

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I ask for your loyalty, I ask for your honesty,

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I ask for 10% of everything you earn.

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Good luck, and welcome to the Swell Burger team.

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Ha-ha!

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Oh, ho-ho, money, money, money. Ha-ha-ha!

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Maxim Man is making you work here?

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As 51% owner of Swell Enterprises, he left orders

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that before I become a full sidekick, I have to work at Swell Burger.

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But why am I here?

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You know how scared I am of the word work.

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If I have to work here, so do you. It's a best friend rule.

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Do I look like I follow rules?

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Um, you look like you follow lemmings.

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Let's get this over with, newbs.

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I'm Sammy, I'll be your supervisor/overlord.

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You will do what I say, when I say it.

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So, you guys go to that stuffy Sidekick Academy run by know-it-alls

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who wouldn't recognise a perfect student

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if he hid in their houses and begged them, right?

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Uh, it's pretty cool.

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Enough dawdling, time to turn you lazy blobs into

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highly trained fast-food employees.

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But I love being a blob.

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Ow! Oh!

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Here's where burger flipping goes down

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with the Baffo Burger Flipper 5,000.

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BOTH: Sweet!

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Here's where we make our Swelly Fries.

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Oh, let me try.

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Needs salt.

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This is Swell Burger's Turbo Six Swelly Shake Swell Machine.

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Yes!

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Ta-ta-ta! Hands off! Only employees

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with assistant manager security clearance can touch

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the Swelly Shake Machine.

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That's awesome, dude.

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-Yay!

-Oh! You want this? Huh?

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Mr Goes To A School That Has Constantly Rejected Me And

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Filled Me With Enormous Amounts Of Fury And Rage?!

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Ummm... Sure?

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Well, you can't have it!

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You start your cleaning, move it. Move it, move it!

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Move it!

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Hey, how come you get the cool mop?

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Um, Maxim Man's sidekick? Duh.

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BOTH: Grrrrr!

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Ah! You can't even mop? How did you even get into the Academy?

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No other school would take me, not even home school.

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-Yeah, and I just showed up.

-What?

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-You mean you didn't get turned down every time you applied?

-Nope.

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-You have to apply?

-You think you're so special, huh?

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Well, I'll give you something special you'll never forget!

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Oh, I hope it's a raise, we've totally earned it.

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Whoa! Ah!

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Welcome to Swell Burger, can I take your order?

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Ha-ha-ha!

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Look, you want a Swelly Combo, or what?

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Ha-ha-ha!

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Sorry, Eric. She made me promise to let her laugh for a while.

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You look cute in that uniform.

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I know, it fits me like a really dirty and used glove.

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So, are these your Sidekick friends?

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-I'm more of a soulmate than a friend.

-What?

-What?

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Well, how would you ladies like a free milkshake from

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our newly repaired Swelly Shake Machine?

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Has HE touched them?

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I'll destroy you!

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Floor food!

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HE GOBBLES OBNOXIOUSLY

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Oh, mere workers are not allowed to even look at the Swelly Machine.

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Then I would love one.

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Oh, yes, I'm sure you'll love our new and improved Swelly Shakes.

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I know I will.

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HE CACKLES MANIACALLY

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-Free Swelly Shakes!

-YAY!

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Can we go now?

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Did you finish cleaning the grill?

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Yes. And we used our tongues.

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Aaaaah.

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So, I guess you can go. Tomorrow, you'll rinse out the dragon's lair.

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Wear fireproof everything.

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What are they all still doing here?

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Hey, guys.

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Person? Uh...

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We're closing up, so it's time to get out of here and go home.

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Where do I live?

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Is it there?

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-I didn't know Kitty moved.

-She didn't.

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Something's going on here. They aren't themselves.

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Only one way to check for sure.

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-Hey, Vana. Pummel Eric.

-Trevor!

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Uuuhhh-aaahh.

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Pummelling me is second nature to Vana. Something's really wrong.

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Ha-ha-ha! Sidekick essence, pouring in.

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I can feel the power, the training!

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Now the Academy won't be able to turn me down.

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I will be a Super Sidekick!

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HE LAUGHS EVILLY

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Why do I feel like pummelling Eric?

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Sammy, I think something's wrong.

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-The customers are...

-Hey, hey, hey! What's up with my two

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favourite and only employees?

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Like an hour ago, you said we were the worst workers you've ever seen.

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A manager can change his mind, can't he?

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And I want to reward you with your very own...

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Swelly Shakes...

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No thanks. I'm lactose intolerant.

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And I'm the one that has to clean these bathrooms.

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Ooh, I'll take his!

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HE SLURPS NOISILY

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Trevor?

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Weird, smelly person?

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What did you put in these shakes?

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It's what I take out of them that counts...

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Ew! You're drinking Trevor!

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You bet I am.

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HE LAUGHS MANIACALLY

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You have a tea party with dolls every night before bed?

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What?! Only Trevor knows that! And it's only because I like tea.

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And so do the dolls!

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They love it!

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HE WHISTLES JAUNTILY

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Wah!

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You won't get away with this, Sammy.

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Big talk, Eric. But you're only one Sidekick.

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How'd you like to take on the whole Sidekick Academy?!

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There's only one person... who can hit all my weak spots.

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-Vana!

-Uh!

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Oh!

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And you knew what Trevor knew.

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You stole all their knowledge. That's why they're all zombies.

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And you're about to join them. Drink?

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Uh, no!

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Then we'll do it the hard way...

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ERIC WHIMPERS

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Ah-ha!

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How do you like your fries?

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Flame-broiled?

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You forgot...I'm Super Sidekick now!

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I have all their abilities.

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Their consciousness.

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-All their Sidekick tricks!

-Ah!

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Did you get their bad habits too?

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Like Trevor's love of floor food?

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-FOOD SPLATTERS

-No, stop!

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What are you doing? I can't stop myself!

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HE SLURPS

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Oh! Wah!

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Hey, Sammy...

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Suck it up, so-called Super Sidekick.

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Ow! I bit my tongue.

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All the Sidekick essence, gone!

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Now I'll never get into the Sidekick Academy!

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That's right! And...wait. You did all this to get into the Academy?

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THEY GROAN

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I can't believe you got me accepted, and on the recommendation

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of Maxum Man himself...who wrote in crayon, for some reason.

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Um, he-he...

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My dreams have all come true.

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There's nothing else in the whole, wide...

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Whoo-hoo! I've been accepted at the Evil Henchmen Vocational Institute!

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But I thought getting into Sidekick School was your greatest dream?

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Yeah, but it was actually my fallback dream. I mean, I AM evil.

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Mwah-ha-ha!

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OK...

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Time to restore all you Sidekicks. Now, how do I...

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-IN KITTY'S VOICE:

-Aw, sweet, strawberry!

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And I got all my computer hacking skills back. What?!

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Wait a minute!

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-IN TREVOR'S VOICE:

-Why do I feel like destroying the school?

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Why DON'T I feel like destroying the school?! Why do I like school?

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Uh-oh...

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-IN VANA'S VOICE:

-I'm sorry, Eric, I have to pummel you.

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I can't fight the urge!

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-Ruuuun!

-Aaah!

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