Teenage Mummies in Love Sidekick


Teenage Mummies in Love

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# We are Splitsboro kids and we go to Sidekick School

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# Learning to be second best while playing by the rules

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# Maxum Man is missing

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# Now we rule the school

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# Flying, smashing, bashing, stomping, looking super cool

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# I'm a sidekick, sidekick - that's the life for me

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# Half-sized super zeros with full-sized super dreams

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# Sidekick, sidekick What an awesome gig!

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-# Just like superheroes

-Just like superzeros

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-# But only half as big

-Sidekick! #

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KITTY SCREAMS

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Kitty!

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KITTY SCREAMS

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TREVOR SCREAMS

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KITTY SCREAMS

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TREVOR SCREAMS KITTY SCREAMS

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Vana? What's going on?

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-Vana?

-Kitty's lost it!

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She found out that Bandages III,

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with movie star, Joshua Sideburns, is filming right in our gym.

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They're making another one of those silly teenage mummy movies?

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Let's just hope the other fans don't find out.

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PHONES BEEP

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CHEERING AND WHOOPING

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TOILET FLUSHES

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PHONE BEEPS MONKEY SCREAMS

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SPLITSBORO CHEERS

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They found out.

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All this, for one bad mummy movie?

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Even Joshua's hair products get their own trailer!

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-Eh! Ow!

-ALL: Huh?

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Oh, hey, guys.

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Kitty, you're acting super weird...er than normal.

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Eric, you don't understand.

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As president of the Bandages fan club,

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I've got to bring something Joshua-related to our next meeting.

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I've...just...got to!

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Bye!

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Fans are so sad.

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You won't catch me chasing after some...

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Whoa!

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VANA GIGGLES

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Of course, If I chase after Joshua,

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it will totally be because I'm the school news reporter,

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not some crazy fan.

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Yup, any interest in Joshua would be totally professional.

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Now get out of my way!

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Huh. They sure are motivated.

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They sure are.

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I wonder what that's like...

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THEY SNIFF

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-Mmm...

-Oh, boy.

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Deep-fried-y goodness...

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THEY GASP

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There it is! It's... It's...

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ERIC AND TREVOR CHEER

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I wish we didn't even have to chew.

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TREVOR GASPS It's him -

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Joshua Sideburns!

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His hair...

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It's beautiful...

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-ERIC GASPS

-Perfect sandwich...

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Here I am, Joshua -

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your number one fan!

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Huh? Oof!

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KITTY GROANS

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Are you all right?

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Thank you for saving me...

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and my hair.

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-I...

-Wait - don't speak.

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You're Maxum Man's sidekick. Wow.

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What is someone like you doing on my movie set?

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-I...

-Wait!

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I honestly don't care.

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Look, you're famous, I'm famous,

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I need protection from fans and a world-famous sidekick

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is just the person I need.

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What do you say?

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-I...

-Wait!

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I...need you...

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Oh...

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Heh-heh. That's my super-sincere acting.

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The girls all love it.

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His eyes...

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So sincere...

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Bodyguard? Uh, I don't know.

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We don't really like doing things -

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any things.

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I could give you money.

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Fame?

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Unlimited access to the buffet?

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You, sir, have a deal.

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The hair - watch the hair!

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Joshua, if I can't have you...

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I will have your sideburns!

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KITTY CACKLES

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Ha-ha!

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Nice try, Kitty.

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Good luck getting to Joshua when I'm on the job.

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He's in a top secret location,

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guarded by level after level of hi-tech security

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and watched over by my crack security team.

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TOILET FLUSHES

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TREVOR SNORES

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You've stopped me this time, Eric,

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but you have no idea what you're dealing with here.

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I'm an almost-teenage girl

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and I...am...a

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fan!

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ERIC GULPS

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I still love you.

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-What?

-What?

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Oh, Josh.

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I knew you'd come around.

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Who would have ever thought that you and I...

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Oh, who am I kidding?

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Joshua would never like someone like me.

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Why did I go all the way to Egypt, to dig up an actual mummy's tomb,

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just for him?

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HISS

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Unless...

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Oh...

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Joshua, it's really you!

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I have a surprise for you.

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You again? How did you get past security?

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ERIC AND TREVOR SNORE

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Never mind that. Um... Do you always sleep in a coffin?

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I always stay in character, always.

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I'm dedicated to absolute realism.

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Really? But your hair isn't mummy hair.

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It's so...perfect.

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What you know about my hair? Who have you been talking to?

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-Joshua! Joshua, watch out!

-FLY BUZZES

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No-o-o-o!

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Phew! Close one.

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That fly came this close to almost bothering you.

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Yes, thanks.

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But what about that girl?

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She's been nosing around and asking a lot of questions.

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-What girl?

-Enough!

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I've got to get into character.

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I thought you always stayed in character?

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You think turning into a 4,000-year-old mummy is easy?

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Easier than you might think!

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KITTY CACKLES JOSHUA'S CRIES MUFFLED

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He's mine!

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Joshua is all mine!

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KITTY CACKLES

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I mean... All cosy in there, Joshua?

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MUFFLED CRIES

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Good.

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Dude, this is the best job ever.

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Burritos for breakfast, brunch, lunch, dinner and...

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IN ENGLISH ACCENT: Tea-time.

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Hm. He's been napping for a while.

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Hello? Joshua?

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They're ready for you on set.

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Wakey, wakey!

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Time to get serious.

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Um, by "serious",

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do you really mean, "completely irresponsible and silly"?

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Yes. Yes, I do.

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TREVOR GIGGLES

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ERIC SQUEALS

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PING

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MUMMY ROARS

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ERIC AND TREVOR SCREAM

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You are so professional -

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always in character.

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Let's go.

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Uh... I'm sure make-up can fix that.

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ERIC AND TREVOR GRUNT

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-Come on.

-Move it!

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-Hurry up....

-Mr Hollywood.

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That's probably not good.

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MUMMY ROARS

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Hmm...

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Hm.

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BOTH: Hmm...

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BOTH: Hmm...

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I may be way off base here, but I don't think that's Joshua.

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THEY SCREAM

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MUMMY ROARS

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THEY SCREAM

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PIG SQUEALS

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KITTY GRUNTS

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Joshua, we're going to be late for the fan club meeting.

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Watch the hair, watch the hair!

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Don't worry,

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I'll make sure nothing happens to you

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or your beautiful hair.

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That's what my bodyguards were for!

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ERIC AND TREVOR: Help!

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Gah! Kitty, help me!

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Um, that's "help us", dude.

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Eric! Joshua!

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Kitty!

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Eric!

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Joshua!

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Kitty, help!

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MUMMY ROARS

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JOSHUA WHIMPERS

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Eric, my true love!

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-What?

-What?

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What?

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I mean... I'll save you!

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Hiii-ya!

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JOSHUA PANTS

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I'm safe!

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Oof!

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VANA GASPS

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No-o-o-o!

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No!

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Me!

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Yes!

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JOSHUA WEEPS

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KITTY GASPS

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You're nothing but a Hollywood phoney.

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I don't know why I wanted to cryogenically freeze you

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and keep you in my basement for ever.

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Oh, Eric.

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I'll never abandon you again.

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Not until the next teen heart-throb, anyway.

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Guess I'd better clean this up.

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Now... Which mummy is which?

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JOSHUA SOBS

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Hm. Hmph.

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Hmm... Hm.

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Hmm...

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Hello? Somebody? Anybody?

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Let me out!

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-SOBBING:

-I'm a star!

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And... Action.

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I'm Vana Glama, on the set of Dusty's newest and greatest movie.

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So, Dusty - tell me what it's like to be the new teen heart-throb?

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MUMMY GROANS AND MUMBLES

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Dusty!

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VANA SCREAMS

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Ugh!

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-Uh...

-Well, I guess that's a wrap.

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That's not funny.

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