Love Fights Sidekick


Love Fights

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# We are Splitsboro kids And we go to Sidekick School

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# Learning to be second best while playing by the rules

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# Maxum Man is missing

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# Now we rule the school

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# Flying, smashing, bashing, Stomping, looking super-cool

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# I'm a sidekick, sidekick That's the life for me

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# Half-sized superzeros With full-sized super dreams

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# Sidekick, sidekick What an awesome gig

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# Just like superheroes

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# Just like superzeros

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# But only half as big

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# Sidekick! #

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EXPLOSION

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HE COUGHS

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What? You've never heard massive explosions

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coming from the bathroom before? Move along!

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(Eric, are you done yet?)

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Boom means done.

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After 37 hours of hard labour,

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with a short 36 hour and 55 minute break,

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my Valentine for Vana is finally done.

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TINKLING MUSIC PLAYS Get it? It's me and Vana.

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Hmmm, I see you and a lump of garbage,

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so two lumps of garbage.

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Trevor, Valentine's Day is a day of love.

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This humble Valentine will win Vana's heart.

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Oh, Eric, that is so romantic!

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-Except the part about Vana.

-Thanks, Kitty.

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Just wait until you see me and this card in action.

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HE SIGHS

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This is going to hurt, I can't watch.

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-HE GIGGLES

-That's better.

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Vana, I have a Valentine card for you.

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Hey, what was that for?

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HE CACKLES

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Unlike your crazy ideas,

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Valentine's Day in Splitsboro is a day of war.

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A day when you must use your Valentine weapons to fight

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and win the love of that girl who doesn't even like you.

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Let the Valentine carnage begin.

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Eric, you don't have to be a super-fighting Valentiner,

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you can receive a Valentine instead...

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..from someone special, someone close to you,

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like, right in front of you, right now, smiling at you...

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Eric, would you...?

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THEY LAUGH

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Right, someone's going to give Eric a Valentine(!) Eric!

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Unlikely.

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But, if they do,

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I hope they know I'm allergic to chocolate, carnations and cologne.

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Oh.

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So, if I win this contest, Vana has to be my Valentine?

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No refuse-ees?

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Awesome!

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-IF you win - big if.

-And if you have a Valentine.

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That's right. No card...

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no Vana.

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CHARGING WHINE

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Ha-ha-ha-ha!

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Ow, ow, ow!

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It's you or the card, Eric! You or the card!

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Or both! I can't count.

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No-one is getting this card from me. No-one!

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Uh, except Vana.

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Yeeoooowwww!

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No!

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Oh, brother.

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DOOR CREAKS

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I won! I'm Vana's Valentine!

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Uh, dude?

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-VANA GIGGLES

-I like it.

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PIG SQUEALS

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I'm going to get so pummelled.

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Yep, love hurts, dude, so does hate.

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Now, here's the battle flow chart.

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You'll have to go through all these people before you can win.

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Hey! Look, I can lick the back of my knees!

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Yuck!

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Mmmmmm.

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Super cinnamon hearts - yum.

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I guess your next battle is starting.

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Now, if you'll excuse me...

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Fin! You're fighting for Vana, too?

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Sorry, Eric, but her perfume is like fish food for my people.

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Argh!

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Argh! HE BLOWS

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SIZZLING Ow!

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Nice skid marks, Eric!

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Now, protect that card, I'll take care of the candy.

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I'll take it from here, Trevor.

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Ho-ho-ho!

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This is all for you, Vana.

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Oh, goody.

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HE BELCHES

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-I won! Ha-ha-ha-ha!

-That was the lamest fight ever.

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Where's the action? The drama? The explosions?

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The robotic dolphin punching? The hair-pulling?!

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-Perhaps...

-Huh?

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..I can be of service?

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-It's Allan Amazing!

-THEY ALL SWOON

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Delivery for Eric, stand back, people.

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Ow!

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SHE SWOONS

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It can wait.

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Take this!

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A teddy bear? I guess we're going to do this the old-fashioned way.

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TREVOR GRUNTS

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-Not that old-fashioned.

-Oh.

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Hah! I have your Valentine. You lose!

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Mr Cuddles, attack!

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MR CUDDLES GROWLS

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Aaarrrggghhhh!

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Get him!

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Whoa! Ooohhhh!

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And, to finish this off, I believe you had a request, dear Vana?

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Mr Cuddles, pull his hair!

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SNARLING

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SHE GIGGLES

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Argh-ha-ha!

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Mr Cuddles, use your secret weapon, now!

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Aaaaggghhh!

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Huh?

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Oh, man, spear hugs are the best. Soak in the love, Eric.

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Too...much...love.

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ERIC BREATHES HEAVILY There.

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How do YOU like it?

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HE WAILS

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No-one has ever hugged Mr Cuddles back before.

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Mr Cuddles loves hugs.

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Awwwwww. Here you go, little buddy.

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Oh, you furry fool. Attack! attack!

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Mr Cuddles thinks you need hugs.

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HE SNARLS

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No, not the face, not the face!

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Argh!

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Yes, another win.

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A weird/creepy/totally lucky win, but I'll take it.

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Hey, Vana, did you see?

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-Oh, ha-ha-ha-ha!

-Mmmm!

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Hey, no way!

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Kid Ruthless didn't win a battle.

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Stand down, Kid.

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HE CACKLES

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Oi, Needles, you going to give me a paper cut?

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BEEP

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Ah!

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Hah!

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Ah! Ah!

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Hah! Ah! Hah!

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Eric, take note for next year -

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this is how you make a Valentine.

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ENOUGH!

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I get it.

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-What?

-What?

-What?

-What?

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HORSE NEIGHS

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Whatever.

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Ahem!

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In Splitsboro, Valentines are supposed to shoot lasers and explode

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or are made out of indestructible alien metal

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or cute-but-deadly woodland creatures.

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But my card means something.

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It's handmade, with love.

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And glue.

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You're right, Eric.

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Valentine's Day shouldn't be about fighting and destruction.

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That's every other day.

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Here, this is for you.

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Kitty?

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-Eric, would you be my Valen...?

-Thanks.

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HE SQUAWKS

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I'll take that.

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Happy V Day, Kid.

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HE SQUAWKS

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Argh!

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Argh!

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Argh!

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Gah!

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I love you, brother.

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ERIC GROANS

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I love you.

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I love all of you, mwah, mwah.

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That means...I'm the last Valentiner! Ha-ha, I win!

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Kitty, thank you so much for giving me that card

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and making Vana my Valentine.

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Yes, well, that's what I meant to do, for sure, no doubt about it,

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my heart is shattered, you're welcome.

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Vana, will you be my Valentine?

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Eeeewwwwww!

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BELL RINGS

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Oh, look, Valentine's Day is over. So sad. Maybe next year, Eric. Bye!

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HE GROANS

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That was the best seven seconds of my life!

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I miss her so much.

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-Ow! What was that for?

-It's almost Easter, Eric.

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And I want to help you be prepared this time.

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(And dish out a little payback.)

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Come on, Super Bunny!

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Let's show Eric what a Splitsboro Easter is all about!

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KITTY CACKLES

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-Are there any super holidays where I don't get hurt?

-No!

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HE GROANS

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